Seibertron.com Energon Pub Forums

And now for an episode that is somewhat... inevitable, almost.

Desertion of the Dinobots part one
The Dinobots, rebelling? Nawh!

We open with a two-cockpit fighter flying through the air. I... never got this variation of the design. Back-to-back, yes. But like this?



It does some rather impressive maneuvers as Autobots and its builder, a Professor Green, look on. "The Autobots have saved this planet from the Decepticons plenty of times. Now we might be able to return the favor."

Ladies and gentlemen, someone with more brains than the collective population of Central City!

We cut to Ironhide and... Soundwave inside him in tape deck mode.


Spike Witwicky has just been absolved of his actions in episode two. He ejects Ravage, but Blaster-right next to him-partially transforms and grabs his tail. He fully transforms and pulls Ravage inside Ironhide, knocking Soundwave out who transforms.

Okay, I'll make the joke. "Rage inside the Machine!" Happy, now?

Soundwave flies off as we pan over to Starscream and Megatron. He lands and reports the completion of the plane. Starscream boasts he'll blast it, but Megatron stops him and hands him a bomb to use. "Since when has discretion mattered to us? Perhaps you're getting weak, Megatron." but he transforms and flies off.

Blaster and Ravage are shaken out as Ironhide transforms and finally cottons to what's going on. We cut to the Ultra Plane-as it's called-as Starscream flies over about two meters from it and drops the bomb onto it. And no one on ground noticed that? Ironhide ran up to them as the plane exploded, reporting the 'Con activity. Prime decides to inspect the wreckage. They roll for it!

Megatron stands on a hill overlooking them and shouts, "Now, while they're distracted!"... and we cut to a rather impressive building at EJK. Inside, the Decepticons storm it for the plane's blueprints. "Surrender the fighter blueprints and we will not hurt you." Starscream takes the direct approach. "No reason to be soft with the flesh creatures!" He runs over and grabs a scientist. "Give us the plans or be vaporized!" Methinks Starscream's squeezing a bit too hard, too, as he's grimacing in pain.

He gives up the plans and points to a vault. Soundwave extends a probe and scans. "Six feet of tungsten steel." Megatron readies his cannon, but the Autobots show up! Jazz transforms and activates his light show, Blaster approving. Mirage cloaks and, while the Decepticons are distracted, grabs Megatron's fusion cannon! Megatron grabs it back and there's a brief tussle.

Outside... Megatron is signaling for a retreat. Soundwave and Starscream follow as we learn it's a very clever holographic ruse by Hound. Okay, that was good. In the background, Mirage and Megatron continue to fight, Mirage putting up a bit of a fight before Prime leaps into the fray and literally punting Megatron through a wall. He flees while Jazz snarks. "Now that is a sight I never get tired of."

We cut to the Fun A Rama Amusement park where Bumblebee is with Carly and Spike. They're in a teacup ride and Bumblebee is a bit... perplexed. "This is supposed to be fun?" Carly opens his chest panel up and switches off his equilibrium circuits.


Something about her...

Later on, they're driving to an airport to pick up Sparkplug. This is... I like this, for some reason. Good to see the humans not entirely engaged in Great War activity. Having a life outside the Ark, so to speak. Inside we see Sparkplug in a suit.


Always did wonder what the trip was for. Korean War Reunion?

Outside, two rather familiar-looking jets are taxiing on the runway. Spike spots them and he and Bumblebee go to check it out. We see inside a hangar it's Thundercracker and Thrust. Bumblebee, having a moment of intelligence, contacts Prime for backup. They're too far away, so Prime contacts the Ark.

Unfortunately, the Ark's understaffed too. So Prime tells him to send the Dinobots. Wheeljack opens up the closet they're in... which in my fanon has been seriously pimped out and they play DnD games inside. I don't know why, either. The Dinobots are their usual selves.

"Me Grimlock no like orders!"

"Me Slag no like anything!"

"We really need your help! Why won't you give us a hand?"

"Don't know why not, so we help. This time." It's like James Dean, except with giant dinosaur robots... Wheeljack laments. "I've got to work on their personality circuits!"

At the airport-which is never given a name-the Dinobots, bless their Sparks, try to hide behind a jumbo jet. Bumblebee points out where they are and Sludge says, "We fix!" Grimlock runs forward and signals them to transform and attack. Inside, Megatron and Starscream are bickering when Snarl pushes through the hangar doors like wet tissue paper. "So much for your secret hideout, Megatron! Even the moronic Dinobots found it!" Starscream fires, for all the good it does. Slag vaporizes his arm cannon with a single blast of his fire-breath.

Outside, Blitzwing find Bumblebee. He transforms into tank mode and prepares to blow Bumblebee's head off, but Sludge knocks him offtarget and kicks him into the side of the hangar. Inside, the Decepticons are rather quickly routed with but a few swipes of Snarl's tail. Thundercracker and Thrust run out and strafe Grimlock, but Swoop flies over and nails both with bombs. They crash into the hangar, which explodes.

This... must be one of the more humiliating days for Megatron at this point.

He emerges from the rubble and i think something inside his neural net has snapped as he shouts, "Decepticons... CHARGE!" It's... god it's pathetic as the Dinobots whallop them. And mostly just stand still while doing it.


Again, I shall leave it up to everyone else to fill in the caption. Suffice it to say, he tosses Megatron into the airport terminal.

The humans cheer as the Dinobots transform back to robot mode. "Me, Grimlock, greatest warrior!" Megatron shouts out to Skywarp-who was absent during the battle-to fire, as they're vulnerable in robot mode. They fire and nail an oil tanker, which explodes and sets off a chain reaction that destroys several jumbo jets and knocks the Dinobots out.

Oh, and Spike, Carly, Bumblebee and Sparkplug are all right.

The Dinobots land in a battered heap as Megatron gloats, leading the Decepticons away. Red Alert, Inferno and Grapple pull up a few seconds later, Red Alert sadly paranoid. Inferno douses the flames while Grapple begins getting the Dinobots together and placing them on a plane. He tows it back to the Ark.

We cut to the Ark at night, and according to Jazz, six hours later with no results. Inside, Ratchet, Wheeljack and Hoist are working, Ratchet getting a feedback shock. "We'd have a better chance if we didn't have to work with these primitive tools!" Hoist pounds out some dents. "The tools on Cybertron were vastly superior."

Mirage calls up a picture of their home. "Everything was better on Cybertron. I still feel a power surge when I think about home."

It's kinda melancholy, and reminds us humans that, for all their trying to fit in-sometimes forcefully-they're still refugees far from home. Very sad, actually.

Back at the airport and the next day, Ironhide, Powerglide and Grapple begin work on repairing the damage from yesterday's battle. Grapple loads up Powerglide with bricks, who basically strafes them into position while Ironhide lays down cement. Clever! Graplle puts the roof on while Prime directs. Grapple scoffs. lowers the roof and... the building collapses. He transforms and is aghast. Foreshadowing?

We cut to the Decepticons flying. Ravage suddenly ejects and lands on the ground. Soundwave has no explanation, either. They all suddenly just fall out of the sky. Even Blitzwing. Rumble suddenly just starts bashing Megatron for no reason.

At the Ark, the Dinobots are put through tests. Swoop transforms correctly and they're all set. Prime contacts them and tells the Dinobots to move out as the Decepticons are on the rampage somewhere. Grimlock finally says no. "No! Dinobots no go. Me, Grimlock, no take orders. Never!"

Slag agrees. "Yes, yes no! Me Slag agree!" "Me Swoop no listen to Optimus Prime. Grimlock our leader!" They transform and just storm out. We cut to a power plant as Megatron has decided that 'bad energon' disrupted their systems. The Autobots roll up and transform for action! Well, except Jazz, who's stuck. Ironhide kicks him and he transforms. "Ow! Thanks, I think."

Megatron points at them, but his vocal circuits crap out. Starscream... three guesses as to what he does. He transforms, takes off-and crashes into a stack of energon cubes. Ironhide tries for liquid nitrogen, but his hand doesntr retract and he freezes over. Mirage thinks he can still become invisible, which leads to a rather hilarious scene of him running at Thundercracker and getting blasted. "Now how did he know I was there?"

Soundwave ejects Ravage, who ejects and tackles Prime into a group of oil barrels. But Ravage suddenly transforms back to tape mode. Prime picks him up and drops him into a barrel. "Thanks for transforming!" Jazz tries his light show but it shorts. Blitzwing shoots at him and collapses the ground around him, but can't stop and the ground collapses around him, but Blitzwing can't stop and rolls into the hole along with Jazz.

The fighting grounds to a halt as Megatron fires, collapsing an electrical tower around Prime. He transforms into gun mode and Starscream takes him, walking up to Prime. "I never miss at this range!" But it's all for naught as Megatron suddenly seizes up and Starscream tumbles to the ground. Megatron transforms and calls for a retreat. The Decepticons... try to fly, but are reduced to running away.

At the Ark, the Autobots are in a sorry state. Sparkplug tries his best, but he can do little. Prime rolls in and asks Perceptor what the cause is. An element known as cybertonium has depleted in their bodies. Prime says they'll simply replace it, but it's only on Cybertron. And only way to get there is the space bridge.

Spike and Carly run in with some rather convenient news. Shockwave's sending some cybertonium over the space bridge. Powerglide-holding his severed head-laments he can't get there. After some thinking, Carly realizes the Dinobots were built on Earth and don't have cybertonium in their bodies. So they're still at full strength. Teletraan-One locates them at 40 miles away. Carly tosses Sparkplug her car keys. "I've been riding with the Autobots for so long now I hope I still know how to drive."

We cut to them tooling down the desert and almost running into Grimlock's foot. Sparkplug lays it on thick. "Grimlock, we need your brilliant help!" Swoop flies down and saves them from being stepped on. Sparkplug continues, but Grimlock doesn't care. Spike tells them about the cybertronium, which Grimlock parses to be from Cybertron and he just decides to do it.

Considering the Dinobots... that made perfect sense to me.

Slag doesn't want to, but Grimlock says to do it.

We cut to a space bridge and... the COnstructicons loading the cybertronium that's arrived. Oh, there's that sinking feeling... The Dinobots charge, batting the Constructicons away. They transform into Devastator, but Scavenger is knocked aside before he can form the right arm and the Dinobots rush the space bridge. It closes and teleports them to Cybertron.

On Cybertron, the space bridge opens up and the Dinobots kicks Shockwave's skidplate.

At the Ark, Sparkplug contacts the Dinobots on Cybertron. he tells them to come back, but Grimlock says no and cuts the link. Carly decides the humans have to go there and get more cybertonium. Spike points out Prime won't let them. Carly points out he can't stop them, either. They run over to him as he's leaning against a console. "It's too... risky." And he falls over, nearly flattening them.

We cut to Spike and Carly in Carly's car. Sparkplug gives him a two-way communication device that fits over his thumb. "I feel kinda stupid talking into my thumb." Sparkplug hugs his son and I get warm inside.

Devastator is now fully assembled and standing guard at the space bridge. Carly guns it and deflects off Devastator's left foot-right into the space bridge. It closes and sends them to Cybertron. There, Shockwave is ready. As the door opens he fires...

Thoughts
A very good episode, here. Action-packed, melancholy too in places. And who didn't see the Dinobots leaving a mile away?

Also solves one problem-where did the season-two Autobots come from? They were in the Ark, as crew! As for the Constructicons... yeah.

And now, thew thrilling conclusion!

Desertion of the Dinobots part two!
The space bridge door opens on Cybertron. In the last episode, Shockwave fires and there's an explosion. This time it opens and he fires-but the car is vaporized. Carly's reaction is priceless. "That was my car, not an Autobot! Decepticreep!" Spike, having had encounters with Shockwave and about a year and a half experience with Decepticons in general, grabs her and the two run off.

Shockwave stands there for a moment-which kinda makes sense. He probably doesn't consider humans much of a threat and he might not be fast enough to track them like this. Shockwave vaporizes some computer equipment. Rather stupid of him to do, to be blunt. They hide behind a drone. "He won't blast one of his own robots." And cue... Shockwave blasting one of his own robots.

They duck into a vent and Shockwave is angry. "Miserable glitches!" Carly realizes he didn't fire and they realize they're in a sensitive part of the room. We pan back and see they're at the edge of a circular ramp leading down to a pool of energy. Carly touches a wall and gets a shock. She realizes they're inside the master computer. Spike tries to contact Teletraan-One. It works!

At the Ark, he comes through. The Autobots are... in a sorry state. Sparkplug picks up and the monitor shows a simulated picture of the environs.


Hurray! An improbable camera viewpoint that makes sense!

They're in the computer running, "most of what is still functioning up there." Powerful words, there. And down below is the power source. Carly peels open a panel to try to hack the space bridge. Gutsy! I doubt even Chip could manage that. Unfortunately there's a power flow into that panel. It hits her and she tumbles to the edge of the pit, sliding halfway down. Uh, oh! Sparks start flying and everything goes black.

There's a sudden light and Carly has a near-coronary. Turns out Spike's got a 'photon light'. Exact dialogue, folks. Why he didn't call it a 'flashlight', we'll never know. "Brighter than any flashlight on Earth." Damn... Carly tries to stand, but she twisted her ankle. Spike slides down, but as Carly points out, he can't get back up! Sparkplug contacts them and tells them of a way out at the bottom. And sure enough, there's a ladder there too! Kind of oversized for the humans, too.

They climb down and exit into a room filled with energon cubes. "Where did these energon cubes come from? I thought the planet was all out of energy!" And my theory of Megatron playing the long game has been confirmed! Sparkplug tells them to leave it.

Back to Shockwave, he contacts Megatron, who demands more cybertonium. He's also lying on the ground. Shockwave tells him the computer has to be repaired and the humans escaped. megatron threatens to have him reprogrammed to do maintenance! Oh, no! A geeky assignment! He dispatched a sentinel to take care of them.

Back with Spike and Carly, the sentinel drone rolls along.


Hmm, early ROTF design there? Spike helps Carly along to a door, where there's a control panel at their height. The hell? Spike holds the door open. A door that should've crushed him into paste and he holds it open. He closes it and it smashes the sentinel's cranium. Nice!

Sparkplug tells them he'll direct them to Wheeljack's old lab, where there's cybertonium. I love Wheeljack's old lab. Also, Carly's limp has disappeared. It's suddenly back and Spike just scoops her up into his arms. He's probably been waiting to do that for a long time, too. Carly's in awe of the planet. And we see some cool pans across their alien architecture. "How could they have ever left this?" She suddenly spots a shadow.

They get to the door and Carly opens it up. Maybe got the code from Chip? There's some thumping. Spike goes and gets a blaster about twice his size as the roof collapses and is peeled away! Spike gets a shot off, but it's Swoop! He tells them what happened. "When us Dinobots come, us capture Decepticon. Guards come. Big fight!" There's a flashback to the Dinobots fighting Decepticon sentinel drones, but being surrounded. "Soon other DInobots captured, but me get away." We see Iacon during the flashback for some reason, too.

Spike contacts Sparkplug to for directions to the cybertonium pits. Spike realizes Carly's not limping. Quick resolution to a pointless plot point! We cut to the three walking along. Carly is, naturally, in awe. "The more I see of this planet, the more I like it!" Then they come upon a set of Transformer-sized stairs and Spike's leg muscles seize up. "The more I see of it, the more tired I get!" Makes some sense. He's been around Autobot technology for a bit and has been here before. And last time was to save his father from being a slave.

Swoop shows he's the nicest Dinobot by picking them up and carrying them to a mass-transit system. It's a set of cars inside a glass tube similar to the ones we saw in the pilot. I love this show! The coordinates are 354 zeta alpha mark seven. Swoop inputs them, and I am now worried. "Everything is so huge!" Carly... I'm sorry, but really? The car stops and rotates the nose up... and then goes down. Carly and Spike get bad motion sickness while Swoop tries to be sympathetic. "Me glad me not have stomach to leave!"

The car stops, rotates again and continues on. It finally stops. Turns out the tube is blocked. They exit and Spike tries Sparkplug. No go, though. "I guess we're too deep in the planet to communicate." Swoop walks and they follow. Eventually they wander into a room filled with old robots.


Just... so cool to see these. Carly does some hypothesizing. "These must be the primitive ancestors of the Autobots! They've sure evolved over the eons." One shot of Swoop looking at them. SO... poignant to me, for some reason. They do more walking, but a blade comes out of nowhere and nicks Swoop's wing! It's an old defense system, apparently. Carly says not to activate anymore, and Spike points out they don't know how they activated that one! And as they talk, they walk past a sensor. Walls come down and begin squeezing them in. Fortunately, Swoop simply holds out his arms and punctures the walls. "Metal of good old days not so good!"

We need a Classics-style Swoop. NOW.

Missiles come out of nowhere. They duck and let them pass overhead, but they turn and double back. Spike thinks they're new, but... Swoop realizes they're the same missiles. He transforms and grabs them, taking off. Somehow the two humans manage to hang on as he does some major acrobatics. Unfortunately, the damage he got earlier in his wing is exacerbated and we see the tear widening. He's crying out in pain and drops Spike and Carly before crashing. Somehow they're not reduced to paste...

Swoop suddenly remembers he can transform. He does and fires missiles from his shoulder at the other missiles, taking them out. We cut to them coming upon an underground city. "I wonder what this place used to be." Oh... ouch. Carly finds a viewing room. And we get a short history lesson of the Great War.

An arm comes out and grabs a rather large disc. "Millions of years ago, Cybertron was a planet of peace." We see shots of vehicles, buildings, mass-transit systems. I assume those are driven vehicles, too. "Until the Decepticons, lusting for power, began a terrible war." And we see ancient Decepticons landing and starting to shoot. And orange robot gets blown in two! "Not designed for combat, the Autobots were overwhelmed and subjugated by their evil opponents." We see a shot of Ark-like starships taking off. "While many Autobots fled Cybertron, a few valiant survivors devised new tactics and launched a counteroffensive on their arch-foes. And thus began a terrible series of wars. Many times, both sides have claimed victory. But this has been short-lived. For the Autobots have overthrown Decepticon tyrants, and likewise, Decepticon treachery has toppled many a peaceful Autobot ruler."

"And to this day, the war rages on."

From what I can remember, none of that is contradicted in later episodes. And it's so... sad, too. That this civilization can come to it.

A wall suddenly explodes and Decepticon sentinels roll in, capturing the trio! For some reason, I'm rather glad the information discs were unharmed. Shockwave has them taken to the cybertonium pits. They're taken to a literal dirt pit. What that says about Cybertronian geology is best left unsaid-for now. There are guards and an electric fence surrounding the pit, with the Dinobots inside working.

Spike tries Sparkplug, but no go. He then tries Grimlock, but to quote Ironhide from Changing Gears, "You-you made him nice!" Grimlock's voice is low and without the harsh edge. "Me Grimlock cannot transform." They don't want to leave. Carly opens up Snarl's chest and somehow figures out their memory circuits have been bypassed. This... has precedent, actually. Bumblebee's memory circuits are in his chest, too. Spike asks if she can fix them. She pats him on the cheek and his blood pressure skyrockets. "Can an Autobot roll?"

She tinkers around as Spike and Swoop play-work. Swoop is grateful. "Me want to thank Carly for fixing Dinobots." "Me Sludge thank you, too." Snarl chimes in as well. "Me thank you, too." And Sludge finishes it. "Too, too." "Me Grimlock guess helping others okay." And... we have a breakthrough!" Spike has an idea for a plan and we have a huddle.



Grimlock and Spike suddenly start arguing. The Decepticons see it and contact Shockwave. Shockwave says to remove the humans and the fence is brought down. The Decepticons transform and rampage, destroying the sentinels and making a break for it. Grimlock remembers how to get out and they come to another transit tube. "But there's no car!" "Grimlock need no car!" And he scoops them up and enters.

At the Ark, Teletraan-One has somehow linked with the space bridge and directed it to near the Ark. They float up to Decepticon headquarters and Shockwave. There's a shipment of cybertonium there, too! There's a somewhat funny moment as Shockwave simply doesn't realize the Dinobots have arrived before turning and shouting, "Intruders!"

Swoop knocks him over and they rush the space bridge chamber. It's... that short. Down at Earth, there's a space bridge terminal next to the Ark. Spike and Carly are sitting pretty on a stack of cybertonium. They leap off and there's a group hug with Sparkplug. The Dinobots roar in triumph.

Later, Optimus is presenting medals to Spike and Carly, declaring them honorary Autobots. Carly is... less than enthused.


Considering what happened, can you blame her?

She kisses Spike and he babbles. Literally. It's cute!

Prime turns to the Dinobots. "As for you Dinobots... hehehe, excellent job."


If they got more of that I think they'd be less rebellious...

Slag: "Even though Dinobots not like it..."

Snarl: "We tkae orders from you, now."

Grimlock. "Until next time me Grimlock no feel like it."

Thoughts
This episode was awesome![/nineties_kid] Seriously, some great action. The scenes on Cybertron were amazing, too. So cool to see it like this!

Also... seems like Megatron's been doing some energon-stealing and shipping offscreen, there. I always figured while he was disctracting the Autobots with his 'schemes of the week', the Decepticons we don't see were raiding other power plants and shipping the cubes to Cybertron.

And that history... just makes me so sad, sometimes.

And now for a blatant attempt to generate discussion. I'm no expert in Cybertronian technology, or even a good guesser. So what's everyone's guesses on what cybertonium does for them?

And now for an episode starring... Jazz-lite, basically.

Blaster Blues
... What? Unlike Jazz, this guy could be damned annoying.

We open on a rock concert. Cold Slither is playing, I think. In the crowd is Carly-yay!-, Spike and Blaster, who in tape deck mode takes up an entire seat. Think he paid for a ticket? They love it and Spike laments the other Autobots can't hear it. "They don't gotta be." Blaster begins broadcasting the concert through Autobot signals. Cosmos hears it and loves it. Or probably just loves being noticed. "All right!" He also begins spazzing out in space.

At the Ark, we get our first glimpse of Omega Supreme. Prime is at Teletraan-One with Sparkplug, observing him on the monitor as he gets ready for target practice. Omega says he's ready, but then Blaster's music comes over the comm channel. Prime sums it up best. "My audio receptors! What is that noise?" Hoist fills him in. "Humans call is music." And Sparkplug shows his age. "Not this human!" Jazz gets down and funky. "Sounds all right to me!"

We cut to Haley Observatory.


Pretty well-equipped, there. And some guy speaking. "The Earth is but a speck on the arm of the universe." Okay, for an 80's cartoon, that is deep. Inside is an astronomer. "There must be intelligent life out there, waiting as we are to be contacted."

Dude... just drive to Oregon, or the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Plenty of intelligent non-terrestrial life to contact!

He has a device called a voltronic galaxer, which will turn his voice into 'pulsations' and transmit them into space. he speaks... and the Decepticons roar into view. Megatron speaks. "We appreciate your hospitality, Professor." And for some reason he doesn't recognize the voice. Starscream fires and blows open the roof. Megatron chews him out for his recklessness. The Professor calls for Autobot assistance as Starscream fires again. This time the plea is more succinct. "HELP!"

At the Ark, all of the Autobots except Jazz are in pain. "Blaster, decrease volume! Blaster... SHUT UP!." Optimus Prime, ladies and gentlemen... The distress call comes in, but they don't know where it came from. "All I can hear is that blasted Blaster!" They get the location and they transform and roll out. Blaster... is not apologetic at all for blocking comm lines.

At the observatory, the Professor is trying to stop the Decepticons, with predictable results. "Get off before you lose more than your machine!" Megatron picks the galaxer up and the Professor goes tumbling. The Decepticons leave and we have Astrotrain's first appearance on a train track as Megatron places the galaxer inside him. He rolls along, enters a tunnel and emerges as a space shuttle, flying into space.

We cut to the Autobots finally arriving at the still-smoking observatory. The Professor tells them they're too late. Prime wonders what they'd want with it. He promises they'll get it back for him. They drive off, and we cut to the Ark. There, Prime contacts several teams out in the field.

First is Huffer and Tracks, standing on top of buildings somewhere. Nothing from them. Prime then contacts Powerglide and Spike. They're circling over some city. Carly's there, too. And according to her, they've been halfway around the hemisphere. Cosmos is flying around space with Blaster aboard. "I can't even get a bottom 40 station out here!! Cosmos sums up my feelings. "Quit complaining." Blaster transforms and mans a periscope-like sensor, homing in on the Moon. He unfortunately misses the ruins of the moon Kingdom but spots a Decepticon base set up there.

Inside, Megatron is working. Cosmos switches off his engines... which makes no sense. What, the noise? And if he wanted to save fuel, he should've done that earlier. He lands as Megatron exposits that the galaxer will jam the airwaves. He suddenly spots Cosmos outside and radios Astrotrain. Cosmos takes off, but it's no good. COsmos scores several clean hits on Astrotrain, but they literally glance off his armor. Astrotrain maneuvers and snares the little green saucer in a tractor beam. "Cant you do anything?" "Not anymore!"

Inside the base, Megatron beats up on Blaster before shoving him to the wall and having Astrotrain literally weld him there. "He will make an excellent trans-scrambler!" We also see COsmos mounted to the wall ."And this otherwise useless piece of scrap will serve as a power booster." Taking lessons from Scrapper, it seems.

The machinery inside powers up and we get a rather crazy light show as electricity arcs around and envelopes Earth itself!

At an airport, planes are landing and receiving instructions, but static fills the airwaves! Two jumbo jets almost collide and there's a near-collision on the ground. We see Powerglide telling Spike to radio for landing clearance. As I've said, it's the little details that count. SPike can't get through. Carly sees the chaos down below. Powerglide assists a plane in landing.

We cut to a forest and train track with a tree toppled onto it. Workers are trying to get the tree off the tracks, but it's tough. A train appears. "Must be the 10:40 out of Croughton(sp) Falls!" They try to call them, but the signal's blocked. A steam engine-which explains Astrotrain-hits the log and explodes rather spectacularly.

Inferno and Red Alert are rolling along, Red Alert being paranoid as usual. *Sigh* I guess his circuits never got properly reset. They see the fire and roll off to combat it. Red Alert, in a moment of extreme stupidity, fires his laser pistol at the fire. "I'll knock out the fire!" Instead, he cuts a tree down, which also catches on fire. Inferno douses it while Red continues firing.

On the radio the workers were holding, Megatron's voice comes through. Red Alert's warning sensors also flash and seekers attack.

We cut to a man at a computer terminal in some snowy location. We see the computer's screen is blank. "Ah, gimme a forecast, not a blank look!" Okay, clever. I think it's a radio station or some sort of ranger station, as he tries to radio a warning to motorists to stay off mountain roads. It's not heard as we see cars stranded in the drifts. As a New Englander, I empathize fully.

At the Ark, Prime pulls in down a corridor I'm not sure we've seen before. Even Teletraan's gone dead. Sparkplug wonders what they'll do. The Autobots' response? "Transform and roll for it!" Great plan, guys! No wonder you were in the verge of extinction when the series started! Where the hell's a good Picard facepalm when I need it?

On the snowy road, several Autobots pull up. They extend studs from their tires and begin helping out. One car almost falls off a cliff before Hoist grabs it with one of his vehicle extension claws and saves his life. The humans are freed and placed into Ratchet's ambulance mode. Trailbreaker saves a car from being buried with his force field, even. Megatron's voice comes over the airwaves again as Thundercracker and Ramjet attack. The Autobots are quickly routed.

On the Moon, Megatron gloats and says he's the one who controls the airwaves. At an airport, we see Prime actually acting as a traffic controller when he's ambushed and attacked. Powerglide's even shout out of the air-with Spike and Carly aboard! Carly grabs some 'emergency jetpacks and Spike manages to open the door, not be whipped out by the airspeed and place them on Powerglide's chassis. They fire and he manages not to crash into a tower.

Megatron's voice comes over again. "Earthlings, I will return your airwaves to you for a price! Listen carefully." On the moon, Blaster manages to hit one of his tape controls. "In exchange for your airwaves, I want ALL of your energy reserves! I want your coal, your oil, your gas, your electricity-all of it! And then, only then will I return your airwaves to you!"

Those airwaves would prove pretty useless without a power source, methinks.

Over the demands, we hear the rock music from earlier. Carly slips a card into Powerglide's console and somehow that enables them to track the signal to the Moon. Could they not have done with with Megatron's earlier rant? Powerglide can't make it to the Moon, though. he does circle back and pick up Prime with a towline. No harpoon, though.


This really wanna be how you're carrying a critically-injured teammate?

His jetpack begins running out of fuel, so he heads for an alternate route. At the anowy road, the Autobots manage to shake off the snow and hear Blaster's signal. Trailbreaker says something... odd. "That son of an eight-track!" How the hell would he know what an eight-track is?! They roll out to get the humans to safety.

It turns out Powerglide was able to make it to Omega Supreme. There, Spike shows the limit of even his knowledge of Autobot anatomy. They put some emergency parts into Prime that hopefully can act as emergency repairs until Ratchet can look him over. Powerglide figures if Blaster's on the Moon, so is Megatron. Omega declares they must go to the Moon to rescue their comrades. They load up Prime and Spike and Carly are now wearing spacesuits. Meh, there might've been enough time for them to get them on. Carly's enthusiastic. "I've never been to the moon before!"

As an aside, the tf wiki rips into Carly for daring to show enthusiasm about going to our nearest neighbor. Look under the continuity notes. Seriously, this is a problem? I need a Pinkie Pie image-STAT!

Omega takes off, leaving behind the tank, track and base portion of himself. Don't worry, folks. They'll be along shortly! Man, he makes 'where does the trailer go?' seem as easy as one plus one!

On the Moon, Megatron is... well, he's gone into rant mode apparently. He hears Blaster's music and literally kicks Blaster in the head. He points his fusion cannon at Blaster. "Equalize this!" At that moment, there's a large explosion and part of the roof caves in. He spies Omega outside and orders them stopped.

Omega lands and... his entire mass just appears literally in a cloud of smoke. Prime is offloaded, too. Spike and Carly run to a crater as Omega transforms. He demands the Autobots be released. "Never!" Omega... picks him up.


I have a feeling Megatron is thinking at this moment, "No, I didn't have to follow the Ark! I could've stayed on Cybertron, solidified my hold on the planet and turn it into an engine of war! The pit was I thinking??!!!!!"

Astrotrain talks some smack. "Looks like the big boy needs a little training!" He transforms into train mode and hits Omega in the foot, knocking him off-balance. Omega transforms into rocket/base mode and chases after him.

Meanwhile, Megatron stands over Prime's chassis. "Parting is such sweet sorrow!" He kicks him, but Prime grabs him and flips him. There's a fight.

Inside, Cosmos-still armed!-fires and destroys the jamming equipment. The base explodes as Prime and megatron grapple, Prime winning. We cut to Astrotrain and Omega. Astrotrain taunts him. "Face it, Omega! You're too outdated to catch me!" So Omega transforms back to robot mode and simply grabs the shuttle from mid air, tossing him away.

Megatron retreats, but the Autobots have to save their comrades. Prime pulls away the restraints and frees Blaster and Cosmos. Blaster... I think he suggests converting this base into an Autobot outpost. Blaster points out he did save the day, and Prime retorts in a roundabout way he also prevented a timely receiving of the distress call from earlier in the episode.

Thoughts
Well... not a really bad episode. Blaster was annoying as all hell, though. And nearly cost them the fight. I have a feeling while Megatron was making his demands, Soundwave, rumble, Frenzy and Ravage were busy in the Sahara, getting a shipment of energon cubes ready for Cybertron.

Also, the professor really ought to go on a scenic trip of rural Oregon...

And now for a rather... unique, and from my memory cool episode.

A Decepticon Raider in King Arthur's Court
Starring Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Episode!

...

Okay, I'll try to keep the Holy Grail jokes to a minimum. But I also have a feeling after this, the Autobots watched the movie and some of them gained an undying love for Monty Python. Okay, all of them. Especially Optimus.

We open on a Stonehenge-like structure. Not necessarily Stonehenge because there are more than that particular Standing Stone structure. But it definitely is Britain, which is rather refreshing. We see Starscream, Ramjet, Rumble and Ravage on a hill and they're running out of power. Ramjet transforms and rolls along the ground, hitting Warpath and glancing off rather pathetically. He flies back and knocks everyone down to the stones. "I just changed heads last week!" So, so many things wrong there... and also right.

Starscream calls for a rather sensible retreat, but Rumble detects energy. They go inside a room, with Warpath following. He collapses the entrance and probably gains the everlasting hatred of the local Preservation Society. Inside, there's a glowing energy sphere, but Starscream doesn't care. "What is this place?" "Our tomb." Rumble detects the energy and runs his hand along some runic symbols before Starscream brushes him aside and lights the symbols up.

Outside, we see a ridiculously tiny Hoist and a giant Warpath.


Warpath, the boulder is literally half your size. Pick it up and give mini-Hoist a hand! Inside, Starascream activates... something. There's a bright beam of light, and the entrance is cleared and the Autobots are gone! The Decepticons walk out, but are spied by a young woman, who calls them 'armored giant knights'. And we learn the structure is called the Dragon Mound. The Decepticons walk along the pastoral English countryside, but Rumble spots trouble ahead. "There's some kind of weird-looking Autobots! And they're attacking... me!!!"

And we see two knights in plate armor on horseback. "A spy from the Red knight! Charge!" And true to their word, they charge. Starscream and Ramjet leap up and we get this little scene.


It'd be humiliating if it wasn't funny, or the Dark Ages. "Hah! Inferior construction, even for an Autobot!" One of the knights takes off his helmet and Starscream takes it. "Not Autobots, but humans pretending to be robots!" We get an introduction. The leader is Sir Wigund de Blackthorne. Rumble hands back his helmet. "Interesting technology, but not very modern." There was almost a hint of... admiration in his voice?

Wigund says it was made this year-543 anno domini. Starscream realizes the room was a time machine. Great Scott! He decides to help Wigund as we see the young lady from before still spying. She goes to warn her father, but steps on a convenient branch. Seriously, get the park service out there to clean that up! Ravage hears it and Starscream asks... and I am not kidding, "What is it, Ravage?"

What, Timmy fell down the well again? In the mine? In Winter? Primus, I'm only four minutes into the episode!

The knights and Ravage chase after her while Starscream sets us up the temporal paradox. "What's more important is that we have one thousand, four hundred and fifty-one years to go before we have to worry about the Autobots and that bungler, Megatron." Actually, it's one thousand, four hundred and thirty-one years, Screamer, but we'll let that slide since you're low on energon.

The lady goes into a ticket, but Ravage brushes by the brambles. She's out of breath-and then slams into Spike. The hell did he come from?! Ravage goes to tackle them, but Spike and the lady duck and Ravage bounces off an emerging Warpath. Hoist emerges, too. She drags Spike away before some dragon returns and Warpath... "She must mean Starscream." Actually understandable. Hoist observes the lady's dress and his databank dates her costume to 542 AD. "Fashion is always a year behind Camelot out here in the countryside." Spike kisses her hand out of nowhere and she finally gives her name of Nimue, which was the name of a character who fell in love with Merlin, apparently.

She asks for help against the giant knights and the Autobots agree, transforming. She rather takes it in stride of the giant shapeshifting machines and climbs in. We cut to a castle and a training ground. Hoist is talking with Nimue's father, Sir Aetheling the Red, telling him he needs help. Spike pipes up and says he needs help, too. The armor he needs for a tournament is ill-fitting and bulky, though. Hoist does a scan of Spike's proportions.


He picks up a piece of metal and begins welding a suit of armor. We also learn why Wigund's feuding. His cows wandered through a hole in the fence and devoured Aetheling's garden. The tournament is an excuse to get Wigund there to settle things peacefully. And Hoist's armor is ready. But he's also getting low on energy. Nimue gives him a cloth, says he'll be her champion on the field of honor and kisses him. Does it really count as cheating if your girlfriend won't be born for another 1,400 years?

The next day is the tournament. Aetheling wants to see reason as Spike does some practice. I have a feeling this is the first time he's ever been on a horse. Bonus points for Hoist using his own crane to lower him onto the horse. Spike tries as Nimue cheers him on, but he's knocked off. "Some champion." His horse walks off, him holding onto the tail.

Aetheling approaches Wigund, but Wigund's not making it easy. He declares war and shows his champions. Sir Rumble and Sir Ramjet. Ramjet transforms and Rumble hops on. Hoist and Warpath roll off, too. Aetheling is raised onto Warpath's turret, and we also learn Warpath has no more power for lasers. Starscream's aghast that the Autobots are there as the two champions roll for it! Ramjet's nosecone is compacted and Rumble's tossed through his cockpit. "My nose! You're ruined my nose!"

I actually agree with the TF wiki when they point out that Ramjet probably wasn't designed for head-on collisions with Autobot tanks. Nimue cheers him on and chews out Wigund. Starscream loses it, grabs Nimue and tells Aetheling to surrender or he'll never see her again. He transforms and rolls out, brave, brave Sir Starscream! When danger reared its ugly head he and oh god I'm sorry.

Aetheling and Spike chase after him on horseback. Hoist and Warpath try to sandwich him, but miss and crash into each other. Ramjet-with a fully repaired nosecone and cockpit-wonders why Starscream can still fly, but he can't as his wheels leave the ground briefly before going back down again. Warpath's so low on energy he can't stay transformed. An owl flies overhead and then goes to a wizard-type fellow. I think his name is... Tim, the Enchanter. We learn the owl's name is Solomon. Solomon hoots and apparently Tim can understand him. "Make some idiot twenty feet tall and he thinks he rules the Earth."

At Wigund's castle, Nimue is locked up as Wigund protests. Starscream tells him to shut up, but he's so low on energy he can't stand up. One of Wigund's subordinates gives Starscream s chest of gold, apparently from Wigund's grandmother. Wigund grabs it and presses it into gold. We cut to slaves on a wheel of pain, turning it to generate power for the Decepticons. Starscream takes his time in it.

At Aetheling's castle, Spike berates himself. Warpath tells him it wasn't his fault, then encourages Spike to go off and see what he can do about rescuing Nimue! Warpath, you idiot! We cut to Wigund's castle as Starscream is still charging himself up. He steps out and sees charcoal being made, and tells Ramjet to get rock salt. He wants Rumble to get sulfur and Rumble points out they need potassium nitrate, too. I wonder whatever for! A pigeon makes a deposit on Starscream's head and I nearly die laughing as he sends Rumble to also get the nitrate. "Me and my big mouth."

We see Nimue in her cell. Wigund COmes in to try and explain himself, but Nimue will have none of it. Understandable, considering what's happened. And it turns out Wigund... agrees with her. He'll do his best to change and even flirts her! We see Spike climbing up the side of Swamp Castle, falling back to the moat and losing the armor with the quick-release hinges to float back up. Well, Hoist made it so I wouldn't be surprised.

The drawbridge is lowered and Rumble enters with the nitrate.


So, Rumble's not a king, then? Ramjet greets him at the entrance with the most adorable greeting. "Great work, little buddy!" The other ingredients are ready. Spike overhears him and I think he figures out that Starscream has mixed up gunpowder.

Spike finally climbs up to the tower... and Nimue and Wigund are getting married. Ouch. We cut to Aetheling's forces advancing, but Starscream's prepared as catapults launch Trojan rabbits explosives. Siege towers are destroyed, but Hoist and Warpath volunteer their services. Hoist makes a good drawbridge. Inside, Wigund asks Wulfe-the one who gave Starscream the gold earlier-for help, but Wulfe tosses Wigund into the moat. Spike challenges him with a chair, but Wulfe draws his sword... only to get clocked by Nimue from behind. "Actually, the pleasure was all mine." So... we got the sad trombone from Pinkie Pie yet?

Hoist becomes a siege tower, even for Warpath as he climbs up and duels with Ramjet. Warpath fires a shell-not a laser-but is quickly knocked aside by the comparatively-recharged Ramjet, back down to Hoist. Both Autobots are critically low on energy. At the castle, Ravage charges Spike, but Solomon flies down and distracts the cat. He flies back to Tim as Wigund and Aetheling tell him they need energy. Starscream stands on the parapets and declares himself ruler, but Tim decides to use his 'magic'.

Starscream brushes him off. "Foolish human! Magic can never defeat science!" Ooh, you never say that, Screamer! Tim raises his hands and lightning crashes and his staff glows. Golden light envelopes the Autobots and recharges them. Not enough for weapons, but enough so they can transform. Ramjet and Tumble wheel the dynamo into position, but the Autobots crash through the walls. Hoist launches a grappling hook that wraps around RUmble, Ramjet and the dynamo, wheeling off and flinging it into a wall.

Later on, Wigund grabs a coil of gold wire and turns it into an impromptu wedding ring for Nimue. Aww. Spike is a bit disappointed but Warpath has some advice. "Better luck next time, pal." Like with the woman from your own time period? We see the Decepticons in sorry state.


Hoist realizes he's gotta take them back... to the future! Tim realizes they're time travelers and takes them back to the Dragon Mound. Turns out Tim built it, but a wandering dragon made it his home. Spike comments they didn't see a dragon. "That's because he's been out, visiting relatives." And we hear a roar and see a jet of flame. Starscream is basically oiling himself. Warpath trusts the wizard, though. Fortunately', he's got a full load of dragon's bane! Turns out it's gunpowder. The bag explodes and the dragon leaves.

We see the knights and lady waving goodbye as the the time travelers enter the Mound, then leave. Hoist asks the obvious question. "What do you think? Are we back?" A laser blast answers that question as Megatron spots Megatron and tackles him. "We're back! We're back!" Megatron has... no idea what he's talking about. "Starscream, you fool! You ruined my shot!" Warpath, Hoist and Spike race off.

Starscream embarrasses himself even more. "What's the matter? Aren't you glad to see us?" And the final shot is Megatron suffering several blown fuses.

Thoughts
This was a fun episode! Whacked as all get-out, but just... awesome. I mean seriously, time travel, knights on horseback, poop jokes-it's got it all. And apparently Ramjet watches Gilligan's Island.

I also think Tim and Solomon are still alive, and Solomon is boyfriend with Philomena from the latest episode of MLP: FIM. Why? WHY NOT??!

Okay...

And now for an episode with good... and bad...

The Golden Lagoon
Open on a beach. Perceptor, Seapsray, Warpath, Powerglide and Beachcomber are walking, gliding or trudging along. Perceptor stops them for a rock, one laced with gold and silver. Warpath's less than impressed, but there's little time as above, Blitzwing, Thrust and Ramjet transform and attack! Seaspray spots them and somehow his hoverjets can boost him rather high.

Powerglide transforms and takes off, and then we cut to Seaspray and he's somehow ended up in the water, trading shots with Ramjet. Ramjet flies straight at him... and Seapsray moves out of the way, letting him crash into the water. That is quite humiliating.

Blitzwing joins the fight, with Warpath shooting back. Blitzwing transforms into tank mode and collision! Perceptor calls for Beachcomber, but he's nowhere to be found!

We cut to Beachcomber in... a silven glen. "It's paradise!" A bird lands on his frikkin' shoulder and he whistles at him. Other animals come over and it's straight out of a bad dream.


hey, Beachcomber, remember your friends under fire from the oilthirsty Decepticons??! Jackass...

He finds a pool of golden liquid. "Great Maximus!" He dips a hand in and states it's electrum. We cut to back to the life-and-death fight as Ramjet emerges from the water, nearly toppling Seaspray. Warpath and Blitzwing are still at it, too. Thrust sends up such a mass of fire the cliff side weakens! At Beachcomber's paradise, he says no one can find out about it. But the rocks on this side also tumble. He transforms and speeds through the entrance to the tunnel leading from one side to the other just as Thrust flies over. The animals flee as he dips his hands into the electrum. "Thrust, my man, you are about to become number-one Decepticon!"

He dives in and is covered, with an audible 'shine'. Beachcomber emerges into the firefight and Perceptor asks where he was. "Ah... nowhere." Ramjet fires at them and shoots them down. Seaspray emerges, but Thrust flies down. He gets hammered, but nothing. "What's that, a tickle torture?"

He fires back and takes out Seaspray. Perceptor calls for a retreat. "Something most peculiar is occurring!" Now I legit wonder if the electrum coating is supposed to be invisible in-universe. It's explain a lot! Warpath retracts his cannon into his chest and fires missiles from it! But all for naught. Warpath blasts a hole in the cliff and leads Beachcomber and Powerglide into it. Thrust extends talons from his underside and scoops up Seaspray and Perceptor.



At the Decepticon headquarters, the two Autobots are presented before Megatron. "The brilliant scientist Perceptor and the naval strategist Seaspray!" Perceptor's defiant, good for him! They're locked up while Thrust tells them of the electrum. Starscream remembers he's a scientist and demands proof. Megatron snipes back. "Personally I don't care what you need!"

At the glen, the Decepticons land. Starscream is sent in first. He dips his foot in before jumping in, holding his nose.


I... guess he doesn't want to get a clogged intake or something? Do TF noses even do anything? He jumps back out as Megatron raises his fusion cannon. "I will enjoy this!" Starscream has a mild panic attack, but the shots do nothing but glance off... and destroy the forest. All the Decepticons jump in and fire at each other, doing nothing. Megatron gloats, and for once I agree with him!

At Omega Supreme, Warpath's eager to get back at the Decepticons. Powerglide tries to calm him down. "This is supposed to be a rescue mission, not the Charge of the Light Brigade!" Smokescreen points out Beachcomber spacing out. He looks at his hand as Warpath and Smokescreen transform and roll out. Powerglide wishes Mirage was there, and speak of the Unicron! "Your wish is granted." he decolaks. "I've been here for ten minutes." Okay, funny as all hell, but he's been cloaked for ten minutes? Why?

At the glen, the Decepticons fly off. We cut back to the Autobots as the Decepticons fly overhead. Megatron's order is simple. "Destroy!" And yeah, it's a slaughter. The Autobots can do nothing while the Decepticons fire, hit and it hurts. More credence to electrum being invisible. Mirage turns back for reinforcements. "See you around." Mirage cloaks. "Oh, no you won't!" Smokescreen puts out a cloud, but Megatron has a brilliant strategy. "Just shoot up the whole cloud! He's in there somewhere." And Smokescreen is shot up and shot down.

The Decepticons fly off as we see Mirage decloaking in front of a lot of season-one Autobots. He reports to Sunstreaker their weapons don't work. "I'll blast a few big Ds for yah, and you'll see what a difference a pro makes." Our hero, ladies and gentlemen. They transform and roll out as the Decepticons come into view. "Show no mercy!" Starscream brings up a good point. "Did we ever?" And they fire, and it's another slaughter. The Decepticons simply wade through the fire. Beachcomber knows what happened and name-drops the title. "They found the golden lagoon!"

We cut back to the Decepticon base. They're there, gloating. Perceptor and Seaspray are brought up and will be made to fight to the death. Soundwave pipes up Megatron must be informed, but Starscream brushes him off. Soundwave goes off as Seaspray and Perceptor are handed weapons. They try and shoot the Decepticons, with predictable results.

We cut to Smokescreen going up to Omega Supreme as the last line of defense is readied. "You're our only hope, Omega." No, Obi-Wan is your only hope. Omega transforms. "Failure; impossible." We see Beachcomber at the lagoon and the Decepticons lounging around. SOundwave reports to Megatron as Beachcomber is captured by Blitzwing. At the base, Perceptor and Seaspray blast the hull of the ship and make a break for it! They go for the docking tower, but Megatron's there with Beachcomber. He shoves Beachcomber in and tells Starscream he will lead the attack against Omega Supreme. Starscrem oils himself at the prospect.

Topside, the Decepticons attack. Omega fires, but even his mighty weapons do nothing. "Results; disappointing." The Decepticons fire, first taking out his shoulders. He creates a chasm with a footstomp. Megatron transforms into gun mode. "Let me finish him off personally!" And the mighty Omega Supreme is taken down! Megatron tells them to rearm for the assault on Autobot Headquarters!

At the Ark, Optimus learns Omega was taken out. Teletraan flashes the word 'electrum'. Finally! Ironhide doesn't know what it is, but Prime does! He sends out search teams. We cut to the beach and Powerglide coming ashore. He spots the Decepticons flying over and transforms, taking off and spotting the pool! He lands and sees them in the pool.

Starscream reports to megatron that they're ready for the final assault and asks about the prisoners. "They're at your disposal!" Skywarp opens the cell, but Beachcomber's gone. Turns out he's hanging from the ceiling and makes a drops down, taking them out. How... is not seen, thankfully. He shoots out a window and Seaspray takes them out and to the surface.

Megatron makes a speech and Starscream gets snarky. "Cut the oration, Megatron! We already heard it." And even Skywarp gets in on the act! "Yeah, let's talk about victory after we got it!" So Megatron flies off. We cut to the glen. Long Haul dumps some barrels for I think Dirge to fill with electrum before driving off for the main battle. And yeah, it's Dirge. Beachcomber grabs him. They hear footsteps, but it's the rest of the Autobots. "Well, looks like we all found out about this place at the same time." Beachcomber runs off, shame filling his Spark. He dives in. "Come on in. The electrum's fine!" And the Autobots jump in.

At the Ark, the Decepticons are firing at literal dummies. Megatron realizes what's going on and they go back to the lagoon. It's pretty much a stalemate as both sides are invulnerable. The real casualties are the forest. Celestia would be appalled!

Blitzwing suddenly turns back to his normal colors and all hopes of it being invisible IU are dashed as Perceptor notes the change. Damn. Megatron sees it fading. "No, it can't be!" And thus he has doomed himself! Perceptor tells Optimus as the Decepticons are taken out. megatron goes scorched Cybertron. "Obliterate the lagoon! If we can't have it, nobody can!" The Decepticons fire at the lagoon and the electrum explodes, leaving a crater. The Decepticons retreat as the Autobots cheer.

We cut to Beachcomber sitting on a stump. "We won..." As we pan across the carnage. Somewhat disturbing, actually.

Thoughts
At first I assumed the electrum coating was invisible IU, but apparently not. If it was, so many problems would've been solved.

Along with Beachcomber! Desertion, withholding information vital to the survival of the Autobots! No excuses there for any of his actions, IMO.

That final shot was pretty disturbing, to linger on the carnage wrought by the Great War. All in all, a good episode brought down by some odd choices.

*Crickets chirp* Hello...


And now another episode... I don't remember much of. *Shrug*

The God Gambit

We open IN SPACE!!! We pass by Saturn and Titan. We zoom in and see natives marching up to a temple, baskets on their heads. Okay... I guess they can breathe the nitrogen, methane and hydrogen. Some old guy looks down from an edge and notes they're almost here. Glowing orbs are raised into position and an arm raised on a statue. "If the god isn't ready, you'll scrub the temple floors with your tongues!" We see some amazonian babe sneaking around as the old man gesticulates and proclaims most mightily!

We see the people are oddly-skinned, with fur covering their shoulders and 80's hair.


By Primus, it's 'The Warrior'!

The old man spews out more rhetoric. "Look ye on his might, and despair." So, channeling Ozymandias a bit then. The statue's arms are waved about as the people bow and give up their harvest. Ah, it's a scam. The amazonian rushes the ceremony with other soldiers, attacking. The winches holding up the statue's arms are turned off and the thing crumbles. The amazonian proclaims the sky god is an excuse for high taxes. The old man's name is Jero and the lady's name is Talaria. She denounces him and his scam. "I believe in reason and common sense! there are no sky gods"

We cut to the Rings of Saturn and Cosmos, being chased and shot at. He radios the Ark and Prime, Perceptor and Jazz respond. He's got energy data, but is being chased by Astrotrain. Prime wants Cosmos to transmit the data, but Red Alert stops him with epic blockage! And the reasonable explanation that it could be intercepted. On Astrotrain, Thrust notes he's running out of energy. Astrotrain decides to tempt fate. "I'm in complete control! Complete control!" If it was Blitzwing I'd believe it...

He zeroes in on Cosmos, blows apart an asteroid blocking his shot and then takes out the saucer. Prime jabs ineffectually at a button as Cosmos tumbles out of control. Back on Titan, Talaria is at a campsite, telling the others that Jero and his 'astrologer priests' have been deceiving everyone. Jero tells her the sky gods want them where they are. "The sky gods forbid us to move to another land. That's why the chasms were formed!" Talaria tempts fate too. "They forbid, or you forbid, Jero? Show me a sky god, so I may ask him!"

And right on cue Cosmos tumbles through the atmosphere, glowing from friction. Nice touch, there. He leaves a fiery trail of destruction as Jero gloats. We cut to Astrotrain landing and also shrinking, as Thrust and Starscream fit inside what become his feet, and now he's not much taller than 'Screamer. Also, Starscream gets creepy. They landed at the temple. "Here's the church, here's the steeple. Open the doors, and where are the people?" The point of that, I don't know. I don't want to know. Astrotrain tells him to shut up-thank Primus-while Thrust spots smoke on the horizon. Sadly not on water.

The Titans have discovered Cosmos and bow to him, Jero telling them to bow to him. Astrotrain goes meta. "These fools worship transformers!" Although I'm not sure how he heard or saw anything. He concocts a plan to have them worship him. Starscream protests, so Astrotrain solves it in a sensible Decepticon manner-grabbing him by the throat and choking him!



"Quiet, Starscream! I've got a coronation to attend." Well, we've just hit hilarious in hindsight. Should I add that to the TVtropes entry? He transforms into train mode as Jero and Talaria argue. She needs more proof-as the Decepticons arrive in flashy choreography. "I am Astrotrain, mightiest of all the gods! Bow down and worship your new master, worms!" And they bow down.

Cosmos is placed inside the temple. Starscream is... this is odd. When did Astrotrain get so tough? He gets the energy data and holds up the lone wire preventing him from contacting anyone... as Talaria overhears him gloating. Thrust notes Astrotrain is low on energy, but Astrotrain is on a full-blown ego trip and won't call for backup. Later, Talaria rappels down and reconnects the wire. A screen pops open and Prime is on it. Apparently they've been trying to reach him "for hours!" I hope they took shifts. Talaria tells him Cosmos is hurt. Prime asks her what planet they're on. "Planet? I don't know the word." As she wouldn't. Sensible, there.

Prime tells her to touch a glowing red light-it's a signal beacon. Astrotrain sees Talaria and Starscream shoots at her, but misses again. She rappels down to the bottom of the chamber, but thrust blocks her path. "Going somewhere?" Cosmos starts waking up, though. He blasts Starscream, allowing Talaria to escape. Astrotrain blasts him, but I note his voice is rough.

On Earth, Omega Supreme is ready. But to simply get to Titan will take up 97% of his energy. Prime is ready to go, but Red Alert tells him no. "We can't risk losing you." But Prime would risk it! Jazz points out Red Alert's right. Ah, darn! Can't disagree with him! Perceptor's the only one who can decipher Cosmos' data, and Jazz just likes kicking pig-iron. Omega Supreme points out the obvious. "Talk, excessive. Time; limited." They board and he blasts off.

At Titan, Jero leads Astrotrain and the other to a cavern full of crystals. They're rich in energy and are a perfect power source. An acolyte-neither Farooq nor Bradshaw-points out the 'Ancient Tablets' say the crystals are taboo. Jero points out that since Astrotrain is a god, the whole 'taboo' thing makes little sense. Sadly, I must agree. We cut to Omega reaching Titan and landing. Well, more like crash landing. But it's more controlled than Cosmos' was. He lands at the edge of a cliff, just at the edge. Jazz offers to help him, but they'll need Cosmos and his energy data. "Just don't move!" Omega's retort is short, but precise. And famous. "Sarcasm; not appreciated." There's a tremor and he moves closer to the edge.

At the cavern, the natives are now slaves of Astrotrain. Jero tells one elder to be careful, and Starscream agrees-because the energy inside is unstable. We see Jazz and Perceptor walking along. Perceptor transforms and looks around, seeing Talaria shooting arrows at them. There's a large note of... nonchalance in his voice as she fires.


Keep dreaming and maybe they'll hurt the Autobots. Talaria declares that as long as she breathes-the methane and nitrogen-the 'Titans' won't worship false gods. I am praying that's translation convention. Perceptor deduces she means the Decepticons. Jazz tells her to stop shooting and they can help each other.

Talaria leads them to the temple, where Jazz is aghast. "This is terrible!" Perceptor brushes him off as they help him. "Cosmos has been in worse predicaments." I should not Talaria is riding on Jazz's shoulder and it is adorable.

Jazz notes it's not Cosmos' condition that upsets him. "No, I mean worshipping him like he's some kind of god. We're not gods, we're just fancy machines, Talaria." Rather humble and self-effacing of him. I like it. We cut to the slaves and Starscream ordering them around to the temple. They see the Autobots and there's a firefight. Thrust wimps out and wants to go get Astrotrain while Starscream tells him to stand and fight. And my head imploded.

Jazz transforms... for some reason, and so does Starscream. Jazz hurls a rock at him and knocks the seeker out of the air, then runs over and grapples him as he transforms. He calls for help from Thrust, but he runs out and runs into Astrotrain. Astrotrain tells them to use arrows and spears tipped with the crystals, taking Jazz by surprise. "Hold on, I'm on your side!" It knocks him off. Astrotrain tells them to use larger crystals and they wheel out a catapult. The crystal blows them back and into a chasm. Astrotrain declares they fled... when they were clearly blown back. Inside, Talaria calls out for the Autobots, but Astrotrain grabs her and declares her a heretic. Time for Titan sacrifice!

We cut to Starscream and Thrust flying over, searching for Jazz and Astrotrain. They fly off, missing the targets. Jazz decides to go in search of the crystals. The natives are tired and starving, but Astrotrain decides a sacrifice is in order. Jazz and Perceptor find the crystals and Jazz picks up a rock and begins bashing at a cluster of them. This right after Perceptor declares them unstable. Perceptor stops him as some natives come out, on the brink of death and suicide. Jazz tells them they're not gods, and one of them laments that if they'd listened to Talaria, she wouldn't be sacrificed. Jazz asks if there's another entrance to the temple and they point up-the ceiling of the cavern is the temple's floor! Perceptor sees a pool of silvery liquid and notes it's 'electric lava', the same substance as the crystals. Perceptor takes some crystals for Omega while Jazz climbs to rescue Talaria.

We cut to Perceptor with the crystals running through the forest to Omega on the edge. He makes a big leap while Omega balances on a large piton of rock. Back at the temple, Jero is about to presumably cut out Talaria's heart when Jazz emerges from a hole in the floor. Back at Omega, Perceptor loads up Omega with the crystals and he takes off!

At the temple, Jazz shoots the weapon from Jero's hands. "Sorry to bust up your revival, but the lady ain't got her heart in it!" He charges, firing and takes out Astrotrain. The natives flee while Jazz saves Talaria. They're pinned down at the altar. Jazz does his best, but Omega flies in and transforms, Perceptor wobbly on his feet. Omega punches the wall and the temple shakes. He fires and takes Astrotrain off his feet. The Triple-Changer dives into the hole and down to the cavern with the crystals. Topside, Jazz spots Cosmos.

Below, Jero asks who the 'false gods' are as Starscream and Thrust fly in. Astrotrain decides to blow up the crystals and shoots at them. He transforms and the Decepticons board him. Jero probably has a crisis of faith as he asks about himself. Astrotrain's answer is succinct. "Die like the worm you are!" And the cavern explodes... and Jero probably is vaporized. The entire temple explodes!

The natives are trapped at the edge of the electric lava-seriously, electric lava? Regular lava wasn't good enough? "Spare us, and we will worship you!" Jazz has had about enough. "We ain't gods! But we will save you! Omega Supreme, do your thing!" Omega transforms into base mode and extends a ramp. He then... moves hie entire body across. Jazz helps Talaria across, but they're almost killed by the explosions. Omega retracts his ramp in the nick of time!

We cut to the Titans beginning work on a new village. Talaria is grateful. Perceptor has also finished repairing Cosmos. One of the Titans says they have much to be thankful for. "Like no Decepticons monkeying around with your beliefs."

Thoughts
This is... rather deep, actually. Reason and common sense... also, note Jazz wasn't against the idea of religion, just the Transformers being worshiped themselves. He notes at the end the Decepticons not monkeying around with their beliefs-but not that their beliefs are bad.

Also, Astrotrain is nuts. And really got into the part. I mean REALLY got into the part.

And now for a focus on one of the Beautiful Mechs.

Make Tracks
We open on New York-a lot dirtier than in 'City of Steel'. We see a decrepit neighborhood and some refugees from 'The Warriors' checking out Autobot Tracks. "Those wheels are rude!" Was 'rude' ever a slang term like that back then? I was about seven, admittedly. Now, Tracks has two big Autobrands and I think even punks like this would know who and what he is. But alas, they were born without brains. One of them pulls out a screwdriver and pops the lock. They get in and find... screw it. It's Blaster. They start Tracks up and turn Blaster on, driving to a chop shop. "We bagged a beaut, Winston! Make with the long green!" Lorne Green? And maybe no one else saw that episode of Police Squad!.

He wants Blaster turned off as Tracks transforms. They run for it, but Blaster transforms too and grabs them. "You punks are sunk, and that's no bunk!" I want Jazz! He's not annoying or proto-Wheelie! Winston-the chop shop owner-makes a break for it, but Optimus Prime rolls up and transforms! Winston pulls what is clearly a regular pistol and fires, with ricochet sound effects. Prime orders him to surrender as police drive up and cuff them. "Thanks to you, our crimebuster program's a smashing success!"

One one hand, seeing Autobots helping out police like this gives me warm fuzzies. I think you all know how much I love seeing the Autobots helping out like this. On the other hand, Prowl or Jazz would be better suited to run this operation, methinks.

They transform and roll for a garage owned by Sparkplug. Or it's simply an Autobot outpost established on the East Coast to deter Decepticon raids. I favor the latter explanation. There, Sparkplug greets them and Prime asks for news from Teletraan-One. Sparkplug presses a button and a door slides open, revealing a corridor in Ark orange. Yeah, a secret outpost with direct access to Teletraan-One. I love it.

No news on the Decepticons. At the main control room, Tracks expounds on New York. "Pardon the cliche, but I love New York!" Hoist makes a mild rib while Huffer... "Yeah, he'd rather hang out with humans than us any day!" I know one Autobot I'd rather avoid, thank you! Prime sends Powerglide and Cosmos skyward for patrol while Seaspray hits the river. And since this is 80's New York, he probably means that literally. Tracks leaves for some air. "It's too stuffy in here." Pot, this is the kettle. You're black!

He transforms and rolls out. Some thugs runs up and try to carjack him. Points, though, for noticing no driver. Points deducted for not noticing his Autobrands! They shoot at him, which for the most part does nothing, but one bullet-and thank Primus they're bullets and not lasers-hits his tire and he spins out of control into a lamppost. "My hood, my beautiful hood!" He's in bad shape and can't even transform. A turbo-revvin' young punk by the name of Raoul rounds a corner and sees him in this sorry shape.



"Well, nobody seems to want you. So that makes you mine." And thus a beautiful friendship is born! Or something rather creepy. "We gonna fix you up good." Tracks speaks for all of us. "This is a most disturbing development." He runs off and we fade to seeing him and some friends pushing Tracks into some open area. Raoul runs down what Tracks needs and slides under. Tracks speaks up and Raoul hits his head. Tracks asks to be repaired. "The car talks!" "You've got a mind like a steel trap." Seriously, Raoul has never heard of the Transformers before? That strains credulity. He says he'll fix Trakcs up-and then sell him to the 'Geddis Brothers'.

We cut to Raoul getting some spare parts. "First time in my life I try to steal a car, and I get one with a big mouth." Tracks asks him where he got the parts, and Raoul says not to ask and he could always do some 'burners' instead. This apparently means graffiti. He pops Tracks' hood and sees some Cybertronian technology. He snips a wire... and kills Tracks, apparently. "Car, Car! Speak to me, What did I do?" You snipped a wire and he went dead. A to B... He tapes the wire back up and he comes back to life. We learn it's the main cable to his computer. "Without it, I'm just an ordinary car." There is so much wrong with that. One cable?! Raoul begins working on him.

We cut to Seaspray patrolling the river, making sure to stay out of the gunk. "I wish the humans would learn to keep their rivers clean." He passes by a tow truck pulling a wreck from the river! He transforms and helps the tow truck out before contacting Optimus to report nothing. At the outpost, Prime calls in other Autobots for reports. Powerglide is first. "It's as quiet as New York gets on a Friday night." I guess they know Earth culture, then. Prime tells him to report Decepticon activity or of he sees Tracks. We then see Cosmos flying through the city and causing panic attacks. "Just a little fender bender on the West Side." And then we see this...


Ladies and gentlemen, if you ever thought scale was important-stop. It's not. It never has been and never will be.

They're stuck in the traffic jam. "It'll take hours before we get out of here!" Ten hundred quatloos to whoever can guess which Autobot said that! Hoist climbs out to assist while Huffer transforms, complaining all the while. Hoist transforms and extends his crane. "Okay, mister four-wheel drive. This won't hurt a bit!" Huffer grouses and wishes he had wings like Tracks. "I bet he wouldn't be caught in a jam like this!" What jam?! You can walk away!

We cut to Raoul polishing up Tracks. Tracks asks what he'll do with him as the Geddis Brothers show up.


"You promised us a car by midnight."

"It is now one minute after midnight." They rough Raoul up , but Tracks rolls up and transforms. The Geddis Brothers toss Raoul at Tracks and beat feet. "I thought those robots were on our side!" tracks overhears it and goes back to car mode, letting Raoul in. He tires following their car, but the Geddis Brothers lose him. So he extends his wings and takes off, finally making a proper introduction. "Well, Raoul. Hang onto your bobby socks!" Tracks...

He spots the car and lands, following them to a warehouse. But again they lose them and drive off. Back at the... open area Raoul worked on Tracks, he asks why Tracks was interested. Turns out Tracks was able to deduce the Geddis Brothers are working for the Decepticons. Which... makes sense, too. He wonders why the Decepticons want stolen cars and has Raoul take him to where the stolen cars are being taken.

We cut to a bunch of cars being driven across a bridge from the Hudson to Jersey. Tracks follows him as STarscream passes by, with Powerglide apotting him! Starscream sums it up. "Attention soundwave, uh oh!" They dogfight for a bit when Cosmos shows up. "How do you do, Starscream? Not very well, I hope!" Okay, that was very funny. They force Starscream to ground, who transforms and runs off.

He runs into a shopping mall... and I suppose it'd be big enough for them, being New York City and all. Starscream shoots up a column and then a glass elevator. Cosmos catches the car and deposits it. "First floor, movie theaters, shoe stores and fast food restaurants!" Now I wanna see the Autobots shopping. I don't care, either. I just want to. "I wish the directory could show us where to find Starscream." When did Cosmos get so awesome, again?

Powerglide spots him running up a flight of stairs. They run after him... despite all three of them capable of flight. Starscream shoots at them, blows a hole in the roof and flies off. Back at the outpost, they report to Prime. "He might have been heading for New Jersey, and the Pine Barrens."

We cut to the Pine Barrens and an obviously Decepticon base. The drivers of the stolen cars are bussed back to New York City while Tracks and Raoul observes. There's five hundred cars, according to them. Megatron's there and they ask for their million bucks in payment. They expected him to pay them? Predictably, he aims his fusion cannon at them and they act shocked-shocked-at the betrayal. One of them pulls a laser pistol and fires. i assume they got the pistol from the Decepticons. Megatron laughs at their futility and they run off.

Hook reports they're ready to work on the final batch of vehicles. "Then what are you waiting for?" Megs has a point. Tracks tries to contact Prime, but his radio's not working. Raoul gets out and Tracks rolls up to the assembly line. He gets-hey, his Autobrands are covered! Score one for the animators. Maybe. We see inside and Scrapper carving the cars up. Tracks' wire shorts out, though, as he rolls to the entrance.

Raoul runs up to the base and shouts, trying to provide a distraction. He says he's got an anti-stripping device installed. "Called a bomb." Megatron tells him to disarm it and the conveyor is stopped. Raoul pops the hood and reconnects the wire. He transforms and a firefight breaks out. They retreat into the forest and Tracks transforms, but he's low on power.

He transforms back to robot mode, but slumps against a tree. Raoul proves his worth by trying to distract the Decepticons. Fortunately, the other Autobots show up in time. Including Jazz! The Decepticons are driven off as Tracks is tended to. We cut back to the outpost and Tracks' report. Teletraan-One reports the stolen cars are driving down Brooklyn Bridge. Prime leads a group of Autobots to head them off.

At the bridge, the Autobots shoot the cars. And they begin transforming into drone soldiers. They've got poor aim and aren't too smart, but there's a lot of them. In downtown, another group of Autobots attack drones that made it through. "Let us stomp out these cheap imitations!" Inferno fights a fire as the battle continues and Tracks name-drops. "I'll teach you to mess with the Chrysler Building!" And then...



Seriously? This is... Okay, in-universe and out, what is this? I leave it to you, my readers, to hash it out!

Huffer's with another group. "Boy, talk about lousy shots!" And karma pays him back when a drone shoots a shed on top of a building and sends it crumbling on top of him. "Spoke too soon." At the bridge, sheer numbers are starting to work. Ratchet examines one of them and realizes they don't have brains! Prime deduces they're remote controlled and has Blaster broadcast a jamming signal. It works and they tumble to the ground.

We cut to the Autobots assaulting the Decepticon base. "We're putting your company into bankruptcy, Megatron!" Raoul sneaks into the base with a crowbar, but is caught by Megatron. The Autobots hold their fire and Tracks threatens. Raoul pulls out a can of spray paint, opens Megatron's chest and sprays the contents into his abdominal circuitry.

The TF wiki has a bit of a problem with this debilitating Megatron. I don't. It's not fire-retardant foam onto their exterior armor but inside and some rather delicate-looking components. The Decepticons retreat and the base is destroyed.

Back the city, the surviving drones transform back to vehicle mode. Some are inside Sparkplug's garage, others outside. Prime says they have to be converted back to normal and returned to their owners. Noble, but gonna be a big task. Sparkplug laments it'll take weeks. Raoul tries to sneak off, but Tracks has him 'volunteer' to help out. Raoul declares he'll never steal a car again as Tracks helps out.

Thoughts
Interesting, not bad. Pretty good, actually. Raoul will return-slightly lighter-but he'll be back. I wonder if he ever met Spike or Carly. Now there is a fanfic.

Also, good seeing the Autobots helping out the police. Although again, should've been Jazz leading it. He's cool like that, you dig?

These are some awesome reviews, man. Keep it up!

Blast Cannon wrote:These are some awesome reviews, man. Keep it up!

Thanks! it's very encouraging to receive feedback.

Child's play

We open... in a baseball stadium. With a space bridge in the middle of it. We cut to the interior and the general manager. "As general manager of this stadium, I respectfully request that you allow us to play ball!" We pan across and see some baseball players looking pissed. And why do they look pissed? Because the Decepticons are there with the space bridge! The GM has balls of solid titanium or nothing between his ears. I'm betting on the latter.

Thrust, Starscream, Megatron and Skywarp are on the space bridge. Megatron declares the game is on. Oh, shit. Thrust loads up his cannon with baseballs and fires them. One guy swings at them and the bat is snapped in two. Another tries to catch a ball and a hole is drilled in his glove. Fortunately. he kept his fingers. And the scoreboard is destroyed and sent crashing down!


Yeah, tell me no one died there. I've got some oceanfront property in Arizona to sell, too!

Soundwave scoops up a player and winds up... "Skywarp, think fast!" Starscream intercepts him, though as Ravage chases a player around. The stands empty out as Starscream buzzes the crowd and scoops up two spectators with his wings. Thankfully, the Autobots roll into the stadium. "Okay, Decepticons. It's our turn at bat!" Oh, Prime. How I love you!

Starscream dumps his 'passengers', but Inferno transforms and deploys a net from his ladder... somehow. "Strike one!" I want my toy to do that! Brawn grabs Soundwave and chucks him into Starscream on the space bridge lip. "Strike two!" Thrust fires a rocket at Bumblebee, but Prime punches it away! "Time for a pinch hitter!"

Itonhide grabs a light and hits Thrust. "Batter up!" Smokescreen goes long... "I got him!" But Ravage tackles him and they all go into the space bridge proper. Starscream's sent flying in there, along with Prime and Megatron. Prime grabs Megatron and tosses him. "Strike three, Megatron! You're out!"

Perceptor tries to deactivate the space bridge, but Megatron shoots at him-and hits the controls. The entire thing goes haywire and everyone inside is sucked up by an errant and unpredictable wormhole opening. Megatron's pissed his energon coubes are gone, but apparently it hasn't sunk in yet Prime and Starscream-the two biggest thorns in his chassis-are gone! And gone where?


"My Primus, it's full of stars!"

There's a whiteout and they land... somewhere. Both sides accuse the other of trickery. Prime warns the Autobots to be cautious while Starscream activates a... jack-in-the-box. Lord, those things are creepy. He shoots it. Balls roll down and one lands on Starscream. Perceptor taps it. "Whatever it is, I hope it's friendly!" A rather large cat grabs Soundwave... well, a something. He runs for it. "Alert, alert! Assistance required!" Thrust transforms and fires laser at it, doing a Hollywood strafing pattern. The creature swats at him and he's knocked into a large pool of water.

A piranha-like fish swims up to him, wicked-looking teeth bared. And he has a spaz attack. Dude, fly off! instead, he swims. He... calls for Ravage. Well, he is the only 'Con not incapacitated. Ravage runs, leaps... and is ensared by vines from some giant plant. The Autobots are rather nonchalant about their enemy's nigh-certain demise as Prime has them load up the energon cubes and get out. The Decepticons plead for help, but Prime simply has them roll out. This any relation to superdickery? Perceptor rolls out in microscope mode. Nod to his toy?

Back on Earth, the Autobots are running out of the stadium as the space bridge explodes. Ironhide takes over and has them go back to Teletraan-One to figure out what's going on. He even orders them to transform! Back at... wherever they are, the Autobots come across a building. They store the energon cubes and go exploring. It's empty and shoddily built. Inferno knocks against a wall and it tumbles! They exit and find Starscream, with something menacing him. "Don't come near me, you monster!"

It grabs him and places him inside a glass jar. Or something transparent. Soundwave is next, followed by Thrust and then Ravage. Thrust threatens him, but Starscream sees through it. "Big talker!" We see the... thing and it's not pretty. Bumblebee figures it out. "It's a giant boy!" We pan across his room. Perceptor goes anal. "Actually, it's all a matter of perspective. We're miniature robots to him!" And the show just got slightly meta. Prime tells them not to make a sound as the boy-who we learn is named Aron-asks if his cat Nitro likes the toys. Nitro goes over and knocks over the building. Thrust tries to make a break for it, but Aron grabs him and throws him against the wall. Ouch!

He transforms, but Aron grabs him with a butterfly net. He's tied up to the bed and can go nowhere. "You think a little piece of strong can stop me?" Spoilers... it does. Ravage makes a break for it, but Nitro corners him. He's placed into a cage with 'Booper', a cross between a hamster and elephant. Booper and Ravage... go into the wheel.


So, scale of one to ten. How humiliating?

Soundwave and Starscream break the globe, but Soundwave's put inside a toy box. Starscream goes inside the block house and shoots the energon cubes, blowing some up. The Autobots grab the cubes and run out, Inferno dousing the flames. Aron picks up Starscream and places him in a box. He thanks Inferno for saving his building set. "All in the line of duty!" The Autobots are scooped up, but placed gently on a desk! Aron introduces himself and asks their names. Prime does the intros. He asks where they are, but Aron's parents come in. Aron shows them the Decepticons and they freak out. "Get that disgusting creature out of my face!"

He goes to put them away, but Starscream shoots them. Aron hides the Autobots as the Decepticons are rounded up. Soundwave shoots at the dad. "Ow, it bit me!" No, it shot at him!" Aron tries to lie to them about the Autobots, but their parents pick up on them. The Autobots, not being stupid and trigger-happy, don't do anything. His mother panics and calls the authorities.

Back at the Ark, Chip's got no luck finding out where they went to. Chip's contacted Cybertron, even. Who'd he speak to? This is Chip's last onscreen appearance, apparently.

Back at Aron's planet, the authorities have the Transformers strapped down. They're being poked at and prodded. Umm... why not talk to them, since they're clearly capable of speech and communication? They decide to dissect one. "We have to find out what makes them tick! Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?! Aron grabs them and runs out, followed by his parents and soldiers. He ducks behind a bush and loses them. Stellar! Some bully named 'Marty'-really alien there, folks-runs up and demands to know what's behind Aron's back. Aron denies it, but Marty, being a bully, is contractually obligated to press the issue. "Come on, goosehead. I saw you hiding it from me!" The Autobots vacate the box into a handy trash receptacle. "Yuck, what a dump!" Aron shows him the empty box and is taunted some more.

Aron gets them and calls Marty the meanest guy in the universe. Bumblebee says he's never met Megatron. Good thing-for Megatron. Bumblebee tells him he's the leader of the Decepticons. "Those other robots, back at the lab." And we cut back to the lab as the Decepticons break free of their bindings. Back to Aron, he runs for his house. Prime tells him they can't stay. Aron asks where they're from and they tell him Earth. He mentions a telescope and Perceptor gets an idea! The Decepticons fly over, Sound wave zeroing in on their location... and Ravage 'running along' in the air.



The authorities spot Aron, though, so he dumps them. They jump down into a sewer, the Decepticons following. And for once, we get an absurdly spacious sewer that's justified. The Decepticons find them and there's a fight. Prime takes Ravage out and Bumblebee 'takes over'. Real courageous.

Perceptor and Soundwave duel, the former holding a pencil and the latter a stick. "The pen is mightier than the staff, Soundwave." Soundwave knocks him down with one hit, but Perceptor kicks him. A rat with a trunk comes by and Bumblebee's sucked into a whirlpool. Inferno rescues him, though. There;s a tidal wave and the Decepticons retreat. The Autobots climb into a broken cup and ride it out and to a rocky cliff. They eventually make their way to Aron's house.

Back there, his parents tell him he did wrong. The Decepticons scout out the neighborhood while the Autobots arrive. Prime tames Nitro with social-fu and the kitty-thing lets them ride on his back inside. There, Perceptor reveals his plan to use the energon to amplify his microscope into a transporter beam on his telescope. Prime speaks for all of us. "Don't tell us about it, just do it!" while Bumblebee jumps up and down like a child.

Seriously, that's what he does.

He asks where the cubes are and Aron pulls them out of his drawer, "Excellent, my friend." Perceptor it's only open for a limited time. Infernor shoots the cubes-hey, doesn't that cause them to explode? But it works and the Autobots go for the light beam. But the Decepticons appear, taking Bumblebee hostage! Aron goes to stop them, but Prime says no. Nitro attacks them and they jump into the beam, going home. The cubes are drained and they're stuck there. And Smokescreen notes the Decepticons are back home.

We cut to the Decepticons landing in a swamp. Thrust complains. "This isn't the type of welcome I had in mind!" Starscream tells him to shut up because there aren't any green monsters around. And cue the alligator attack! Massively huge alligator, but who cares?

Back at Aron's room, the Autobots lament being stuck. Aron gets an idea and pulls out a toy rocket! Perceptor begins spewing technobabble, but Prime cuts him off. "Perceptor, just do it!" We cut to the Autobots being loaded inside. Aron says they'll miss them. "Every time you look through your telescope at the stars, you'll know that your friends are out there." And this is why G1 animated Prime is the best Prime! Nitro licks Bumblebee and purs. "I feel the same way about you, Nitro." The rocket lifts off and Aron cheers them on.

Thoughts
Kinda trippy, actually. Somewhat meta, too. The Transformers... technically lifesize, now! Aron was a good kid, there. I liked him.

But will the Autobots get back? Tune in tomorrow, same Prime time, same Prime channel!

...

No, sorry. This Prime parties!

Your review of the Desertion of the Dinobots inspired me to go back and rewatch one of my favourite ever episodes of Generation One. It really was freakin' awesome! I think that the best part of this double episode was the amount of time given to scenes on Cybertron and the sense of wonder for Spike and Carly. It also gave Shockwave some well needed screen time too!

As for your question about Cybertronium... I'm not actually sure. We could postulate until the cows came home and probably not get near the truth. It was probably little more than a dodgy plot device to reduce the Transformers to a sorry state for a couple of episodes, considering that it's never mentioned again throughout the multiverse!