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And now we revisit those lovable big eaters...

The Insecticon Syndrome
We open on a forest, panning down a road. Beachcomber-making his debut-Hound, Bumblebee and Spike are tooling down it, Bumblebee having trouble. Makes sense since he's a beetle and the others are more off road. We see trees with huge chunks taken out of them. A park ranger named Jeff is with Spike. he shows them the trees. "Looks like they were chewed up."

Beachcomber agrees. "They were, and I'm not talking termites. I'm talking big creatures-rrreeeal big." Jeff asks what kind of animals and Beachcomber replies Insecticons.

We cut to their current lair. Turns out the trees were less filling. "You eat a forest of them, and an hour later you're out of energy again!" They transform for a snack. Back with the Autobots and Jeff, the latter expressing... disbelief. "Gigantic robot insects that eat trees? You gotta be kidding!" He says this to a giant robot that changes into a dune buggy...

We cut back to the Insecticons chewing through the forest and an older ranger spotting their destruction. He radios Jeff and Jeff... has a cell phone?


Or a satellite phone. Or an example of advancing human technology. The older ranger-Mike-tells him to meet him at the redwood slope. "Some giant figments are eating the trees!"

Jeff is incredulous. "Giant figment?!" Beachcomber has the best response. "Hey, don't let it get to you, Ranger. Insecticons probably think humans are figments, too." The Autobots transform and roll out. We cut to the Decepticons flying overhead, in search of the Insecticons. Soundwave spots the Autobots, doing a funky pose.


They land and decide to observe the Insecticons as Mike drives along. He decides he was seeing things... just as a redwood nearly crushes his vehicle! He swerves and drives off, the Insecticons chewing him out. "Human drivers!" The Autobots drive up as Mike passes them, nearly running Bumblebee off the road. Shrapnel uses that moment to fire a grenade at the Hound and the firefight is on. Bombshell takes off for a strafing run as Beachcomber leads the humans off. Kickback kicks a tree down a hill at them, forcing them into a river to the edge of a waterfall. Spike sums it up perfectly. "It's a dead end!"

The tree rolls over them... and they're falling to their deaths? The Insecticons crow about their victory, and the Decepticons fly over. "The Insecticons have done well!" Starscream is ever ready with the snark. "Yes, perhaps they should lead us!" "You test my patience, Starscream!" They land and after some almost friendly banter, Megatron makes his proposal. Down at the bottom of the falls, we learn the floating carcasses were merely holograms! The Autobots and humans hid at an overhang right below the cliff.

Bumblebee and SPike run off as Megatron asks him to help them hit the Nova Power Plant for energy. Shrapnel asks what the task is but Bombshell doesn't care, as long as energy's involved. Turns out Megatron wants help in taking the defense computer at Iron Mountain! Spike and Bumblee have overheard and they need to radio Prime.

At the Ark, Prime gets the Autobots together for the mission. Inferno makes his debut as a background character. The Autobots roll out. But, it's too late as the Decepticons and Insecticons arrive at Nova Power Plant. The human security scrambles helicopters for defense, but the Decepticons are not impressed. "Dispense with those primitive devices!" We do our best, but the helicopters are quickly routed. The Autobots transform for action! But the Decepticons return fire.

Laserbeak and Buzzsaw are shot down while Jazz and Inferno go to rescue the human pilots. A pair are trapped in their chopper, but Inferno douses them with a lot of foam. "You better stop saving us, Inferno. We're starting to foam at the mouth!"

As Skywarp and thundercracker transform, the Insecticons chew their way through to the main power core of the plant. They chow down and begin growing. Okay... how's that work? And they decide to take out Megatron. Naturally.

Outside...


Yes, he has no ears but is using a stethoscope. Soundwave hears their plans, but they burst through and grab Soundwave. Shrapnel grabs him in a full nelson and Bombshell fires a cerebro-shell into Soundwave's cranium!

Hound's group arrives, and comes under fire. Wheeljack and Ironhide are climbing power line towers... for some reason. Wheeljack sees the Insecticons burst through and the Insecticons transform, Shrapnel electrifying Ironhide's tower while Bombshell weakens Wheeljack's enough for Kickback to... okay, three guesses and the first two don't count.

And for some reason, a panel on Ironhide's arm opens up. Although the interior looks awesome!



He falls and Prime has several of the Autobots come with him while Bumblebee and... Spike cover them.


Why does Spike have a laser gun?!

Jazz and Hound help out Wheeljack while Inferno and Beachcomber helps out Ironhide. The two are loaded into Prime's trailer and they retreat. Bumblebee sums it up. "I hate fighting in reverse!" Megatron gloats as they ready to attack Iron Mountain.

Back at the Ark, reading from Teletraan indicate the energy from Nova Power is incompatible with the Insecticons' 'trilithium stomachs'. Wait, they have stomachs? They're giant robots! Jazz asks what that'll mean. They'll blow up unless an antidote is found. Wait, how is that bad? That's a good thing!

Well, we now see Iron Mountain. Fairly impressive, actually.


Looks like a bit of an upgrade with GI Joe and Autobot technology. They detect the Decepticons. Megatron tells Soundwave as soon as the Insecticons have helped them, they'll destroy the Insecticons. Not. good.

The military radios for help from the Autobots. And now we realize if the Isnsecticons blow up in Iron Mountain, that would be a bad thing.

At the base, the Decepticons are... not doing much damage to the armor plating. Shields are lowered and laser cannons extend from hidden ports, even Megatron is blown back! We cut to the Autobots rolling for Iron Mountain and Prime telling Ratchet and Wheeljack they need the antidote. We cut to them in a lab, and then to Bombshell having indigestion. "That Nova power core's giving me heartburn! That is, if I have a heart!" Megatron chews him out while Shrapnel uses his own powers to seize control or Iron Mountain's defenses and turn them against the facility.

The Autobots transform and attack. Megatron tells the Insecticons to attack while he goes for the computer. And the Insecticons kicks some skidplate, burying them in rubble. Hound is... pissed when Spike asks them if they're all right. "Just great, if you don't mind two tons of Inferno sitting on your head plates!" Prime digs himself out and then begins blasting away the rubble.

Inside, Soundwave downloads the computer files. And Megatron decides the Insecticons are useless. he goes out and tells the Decepticons to destroy them. The Decepticons... turn on him! Yeah, Bombshell planted cerebro-shells in all of them, then plants Starscream. He tries for Megatron, but it's snatched out of the air like the pebble. He crushes it and stomps on it. Bombshell spazzes out.

Megatron goes to shoot them, but Prime tackles him. Shrapnel leads the Insecticons into the facility and Bombshell orders the Decepticons to fire at them. Megatron rather calmly asks why Prime stopped them, and Prime explains about the instability. Megatron blasts the Seekers with a single shot. Ah, so that's why he's in charge. "Fools, you've flipp-flopped your circuits!"

Ratchet and Wheeljack drive up with the antidotes and Megatron agrees to help Prime. Inside Iron Mountain, Soundwave finishes downloading the data. One neat bit is his chest flashing with the data. Prime and Megatron charge in to stop them, though!


Like a pair of superheroes, there.

Spike warns about the power explosion, but Megatron blasts anyway. The Insecticons begin malfunctioning. Megatron's blasted into a wall and Prime grabs him. He forces the transformation into gun mode and loads the antidote, hitting Bombshell. Kickback grabs Soundwave, but Prime nails him. Both begin shrinking. Spike warns Shrapnel about the power overload, but he doesn't listen and summons lightning. He hits Prime, and Prime drops both Megatron and the antidote.

Spike grabs the antidote, scales Shrapnel and shoves the antidote inside. Bad. Ass! Shrapnel explodes, and the shockwave erases Soundwave's memory. Bombshell's cerebro-shells also burn out. Shrapnel's a pile of junk, but Bombshell fires something from his gun. "We're not that easy to squash, Megatron." the shell explodes over Shrapnel and tiny little energy packets fly out. "We Insecticons know how to get it together!" And the gun's muzzle flashes and Shrapnel's pieces reassemble themselves.

Starscream wanders in, dazed and confused. The Insecticons take off, the Decepticons after them. The Autobots stand outside, sharing a laugh.

Thoughts
A fun little episode, here! Good action, although that park ranger's an idiot. Insecticons are cool, and Iron Mountain. Ah, the ideas there!

What do you all think? A Delta-Six facility? Regular army? Some proto-EDC? Built with Autobot technology, no doubt.

And now...

Dinobot Island
Sorry, Monster Island was being renovated.

We open on Bumblebee and new toy character Powerglide flying over the ocean, Bumblebee with a jetpack. They're heading for odd energy readings Teletraan-One is picking up. Prime indicates the mission is of utmost importance and Bumblebee... has a cute moment. "Wow, I didn't know the big guy thought that much of me." Powerglide shills himself. "Hey, you must be hot stuff, pal. Or you wouldn't be sharing the skies with old Powerglide!" He does a bit of joyriding, nearly knocking Bumblebee into the water.

He hits the energy wave and flies through, Bumblebee spotting an island. And... a pterosaur flies over. He grabs Bumblebee and Powerglide continues to shill his product while going to help. Bumblebee speaks for me. "Can't he just... save a guy without doing a c-commercial?"

Powrglide drops bombs and fires a laser at the big bird. Bumblebee crashes into a large fern and Powerglide lands. He fires what appears to be a welding beam from his forehead to repair Bumblebee's jetpack while the latter goes exploring. Bumblebee even remembers and compares the island to when the Dinobots were being built. Continuity! And we see dinosaurs there in typical 80's fashion, and a T rex comes stomping over. Powerglide transforms and Bumblebee grabs a hold for a quick escape.

Back at the Ark, Bumblebee makes his report. Spike's impressed, but Cliffjumper snarks that the Dinobots are enough problems for them. Wheeljack speaks up in their favor, saying he's been helping them with their finesse. Huffer is... Huffer, being a naysayer. "Once a dino-clutz, always a dino-clutz."

Wheeljack calls Grimlock into the room and he transforms. And now we meet Blaster!


He sounds like a deejay, basically. And he transforms into a tape deck without shrinking. He plays some static and Grimlock shoots him with his laser breath, somehow tuning him to play rock music. How this works deys even TF physics, and that is saying something!

It works at first, but Slag and Sludge transform and wander over. Prime's impressed with Grimlock's work. But Slag and Sludge stumble into Grimlock. The flames go everywhere, nearly incinerating Spike and Sparkplug. Grimlock chastises them. "Slag, Sludge, go away. Me Grimlock demonstrating finesse-whatever that means." He turns, but his huge tail destroys some equipment.

Then Snarl and Swoop transform and head into the maelstrom. Swoop rebounds off of Grimlock and they head to Teletraan-One. Seriously, get that computer a force field! Trailbreaker activates his force field and saves the mainframe. Red Alert and Inferno introdump themselves, transform and speed off to douse the flames.


Only 9.95 plus tax!

So, seriously. A Lamborghini emergency vehicle? I guess by this time, the whole 'disguise' bit for the Autobots wasn't really applicable or necessary. Ratchet and Sparkplug begin repairs, but Snarl knocks the equipment aside. Cliffjumper leads the Autobots to stop the Dinobots, but Prime stops them and tells Grimlock to lead the Dinobots. He calls his soldiers to heel and they also transform to robot mode. "Dinobots not want to make mess, Optimus Prime." Aww. Prime is... understanding. "I know, Grimlock. It's just that you Dinobots are too big to train here." We pan across the destruction as he speaks... Just then, Bumblebee walks up. And suggest the island he found for training!

Spike's still enthusiastic about it.

Outside, Ravage is prowling around just as a... rock wall opens up and the Dinobots walk out. Did they install a back door when we weren't watching? He runs to Soundwave as the latter transforms to tape deck. Prime tells them they'll stay on the island until they're fully trained. The Dinobots... don't mind. "More room to stomp!" "More room good for big Sludge!" "Swoop say whoopee, go!"

Powerglide transforms and Spike boards him. He leads the Dinobots off as Powerglide self-aggrandizes. Soundwave reports to Megatron, who knocks Starscream as he commands Soundwave to dispatch Laserbeak to follow them.

Powerglide does some stunt-flying, scaring the crap out of Spike. They pass through the energy barrier to the island, laserbeak following. Spike finishes filling his vomit bag and names it 'Dinobot Island'. The Dinobots love the place. Powerglide lands and the Dinobots feel at home. Spike's enamored.

Laserbeak flies over and lands. Some small creature crawls over to apparently attempt a mating ritual, but Laserbeak fires optic blasts and scares it away. His head-mounted camera extends as Spike... exposits about the energy sources there. For Laserbeak's benefit I imagine. Powerglide tempts fate. "Good thing those Decepti-cookoos don't know about it." And Laserbeak flies off.

The Dinobots march around, liking Dinobot Island. Powerglide notices Spike... missing. He's wandering around the unexplored and danger-filled island alone. Spike, don't be a Unicron Trilogy kid. Well, some beast flies over and grabs him, taking off and flying up to a nest with eggs larger than the beast. "What is this bird planning on hatching out of these eggs, battleships?" You can forgive Spike's hyperbole, there. But not his wandering around without Autobot escort.

Swoop flies over and saves him. Swoop warns him and Spike says he'll be careful. And a cousin of the Loch Ness monster swims over and grabs him by the collar. The great beast swims off with him, this time Powerglide flying off to help him. Grimlock decides to help him, too. Powerglide balks as Spike is tossed into the air in such manners that would kill an ordinary human. Powerglide takes Spike off the island, the Dinobots calling him 'friend'. Spike is... "I'd write, but you can't read!"

Which begs the question, can they read?

At the Decepticon base, Laserbeak arrives and plays back Spike's exposition and shows the images of the energy. Megatron decides to plunder the place, but Starscream-remembering he was a scientist-wonders about the strange energy waves. Megatron silences him and orders them to Dinobot Island!

The Dinobots begin training. First, target practice. "Hit big rocks!" They... miss. "Rotten shooting, but getting better!" How bad was it before?! The instructions Grimlock hands out are priceless.

"Swoop, do flying stuff!" Swoop does some legit precision flying through trees.

"Slag, do fire stuff!" Slag evaporates a pond without somehow fricasseeing a lizard formerly under the water.

"Snarl, do tail stuff!" Snarl whacks a boulder, hitting Sludge with the debris.

"Getting better, but still not more better enough." The dinosaurs flee as the Decepticons land, Megatron marveling at the energy and making massive boasts. Starscream's still worried, but Megatron dismisses it. Soundwave makes energon cubes. Thundercracker places one near a lava flow and the cube... shoots out a beam that takes in the energy. What are these, cubes mark 2.0?


Blitzwing! The most underrated Decepticon of all time! Hasbro, Classics-ize him NOW!

Lightning begins crackling and Starscream goes... superstitious. "Lightning, a bad omen!" What?! You don't get bad omens-you're a scientist from Cybertron!!!

Grimlock continues praising Swoop as he flies, right over the Decepticon camp. Swoop flies back and reports about the Decepticons. Grimlock decides to kick their skidplates. They transform and stomp out!

At a nondescript town, Spike and Bumblebee are emerging from the local library, Spike with an armful of books. Bumblebee spots some sort of... vortex opening up. And a woolly mammoth emerging.


The barbarian riding it speaks gibberish and begins stampeding around. Bumblebee posits it came through a time warp. They duck inside an old building, but the mammoth knocks into it and it collapses, burying the pair.

Back on the island, the Decepticons gather up the energon cubes. The Dinobots approach, but Megatron decides not to fight them directly. He flies over dinosaurs and fires, sending them stampeding to the Dinobots. The Dinobots are at the edge of a cliff and are driven back. "Even they can't fight all of you!" The rock they're on crumbles... and they fall into tar. Guys, you could've flown... well, they're still not that bright.

Thoughts
Fun episode, here. And yes, we all know how inaccurate it is concerning paleontology and it's not historically accurate... and it's an 80s cartoon and I don't care. ;P

Starscream... bad omen. Yeah. I got nothing.

But Blitzwing! I cannot wait to get to Triple Takeover and then Five Faces of Darkness! He is awesome!

Tune in next time for the exciting conclusion!

And now...

Dinobot Island Part Two
After a short recap and narration by Victor Caroli, we begin with Megatron standing over the tar pit sealing in the DInobots. He gloats and walks off, but Starscream warns him about taking too much energy from the island. Megatron's response is succinct and well thought out. "Scientific gobbledygook, Starscream! Do as I say." yes, ignore the scientist when talking science stuff. Starscream obeys and he goes back to work gathering energy. He and Soundwave get energy from a volcano. Thrust and Ramjet make their debuts getting energy from a steam vent.



There's an earthquake and the volcano erupts. Starscream thinks... he can use this to become leader.

At the Ark, teletraan-One's been repaired. Wheeljack drops that the Dinobots are on Dinobot Island. Ratchet praises Sparkplug's help in the repairs. This is why i like the G1 humans-they can help in repairs and that kind of stuff. Sparkplug's modest, just wanting to keep up with Spike and wonders where his son is. Ironhide tells him he went to the library. Which library we don't know.

An alarm sounds and Huffer is... an asshole. "What's that, more bad news?" Turns out Teletraan is picking up a time warp. In the city-which city?-and near the library! Dunn, dunn, DUNN!

Sparkplug's worried and Ratchet wonders if there's a Decepticon connection. Prime agrees and sends some Autobots to investigate. Prime leads them to roll out. Ratchet reassures Sparkplug. "We all want to help Spike."

At the city, there's a massive traffic jam as the barbarians rampage. I am curious... local authorities? Police, SWAT? The Autobots hit the traffic jam and transform. Hound picks up Bumblebee's energy signature-in the rubble. Huffer, to his credit, is the first one there to start digging. Sideswipe uses two piledrivers and digs them out. Spike praises Bumblebee, who is rather modest. "Ah, anybody'd have done the same." But not everybody's you, 'Bee.

Hound reports on where the energy disturbance is-directly ahead. Ironhide climbs onto an overturned van to get a better look and sees the woolly mammoths. The Autobots are understandably confused. "New Earth life forms?" wonders Huffer with Hound's voice. Prime's on top of things, though. "Or old ones that entered this era through that time warp."

...
Oh, all right! Just once, though!

Let's do the time warp again!!!!!!!!!
...

Hound sees more of the barbarians coming through. One of them smashes a jewelry store window and grabs some stuff. Ironhide implores for action and Prime agrees. "But gently. Remember, those creatures are flash and blood, not unfeeling machines like the Decepticons." Kinda harsh... but also for the most part true.

Huffer grabs a mammoth by the tusks and begins tossing him around. Holy crap! Ironhide fires adhesive at some. We get a bad pun by Sideswipe as Sunstreaker hefts a mammoth. "I hope you packed your trunk!" Boo, hiss! Sunstreaker fires an electric shock at some barbarians while Prime transforms. He has the Autobots load them onto his trailer. Smart thinking, there! But unfortunately the time warp begins closing.

Prime declares they have to get the barbarians through. Sunstreaker shoots the time warp and... somehbow stops it from closing? Hound joins in.


So... tractor beams?! Dumping energy into the time warp to keep it from collapsing? TF physics?!

It expands and the mammoths and barbarians are herded into the time warp. It closes up. Prime and the Autobots roll out, Prime speculating on what caused it. Spike tells him to call Chip in. Which is kinda... obvious, to be honest. Back at the Ark, Chip is on a special platform in front of Teletraan-One when Perceptor and Beachcomber do introdumps. Hey, Beachcomber already had a good introduction! Perceptor transforms into microscope mode, shrinking. Another time warp's registered-but no. It's two time warps!

Out at sea, a yacht with some... fairly buxom ladies on it is motoring along.



A time warp opens up and a pirate ship appears! There's some typical pirate talk as they pull aside and board the yacht. We then cut to a motorcycle gang tooling down the road when another time warp opens up and gunslingers from the Old West show up. Their pistols sound like lasers for a second. They decide to hijack the biker's motorcycles to get away from the law. I am... yeah.

At sea, Seaspray and tracks make their debut as Cliffjumper keeps up on hydrofoils. The pirates demand the treasure and the wenches. Heh. Cliffjumper melts their swords while Tracks transforms. "I'd rather stay in my stunning auto mode, but then I couldn't do this!" He fires black-light beams at the pirates, blinding them. Rather cool shadow silhouettes there. He frees the yacht and Seaspray pushes the pirate ship back with CLiffjumper and Tracks. They push it through.

At the standoff, the bikers rev their engines and charge, scattering the gunslingers. One gunslinger jumps off and tackles a biker as Prowl, Inferno, Red Alert and Jazz pull up. One of these Autobots isn't like the others... The gunslingers freak out and ask what's next. Prowl is rather badass. "Disarmament-acid pellet style." He destroys their guns with pinpoint accuracy. Jazz deploys his speakers and the gunslingers mount up. Red Alert and Inferno herd them back to the time warp.

One thing that's actually rather cool is in each incident, the Autobots really didn't have much of a problem handling the time travelers. They're rounded up with minimal fuss and sent back through the time warp.

Back at the Ark, Chip figures out the disturbances are coming from Dinobot Island. Just then, Mount Saint Hillary begin rumbling. Prime declares they must go and repair the damage. He gives Warpath a name and introduces Smokescreen while ordering the Autobots to get jetpacks on and follow him. The top of Mount Saint Hillary opens and they fly off!

On Dinobot Island, Megatron orders more cubes but Starscream warns against it. "We have violated this island with cataclysmic results!" The earth rumbles and Starscream tells him to leave before the island explodes. Megatron brushes him off. "I don't care if the whole Earth explodes, we can always relocate!" No, you can't. Astrotrain hasn't been introduced yet!

Back at the tar pit the Dinobots sank into, the tar evaporates as they use their fire breath on it. The Dinobots break free and clean themselves off. Grimlock says the island's in danger. "Maybe the Decepticons do bad stuff to island!" Swoop is spot on, there. Slag knows how to solve this perplexing problem. "We do more badder stuff to Decepticons!" Grimlock agrees and they fly off. We cut to the Autobots landing, Prime saying if the energy's removed from the island, "the entire galaxy could crumble!" Okay, I buy the Solar System, but the galaxy? Nah.

Ironhide approaches and is spotted by the Decepticons. Prime's shot by Megatron but isn't seriously hurt. The Autobots fire and the firefight breaks out. Starscream makes the tactically obvious choice. "Attack from the sky!" Warpath fires and introdumps himself. "They don't call me Warpath because I'm gentle!" He blows Skywarp and Thundercracker out of the air before Starscream hits him with null rays.

Megatron transforms into gun mode and with one shot, splits the ground open. Beachcomber is firing weird energy from his hands. "Like I hope we don't destroy this place before we can study it. Wow!" Blitzwing attacks him from behind, but Warpath-apparently recovered from the null rays-confronts him. The fight's inconclusive as the ground fractures beneath them. There's more scenes of geological instability as the Dinobots arrive.

Sludge asks if they attack now. "Yes, but not alone!" We see dinosaurs and Grimlock approaches, firing his laser rifle. He transforms and opens his mouth. A light shines inside and somehow this inspires the dinosaurs to follow the Dinobots. What, did he steal that from Trypticon? The Dinobots transform as Slag declares they'll fight together.

Back at the firefight, the Autobots are being wiped out. The dinosaurs approach and quickly take out the Decepticons.


Ouch....

There's of course the size problems, but I don't care. Dinosaurs are fighting giant robots. Coolness defined. Megatron is ensconced by them. "If only one Decepticon survives this assault, it shall be I!" Yeah, he really cares for his troops. He makes a break for it, but runs into the Dinobots. "I saw you perish beneath the tar pits!" Grimlock shoots him down both literally and figuratively. "You wrong, and you ugly too!" Megatron calls for a retreat and the Decepticons flee.

The Autobots destroy the energon cubes and the energy released stabilizes the island. To me, that... makes sense. Prime declares the Dinobots may return with them as they fly off.



Thoughts
A very fun two-parter basically built of crazy awesome and cool. Just... all-out wacky incredible. I love it.

But... it does demonstrate a weakness of season two compared to season one. In season one, once we got past MTMTE we had four introductions of toys/characters-Skyfire, the Dinobots, the Insecticons and the Constructicons. Each one was introduced to sell toys, naturally. That's what drives Transformers. But... each one also had a defined origin.

Skyfire was a scientist from Cybertron buried in the Arctic.

The Dinobots were built by the Autobots as basically heavy-duty soldiers.

The Insecticons were crew aboard the Nemesis and jettisoned before it crashed into Earth.

The Constructicons-at the time-were 'built' by the Decepticons.

Here... they're just dumped in with a few 'buy my toy!' lines and that's it. And it bugs me.

But overall, I really did like this episode. Also good to see the Autobots being able to handle humans with a minimum of fuss.

[And now for one of my favorite episodes...

The Master Builders
Powerglide is flying through the air, boasting as usual. "King of the cloud chasers, sultan of the stratosphere, ace of the air!" And Skywarp gets on his tail and fires. Powerglide... maneuvers around and blasts his starboard wing off. Da-yum! Starscream appears on his tail and manages to hit his engines, sending him crashing.

We cut... to the Ark, and we meet Hoist and Grapple!


Grapple is building a model of a solar power collector. "Here comes the sun!"

...

Here comes the sun!

...

Damn, I needed that bit of cheering up. Anyway...

He shines a light on it and panels open up, generating energy. Hoist praises his achievement, but Grapple wonders if Prime will be impressed. "Well, if he's not impressed, I'll be de pressed. Hoist and Grapple wheel the tower through the base, getting praise from Wheeljack. Just a nice touch, there.

We come upon Prime, playing basketball with Spike. This is cool beyond words. There are literally no words to describe how cool it is to see Optimus slaggin' Prime playing basketball. "Am I drooling correctly?" "The word is dribbling, Optimus!"


And this is why G1 animated Prime is the best Optimus Prime in franchise history.

Hoist and Grapple approach and Prime lobs the ball to Spike. "Here, Spike. Compute quickly!" Spike is nearly thrown through the floor by the impact of the ball, which again is too awesome for words. Spike recovers and sees the model. "Did you guys make that slick doohickey?"

Prime becomes 20% cooler. "And just what does your doohickey do?" Grapple explains his power tower, but Hoist buts in with praise. Grapple asks permission to build a full-size tower. Prime agrees it would be a tremendous energy producer, but also gently asks how it would be defended from the Decepticons. He regretfully denies permission to build the tower. Good reasoning, there.

Teletraan-One pipes up and declares 'Condition Magenta', reporting Powerglide being shot down. Hoist and Grapple roll out to help him. There, Grapple fixes powerglide, grousing a bit. Powerglide takes off and thanks Grapple. The two roll back for home through a canyon. Grapple asks if they can build the tower without Prime's permission. Hoist's aghast, and points out they don't have the supplies to build it.

We pan up and see Scrapper looking at them, lying on his... belly plates? As Grapple realizes they can't do it. We also cut to see the other five COnstructicons looking down at them. Hoist gets worried... just as small rocks begin falling. They see the Constructicons and roll for it, but Scavenger blocks their way. They reverse and Mixmaster fills up the other end with cement. Scrapper jumps down, arms up. "Hold your fire, Autobots!" Hoist aims anyway. "And miss a chance to nail you? Never!" He and Grapple fire.

Scrapper's knocked over and Bonecrusher pushes a chunk of rock down onto them, burying Hoist and Grapple. We see them buried in rock. Scrapper lands again and says they're not enemies. "Megatron knows nothing of our meeting with you!" Hoist pulls his gun arm free, but Grapple wonders what he wants to talk about. The other COnstructicons land and Grapple asks what he wants. Scrapper says they left the Decepticons... as a camera pops out of a rock.


Okay, why is a camera installed in a rock?! Anyway, Scrapper says Megatron ignored their potential and they admired the buildings Grapple built. We pan back and see Megatron and Starscream watching them from the camera as he proposes an alliance.

Starscream calls for their heads, but Megatron says to leave them to him. Back at the canyon, Grapple asks for proof of their intentions. Scrapper frees them and the Constructicons fly off. We next see them transforming in front of the Decepticons in what I presume to be their main underwater base. Starscream and Skywarp have guns trained on them as Megatron accuses them of being traitors.

He shows them the video and Scrapper backpedals. Actually, all six of them backpedal, saying they eavesdropped on the Autobots' and heard about the tower. They help build the tower and take it over. It... makes sense, but also leaves me wondering if they're playing both sides here. Megatron likes the idea, but warns about actual betrayal. Smart, there.

Scrapper says he needs proof of their 'betrayal'. Megatron agrees. "Then you must give him my most precious possession." He then laughs... for some reason. Seriously, it's kinda creepy. Back with Hoist and Grapple, Scrapper lands and the rest of the COnstructicons pull up. Long Haul is stacked with energon cubes. Scrapper says they stole them from Megatron. They're convinced.

Over at a construction site, a foreman barks they're behind schedule. The Constructicons pull up and transform. They take a lot of the building materials and the foreman apparently has a nervous breakdown. I should also note that although the COnstructicons steal the materials, they do no collateral damage I can see.

At the site for the tower, Scrapper and Grapple look over the plans.



We see a montage of the work building the tower. It's rather neat, actually. In one scene, the proper tying method for girders is even used. Grapple's impressed, as he should be.

Back at the Ark, Prime... I'll let him describe it.

"He shoots, he scores! What a star!"

Actual dialogue, folks. I am dead-serious. The win... the win....

There's a Transformer-sized basketball court and Prime wants to be like Mike. "Watch out, Spike. I'm driving for a lay off!" He maneuvers past Tracks and...





He walks over and helps Tracks up. He needs a bit of maintenance but can't get an appointment with Hoist. Turns out he and Grapple have been gone all day. Prime sends Powerglide out to find them.

Back at the site, Scavenger asks for help with welding the joints. Ah... he's a Constructicon and can't weld joints?! He asks help from Grapple, so the two go up and Grapple shows him how to weld properly. Hook also needs some help with a panel. And I think Hook is simply feigning ignorance here. Sneaky! He orders more panels from Long Haul. "Aww, get this, bring that. I thought I was finally gonna build something!" Dude, you're a dump truck! Next time pick a different alt mode!!!

We cut to Hoist and Grapple working, and then up to Powerglide as he sees the tower. He interrupts Prime as he's rolling a basketball down his arms. Powerglide extends a camera from his nosecone and we see Grapple and Hoist with the Constructicons. Prime calls for a strike force!

At the tower... we learn a sun-focusing sphere hasn't been put up at the top. To be fair, Grapple wonders why he didn't see the problem coming. Scrapper suggests he has a solution and the Constructicons merge into Devastator. He picks up the sphere with Grapple on it and puts it on top. The tower is done!

And there's a large explosion. Megatron appears and Devastator picks them up. We cut to energon cubes being made by the literal truckload. Four hundred charged!

We cut to the Autobots rolling. They see the tower and Spike... "Man, that's so tall the top is in a different time zone than the bottom!" Spike... No sign of Grapple or Hoist. The Autobots fire lasers from their headlights-obviously an upgrade due to 'The Autobot Run' and cause some damage. The Constructicons run around the tower while Megatron calls for a regrouping. The Autobots pursue... and run right into Devastator.

Devvy fires optic blasts. Powerglide flies in but Megatron spots him with binoculars emerging from his chest. He sends Ramjet after him. They engage around Devastator and Powerglide lures Ramjet into getting clobbered by Devastator. Warpath fires shells, but Devvy reaches under the ground and grabs him.

Smokescreen rolls out around the tower, getting Devastator's attention. "Here I am, you scrap metal meatball!" He moves just as Devvy kicks him... and Scrapper gets impaled in the tower. The Autobots fire and the combiner topples, taking out him and the tower.

The Constructicons emerge, battered. Megatron calls for a retreat and they leave. Prime calls for the debris to be cleared. "Our friends may be underneath." We see the sun setting and the Autobots digging. Brawn finds the model of the tower. He continues digging and finds a sheet of metal, the pair inside. He punches it open.

Grapple and Hoist are all right, and ashamed. Prime understands, but after repairs the two will clean up the rubble-by themselves. The Autobots transform and roll out-except two.

Grapple finds the model and picks it up. "There'll be other towers to design and build, Grapple." "It was magnificent, for a little while. Wasn't it, Hoist?" And they trans form and roll out, Grapple tossing the model onto the debris.

Thoughts
This is... a great episode. Seriously. A little iffy on Grapple and Hoist so readily believing the Constructicons, but hey. They're engineers and builders, not strategists. And I do wonder if their offer to work with Hoist and Grapple were sincere, at least in the beginning...

The two also got very deep personalities in a very short time. You really got inside their cranial units there. And I could tell they were old friends. Very nice.

Prime's reasoning for rejecting the building of the tower was sound, too. Good to see there.

And of course... the basketball. Good Primus in the Allspark that kicked ass. I don't even know why, but it did.

And now one of my favorite episodes, simply because of how balls-out insane it is.


Auto Berserk
With a title like that, how can you go wrong?

We open on a coastline and a rather cool US military base. Prime is counting down as officers look at a new weapon called the negavator.



It fires and a gantry tower is completely vaporized. Wheeljack and Ironhide are pleased. So are the officers. They take off in a chopper, but one of them reminds the other about a tape recorder. A very-familiar looking tape recorder.

The Autobots gather to congratulate Wheeljack, but Red Alert is worried. "We've had superweapons before, and Megatron's still around!" Another subtle dig there, writers?" His forehead flashes and warns of Decepticon attack! Back at the chopper, the somewhat predictable happens and Soundwave transforms. The chopper takes off in a hurry as Prime calls for the Autobots to move out. Red Alert's assigned to guard the bunker they're in, but he needs Inferno as backup. "Aww, not again! I wanna fight!" Methinks a fire engine was a poor choice for alt mode with him...

The Autobots roll out of a huge structure-seriously, this thing is multiple levels and Transformer-scale. Soundwave's there to meet them at the entrance and ejects Rumble, Ravage, frenzy and Buzzsaw-actually, it's Laserbeak. But four cassettes at a time. More proof of subspace storage?

The Cassetticons begin firing, but the Autobots rush through. However, the firepower eventually proves too much. They retreat and the entrance is collapsed. Grapple is, characteristically, morose at his bunker being damaged. But Wheeljack points out Soundwave's got a clear run at the Negavator. Prime contacts Red Alert,, though.

At the Negatavor, it begins rotating its turret and firing at Soundwave. Ah, clever, Prime! It vaporizes several rocky outcroppings, forcing Soundwave to transform to present a smaller target.

At the bunker, Red Alert channels Clint. "Come on, Soundwave. Make my day!" Inferno's antsy and wants to go topside to help out, but Red Alert tells him to stay there. At the entrance, we get a rather sad line from Grapple. "Someday I want to build something that doesn't get trashed!" And we just had The Master Builders... He and Hoist transform, Hoist extending claws to begin removing rubble. Outside, Soundwave contacts his troops and tells them to capture the Negavator.

At the bunker, the Autobots break through. Grapple is... enthusiastic. "This'll teach you to bomb my buildings!" During the fight, Prime stands guard in front of the Negavator, blocking Red Alert's shot. Soundwave orders Rumble to 'eliminate resistance!' And we get this cute snarky line. "I'm trying, Soundwave!"

Frenzy suddenly just knocks into Prime, sending him sprawling, and Rumble goes for the Nagavator. "Pop him one for me, Frenzy!" He climbs into the cockpit and targets Prime. Frenzy dodges and Rumble tries to fire, but Inferno shows up and shorts out the Negavator's controls. Prime rolls, grabs his laser rifle and apparently it has a machine gun setting.


Seriously, this mere static image can't really show the badass rate of fire here. Ironhide and Wheeljack also return fire.

"Here they come..."

"And there they go!"

Soundwave calls for a retreat, but Rumble fires a rocket back at the bunker's entrance. It twists and winds down the corridor, hitting the controls and almost killing Red Alert. Hoist hears him and helps clear off the debris. Red Alert's head is... sparking in what I presume to be a bad way. He blames Inferno, but Hoist brushes it off. The rest of the Autobots arrive and Red Alert is rather mean to Inferno. To be fair, if Inferno had stayed... not much he could've done.

Red Alert meets with Optimus and accuses Inferno of treason. Prime defends him but Red Alert declares Inferno wants his job. His head also sparks some more. Prime wants Hoist to check him out, but Red Alert brushes him off. Prime relents but tells him to get ready to return to the Ark. Red Alert takes that to mean Prime wants him out of the way, too. "It's a plot!"

The Autobots transform, with Hoist piloting the Negavator. They roll out, but Ravage is observing their progress. We cut to Megatron and Soundwave at what I presume is their main base. Megatron, for one of the only times in the series, insults Soundwave. "You incompetent fools! I must have the Negavator!" Starscream declares he'll get it.

At a canyon, the Decepticons line up as the Autobots drive through it. Rumble knocks some loose rocks down and the Autobots halt. Prime asks him to analyze and Red Alert's interior begins sparking.


Is that normal? I don't think so.

He says the way's clear and they continue on. Megatron orders an attack and Rumble begins an avalanche proper, burying Prime and Ironhide. The Decepticons rush in, sending down curtains of laser fire. Hoist and Grapple go to rescue the buries Autobots while Megatron goes for the Negavator. Smokescreen throws up a cloud of apparently magnetic smoke. The seekers get covered in it like soot. Starscream tells them to use their radar, which is rather obvious. Smokescreen transforms and fires at them and now their interiors spark. We also get some rather humorous dialogue.

"Hey, my circuit's electric blew just out!"

"Too, mine! I'm blind flying."

"Away move, before collide with me!" Ramjet and I believe Thrust hit the mountain. Starscream's vision clears. "It's clreaing! I can see-NNNOOOOO!" And he too bounces off the side of the mountain, so hard he gets stuck in mid-transform.


That is just embarrassing.

Ramjet declared he'd try to take an Autobot with him as he crashes. Prime and Ironhide are freed, but Megatron's inside the cockpit. Unfortunately, Ramjet crashes into said cockpit. Megatron then has a moment of clarity.

"I've got morons on my team!"

The Autobots charge and the Decepticons retreat. Megatron decides to leave Starscream. Prime asks Red Alert why they weren't warned and Red spirals into paranoia. His head's sparking and the Autobots realize how badly damaged he is. He rushes by them and runs off, the Autobots following. We cut briefly to Starscream declaring vengeance upon Megatron before flying off.

Red Alert runs through the forest and loses the Autobots in a city. We cut to a Lamborghini decked out in emergency colors and the Autobots give chase. Ironhide transforms and picks the car up as it stops in front of a fire. "Come on, Red. We'll take care of yah! What's the matter, can't you transform?"



A fire chief pipes up. "Hey, that's my car! Put it back where you found it!" Ironhide complies. "Aww, sorry chief! It looked like a friend of mine!" He transforms and speeds off. "No two ways about it. I gotta take that vacation!"

So... how does a fire chief afford that kind of car?

Red Alert stumbles along, and Starscream calls to him, He goes inside an abandoned building and meets him. Starscream manages to gain Red Alert's trust with some smooth words. Outside, Prime realizes their energy levels are too low and they have to get the Negavator back to base. Inside, Starscream continues laying on the words. He convinces Red Alert to help him to get the Negavator. And it seems Starscreamitis is catching as Red declares he'd be in charge!

Back at the bunker, the Autobots escort the Negavator in. We see a rather lot of ordinance-tanks, shells, the like. The Negavator is rolled into a rather secure cell, but we cut to outside as Red Alert leads Starscream to a secret entrance. We pan back and see Ravage observing the pair and transmitting the images back. The coneheads want to go stop him, but Megatron says to let them get the Negavator-then they'll get it from them.

Some time later, the Autobots emerge to once more look for Red Alert. Grapple is busy clearing away debris, too. I like that. Down below, their target is sneaking around with Starscream. They come upon a grate as a 'tunnel drone' approaches.


Red Alert designed that thing. That says so much there. He blasts a lock, but Starscream blows a hole and they escape through it, setting off alarms and sliding down into the Negavator's cell. Prime and Ironhide run off to investigate.

Red Alert uses the Negavator to blast their way out and they take an elevator up, but the Autobots are there confronting him. He declares Starscream's his partner and descends further into paranoia. Red Alert blasts a bridge. Prime tries to reason with him, but the Decepticons show up. Starscream basically oils himself as he tries to explain himself. Megatron interrupts. "You were just about to deliver the Negavator to me. Correct?" Starscream readily agrees, but Red Alert disagrees.

Starscream literally tackles him out of the cockpit, and Starscream shoots him with his null ray. Red Alert... is sane again? Megatron forces Red Alert to use the Negavator on the Autobots, but Red Alert instead activates the self-destruct. Megatron says he's bluffing, but everyone backs up...

The Autobots counterattack. Megatron tells them to attack, but the Decepticons take off. You can hear the frustration in Megatron's voice as he says, "One day, Prime!" Starscream's had it, though. "Save the oration!" as they all retreat.

Prime tells them to take cover as the Negavator explodes. The Autobots emerge, coughing with Prime... closing his eyes?


That smoky?

He realizes Red Alert's still back there. Ironhide goes, but Prime stops him and is about to go himself. But Inferno goes in, spraying foam, He find Red Alert as the bunker collapses. Red Alert says to save himself, but Inferno manages to pull him out. He's feeling better and starts to apologize, but Prime says it's his fault. The day is safe, once again!

Thoughts
Good episode, nothing too bad. I always enjoy seeing the US military-or any military-interacting and cooperating with the Autobots. Shame about the bunker being totaled, though.

Red Alert... man, thanks to this one episode everyone thinks of him as a loon. Kinda feel sorry for him, there.

Now it's time for some exploratory surgery with...

Microbots
We pan across a jungle, and some caves. An archeologist named Merrick is digging, unearthing a vase and calling his colleague Joan over. She has blue hair. Really blue hair.

Obviously influenced by pop sensation Jem and the Holograms. According to the TF wiki, Joan and Merrick are married. Aww.

Her shovel hits a metal plate. A familiar metal plate. After a fade, we see...



Joan observes it. "It looks like some sort of spacecraft." No... really? Merrick one-ups her. "The Maya didn't have spacecraft." Joan redeems herself. "I know that, but look at the strata. This thing's been here longer than the hill." And to their credit, there's definite layers in the shot. "It could be millions of years old!"

And we cut right to the Decepticon's underwater base. Soundwave gets a magic camera shot of the spacecraft and then a newscaster reporting on the news. Hmm, nothing hidden here. Megatron recognizes it's a Decepticon ship and wants something inside it. Not good!

We cut to the Ark and Perceptor. He's sweet-talking a microchip like Applejack sweet-talked Bloomberg in 'Over a Barrel'. He's in giant microscope mode, focusing in on a chip. He sees the problem-a blocked linkage. We pan out and see Ironhide on a bed and Brawn standing nearby. Ironhide needs it. "I can't remember a thing without it!" Brawn decides today to channel Huffer. "Yeah, Perceptor. There's real work to be done around here!"

Perceptor walks back to the table. "This is real work, Brawn." Which it is. Can't beat up Decepticons without being in working order! Brawn grouses some more and Perceptor eerily echoes what I just typed. "If I didn't fuss with chips, you couldn't crush Decepticons." He activates the standard 80's-cartoon enlarging/shrinking ray and the chip expands, allowing him to work on it better. Bumblebee comes in, defending Perceptor. Brawn is reall channeling Huffer, asking where Perceptor is when they have to fight.

"It takes more than muscle to fight."

"Yeah, it takes courage! Or maybe that word's not in your fancy vocabulary?" Bumblebee shows his own courage by challenging Brawn. "Aww, I'm shaking in my proton boots!" Prime comes in and tells everyone there's a mission. He tells Perceptor to finish up on Ironhide first, but Perceptor begs off, saying he's got too much work. Brawn scoffs, but Prime tells him to stay there.

On the road, Prime tells them about the discovery in South America and that Megatron wants it. Ah... how'd he know Megatron wants it? We cut to the Constructicons and other Decepticons carving a path through the jungle. Rumble and Scavenger have a lovely conversation.

"Nice scenery!"

"Yeah, let's waste it! I hate nice things."

Starscream... misses a tree. As in a stationary tree. As in the most pathetic miss in the entirety of Transformers. Rumble rips into him. "Good shot, Starscream!" "Shut up or I'll blast you, punk!" A rather large snake slithers down from a tree, though. "Hey, hold that pose! I wanna remember you that way!" And it drops down and Starscream spazzes.

Ravage is attacked by a jungle cat and is chased up a tree. He then jumps down and fires a missile. Starscream says to fly, but Megatron orders them to remain on the ground to avoid satellites. That's... rather smart. We cut to the Autobots driving and they have to 'hoof it'. Brawn asks why they don't blast through... like last time in 'Changing Gears'? It's apparently not their style. Meh, maybe the Autobots learned we need the trees for oxygen recycling? They stumble upon the Decepticon's path anyway.

And of course... how'd they get to South America? Skyfire?

They transform and roll out again. Farther ahead, Scavenger picks up the stardrive. The archeologists are about to try to board the ship when the Decepticons arrive. Thundercracker and Scavneger shoot, scaring the humans away. Megatron has them blow a hole in the side of the ship and exposes... the Heart of Cybertron! It's an energy maximizer that powered their ship-the Nemesis-all the way from Cybertron.

Megatron extracts it and has Hook install it. There's a build-up of dramatic music and... "It is done." That's it? Took two seconds! Megatron feels it, which is good as the Autobots arrive. Megatron shoots energy beams through his fingertips and scorches Prime. "Come on, Autobots! Follow your leader's orders and ATTACK!"

Ratchet and Cliffjumper weigh options. "He'll blow us away if we attack." "He'll blow us away if we just stand here! Charge!" He and Bluestreak-who came out of nowhere-are shot. All of the Autobots are taken out. Huffer even tries. "Hope I get lucky!" And his tires are shot out from under him. Smokescreen helps Prime up, who surveys the carnage. He has Smokescreen distract Megatron, who shoots blindly into the smoke-but Smokescreen catches a stray blast. Prime has all the Autobots let loose, then they blast the hill and bury the Decepticons. There's some gorgeous animation for the fight, too.

Prime calls for a status update. Only... five are operational. Ouch. The Autobots get the heck out of there. Back at the Ark, Sparkplug and Perceptor see the battered Autobots in a rather effective sweep across their ranks. Prime tells him to start with Wheeljack as Brawn lays into Perceptor for not being there. Prime bitches him out. "If I hear one more word against him you'll answer to me!" We cut to Prime and Brawn at Teletraan-One, planning. A force field won't cut it against Megatron, but better than nothing.

Back at South America, the Constructicons have dug out the Decepticons. And back to the Ark, Perceptor is busy with repairs. The lights dim and Prime walks in and informs him power's being diverted to the force field. Brawn also is an ass. "Do you have any better ideas, or is your intelligence as fleeting as your courage?" Turns out he does! Get inside Megatron and disconnect the Heart, using his transmat reduction beam to crawl inside and get the Heart out!

Transmat? Did he take a side trip to Gallifrey to pick that up?

Prime likes it. "What do you think of his intelligence now, Brawn?" "Eh, I reserve judgment."


Prime decides Brawn and Bumblebee will go with Perceptor and asks Powerglide if he can fly. "Like a bird!" If said bird was a red A-10 thunderbolt... We cut to the transmat chamber. They're shrunk and loaded onto Powerglide.


Why does this shot fill me with warmth and cheer?

Powerglide takes off and... we get the scene. We all know the scene. I'm not gonna bother transcribing or screen captures. Instead...

Drunk Decepticons

how the hell they got away with this... I'm glad they did!

Powerglide cuts his jets and glides in, seeing them 'over-energized'. Oh, please! They're drunk. He launches the box with the three in it and Megatron comes to. Brawn pops the lid and they get out, running to a seam in his armor. Megatron sees Powerglide and orders the Decepticons to attack... And nothing doing. Megatron goes off himself and takes off.

Inside Perceptor reasons the Heart of Cybertron is in Megatron's chest. Also, in less than two hours the reductor beam wears off and they return to normal size. Brawn speaks for me. "Now you tell us!" Also, the inside of Megatron is funky-looking. Electro-sanitizers whiz by.


"They're protecting Megatron's body from microscopic impurities-and we're the impurities!" The Autobots beat feet modules, and Brawn decides to take initiative. He jumps... rather far, grabbing one of the sanitizers and ripping it apart. He throws the debris at two more and destroys them. They wander into the shoulder joint, around some big gears. Megatron suddenly looks at his watch-seriously, he has a watch-and pistons and gears move about. Perceptor hangs on a gear and falls off, but Brawn catches him before he's caught between two gears. "Some hero! Next time, stay home!"

Brawn, you've officially taken over Huffer's job of being an asshole. Although this means there is nothing Huffer does that someone else can't do better.

At the Ark, Megatron is 100 miles away and ten minutes. Back at Megatron, they're in his neck but don't know which way to go. There's a bright light ahead and they find Megatron's brain... which actually kinda looks like a Spark.


Brawn asks why it's quiet, and it's because Megatron's not engaging his higher brain functions. "Then I've got a honey of an idea! Let's bash brain!" Perceptor and Bumblebee hold him back.

At the Ark, the force field is ready. But it'll only last five minutes. Megatron shows up and all available Autobots are scrambled. Inside Megatron, we learn why Perceptor was against the impromptu brain surgery-if he falls, the Heart could be detonated. Brawn goes for it just as Megatron raises his arm... and a snake from hell snakes from the brain!

"What are they?"

"Brain impulses-E-vil brain impulses!"

Outside, Megatron fires and some gorgeous animation of the Autobots getting trashed. Perceptor has an idea!

Warpath fires at Megatron, but he sidesteps the shells. He fires.

Perceptor realizes Megatron's brain is relaying orders and they can hitch a ride to the Heart. They grab an e-vil brain impulse and are led right to the Heart of Cybertron.

Outside, Warpath is upended-a tech spec weakness-and Brawn goes to rip a wire. Megatron fires at the force field as Perceptor carefully disconnects the wires. The force field takes a pounding as Perceptor tries to dodge the impulses to get to the wire. And the force field's down.

Perceptor finally grabs the wire and disconnects the wire. As the Autobots run for it, they begin growing. Prime fires... and his rifle has some problem firing the whole distance before actually hitting Megatron.

The three Autobots exit Megatron's body with the Heart. Bumblebee, though, has manners. "Ah, excuse us!" Megatron retreats. Wheeljack says to stop them, but the Heart is destabilizing. Brawn chucks it into the atmosphere and Perceptor tracks it. At 2,000 miles, he shoots at it and nails it.

Ratchet snarks a bit. "Do you realize that we just saved Megatron's life?" And he'll... no. Later, during that review.

Brawn is... apologetic, in his own way. "Somebody saved all our lives!"

"Who, Brawn?"

"Ask my buddy here about it. And ask him polite because anyone who doesn't think he's a hero is gonna have to answer to me!"

Thoughts
This is similar to Traitor, but I have less of a problem here, though. Brawn and Perceptor have no prior history like Cliffjumper and Mirage, although Brawn did turn it up past Eleven here.

Awesome to see the Nemesis, too. Nice bit of history. And I admit, humans like Merrick and Joan... I wonder about their history a little.

EVIL brain impulses!

Oh boy oh boy! Up next are my favouritest episodes of Transformers ever! Can't wait! Hurry up and watch them!

Tekka wrote:Oh boy oh boy! Up next are my favouritest episodes of Transformers ever! Can't wait! Hurry up and watch them!

Thanks. I just wish I had more people... responding.



And now an episode that has some somewhat good moments... and some immensely stupid moments. Some of the dumbest...

Megatron's Master Plan part one

We open on a rally outside a solar power plant in 'Central City'. Rather generic name, there. Kinda disappointing since G1 has used RL locations before. The newly-elected mayor is holding an opening ceremony for the plant, donated by Shawn Berger, his campaign opponent. We cut to Berger watching the boradcast on a rather large TV for the time, said TV flanked by armed guards. "Rest assured, Mayor. My contributions have just begun." No, that's not ominous!

Back at the ceremony, Decepticons arrive. Berger says they "took the bait" and places a call. Thrust buzzes the crowd. "Let's teach them the meaning of fear!" Ramjet buzzes the plant and the solar panels shatter like glass... which actually makes sense, considering what happens next. Starscream transforms and lands. "Ignore the humans. Fill the energon cubes!" Okay, so there's onscreen evidence they ignore humans.

They hold their hands apart and... generate energon cubes themselves? An upgrade?! Soundwave must be put out. They walk up to the panels, but there's no energy to be stolen. Starscream quickly realizes what's going on and jumps back as doors retract and rather cool-looking tanks roll out.


They fire and shatter the empty cubes, the Mayor incredulous. "Berger's taken the law into his own hands-again!" He grabs a microphone from a reporter and calls for the Autobots. The tanks continue fire to little effect. Starscream fires once and all three tanks explode. And two of the drivers kinda... vanish from sight. Debris rains down as the Autobots roll in.

We cut to Berger for a moment, angry at them interfering-or as I call it, saving lives-and then back to the Autobots as they transform. Tracks doesn't though, as the COneheads transform and take off. Tracks transforms into his... flying car mode and takes off. I love that mode. He flies off and quickly gets on their tail, firing his black beam gun and nailing Dirge. Ramjet swings around and clips Tracks in the hood, sending him to the ground.

Ironhide calls for shooting STarscream, and Starscream's pinned down. he calls for Thrust, who swoops in and lays down cover fire. "Taste death, Autobots!" Smokescreen fires, nailing Thrust and scrambling his guidance system. Starscream calls for a retreat and they take off. Bumblebee dusts his hands off. "Looks like we showed them, Spike." Dude, you didn't do anything during the entire fight!

The Mayor congratulates them as the crowd cheers. And I get a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. Ironhide makes me smile even more. "Relax, folks. It's all in a day's work!" The Mayor decides to officially honor all the Autobots at city hall. Spike notes it's about time as the Mayor and Prime shake hands.


And somewhere Emo-Prime from Marvel weeps a little more.

Berger shuts off the TV and grouses. "If it wasn't for them, I'd be the hero!" No, your tanks were destroyed and two drivers probably dead. He tells the guards to get out. He walks to the window, then back to his desk. he picks up... okay, forget it. It's Laserbeak in tape form. Laserbeak transforms and grabs him. He shoots the window out before flying and kidnapping Berger. We do a jump cut and... it's sunset, when it was maybe early afternoon a moment ago. How long was Laserbeak flying?

Laserbeak deposits Berger on a hill overlooking Central City-and right in front of Megatron. "Greetings, Mister Berger. I trust your flight wasn't too unpleasant?" Berger threatens him and Megatron nearly blows out his ventilation system, trying not to laugh. He wants to help Berger and says he's been brainwashed by Autobot propaganda. And here we go... He says the Autobots are evil and the Decepticons are good. "Ah, the power of public relations!"

Berger, like anyone else with more than one brain cell, is incredulous. Megatron says he'll show them proof and asks that Berger share his findings. Berger, being slime, asks what's in it for him. "The entire city will be yours!" Megatron says he'll give him proof and has Dirge take him home. "My price is two cities!" Berger... *Sigh* Megatron then speaks for all of us.

"The pompous, gullible fool. He thinks he will be king, but he will never be more than a pawn!"

We cut to an oil refinery and Berger in a helicopter. The-screw it-the fake Autobots show up and produce energon cubes. Oil just kinda... flows from a pipe into one of them fake-Prime is holding. We get more bullshit that Berger laps up like a dog. Sorry, that's an insult to dogs. Fake-Irnohide spots the chopper and fake-Prime shoots at it. The Decepticons show up and we get a staged fight. I'm not even bothering here...

The fake-Autobots lose, naturally. Although there's some good lines. "You won't tarnish our reputation again, Prime!" And somewhere Raksha is cheering... The Decepticons land and blast the fake-Autobots and they run off. Fake-Prime yields and Megatron contacts Berger, asking if he got the footage. Fake-Wheeljack shoots and Dirge picks it up. "Let's make some home movies!" Megatron takes it to be returned to Berger.

We cut to Autobot Day! There's parade in their honor as they roll by the cheering crowds to the city hall. Sunstreaker's impressed. "I never knew humans had such exquisite taste." Prime walks up to the hall and... we cut to him and several other Autobots inside, bypassing the fact that he's too friggin' large to fit through the doors.

The Mayor begins a speech, but it's the one from the opening of the fake power plant. He begins again, but we cut to Berger threatening a technician into playing his tape. Outside, the citizens are shown the fake battle footage. Prime has too much faith in the writers the citizens. "It's an obvious fake. The people will never believe it."

There's more footage of the Decepticons spewing bullshit, like Wheeljack using a device to turn the Decepticons evil and such. Although admittedly, evil-laughing Prime is kinda funky. Bumblebee asks if the Mayor believe it and... armed guards flank the Mator. The Decepticons leave and the collective human IQ drops by a factor of fifty. Spike, Sparkplug and Chip go with them as... *Sigh*

At the Ark, the Autobots are rightfully angry. Bumblebee defends Spike as Prime wonders how to expose the hoax. An alarm sounds as external security detects a breach. Hmm, I guess there's something more to the camera from 'Enter the Nightbird'. There's a visual of one of Berger's tanks. Berger calls for their surrender. Cliffjumper and Ironhide wanna fight, but Prime says no. Prime says he'll only surrender to a legit law enforcement officer... and the Mayor places them all under arrest.

The Mayor isn't a legit law enforcement officer!!!

Prime surrenders and calls for the Autobots to transform and be escorted out. The Mayor wants to believe them, but there's due process. One lousy tape... A reporter polls the masses. One tape and they're all convinced they're guilty. Berger tapes a diatribe against them.

We cut to the Decepticon base as they fly out. We cut to a sports stadium and the Autobots on trial. The Decepticons land as 'evidence' is presented. It's Berger on the stand. Spike in the stands has a feeling, leaps to the ground-instead of taking a normal exit-and runs out. Soundwave sends Ravage after him. No, nothing out of the ordinary there! Ravage gets stuck in a revolving door.

Spike plays the tape and notes the Autobots never transformed, then sees the rest of the tape and Starscream removing his Prime mask. Unfortunately, Ravage arrives. Back at the trial, Chip tries to stall for time, but no go. The judge declares the Autobots guilty and they're banished from Earth and...

I am tempted to stop, but I have no choice to go on. Prime relents. We cut to a... starship. Where did it come from? Wait, Berger?! How the fu ck did Berger get a starship? The Autobots board and it takes off.

Chip asks where they'll go. Sparkplug wonders where his son is... several hours after he disappeared. Berger gloats as the rocket takes off. Chip cries a bit.

At the Ark, Berger and Megatron are there. Megatron accesses teletraan-One and resets the flight path from Cybertron to the sun.

Thoughts
There are a few good things about this episode. Humanity at the beginning giving the Autobts their due, for one thing. 'Autobot Day'. It's one of the reasons I like G1 so much.

The rest...

1. How the hell does one tape convince people the Autobots are evil?!

2. How does a mayor place them under arrest?

3. How does one town sentence the Autobots to exile from Earth? Where the fu cking hell was the national government? Or any other government? Don't tell me Great Britain or the USSR or China or France wouldn't have given them sanctuary.

4. Where the hell does Berger get a starship?!

5. The Ultimate Doom. After that...

I know perceptions can be swayed by the media, but this is way too far and way too much. Where's Jeff, the park ranger? Chip's colleagues? Paul Gates from Quantum Laboratories? Professor Fujiyama the Famous Scientist? The people Ironhide and Bumblebee saved around Sherman Damn in episode two?!

So, yeah. Major, huge flaws in this episode. We'll see the results in part two!

Awww, don't worry, that you're not getting replies. Just look at the view count, you've got at least a good thousand reads out of your posts.

Ahahahaha! XD

It's all true, the episode is utterly absurd, but MMP still has my favourite basic story of any episodes in the whole series. The manipulation of Berger, the framing of the Autobots and their eventual exile, and of course what we know happens in the next episode.

If this story had been given to a competent writer and given a sufficient time expansion, I would like to say it would have been one of the best Transformers stories of all time, simply because of how much happens and how it involves our planet, the various forces that get involved, and what becomes of Central City when the Autobots are out of the picture.

I hear that the new movie borrows from this heavily, though I have yet to see it. It will be interesting to see just how the two match up.

Tekka wrote:Awww, don't worry, that you're not getting replies. Just look at the view count, you've got at least a good thousand reads out of your posts.

It's a... little disheartening, but I do appreciate anyone who posts.

It's all true, the episode is utterly absurd, but MMP still has my favourite basic story of any episodes in the whole series. The manipulation of Berger, the framing of the Autobots and their eventual exile, and of course what we know happens in the next episode.

If this story had been given to a competent writer and given a sufficient time expansion, I would like to say it would have been one of the best Transformers stories of all time, simply because of how much happens and how it involves our planet, the various forces that get involved, and what becomes of Central City when the Autobots are out of the picture.

I hear that the new movie borrows from this heavily, though I have yet to see it. It will be interesting to see just how the two match up.

I agree. there's a core of a great story here. I could see this easily a five-parter like Five Faces of Darkness. But that's it. There's a good idea but bad execution.



Megatron's Master Plan Part Two

We see a parade down Central City celebrating Decepticon Day.



God, this is so wrong on so many levels...

Shawn Berger declares it Decepticon Day as children born without brain stems cheer for them. Sparkplug and Chip are rather disgusted.

Starscream's rather perplexed. "Why waste time? Let's take the city now!" "I have my reasons, which are far beyond your meager understanding!" Beyond mine, too. Chip monologues that Spike's searching for evidence of the Autobot's innocence.

"And there I was, about to be tossed against a wall for sport when the Autobots showed up and saved me from death! I only wish my partner... Jeff... I'm sorry." *Sobs*

We cut to Spike reviewing the tape of the Decepticons faking the energy raid when Ravage shows up... again. Wait, didn't we do this? Spike ducks down and lets Ravage hit himself against a monitor, electrocuting the robo-kitty. He grabs a chair to... somehow fend Ravage off as he shakes the watts off and advances again. Spike demonstrates why he's the alpha-male of TF human sidekicks by knocking a rather heavy-looking shelving unit of tapes into Ravage, pinning him down and making good his escape.

We cut to... an admittedly semi-cool scene at a teen dance of Soundwave acting as the world's most awesome boombox.


Okay. That is cool. And Laserbeak and Rumble's in on it, too.


Sorry, Starscream. You never had groupies IU.

And some moronhuman asks Laserbeak, "Laserbeak want a cracker?"


I'll let you fill in the blank on what he's thinking at this moment...

In the spaceship Berger somehow had lying around to take the Autobots offplanet, we hear Ironhide's voice. "Hey, we going anywhere, Cosmos? Or is this a tour of the stars?"

Hound defends the new toy character. "Lay off him, Ironhide. He didn't cause our problems." Ironhide shows why he's hard. ""You're right. maybe we oughtta take it out on the one who got us into this mess!" Prime defends himself, sorta. "I did what was necessary." No, no you didn't. You did bubkus, Prime. Huffer complains-and I can't fault him for it. That's how much hate I have right now for this.

Cliffjumper jumps out of his seat and runs forward to the controls. Prime finally realizes he screwed up and tells Cliffjumper to turn the ship around. But the guidance system's been jammed! Prime has Hound check their destination. Hound's missile launcher glows and... he finds out they're targeted for the Sun!

Wait, why not ask Cosmos who's outside and pointed in that direction?

Prime has Cosmos link up with Teletraan-One, but he can't interface. The ship begins glowing and the ship and Autobots are overheating. Cosmos transforms and flies into the ship. He tries his hand at the controls, but nothing. At the underwater base of the Decepticons, Berger reminds Megatron he was promised three cities. Megatron sees through the lies, though. "So, still trying to up the ante? How pathetic." His magic monitor shows the ship heading into the sun, and the Autobots sparking and shorting out. And then... destruction.

Megatron gloats, and then turns to Berger."I believe we have a press conference to attend." Oh, oh! Making sure they were out of the way! Okay, clever. The docking tower rises up and they fly out.

Back at the Mayor's office, Spike shows the videotape to the Mayor. "How could we have been so stupid?" Must... resist... Spike says they gotta bring the Autobots back, but might not be possible. We cut to a farmhouse and some kid needing a metal-colored crayon for his Megatron.


Hey, I think I had that coloring book! His parents point out the real Megatron's on TV. Yay! Wait, what? Megatron announces himself and asks for questions. One reporter speaks up. "Now that the Autobots are gone, what are your plans here on Earth?"

"I'm glad you asked-Earth germ! My plan is to conquer this mudball of a planet, and suck it dry of energy!" The reporter states the blindingly obvious. "We've been had!"

NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!

Megatron gloats and the crowd turns on Berger, who has the decency to look somewhat contrite. His security guards comment they've been working for a traitor. The guards storm the Decepticons, but their weapons are taken out by a single flick of Starscream's fingers. Megatron sums it up. "This city is under martial law-and I am the marshal!"

Outside, Dirge, Thrust and Ramjet decide to do some basic terrorizing. "Let us teach them a lesson in sorrow!" Ramjet plows through a building, collapsing it... and folks, aside from some cracks that might indicate it was abandoned... screw it. I think he just killed a lot of humans. He transforms, lands on the top of a skyscraper and fires indiscriminately at the streets. Thrust sideswipes another skyscraper, killing probably hundreds of people inside and dozens of people on the streets below as we get a Gory Discretion Cut to him again shooting down below. Dirge lands and just shoots.

Megatron declares this city Megatronia-One while Berger loses it, telling them of the destruction of the Autobot's ship. "They died in a cosmic funeral pyre!" Spike, Sparkplug and Chip are downcast, and Spike cries. But he decides to clear their names. He runs off, but Laserbeak and ravage are sent after him. Spike trips and loses the videotape. It's destroyed by Laserbeak.

Spike gets up as Berger... rushes, grabs a boom mike and knocks Lserbeak to the side! Spike turns on a lamp and blinds Ravage with it. Shawn asks if he's all right, but it's for naught as Megatron and the others surround them. Spike begs them not to be hurt. "And why should I want to hurt them? Healthy slaves can do much more work! And you, Berger. DO you still want your reward?"

Berger has... gone mental. "YES!"

Megatron responds in kind. "Then you shall have it-everything that you have earned."

We cut to humans working and the Decepticons running things. It's rather bleak, actually. Energon cubes are filled and even Soundwave shows off sadism. "Increase efficiency, or be terminated!" Chip and Spike are there, too. The Mayor is pulling and pushing levers for no discernible reason, too. "Megatron was true to his word. He rewarded Berger with everything he deserved." And we cut to the pathetic sop, doing the same job.

Spike is somewhat sympathetic to him, as he remembers Berger helping him. That's interrupted by Soundwave firing at them. We cut to deep space... and trailbreaker having a crowning moment of awesome.


That's him at the center, maintaining the force field. Cosmos is towing the group, but he's still locked into Teletraan-One. He can't turn from the sun! Back at the slave camp, Chip wants to make a break for it to Teletraan-One. Not sure what it can do, but hey. It's Chip. Spike runs off and pushes a large trolley of energon cubes into Rumble, giving Chip cover to roll for it. Rumble hits computer banks and is fried as the power's shut down.

Chip hits an alarm but keeps rolling. "Megatron! The immobilized human escapes!" Megatron waves him off and tells Thrust to bring him back. Chip spies a truck being loaded and rolsl up the ramp into the trailer. While rolling by he looks out a rent in the side and spots a familiar landmark. He opens the trailer up-which is actually impossible-and rolls off, waving to the driver.

So... what's the driver doing, anyway?

At the Ark, Chip accesses the guidance data and finds out that Megatron was the one to alter the flight plan and where it was sent to. He confirms the rocket's destruction. But Thrust breaks through the roof-how, I don't know. That's Ramjet's function. And even so.... all that rock and metal?

He transforms. "We miss you back at the power plant, human! Why are you here?" Thrust shoots Teletraan over Chip's anguished protests. Chip gets angry. "You... pile of reject parts!" Thrust kneels down and picks him up. "Reject part?" He then transforms and takes off. Back at the slave camp, Chip berates himself but Spike reassures him. Still, Chip's down. "Now there's no hope at all..."

And we cut right to the Autobots and Cosmos. "Hey, I got control back!" He flies back to Earth, with the Autobots in tow. Back at the camp, the humans are working. Megatron is pleased, but Soundwave detects strong energy transmissions. "Of course! From these generators, Soundwave." "Negative, Megatron. From primitive jet engines." I love how he made sure to include 'primitive' in his report. Megatron begins to order Starscream, but, "I anticipated your order, Megatron." Somewhat non-screechy voice there, too. Subtle but effective.

Air Force jets fly in. a good twenty-three by my count. The seekers, coneheads and even Blitzwing transform and take off. It's a slaughter. Oh, and for the record? There were quite a number of jets shot down with NO parachutes coming from them. Seven survive to retreat. Megatron gloats to Sparkplug, Spike and Chip. Berger rushes him but is knocked aside. "Grovel for my amusement!" Ah, so this is what a power trip looks like!

But there's a rumbling from outside... the Autobots have arrived! Megatron has a short breakdown, then rallies his troops. A firefight breaks out. Between all of them.

Spike, Sparkplug and Chip go to a hole in the wall to look out. "Who's winning, Spike?" "Guess!" We cut to the Decepticons laid low, outnumbered and outgunned. Starscream reads my mind with his next line. "It's no use. We're outnumbered!" Megatron calls for a retreat and they leave.

Ironhide frees Chip and Spike from the energon chains while outside, humanity eats humble pie in front of Prime. Berger... is a broken man. He says he'll make amends and disband his private army. Sparkplug rips into him. "Aww, that's real big of you, Berger. They all quit when they foind out what a dog lunch you are!" Dog... lunch?!

"Ah, we-well... I said I'm sorry!"

Prime says his piece. "You are going to face justice, and may it be kinder to you than it was to us." He turns and tells the Autobots to roll for home. I should note he made no gesture of forgiveness to the humans.

Thoughts
There were some good moments here. Some. Moments. Note those. Hell, the first half of part one I loved. It's after that...

So, execution for Berger? That's what I think.