Heard any good jokes?

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Heard any good jokes?

Postby Blackmoon » Sun Dec 25, 2011 12:08 am

Motto: "Life's a b*tch and that's pretty much it."
Weapon: Battle Blades
Here are some jokes for your amusement, enjoy....

Girl mourns goldfish

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Nancy?” “My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish isn’t it?” Nancy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your f****g cat.”


Neil Armstrong on the moon landing

Joe is walking down the street when he sees Neil Armstrong coming toward him. Joe says, "Hey, you're Neil Armstrong, aren't you?" Neil says, "Yes, I am." "Man, you're my biggest hero," Joe says, "and that speech you gave about one small step for man and one giant leap for mankind was just awe-inspiring." "You have to understand something about that speech," Neil says. "Back then, communications weren't that good and that's not what I said." "Well, what did you say?" Joe asks. "I said, 'That's one small step for man and one giant leap for Dan Rind.'" Joe is confused and asks, "Who the hell is Dan Rind?" "Well, he's my next-door neighbor," Neil says. "What the hell has he got to do with anything?" Joe asks. "You see," Neil says, "about three months before the launch, I was walking past Dan's open bedroom window when I heard his wife exclaim, 'They'll put a man on the moon before you stick that in my mouth.'"


Brutus The Thanksgiving Parrot

Martha had a parrot called Brutus, the only problem was that Brutus cussed something awful. Now Martha was having her in-laws over for Thanksgiving, and so she needed to train Brutus quickly not to swear. Just before her Mother-in-law was due Brutus cussed terribly, so Martha but him in the freezer for 2 minutes to literally cool off. Then she opened the door and took out the parrot along with the turkey. 'And have you learned your lesson about cussing?' Martha asked the parrot. Brutus the parrot took one look at the dead turkey and said: 'I sure have. But I have one question, "What the f**k did the turkey do?" '


And finaly since it's Christmas....

Christmas Eve-3 Men Go To Heaven

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something "Christmassy". The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of panties. Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?" The third man answered "They're Carol's."

Hope you enjoyed and add some of your own jokes if you feel like it. :)

Just thought you might check out my forum board, it's nothing fancy like here but it could be a cool second spot to hang out. :) Just click the link to check it out. Blackmoon's Hideout
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Re: Heard any good jokes?

Postby SlyTF1 » Sun Dec 25, 2011 12:09 am

Motto: "If my first sacrifice wasn't enough, maybe you would prefer to pay with your funky blood."
Weapon: Plasma Beam Rifle
Yes I've heard good jokes. But I'd probably be banned if I posted any...

Edit: Like now, I'm watching a movie and I heard the funniest joke I've ever heard!!! But it's so racist, I'd be banned for sure. Damn my sense of humor. >:oP
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Re: Heard any good jokes?

Postby prowl123 » Sun Jan 01, 2012 8:58 am

Motto: "If your house burns down... it's my fault."
Weapon: Sniper Rifle
The best joke I've ever heard was in the beginning of the 2011 THE THING. I would get banned if I posted it, but go watch that movie and you'll laugh your ass off in the beginning.

Don't take anything I say seriously, because what I say may not necessarily be what I mean.
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