SCENE: A dark basement, littered with soft drink cartons, beer caps, buckets of filthy water and one single computer. The only source of light in the damp room.
Around the computer, three huddled figures. Not hoodied, huddled. Jeez.
One of them is not me. One of them is not ScottyP. One of them might be is not Counterpunch.
A guttural murmuring can be heard, with slow clicks interspersed. Words on the monitor seem to read...Transformers Figure of the Year 2014Nega-Scott says: Age of Extinction One-Step Drift. Autobot Drift is back, and he's faster than ever! This Autobot Drift changer still fights the Decepticons every time he can, but he converts so fast they'll never be able to keep up. Flip him to convert him from mighty robot mode to muscle car mode in just 1 step, then convert him back again when the battle calls for it! Decepticons will never be able to handle your fast-changing Autobot Drift figure!
Punch - In an otherwise lackluster year of Geewun nostalgia and heartwarming movie franchise sequels, one figure stands tall and reminds us what it means to be a hero: Rescue Bots Optimus Primal. The familiar red and blue of Optimus melds with the heroic grace of the Tyranosaurus Rex to once again prove to children (Ages 3 and up) that civil service is best served Jurassic Park style.
While not the most articulated of 2014’s figures, Rescue Bots Optimus Primal is certainly the most articulate with 20+ heroic phrases such as “Roar to the rescue!,” the fandom (and some children) are getting a treasured opportunity to expand their vocabulary.
Lav - TOYS SUCKS I HATE TOYS!11!! U LIEK TOYS U SUCK
Favorite 2014 Transformers: Age of Extinction FigureNega-Scott says: Stomp and Chomp Grimlock. Grimlock is the biggest, baddest beast in the Transformers universe. This Stomp and Chomp Grimlock toy brings home the power of the mighty Dinobot warrior! Create awesome Transformers battle action with this giant T-Rex figure that converts from robot to dino and back in one awesome step! Place the included Optimus Prime figure on the dino's back to activate lights, sounds, and pop-out weapons. You can imagine the two Transformers robots are riding into battle together!
Punch - AOE One-Step (AKA Switchblade) Drift is my favorite of the adult oriented collectors’ items surpassing both the Generations releases and assorted Platinum figures available through most of the year.
Not only is the simple transformation easy on my exhausted from podcasting brain, but the subtle flick of violence that brings Drift to life really captures for me the spirit of AOE’s “Kill ‘em all” message. Drift has the added benefit of making disinterested parents feel great about helping their children transform their favorite toys without doing any actual work. The added benefit is that children are able to convert the toy on their first try while most hapless adults, having had no prior knife fighting experience, flounder until little Billy clues them into the trick.
Lav - GUD MESSIGE BUT HATETOYSZZ!!!
Favorite 2014 Transformers Generations (Thrilling 30) FigureNega-Scott says: Smash and Change Silver Knight Optimus Prime, 28.1 of 30 in the "Thrilling 30"! The Transformers are back, and they convert faster than ever for incredible adventures! Your Silver Knight Optimus Prime figure has robot and semi truck modes like always. In robot mode, he's armed with a mighty sword and shield! Whichever mode he's in, he converts in a flash to the other mode when you smash him! Smash and change in the ultimate Transformers combat with your Silver Knight Optimus Prime figure! Transformers and all related characters are trademarks of Hasbro. Includes figure. 2-in-1 Silver Knight Optimus Prime figure Figure converts from robot mode to semi truck mode and back Sword and shield in robot mode Smash and change from one mode to the other.
Punch - Go big or go home with Year of the Horse Platinum Edition Supreme Starscream. Frequently we ask for updates to our favorite Generations aka Classics figures, but rarely are they upgraded along with their updates to Supreme size! Now, this mold may be from 2005 or 2006 (I’ve lost all track of time), but what was old is now new again in this figure that nobody wanted…er…that nobody knew they needed.
Yeah… that’s it.
Nothing says “Thrilling 30” like a massive G1 deco, Cybertronian Starscream with a crown. Truly, nothing celebrates the 30 Classic years of transformers or the Year of the Horse like Supreme Starscream. Personally, I’m glad they raised the bar for Generations and now expect all of my Classics style characters to be Supreme size… or bigger!
Lav - MORE LIEK KILING 30 ROFL
Favorite 2014 Transformers Build FigureNega-Scott says: Hero-Mashers Autobot Heatwave. Autobot Heatwave is as tough and fearless as they come, making him the perfect hero for any rescue mission. Mash up your Autobot Heatwave figure with other Hero Mashers figures to create your own battle-ready bot! Want to smash some Decepticons? Clobber them with a Triceratops tail from Dinobot Slug. Want to take a ride in the sky? Snap on some wings from Jetfire. With the powers of all your favorite Transformers robots at your fingertips, you can pick and choose your parts to make the perfect mash-up! No challenge is too tough when there's another bot ready and waiting to lend you a hand! Or a foot.
Punch - Hero Masher Heatwave legitimizes the TCC Heatwave figure in a way that fans have been clamoring for years. No longer just a “Heroic Decepticon”, Heatwave is now a “Heroic Autobot”…
Wait…
That can’t be right. It goes against established canon… Unless, Hero Masher Heatwave is a whole new Heatwave who OD’d on Nucleon and lost his ability to transform.
Let me start over.
Hero Masher Heatwave is my favorite figure from the “Build” lines because he faces the challenges of addiction and identity head-on. He is truly the best “Build” figure because he is an example of what it takes to rebuild a life in a new place with new challenges. When kids tear him apart, they are sure to learn that no matter how broken we feel, attaching a stranger’s plastic body parts to us will help us evolve into the new person we deserve to be.
Lav - Y BUILD WEN CAN BREAK?!?!?1'1'1111!!
Favorite 2014 Transformers Exclusive Figure[b]
[b]Nega-Scott says: My pick for best exclusive is Botcon 2014 Cannonball. So, as far as Cannonball. Yes, it was a factory mess up. I think part of the problem why we do see some errors is when we pick molds that are no longer in production, and then only run a very small number, it's easy for mistakes to happen. It hasn't been something worked on for awhile, people not familiar with the molds and so on. So, again, we will just need to take extra care in trying to catch everything we can ahead of time.
Punch - Botcon Flareup. Yey Flareup!
She's the best.
Lav - ...
Favorite 2014 Transformers Masterpiece FigureNega-Scott says: Hasbro Masterpiece Sunstorm. Autobots beware, because the ultimate Decepticon flier is on the hunt for someone to fight! He converts from robot mode to fighter jet mode, and in either mode he's armed for major combat. His canopy and nose cone open in jet mode, and his hidden missile pods deploy when he gets an Autobot in his sights! Set him on his stand in your collection when the fight is over for the day. Get a high-flying Decepticon with incredible battle features with this Masterpiece Sunstorm figure!
Punch - MP Prowl, specifically the US Edition. What I love most about this figure, is how he cost more than the Japanese release even after factoring in shipping.
“I’ll wait for the domestic release!”
Always a sound strategy…
Favorite 2014 Transformers ComicNega-Scott says: Re-Generation One #100. "The more we fight like Megatron, the more we become like Megatron." - Botanica
Punch Lav -
EXPECSCHULLYL HATE COMICS COMICZ SUCKS
Favorite 2014 Transformers TV/FilmNega-Scott says:
Transformers 4: Age of Extinction Punch - Age of Extinction was my favorite Transformers film of 2014 because it was pretty much the only Transformers film of 2014.
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AOE really drew a range of emotional responses from me, such as “confused”, “angry”, and perhaps even a little bit of “When is this over? God… I really have to pee.”
The whole film was like some kind of rock-opera where the plot comes through in bursts, everything is very loud, and there might have been a Viking funeral at the end.
At any rate, I hope the Dinobots are ok. I have no idea if China has leash laws or not…
Lav - IF BAY NOT WIN A OSCAR U STUPID SUCKZ
Favorite 2014 Transformers Game (Angry Birds, Universe, Legends)Nega-Scott says: Transformers: Universe.
Free to play!Punch - Transformers Universe is like, the greatest Decepticon ever. It came in with the force of a natural disaster, took a whole bunch of money and time from a huge number of people, and in its wake a whole company was left unemployed.
Totally metal.
Lav - GTA PWNS ALL UR GAMEZ11!!!1!
Favorite 2014 Transformers MomentNega-Scott says: The announcement of
Play With This Too, featuring all those guys we know, is a banner announcement in the history of The Transformers. Finally, a brand new, totally not another third party company will make what Transformers fans really want that's never, ever been done before: Sci-Fi Action Figures! These totally new designs and character concepts are sure to be a huge hit with collectors of all ages. We'll even be able to fund them on Kickstarter! I can't wait to provide startup capital for a 0% equity return!
Lav - U ALL SUCKZ
What you're looking forward to in 2015 for TransformersNega-Scott Punch Two of the figures are bunched up on the floor, the monitor's light not enough to show their mangled features. One of them still remains standing. Or sitting. Huddled, in any case. A dripping sound mixes with the slow, one-finger typing on the sticky keyboard.KILL ALL ROBUTTS111!!!11 --Lav
Happy 2015, Seibertron.com!