So against my better judgement I went to see Battleship. I know, I know, it looks like crap but I'm a sucker for ship to ship combat and naval tactics. Anyway, a quick bullet point review.
1. Effects are stellar, but that's par the course.
2. Premise was the old hat alien invasion storyline but with the twist that the alien ships are no tougher than ours and have semi-realistic weaponry aside from the death wheel things. They move instead to cut off our military from the landing site (read: Hawaii) so they can safely send out a signal that Earth is ripe for invading. A decent enough change of pace given the material.
3. Characters are forgettable aside from Mick, a disabled veteran with prosthetic legs. Gets a surprisingly believable scene were he beats an alien in power armor senseless. Other than him I identified characters by trope rather than name (Hero, Hero's Girlfriend, Cowardly Scientist, etc).
4. Plot was simple at best. Nothing to write home about. Aliens sadly had no development and only existed to give the heroes something to blow up. Sucks cause some of their actions could have used further development and it leaves a lot of plot holes.
5. The only thing it had to do with Battleship the game was the alien "peg" artillery and the "com buoy" scene made to imitate the gameplay of the board game. The latter is amazingly not as stupid as it sounds.
6. The team of heroes are a joint American and Japanese crew, surprising for a pro-military blockbuster in the summer.
7. Slow to start, a bad thing for a film like this. Even when the aliens arrive there's about fifteen minutes before the battle starts. In before Transformers 2007 jokes.
8. Lacking annoying humor past the opening thankfully.
9. Has the usual "We can save the world by blowing something up" finale.
10. The final battle between the USS Missouri and the Mothership was admittedly badass.
Overall it was entertaining but nothing special. If you miss it you didn't miss anything worth noting. Helps pass the time between The Avengers and The Dark Knight Rises at least. Feel free to add comments and criticisms of your own below.
Also, does Hasbro own the rights to Beyblades? I could have sworn those spinny spiked wheel of death...things were just like them.