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And now we revisit those lovable big eaters...

The Insecticon Syndrome
We open on a forest, panning down a road. Beachcomber-making his debut-Hound, Bumblebee and Spike are tooling down it, Bumblebee having trouble. Makes sense since he's a beetle and the others are more off road. We see trees with huge chunks taken out of them. A park ranger named Jeff is with Spike. he shows them the trees. "Looks like they were chewed up."

Beachcomber agrees. "They were, and I'm not talking termites. I'm talking big creatures-rrreeeal big." Jeff asks what kind of animals and Beachcomber replies Insecticons.

We cut to their current lair. Turns out the trees were less filling. "You eat a forest of them, and an hour later you're out of energy again!" They transform for a snack. Back with the Autobots and Jeff, the latter expressing... disbelief. "Gigantic robot insects that eat trees? You gotta be kidding!" He says this to a giant robot that changes into a dune buggy...

We cut back to the Insecticons chewing through the forest and an older ranger spotting their destruction. He radios Jeff and Jeff... has a cell phone?


Or a satellite phone. Or an example of advancing human technology. The older ranger-Mike-tells him to meet him at the redwood slope. "Some giant figments are eating the trees!"

Jeff is incredulous. "Giant figment?!" Beachcomber has the best response. "Hey, don't let it get to you, Ranger. Insecticons probably think humans are figments, too." The Autobots transform and roll out. We cut to the Decepticons flying overhead, in search of the Insecticons. Soundwave spots the Autobots, doing a funky pose.


They land and decide to observe the Insecticons as Mike drives along. He decides he was seeing things... just as a redwood nearly crushes his vehicle! He swerves and drives off, the Insecticons chewing him out. "Human drivers!" The Autobots drive up as Mike passes them, nearly running Bumblebee off the road. Shrapnel uses that moment to fire a grenade at the Hound and the firefight is on. Bombshell takes off for a strafing run as Beachcomber leads the humans off. Kickback kicks a tree down a hill at them, forcing them into a river to the edge of a waterfall. Spike sums it up perfectly. "It's a dead end!"

The tree rolls over them... and they're falling to their deaths? The Insecticons crow about their victory, and the Decepticons fly over. "The Insecticons have done well!" Starscream is ever ready with the snark. "Yes, perhaps they should lead us!" "You test my patience, Starscream!" They land and after some almost friendly banter, Megatron makes his proposal. Down at the bottom of the falls, we learn the floating carcasses were merely holograms! The Autobots and humans hid at an overhang right below the cliff.

Bumblebee and SPike run off as Megatron asks him to help them hit the Nova Power Plant for energy. Shrapnel asks what the task is but Bombshell doesn't care, as long as energy's involved. Turns out Megatron wants help in taking the defense computer at Iron Mountain! Spike and Bumblee have overheard and they need to radio Prime.

At the Ark, Prime gets the Autobots together for the mission. Inferno makes his debut as a background character. The Autobots roll out. But, it's too late as the Decepticons and Insecticons arrive at Nova Power Plant. The human security scrambles helicopters for defense, but the Decepticons are not impressed. "Dispense with those primitive devices!" We do our best, but the helicopters are quickly routed. The Autobots transform for action! But the Decepticons return fire.

Laserbeak and Buzzsaw are shot down while Jazz and Inferno go to rescue the human pilots. A pair are trapped in their chopper, but Inferno douses them with a lot of foam. "You better stop saving us, Inferno. We're starting to foam at the mouth!"

As Skywarp and thundercracker transform, the Insecticons chew their way through to the main power core of the plant. They chow down and begin growing. Okay... how's that work? And they decide to take out Megatron. Naturally.

Outside...


Yes, he has no ears but is using a stethoscope. Soundwave hears their plans, but they burst through and grab Soundwave. Shrapnel grabs him in a full nelson and Bombshell fires a cerebro-shell into Soundwave's cranium!

Hound's group arrives, and comes under fire. Wheeljack and Ironhide are climbing power line towers... for some reason. Wheeljack sees the Insecticons burst through and the Insecticons transform, Shrapnel electrifying Ironhide's tower while Bombshell weakens Wheeljack's enough for Kickback to... okay, three guesses and the first two don't count.

And for some reason, a panel on Ironhide's arm opens up. Although the interior looks awesome!



He falls and Prime has several of the Autobots come with him while Bumblebee and... Spike cover them.


Why does Spike have a laser gun?!

Jazz and Hound help out Wheeljack while Inferno and Beachcomber helps out Ironhide. The two are loaded into Prime's trailer and they retreat. Bumblebee sums it up. "I hate fighting in reverse!" Megatron gloats as they ready to attack Iron Mountain.

Back at the Ark, reading from Teletraan indicate the energy from Nova Power is incompatible with the Insecticons' 'trilithium stomachs'. Wait, they have stomachs? They're giant robots! Jazz asks what that'll mean. They'll blow up unless an antidote is found. Wait, how is that bad? That's a good thing!

Well, we now see Iron Mountain. Fairly impressive, actually.


Looks like a bit of an upgrade with GI Joe and Autobot technology. They detect the Decepticons. Megatron tells Soundwave as soon as the Insecticons have helped them, they'll destroy the Insecticons. Not. good.

The military radios for help from the Autobots. And now we realize if the Isnsecticons blow up in Iron Mountain, that would be a bad thing.

At the base, the Decepticons are... not doing much damage to the armor plating. Shields are lowered and laser cannons extend from hidden ports, even Megatron is blown back! We cut to the Autobots rolling for Iron Mountain and Prime telling Ratchet and Wheeljack they need the antidote. We cut to them in a lab, and then to Bombshell having indigestion. "That Nova power core's giving me heartburn! That is, if I have a heart!" Megatron chews him out while Shrapnel uses his own powers to seize control or Iron Mountain's defenses and turn them against the facility.

The Autobots transform and attack. Megatron tells the Insecticons to attack while he goes for the computer. And the Insecticons kicks some skidplate, burying them in rubble. Hound is... pissed when Spike asks them if they're all right. "Just great, if you don't mind two tons of Inferno sitting on your head plates!" Prime digs himself out and then begins blasting away the rubble.

Inside, Soundwave downloads the computer files. And Megatron decides the Insecticons are useless. he goes out and tells the Decepticons to destroy them. The Decepticons... turn on him! Yeah, Bombshell planted cerebro-shells in all of them, then plants Starscream. He tries for Megatron, but it's snatched out of the air like the pebble. He crushes it and stomps on it. Bombshell spazzes out.

Megatron goes to shoot them, but Prime tackles him. Shrapnel leads the Insecticons into the facility and Bombshell orders the Decepticons to fire at them. Megatron rather calmly asks why Prime stopped them, and Prime explains about the instability. Megatron blasts the Seekers with a single shot. Ah, so that's why he's in charge. "Fools, you've flipp-flopped your circuits!"

Ratchet and Wheeljack drive up with the antidotes and Megatron agrees to help Prime. Inside Iron Mountain, Soundwave finishes downloading the data. One neat bit is his chest flashing with the data. Prime and Megatron charge in to stop them, though!


Like a pair of superheroes, there.

Spike warns about the power explosion, but Megatron blasts anyway. The Insecticons begin malfunctioning. Megatron's blasted into a wall and Prime grabs him. He forces the transformation into gun mode and loads the antidote, hitting Bombshell. Kickback grabs Soundwave, but Prime nails him. Both begin shrinking. Spike warns Shrapnel about the power overload, but he doesn't listen and summons lightning. He hits Prime, and Prime drops both Megatron and the antidote.

Spike grabs the antidote, scales Shrapnel and shoves the antidote inside. Bad. Ass! Shrapnel explodes, and the shockwave erases Soundwave's memory. Bombshell's cerebro-shells also burn out. Shrapnel's a pile of junk, but Bombshell fires something from his gun. "We're not that easy to squash, Megatron." the shell explodes over Shrapnel and tiny little energy packets fly out. "We Insecticons know how to get it together!" And the gun's muzzle flashes and Shrapnel's pieces reassemble themselves.

Starscream wanders in, dazed and confused. The Insecticons take off, the Decepticons after them. The Autobots stand outside, sharing a laugh.

Thoughts
A fun little episode, here! Good action, although that park ranger's an idiot. Insecticons are cool, and Iron Mountain. Ah, the ideas there!

What do you all think? A Delta-Six facility? Regular army? Some proto-EDC? Built with Autobot technology, no doubt.

And now...

Dinobot Island
Sorry, Monster Island was being renovated.

We open on Bumblebee and new toy character Powerglide flying over the ocean, Bumblebee with a jetpack. They're heading for odd energy readings Teletraan-One is picking up. Prime indicates the mission is of utmost importance and Bumblebee... has a cute moment. "Wow, I didn't know the big guy thought that much of me." Powerglide shills himself. "Hey, you must be hot stuff, pal. Or you wouldn't be sharing the skies with old Powerglide!" He does a bit of joyriding, nearly knocking Bumblebee into the water.

He hits the energy wave and flies through, Bumblebee spotting an island. And... a pterosaur flies over. He grabs Bumblebee and Powerglide continues to shill his product while going to help. Bumblebee speaks for me. "Can't he just... save a guy without doing a c-commercial?"

Powrglide drops bombs and fires a laser at the big bird. Bumblebee crashes into a large fern and Powerglide lands. He fires what appears to be a welding beam from his forehead to repair Bumblebee's jetpack while the latter goes exploring. Bumblebee even remembers and compares the island to when the Dinobots were being built. Continuity! And we see dinosaurs there in typical 80's fashion, and a T rex comes stomping over. Powerglide transforms and Bumblebee grabs a hold for a quick escape.

Back at the Ark, Bumblebee makes his report. Spike's impressed, but Cliffjumper snarks that the Dinobots are enough problems for them. Wheeljack speaks up in their favor, saying he's been helping them with their finesse. Huffer is... Huffer, being a naysayer. "Once a dino-clutz, always a dino-clutz."

Wheeljack calls Grimlock into the room and he transforms. And now we meet Blaster!


He sounds like a deejay, basically. And he transforms into a tape deck without shrinking. He plays some static and Grimlock shoots him with his laser breath, somehow tuning him to play rock music. How this works deys even TF physics, and that is saying something!

It works at first, but Slag and Sludge transform and wander over. Prime's impressed with Grimlock's work. But Slag and Sludge stumble into Grimlock. The flames go everywhere, nearly incinerating Spike and Sparkplug. Grimlock chastises them. "Slag, Sludge, go away. Me Grimlock demonstrating finesse-whatever that means." He turns, but his huge tail destroys some equipment.

Then Snarl and Swoop transform and head into the maelstrom. Swoop rebounds off of Grimlock and they head to Teletraan-One. Seriously, get that computer a force field! Trailbreaker activates his force field and saves the mainframe. Red Alert and Inferno introdump themselves, transform and speed off to douse the flames.


Only 9.95 plus tax!

So, seriously. A Lamborghini emergency vehicle? I guess by this time, the whole 'disguise' bit for the Autobots wasn't really applicable or necessary. Ratchet and Sparkplug begin repairs, but Snarl knocks the equipment aside. Cliffjumper leads the Autobots to stop the Dinobots, but Prime stops them and tells Grimlock to lead the Dinobots. He calls his soldiers to heel and they also transform to robot mode. "Dinobots not want to make mess, Optimus Prime." Aww. Prime is... understanding. "I know, Grimlock. It's just that you Dinobots are too big to train here." We pan across the destruction as he speaks... Just then, Bumblebee walks up. And suggest the island he found for training!

Spike's still enthusiastic about it.

Outside, Ravage is prowling around just as a... rock wall opens up and the Dinobots walk out. Did they install a back door when we weren't watching? He runs to Soundwave as the latter transforms to tape deck. Prime tells them they'll stay on the island until they're fully trained. The Dinobots... don't mind. "More room to stomp!" "More room good for big Sludge!" "Swoop say whoopee, go!"

Powerglide transforms and Spike boards him. He leads the Dinobots off as Powerglide self-aggrandizes. Soundwave reports to Megatron, who knocks Starscream as he commands Soundwave to dispatch Laserbeak to follow them.

Powerglide does some stunt-flying, scaring the crap out of Spike. They pass through the energy barrier to the island, laserbeak following. Spike finishes filling his vomit bag and names it 'Dinobot Island'. The Dinobots love the place. Powerglide lands and the Dinobots feel at home. Spike's enamored.

Laserbeak flies over and lands. Some small creature crawls over to apparently attempt a mating ritual, but Laserbeak fires optic blasts and scares it away. His head-mounted camera extends as Spike... exposits about the energy sources there. For Laserbeak's benefit I imagine. Powerglide tempts fate. "Good thing those Decepti-cookoos don't know about it." And Laserbeak flies off.

The Dinobots march around, liking Dinobot Island. Powerglide notices Spike... missing. He's wandering around the unexplored and danger-filled island alone. Spike, don't be a Unicron Trilogy kid. Well, some beast flies over and grabs him, taking off and flying up to a nest with eggs larger than the beast. "What is this bird planning on hatching out of these eggs, battleships?" You can forgive Spike's hyperbole, there. But not his wandering around without Autobot escort.

Swoop flies over and saves him. Swoop warns him and Spike says he'll be careful. And a cousin of the Loch Ness monster swims over and grabs him by the collar. The great beast swims off with him, this time Powerglide flying off to help him. Grimlock decides to help him, too. Powerglide balks as Spike is tossed into the air in such manners that would kill an ordinary human. Powerglide takes Spike off the island, the Dinobots calling him 'friend'. Spike is... "I'd write, but you can't read!"

Which begs the question, can they read?

At the Decepticon base, Laserbeak arrives and plays back Spike's exposition and shows the images of the energy. Megatron decides to plunder the place, but Starscream-remembering he was a scientist-wonders about the strange energy waves. Megatron silences him and orders them to Dinobot Island!

The Dinobots begin training. First, target practice. "Hit big rocks!" They... miss. "Rotten shooting, but getting better!" How bad was it before?! The instructions Grimlock hands out are priceless.

"Swoop, do flying stuff!" Swoop does some legit precision flying through trees.

"Slag, do fire stuff!" Slag evaporates a pond without somehow fricasseeing a lizard formerly under the water.

"Snarl, do tail stuff!" Snarl whacks a boulder, hitting Sludge with the debris.

"Getting better, but still not more better enough." The dinosaurs flee as the Decepticons land, Megatron marveling at the energy and making massive boasts. Starscream's still worried, but Megatron dismisses it. Soundwave makes energon cubes. Thundercracker places one near a lava flow and the cube... shoots out a beam that takes in the energy. What are these, cubes mark 2.0?


Blitzwing! The most underrated Decepticon of all time! Hasbro, Classics-ize him NOW!

Lightning begins crackling and Starscream goes... superstitious. "Lightning, a bad omen!" What?! You don't get bad omens-you're a scientist from Cybertron!!!

Grimlock continues praising Swoop as he flies, right over the Decepticon camp. Swoop flies back and reports about the Decepticons. Grimlock decides to kick their skidplates. They transform and stomp out!

At a nondescript town, Spike and Bumblebee are emerging from the local library, Spike with an armful of books. Bumblebee spots some sort of... vortex opening up. And a woolly mammoth emerging.


The barbarian riding it speaks gibberish and begins stampeding around. Bumblebee posits it came through a time warp. They duck inside an old building, but the mammoth knocks into it and it collapses, burying the pair.

Back on the island, the Decepticons gather up the energon cubes. The Dinobots approach, but Megatron decides not to fight them directly. He flies over dinosaurs and fires, sending them stampeding to the Dinobots. The Dinobots are at the edge of a cliff and are driven back. "Even they can't fight all of you!" The rock they're on crumbles... and they fall into tar. Guys, you could've flown... well, they're still not that bright.

Thoughts
Fun episode, here. And yes, we all know how inaccurate it is concerning paleontology and it's not historically accurate... and it's an 80s cartoon and I don't care. ;P

Starscream... bad omen. Yeah. I got nothing.

But Blitzwing! I cannot wait to get to Triple Takeover and then Five Faces of Darkness! He is awesome!

Tune in next time for the exciting conclusion!

And now...

Dinobot Island Part Two
After a short recap and narration by Victor Caroli, we begin with Megatron standing over the tar pit sealing in the DInobots. He gloats and walks off, but Starscream warns him about taking too much energy from the island. Megatron's response is succinct and well thought out. "Scientific gobbledygook, Starscream! Do as I say." yes, ignore the scientist when talking science stuff. Starscream obeys and he goes back to work gathering energy. He and Soundwave get energy from a volcano. Thrust and Ramjet make their debuts getting energy from a steam vent.



There's an earthquake and the volcano erupts. Starscream thinks... he can use this to become leader.

At the Ark, teletraan-One's been repaired. Wheeljack drops that the Dinobots are on Dinobot Island. Ratchet praises Sparkplug's help in the repairs. This is why i like the G1 humans-they can help in repairs and that kind of stuff. Sparkplug's modest, just wanting to keep up with Spike and wonders where his son is. Ironhide tells him he went to the library. Which library we don't know.

An alarm sounds and Huffer is... an asshole. "What's that, more bad news?" Turns out Teletraan is picking up a time warp. In the city-which city?-and near the library! Dunn, dunn, DUNN!

Sparkplug's worried and Ratchet wonders if there's a Decepticon connection. Prime agrees and sends some Autobots to investigate. Prime leads them to roll out. Ratchet reassures Sparkplug. "We all want to help Spike."

At the city, there's a massive traffic jam as the barbarians rampage. I am curious... local authorities? Police, SWAT? The Autobots hit the traffic jam and transform. Hound picks up Bumblebee's energy signature-in the rubble. Huffer, to his credit, is the first one there to start digging. Sideswipe uses two piledrivers and digs them out. Spike praises Bumblebee, who is rather modest. "Ah, anybody'd have done the same." But not everybody's you, 'Bee.

Hound reports on where the energy disturbance is-directly ahead. Ironhide climbs onto an overturned van to get a better look and sees the woolly mammoths. The Autobots are understandably confused. "New Earth life forms?" wonders Huffer with Hound's voice. Prime's on top of things, though. "Or old ones that entered this era through that time warp."

...
Oh, all right! Just once, though!

Let's do the time warp again!!!!!!!!!
...

Hound sees more of the barbarians coming through. One of them smashes a jewelry store window and grabs some stuff. Ironhide implores for action and Prime agrees. "But gently. Remember, those creatures are flash and blood, not unfeeling machines like the Decepticons." Kinda harsh... but also for the most part true.

Huffer grabs a mammoth by the tusks and begins tossing him around. Holy crap! Ironhide fires adhesive at some. We get a bad pun by Sideswipe as Sunstreaker hefts a mammoth. "I hope you packed your trunk!" Boo, hiss! Sunstreaker fires an electric shock at some barbarians while Prime transforms. He has the Autobots load them onto his trailer. Smart thinking, there! But unfortunately the time warp begins closing.

Prime declares they have to get the barbarians through. Sunstreaker shoots the time warp and... somehbow stops it from closing? Hound joins in.


So... tractor beams?! Dumping energy into the time warp to keep it from collapsing? TF physics?!

It expands and the mammoths and barbarians are herded into the time warp. It closes up. Prime and the Autobots roll out, Prime speculating on what caused it. Spike tells him to call Chip in. Which is kinda... obvious, to be honest. Back at the Ark, Chip is on a special platform in front of Teletraan-One when Perceptor and Beachcomber do introdumps. Hey, Beachcomber already had a good introduction! Perceptor transforms into microscope mode, shrinking. Another time warp's registered-but no. It's two time warps!

Out at sea, a yacht with some... fairly buxom ladies on it is motoring along.



A time warp opens up and a pirate ship appears! There's some typical pirate talk as they pull aside and board the yacht. We then cut to a motorcycle gang tooling down the road when another time warp opens up and gunslingers from the Old West show up. Their pistols sound like lasers for a second. They decide to hijack the biker's motorcycles to get away from the law. I am... yeah.

At sea, Seaspray and tracks make their debut as Cliffjumper keeps up on hydrofoils. The pirates demand the treasure and the wenches. Heh. Cliffjumper melts their swords while Tracks transforms. "I'd rather stay in my stunning auto mode, but then I couldn't do this!" He fires black-light beams at the pirates, blinding them. Rather cool shadow silhouettes there. He frees the yacht and Seaspray pushes the pirate ship back with CLiffjumper and Tracks. They push it through.

At the standoff, the bikers rev their engines and charge, scattering the gunslingers. One gunslinger jumps off and tackles a biker as Prowl, Inferno, Red Alert and Jazz pull up. One of these Autobots isn't like the others... The gunslingers freak out and ask what's next. Prowl is rather badass. "Disarmament-acid pellet style." He destroys their guns with pinpoint accuracy. Jazz deploys his speakers and the gunslingers mount up. Red Alert and Inferno herd them back to the time warp.

One thing that's actually rather cool is in each incident, the Autobots really didn't have much of a problem handling the time travelers. They're rounded up with minimal fuss and sent back through the time warp.

Back at the Ark, Chip figures out the disturbances are coming from Dinobot Island. Just then, Mount Saint Hillary begin rumbling. Prime declares they must go and repair the damage. He gives Warpath a name and introduces Smokescreen while ordering the Autobots to get jetpacks on and follow him. The top of Mount Saint Hillary opens and they fly off!

On Dinobot Island, Megatron orders more cubes but Starscream warns against it. "We have violated this island with cataclysmic results!" The earth rumbles and Starscream tells him to leave before the island explodes. Megatron brushes him off. "I don't care if the whole Earth explodes, we can always relocate!" No, you can't. Astrotrain hasn't been introduced yet!

Back at the tar pit the Dinobots sank into, the tar evaporates as they use their fire breath on it. The Dinobots break free and clean themselves off. Grimlock says the island's in danger. "Maybe the Decepticons do bad stuff to island!" Swoop is spot on, there. Slag knows how to solve this perplexing problem. "We do more badder stuff to Decepticons!" Grimlock agrees and they fly off. We cut to the Autobots landing, Prime saying if the energy's removed from the island, "the entire galaxy could crumble!" Okay, I buy the Solar System, but the galaxy? Nah.

Ironhide approaches and is spotted by the Decepticons. Prime's shot by Megatron but isn't seriously hurt. The Autobots fire and the firefight breaks out. Starscream makes the tactically obvious choice. "Attack from the sky!" Warpath fires and introdumps himself. "They don't call me Warpath because I'm gentle!" He blows Skywarp and Thundercracker out of the air before Starscream hits him with null rays.

Megatron transforms into gun mode and with one shot, splits the ground open. Beachcomber is firing weird energy from his hands. "Like I hope we don't destroy this place before we can study it. Wow!" Blitzwing attacks him from behind, but Warpath-apparently recovered from the null rays-confronts him. The fight's inconclusive as the ground fractures beneath them. There's more scenes of geological instability as the Dinobots arrive.

Sludge asks if they attack now. "Yes, but not alone!" We see dinosaurs and Grimlock approaches, firing his laser rifle. He transforms and opens his mouth. A light shines inside and somehow this inspires the dinosaurs to follow the Dinobots. What, did he steal that from Trypticon? The Dinobots transform as Slag declares they'll fight together.

Back at the firefight, the Autobots are being wiped out. The dinosaurs approach and quickly take out the Decepticons.


Ouch....

There's of course the size problems, but I don't care. Dinosaurs are fighting giant robots. Coolness defined. Megatron is ensconced by them. "If only one Decepticon survives this assault, it shall be I!" Yeah, he really cares for his troops. He makes a break for it, but runs into the Dinobots. "I saw you perish beneath the tar pits!" Grimlock shoots him down both literally and figuratively. "You wrong, and you ugly too!" Megatron calls for a retreat and the Decepticons flee.

The Autobots destroy the energon cubes and the energy released stabilizes the island. To me, that... makes sense. Prime declares the Dinobots may return with them as they fly off.



Thoughts
A very fun two-parter basically built of crazy awesome and cool. Just... all-out wacky incredible. I love it.

But... it does demonstrate a weakness of season two compared to season one. In season one, once we got past MTMTE we had four introductions of toys/characters-Skyfire, the Dinobots, the Insecticons and the Constructicons. Each one was introduced to sell toys, naturally. That's what drives Transformers. But... each one also had a defined origin.

Skyfire was a scientist from Cybertron buried in the Arctic.

The Dinobots were built by the Autobots as basically heavy-duty soldiers.

The Insecticons were crew aboard the Nemesis and jettisoned before it crashed into Earth.

The Constructicons-at the time-were 'built' by the Decepticons.

Here... they're just dumped in with a few 'buy my toy!' lines and that's it. And it bugs me.

But overall, I really did like this episode. Also good to see the Autobots being able to handle humans with a minimum of fuss.

[And now for one of my favorite episodes...

The Master Builders
Powerglide is flying through the air, boasting as usual. "King of the cloud chasers, sultan of the stratosphere, ace of the air!" And Skywarp gets on his tail and fires. Powerglide... maneuvers around and blasts his starboard wing off. Da-yum! Starscream appears on his tail and manages to hit his engines, sending him crashing.

We cut... to the Ark, and we meet Hoist and Grapple!


Grapple is building a model of a solar power collector. "Here comes the sun!"

...

Here comes the sun!

...

Damn, I needed that bit of cheering up. Anyway...

He shines a light on it and panels open up, generating energy. Hoist praises his achievement, but Grapple wonders if Prime will be impressed. "Well, if he's not impressed, I'll be de pressed. Hoist and Grapple wheel the tower through the base, getting praise from Wheeljack. Just a nice touch, there.

We come upon Prime, playing basketball with Spike. This is cool beyond words. There are literally no words to describe how cool it is to see Optimus slaggin' Prime playing basketball. "Am I drooling correctly?" "The word is dribbling, Optimus!"


And this is why G1 animated Prime is the best Optimus Prime in franchise history.

Hoist and Grapple approach and Prime lobs the ball to Spike. "Here, Spike. Compute quickly!" Spike is nearly thrown through the floor by the impact of the ball, which again is too awesome for words. Spike recovers and sees the model. "Did you guys make that slick doohickey?"

Prime becomes 20% cooler. "And just what does your doohickey do?" Grapple explains his power tower, but Hoist buts in with praise. Grapple asks permission to build a full-size tower. Prime agrees it would be a tremendous energy producer, but also gently asks how it would be defended from the Decepticons. He regretfully denies permission to build the tower. Good reasoning, there.

Teletraan-One pipes up and declares 'Condition Magenta', reporting Powerglide being shot down. Hoist and Grapple roll out to help him. There, Grapple fixes powerglide, grousing a bit. Powerglide takes off and thanks Grapple. The two roll back for home through a canyon. Grapple asks if they can build the tower without Prime's permission. Hoist's aghast, and points out they don't have the supplies to build it.

We pan up and see Scrapper looking at them, lying on his... belly plates? As Grapple realizes they can't do it. We also cut to see the other five COnstructicons looking down at them. Hoist gets worried... just as small rocks begin falling. They see the Constructicons and roll for it, but Scavenger blocks their way. They reverse and Mixmaster fills up the other end with cement. Scrapper jumps down, arms up. "Hold your fire, Autobots!" Hoist aims anyway. "And miss a chance to nail you? Never!" He and Grapple fire.

Scrapper's knocked over and Bonecrusher pushes a chunk of rock down onto them, burying Hoist and Grapple. We see them buried in rock. Scrapper lands again and says they're not enemies. "Megatron knows nothing of our meeting with you!" Hoist pulls his gun arm free, but Grapple wonders what he wants to talk about. The other COnstructicons land and Grapple asks what he wants. Scrapper says they left the Decepticons... as a camera pops out of a rock.


Okay, why is a camera installed in a rock?! Anyway, Scrapper says Megatron ignored their potential and they admired the buildings Grapple built. We pan back and see Megatron and Starscream watching them from the camera as he proposes an alliance.

Starscream calls for their heads, but Megatron says to leave them to him. Back at the canyon, Grapple asks for proof of their intentions. Scrapper frees them and the Constructicons fly off. We next see them transforming in front of the Decepticons in what I presume to be their main underwater base. Starscream and Skywarp have guns trained on them as Megatron accuses them of being traitors.

He shows them the video and Scrapper backpedals. Actually, all six of them backpedal, saying they eavesdropped on the Autobots' and heard about the tower. They help build the tower and take it over. It... makes sense, but also leaves me wondering if they're playing both sides here. Megatron likes the idea, but warns about actual betrayal. Smart, there.

Scrapper says he needs proof of their 'betrayal'. Megatron agrees. "Then you must give him my most precious possession." He then laughs... for some reason. Seriously, it's kinda creepy. Back with Hoist and Grapple, Scrapper lands and the rest of the COnstructicons pull up. Long Haul is stacked with energon cubes. Scrapper says they stole them from Megatron. They're convinced.

Over at a construction site, a foreman barks they're behind schedule. The Constructicons pull up and transform. They take a lot of the building materials and the foreman apparently has a nervous breakdown. I should also note that although the COnstructicons steal the materials, they do no collateral damage I can see.

At the site for the tower, Scrapper and Grapple look over the plans.



We see a montage of the work building the tower. It's rather neat, actually. In one scene, the proper tying method for girders is even used. Grapple's impressed, as he should be.

Back at the Ark, Prime... I'll let him describe it.

"He shoots, he scores! What a star!"

Actual dialogue, folks. I am dead-serious. The win... the win....

There's a Transformer-sized basketball court and Prime wants to be like Mike. "Watch out, Spike. I'm driving for a lay off!" He maneuvers past Tracks and...





He walks over and helps Tracks up. He needs a bit of maintenance but can't get an appointment with Hoist. Turns out he and Grapple have been gone all day. Prime sends Powerglide out to find them.

Back at the site, Scavenger asks for help with welding the joints. Ah... he's a Constructicon and can't weld joints?! He asks help from Grapple, so the two go up and Grapple shows him how to weld properly. Hook also needs some help with a panel. And I think Hook is simply feigning ignorance here. Sneaky! He orders more panels from Long Haul. "Aww, get this, bring that. I thought I was finally gonna build something!" Dude, you're a dump truck! Next time pick a different alt mode!!!

We cut to Hoist and Grapple working, and then up to Powerglide as he sees the tower. He interrupts Prime as he's rolling a basketball down his arms. Powerglide extends a camera from his nosecone and we see Grapple and Hoist with the Constructicons. Prime calls for a strike force!

At the tower... we learn a sun-focusing sphere hasn't been put up at the top. To be fair, Grapple wonders why he didn't see the problem coming. Scrapper suggests he has a solution and the Constructicons merge into Devastator. He picks up the sphere with Grapple on it and puts it on top. The tower is done!

And there's a large explosion. Megatron appears and Devastator picks them up. We cut to energon cubes being made by the literal truckload. Four hundred charged!

We cut to the Autobots rolling. They see the tower and Spike... "Man, that's so tall the top is in a different time zone than the bottom!" Spike... No sign of Grapple or Hoist. The Autobots fire lasers from their headlights-obviously an upgrade due to 'The Autobot Run' and cause some damage. The Constructicons run around the tower while Megatron calls for a regrouping. The Autobots pursue... and run right into Devastator.

Devvy fires optic blasts. Powerglide flies in but Megatron spots him with binoculars emerging from his chest. He sends Ramjet after him. They engage around Devastator and Powerglide lures Ramjet into getting clobbered by Devastator. Warpath fires shells, but Devvy reaches under the ground and grabs him.

Smokescreen rolls out around the tower, getting Devastator's attention. "Here I am, you scrap metal meatball!" He moves just as Devvy kicks him... and Scrapper gets impaled in the tower. The Autobots fire and the combiner topples, taking out him and the tower.

The Constructicons emerge, battered. Megatron calls for a retreat and they leave. Prime calls for the debris to be cleared. "Our friends may be underneath." We see the sun setting and the Autobots digging. Brawn finds the model of the tower. He continues digging and finds a sheet of metal, the pair inside. He punches it open.

Grapple and Hoist are all right, and ashamed. Prime understands, but after repairs the two will clean up the rubble-by themselves. The Autobots transform and roll out-except two.

Grapple finds the model and picks it up. "There'll be other towers to design and build, Grapple." "It was magnificent, for a little while. Wasn't it, Hoist?" And they trans form and roll out, Grapple tossing the model onto the debris.

Thoughts
This is... a great episode. Seriously. A little iffy on Grapple and Hoist so readily believing the Constructicons, but hey. They're engineers and builders, not strategists. And I do wonder if their offer to work with Hoist and Grapple were sincere, at least in the beginning...

The two also got very deep personalities in a very short time. You really got inside their cranial units there. And I could tell they were old friends. Very nice.

Prime's reasoning for rejecting the building of the tower was sound, too. Good to see there.

And of course... the basketball. Good Primus in the Allspark that kicked ass. I don't even know why, but it did.

And now one of my favorite episodes, simply because of how balls-out insane it is.


Auto Berserk
With a title like that, how can you go wrong?

We open on a coastline and a rather cool US military base. Prime is counting down as officers look at a new weapon called the negavator.



It fires and a gantry tower is completely vaporized. Wheeljack and Ironhide are pleased. So are the officers. They take off in a chopper, but one of them reminds the other about a tape recorder. A very-familiar looking tape recorder.

The Autobots gather to congratulate Wheeljack, but Red Alert is worried. "We've had superweapons before, and Megatron's still around!" Another subtle dig there, writers?" His forehead flashes and warns of Decepticon attack! Back at the chopper, the somewhat predictable happens and Soundwave transforms. The chopper takes off in a hurry as Prime calls for the Autobots to move out. Red Alert's assigned to guard the bunker they're in, but he needs Inferno as backup. "Aww, not again! I wanna fight!" Methinks a fire engine was a poor choice for alt mode with him...

The Autobots roll out of a huge structure-seriously, this thing is multiple levels and Transformer-scale. Soundwave's there to meet them at the entrance and ejects Rumble, Ravage, frenzy and Buzzsaw-actually, it's Laserbeak. But four cassettes at a time. More proof of subspace storage?

The Cassetticons begin firing, but the Autobots rush through. However, the firepower eventually proves too much. They retreat and the entrance is collapsed. Grapple is, characteristically, morose at his bunker being damaged. But Wheeljack points out Soundwave's got a clear run at the Negavator. Prime contacts Red Alert,, though.

At the Negatavor, it begins rotating its turret and firing at Soundwave. Ah, clever, Prime! It vaporizes several rocky outcroppings, forcing Soundwave to transform to present a smaller target.

At the bunker, Red Alert channels Clint. "Come on, Soundwave. Make my day!" Inferno's antsy and wants to go topside to help out, but Red Alert tells him to stay there. At the entrance, we get a rather sad line from Grapple. "Someday I want to build something that doesn't get trashed!" And we just had The Master Builders... He and Hoist transform, Hoist extending claws to begin removing rubble. Outside, Soundwave contacts his troops and tells them to capture the Negavator.

At the bunker, the Autobots break through. Grapple is... enthusiastic. "This'll teach you to bomb my buildings!" During the fight, Prime stands guard in front of the Negavator, blocking Red Alert's shot. Soundwave orders Rumble to 'eliminate resistance!' And we get this cute snarky line. "I'm trying, Soundwave!"

Frenzy suddenly just knocks into Prime, sending him sprawling, and Rumble goes for the Nagavator. "Pop him one for me, Frenzy!" He climbs into the cockpit and targets Prime. Frenzy dodges and Rumble tries to fire, but Inferno shows up and shorts out the Negavator's controls. Prime rolls, grabs his laser rifle and apparently it has a machine gun setting.


Seriously, this mere static image can't really show the badass rate of fire here. Ironhide and Wheeljack also return fire.

"Here they come..."

"And there they go!"

Soundwave calls for a retreat, but Rumble fires a rocket back at the bunker's entrance. It twists and winds down the corridor, hitting the controls and almost killing Red Alert. Hoist hears him and helps clear off the debris. Red Alert's head is... sparking in what I presume to be a bad way. He blames Inferno, but Hoist brushes it off. The rest of the Autobots arrive and Red Alert is rather mean to Inferno. To be fair, if Inferno had stayed... not much he could've done.

Red Alert meets with Optimus and accuses Inferno of treason. Prime defends him but Red Alert declares Inferno wants his job. His head also sparks some more. Prime wants Hoist to check him out, but Red Alert brushes him off. Prime relents but tells him to get ready to return to the Ark. Red Alert takes that to mean Prime wants him out of the way, too. "It's a plot!"

The Autobots transform, with Hoist piloting the Negavator. They roll out, but Ravage is observing their progress. We cut to Megatron and Soundwave at what I presume is their main base. Megatron, for one of the only times in the series, insults Soundwave. "You incompetent fools! I must have the Negavator!" Starscream declares he'll get it.

At a canyon, the Decepticons line up as the Autobots drive through it. Rumble knocks some loose rocks down and the Autobots halt. Prime asks him to analyze and Red Alert's interior begins sparking.


Is that normal? I don't think so.

He says the way's clear and they continue on. Megatron orders an attack and Rumble begins an avalanche proper, burying Prime and Ironhide. The Decepticons rush in, sending down curtains of laser fire. Hoist and Grapple go to rescue the buries Autobots while Megatron goes for the Negavator. Smokescreen throws up a cloud of apparently magnetic smoke. The seekers get covered in it like soot. Starscream tells them to use their radar, which is rather obvious. Smokescreen transforms and fires at them and now their interiors spark. We also get some rather humorous dialogue.

"Hey, my circuit's electric blew just out!"

"Too, mine! I'm blind flying."

"Away move, before collide with me!" Ramjet and I believe Thrust hit the mountain. Starscream's vision clears. "It's clreaing! I can see-NNNOOOOO!" And he too bounces off the side of the mountain, so hard he gets stuck in mid-transform.


That is just embarrassing.

Ramjet declared he'd try to take an Autobot with him as he crashes. Prime and Ironhide are freed, but Megatron's inside the cockpit. Unfortunately, Ramjet crashes into said cockpit. Megatron then has a moment of clarity.

"I've got morons on my team!"

The Autobots charge and the Decepticons retreat. Megatron decides to leave Starscream. Prime asks Red Alert why they weren't warned and Red spirals into paranoia. His head's sparking and the Autobots realize how badly damaged he is. He rushes by them and runs off, the Autobots following. We cut briefly to Starscream declaring vengeance upon Megatron before flying off.

Red Alert runs through the forest and loses the Autobots in a city. We cut to a Lamborghini decked out in emergency colors and the Autobots give chase. Ironhide transforms and picks the car up as it stops in front of a fire. "Come on, Red. We'll take care of yah! What's the matter, can't you transform?"



A fire chief pipes up. "Hey, that's my car! Put it back where you found it!" Ironhide complies. "Aww, sorry chief! It looked like a friend of mine!" He transforms and speeds off. "No two ways about it. I gotta take that vacation!"

So... how does a fire chief afford that kind of car?

Red Alert stumbles along, and Starscream calls to him, He goes inside an abandoned building and meets him. Starscream manages to gain Red Alert's trust with some smooth words. Outside, Prime realizes their energy levels are too low and they have to get the Negavator back to base. Inside, Starscream continues laying on the words. He convinces Red Alert to help him to get the Negavator. And it seems Starscreamitis is catching as Red declares he'd be in charge!

Back at the bunker, the Autobots escort the Negavator in. We see a rather lot of ordinance-tanks, shells, the like. The Negavator is rolled into a rather secure cell, but we cut to outside as Red Alert leads Starscream to a secret entrance. We pan back and see Ravage observing the pair and transmitting the images back. The coneheads want to go stop him, but Megatron says to let them get the Negavator-then they'll get it from them.

Some time later, the Autobots emerge to once more look for Red Alert. Grapple is busy clearing away debris, too. I like that. Down below, their target is sneaking around with Starscream. They come upon a grate as a 'tunnel drone' approaches.


Red Alert designed that thing. That says so much there. He blasts a lock, but Starscream blows a hole and they escape through it, setting off alarms and sliding down into the Negavator's cell. Prime and Ironhide run off to investigate.

Red Alert uses the Negavator to blast their way out and they take an elevator up, but the Autobots are there confronting him. He declares Starscream's his partner and descends further into paranoia. Red Alert blasts a bridge. Prime tries to reason with him, but the Decepticons show up. Starscream basically oils himself as he tries to explain himself. Megatron interrupts. "You were just about to deliver the Negavator to me. Correct?" Starscream readily agrees, but Red Alert disagrees.

Starscream literally tackles him out of the cockpit, and Starscream shoots him with his null ray. Red Alert... is sane again? Megatron forces Red Alert to use the Negavator on the Autobots, but Red Alert instead activates the self-destruct. Megatron says he's bluffing, but everyone backs up...

The Autobots counterattack. Megatron tells them to attack, but the Decepticons take off. You can hear the frustration in Megatron's voice as he says, "One day, Prime!" Starscream's had it, though. "Save the oration!" as they all retreat.

Prime tells them to take cover as the Negavator explodes. The Autobots emerge, coughing with Prime... closing his eyes?


That smoky?

He realizes Red Alert's still back there. Ironhide goes, but Prime stops him and is about to go himself. But Inferno goes in, spraying foam, He find Red Alert as the bunker collapses. Red Alert says to save himself, but Inferno manages to pull him out. He's feeling better and starts to apologize, but Prime says it's his fault. The day is safe, once again!

Thoughts
Good episode, nothing too bad. I always enjoy seeing the US military-or any military-interacting and cooperating with the Autobots. Shame about the bunker being totaled, though.

Red Alert... man, thanks to this one episode everyone thinks of him as a loon. Kinda feel sorry for him, there.

Now it's time for some exploratory surgery with...

Microbots
We pan across a jungle, and some caves. An archeologist named Merrick is digging, unearthing a vase and calling his colleague Joan over. She has blue hair. Really blue hair.

Obviously influenced by pop sensation Jem and the Holograms. According to the TF wiki, Joan and Merrick are married. Aww.

Her shovel hits a metal plate. A familiar metal plate. After a fade, we see...



Joan observes it. "It looks like some sort of spacecraft." No... really? Merrick one-ups her. "The Maya didn't have spacecraft." Joan redeems herself. "I know that, but look at the strata. This thing's been here longer than the hill." And to their credit, there's definite layers in the shot. "It could be millions of years old!"

And we cut right to the Decepticon's underwater base. Soundwave gets a magic camera shot of the spacecraft and then a newscaster reporting on the news. Hmm, nothing hidden here. Megatron recognizes it's a Decepticon ship and wants something inside it. Not good!

We cut to the Ark and Perceptor. He's sweet-talking a microchip like Applejack sweet-talked Bloomberg in 'Over a Barrel'. He's in giant microscope mode, focusing in on a chip. He sees the problem-a blocked linkage. We pan out and see Ironhide on a bed and Brawn standing nearby. Ironhide needs it. "I can't remember a thing without it!" Brawn decides today to channel Huffer. "Yeah, Perceptor. There's real work to be done around here!"

Perceptor walks back to the table. "This is real work, Brawn." Which it is. Can't beat up Decepticons without being in working order! Brawn grouses some more and Perceptor eerily echoes what I just typed. "If I didn't fuss with chips, you couldn't crush Decepticons." He activates the standard 80's-cartoon enlarging/shrinking ray and the chip expands, allowing him to work on it better. Bumblebee comes in, defending Perceptor. Brawn is reall channeling Huffer, asking where Perceptor is when they have to fight.

"It takes more than muscle to fight."

"Yeah, it takes courage! Or maybe that word's not in your fancy vocabulary?" Bumblebee shows his own courage by challenging Brawn. "Aww, I'm shaking in my proton boots!" Prime comes in and tells everyone there's a mission. He tells Perceptor to finish up on Ironhide first, but Perceptor begs off, saying he's got too much work. Brawn scoffs, but Prime tells him to stay there.

On the road, Prime tells them about the discovery in South America and that Megatron wants it. Ah... how'd he know Megatron wants it? We cut to the Constructicons and other Decepticons carving a path through the jungle. Rumble and Scavenger have a lovely conversation.

"Nice scenery!"

"Yeah, let's waste it! I hate nice things."

Starscream... misses a tree. As in a stationary tree. As in the most pathetic miss in the entirety of Transformers. Rumble rips into him. "Good shot, Starscream!" "Shut up or I'll blast you, punk!" A rather large snake slithers down from a tree, though. "Hey, hold that pose! I wanna remember you that way!" And it drops down and Starscream spazzes.

Ravage is attacked by a jungle cat and is chased up a tree. He then jumps down and fires a missile. Starscream says to fly, but Megatron orders them to remain on the ground to avoid satellites. That's... rather smart. We cut to the Autobots driving and they have to 'hoof it'. Brawn asks why they don't blast through... like last time in 'Changing Gears'? It's apparently not their style. Meh, maybe the Autobots learned we need the trees for oxygen recycling? They stumble upon the Decepticon's path anyway.

And of course... how'd they get to South America? Skyfire?

They transform and roll out again. Farther ahead, Scavenger picks up the stardrive. The archeologists are about to try to board the ship when the Decepticons arrive. Thundercracker and Scavneger shoot, scaring the humans away. Megatron has them blow a hole in the side of the ship and exposes... the Heart of Cybertron! It's an energy maximizer that powered their ship-the Nemesis-all the way from Cybertron.

Megatron extracts it and has Hook install it. There's a build-up of dramatic music and... "It is done." That's it? Took two seconds! Megatron feels it, which is good as the Autobots arrive. Megatron shoots energy beams through his fingertips and scorches Prime. "Come on, Autobots! Follow your leader's orders and ATTACK!"

Ratchet and Cliffjumper weigh options. "He'll blow us away if we attack." "He'll blow us away if we just stand here! Charge!" He and Bluestreak-who came out of nowhere-are shot. All of the Autobots are taken out. Huffer even tries. "Hope I get lucky!" And his tires are shot out from under him. Smokescreen helps Prime up, who surveys the carnage. He has Smokescreen distract Megatron, who shoots blindly into the smoke-but Smokescreen catches a stray blast. Prime has all the Autobots let loose, then they blast the hill and bury the Decepticons. There's some gorgeous animation for the fight, too.

Prime calls for a status update. Only... five are operational. Ouch. The Autobots get the heck out of there. Back at the Ark, Sparkplug and Perceptor see the battered Autobots in a rather effective sweep across their ranks. Prime tells him to start with Wheeljack as Brawn lays into Perceptor for not being there. Prime bitches him out. "If I hear one more word against him you'll answer to me!" We cut to Prime and Brawn at Teletraan-One, planning. A force field won't cut it against Megatron, but better than nothing.

Back at South America, the Constructicons have dug out the Decepticons. And back to the Ark, Perceptor is busy with repairs. The lights dim and Prime walks in and informs him power's being diverted to the force field. Brawn also is an ass. "Do you have any better ideas, or is your intelligence as fleeting as your courage?" Turns out he does! Get inside Megatron and disconnect the Heart, using his transmat reduction beam to crawl inside and get the Heart out!

Transmat? Did he take a side trip to Gallifrey to pick that up?

Prime likes it. "What do you think of his intelligence now, Brawn?" "Eh, I reserve judgment."


Prime decides Brawn and Bumblebee will go with Perceptor and asks Powerglide if he can fly. "Like a bird!" If said bird was a red A-10 thunderbolt... We cut to the transmat chamber. They're shrunk and loaded onto Powerglide.


Why does this shot fill me with warmth and cheer?

Powerglide takes off and... we get the scene. We all know the scene. I'm not gonna bother transcribing or screen captures. Instead...

Drunk Decepticons

how the hell they got away with this... I'm glad they did!

Powerglide cuts his jets and glides in, seeing them 'over-energized'. Oh, please! They're drunk. He launches the box with the three in it and Megatron comes to. Brawn pops the lid and they get out, running to a seam in his armor. Megatron sees Powerglide and orders the Decepticons to attack... And nothing doing. Megatron goes off himself and takes off.

Inside Perceptor reasons the Heart of Cybertron is in Megatron's chest. Also, in less than two hours the reductor beam wears off and they return to normal size. Brawn speaks for me. "Now you tell us!" Also, the inside of Megatron is funky-looking. Electro-sanitizers whiz by.


"They're protecting Megatron's body from microscopic impurities-and we're the impurities!" The Autobots beat feet modules, and Brawn decides to take initiative. He jumps... rather far, grabbing one of the sanitizers and ripping it apart. He throws the debris at two more and destroys them. They wander into the shoulder joint, around some big gears. Megatron suddenly looks at his watch-seriously, he has a watch-and pistons and gears move about. Perceptor hangs on a gear and falls off, but Brawn catches him before he's caught between two gears. "Some hero! Next time, stay home!"

Brawn, you've officially taken over Huffer's job of being an asshole. Although this means there is nothing Huffer does that someone else can't do better.

At the Ark, Megatron is 100 miles away and ten minutes. Back at Megatron, they're in his neck but don't know which way to go. There's a bright light ahead and they find Megatron's brain... which actually kinda looks like a Spark.


Brawn asks why it's quiet, and it's because Megatron's not engaging his higher brain functions. "Then I've got a honey of an idea! Let's bash brain!" Perceptor and Bumblebee hold him back.

At the Ark, the force field is ready. But it'll only last five minutes. Megatron shows up and all available Autobots are scrambled. Inside Megatron, we learn why Perceptor was against the impromptu brain surgery-if he falls, the Heart could be detonated. Brawn goes for it just as Megatron raises his arm... and a snake from hell snakes from the brain!

"What are they?"

"Brain impulses-E-vil brain impulses!"

Outside, Megatron fires and some gorgeous animation of the Autobots getting trashed. Perceptor has an idea!

Warpath fires at Megatron, but he sidesteps the shells. He fires.

Perceptor realizes Megatron's brain is relaying orders and they can hitch a ride to the Heart. They grab an e-vil brain impulse and are led right to the Heart of Cybertron.

Outside, Warpath is upended-a tech spec weakness-and Brawn goes to rip a wire. Megatron fires at the force field as Perceptor carefully disconnects the wires. The force field takes a pounding as Perceptor tries to dodge the impulses to get to the wire. And the force field's down.

Perceptor finally grabs the wire and disconnects the wire. As the Autobots run for it, they begin growing. Prime fires... and his rifle has some problem firing the whole distance before actually hitting Megatron.

The three Autobots exit Megatron's body with the Heart. Bumblebee, though, has manners. "Ah, excuse us!" Megatron retreats. Wheeljack says to stop them, but the Heart is destabilizing. Brawn chucks it into the atmosphere and Perceptor tracks it. At 2,000 miles, he shoots at it and nails it.

Ratchet snarks a bit. "Do you realize that we just saved Megatron's life?" And he'll... no. Later, during that review.

Brawn is... apologetic, in his own way. "Somebody saved all our lives!"

"Who, Brawn?"

"Ask my buddy here about it. And ask him polite because anyone who doesn't think he's a hero is gonna have to answer to me!"

Thoughts
This is similar to Traitor, but I have less of a problem here, though. Brawn and Perceptor have no prior history like Cliffjumper and Mirage, although Brawn did turn it up past Eleven here.

Awesome to see the Nemesis, too. Nice bit of history. And I admit, humans like Merrick and Joan... I wonder about their history a little.

EVIL brain impulses!

Oh boy oh boy! Up next are my favouritest episodes of Transformers ever! Can't wait! Hurry up and watch them!

Tekka wrote:Oh boy oh boy! Up next are my favouritest episodes of Transformers ever! Can't wait! Hurry up and watch them!

Thanks. I just wish I had more people... responding.



And now an episode that has some somewhat good moments... and some immensely stupid moments. Some of the dumbest...

Megatron's Master Plan part one

We open on a rally outside a solar power plant in 'Central City'. Rather generic name, there. Kinda disappointing since G1 has used RL locations before. The newly-elected mayor is holding an opening ceremony for the plant, donated by Shawn Berger, his campaign opponent. We cut to Berger watching the boradcast on a rather large TV for the time, said TV flanked by armed guards. "Rest assured, Mayor. My contributions have just begun." No, that's not ominous!

Back at the ceremony, Decepticons arrive. Berger says they "took the bait" and places a call. Thrust buzzes the crowd. "Let's teach them the meaning of fear!" Ramjet buzzes the plant and the solar panels shatter like glass... which actually makes sense, considering what happens next. Starscream transforms and lands. "Ignore the humans. Fill the energon cubes!" Okay, so there's onscreen evidence they ignore humans.

They hold their hands apart and... generate energon cubes themselves? An upgrade?! Soundwave must be put out. They walk up to the panels, but there's no energy to be stolen. Starscream quickly realizes what's going on and jumps back as doors retract and rather cool-looking tanks roll out.


They fire and shatter the empty cubes, the Mayor incredulous. "Berger's taken the law into his own hands-again!" He grabs a microphone from a reporter and calls for the Autobots. The tanks continue fire to little effect. Starscream fires once and all three tanks explode. And two of the drivers kinda... vanish from sight. Debris rains down as the Autobots roll in.

We cut to Berger for a moment, angry at them interfering-or as I call it, saving lives-and then back to the Autobots as they transform. Tracks doesn't though, as the COneheads transform and take off. Tracks transforms into his... flying car mode and takes off. I love that mode. He flies off and quickly gets on their tail, firing his black beam gun and nailing Dirge. Ramjet swings around and clips Tracks in the hood, sending him to the ground.

Ironhide calls for shooting STarscream, and Starscream's pinned down. he calls for Thrust, who swoops in and lays down cover fire. "Taste death, Autobots!" Smokescreen fires, nailing Thrust and scrambling his guidance system. Starscream calls for a retreat and they take off. Bumblebee dusts his hands off. "Looks like we showed them, Spike." Dude, you didn't do anything during the entire fight!

The Mayor congratulates them as the crowd cheers. And I get a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. Ironhide makes me smile even more. "Relax, folks. It's all in a day's work!" The Mayor decides to officially honor all the Autobots at city hall. Spike notes it's about time as the Mayor and Prime shake hands.


And somewhere Emo-Prime from Marvel weeps a little more.

Berger shuts off the TV and grouses. "If it wasn't for them, I'd be the hero!" No, your tanks were destroyed and two drivers probably dead. He tells the guards to get out. He walks to the window, then back to his desk. he picks up... okay, forget it. It's Laserbeak in tape form. Laserbeak transforms and grabs him. He shoots the window out before flying and kidnapping Berger. We do a jump cut and... it's sunset, when it was maybe early afternoon a moment ago. How long was Laserbeak flying?

Laserbeak deposits Berger on a hill overlooking Central City-and right in front of Megatron. "Greetings, Mister Berger. I trust your flight wasn't too unpleasant?" Berger threatens him and Megatron nearly blows out his ventilation system, trying not to laugh. He wants to help Berger and says he's been brainwashed by Autobot propaganda. And here we go... He says the Autobots are evil and the Decepticons are good. "Ah, the power of public relations!"

Berger, like anyone else with more than one brain cell, is incredulous. Megatron says he'll show them proof and asks that Berger share his findings. Berger, being slime, asks what's in it for him. "The entire city will be yours!" Megatron says he'll give him proof and has Dirge take him home. "My price is two cities!" Berger... *Sigh* Megatron then speaks for all of us.

"The pompous, gullible fool. He thinks he will be king, but he will never be more than a pawn!"

We cut to an oil refinery and Berger in a helicopter. The-screw it-the fake Autobots show up and produce energon cubes. Oil just kinda... flows from a pipe into one of them fake-Prime is holding. We get more bullshit that Berger laps up like a dog. Sorry, that's an insult to dogs. Fake-Irnohide spots the chopper and fake-Prime shoots at it. The Decepticons show up and we get a staged fight. I'm not even bothering here...

The fake-Autobots lose, naturally. Although there's some good lines. "You won't tarnish our reputation again, Prime!" And somewhere Raksha is cheering... The Decepticons land and blast the fake-Autobots and they run off. Fake-Prime yields and Megatron contacts Berger, asking if he got the footage. Fake-Wheeljack shoots and Dirge picks it up. "Let's make some home movies!" Megatron takes it to be returned to Berger.

We cut to Autobot Day! There's parade in their honor as they roll by the cheering crowds to the city hall. Sunstreaker's impressed. "I never knew humans had such exquisite taste." Prime walks up to the hall and... we cut to him and several other Autobots inside, bypassing the fact that he's too friggin' large to fit through the doors.

The Mayor begins a speech, but it's the one from the opening of the fake power plant. He begins again, but we cut to Berger threatening a technician into playing his tape. Outside, the citizens are shown the fake battle footage. Prime has too much faith in the writers the citizens. "It's an obvious fake. The people will never believe it."

There's more footage of the Decepticons spewing bullshit, like Wheeljack using a device to turn the Decepticons evil and such. Although admittedly, evil-laughing Prime is kinda funky. Bumblebee asks if the Mayor believe it and... armed guards flank the Mator. The Decepticons leave and the collective human IQ drops by a factor of fifty. Spike, Sparkplug and Chip go with them as... *Sigh*

At the Ark, the Autobots are rightfully angry. Bumblebee defends Spike as Prime wonders how to expose the hoax. An alarm sounds as external security detects a breach. Hmm, I guess there's something more to the camera from 'Enter the Nightbird'. There's a visual of one of Berger's tanks. Berger calls for their surrender. Cliffjumper and Ironhide wanna fight, but Prime says no. Prime says he'll only surrender to a legit law enforcement officer... and the Mayor places them all under arrest.

The Mayor isn't a legit law enforcement officer!!!

Prime surrenders and calls for the Autobots to transform and be escorted out. The Mayor wants to believe them, but there's due process. One lousy tape... A reporter polls the masses. One tape and they're all convinced they're guilty. Berger tapes a diatribe against them.

We cut to the Decepticon base as they fly out. We cut to a sports stadium and the Autobots on trial. The Decepticons land as 'evidence' is presented. It's Berger on the stand. Spike in the stands has a feeling, leaps to the ground-instead of taking a normal exit-and runs out. Soundwave sends Ravage after him. No, nothing out of the ordinary there! Ravage gets stuck in a revolving door.

Spike plays the tape and notes the Autobots never transformed, then sees the rest of the tape and Starscream removing his Prime mask. Unfortunately, Ravage arrives. Back at the trial, Chip tries to stall for time, but no go. The judge declares the Autobots guilty and they're banished from Earth and...

I am tempted to stop, but I have no choice to go on. Prime relents. We cut to a... starship. Where did it come from? Wait, Berger?! How the **** did Berger get a starship? The Autobots board and it takes off.

Chip asks where they'll go. Sparkplug wonders where his son is... several hours after he disappeared. Berger gloats as the rocket takes off. Chip cries a bit.

At the Ark, Berger and Megatron are there. Megatron accesses teletraan-One and resets the flight path from Cybertron to the sun.

Thoughts
There are a few good things about this episode. Humanity at the beginning giving the Autobts their due, for one thing. 'Autobot Day'. It's one of the reasons I like G1 so much.

The rest...

1. How the hell does one tape convince people the Autobots are evil?!

2. How does a mayor place them under arrest?

3. How does one town sentence the Autobots to exile from Earth? Where the fu cking hell was the national government? Or any other government? Don't tell me Great Britain or the USSR or China or France wouldn't have given them sanctuary.

4. Where the hell does Berger get a starship?!

5. The Ultimate Doom. After that...

I know perceptions can be swayed by the media, but this is way too far and way too much. Where's Jeff, the park ranger? Chip's colleagues? Paul Gates from Quantum Laboratories? Professor Fujiyama the Famous Scientist? The people Ironhide and Bumblebee saved around Sherman Damn in episode two?!

So, yeah. Major, huge flaws in this episode. We'll see the results in part two!

Awww, don't worry, that you're not getting replies. Just look at the view count, you've got at least a good thousand reads out of your posts.

Ahahahaha! XD

It's all true, the episode is utterly absurd, but MMP still has my favourite basic story of any episodes in the whole series. The manipulation of Berger, the framing of the Autobots and their eventual exile, and of course what we know happens in the next episode.

If this story had been given to a competent writer and given a sufficient time expansion, I would like to say it would have been one of the best Transformers stories of all time, simply because of how much happens and how it involves our planet, the various forces that get involved, and what becomes of Central City when the Autobots are out of the picture.

I hear that the new movie borrows from this heavily, though I have yet to see it. It will be interesting to see just how the two match up.

Tekka wrote:Awww, don't worry, that you're not getting replies. Just look at the view count, you've got at least a good thousand reads out of your posts.

It's a... little disheartening, but I do appreciate anyone who posts.

It's all true, the episode is utterly absurd, but MMP still has my favourite basic story of any episodes in the whole series. The manipulation of Berger, the framing of the Autobots and their eventual exile, and of course what we know happens in the next episode.

If this story had been given to a competent writer and given a sufficient time expansion, I would like to say it would have been one of the best Transformers stories of all time, simply because of how much happens and how it involves our planet, the various forces that get involved, and what becomes of Central City when the Autobots are out of the picture.

I hear that the new movie borrows from this heavily, though I have yet to see it. It will be interesting to see just how the two match up.

I agree. there's a core of a great story here. I could see this easily a five-parter like Five Faces of Darkness. But that's it. There's a good idea but bad execution.



Megatron's Master Plan Part Two

We see a parade down Central City celebrating Decepticon Day.



God, this is so wrong on so many levels...

Shawn Berger declares it Decepticon Day as children born without brain stems cheer for them. Sparkplug and Chip are rather disgusted.

Starscream's rather perplexed. "Why waste time? Let's take the city now!" "I have my reasons, which are far beyond your meager understanding!" Beyond mine, too. Chip monologues that Spike's searching for evidence of the Autobot's innocence.

"And there I was, about to be tossed against a wall for sport when the Autobots showed up and saved me from death! I only wish my partner... Jeff... I'm sorry." *Sobs*

We cut to Spike reviewing the tape of the Decepticons faking the energy raid when Ravage shows up... again. Wait, didn't we do this? Spike ducks down and lets Ravage hit himself against a monitor, electrocuting the robo-kitty. He grabs a chair to... somehow fend Ravage off as he shakes the watts off and advances again. Spike demonstrates why he's the alpha-male of TF human sidekicks by knocking a rather heavy-looking shelving unit of tapes into Ravage, pinning him down and making good his escape.

We cut to... an admittedly semi-cool scene at a teen dance of Soundwave acting as the world's most awesome boombox.


Okay. That is cool. And Laserbeak and Rumble's in on it, too.


Sorry, Starscream. You never had groupies IU.

And some moronhuman asks Laserbeak, "Laserbeak want a cracker?"


I'll let you fill in the blank on what he's thinking at this moment...

In the spaceship Berger somehow had lying around to take the Autobots offplanet, we hear Ironhide's voice. "Hey, we going anywhere, Cosmos? Or is this a tour of the stars?"

Hound defends the new toy character. "Lay off him, Ironhide. He didn't cause our problems." Ironhide shows why he's hard. ""You're right. maybe we oughtta take it out on the one who got us into this mess!" Prime defends himself, sorta. "I did what was necessary." No, no you didn't. You did bubkus, Prime. Huffer complains-and I can't fault him for it. That's how much hate I have right now for this.

Cliffjumper jumps out of his seat and runs forward to the controls. Prime finally realizes he screwed up and tells Cliffjumper to turn the ship around. But the guidance system's been jammed! Prime has Hound check their destination. Hound's missile launcher glows and... he finds out they're targeted for the Sun!

Wait, why not ask Cosmos who's outside and pointed in that direction?

Prime has Cosmos link up with Teletraan-One, but he can't interface. The ship begins glowing and the ship and Autobots are overheating. Cosmos transforms and flies into the ship. He tries his hand at the controls, but nothing. At the underwater base of the Decepticons, Berger reminds Megatron he was promised three cities. Megatron sees through the lies, though. "So, still trying to up the ante? How pathetic." His magic monitor shows the ship heading into the sun, and the Autobots sparking and shorting out. And then... destruction.

Megatron gloats, and then turns to Berger."I believe we have a press conference to attend." Oh, oh! Making sure they were out of the way! Okay, clever. The docking tower rises up and they fly out.

Back at the Mayor's office, Spike shows the videotape to the Mayor. "How could we have been so stupid?" Must... resist... Spike says they gotta bring the Autobots back, but might not be possible. We cut to a farmhouse and some kid needing a metal-colored crayon for his Megatron.


Hey, I think I had that coloring book! His parents point out the real Megatron's on TV. Yay! Wait, what? Megatron announces himself and asks for questions. One reporter speaks up. "Now that the Autobots are gone, what are your plans here on Earth?"

"I'm glad you asked-Earth germ! My plan is to conquer this mudball of a planet, and suck it dry of energy!" The reporter states the blindingly obvious. "We've been had!"

NO ****, SHERLOCK!

Megatron gloats and the crowd turns on Berger, who has the decency to look somewhat contrite. His security guards comment they've been working for a traitor. The guards storm the Decepticons, but their weapons are taken out by a single flick of Starscream's fingers. Megatron sums it up. "This city is under martial law-and I am the marshal!"

Outside, Dirge, Thrust and Ramjet decide to do some basic terrorizing. "Let us teach them a lesson in sorrow!" Ramjet plows through a building, collapsing it... and folks, aside from some cracks that might indicate it was abandoned... screw it. I think he just killed a lot of humans. He transforms, lands on the top of a skyscraper and fires indiscriminately at the streets. Thrust sideswipes another skyscraper, killing probably hundreds of people inside and dozens of people on the streets below as we get a Gory Discretion Cut to him again shooting down below. Dirge lands and just shoots.

Megatron declares this city Megatronia-One while Berger loses it, telling them of the destruction of the Autobot's ship. "They died in a cosmic funeral pyre!" Spike, Sparkplug and Chip are downcast, and Spike cries. But he decides to clear their names. He runs off, but Laserbeak and ravage are sent after him. Spike trips and loses the videotape. It's destroyed by Laserbeak.

Spike gets up as Berger... rushes, grabs a boom mike and knocks Lserbeak to the side! Spike turns on a lamp and blinds Ravage with it. Shawn asks if he's all right, but it's for naught as Megatron and the others surround them. Spike begs them not to be hurt. "And why should I want to hurt them? Healthy slaves can do much more work! And you, Berger. DO you still want your reward?"

Berger has... gone mental. "YES!"

Megatron responds in kind. "Then you shall have it-everything that you have earned."

We cut to humans working and the Decepticons running things. It's rather bleak, actually. Energon cubes are filled and even Soundwave shows off sadism. "Increase efficiency, or be terminated!" Chip and Spike are there, too. The Mayor is pulling and pushing levers for no discernible reason, too. "Megatron was true to his word. He rewarded Berger with everything he deserved." And we cut to the pathetic sop, doing the same job.

Spike is somewhat sympathetic to him, as he remembers Berger helping him. That's interrupted by Soundwave firing at them. We cut to deep space... and trailbreaker having a crowning moment of awesome.


That's him at the center, maintaining the force field. Cosmos is towing the group, but he's still locked into Teletraan-One. He can't turn from the sun! Back at the slave camp, Chip wants to make a break for it to Teletraan-One. Not sure what it can do, but hey. It's Chip. Spike runs off and pushes a large trolley of energon cubes into Rumble, giving Chip cover to roll for it. Rumble hits computer banks and is fried as the power's shut down.

Chip hits an alarm but keeps rolling. "Megatron! The immobilized human escapes!" Megatron waves him off and tells Thrust to bring him back. Chip spies a truck being loaded and rolsl up the ramp into the trailer. While rolling by he looks out a rent in the side and spots a familiar landmark. He opens the trailer up-which is actually impossible-and rolls off, waving to the driver.

So... what's the driver doing, anyway?

At the Ark, Chip accesses the guidance data and finds out that Megatron was the one to alter the flight plan and where it was sent to. He confirms the rocket's destruction. But Thrust breaks through the roof-how, I don't know. That's Ramjet's function. And even so.... all that rock and metal?

He transforms. "We miss you back at the power plant, human! Why are you here?" Thrust shoots Teletraan over Chip's anguished protests. Chip gets angry. "You... pile of reject parts!" Thrust kneels down and picks him up. "Reject part?" He then transforms and takes off. Back at the slave camp, Chip berates himself but Spike reassures him. Still, Chip's down. "Now there's no hope at all..."

And we cut right to the Autobots and Cosmos. "Hey, I got control back!" He flies back to Earth, with the Autobots in tow. Back at the camp, the humans are working. Megatron is pleased, but Soundwave detects strong energy transmissions. "Of course! From these generators, Soundwave." "Negative, Megatron. From primitive jet engines." I love how he made sure to include 'primitive' in his report. Megatron begins to order Starscream, but, "I anticipated your order, Megatron." Somewhat non-screechy voice there, too. Subtle but effective.

Air Force jets fly in. a good twenty-three by my count. The seekers, coneheads and even Blitzwing transform and take off. It's a slaughter. Oh, and for the record? There were quite a number of jets shot down with NO parachutes coming from them. Seven survive to retreat. Megatron gloats to Sparkplug, Spike and Chip. Berger rushes him but is knocked aside. "Grovel for my amusement!" Ah, so this is what a power trip looks like!

But there's a rumbling from outside... the Autobots have arrived! Megatron has a short breakdown, then rallies his troops. A firefight breaks out. Between all of them.

Spike, Sparkplug and Chip go to a hole in the wall to look out. "Who's winning, Spike?" "Guess!" We cut to the Decepticons laid low, outnumbered and outgunned. Starscream reads my mind with his next line. "It's no use. We're outnumbered!" Megatron calls for a retreat and they leave.

Ironhide frees Chip and Spike from the energon chains while outside, humanity eats humble pie in front of Prime. Berger... is a broken man. He says he'll make amends and disband his private army. Sparkplug rips into him. "Aww, that's real big of you, Berger. They all quit when they foind out what a dog lunch you are!" Dog... lunch?!

"Ah, we-well... I said I'm sorry!"

Prime says his piece. "You are going to face justice, and may it be kinder to you than it was to us." He turns and tells the Autobots to roll for home. I should note he made no gesture of forgiveness to the humans.

Thoughts
There were some good moments here. Some. Moments. Note those. Hell, the first half of part one I loved. It's after that...

So, execution for Berger? That's what I think.

And now for an episode that is somewhat... inevitable, almost.

Desertion of the Dinobots part one
The Dinobots, rebelling? Nawh!

We open with a two-cockpit fighter flying through the air. I... never got this variation of the design. Back-to-back, yes. But like this?



It does some rather impressive maneuvers as Autobots and its builder, a Professor Green, look on. "The Autobots have saved this planet from the Decepticons plenty of times. Now we might be able to return the favor."

Ladies and gentlemen, someone with more brains than the collective population of Central City!

We cut to Ironhide and... Soundwave inside him in tape deck mode.


Spike Witwicky has just been absolved of his actions in episode two. He ejects Ravage, but Blaster-right next to him-partially transforms and grabs his tail. He fully transforms and pulls Ravage inside Ironhide, knocking Soundwave out who transforms.

Okay, I'll make the joke. "Rage inside the Machine!" Happy, now?

Soundwave flies off as we pan over to Starscream and Megatron. He lands and reports the completion of the plane. Starscream boasts he'll blast it, but Megatron stops him and hands him a bomb to use. "Since when has discretion mattered to us? Perhaps you're getting weak, Megatron." but he transforms and flies off.

Blaster and Ravage are shaken out as Ironhide transforms and finally cottons to what's going on. We cut to the Ultra Plane-as it's called-as Starscream flies over about two meters from it and drops the bomb onto it. And no one on ground noticed that? Ironhide ran up to them as the plane exploded, reporting the 'Con activity. Prime decides to inspect the wreckage. They roll for it!

Megatron stands on a hill overlooking them and shouts, "Now, while they're distracted!"... and we cut to a rather impressive building at EJK. Inside, the Decepticons storm it for the plane's blueprints. "Surrender the fighter blueprints and we will not hurt you." Starscream takes the direct approach. "No reason to be soft with the flesh creatures!" He runs over and grabs a scientist. "Give us the plans or be vaporized!" Methinks Starscream's squeezing a bit too hard, too, as he's grimacing in pain.

He gives up the plans and points to a vault. Soundwave extends a probe and scans. "Six feet of tungsten steel." Megatron readies his cannon, but the Autobots show up! Jazz transforms and activates his light show, Blaster approving. Mirage cloaks and, while the Decepticons are distracted, grabs Megatron's fusion cannon! Megatron grabs it back and there's a brief tussle.

Outside... Megatron is signaling for a retreat. Soundwave and Starscream follow as we learn it's a very clever holographic ruse by Hound. Okay, that was good. In the background, Mirage and Megatron continue to fight, Mirage putting up a bit of a fight before Prime leaps into the fray and literally punting Megatron through a wall. He flees while Jazz snarks. "Now that is a sight I never get tired of."

We cut to the Fun A Rama Amusement park where Bumblebee is with Carly and Spike. They're in a teacup ride and Bumblebee is a bit... perplexed. "This is supposed to be fun?" Carly opens his chest panel up and switches off his equilibrium circuits.


Something about her...

Later on, they're driving to an airport to pick up Sparkplug. This is... I like this, for some reason. Good to see the humans not entirely engaged in Great War activity. Having a life outside the Ark, so to speak. Inside we see Sparkplug in a suit.


Always did wonder what the trip was for. Korean War Reunion?

Outside, two rather familiar-looking jets are taxiing on the runway. Spike spots them and he and Bumblebee go to check it out. We see inside a hangar it's Thundercracker and Thrust. Bumblebee, having a moment of intelligence, contacts Prime for backup. They're too far away, so Prime contacts the Ark.

Unfortunately, the Ark's understaffed too. So Prime tells him to send the Dinobots. Wheeljack opens up the closet they're in... which in my fanon has been seriously pimped out and they play DnD games inside. I don't know why, either. The Dinobots are their usual selves.

"Me Grimlock no like orders!"

"Me Slag no like anything!"

"We really need your help! Why won't you give us a hand?"

"Don't know why not, so we help. This time." It's like James Dean, except with giant dinosaur robots... Wheeljack laments. "I've got to work on their personality circuits!"

At the airport-which is never given a name-the Dinobots, bless their Sparks, try to hide behind a jumbo jet. Bumblebee points out where they are and Sludge says, "We fix!" Grimlock runs forward and signals them to transform and attack. Inside, Megatron and Starscream are bickering when Snarl pushes through the hangar doors like wet tissue paper. "So much for your secret hideout, Megatron! Even the moronic Dinobots found it!" Starscream fires, for all the good it does. Slag vaporizes his arm cannon with a single blast of his fire-breath.

Outside, Blitzwing find Bumblebee. He transforms into tank mode and prepares to blow Bumblebee's head off, but Sludge knocks him offtarget and kicks him into the side of the hangar. Inside, the Decepticons are rather quickly routed with but a few swipes of Snarl's tail. Thundercracker and Thrust run out and strafe Grimlock, but Swoop flies over and nails both with bombs. They crash into the hangar, which explodes.

This... must be one of the more humiliating days for Megatron at this point.

He emerges from the rubble and i think something inside his neural net has snapped as he shouts, "Decepticons... CHARGE!" It's... god it's pathetic as the Dinobots whallop them. And mostly just stand still while doing it.


Again, I shall leave it up to everyone else to fill in the caption. Suffice it to say, he tosses Megatron into the airport terminal.

The humans cheer as the Dinobots transform back to robot mode. "Me, Grimlock, greatest warrior!" Megatron shouts out to Skywarp-who was absent during the battle-to fire, as they're vulnerable in robot mode. They fire and nail an oil tanker, which explodes and sets off a chain reaction that destroys several jumbo jets and knocks the Dinobots out.

Oh, and Spike, Carly, Bumblebee and Sparkplug are all right.

The Dinobots land in a battered heap as Megatron gloats, leading the Decepticons away. Red Alert, Inferno and Grapple pull up a few seconds later, Red Alert sadly paranoid. Inferno douses the flames while Grapple begins getting the Dinobots together and placing them on a plane. He tows it back to the Ark.

We cut to the Ark at night, and according to Jazz, six hours later with no results. Inside, Ratchet, Wheeljack and Hoist are working, Ratchet getting a feedback shock. "We'd have a better chance if we didn't have to work with these primitive tools!" Hoist pounds out some dents. "The tools on Cybertron were vastly superior."

Mirage calls up a picture of their home. "Everything was better on Cybertron. I still feel a power surge when I think about home."

It's kinda melancholy, and reminds us humans that, for all their trying to fit in-sometimes forcefully-they're still refugees far from home. Very sad, actually.

Back at the airport and the next day, Ironhide, Powerglide and Grapple begin work on repairing the damage from yesterday's battle. Grapple loads up Powerglide with bricks, who basically strafes them into position while Ironhide lays down cement. Clever! Graplle puts the roof on while Prime directs. Grapple scoffs. lowers the roof and... the building collapses. He transforms and is aghast. Foreshadowing?

We cut to the Decepticons flying. Ravage suddenly ejects and lands on the ground. Soundwave has no explanation, either. They all suddenly just fall out of the sky. Even Blitzwing. Rumble suddenly just starts bashing Megatron for no reason.

At the Ark, the Dinobots are put through tests. Swoop transforms correctly and they're all set. Prime contacts them and tells the Dinobots to move out as the Decepticons are on the rampage somewhere. Grimlock finally says no. "No! Dinobots no go. Me, Grimlock, no take orders. Never!"

Slag agrees. "Yes, yes no! Me Slag agree!" "Me Swoop no listen to Optimus Prime. Grimlock our leader!" They transform and just storm out. We cut to a power plant as Megatron has decided that 'bad energon' disrupted their systems. The Autobots roll up and transform for action! Well, except Jazz, who's stuck. Ironhide kicks him and he transforms. "Ow! Thanks, I think."

Megatron points at them, but his vocal circuits crap out. Starscream... three guesses as to what he does. He transforms, takes off-and crashes into a stack of energon cubes. Ironhide tries for liquid nitrogen, but his hand doesntr retract and he freezes over. Mirage thinks he can still become invisible, which leads to a rather hilarious scene of him running at Thundercracker and getting blasted. "Now how did he know I was there?"

Soundwave ejects Ravage, who ejects and tackles Prime into a group of oil barrels. But Ravage suddenly transforms back to tape mode. Prime picks him up and drops him into a barrel. "Thanks for transforming!" Jazz tries his light show but it shorts. Blitzwing shoots at him and collapses the ground around him, but can't stop and the ground collapses around him, but Blitzwing can't stop and rolls into the hole along with Jazz.

The fighting grounds to a halt as Megatron fires, collapsing an electrical tower around Prime. He transforms into gun mode and Starscream takes him, walking up to Prime. "I never miss at this range!" But it's all for naught as Megatron suddenly seizes up and Starscream tumbles to the ground. Megatron transforms and calls for a retreat. The Decepticons... try to fly, but are reduced to running away.

At the Ark, the Autobots are in a sorry state. Sparkplug tries his best, but he can do little. Prime rolls in and asks Perceptor what the cause is. An element known as cybertonium has depleted in their bodies. Prime says they'll simply replace it, but it's only on Cybertron. And only way to get there is the space bridge.

Spike and Carly run in with some rather convenient news. Shockwave's sending some cybertonium over the space bridge. Powerglide-holding his severed head-laments he can't get there. After some thinking, Carly realizes the Dinobots were built on Earth and don't have cybertonium in their bodies. So they're still at full strength. Teletraan-One locates them at 40 miles away. Carly tosses Sparkplug her car keys. "I've been riding with the Autobots for so long now I hope I still know how to drive."

We cut to them tooling down the desert and almost running into Grimlock's foot. Sparkplug lays it on thick. "Grimlock, we need your brilliant help!" Swoop flies down and saves them from being stepped on. Sparkplug continues, but Grimlock doesn't care. Spike tells them about the cybertronium, which Grimlock parses to be from Cybertron and he just decides to do it.

Considering the Dinobots... that made perfect sense to me.

Slag doesn't want to, but Grimlock says to do it.

We cut to a space bridge and... the COnstructicons loading the cybertronium that's arrived. Oh, there's that sinking feeling... The Dinobots charge, batting the Constructicons away. They transform into Devastator, but Scavenger is knocked aside before he can form the right arm and the Dinobots rush the space bridge. It closes and teleports them to Cybertron.

On Cybertron, the space bridge opens up and the Dinobots kicks Shockwave's skidplate.

At the Ark, Sparkplug contacts the Dinobots on Cybertron. he tells them to come back, but Grimlock says no and cuts the link. Carly decides the humans have to go there and get more cybertonium. Spike points out Prime won't let them. Carly points out he can't stop them, either. They run over to him as he's leaning against a console. "It's too... risky." And he falls over, nearly flattening them.

We cut to Spike and Carly in Carly's car. Sparkplug gives him a two-way communication device that fits over his thumb. "I feel kinda stupid talking into my thumb." Sparkplug hugs his son and I get warm inside.

Devastator is now fully assembled and standing guard at the space bridge. Carly guns it and deflects off Devastator's left foot-right into the space bridge. It closes and sends them to Cybertron. There, Shockwave is ready. As the door opens he fires...

Thoughts
A very good episode, here. Action-packed, melancholy too in places. And who didn't see the Dinobots leaving a mile away?

Also solves one problem-where did the season-two Autobots come from? They were in the Ark, as crew! As for the Constructicons... yeah.

And now, thew thrilling conclusion!

Desertion of the Dinobots part two!
The space bridge door opens on Cybertron. In the last episode, Shockwave fires and there's an explosion. This time it opens and he fires-but the car is vaporized. Carly's reaction is priceless. "That was my car, not an Autobot! Decepticreep!" Spike, having had encounters with Shockwave and about a year and a half experience with Decepticons in general, grabs her and the two run off.

Shockwave stands there for a moment-which kinda makes sense. He probably doesn't consider humans much of a threat and he might not be fast enough to track them like this. Shockwave vaporizes some computer equipment. Rather stupid of him to do, to be blunt. They hide behind a drone. "He won't blast one of his own robots." And cue... Shockwave blasting one of his own robots.

They duck into a vent and Shockwave is angry. "Miserable glitches!" Carly realizes he didn't fire and they realize they're in a sensitive part of the room. We pan back and see they're at the edge of a circular ramp leading down to a pool of energy. Carly touches a wall and gets a shock. She realizes they're inside the master computer. Spike tries to contact Teletraan-One. It works!

At the Ark, he comes through. The Autobots are... in a sorry state. Sparkplug picks up and the monitor shows a simulated picture of the environs.


Hurray! An improbable camera viewpoint that makes sense!

They're in the computer running, "most of what is still functioning up there." Powerful words, there. And down below is the power source. Carly peels open a panel to try to hack the space bridge. Gutsy! I doubt even Chip could manage that. Unfortunately there's a power flow into that panel. It hits her and she tumbles to the edge of the pit, sliding halfway down. Uh, oh! Sparks start flying and everything goes black.

There's a sudden light and Carly has a near-coronary. Turns out Spike's got a 'photon light'. Exact dialogue, folks. Why he didn't call it a 'flashlight', we'll never know. "Brighter than any flashlight on Earth." Damn... Carly tries to stand, but she twisted her ankle. Spike slides down, but as Carly points out, he can't get back up! Sparkplug contacts them and tells them of a way out at the bottom. And sure enough, there's a ladder there too! Kind of oversized for the humans, too.

They climb down and exit into a room filled with energon cubes. "Where did these energon cubes come from? I thought the planet was all out of energy!" And my theory of Megatron playing the long game has been confirmed! Sparkplug tells them to leave it.

Back to Shockwave, he contacts Megatron, who demands more cybertonium. He's also lying on the ground. Shockwave tells him the computer has to be repaired and the humans escaped. megatron threatens to have him reprogrammed to do maintenance! Oh, no! A geeky assignment! He dispatched a sentinel to take care of them.

Back with Spike and Carly, the sentinel drone rolls along.


Hmm, early ROTF design there? Spike helps Carly along to a door, where there's a control panel at their height. The hell? Spike holds the door open. A door that should've crushed him into paste and he holds it open. He closes it and it smashes the sentinel's cranium. Nice!

Sparkplug tells them he'll direct them to Wheeljack's old lab, where there's cybertonium. I love Wheeljack's old lab. Also, Carly's limp has disappeared. It's suddenly back and Spike just scoops her up into his arms. He's probably been waiting to do that for a long time, too. Carly's in awe of the planet. And we see some cool pans across their alien architecture. "How could they have ever left this?" She suddenly spots a shadow.

They get to the door and Carly opens it up. Maybe got the code from Chip? There's some thumping. Spike goes and gets a blaster about twice his size as the roof collapses and is peeled away! Spike gets a shot off, but it's Swoop! He tells them what happened. "When us Dinobots come, us capture Decepticon. Guards come. Big fight!" There's a flashback to the Dinobots fighting Decepticon sentinel drones, but being surrounded. "Soon other DInobots captured, but me get away." We see Iacon during the flashback for some reason, too.

Spike contacts Sparkplug to for directions to the cybertonium pits. Spike realizes Carly's not limping. Quick resolution to a pointless plot point! We cut to the three walking along. Carly is, naturally, in awe. "The more I see of this planet, the more I like it!" Then they come upon a set of Transformer-sized stairs and Spike's leg muscles seize up. "The more I see of it, the more tired I get!" Makes some sense. He's been around Autobot technology for a bit and has been here before. And last time was to save his father from being a slave.

Swoop shows he's the nicest Dinobot by picking them up and carrying them to a mass-transit system. It's a set of cars inside a glass tube similar to the ones we saw in the pilot. I love this show! The coordinates are 354 zeta alpha mark seven. Swoop inputs them, and I am now worried. "Everything is so huge!" Carly... I'm sorry, but really? The car stops and rotates the nose up... and then goes down. Carly and Spike get bad motion sickness while Swoop tries to be sympathetic. "Me glad me not have stomach to leave!"

The car stops, rotates again and continues on. It finally stops. Turns out the tube is blocked. They exit and Spike tries Sparkplug. No go, though. "I guess we're too deep in the planet to communicate." Swoop walks and they follow. Eventually they wander into a room filled with old robots.


Just... so cool to see these. Carly does some hypothesizing. "These must be the primitive ancestors of the Autobots! They've sure evolved over the eons." One shot of Swoop looking at them. SO... poignant to me, for some reason. They do more walking, but a blade comes out of nowhere and nicks Swoop's wing! It's an old defense system, apparently. Carly says not to activate anymore, and Spike points out they don't know how they activated that one! And as they talk, they walk past a sensor. Walls come down and begin squeezing them in. Fortunately, Swoop simply holds out his arms and punctures the walls. "Metal of good old days not so good!"

We need a Classics-style Swoop. NOW.

Missiles come out of nowhere. They duck and let them pass overhead, but they turn and double back. Spike thinks they're new, but... Swoop realizes they're the same missiles. He transforms and grabs them, taking off. Somehow the two humans manage to hang on as he does some major acrobatics. Unfortunately, the damage he got earlier in his wing is exacerbated and we see the tear widening. He's crying out in pain and drops Spike and Carly before crashing. Somehow they're not reduced to paste...

Swoop suddenly remembers he can transform. He does and fires missiles from his shoulder at the other missiles, taking them out. We cut to them coming upon an underground city. "I wonder what this place used to be." Oh... ouch. Carly finds a viewing room. And we get a short history lesson of the Great War.

An arm comes out and grabs a rather large disc. "Millions of years ago, Cybertron was a planet of peace." We see shots of vehicles, buildings, mass-transit systems. I assume those are driven vehicles, too. "Until the Decepticons, lusting for power, began a terrible war." And we see ancient Decepticons landing and starting to shoot. And orange robot gets blown in two! "Not designed for combat, the Autobots were overwhelmed and subjugated by their evil opponents." We see a shot of Ark-like starships taking off. "While many Autobots fled Cybertron, a few valiant survivors devised new tactics and launched a counteroffensive on their arch-foes. And thus began a terrible series of wars. Many times, both sides have claimed victory. But this has been short-lived. For the Autobots have overthrown Decepticon tyrants, and likewise, Decepticon treachery has toppled many a peaceful Autobot ruler."

"And to this day, the war rages on."

From what I can remember, none of that is contradicted in later episodes. And it's so... sad, too. That this civilization can come to it.

A wall suddenly explodes and Decepticon sentinels roll in, capturing the trio! For some reason, I'm rather glad the information discs were unharmed. Shockwave has them taken to the cybertonium pits. They're taken to a literal dirt pit. What that says about Cybertronian geology is best left unsaid-for now. There are guards and an electric fence surrounding the pit, with the Dinobots inside working.

Spike tries Sparkplug, but no go. He then tries Grimlock, but to quote Ironhide from Changing Gears, "You-you made him nice!" Grimlock's voice is low and without the harsh edge. "Me Grimlock cannot transform." They don't want to leave. Carly opens up Snarl's chest and somehow figures out their memory circuits have been bypassed. This... has precedent, actually. Bumblebee's memory circuits are in his chest, too. Spike asks if she can fix them. She pats him on the cheek and his blood pressure skyrockets. "Can an Autobot roll?"

She tinkers around as Spike and Swoop play-work. Swoop is grateful. "Me want to thank Carly for fixing Dinobots." "Me Sludge thank you, too." Snarl chimes in as well. "Me thank you, too." And Sludge finishes it. "Too, too." "Me Grimlock guess helping others okay." And... we have a breakthrough!" Spike has an idea for a plan and we have a huddle.



Grimlock and Spike suddenly start arguing. The Decepticons see it and contact Shockwave. Shockwave says to remove the humans and the fence is brought down. The Decepticons transform and rampage, destroying the sentinels and making a break for it. Grimlock remembers how to get out and they come to another transit tube. "But there's no car!" "Grimlock need no car!" And he scoops them up and enters.

At the Ark, Teletraan-One has somehow linked with the space bridge and directed it to near the Ark. They float up to Decepticon headquarters and Shockwave. There's a shipment of cybertonium there, too! There's a somewhat funny moment as Shockwave simply doesn't realize the Dinobots have arrived before turning and shouting, "Intruders!"

Swoop knocks him over and they rush the space bridge chamber. It's... that short. Down at Earth, there's a space bridge terminal next to the Ark. Spike and Carly are sitting pretty on a stack of cybertonium. They leap off and there's a group hug with Sparkplug. The Dinobots roar in triumph.

Later, Optimus is presenting medals to Spike and Carly, declaring them honorary Autobots. Carly is... less than enthused.


Considering what happened, can you blame her?

She kisses Spike and he babbles. Literally. It's cute!

Prime turns to the Dinobots. "As for you Dinobots... hehehe, excellent job."


If they got more of that I think they'd be less rebellious...

Slag: "Even though Dinobots not like it..."

Snarl: "We tkae orders from you, now."

Grimlock. "Until next time me Grimlock no feel like it."

Thoughts
This episode was awesome![/nineties_kid] Seriously, some great action. The scenes on Cybertron were amazing, too. So cool to see it like this!

Also... seems like Megatron's been doing some energon-stealing and shipping offscreen, there. I always figured while he was disctracting the Autobots with his 'schemes of the week', the Decepticons we don't see were raiding other power plants and shipping the cubes to Cybertron.

And that history... just makes me so sad, sometimes.

And now for a blatant attempt to generate discussion. I'm no expert in Cybertronian technology, or even a good guesser. So what's everyone's guesses on what cybertonium does for them?

And now for an episode starring... Jazz-lite, basically.

Blaster Blues
... What? Unlike Jazz, this guy could be damned annoying.

We open on a rock concert. Cold Slither is playing, I think. In the crowd is Carly-yay!-, Spike and Blaster, who in tape deck mode takes up an entire seat. Think he paid for a ticket? They love it and Spike laments the other Autobots can't hear it. "They don't gotta be." Blaster begins broadcasting the concert through Autobot signals. Cosmos hears it and loves it. Or probably just loves being noticed. "All right!" He also begins spazzing out in space.

At the Ark, we get our first glimpse of Omega Supreme. Prime is at Teletraan-One with Sparkplug, observing him on the monitor as he gets ready for target practice. Omega says he's ready, but then Blaster's music comes over the comm channel. Prime sums it up best. "My audio receptors! What is that noise?" Hoist fills him in. "Humans call is music." And Sparkplug shows his age. "Not this human!" Jazz gets down and funky. "Sounds all right to me!"

We cut to Haley Observatory.


Pretty well-equipped, there. And some guy speaking. "The Earth is but a speck on the arm of the universe." Okay, for an 80's cartoon, that is deep. Inside is an astronomer. "There must be intelligent life out there, waiting as we are to be contacted."

Dude... just drive to Oregon, or the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Plenty of intelligent non-terrestrial life to contact!

He has a device called a voltronic galaxer, which will turn his voice into 'pulsations' and transmit them into space. he speaks... and the Decepticons roar into view. Megatron speaks. "We appreciate your hospitality, Professor." And for some reason he doesn't recognize the voice. Starscream fires and blows open the roof. Megatron chews him out for his recklessness. The Professor calls for Autobot assistance as Starscream fires again. This time the plea is more succinct. "HELP!"

At the Ark, all of the Autobots except Jazz are in pain. "Blaster, decrease volume! Blaster... SHUT UP!." Optimus Prime, ladies and gentlemen... The distress call comes in, but they don't know where it came from. "All I can hear is that blasted Blaster!" They get the location and they transform and roll out. Blaster... is not apologetic at all for blocking comm lines.

At the observatory, the Professor is trying to stop the Decepticons, with predictable results. "Get off before you lose more than your machine!" Megatron picks the galaxer up and the Professor goes tumbling. The Decepticons leave and we have Astrotrain's first appearance on a train track as Megatron places the galaxer inside him. He rolls along, enters a tunnel and emerges as a space shuttle, flying into space.

We cut to the Autobots finally arriving at the still-smoking observatory. The Professor tells them they're too late. Prime wonders what they'd want with it. He promises they'll get it back for him. They drive off, and we cut to the Ark. There, Prime contacts several teams out in the field.

First is Huffer and Tracks, standing on top of buildings somewhere. Nothing from them. Prime then contacts Powerglide and Spike. They're circling over some city. Carly's there, too. And according to her, they've been halfway around the hemisphere. Cosmos is flying around space with Blaster aboard. "I can't even get a bottom 40 station out here!! Cosmos sums up my feelings. "Quit complaining." Blaster transforms and mans a periscope-like sensor, homing in on the Moon. He unfortunately misses the ruins of the moon Kingdom but spots a Decepticon base set up there.

Inside, Megatron is working. Cosmos switches off his engines... which makes no sense. What, the noise? And if he wanted to save fuel, he should've done that earlier. He lands as Megatron exposits that the galaxer will jam the airwaves. He suddenly spots Cosmos outside and radios Astrotrain. Cosmos takes off, but it's no good. COsmos scores several clean hits on Astrotrain, but they literally glance off his armor. Astrotrain maneuvers and snares the little green saucer in a tractor beam. "Cant you do anything?" "Not anymore!"

Inside the base, Megatron beats up on Blaster before shoving him to the wall and having Astrotrain literally weld him there. "He will make an excellent trans-scrambler!" We also see COsmos mounted to the wall ."And this otherwise useless piece of scrap will serve as a power booster." Taking lessons from Scrapper, it seems.

The machinery inside powers up and we get a rather crazy light show as electricity arcs around and envelopes Earth itself!

At an airport, planes are landing and receiving instructions, but static fills the airwaves! Two jumbo jets almost collide and there's a near-collision on the ground. We see Powerglide telling Spike to radio for landing clearance. As I've said, it's the little details that count. SPike can't get through. Carly sees the chaos down below. Powerglide assists a plane in landing.

We cut to a forest and train track with a tree toppled onto it. Workers are trying to get the tree off the tracks, but it's tough. A train appears. "Must be the 10:40 out of Croughton(sp) Falls!" They try to call them, but the signal's blocked. A steam engine-which explains Astrotrain-hits the log and explodes rather spectacularly.

Inferno and Red Alert are rolling along, Red Alert being paranoid as usual. *Sigh* I guess his circuits never got properly reset. They see the fire and roll off to combat it. Red Alert, in a moment of extreme stupidity, fires his laser pistol at the fire. "I'll knock out the fire!" Instead, he cuts a tree down, which also catches on fire. Inferno douses it while Red continues firing.

On the radio the workers were holding, Megatron's voice comes through. Red Alert's warning sensors also flash and seekers attack.

We cut to a man at a computer terminal in some snowy location. We see the computer's screen is blank. "Ah, gimme a forecast, not a blank look!" Okay, clever. I think it's a radio station or some sort of ranger station, as he tries to radio a warning to motorists to stay off mountain roads. It's not heard as we see cars stranded in the drifts. As a New Englander, I empathize fully.

At the Ark, Prime pulls in down a corridor I'm not sure we've seen before. Even Teletraan's gone dead. Sparkplug wonders what they'll do. The Autobots' response? "Transform and roll for it!" Great plan, guys! No wonder you were in the verge of extinction when the series started! Where the hell's a good Picard facepalm when I need it?

On the snowy road, several Autobots pull up. They extend studs from their tires and begin helping out. One car almost falls off a cliff before Hoist grabs it with one of his vehicle extension claws and saves his life. The humans are freed and placed into Ratchet's ambulance mode. Trailbreaker saves a car from being buried with his force field, even. Megatron's voice comes over the airwaves again as Thundercracker and Ramjet attack. The Autobots are quickly routed.

On the Moon, Megatron gloats and says he's the one who controls the airwaves. At an airport, we see Prime actually acting as a traffic controller when he's ambushed and attacked. Powerglide's even shout out of the air-with Spike and Carly aboard! Carly grabs some 'emergency jetpacks and Spike manages to open the door, not be whipped out by the airspeed and place them on Powerglide's chassis. They fire and he manages not to crash into a tower.

Megatron's voice comes over again. "Earthlings, I will return your airwaves to you for a price! Listen carefully." On the moon, Blaster manages to hit one of his tape controls. "In exchange for your airwaves, I want ALL of your energy reserves! I want your coal, your oil, your gas, your electricity-all of it! And then, only then will I return your airwaves to you!"

Those airwaves would prove pretty useless without a power source, methinks.

Over the demands, we hear the rock music from earlier. Carly slips a card into Powerglide's console and somehow that enables them to track the signal to the Moon. Could they not have done with with Megatron's earlier rant? Powerglide can't make it to the Moon, though. he does circle back and pick up Prime with a towline. No harpoon, though.


This really wanna be how you're carrying a critically-injured teammate?

His jetpack begins running out of fuel, so he heads for an alternate route. At the anowy road, the Autobots manage to shake off the snow and hear Blaster's signal. Trailbreaker says something... odd. "That son of an eight-track!" How the hell would he know what an eight-track is?! They roll out to get the humans to safety.

It turns out Powerglide was able to make it to Omega Supreme. There, Spike shows the limit of even his knowledge of Autobot anatomy. They put some emergency parts into Prime that hopefully can act as emergency repairs until Ratchet can look him over. Powerglide figures if Blaster's on the Moon, so is Megatron. Omega declares they must go to the Moon to rescue their comrades. They load up Prime and Spike and Carly are now wearing spacesuits. Meh, there might've been enough time for them to get them on. Carly's enthusiastic. "I've never been to the moon before!"

As an aside, the tf wiki rips into Carly for daring to show enthusiasm about going to our nearest neighbor. Look under the continuity notes. Seriously, this is a problem? I need a Pinkie Pie image-STAT!

Omega takes off, leaving behind the tank, track and base portion of himself. Don't worry, folks. They'll be along shortly! Man, he makes 'where does the trailer go?' seem as easy as one plus one!

On the Moon, Megatron is... well, he's gone into rant mode apparently. He hears Blaster's music and literally kicks Blaster in the head. He points his fusion cannon at Blaster. "Equalize this!" At that moment, there's a large explosion and part of the roof caves in. He spies Omega outside and orders them stopped.

Omega lands and... his entire mass just appears literally in a cloud of smoke. Prime is offloaded, too. Spike and Carly run to a crater as Omega transforms. He demands the Autobots be released. "Never!" Omega... picks him up.


I have a feeling Megatron is thinking at this moment, "No, I didn't have to follow the Ark! I could've stayed on Cybertron, solidified my hold on the planet and turn it into an engine of war! The pit was I thinking??!!!!!"

Astrotrain talks some smack. "Looks like the big boy needs a little training!" He transforms into train mode and hits Omega in the foot, knocking him off-balance. Omega transforms into rocket/base mode and chases after him.

Meanwhile, Megatron stands over Prime's chassis. "Parting is such sweet sorrow!" He kicks him, but Prime grabs him and flips him. There's a fight.

Inside, Cosmos-still armed!-fires and destroys the jamming equipment. The base explodes as Prime and megatron grapple, Prime winning. We cut to Astrotrain and Omega. Astrotrain taunts him. "Face it, Omega! You're too outdated to catch me!" So Omega transforms back to robot mode and simply grabs the shuttle from mid air, tossing him away.

Megatron retreats, but the Autobots have to save their comrades. Prime pulls away the restraints and frees Blaster and Cosmos. Blaster... I think he suggests converting this base into an Autobot outpost. Blaster points out he did save the day, and Prime retorts in a roundabout way he also prevented a timely receiving of the distress call from earlier in the episode.

Thoughts
Well... not a really bad episode. Blaster was annoying as all hell, though. And nearly cost them the fight. I have a feeling while Megatron was making his demands, Soundwave, rumble, Frenzy and Ravage were busy in the Sahara, getting a shipment of energon cubes ready for Cybertron.

Also, the professor really ought to go on a scenic trip of rural Oregon...

And now for a rather... unique, and from my memory cool episode.

A Decepticon Raider in King Arthur's Court
Starring Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Episode!

...

Okay, I'll try to keep the Holy Grail jokes to a minimum. But I also have a feeling after this, the Autobots watched the movie and some of them gained an undying love for Monty Python. Okay, all of them. Especially Optimus.

We open on a Stonehenge-like structure. Not necessarily Stonehenge because there are more than that particular Standing Stone structure. But it definitely is Britain, which is rather refreshing. We see Starscream, Ramjet, Rumble and Ravage on a hill and they're running out of power. Ramjet transforms and rolls along the ground, hitting Warpath and glancing off rather pathetically. He flies back and knocks everyone down to the stones. "I just changed heads last week!" So, so many things wrong there... and also right.

Starscream calls for a rather sensible retreat, but Rumble detects energy. They go inside a room, with Warpath following. He collapses the entrance and probably gains the everlasting hatred of the local Preservation Society. Inside, there's a glowing energy sphere, but Starscream doesn't care. "What is this place?" "Our tomb." Rumble detects the energy and runs his hand along some runic symbols before Starscream brushes him aside and lights the symbols up.

Outside, we see a ridiculously tiny Hoist and a giant Warpath.


Warpath, the boulder is literally half your size. Pick it up and give mini-Hoist a hand! Inside, Starascream activates... something. There's a bright beam of light, and the entrance is cleared and the Autobots are gone! The Decepticons walk out, but are spied by a young woman, who calls them 'armored giant knights'. And we learn the structure is called the Dragon Mound. The Decepticons walk along the pastoral English countryside, but Rumble spots trouble ahead. "There's some kind of weird-looking Autobots! And they're attacking... me!!!"

And we see two knights in plate armor on horseback. "A spy from the Red knight! Charge!" And true to their word, they charge. Starscream and Ramjet leap up and we get this little scene.


It'd be humiliating if it wasn't funny, or the Dark Ages. "Hah! Inferior construction, even for an Autobot!" One of the knights takes off his helmet and Starscream takes it. "Not Autobots, but humans pretending to be robots!" We get an introduction. The leader is Sir Wigund de Blackthorne. Rumble hands back his helmet. "Interesting technology, but not very modern." There was almost a hint of... admiration in his voice?

Wigund says it was made this year-543 anno domini. Starscream realizes the room was a time machine. Great Scott! He decides to help Wigund as we see the young lady from before still spying. She goes to warn her father, but steps on a convenient branch. Seriously, get the park service out there to clean that up! Ravage hears it and Starscream asks... and I am not kidding, "What is it, Ravage?"

What, Timmy fell down the well again? In the mine? In Winter? Primus, I'm only four minutes into the episode!

The knights and Ravage chase after her while Starscream sets us up the temporal paradox. "What's more important is that we have one thousand, four hundred and fifty-one years to go before we have to worry about the Autobots and that bungler, Megatron." Actually, it's one thousand, four hundred and thirty-one years, Screamer, but we'll let that slide since you're low on energon.

The lady goes into a ticket, but Ravage brushes by the brambles. She's out of breath-and then slams into Spike. The hell did he come from?! Ravage goes to tackle them, but Spike and the lady duck and Ravage bounces off an emerging Warpath. Hoist emerges, too. She drags Spike away before some dragon returns and Warpath... "She must mean Starscream." Actually understandable. Hoist observes the lady's dress and his databank dates her costume to 542 AD. "Fashion is always a year behind Camelot out here in the countryside." Spike kisses her hand out of nowhere and she finally gives her name of Nimue, which was the name of a character who fell in love with Merlin, apparently.

She asks for help against the giant knights and the Autobots agree, transforming. She rather takes it in stride of the giant shapeshifting machines and climbs in. We cut to a castle and a training ground. Hoist is talking with Nimue's father, Sir Aetheling the Red, telling him he needs help. Spike pipes up and says he needs help, too. The armor he needs for a tournament is ill-fitting and bulky, though. Hoist does a scan of Spike's proportions.


He picks up a piece of metal and begins welding a suit of armor. We also learn why Wigund's feuding. His cows wandered through a hole in the fence and devoured Aetheling's garden. The tournament is an excuse to get Wigund there to settle things peacefully. And Hoist's armor is ready. But he's also getting low on energy. Nimue gives him a cloth, says he'll be her champion on the field of honor and kisses him. Does it really count as cheating if your girlfriend won't be born for another 1,400 years?

The next day is the tournament. Aetheling wants to see reason as Spike does some practice. I have a feeling this is the first time he's ever been on a horse. Bonus points for Hoist using his own crane to lower him onto the horse. Spike tries as Nimue cheers him on, but he's knocked off. "Some champion." His horse walks off, him holding onto the tail.

Aetheling approaches Wigund, but Wigund's not making it easy. He declares war and shows his champions. Sir Rumble and Sir Ramjet. Ramjet transforms and Rumble hops on. Hoist and Warpath roll off, too. Aetheling is raised onto Warpath's turret, and we also learn Warpath has no more power for lasers. Starscream's aghast that the Autobots are there as the two champions roll for it! Ramjet's nosecone is compacted and Rumble's tossed through his cockpit. "My nose! You're ruined my nose!"

I actually agree with the TF wiki when they point out that Ramjet probably wasn't designed for head-on collisions with Autobot tanks. Nimue cheers him on and chews out Wigund. Starscream loses it, grabs Nimue and tells Aetheling to surrender or he'll never see her again. He transforms and rolls out, brave, brave Sir Starscream! When danger reared its ugly head he and oh god I'm sorry.

Aetheling and Spike chase after him on horseback. Hoist and Warpath try to sandwich him, but miss and crash into each other. Ramjet-with a fully repaired nosecone and cockpit-wonders why Starscream can still fly, but he can't as his wheels leave the ground briefly before going back down again. Warpath's so low on energy he can't stay transformed. An owl flies overhead and then goes to a wizard-type fellow. I think his name is... Tim, the Enchanter. We learn the owl's name is Solomon. Solomon hoots and apparently Tim can understand him. "Make some idiot twenty feet tall and he thinks he rules the Earth."

At Wigund's castle, Nimue is locked up as Wigund protests. Starscream tells him to shut up, but he's so low on energy he can't stand up. One of Wigund's subordinates gives Starscream s chest of gold, apparently from Wigund's grandmother. Wigund grabs it and presses it into gold. We cut to slaves on a wheel of pain, turning it to generate power for the Decepticons. Starscream takes his time in it.

At Aetheling's castle, Spike berates himself. Warpath tells him it wasn't his fault, then encourages Spike to go off and see what he can do about rescuing Nimue! Warpath, you idiot! We cut to Wigund's castle as Starscream is still charging himself up. He steps out and sees charcoal being made, and tells Ramjet to get rock salt. He wants Rumble to get sulfur and Rumble points out they need potassium nitrate, too. I wonder whatever for! A pigeon makes a deposit on Starscream's head and I nearly die laughing as he sends Rumble to also get the nitrate. "Me and my big mouth."

We see Nimue in her cell. Wigund COmes in to try and explain himself, but Nimue will have none of it. Understandable, considering what's happened. And it turns out Wigund... agrees with her. He'll do his best to change and even flirts her! We see Spike climbing up the side of Swamp Castle, falling back to the moat and losing the armor with the quick-release hinges to float back up. Well, Hoist made it so I wouldn't be surprised.

The drawbridge is lowered and Rumble enters with the nitrate.


So, Rumble's not a king, then? Ramjet greets him at the entrance with the most adorable greeting. "Great work, little buddy!" The other ingredients are ready. Spike overhears him and I think he figures out that Starscream has mixed up gunpowder.

Spike finally climbs up to the tower... and Nimue and Wigund are getting married. Ouch. We cut to Aetheling's forces advancing, but Starscream's prepared as catapults launch Trojan rabbits explosives. Siege towers are destroyed, but Hoist and Warpath volunteer their services. Hoist makes a good drawbridge. Inside, Wigund asks Wulfe-the one who gave Starscream the gold earlier-for help, but Wulfe tosses Wigund into the moat. Spike challenges him with a chair, but Wulfe draws his sword... only to get clocked by Nimue from behind. "Actually, the pleasure was all mine." So... we got the sad trombone from Pinkie Pie yet?

Hoist becomes a siege tower, even for Warpath as he climbs up and duels with Ramjet. Warpath fires a shell-not a laser-but is quickly knocked aside by the comparatively-recharged Ramjet, back down to Hoist. Both Autobots are critically low on energy. At the castle, Ravage charges Spike, but Solomon flies down and distracts the cat. He flies back to Tim as Wigund and Aetheling tell him they need energy. Starscream stands on the parapets and declares himself ruler, but Tim decides to use his 'magic'.

Starscream brushes him off. "Foolish human! Magic can never defeat science!" Ooh, you never say that, Screamer! Tim raises his hands and lightning crashes and his staff glows. Golden light envelopes the Autobots and recharges them. Not enough for weapons, but enough so they can transform. Ramjet and Tumble wheel the dynamo into position, but the Autobots crash through the walls. Hoist launches a grappling hook that wraps around RUmble, Ramjet and the dynamo, wheeling off and flinging it into a wall.

Later on, Wigund grabs a coil of gold wire and turns it into an impromptu wedding ring for Nimue. Aww. Spike is a bit disappointed but Warpath has some advice. "Better luck next time, pal." Like with the woman from your own time period? We see the Decepticons in sorry state.


Hoist realizes he's gotta take them back... to the future! Tim realizes they're time travelers and takes them back to the Dragon Mound. Turns out Tim built it, but a wandering dragon made it his home. Spike comments they didn't see a dragon. "That's because he's been out, visiting relatives." And we hear a roar and see a jet of flame. Starscream is basically oiling himself. Warpath trusts the wizard, though. Fortunately', he's got a full load of dragon's bane! Turns out it's gunpowder. The bag explodes and the dragon leaves.

We see the knights and lady waving goodbye as the the time travelers enter the Mound, then leave. Hoist asks the obvious question. "What do you think? Are we back?" A laser blast answers that question as Megatron spots Megatron and tackles him. "We're back! We're back!" Megatron has... no idea what he's talking about. "Starscream, you fool! You ruined my shot!" Warpath, Hoist and Spike race off.

Starscream embarrasses himself even more. "What's the matter? Aren't you glad to see us?" And the final shot is Megatron suffering several blown fuses.

Thoughts
This was a fun episode! Whacked as all get-out, but just... awesome. I mean seriously, time travel, knights on horseback, poop jokes-it's got it all. And apparently Ramjet watches Gilligan's Island.

I also think Tim and Solomon are still alive, and Solomon is boyfriend with Philomena from the latest episode of MLP: FIM. Why? WHY NOT??!

Okay...

And now for an episode with good... and bad...

The Golden Lagoon
Open on a beach. Perceptor, Seapsray, Warpath, Powerglide and Beachcomber are walking, gliding or trudging along. Perceptor stops them for a rock, one laced with gold and silver. Warpath's less than impressed, but there's little time as above, Blitzwing, Thrust and Ramjet transform and attack! Seaspray spots them and somehow his hoverjets can boost him rather high.

Powerglide transforms and takes off, and then we cut to Seaspray and he's somehow ended up in the water, trading shots with Ramjet. Ramjet flies straight at him... and Seapsray moves out of the way, letting him crash into the water. That is quite humiliating.

Blitzwing joins the fight, with Warpath shooting back. Blitzwing transforms into tank mode and collision! Perceptor calls for Beachcomber, but he's nowhere to be found!

We cut to Beachcomber in... a silven glen. "It's paradise!" A bird lands on his frikkin' shoulder and he whistles at him. Other animals come over and it's straight out of a bad dream.


hey, Beachcomber, remember your friends under fire from the oilthirsty Decepticons??! Jackass...

He finds a pool of golden liquid. "Great Maximus!" He dips a hand in and states it's electrum. We cut to back to the life-and-death fight as Ramjet emerges from the water, nearly toppling Seaspray. Warpath and Blitzwing are still at it, too. Thrust sends up such a mass of fire the cliff side weakens! At Beachcomber's paradise, he says no one can find out about it. But the rocks on this side also tumble. He transforms and speeds through the entrance to the tunnel leading from one side to the other just as Thrust flies over. The animals flee as he dips his hands into the electrum. "Thrust, my man, you are about to become number-one Decepticon!"

He dives in and is covered, with an audible 'shine'. Beachcomber emerges into the firefight and Perceptor asks where he was. "Ah... nowhere." Ramjet fires at them and shoots them down. Seaspray emerges, but Thrust flies down. He gets hammered, but nothing. "What's that, a tickle torture?"

He fires back and takes out Seaspray. Perceptor calls for a retreat. "Something most peculiar is occurring!" Now I legit wonder if the electrum coating is supposed to be invisible in-universe. It's explain a lot! Warpath retracts his cannon into his chest and fires missiles from it! But all for naught. Warpath blasts a hole in the cliff and leads Beachcomber and Powerglide into it. Thrust extends talons from his underside and scoops up Seaspray and Perceptor.



At the Decepticon headquarters, the two Autobots are presented before Megatron. "The brilliant scientist Perceptor and the naval strategist Seaspray!" Perceptor's defiant, good for him! They're locked up while Thrust tells them of the electrum. Starscream remembers he's a scientist and demands proof. Megatron snipes back. "Personally I don't care what you need!"

At the glen, the Decepticons land. Starscream is sent in first. He dips his foot in before jumping in, holding his nose.


I... guess he doesn't want to get a clogged intake or something? Do TF noses even do anything? He jumps back out as Megatron raises his fusion cannon. "I will enjoy this!" Starscream has a mild panic attack, but the shots do nothing but glance off... and destroy the forest. All the Decepticons jump in and fire at each other, doing nothing. Megatron gloats, and for once I agree with him!

At Omega Supreme, Warpath's eager to get back at the Decepticons. Powerglide tries to calm him down. "This is supposed to be a rescue mission, not the Charge of the Light Brigade!" Smokescreen points out Beachcomber spacing out. He looks at his hand as Warpath and Smokescreen transform and roll out. Powerglide wishes Mirage was there, and speak of the Unicron! "Your wish is granted." he decolaks. "I've been here for ten minutes." Okay, funny as all hell, but he's been cloaked for ten minutes? Why?

At the glen, the Decepticons fly off. We cut back to the Autobots as the Decepticons fly overhead. Megatron's order is simple. "Destroy!" And yeah, it's a slaughter. The Autobots can do nothing while the Decepticons fire, hit and it hurts. More credence to electrum being invisible. Mirage turns back for reinforcements. "See you around." Mirage cloaks. "Oh, no you won't!" Smokescreen puts out a cloud, but Megatron has a brilliant strategy. "Just shoot up the whole cloud! He's in there somewhere." And Smokescreen is shot up and shot down.

The Decepticons fly off as we see Mirage decloaking in front of a lot of season-one Autobots. He reports to Sunstreaker their weapons don't work. "I'll blast a few big Ds for yah, and you'll see what a difference a pro makes." Our hero, ladies and gentlemen. They transform and roll out as the Decepticons come into view. "Show no mercy!" Starscream brings up a good point. "Did we ever?" And they fire, and it's another slaughter. The Decepticons simply wade through the fire. Beachcomber knows what happened and name-drops the title. "They found the golden lagoon!"

We cut back to the Decepticon base. They're there, gloating. Perceptor and Seaspray are brought up and will be made to fight to the death. Soundwave pipes up Megatron must be informed, but Starscream brushes him off. Soundwave goes off as Seaspray and Perceptor are handed weapons. They try and shoot the Decepticons, with predictable results.

We cut to Smokescreen going up to Omega Supreme as the last line of defense is readied. "You're our only hope, Omega." No, Obi-Wan is your only hope. Omega transforms. "Failure; impossible." We see Beachcomber at the lagoon and the Decepticons lounging around. SOundwave reports to Megatron as Beachcomber is captured by Blitzwing. At the base, Perceptor and Seaspray blast the hull of the ship and make a break for it! They go for the docking tower, but Megatron's there with Beachcomber. He shoves Beachcomber in and tells Starscream he will lead the attack against Omega Supreme. Starscrem oils himself at the prospect.

Topside, the Decepticons attack. Omega fires, but even his mighty weapons do nothing. "Results; disappointing." The Decepticons fire, first taking out his shoulders. He creates a chasm with a footstomp. Megatron transforms into gun mode. "Let me finish him off personally!" And the mighty Omega Supreme is taken down! Megatron tells them to rearm for the assault on Autobot Headquarters!

At the Ark, Optimus learns Omega was taken out. Teletraan flashes the word 'electrum'. Finally! Ironhide doesn't know what it is, but Prime does! He sends out search teams. We cut to the beach and Powerglide coming ashore. He spots the Decepticons flying over and transforms, taking off and spotting the pool! He lands and sees them in the pool.

Starscream reports to megatron that they're ready for the final assault and asks about the prisoners. "They're at your disposal!" Skywarp opens the cell, but Beachcomber's gone. Turns out he's hanging from the ceiling and makes a drops down, taking them out. How... is not seen, thankfully. He shoots out a window and Seaspray takes them out and to the surface.

Megatron makes a speech and Starscream gets snarky. "Cut the oration, Megatron! We already heard it." And even Skywarp gets in on the act! "Yeah, let's talk about victory after we got it!" So Megatron flies off. We cut to the glen. Long Haul dumps some barrels for I think Dirge to fill with electrum before driving off for the main battle. And yeah, it's Dirge. Beachcomber grabs him. They hear footsteps, but it's the rest of the Autobots. "Well, looks like we all found out about this place at the same time." Beachcomber runs off, shame filling his Spark. He dives in. "Come on in. The electrum's fine!" And the Autobots jump in.

At the Ark, the Decepticons are firing at literal dummies. Megatron realizes what's going on and they go back to the lagoon. It's pretty much a stalemate as both sides are invulnerable. The real casualties are the forest. Celestia would be appalled!

Blitzwing suddenly turns back to his normal colors and all hopes of it being invisible IU are dashed as Perceptor notes the change. Damn. Megatron sees it fading. "No, it can't be!" And thus he has doomed himself! Perceptor tells Optimus as the Decepticons are taken out. megatron goes scorched Cybertron. "Obliterate the lagoon! If we can't have it, nobody can!" The Decepticons fire at the lagoon and the electrum explodes, leaving a crater. The Decepticons retreat as the Autobots cheer.

We cut to Beachcomber sitting on a stump. "We won..." As we pan across the carnage. Somewhat disturbing, actually.

Thoughts
At first I assumed the electrum coating was invisible IU, but apparently not. If it was, so many problems would've been solved.

Along with Beachcomber! Desertion, withholding information vital to the survival of the Autobots! No excuses there for any of his actions, IMO.

That final shot was pretty disturbing, to linger on the carnage wrought by the Great War. All in all, a good episode brought down by some odd choices.

*Crickets chirp* Hello...


And now another episode... I don't remember much of. *Shrug*

The God Gambit

We open IN SPACE!!! We pass by Saturn and Titan. We zoom in and see natives marching up to a temple, baskets on their heads. Okay... I guess they can breathe the nitrogen, methane and hydrogen. Some old guy looks down from an edge and notes they're almost here. Glowing orbs are raised into position and an arm raised on a statue. "If the god isn't ready, you'll scrub the temple floors with your tongues!" We see some amazonian babe sneaking around as the old man gesticulates and proclaims most mightily!

We see the people are oddly-skinned, with fur covering their shoulders and 80's hair.


By Primus, it's 'The Warrior'!

The old man spews out more rhetoric. "Look ye on his might, and despair." So, channeling Ozymandias a bit then. The statue's arms are waved about as the people bow and give up their harvest. Ah, it's a scam. The amazonian rushes the ceremony with other soldiers, attacking. The winches holding up the statue's arms are turned off and the thing crumbles. The amazonian proclaims the sky god is an excuse for high taxes. The old man's name is Jero and the lady's name is Talaria. She denounces him and his scam. "I believe in reason and common sense! there are no sky gods"

We cut to the Rings of Saturn and Cosmos, being chased and shot at. He radios the Ark and Prime, Perceptor and Jazz respond. He's got energy data, but is being chased by Astrotrain. Prime wants Cosmos to transmit the data, but Red Alert stops him with epic blockage! And the reasonable explanation that it could be intercepted. On Astrotrain, Thrust notes he's running out of energy. Astrotrain decides to tempt fate. "I'm in complete control! Complete control!" If it was Blitzwing I'd believe it...

He zeroes in on Cosmos, blows apart an asteroid blocking his shot and then takes out the saucer. Prime jabs ineffectually at a button as Cosmos tumbles out of control. Back on Titan, Talaria is at a campsite, telling the others that Jero and his 'astrologer priests' have been deceiving everyone. Jero tells her the sky gods want them where they are. "The sky gods forbid us to move to another land. That's why the chasms were formed!" Talaria tempts fate too. "They forbid, or you forbid, Jero? Show me a sky god, so I may ask him!"

And right on cue Cosmos tumbles through the atmosphere, glowing from friction. Nice touch, there. He leaves a fiery trail of destruction as Jero gloats. We cut to Astrotrain landing and also shrinking, as Thrust and Starscream fit inside what become his feet, and now he's not much taller than 'Screamer. Also, Starscream gets creepy. They landed at the temple. "Here's the church, here's the steeple. Open the doors, and where are the people?" The point of that, I don't know. I don't want to know. Astrotrain tells him to shut up-thank Primus-while Thrust spots smoke on the horizon. Sadly not on water.

The Titans have discovered Cosmos and bow to him, Jero telling them to bow to him. Astrotrain goes meta. "These fools worship transformers!" Although I'm not sure how he heard or saw anything. He concocts a plan to have them worship him. Starscream protests, so Astrotrain solves it in a sensible Decepticon manner-grabbing him by the throat and choking him!



"Quiet, Starscream! I've got a coronation to attend." Well, we've just hit hilarious in hindsight. Should I add that to the TVtropes entry? He transforms into train mode as Jero and Talaria argue. She needs more proof-as the Decepticons arrive in flashy choreography. "I am Astrotrain, mightiest of all the gods! Bow down and worship your new master, worms!" And they bow down.

Cosmos is placed inside the temple. Starscream is... this is odd. When did Astrotrain get so tough? He gets the energy data and holds up the lone wire preventing him from contacting anyone... as Talaria overhears him gloating. Thrust notes Astrotrain is low on energy, but Astrotrain is on a full-blown ego trip and won't call for backup. Later, Talaria rappels down and reconnects the wire. A screen pops open and Prime is on it. Apparently they've been trying to reach him "for hours!" I hope they took shifts. Talaria tells him Cosmos is hurt. Prime asks her what planet they're on. "Planet? I don't know the word." As she wouldn't. Sensible, there.

Prime tells her to touch a glowing red light-it's a signal beacon. Astrotrain sees Talaria and Starscream shoots at her, but misses again. She rappels down to the bottom of the chamber, but thrust blocks her path. "Going somewhere?" Cosmos starts waking up, though. He blasts Starscream, allowing Talaria to escape. Astrotrain blasts him, but I note his voice is rough.

On Earth, Omega Supreme is ready. But to simply get to Titan will take up 97% of his energy. Prime is ready to go, but Red Alert tells him no. "We can't risk losing you." But Prime would risk it! Jazz points out Red Alert's right. Ah, darn! Can't disagree with him! Perceptor's the only one who can decipher Cosmos' data, and Jazz just likes kicking pig-iron. Omega Supreme points out the obvious. "Talk, excessive. Time; limited." They board and he blasts off.

At Titan, Jero leads Astrotrain and the other to a cavern full of crystals. They're rich in energy and are a perfect power source. An acolyte-neither Farooq nor Bradshaw-points out the 'Ancient Tablets' say the crystals are taboo. Jero points out that since Astrotrain is a god, the whole 'taboo' thing makes little sense. Sadly, I must agree. We cut to Omega reaching Titan and landing. Well, more like crash landing. But it's more controlled than Cosmos' was. He lands at the edge of a cliff, just at the edge. Jazz offers to help him, but they'll need Cosmos and his energy data. "Just don't move!" Omega's retort is short, but precise. And famous. "Sarcasm; not appreciated." There's a tremor and he moves closer to the edge.

At the cavern, the natives are now slaves of Astrotrain. Jero tells one elder to be careful, and Starscream agrees-because the energy inside is unstable. We see Jazz and Perceptor walking along. Perceptor transforms and looks around, seeing Talaria shooting arrows at them. There's a large note of... nonchalance in his voice as she fires.


Keep dreaming and maybe they'll hurt the Autobots. Talaria declares that as long as she breathes-the methane and nitrogen-the 'Titans' won't worship false gods. I am praying that's translation convention. Perceptor deduces she means the Decepticons. Jazz tells her to stop shooting and they can help each other.

Talaria leads them to the temple, where Jazz is aghast. "This is terrible!" Perceptor brushes him off as they help him. "Cosmos has been in worse predicaments." I should not Talaria is riding on Jazz's shoulder and it is adorable.

Jazz notes it's not Cosmos' condition that upsets him. "No, I mean worshipping him like he's some kind of god. We're not gods, we're just fancy machines, Talaria." Rather humble and self-effacing of him. I like it. We cut to the slaves and Starscream ordering them around to the temple. They see the Autobots and there's a firefight. Thrust wimps out and wants to go get Astrotrain while Starscream tells him to stand and fight. And my head imploded.

Jazz transforms... for some reason, and so does Starscream. Jazz hurls a rock at him and knocks the seeker out of the air, then runs over and grapples him as he transforms. He calls for help from Thrust, but he runs out and runs into Astrotrain. Astrotrain tells them to use arrows and spears tipped with the crystals, taking Jazz by surprise. "Hold on, I'm on your side!" It knocks him off. Astrotrain tells them to use larger crystals and they wheel out a catapult. The crystal blows them back and into a chasm. Astrotrain declares they fled... when they were clearly blown back. Inside, Talaria calls out for the Autobots, but Astrotrain grabs her and declares her a heretic. Time for Titan sacrifice!

We cut to Starscream and Thrust flying over, searching for Jazz and Astrotrain. They fly off, missing the targets. Jazz decides to go in search of the crystals. The natives are tired and starving, but Astrotrain decides a sacrifice is in order. Jazz and Perceptor find the crystals and Jazz picks up a rock and begins bashing at a cluster of them. This right after Perceptor declares them unstable. Perceptor stops him as some natives come out, on the brink of death and suicide. Jazz tells them they're not gods, and one of them laments that if they'd listened to Talaria, she wouldn't be sacrificed. Jazz asks if there's another entrance to the temple and they point up-the ceiling of the cavern is the temple's floor! Perceptor sees a pool of silvery liquid and notes it's 'electric lava', the same substance as the crystals. Perceptor takes some crystals for Omega while Jazz climbs to rescue Talaria.

We cut to Perceptor with the crystals running through the forest to Omega on the edge. He makes a big leap while Omega balances on a large piton of rock. Back at the temple, Jero is about to presumably cut out Talaria's heart when Jazz emerges from a hole in the floor. Back at Omega, Perceptor loads up Omega with the crystals and he takes off!

At the temple, Jazz shoots the weapon from Jero's hands. "Sorry to bust up your revival, but the lady ain't got her heart in it!" He charges, firing and takes out Astrotrain. The natives flee while Jazz saves Talaria. They're pinned down at the altar. Jazz does his best, but Omega flies in and transforms, Perceptor wobbly on his feet. Omega punches the wall and the temple shakes. He fires and takes Astrotrain off his feet. The Triple-Changer dives into the hole and down to the cavern with the crystals. Topside, Jazz spots Cosmos.

Below, Jero asks who the 'false gods' are as Starscream and Thrust fly in. Astrotrain decides to blow up the crystals and shoots at them. He transforms and the Decepticons board him. Jero probably has a crisis of faith as he asks about himself. Astrotrain's answer is succinct. "Die like the worm you are!" And the cavern explodes... and Jero probably is vaporized. The entire temple explodes!

The natives are trapped at the edge of the electric lava-seriously, electric lava? Regular lava wasn't good enough? "Spare us, and we will worship you!" Jazz has had about enough. "We ain't gods! But we will save you! Omega Supreme, do your thing!" Omega transforms into base mode and extends a ramp. He then... moves hie entire body across. Jazz helps Talaria across, but they're almost killed by the explosions. Omega retracts his ramp in the nick of time!

We cut to the Titans beginning work on a new village. Talaria is grateful. Perceptor has also finished repairing Cosmos. One of the Titans says they have much to be thankful for. "Like no Decepticons monkeying around with your beliefs."

Thoughts
This is... rather deep, actually. Reason and common sense... also, note Jazz wasn't against the idea of religion, just the Transformers being worshiped themselves. He notes at the end the Decepticons not monkeying around with their beliefs-but not that their beliefs are bad.

Also, Astrotrain is nuts. And really got into the part. I mean REALLY got into the part.

And now for a focus on one of the Beautiful Mechs.

Make Tracks
We open on New York-a lot dirtier than in 'City of Steel'. We see a decrepit neighborhood and some refugees from 'The Warriors' checking out Autobot Tracks. "Those wheels are rude!" Was 'rude' ever a slang term like that back then? I was about seven, admittedly. Now, Tracks has two big Autobrands and I think even punks like this would know who and what he is. But alas, they were born without brains. One of them pulls out a screwdriver and pops the lock. They get in and find... screw it. It's Blaster. They start Tracks up and turn Blaster on, driving to a chop shop. "We bagged a beaut, Winston! Make with the long green!" Lorne Green? And maybe no one else saw that episode of Police Squad!.

He wants Blaster turned off as Tracks transforms. They run for it, but Blaster transforms too and grabs them. "You punks are sunk, and that's no bunk!" I want Jazz! He's not annoying or proto-Wheelie! Winston-the chop shop owner-makes a break for it, but Optimus Prime rolls up and transforms! Winston pulls what is clearly a regular pistol and fires, with ricochet sound effects. Prime orders him to surrender as police drive up and cuff them. "Thanks to you, our crimebuster program's a smashing success!"

One one hand, seeing Autobots helping out police like this gives me warm fuzzies. I think you all know how much I love seeing the Autobots helping out like this. On the other hand, Prowl or Jazz would be better suited to run this operation, methinks.

They transform and roll for a garage owned by Sparkplug. Or it's simply an Autobot outpost established on the East Coast to deter Decepticon raids. I favor the latter explanation. There, Sparkplug greets them and Prime asks for news from Teletraan-One. Sparkplug presses a button and a door slides open, revealing a corridor in Ark orange. Yeah, a secret outpost with direct access to Teletraan-One. I love it.

No news on the Decepticons. At the main control room, Tracks expounds on New York. "Pardon the cliche, but I love New York!" Hoist makes a mild rib while Huffer... "Yeah, he'd rather hang out with humans than us any day!" I know one Autobot I'd rather avoid, thank you! Prime sends Powerglide and Cosmos skyward for patrol while Seaspray hits the river. And since this is 80's New York, he probably means that literally. Tracks leaves for some air. "It's too stuffy in here." Pot, this is the kettle. You're black!

He transforms and rolls out. Some thugs runs up and try to carjack him. Points, though, for noticing no driver. Points deducted for not noticing his Autobrands! They shoot at him, which for the most part does nothing, but one bullet-and thank Primus they're bullets and not lasers-hits his tire and he spins out of control into a lamppost. "My hood, my beautiful hood!" He's in bad shape and can't even transform. A turbo-revvin' young punk by the name of Raoul rounds a corner and sees him in this sorry shape.



"Well, nobody seems to want you. So that makes you mine." And thus a beautiful friendship is born! Or something rather creepy. "We gonna fix you up good." Tracks speaks for all of us. "This is a most disturbing development." He runs off and we fade to seeing him and some friends pushing Tracks into some open area. Raoul runs down what Tracks needs and slides under. Tracks speaks up and Raoul hits his head. Tracks asks to be repaired. "The car talks!" "You've got a mind like a steel trap." Seriously, Raoul has never heard of the Transformers before? That strains credulity. He says he'll fix Trakcs up-and then sell him to the 'Geddis Brothers'.

We cut to Raoul getting some spare parts. "First time in my life I try to steal a car, and I get one with a big mouth." Tracks asks him where he got the parts, and Raoul says not to ask and he could always do some 'burners' instead. This apparently means graffiti. He pops Tracks' hood and sees some Cybertronian technology. He snips a wire... and kills Tracks, apparently. "Car, Car! Speak to me, What did I do?" You snipped a wire and he went dead. A to B... He tapes the wire back up and he comes back to life. We learn it's the main cable to his computer. "Without it, I'm just an ordinary car." There is so much wrong with that. One cable?! Raoul begins working on him.

We cut to Seaspray patrolling the river, making sure to stay out of the gunk. "I wish the humans would learn to keep their rivers clean." He passes by a tow truck pulling a wreck from the river! He transforms and helps the tow truck out before contacting Optimus to report nothing. At the outpost, Prime calls in other Autobots for reports. Powerglide is first. "It's as quiet as New York gets on a Friday night." I guess they know Earth culture, then. Prime tells him to report Decepticon activity or of he sees Tracks. We then see Cosmos flying through the city and causing panic attacks. "Just a little fender bender on the West Side." And then we see this...


Ladies and gentlemen, if you ever thought scale was important-stop. It's not. It never has been and never will be.

They're stuck in the traffic jam. "It'll take hours before we get out of here!" Ten hundred quatloos to whoever can guess which Autobot said that! Hoist climbs out to assist while Huffer transforms, complaining all the while. Hoist transforms and extends his crane. "Okay, mister four-wheel drive. This won't hurt a bit!" Huffer grouses and wishes he had wings like Tracks. "I bet he wouldn't be caught in a jam like this!" What jam?! You can walk away!

We cut to Raoul polishing up Tracks. Tracks asks what he'll do with him as the Geddis Brothers show up.


"You promised us a car by midnight."

"It is now one minute after midnight." They rough Raoul up , but Tracks rolls up and transforms. The Geddis Brothers toss Raoul at Tracks and beat feet. "I thought those robots were on our side!" tracks overhears it and goes back to car mode, letting Raoul in. He tires following their car, but the Geddis Brothers lose him. So he extends his wings and takes off, finally making a proper introduction. "Well, Raoul. Hang onto your bobby socks!" Tracks...

He spots the car and lands, following them to a warehouse. But again they lose them and drive off. Back at the... open area Raoul worked on Tracks, he asks why Tracks was interested. Turns out Tracks was able to deduce the Geddis Brothers are working for the Decepticons. Which... makes sense, too. He wonders why the Decepticons want stolen cars and has Raoul take him to where the stolen cars are being taken.

We cut to a bunch of cars being driven across a bridge from the Hudson to Jersey. Tracks follows him as STarscream passes by, with Powerglide apotting him! Starscream sums it up. "Attention soundwave, uh oh!" They dogfight for a bit when Cosmos shows up. "How do you do, Starscream? Not very well, I hope!" Okay, that was very funny. They force Starscream to ground, who transforms and runs off.

He runs into a shopping mall... and I suppose it'd be big enough for them, being New York City and all. Starscream shoots up a column and then a glass elevator. Cosmos catches the car and deposits it. "First floor, movie theaters, shoe stores and fast food restaurants!" Now I wanna see the Autobots shopping. I don't care, either. I just want to. "I wish the directory could show us where to find Starscream." When did Cosmos get so awesome, again?

Powerglide spots him running up a flight of stairs. They run after him... despite all three of them capable of flight. Starscream shoots at them, blows a hole in the roof and flies off. Back at the outpost, they report to Prime. "He might have been heading for New Jersey, and the Pine Barrens."

We cut to the Pine Barrens and an obviously Decepticon base. The drivers of the stolen cars are bussed back to New York City while Tracks and Raoul observes. There's five hundred cars, according to them. Megatron's there and they ask for their million bucks in payment. They expected him to pay them? Predictably, he aims his fusion cannon at them and they act shocked-shocked-at the betrayal. One of them pulls a laser pistol and fires. i assume they got the pistol from the Decepticons. Megatron laughs at their futility and they run off.

Hook reports they're ready to work on the final batch of vehicles. "Then what are you waiting for?" Megs has a point. Tracks tries to contact Prime, but his radio's not working. Raoul gets out and Tracks rolls up to the assembly line. He gets-hey, his Autobrands are covered! Score one for the animators. Maybe. We see inside and Scrapper carving the cars up. Tracks' wire shorts out, though, as he rolls to the entrance.

Raoul runs up to the base and shouts, trying to provide a distraction. He says he's got an anti-stripping device installed. "Called a bomb." Megatron tells him to disarm it and the conveyor is stopped. Raoul pops the hood and reconnects the wire. He transforms and a firefight breaks out. They retreat into the forest and Tracks transforms, but he's low on power.

He transforms back to robot mode, but slumps against a tree. Raoul proves his worth by trying to distract the Decepticons. Fortunately, the other Autobots show up in time. Including Jazz! The Decepticons are driven off as Tracks is tended to. We cut back to the outpost and Tracks' report. Teletraan-One reports the stolen cars are driving down Brooklyn Bridge. Prime leads a group of Autobots to head them off.

At the bridge, the Autobots shoot the cars. And they begin transforming into drone soldiers. They've got poor aim and aren't too smart, but there's a lot of them. In downtown, another group of Autobots attack drones that made it through. "Let us stomp out these cheap imitations!" Inferno fights a fire as the battle continues and Tracks name-drops. "I'll teach you to mess with the Chrysler Building!" And then...



Seriously? This is... Okay, in-universe and out, what is this? I leave it to you, my readers, to hash it out!

Huffer's with another group. "Boy, talk about lousy shots!" And karma pays him back when a drone shoots a shed on top of a building and sends it crumbling on top of him. "Spoke too soon." At the bridge, sheer numbers are starting to work. Ratchet examines one of them and realizes they don't have brains! Prime deduces they're remote controlled and has Blaster broadcast a jamming signal. It works and they tumble to the ground.

We cut to the Autobots assaulting the Decepticon base. "We're putting your company into bankruptcy, Megatron!" Raoul sneaks into the base with a crowbar, but is caught by Megatron. The Autobots hold their fire and Tracks threatens. Raoul pulls out a can of spray paint, opens Megatron's chest and sprays the contents into his abdominal circuitry.

The TF wiki has a bit of a problem with this debilitating Megatron. I don't. It's not fire-retardant foam onto their exterior armor but inside and some rather delicate-looking components. The Decepticons retreat and the base is destroyed.

Back the city, the surviving drones transform back to vehicle mode. Some are inside Sparkplug's garage, others outside. Prime says they have to be converted back to normal and returned to their owners. Noble, but gonna be a big task. Sparkplug laments it'll take weeks. Raoul tries to sneak off, but Tracks has him 'volunteer' to help out. Raoul declares he'll never steal a car again as Tracks helps out.

Thoughts
Interesting, not bad. Pretty good, actually. Raoul will return-slightly lighter-but he'll be back. I wonder if he ever met Spike or Carly. Now there is a fanfic.

Also, good seeing the Autobots helping out the police. Although again, should've been Jazz leading it. He's cool like that, you dig?

These are some awesome reviews, man. Keep it up!

Blast Cannon wrote:These are some awesome reviews, man. Keep it up!

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Child's play

We open... in a baseball stadium. With a space bridge in the middle of it. We cut to the interior and the general manager. "As general manager of this stadium, I respectfully request that you allow us to play ball!" We pan across and see some baseball players looking pissed. And why do they look pissed? Because the Decepticons are there with the space bridge! The GM has balls of solid titanium or nothing between his ears. I'm betting on the latter.

Thrust, Starscream, Megatron and Skywarp are on the space bridge. Megatron declares the game is on. Oh, ****. Thrust loads up his cannon with baseballs and fires them. One guy swings at them and the bat is snapped in two. Another tries to catch a ball and a hole is drilled in his glove. Fortunately. he kept his fingers. And the scoreboard is destroyed and sent crashing down!


Yeah, tell me no one died there. I've got some oceanfront property in Arizona to sell, too!

Soundwave scoops up a player and winds up... "Skywarp, think fast!" Starscream intercepts him, though as Ravage chases a player around. The stands empty out as Starscream buzzes the crowd and scoops up two spectators with his wings. Thankfully, the Autobots roll into the stadium. "Okay, Decepticons. It's our turn at bat!" Oh, Prime. How I love you!

Starscream dumps his 'passengers', but Inferno transforms and deploys a net from his ladder... somehow. "Strike one!" I want my toy to do that! Brawn grabs Soundwave and chucks him into Starscream on the space bridge lip. "Strike two!" Thrust fires a rocket at Bumblebee, but Prime punches it away! "Time for a pinch hitter!"

Itonhide grabs a light and hits Thrust. "Batter up!" Smokescreen goes long... "I got him!" But Ravage tackles him and they all go into the space bridge proper. Starscream's sent flying in there, along with Prime and Megatron. Prime grabs Megatron and tosses him. "Strike three, Megatron! You're out!"

Perceptor tries to deactivate the space bridge, but Megatron shoots at him-and hits the controls. The entire thing goes haywire and everyone inside is sucked up by an errant and unpredictable wormhole opening. Megatron's pissed his energon coubes are gone, but apparently it hasn't sunk in yet Prime and Starscream-the two biggest thorns in his chassis-are gone! And gone where?


"My Primus, it's full of stars!"

There's a whiteout and they land... somewhere. Both sides accuse the other of trickery. Prime warns the Autobots to be cautious while Starscream activates a... jack-in-the-box. Lord, those things are creepy. He shoots it. Balls roll down and one lands on Starscream. Perceptor taps it. "Whatever it is, I hope it's friendly!" A rather large cat grabs Soundwave... well, a something. He runs for it. "Alert, alert! Assistance required!" Thrust transforms and fires laser at it, doing a Hollywood strafing pattern. The creature swats at him and he's knocked into a large pool of water.

A piranha-like fish swims up to him, wicked-looking teeth bared. And he has a spaz attack. Dude, fly off! instead, he swims. He... calls for Ravage. Well, he is the only 'Con not incapacitated. Ravage runs, leaps... and is ensared by vines from some giant plant. The Autobots are rather nonchalant about their enemy's nigh-certain demise as Prime has them load up the energon cubes and get out. The Decepticons plead for help, but Prime simply has them roll out. This any relation to superdickery? Perceptor rolls out in microscope mode. Nod to his toy?

Back on Earth, the Autobots are running out of the stadium as the space bridge explodes. Ironhide takes over and has them go back to Teletraan-One to figure out what's going on. He even orders them to transform! Back at... wherever they are, the Autobots come across a building. They store the energon cubes and go exploring. It's empty and shoddily built. Inferno knocks against a wall and it tumbles! They exit and find Starscream, with something menacing him. "Don't come near me, you monster!"

It grabs him and places him inside a glass jar. Or something transparent. Soundwave is next, followed by Thrust and then Ravage. Thrust threatens him, but Starscream sees through it. "Big talker!" We see the... thing and it's not pretty. Bumblebee figures it out. "It's a giant boy!" We pan across his room. Perceptor goes anal. "Actually, it's all a matter of perspective. We're miniature robots to him!" And the show just got slightly meta. Prime tells them not to make a sound as the boy-who we learn is named Aron-asks if his cat Nitro likes the toys. Nitro goes over and knocks over the building. Thrust tries to make a break for it, but Aron grabs him and throws him against the wall. Ouch!

He transforms, but Aron grabs him with a butterfly net. He's tied up to the bed and can go nowhere. "You think a little piece of strong can stop me?" Spoilers... it does. Ravage makes a break for it, but Nitro corners him. He's placed into a cage with 'Booper', a cross between a hamster and elephant. Booper and Ravage... go into the wheel.


So, scale of one to ten. How humiliating?

Soundwave and Starscream break the globe, but Soundwave's put inside a toy box. Starscream goes inside the block house and shoots the energon cubes, blowing some up. The Autobots grab the cubes and run out, Inferno dousing the flames. Aron picks up Starscream and places him in a box. He thanks Inferno for saving his building set. "All in the line of duty!" The Autobots are scooped up, but placed gently on a desk! Aron introduces himself and asks their names. Prime does the intros. He asks where they are, but Aron's parents come in. Aron shows them the Decepticons and they freak out. "Get that disgusting creature out of my face!"

He goes to put them away, but Starscream shoots them. Aron hides the Autobots as the Decepticons are rounded up. Soundwave shoots at the dad. "Ow, it bit me!" No, it shot at him!" Aron tries to lie to them about the Autobots, but their parents pick up on them. The Autobots, not being stupid and trigger-happy, don't do anything. His mother panics and calls the authorities.

Back at the Ark, Chip's got no luck finding out where they went to. Chip's contacted Cybertron, even. Who'd he speak to? This is Chip's last onscreen appearance, apparently.

Back at Aron's planet, the authorities have the Transformers strapped down. They're being poked at and prodded. Umm... why not talk to them, since they're clearly capable of speech and communication? They decide to dissect one. "We have to find out what makes them tick! Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?! Aron grabs them and runs out, followed by his parents and soldiers. He ducks behind a bush and loses them. Stellar! Some bully named 'Marty'-really alien there, folks-runs up and demands to know what's behind Aron's back. Aron denies it, but Marty, being a bully, is contractually obligated to press the issue. "Come on, goosehead. I saw you hiding it from me!" The Autobots vacate the box into a handy trash receptacle. "Yuck, what a dump!" Aron shows him the empty box and is taunted some more.

Aron gets them and calls Marty the meanest guy in the universe. Bumblebee says he's never met Megatron. Good thing-for Megatron. Bumblebee tells him he's the leader of the Decepticons. "Those other robots, back at the lab." And we cut back to the lab as the Decepticons break free of their bindings. Back to Aron, he runs for his house. Prime tells him they can't stay. Aron asks where they're from and they tell him Earth. He mentions a telescope and Perceptor gets an idea! The Decepticons fly over, Sound wave zeroing in on their location... and Ravage 'running along' in the air.



The authorities spot Aron, though, so he dumps them. They jump down into a sewer, the Decepticons following. And for once, we get an absurdly spacious sewer that's justified. The Decepticons find them and there's a fight. Prime takes Ravage out and Bumblebee 'takes over'. Real courageous.

Perceptor and Soundwave duel, the former holding a pencil and the latter a stick. "The pen is mightier than the staff, Soundwave." Soundwave knocks him down with one hit, but Perceptor kicks him. A rat with a trunk comes by and Bumblebee's sucked into a whirlpool. Inferno rescues him, though. There;s a tidal wave and the Decepticons retreat. The Autobots climb into a broken cup and ride it out and to a rocky cliff. They eventually make their way to Aron's house.

Back there, his parents tell him he did wrong. The Decepticons scout out the neighborhood while the Autobots arrive. Prime tames Nitro with social-fu and the kitty-thing lets them ride on his back inside. There, Perceptor reveals his plan to use the energon to amplify his microscope into a transporter beam on his telescope. Prime speaks for all of us. "Don't tell us about it, just do it!" while Bumblebee jumps up and down like a child.

Seriously, that's what he does.

He asks where the cubes are and Aron pulls them out of his drawer, "Excellent, my friend." Perceptor it's only open for a limited time. Infernor shoots the cubes-hey, doesn't that cause them to explode? But it works and the Autobots go for the light beam. But the Decepticons appear, taking Bumblebee hostage! Aron goes to stop them, but Prime says no. Nitro attacks them and they jump into the beam, going home. The cubes are drained and they're stuck there. And Smokescreen notes the Decepticons are back home.

We cut to the Decepticons landing in a swamp. Thrust complains. "This isn't the type of welcome I had in mind!" Starscream tells him to shut up because there aren't any green monsters around. And cue the alligator attack! Massively huge alligator, but who cares?

Back at Aron's room, the Autobots lament being stuck. Aron gets an idea and pulls out a toy rocket! Perceptor begins spewing technobabble, but Prime cuts him off. "Perceptor, just do it!" We cut to the Autobots being loaded inside. Aron says they'll miss them. "Every time you look through your telescope at the stars, you'll know that your friends are out there." And this is why G1 animated Prime is the best Prime! Nitro licks Bumblebee and purs. "I feel the same way about you, Nitro." The rocket lifts off and Aron cheers them on.

Thoughts
Kinda trippy, actually. Somewhat meta, too. The Transformers... technically lifesize, now! Aron was a good kid, there. I liked him.

But will the Autobots get back? Tune in tomorrow, same Prime time, same Prime channel!

...

No, sorry. This Prime parties!

Your review of the Desertion of the Dinobots inspired me to go back and rewatch one of my favourite ever episodes of Generation One. It really was freakin' awesome! I think that the best part of this double episode was the amount of time given to scenes on Cybertron and the sense of wonder for Spike and Carly. It also gave Shockwave some well needed screen time too!

As for your question about Cybertronium... I'm not actually sure. We could postulate until the cows came home and probably not get near the truth. It was probably little more than a dodgy plot device to reduce the Transformers to a sorry state for a couple of episodes, considering that it's never mentioned again throughout the multiverse!

Blast Cannon wrote:Your review of the Desertion of the Dinobots inspired me to go back and rewatch one of my favourite ever episodes of Generation One. It really was freakin' awesome! I think that the best part of this double episode was the amount of time given to scenes on Cybertron and the sense of wonder for Spike and Carly. It also gave Shockwave some well needed screen time too!

Yeah. All around it's a great two-parter. The scenes on Cybertron could actually get one choked up a bit.

As for your question about Cybertronium... I'm not actually sure. We could postulate until the cows came home and probably not get near the truth. It was probably little more than a dodgy plot device to reduce the Transformers to a sorry state for a couple of episodes, considering that it's never mentioned again throughout the multiverse!

Yeah. I think this is the only time we see it in any canon.



And now for something for all those on the right side... but stray a bit to the bad once in a while.

The Gambler


If anyone didn't expect that, I'm sorry.

On a warm summer's evenin', on a starship bound for Earth... The toy rocket's engines fail. Inferno chews Perceptor out, who stumbles a bit for words. He's interrupted when the ship's caught in a tractor beam and hauled aboard some other ship. Abrupt, yes? The Autobots disembark and are escorted to a lab. Perceptor is fascinated, but tubes shoot up from the floor and around them. Good thing they were standing in those spots!

The captain of the freighter, 'Bosch', enters and introduces himself. Prime demands to be released. Bosch flips a switch and electric bolts shoot from the top of the tubes. "Your weapons are deactivated, your inherent powers are nullified and your free will is suspended. Ta-da, instant slaves!" But Smokescreen's tube fails. It opens and he pulls his rifle, but one of Bosch's guards shoots him with a Rainbow Dash beam. Bosch takes the gun from him and Smokescreen asks what he'll do with them.

Bosch is gonna sell them for energon. Hmm, a known quantity outside the Decepticons. Bosch also expos that the machines can also restore free will. Why he said that I don't know. He goes over to a slot machine and pulls the lever, but he loses. "Argh, I can't even beat my own machine anymore! And I had it fixed so i could cheat!"

The stun beam wears off and Smokescreen goes over and pulls out a wire from his wrist. He wins and Bosch is impressed. "It's all in the wrist." Bosch wants to go to Monacus, "the biggest gambling asteroid in the galaxy!" Smokescreen agrees to win enough energon to power Bosch's freighter in exchange for the Autobots' freedom. Let's hope he knows when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em.

And Monacus is, of course, named for Monaco, real-life country. the Autobots are released from the tubes and shrunk. "I'll restore them to the normal heights... later." And he scoops them up and places them in a tiny box. Subspace mass displacement?

A shuttle is launched to an orange planet and Monacus!


Lovely place, eh?

The shuttle skids to a landing. Smokescreen corrects Bosch on his name. "The name's Smokescreen. And I never walk when i can drive!" He transforms and Bosch is impressed. In Monacus, though, Bosch can't get collateral for the Autobots. Amusingly' he's directed to 'Asimov'. And I hope I don't have to explain the joke. All that's left is some guy named Lord Gyconi, in Sheol. A small colony on the Dark Side.

We cut to them walking down a street to a rather medieval-looking place. "Lord Gyconi's Pit of Destruction." For all your family-friendly entertainment! They pass the spy from episode four: A new Hope.


No doubt on his way to inform the Imperials about Han and Luke.

Inside is a gladiator pit with a robot and some... thing. An animalien. Bet ten chips and last for sixty seconds wins their life and one hundred energon chips. Some pathetic lizard-thing comes up and jabbers. Bosch translates he's demanding five chips apiece admission. Bosch tells him they're here on official business and are led to-HOLY ****!


It's Jabba with legs and clothing, but still uglier! He asks what they're offering and Bosch presents the Autobots as collateral. He enlarges them and Gyconi offers fifty chips at five hundred percent interest. Bosch balks, but it's the best offer. Smokescreen takes it. Gyconi drops the bomb that it's payable within the hour. As they leave, Gyconi tells the lizard to prepare the Autobots for a fight tonight.

We cut to a casino and Smokescreen doin' his thing. He's on a roll and bets it all, giving Bosch a heart attack. Unfortunately he doesn't know when to walk away and counts his money at the table. The hooded figure pulls off the tab and Smokescreen loses! You just lost Prime and the Matrix! We are SCREWED!!!

Back at Gyconi's, he takes possession of the Autobots and sends them down an elevator, but hands out two free passes to the show. Animaliens against the Autobots. Smokescreen is angry, but is 'escorted' out. And we learn the lizard's name is 'Slizardo'.

We cut to Astrotrain landing and Dirge and Ramjet exiting. A nice bit of continuity since Thrust is back on Earth. Dirge complains about the distance, but Astrotrain's on empty. As the coneheads walk off, Astrotrain takes a page out of Waspinator's book. "It's always the same thing. I fly them to points unknown, exhaust all my fuel and they get to have all the fun!" The coneheads walk off. Dirge has a creepy feeling they're being watched, but Ramjet dismisses it... but we pan back to see an Autobot watching them! Trust the paranoid ones! He makes a log and runs off, tracking them.

At Monacus, Smokescreen chews him out but Bosch actually comforts him. He suggests they go to Gyconi's as Slizardo is beat up, but the Autobot from before pulls the bullies back and tosses them away. Smokescreen's amazed. "He wears the symbol of the Autobots!" He calls over and the Autobot is joyous to see another Autobot. His name's Devcon. He left Cybertron during the Great War... but more of the story will have to wait as Slizardo comes over and kisses Devcon's hand!

Bosch translates that Slizardo is pledging his loyalty and gratitude to Devcon for saving his life. Devcon brushes him off, though. Aww... We learn Devcon's a bounty hunter, searching for Decepticons. Umm... who's gonna pay the bounty? Although he's about ten billion times cooler than Boba Fett. he tells them about Astrotrain and his posse and asks if they've seen them. Smokescreen reasons they're at Gyconi's.

We cut to said pit as Dirge and Ramjet shake him down. Megatron's been hearing stories as Gyconi sweats-thankfully only metaphorically. And now he does sweat. *Sigh* Ah, it's a racket! I like that! Although when did Megatron set it up? Dirge finds the card adverting the match and Ramjet decides to stick around. Interesting how assertive they are when not around Megatron and shaking down scum like Gyconi.

In the holding area below the pit, gyconi fuels the Autobots up with unstable energon. Unstable energon usually explodes, but okay. They'll figth fiercely for a few minutes, but the effects will wear off. The fix is in!

The first match is Prime himself. Normally he'd be able to wipe out all the beasts, methinks. His eyes are glowing red. There's a lockup and he's winning at first. Smokescreen cheers him on and the spectators bet on him. The energon wears off and it's over. Inferno's pushed in and it's a tag team match!

Smokescreen walks out and transforms, backing into the doorway and spewing out his titular smokescreen. The entire arena's covered in smoke. Gyconi tries spin control as the spectators grab their chips and run out. We see looped footage of the crowd vacating as Ramjet realizes it's Smokescreen. Are powers really that singular? Gyconi somehow orders them to get them and they oblige, probably by coincidence than actually following his orders.

Bocsh tells him to slow down as they've gotten away. "Maybe, maybe not!" At least Smokescreen knew when to run as Dirge and Ramjet fly overhead and attack. They think they're safe... and Smokescreen's blown on his roof. Fortunately Devcon shows up and blasts the coneheads. Dirge is scared oilless and they run off. Devcon helps them up and Smokescreen asks him to go back to Earth with them.

Devcon... it's his voice. He really wants to, but he's got other duties. He'll help them get the other Autobots, though. Devcon... runs along as Smokescreen drives. Almost over Slizardo, too. Slizardo says the Decepticons and Gyconi are leaving with the Autobots and are at Astrotrain.

We cut there and see the Autobots... loading up energon cubes into Astrotrain. That is so wrong. The still-functioning Autobots arrive and there's a firefight. Ramjet orders the Sutobots into Astrotrain and Bosch and Slizardo make a run to stop them. Character development! Gyconi calls for Astrotrain and he's fully energized. He transforms! "Now prepare to meet my friend-mister ionic displacer!" I believe that's his toy's gun.

Smokescreen transforms and spews out smoke, confusing the Decepticons. They cough... which is not unheard of but still weird. Astrotrain transforms and they board. Even Gyconi! Devcon transforms to pursue and invites Slizardo to join him. Aww.

We need a Devcon toy.

We cut to the Autobots, restored to free will. Prime's confused as all hell. He doesn't remember anything, but Inferno remembers Bosch frying them! But Bosch is their friend now. Unfortunately they're out of fuel. But Casino Row is right over there... "Hey, what about a little rnr, guys?"

Prime agrees! "Why not?" Yeah, Primes don't party my sine function! He's gonna hit the town and paint it red! They transform and roll for the big time!

Thoughts
I liked this episode. Nice to see a follow-up of Child's Play, there. Also, Smokescreen is one dirty mamma jamma! Sneaky, but in a good way. Bosch was interesting, too. Devcon... we need him as a toy. STAT!

And now...

Quest for Survival
Wait, What about quests?

We open on farmland and workers there, tilling the land and tending to the soil. But suddenly a swarm of Insecticons appear overhead! And we're talking biblical proportions of the damned things! One of the workers know what they are and they all run in abject terror. Ah, the unmasqued world. How I love thee. The Insecticons are a bit put out by the lack of hospitality. "Was it something we said?" So they simply descend and gorge themselves like tribbles and/or parasprites.

I wonder if any of the humans were a bit too slow...

We cut to an American farmland asmore Insecticons descend. The farmers there also know what the Insecticons are. Shrapnle lands near their tractor. "I think his tractor needs a jumpstart-jumpstart!" And he shoots lightning at it, blowing it up. They eat this field up. We cut again to a jungle and a farm. But this time the Autobots are there! Tracks leads the way with a missile launch, and there's a firefight-literally as he's set on fire. But the Insecticlones are too much and the Autobots retreat. "Now they've got their tail pipes between their legs!"

Back at the Ark, Smokescreen explains the retreat, but Prime-unlike others-realizes a wholesale slaughter is not the best thing to happen. Huffer complains and Prime tells him to shut up and that Cosmos, Bumblebee and Spike are doing something. At that moment, Bumblebee appears on the screen. He's reporting from Flouron Three and has 'robotic insecticide'. And Skids appears!


Yay, Skids! He too is wondering just WTF 'robotic insecticide' is. Prime congratulates Bumblebee and we see Spike and Bumblebee aboard Cosmos... with a huge-oh, see for yourself!



Spike hopes it works, but Cosmos is caught by some large vines shooting from an asteroid. He has Spike fire emergency jets and he breaks free. Wait, he needs Spike to fire his own thrusters? As Cosmos flies, we see him covered in spore-like objects. Uh, oh!

We cut to the Decepticon base's docking tower rising from the water and the wave of Insecticons entering. Megatron salutes them and has them enter some tubes to transfer the energy they gathered eating crops into energon. After a bit, Skywarp enters with their portion-three smallish cubes. naturally, they're pissed. Megatron BS's a bit that the transfer process itself uses up too much energy. Megatron walks off through a door and we see tons of cubes being filled. "If the Insecticons had brains, they'd be dangerous!"

We cut to Cosmos, tangled up by vines. He tumbles through space and runs out of fuel. Spike and Bumblebee eject in an escape pod and Cosmos crashes. Spike and Bumblebee get out of the escape pod and , in a show of camaraderie, go search for Cosmos. They find him in the midst of a sea of tentacles. He's in one piece but can't transform. They go for help because, really what can they do?

Teletraan reports the Decepticons accumulating energon with a magic camera shot inside their headquarters. What, Blaster got a Cassetibot inside or something? Also, one wonders how this famine is affecting the rest of the planet. We'll discuss that later. Bumblebee and Spike drive in, but when Bumblebee transforms, we see he's got the plants on him too! Ratchet extracts some for Perceptor to examine as another magic camera shot shows that the alien plants have taken over the whole valley.

Outside the Ark, Prime assembles a team to... what, exactly? They roll out, Huffer almost colliding with Ratchet. Laserbeak spies them and flies off to the base, giving a report. Somehow Laserbeak knew they were going to get robotic insecticide despite no mention of it. Megatron is actually pleased, since he can use it against the Insecticons. He also reports the alien plants. The Decepticons fly off for battle!

Back at the Ark, Perceptor and Prowl discuss the alien plants. "Hmm, very interesting." "What is it?" "Hmm, what is what?" Ah, that wacky Perceptor! Perceptor calls it a 'Morphobot' even as it grows. Prowl thought they were extinct. Perceptor did, too. Back at the convoy, Prime gets the message. The Morphobots have left their planet in search for sustenance and can probably eat any robotic life form. We cut to Thrust flying over the Insecticon swarm as Megatron contacts him with instructions to have the Insecticons stay away until the insecticide's been destroyed-in contradiction to him wanting it earlier for his own uses.

Thrust tells them not to go there-and even tells them about the insecticide-and that after, they can go on eating. They don't believe him. Really? Shrapnel shorts out Thrust and Kickback... kicks him. He transforms and fires missiles at the Insecticons before heading off. "Thrust never could take a joke!" Hmm, one wonders if the Insecticons knew him before the Ark. They decide Megatron's deceiving them and take off for the valley. Wow, the one time Megatron decides to be nice and it backfires on him. "This time we'll get what's coming to us!"

At the valley, the Decepticons arrive. Soundwave picks up Cosmos' distress signal and they land, finding the Morphobots.


Creepy little buggers, eh?

Megatron is... rather curious. Starscream fires, but Megatron tells him not to. "These plants may be dangerous!" Okay, are we in Bizarro-Transformers? He fires and it's reflected right back at him. Both Megatron and Soundwave laugh at his misfortune. And yes, Soundwave's laugh is creepy. Why do you ask? Megatron begins to chew out Starscream, but Soundwave reports Autobots. "I'll deal with you later!" When, Megatron? He has the Decepticons take cover and have the Autobots get the insecticide for them.

The Autobots roll up and transform. Prime's picking up his signal and has Warpath blast a path through. Warpath transforms and Prime also has Ironhide see if his liquids can act as weedkillers. Multi-vectored attack. I like it. Warpath begins firing, but nothing. "I didn't even make a dinging dent!" Well, you might've if you actually hit one of them! Ironhide fires off stuff, which actually makes contact. But nothing.

Blaster steps forward and Prime's audio receptors begin ringing. "Blaster, no music please! We're in the middle of-" Blaster half-transforms and begins playing.



The music begins working and the Morphobots are repelled by his music. Prime gets a little snarky. "Who says plants aren't intelligent? The Morphobots are repelled by your music!" And for once, I agree with huffer as he says, "Yeah, like the rest of us!" Bumblebee rolls through with Blaster on his roof, Ironhide spraying liquid nitrogen at the Morphobots to hold them at bay. They reach Cosmos and he's glad to see them. Hoist tows him out. And just in time as the Morphobots break free. now that was smart strategy by the Autobots, there! Bumblebee hits a bump and Blaster goes flying, transforming and landing. Prime praises him. "Good work, Blaster. You've just gone platinum!"

Cosmos shoots out the insecticide, but Megatron orders the Decepticons to attack. A firefight break out. Megatron transforms into gun mode and shoots the insecticide, blowing it up. Spike is rather... nonchalant as he realizes humanity could starve to death. Seriously, there's no emotion in his voice. Megatron taunts him as the Autobots simply march up to the Decepticons. The Morphobots suddenly grab Megatron from behind and drag him back. "Don't just stand there with your cockpits open, you fools!" Dude, how the hell did they sneak that by?!

The Decepticons rush to aid him, but are tossed aside. Starscream taunts him. "I'd shoot, but you ordered me not to!" Prime runs in. "Megatron is MINE!" But the Insecticon swarm flies in. Megatron has a mild break from reality. "The Insecticons! Those noble creatures have come to save us, despite the danger to their own lives."

Seriously, dude?

They fly on and mistake the Morphobots for a forest, thereby confirming that yes, they have no brains. Megatron has no idea what they're doing. And neither do I as they dive for the Morphobot swarm. And the swarm's eaten. The main Insecticons fly off as the clones are devoured. The Decepticons follow suit. Spike and Bumblebee say in a way, the Morphobots saved the day, but Prime notes they can't stay on Earth.

We cut to a rocket-and hopefully some time passing and the Morphobots inside. It takes off for another planet inhabited by robotic insects. Where they found such a planet is best left to the imagination. Perceptor contacts Prime and we cut to the inside of the Ark and him being menaced by the Morphobots he was studying. "I hope there's another spaceship available-real soon!"

Thoughts
A good episode, weird in places but not bad. Morphobots... interesting. I wonder their history with the Transformers?

Also, how much food did the swarm consume?! Is there famine now, or at least food rationing? Speculate, my readers! Or at least post.

Thanks for sharing, I've been reading your reviews.

Eclipsica wrote:Thanks for sharing, I've been reading your reviews.

Thanks! Hope you've been enjoying them and getting food for thought.


And now an episode that is both confusing... and sheds some light.

The Secret of Omega Supreme

We open on the ocean and the dock-no, it's a rocket shooting up from the ocean this time! It approaches a flattop asteroid and sets down. Thrusters emerge from the nosecone and it pushes the rock to Earth. The rocket opens up and the Constructicons exit. Hook contacts Megatron at the base, who has Sideswipe standing next to him. *Gasp* And I thought Sunstreaker would be the traitor! Hook reports that ore from the asteroid will be ready in two hours. An angle change and it's now Soundwave instead of Sideswipe. Megatron has Astrotrain stand by. There's an odd five seconds or so where he just.... stands there, not moving before complying with Megatron's orders. Weird. Megatron boasts about the ore's energy capabilities. Yeah, yeah.

We cut to Cosmos approaching the asteroid and reporting back to the Ark about the energy readings. Prime tells him to maintain radio silence as he flies by. At the Ark, Cosmos reports he can divert the Constructicons while Powerglide leads an assault, but Prime is cautious. He then snaps at Cosmos and tells him to bring him some solid information. Cosmos sounds so sad when he says, "Very well, Optimus Prime," and then walks away. Aww. Powerglide asks what to do, and Prime tells him they'll sit and wait while he goes talk to Omega Supreme.

We cut to Prime driving into the forest and calling out for Omega. The ground shakes and he emerges behind Prime, probably scaring him a bit. Prime tells him about the asteroid in orbit, but Omega kinda brushes him off, I think. "Talk; premature. Disturbance; unnecessary." Prime mentions the Constructicons, apparently jabbing Oemga's berserk button. "Constructicons; enemies. Enemies; DIE!" And he stomps off. Prime tries to get him under control. "This is a military mission, Omega. Not a vendetta." Omega's response? "Results; same."

Prime asks him what happened. Omega brushes him off, but Prime won't budge. So the giant robot three times Prime's height... sits down to talk. Prime requests he speak like a 'normal Autobot' and he complies.

We cut to the past... not sure of the time as of yet. He's being given a tuneup by some medical bot, it seems. "Omega Supreme, you're as fit as any Guardian Robot I've ever examined." Said bot has a weird head.


I really hope it's the angle...

He's sent to guard Crystal City and mentions the Decepticons causing trouble. Prime somehow expresses surprise he was a Guardian Robot. Except for the coloring, he's mostly the same design as the others we've seen. He walks over to Crystal City and I gotta admit, it's a beaut.


They didn't call it the Golden Age for nothing...

Omega loved the city. We learn that back then, he was friends with the COnstructicons. They drive up... in Earth vehicle form and with Deceptibrands already in place. We also learn they built Crystal City. Scrapper transforms and greets Omega. We learn they need to do maintenance on the north wall. They chat for a hit as Megatron watches.

We learn he had a new machine, the robo smasher. Prime knew of it. "He used it to swell the ranks of the Decepticons." We see a scene of it grabbing some poor mechanoid, cutting open a hole and doing some spot reprogramming.



"Instruct me, Megatron. I exist only to serve you." Creepy... And somewhat disconcerting. It's something he'd do, but I prefer this to be a device used rather sparingly.

Also, robo smasher? odd name for a glorified hacker droid. It doesn't actually smash droids.

Back with Omega and his BFFs, they leave and he transforms into base mode. The Constructicons go to the north wall, but the door won't open and the robo smasher gets them. We cut away as Scrapper screams... Ouch. I should note his voice isn't as raspy in the flashbacks as in the present. We fade to Omega and the Constructicons driving up to him. he transforms and they tell him the 'capitol city' is under attack. They'll guard it while he goes to help against the 'attack'.

Prime susses out there was no attack. He hurries back... as Crystal City explodes in a fireball. Damn...

Back in the present, Prime and Omega are sitting amongst nature.


How many bosses would do this?

In the flashback, the Constructicons race off. There's some real good voice acting here for Omega, I'll admit. He says he tracked the Constructicons. He finds them, blows a hole in the street and some of the tumble into it. We cut to him apparently erasing the robo smasher's programming. Hook sums it up. "I-I feel sane again!" Omega's... pretty forgiving here. Most people would still blame the COnstructicons for their actions, methinks. He leads them home to perhaps rebuild Crystal City. But we see the robo smasher waiting on high. Omega moves to protect them, but Prime says that the brainwashing can't be undone. And sure enough, they transform and also merge into the first combiner-Devastator.

Devastator grabs him and shoves him against a wall for the robo smasher to get inside his head. But Omega's too strong and pries it off. The Constructicons break apart and run off, leaving behind a battered Omega. "Since then, I feel only hate for the COnstructicons." He says they fled Cybertron, and Prime deduces he followed them. "I did, for millions of years, across the galaxies." And that... *Sigh* They found Megatron was here on Earth and joined him there. Prime tells him to stay here and take no action. Omega actually salutes him.



We cut to the Decepticon base and the docking tower. Astrotrain transforms to shuttle mode and takes off for the asteroid. There, the COnstructicons are working and load him up. Cosmos sneaks over and tries to grab a chunk of ore, but tumbles off Astrotrain's side. Why he didn't grab a random chunk not loaded I don't know. But he transforms and flies off. Astrotrain does not react. Not even shouting or anything.

Back at the Ark, Cosmos slams down the chunk of rock. "Ypu wanted hard information? Here!" Prime says good work and sends Cosmos back up to monitor the situation. "Again?!" Prime has Perceptor examine the ore. We learn it's high in energy, but it's origin is unknown. He calls Omega and tells him to... knock the Constructicons off the asteroid.

The hell?! Prime,you know his mental condition! "Revenge; soon. Anticipation; high. Vengeance; GOOD!" He transforms and blasts off, taking his entire base with him! Teletraan gets the data and there's an organic nature to it. "You mean that asteroid's alive?" "Affirmative!" Oh, slag.

On the asteroid, Hook is directing the others as Omega comes into view. It's goofy seeing him with his base mode connected to his rocket! Prime contacts him to tell him to leave the asteroid alone. Get the Constructicons, but leave the asteroid alone. But it's ignored. Omega chucks a boulder at his 'old friends' and there's a firefight.

On Earth, Megatron does a test on the ore. But it simply melts.

Back at the asteroid, Omega is full-tilt nuts. "Vengeance; mine!" He punches the asteroid... and it splits in two, revealing this thing.


Yeah, I got nothing.

It flies off to Earth. Scrapper taunts Omega about it, but Omega is a wee bit focused on them. "Creature; lives. You; DIE!" At the Ark, COsmos reports the Decepticon refinery is ten miles north of a 'Mount Mackenzie'. I'm not sure of the spelling there, sorry. Although that spelling is a real location in British Columbia! Good work, writers!

Teletraan reports about the organism. Prime realizes it's an egg and the thing is gonna his San Fransisco. Prime orders the Autobots to roll out, but Teletraan also says they need Omega to get it away. The asteroid is its source of food, so it's hungry.

In San Fransisco, the Autobots ready for the attack. All... four of them. And one is Beachcomber. The insect lands and begins chewing on a building I think I should recognize. Powerglide flies by and startles it. Tracks, Ironhide and even Beachcomber shoot at ti. "Keep San Fransisco clean-leave!" This is a very quotable episode.

Their blasts do nothing to it and it fires lasers from its tail. Smokescreen shows up outta nowhere and tries a smokescreen, and it flies off. Powerglide is shot at and hit. Ironhide notes they can only keep it from landing.

In some snowy locale, Scrapper, Hook and Bonecrusher land. "What if we all just split up?" "Then he'd hunt us down one at a time." "Then I say we unite!" And they combine into Devastator, who punches Omega's rocket. Smooth. Omega lands transforms to robot mode. They tango, Devastator knocked aside. Omega buries him. "Vengeance; MINE!" Prime suddenly shows up and tells Omega he's got to help with the creature. Devastator splits apart and flies off. Omega goes after them, but Prime blocks his path. "Prime; move!"

Prime shows why he's the Matrix Bearer by standing in Omega's path and not budging, even when Omega taps him with his cannon arm. "Are you going to let it all happen again for something as useless as revenge?" Omega follows his advice.

At the Decepticon refinery, Megatron learns of the creature and that the asteroid is its food. He asks Hook how long to turn it into a long-range blaster. He'll blow the asteroid out of the sky and the creature will rampage!

We cut back to San Fransisco and the fight. Beachcomber and Tracks are fighting the creature, Beachcomber being a dippie. "Remember we're all one with the universe!" Tracks has a good response. "We're about to become one with the pavement, duck!" The creature swoops down, but Omega intercepts it and chucks a water tower at it. He transforms and leads it into space, but the screen shrinks into a telescope vision. Rather clever!

Megatron readies the cannon to blow up the asteroid and Omega but Prime blows up the controls. Megatron calls for him to be destroyed, but nope. "I've got a better idea-save you own skins!" And Prime single-handedly takes out the base.

You do not mess with G1 animated Optimus Prime. EVER.

In space, Omega lures the creature to the asteroid. It eats it and flies off.

In San Fransisco, Prime and Omega stand on the Golden Gate Bridge. I'm guessing traffic was diverted for a moment for this tender moment. He thanks Omega for saving the city. "Duty; ignored. Duty; fuflfilled." Prime... grabs his cannon arm. "You're as good as they come. "Compliment; appreciated."

"I know that what the COnstructicons did back on Cybertron changed you, took away your feelings. But perhaps someday you'll see that there are more important things in life than revenge."

"Possibility; growing."



That is some heavy stuff for a kids cartoon.

Thoughts

This was a very great, nigh-awesome episode. The themes of betrayal, revenge, and duty. Omega got very deep here.

A few things of note:

1; The robo smasher. I don't mind it too much. Makes sense for this Megatron to use something like it, too. He doesn'tcare about his cannon fodder, as we've seen time and time again. I just don't want it to be a big method of conscription for him.

And now the biggie... the COnstructicon's origin story.

There are three origins in the cartoon.

1. In 'Heavy Metal War', they were 'built in these caverns'.

2. Here, alive millions of years ago.

3. And in Five Faces of Darkness part four, we see this image.



Is it possible to reconcile these? Here's my take on it.

First, throw that picture out. What almost everyone fails to remember is that image isn't from some historical datatrax or record. It's from a VISION given by the Matrix. It's not necessarily a literal translation of events! It's like idiotspeople who think Delta Vega was close enough for Spock to look up and see Vulcan implode like that! *Headdesk*

The first Matrix vision Rodimus received in that miniseries was completely metaphorical! This image means nothing!

So, the other two. Well, in 'The Master Builders', Scrapper says he expressed admiration for Grapple's work on Cybertron. Also, they weren't affected by cybertonium depletion in 'Desertion of the DInobots'. So, my theory?

They simply got new bodies on Earth and everything in Omega's story happened.

Also, Optimus kicked about ninety-seven kinds of skidplate in this episode and showed why he's awesome.

Okay, time for... this thing. Less annoying than Wheelie's speech but still up there.

Kremzeek!
And the exclamation point's in the title.

We open on Megatron standing in front of some arcing electricity. We see a wicked closeup of his eye and the electricity in reflection. Starscream barges walks in and complains. "Are't you finished, yet? We need those electrodes for the energy magnet!" Okay, good way to wind exposition into their usual bickering. The electrodes turn off... and this skidmark appears.


Fasten your seatbelts, folks. This is gonna be 'wacky'.

He bounces around, electrical crackling following his every move and becoming very annoying very quickly. Anything electrical he touches gets shorted out. He burrows into a computer and it shorts out. Soundwave reports it as his own monitor goes blank.

Megatron just wuves tha' cute widdle pet and puts out his finger. Kremzeek doesn not short him out. "You will be my ultimate weapon against the Autobots." Dude, you used the space bridge to bring Cybertron into Earth orbit! He gets a box and puts Kremzeek into it. "This circuit trap should hold him for a while." Thrust flies him to the Ark and the box is dropped into the entrance. It shakes. Teletraan-One detects it and tells Prime. The box explodes and Kremzeek leaps into the camera, then exits via Teletraan's screen. Okay, that makes sense. It's an energy being traveling along power lines and such.

It begins shorting out Autobots. Jazz is the first, unfortunately not voiced by Scatman. Smokescreen is frightened as Sparkplug... tries to grab onto the living bolt of lightning. He's shocked. "Boy, never fool around with electricity!" he says with the worst lip movements I think I've seen in a long time. He gets an idea. Smokescreen... holds up a wooden table to block Kremzeek. Where did he get an Autobot-sized wooden table from?!

Ratchet and others-including Jazz-walk in as Smokescreen shorts out. We cut to Prime as the Autobots are taken out. Sparkplug runs up and sprays him down an insulating compound. Prime thinks it's a joke at first. "What joke? I'm saving yah!" Ah, this is why I love the G1 humans! He opens the door and Kremzeek tries to infect Prime, but he simply bounces off. Prime tries to grab him, but he slips out. Most of the other Autobots are shorted out, but they insulate Bumblebee, Blaster and Inferno.

Prime has them spread out to search the Ark. For once, this makes sense since it can't hurt them. Bumblebee wonders where it came from. Inferno thinks it's Megatron. They hear it and find it in... some sort of lab. The equipment blows up, and they realize the only thing not fried is Teletraan. They go to the computer, but it's too late. And we get... two funny lines.

"Alert! Alert! Evil Martian flangoes have invaded supermarkets across the planet. They have come to steal Earth's ammonia."

We cut to a military base receiving the signal. "What in the world?"

"Choco rations down 2 grams! Doubleplusungood!"

An officer asks where it's coming from and they tell him it's on the Autobot wavelength. Ah, ha! The Autobots have a channel for military use! Very interesting...

Back at the Ark, Kremzeek jumps into the screen... and seems to have went there. Point for Bumblebee's disbelief, at least. Sparkplug theorizes it rode Sky Spy's transmission beams to wherever it ended up. Okay, for Transformers, not bad. Prime asks where, and Bumblebee thinks Japan. According to the image, I have no idea how he figured that.

Omega Supreme approaches and transforms into rocket mode. Sparkplug stays behind to start repairs... and I just realized none of the Autobots not shorted out are exactly known for their mechanical skills. Oh, slag.

At the Decepticon base, Soundwave reports all transmissions from the Ark have ceased.Megatron, instead of deciding to go there and melt them into neat stacks of ingots, readies his 'energy magnet'. We fade to Japan and an elderly fisherman as Omega Supreme lands. Kremzeek emerges from the sand, but still can't infect the other Autobots. Prime suddenly realizes Omega's not protected and he orders him to take off. But Kremzeek gets him and Omega crashes. Bumblebee tells him they'll get him fixed.

A bullet train sounds its horn and Kremzeek hears it. "Choo choo!" And I now hate this episode. It bounces over and the train speeds up. Inferno speaks for all of us. "That guy's starting to get on my nerves!" The train does some... wiggling. Didn't we see this in Highlander II?

Prime transforms and they all grab on. He gets onto the tracks in pursuit. Blaster asks a question. "Yo, Prime! What do we do when we catch that weirdo?"

"We'll worry about that when we catch him!"

"You mean you don't have a plan?!"

"Who's had time to think of a plan?" Okay, funny exchange. I'll give it that. He accelerates. Kremzeek is bouncing around as the conductor is getting antsy. The train begins defying even TF physics in its movements as Bumblebee calls out, "Faster Prime, faster!" And then the caboose comes into view... "Slower, Prime! Slower!" He hist the brakes, they're tossed out and he hits the back of the train. Considering how durable he is.. he should've gone through it like tissue paper. The Autobots leap back on in pursuit.

We cut to the an odd tower emerging from the ocean topped by a porcupine ball. Starscream reports, "Seascraper in position." I'm guessing it's attached to the Decepticon base. The energy magnet's fully operational too.

Back at Japan, the train pulls into a station. Prime rams the back of the train. "Ouch!" The Autobots tumble off and he transforms. Kremzeek elaves the train, chased by the conductor who bumps into an older woman in a kimono. She hits him in the head and speaks... possibly Japanese? i have no idea. Kremzeek leaps into a walkman. And I should note the Autobots are aren't really attracting much attention until they start running. He exits and finds a video arcade. Remember those, kids?

Strangely enough, the Autobots fit inside the arcade just fine. They track him down to Shibuya Manufacturing. Prime sums it up. "Talk about a bull in a china shop." Inside TVs are being built, but Kremzeek begins blowing **** up. The Autobots-again-fit inside a human building. Although to be fair, this is a manufacturing plant. A human in a lab coat named Doctor Sōji Yoshikawa comes down a set of stairs, bowing to the Autobots and recognizing them by sight. That actually makes me smile a bit. He's the chief engineer of the plant. "Very honored... you did this?!"

Prime explains what's going on as a robc arm starts smashing TV sets. "There's a creature made of pure energy in there." Soji-again-speaks for all of us. "You crazy?" Blaster pulls his laser rifle and shoots the arm. "Look, it's real simple!" Soji wonders if radio waves will affect him, and Blaster steps forward. He opens his cassette door-by the side and Soji turns some dials. Kremzeek is pulled into Blaster-wait isn't he insulated? Know what? I don't care at the point. He transforms and spins around, and tries to fry Kremzeek with his own power. Soji approves. "Good thinking!" Then changes his mind. "Bad thinking!" And he turns off Blaster. Blaster asks why, and as it turns out... he only fed Kremzeek. And a shitload of them bounce out of Blaster.

Prime makes a funny. "Oh, here comes that sinking feeling."

We cut to outside, I presume Tokyo, but it's never specified. It's evening-I like the passage of time-as traffic lights explode and cars slam into each other. Electronic billboards explode. Prime asks Soji-calling him 'Yoshikawa-san'-if they can somehow be united. Soji says perhaps, but doesn't know how. Prime decides to go to the nearest power station.

At the energy magnet, it's switched on and power from some passing warships is drained. I have a feeling they were dispatched to investigate the tower. Okay, this is a good plan.

Back at Japan, the Autobots are at a power plant, tying cables around a large radio tower. Soji flips a switch and it's electrified. "There' if that doesn't get their attention, nothing will." Back at the city, the Kremzeeks begin leaving and heading to the tower. They begin uniting... and growing larger. Prime oils himself as the giant Kremzeek demolishes the tower and we have a kaiju on the loose! We see an advert for a Godzilla-like movie called 'Hojoni' and whoa!


Lookit the lower right hand corner!

Prime wonders if they can force it out of the city. Inferno fires some foam and we have a reenactment of the last scenes of Ghostbusters.



At the more interesting B-plot, Megatron prepares another test. Starscream becomes impatient and turns up the power. "Tests, tests tests! Let's light this candle!" Kremzeek turns away and the Autobots try to follow, but they begin getting low on power. The city goes dark. Prime gets an idea. "Suddenly, this makes sense." No, Prime. No it doesn't.

He realizes Kremzeek was a distraction. Blaster somehow homes in and the magnet's 200 miles offhsore. Huh, not attached to the Decepticon base. Blaster comes up with the idea of zapping Kremzeek to the energy magnet with... the Tokyo Tower?


Or at least a reasonable facsimile.

Prime praises Blaster. We cut to Kremzeek walking along, empty. Bumblebee buzzes by, leading him to the Tower. Kremzeek approaches and the Tower's turned on, zapping Kremzeek and transmitting the little bugger to the energy magnet.

There, Megatron is gloating out of sync with his movements. "And soon nothing can stop me!" oh you should know by now never to utter those words! Kremzeek shoots across the water and hits the tower. The Decepticons retreat as the power comes back on. I... guess the drain was stopped or something?

We cut to a boat exiting the harbor with the Autobots onboard. Soji declares, "Ye it can be done."



Blasster asks what can be done. Soji explains that while energy can't be destroyed, it can be dispersed. Hey, that's pretty smart! Bumblebee says... he's kinda cute. Prime and Inferno say he's too dangerous. "He doesn't belong in this world." Prime aims a cannon and covers his eyes as he goes to push the button.



Bumblebee turns as a beam is fired and Kremzeek is dispersed. Back at Omega, Soji says he'll help with Omega. Inferno's glad Kremzeek is gone. Blaster misses him a bit, and he spasms as a new Kremzeek leaps out and causes chaos. The Autobots race after him. Hah, Tokyo will be in ruins and it's... no. It's not.

Thoughts
Wow. I almost wish I drank alcohol after this one. yes, there are some funny moments. But overall there's shoddy animation. Kremzeek is annoying and has a grating voice. And seriously, ultimate weapon?!

I liked Soji, though. Smart, spoke good English. Kept up with the Autobots. Man, so many one-shot humans I'd kill to see more of.

Topic of conversation
What one-shot humans would you have liked to see more of in the series?