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Ricochet take two!

Allegiance:Autobot
Sub-group:
Function:Gunner
Alternate Modes:Porsche 997 Turbo
Weapons: Shoulder mounted automatic shell cannon, precision plasma dart rifle
Special Abilities:
Height: 28ft/ 8.9m
Quote: “Either help me destroy my enemies or get out of my way."


Strength:7
Intelligence:7
Dexterity:7
Speed:8
Endurance:8
Courage:8
Firepower:7
Accuracy: 10
Melee:4
Tech Skill:8
Charisma:4
Rank:

Profile: Ricochet has a temper unparalleled within the Autobot ranks and wastes no time picking a fight with a fellow ‘Bot should they say or do something that provokes him. He has an unnaturally strong sense of justice and believes that no Cybertronian should go unpunished for their crimes, feeling as though he is the perfect mech to serve as both judge and executioner. Unfortunately for the poor spark in question, the retribution he dishes out is usually so harsh that most Autobots are left feeling sorry for his victims.

Regardless of his anger management issues, Ricochet is an expert marksman who is brutally efficient on the field of battle. It’s the one place where he can unleash his rage and not be chastised for it by his commanding officer. Of course, that only applies as long as said fury is directed towards the Decepticons and not other Autobots. While Ricochet’s personality traits are sorely lacking, his exceptional combat capabilities have earned him the respect of his comrades. As a result, Ricochet has also managed to develop some friendships during his military service, even if they are precarious ones at best.

Abilities:Ricochet is unmatched as a marksman and excels at laying down suppressive fire. As a master of ranged weaponry, he can accurately fire any blaster or rifle that finds itself in his possession. With his precision plasma rifle, he can hit a tin can from a maximum effective distance of six miles. With his shoulder mounted automatic shell cannon, he can provide unrelenting support fire at a rate of 30 shells per second.

Because most Autobots won't risk conversation with the aggressive gunner, few realize that beyond his gruesome acts of war, Ricochet is a technical master of his field and is capable of using and performing extensive repairs on numerous projectile weapon types, even during the heat of combat. While in vehicle mode, Ricochet can reach an impressive 155 mph if given enough straight road to do so, but his true ability shines through when driving on dirt or gravel.

Weaknesses: Ricochet is rather unapproachable for an Autobot. His extreme sense of justice and lone wolf-style attitude may serve him well as a marksman, but when it comes to camaraderie amongst his fellow Autobots, he is seldom considered. It is only by his incredible skill in range combat that he gains any respect from his peers as the majority of ‘Bots feel that they can only truly depend on Ricochet while fighting alongside him on the battlefield.

In addition, due to his intense specialization in ranged warfare, Ricochet is all but inept in melee combat. He is physically strong, but without his projectile weaponry he often has no other choice but to withdraw when faced with a physical confrontation.

SAMPLE POST



"This is so simple!" Ricochet said "All I need to do is to blast some decepticreeps to non-existence!". "I don't think it will be that easy." said Artfire, "We have to battle other marksmen!", Then Ricochet said " So what! its still easy, they are weak!", "No they aren't" said Artfire ,"they have Cyclonus!". "I know! That's great!" said Ricochet, "It gives me a chance to let out anger." "Ok" said Artfire. Ricochet then quickly changed his aim from a Decepticon troop to Cyclonus and shouted out "This is fun!" "I WILL KIIIIIIL YOUUUUUU!" shouted Cyclonus, "Ricochet! He's getting angry!" said a worried Artfire. "No problemo, I can handle it" said Ricochet. "Ok" responded a worried Artfire. "Oh no! I have no more ammo!" said ricochet "NOW I CAN FINALLY STRIKE!"shouted Cyclonus, "HIYAGH!!!" Ricochet got knocked-out cold........"wuh wuh...Where am I...." said Ricochet "You are in the medibay, I'm calling ratchet to repair you, an' you know guns aren't always the awnser" said Artfire "YES THEY ARE THE AWNSER! oh well, better wait for ratchet." responded Ricochet "it's ok. it'll be alright" said Artfire

Nicorange wrote:Ricochet take two!

Allegiance:Autobot
Sub-group:
Function:Gunner
Alternate Modes:Porsche 997 Turbo
Weapons: Shoulder mounted automatic shell cannon, precision plasma dart rifle
Special Abilities:
Height: 28ft/ 8.9m
Quote: “Either help me destroy my enemies or get out of my way."


Strength:7
Intelligence:7
Dexterity:7
Speed:8
Endurance:8
Courage:8
Firepower:7
Accuracy: 10
Melee:4
Tech Skill:8
Charisma:4
Rank:

Profile: Ricochet has a temper unparalleled within the Autobot ranks and wastes no time picking a fight with a fellow ‘Bot should they say or do something that provokes him. He has an unnaturally strong sense of justice and believes that no Cybertronian should go unpunished for their crimes, feeling as though he is the perfect mech to serve as both judge and executioner. Unfortunately for the poor spark in question, the retribution he dishes out is usually so harsh that most Autobots are left feeling sorry for his victims.

Regardless of his anger management issues, Ricochet is an expert marksman who is brutally efficient on the field of battle. It’s the one place where he can unleash his rage and not be chastised for it by his commanding officer. Of course, that only applies as long as said fury is directed towards the Decepticons and not other Autobots. While Ricochet’s personality traits are sorely lacking, his exceptional combat capabilities have earned him the respect of his comrades. As a result, Ricochet has also managed to develop some friendships during his military service, even if they are precarious ones at best.

Abilities:Ricochet is unmatched as a marksman and excels at laying down suppressive fire. As a master of ranged weaponry, he can accurately fire any blaster or rifle that finds itself in his possession. With his precision plasma rifle, he can hit a tin can from a maximum effective distance of six miles. With his shoulder mounted automatic shell cannon, he can provide unrelenting support fire at a rate of 30 shells per second.

Because most Autobots won't risk conversation with the aggressive gunner, few realize that beyond his gruesome acts of war, Ricochet is a technical master of his field and is capable of using and performing extensive repairs on numerous projectile weapon types, even during the heat of combat. While in vehicle mode, Ricochet can reach an impressive 155 mph if given enough straight road to do so, but his true ability shines through when driving on dirt or gravel.

Weaknesses: Ricochet is rather unapproachable for an Autobot. His extreme sense of justice and lone wolf-style attitude may serve him well as a marksman, but when it comes to camaraderie amongst his fellow Autobots, he is seldom considered. It is only by his incredible skill in range combat that he gains any respect from his peers as the majority of ‘Bots feel that they can only truly depend on Ricochet while fighting alongside him on the battlefield.

In addition, due to his intense specialization in ranged warfare, Ricochet is all but inept in melee combat. He is physically strong, but without his projectile weaponry he often has no other choice but to withdraw when faced with a physical confrontation.

SAMPLE POST



"This is so simple!" Ricochet said "All I need to do is to blast some decepticreeps to non-existence!". "I don't think it will be that easy." said Artfire, "We have to battle other marksmen!", Then Ricochet said " So what! its still easy, they are weak!", "No they aren't" said Artfire ,"they have Cyclonus!". "I know! That's great!" said Ricochet, "It gives me a chance to let out anger." "Ok" said Artfire. Ricochet then quickly changed his aim from a Decepticon troop to Cyclonus and shouted out "This is fun!" "I WILL KIIIIIIL YOUUUUUU!" shouted Cyclonus, "Ricochet! He's getting angry!" said a worried Artfire. "No problemo, I can handle it" said Ricochet. "Ok" responded a worried Artfire. "Oh no! I have no more ammo!" said ricochet "NOW I CAN FINALLY STRIKE!"shouted Cyclonus, "HIYAGH!!!" Ricochet got knocked-out cold........"wuh wuh...Where am I...." said Ricochet "You are in the medibay, I'm calling ratchet to repair you, an' you know guns aren't always the awnser" said Artfire "YES THEY ARE THE AWNSER! oh well, better wait for ratchet." responded Ricochet "it's ok. it'll be alright" said Artfire

Denied. This sample post has all of the same problems as your last attempt and is not up to our writing standards. Please do all of the things that I previously laid out for you and practice your writing skills before making another attempt.

ctrlFrequency wrote:All right Smokey, attempt number 2

I am leaving her training vague as I'm not keen on introducing real substance of a character into her background, as far non characters are concerned, I hope that's okay. Stats have fixed and martial arts have been reassisgned, and she's itching to stick blades in others :p


Allegiance: Decepticon
Function: Mercenary/Reconnaissance
Alt. mode: Cybertronian Sports Car
Weapons: Nunchaku, Pair of Sai Daggers, Wrist Mounted Grappling Hook, Energized Shuriken (Numerous), Pair of Katanas, Machine Gun (pair in alt mode only), Null Ray Rifle w/Scope
Height: 24 ft /7.31m
Quote: “There are no secrets that can not be found."

Strength: 5
Intelligence: 6
Dexterity: 9
Speed: 6
Endurance: 4
Courage: 8
Firepower: 6
Accuracy: 7
Melee: 8
Tech Skill: 5
Charisma: 6
Rank:

Profile: Nightbird came about as a result of an attempt of a former senator's desire to have his own spy. Before the war, he employed a young scout just beginning training, shaping her skills to become a silent spy to collect information on his fellow senators. She was able to do this to his satisfaction, espionage coming easily to her.

Realizing early on that she would get no where in her field without mental discipline, she used her free time to learn to calm and focus her thoughts and energies to further develop her patience and control. This improved her espionage skills immensely, being able to keep more focus on her target.

Her espionage skills were even more valuable once the Decepticons began to rise up. Nightbird was sent out by the senator to spy on virtually any of the cons he was wary of. During one mission, she was detected by her target, who was well versed in martial arts. After narrowly escaping him, she realized that her skill in hand to hand combat would need vast improvement.

She stayed in the senator's employment until the fall of the Senate. However, she had not joined a side, not yet choosing became an Autobot or Decepticon. She wasn't concerned about faction in the least, her loyalty lay in who ever was currently paying her.

Improving her melee skills would have to wait when she went on the hunt for employment with whomever needed her skills, bouncing between sides for a very short time, changing her name so not to draw connections between employers. However, this did not last long. Without credentials it became difficult to find work, even as a mercenary. Employers were suspicious of someone who would not declare a faction.

She ended up joining the Decepticons, despite her long history of employment with the Senator, her own personal beliefs could could not align with the early Autobot ideals. As the war has raged on, she has found more and more Autobots would have never suited her, she finds them dishonorable and hypocritical. However, she still remains a mercenary to an extent, and still not entirely trusted.

In the time between jobs, she used to her advantage to study techniques of various Cybertronian martial art styles, but it was all ‘book knowledge’ as finding a Metallikato master is near impossible. She did find, through chance, a student of Metallikato who was willing to teach her what he knew. Nightbird possessed a purely natural talent for the control and focus required to effectively learn the martial art, and possesses the ability to learn very quickly making her an excellent student, however, she was not able to finish her training.

She has a very strong, calm, intuitive personality. Not particularly chatty, but very commanding. It has helped her navigate through the Decepticon army while remaining somewhat of a mercenary. She 'reads' others well, very observant she easily picks up on emotions of others. She is often given more leeway to choose her assignments presented to her.

Most recently she fell under the command of Bomb Burst’s unit of elite assassins and scouts due to her extensive skills in both area. Appointed his second in command (not by Bomb Burst’s choice), she has, begrudgingly, won something that slightly resembles respect from the Vampire for her skills and vice versa. As result, he has helped her improve her skill in striking with the element of surprise.

Abilities: Through her studies of martial arts, Nightbird is a vast repository of deadly skills, but is still unlocking those skills. Her skills includes Metallikato and Circuit-Su. Her primary focus is on recon and intell skills, where her natural abilities of obfuscation are most valuable.

Her color scheme is black and dark gray with some purple highlights particularly in her battle mask that she wears covering her face near constantly, her smaller size allows her to hide in tighter spaces allowing her to eavesdrop and watch from cover. Through ages of training she has been able to overcome the desire to shift position, move, or fidget even if she spends long time spans in one uncomfortable position.

Her focus, patience, near silent movement, and excellent obfuscation skills has made her excellent at reconnaissance missions, espionage, and scouting. This has put her in situations that her martial arts skill has been put to the test. She specifically tries to avoid being hit and disabling an attacker quickly. She has developed keen observation skills, her intuitive personality helping quickly picking up nuanced details from her targets.

Lightly armored she moves near silently in robot mode and her Cybertronian Car alt mode is also light, fairly fast, and maneuverable. Her hand to hand combat abilities are impressive, she prefers to strike first and strike offensively, her defense is avoidance, she easily dodges and maneuvers, as well as quite capable of escaping combat situations as she is in sneaking into places.

Weaknesses: Lightly armored has great disadvantages, of course, she is particularly vulnerable if hit. Thus it makes her a bit more reluctant to engage in melee, despite being very competent in hand to hand combat due to her training.

Okay, since you had already provided an adequate sample post in your first attempt, it was fine to not re-post it here. After going back and forth via PMs we can finally call this app approved! Since Nightbird is being considered as a fanmade just post her profile up in the Decepticons fanmade section and update your roll call accordingly and you'll be good to go. Have fun with her!

Ricochet take three NEW VERSION BELOW THIS POST DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS ONE

Allegiance:Autobot
Sub-group:
Function:Gunner
Alternate Modes:Porsche 997 Turbo
Weapons: Shoulder mounted automatic shell cannon, precision plasma dart rifle
Special Abilities:
Height: 28ft/ 8.9m
Quote: “Either help me destroy my enemies or get out of my way."


Strength:7
Intelligence:7
Dexterity:7
Speed:8
Endurance:8
Courage:8
Firepower:7
Accuracy: 10
Melee:4
Tech Skill:8
Charisma:4
Rank:

Profile: Ricochet has a temper unparalleled within the Autobot ranks and wastes no time picking a fight with a fellow ‘Bot should they say or do something that provokes him. He has an unnaturally strong sense of justice and believes that no Cybertronian should go unpunished for their crimes, feeling as though he is the perfect mech to serve as both judge and executioner. Unfortunately for the poor spark in question, the retribution he dishes out is usually so harsh that most Autobots are left feeling sorry for his victims.

Regardless of his anger management issues, Ricochet is an expert marksman who is brutally efficient on the field of battle. It’s the one place where he can unleash his rage and not be chastised for it by his commanding officer. Of course, that only applies as long as said fury is directed towards the Decepticons and not other Autobots. While Ricochet’s personality traits are sorely lacking, his exceptional combat capabilities have earned him the respect of his comrades. As a result, Ricochet has also managed to develop some friendships during his military service, even if they are precarious ones at best.

Abilities:Ricochet is unmatched as a marksman and excels at laying down suppressive fire. As a master of ranged weaponry, he can accurately fire any blaster or rifle that finds itself in his possession. With his precision plasma rifle, he can hit a tin can from a maximum effective distance of six miles. With his shoulder mounted automatic shell cannon, he can provide unrelenting support fire at a rate of 30 shells per second.

Because most Autobots won't risk conversation with the aggressive gunner, few realize that beyond his gruesome acts of war, Ricochet is a technical master of his field and is capable of using and performing extensive repairs on numerous projectile weapon types, even during the heat of combat. While in vehicle mode, Ricochet can reach an impressive 155 mph if given enough straight road to do so, but his true ability shines through when driving on dirt or gravel.

Weaknesses: Ricochet is rather unapproachable for an Autobot. His extreme sense of justice and lone wolf-style attitude may serve him well as a marksman, but when it comes to camaraderie amongst his fellow Autobots, he is seldom considered. It is only by his incredible skill in range combat that he gains any respect from his peers as the majority of ‘Bots feel that they can only truly depend on Ricochet while fighting alongside him on the battlefield.

In addition, due to his intense specialization in ranged warfare, Ricochet is all but inept in melee combat. He is physically strong, but without his projectile weaponry he often has no other choice but to withdraw when faced with a physical confrontation.

SAMPLE POST

"This is so simple!" Ricochet said "All I need to do is to blast some decepticreeps to non-existence!". "I don't think it will be that easy." said Artfire, "We have to battle other marksmen!"
Then Ricochet said "So what! It's still easy, they are weak!". "No they aren't" said Artfire, "They have Cyclonus!". "I know! That's great!" said Ricochet, "It gives me a chance to let out anger.". "Ok" said Artfire.
Ricochet then quickly changed his aim from a Decepticon troop to Cyclonus and shouted out "This is fun!". "I WILL KIIIIIIL YOUUUUUU!" shouted Cyclonus.
"Ricochet! He's getting angry!" said a worried Artfire. "No problemo, I can handle it" said Ricochet. "Ok" responded a worried Artfire.
"Oh no! I have no more ammo!" said Ricochet "NOW I CAN FINALLY STRIKE!"shouted Cyclonus, "HIYAGH!!!".
Ricochet got knocked-out cold! "wuh wuh...Where am I...." said Ricochet. "You are in the medi-bay, I'm calling Ratchet to repair you, an' you know guns aren't always the answer" said Artfire. "YES THEY ARE THE ANSWER! Oh well, better wait for Ratchet." responded Ricochet, "It's ok, It'll be alright." said Artfire.

Ricochet take five

Allegiance:Autobot
Sub-group:
Function:Gunner
Alternate Modes:Porsche 997 Turbo
Weapons: Shoulder mounted automatic shell cannon, precision plasma dart rifle
Special Abilities:
Height: 28ft/ 8.9m
Quote: “Either help me destroy my enemies or get out of my way."


Strength:7
Intelligence:7
Dexterity:7
Speed:8
Endurance:8
Courage:8
Firepower:7
Accuracy: 10
Melee:4
Tech Skill:8
Charisma:4
Rank:

Profile: Ricochet has a temper unparalleled within the Autobot ranks and wastes no time picking a fight with a fellow ‘Bot should they say or do something that provokes him. He has an unnaturally strong sense of justice and believes that no Cybertronian should go unpunished for their crimes, feeling as though he is the perfect mech to serve as both judge and executioner. Unfortunately for the poor spark in question, the retribution he dishes out is usually so harsh that most Autobots are left feeling sorry for his victims.

Regardless of his anger management issues, Ricochet is an expert marksman who is brutally efficient on the field of battle. It’s the one place where he can unleash his rage and not be chastised for it by his commanding officer. Of course, that only applies as long as said fury is directed towards the Decepticons and not other Autobots. While Ricochet’s personality traits are sorely lacking, his exceptional combat capabilities have earned him the respect of his comrades. As a result, Ricochet has also managed to develop some friendships during his military service, even if they are precarious ones at best.

Abilities:Ricochet is unmatched as a marksman and excels at laying down suppressive fire. As a master of ranged weaponry, he can accurately fire any blaster or rifle that finds itself in his possession. With his precision plasma rifle, he can hit a tin can from a maximum effective distance of six miles. With his shoulder mounted automatic shell cannon, he can provide unrelenting support fire at a rate of 30 shells per second.

Because most Autobots won't risk conversation with the aggressive gunner, few realize that beyond his gruesome acts of war, Ricochet is a technical master of his field and is capable of using and performing extensive repairs on numerous projectile weapon types, even during the heat of combat. While in vehicle mode, Ricochet can reach an impressive 155 mph if given enough straight road to do so, but his true ability shines through when driving on dirt or gravel.

Weaknesses: Ricochet is rather unapproachable for an Autobot. His extreme sense of justice and lone wolf-style attitude may serve him well as a marksman, but when it comes to camaraderie amongst his fellow Autobots, he is seldom considered. It is only by his incredible skill in range combat that he gains any respect from his peers as the majority of ‘Bots feel that they can only truly depend on Ricochet while fighting alongside him on the battlefield.

In addition, due to his intense specialization in ranged warfare, Ricochet is all but inept in melee combat. He is physically strong, but without his projectile weaponry he often has no other choice but to withdraw when faced with a physical confrontation.

SAMPLE POST

"This is so simple!" Ricochet said "All I need to do is to blast some decepticreeps to non-existence!".He then started blasting a few decepticons with his precision plasma dart rifle. "I don't think it will be that easy." said Artfire, "We have to battle other marksmen!"
Then Ricochet responded "So what! It's still easy, they are weak!". " "But they have Cyclonus.".said a scared Artfire "I know! That's great!" replied Ricochet, "It gives me a chance to let out anger.".
Ricochet then quickly changed his aim from a Decepticon troop to Cyclonus and shouted out "This is fun!". His blasts from his precision plasma dart rifle damaged Cyclonus badly, "I WILL KIIIIIIL YOUUUUUU!" shouted Cyclonus in a loud angry tone.
"Ricochet! He's getting angry!" said a worried Artfire. "No problemo, I can handle it" Ricochet responded. Ricochet's blasts got more furious and strong, he then stopped to reload his gun
"Oh no! I have no more ammo!"he said in a shocked tone. Cyclonus saw an opportunity to strike hard and fast. Cyclonus then punched Ricochet so hard that he got knocked-out cold! Ricochet became heavy eyed as his world faded away into a deep dark black void. Artfire then rushed Ricochet to the medi-bay. "Wuh wuh...where am I?..." Asked Ricochet very quietly. "Ricochet you are in the medi-bay, I'm calling Ratchet to repair you" said Artfire. "why?" "well Ricochet, Cyclonus knocked you out cold" "that purple demon! I will rip his spark out if its the last thing i do" "woah! no need for violence Ricochet" "meh whatever, just get Ratchet here" "ok Ricochet"

Nicorange wrote:Ricochet take five

Allegiance:Autobot
Sub-group:
Function:Gunner
Alternate Modes:Porsche 997 Turbo
Weapons: Shoulder mounted automatic shell cannon, precision plasma dart rifle
Special Abilities:
Height: 28ft/ 8.9m
Quote: “Either help me destroy my enemies or get out of my way."


Strength:7
Intelligence:7
Dexterity:7
Speed:8
Endurance:8
Courage:8
Firepower:7
Accuracy: 10
Melee:4
Tech Skill:8
Charisma:4
Rank:

Profile: Ricochet has a temper unparalleled within the Autobot ranks and wastes no time picking a fight with a fellow ‘Bot should they say or do something that provokes him. He has an unnaturally strong sense of justice and believes that no Cybertronian should go unpunished for their crimes, feeling as though he is the perfect mech to serve as both judge and executioner. Unfortunately for the poor spark in question, the retribution he dishes out is usually so harsh that most Autobots are left feeling sorry for his victims.

Regardless of his anger management issues, Ricochet is an expert marksman who is brutally efficient on the field of battle. It’s the one place where he can unleash his rage and not be chastised for it by his commanding officer. Of course, that only applies as long as said fury is directed towards the Decepticons and not other Autobots. While Ricochet’s personality traits are sorely lacking, his exceptional combat capabilities have earned him the respect of his comrades. As a result, Ricochet has also managed to develop some friendships during his military service, even if they are precarious ones at best.

Abilities:Ricochet is unmatched as a marksman and excels at laying down suppressive fire. As a master of ranged weaponry, he can accurately fire any blaster or rifle that finds itself in his possession. With his precision plasma rifle, he can hit a tin can from a maximum effective distance of six miles. With his shoulder mounted automatic shell cannon, he can provide unrelenting support fire at a rate of 30 shells per second.

Because most Autobots won't risk conversation with the aggressive gunner, few realize that beyond his gruesome acts of war, Ricochet is a technical master of his field and is capable of using and performing extensive repairs on numerous projectile weapon types, even during the heat of combat. While in vehicle mode, Ricochet can reach an impressive 155 mph if given enough straight road to do so, but his true ability shines through when driving on dirt or gravel.

Weaknesses: Ricochet is rather unapproachable for an Autobot. His extreme sense of justice and lone wolf-style attitude may serve him well as a marksman, but when it comes to camaraderie amongst his fellow Autobots, he is seldom considered. It is only by his incredible skill in range combat that he gains any respect from his peers as the majority of ‘Bots feel that they can only truly depend on Ricochet while fighting alongside him on the battlefield.

In addition, due to his intense specialization in ranged warfare, Ricochet is all but inept in melee combat. He is physically strong, but without his projectile weaponry he often has no other choice but to withdraw when faced with a physical confrontation.

SAMPLE POST

"This is so simple!" Ricochet said "All I need to do is to blast some decepticreeps to non-existence!".He then started blasting a few decepticons with his precision plasma dart rifle. "I don't think it will be that easy." said Artfire, "We have to battle other marksmen!"
Then Ricochet responded "So what! It's still easy, they are weak!". " "But they have Cyclonus.".said a scared Artfire "I know! That's great!" replied Ricochet, "It gives me a chance to let out anger.".
Ricochet then quickly changed his aim from a Decepticon troop to Cyclonus and shouted out "This is fun!". His blasts from his precision plasma dart rifle damaged Cyclonus badly, "I WILL KIIIIIIL YOUUUUUU!" shouted Cyclonus in a loud angry tone.
"Ricochet! He's getting angry!" said a worried Artfire. "No problemo, I can handle it" Ricochet responded. Ricochet's blasts got more furious and strong, he then stopped to reload his gun
"Oh no! I have no more ammo!"he said in a shocked tone. Cyclonus saw an opportunity to strike hard and fast. Cyclonus then punched Ricochet so hard that he got knocked-out cold! Ricochet became heavy eyed as his world faded away into a deep dark black void. Artfire then rushed Ricochet to the medi-bay. "Wuh wuh...where am I?..." Asked Ricochet very quietly. "Ricochet you are in the medi-bay, I'm calling Ratchet to repair you" said Artfire. "why?" "well Ricochet, Cyclonus knocked you out cold" "that purple demon! I will rip his spark out if its the last thing i do" "woah! no need for violence Ricochet" "meh whatever, just get Ratchet here" "ok Ricochet"

Denied. This sample post is still not up to our standards. You're really not changing that much as it's very similiar to your last attempt. You're putting characters' dialog together on the same line right next to one another which makes everything run together. Also, your punctuation, capitalization and grammar are still major issues. I'm sorry but you're going to have to make some very big changes to your writing style before you'll get approved to play in this RPG.

Perceptor

Allegiance: Autobot
Function: Scientist/Sniper
Alt. mode: Microscope, stationary field artillery piece
Weapons: Long range sniper rifle, 2 semi-automatic pistols, shoulder mounted light cannon
Abilities: Enhanced vision in right optic
Height: 30ft / 9.1m
Quote: "One’s ultimate truth lies in one’s molecular structure."


Strength: 07
Intelligence: 10
Dexterity: 08
Speed: 02
Endurance: 07
Courage: 08
Firepower: 08
Accuracy: 10
Melee: 06
Tech Skill: 10
Charisma: 08
Rank: 07

Profile: Perceptor's thirst for knowledge is unquenchable. He will seek it to the exclusion of all else. Perceptor's specific role in the Autobot cause is putting to good use his specialties in metallurgy, electrical engineering and other sciences closely related to Transformer physiology in order to help put an end to the war. Optimus Prime considers this research vital to the Autobots' cause. There was a time that Perceptor was not easily drawn into joining with other Autobots to do anything other than his work, but that has changed. While collecting samples on Corata-Vaz, Perceptor and the small group of security officers with him were attacked by a group of Decepticons. Perceptor was severely injured during the skirmish requiring him to spend an exorbitant amount of time in a CR chamber at the Kimia Facility.

After coming back online he went directly to his lab and began work on upgrading his body. The modifications performed included forearm stabilizers, a new breastplate made from adamant crystal and an enhanced optic equipped with a long range targeting visor. All of the enhancements, along with his dour demeanor, have made Perceptor into a focused indispensible sniper.

Abilities: Perceptor is extremely intelligent. His capacity for data storage is second only to Optimus Prime's. Although familiar with all the sciences, his specialties are metallurgy, molecular chemistry, and electrical engineering. He has two different capacities in microscope mode. He can magnify objects up to 10,000 times as an optical microscope and up to a million times as a scanning electron microscope. Using his magnifying lenses to concentrate and intensify its beam, he can convert his lens barrel into a powerful light cannon. It can blast a hole in a cinder block wall 2,000 miles away with pinpoint accuracy. He can use the cannon in robot mode or convert to a third form and use it as a stationary field artillery piece. Thanks to his enhancements Perceptor has become an expert marksman.

Weaknesses: Any problems with his magnifying lenses will bring his scientific research to a halt.

MasterSoundBlaster wrote:Perceptor

Allegiance: Autobot
Function: Scientist/Sniper
Alt. mode: Microscope, stationary field artillery piece
Weapons: Long range sniper rifle, 2 semi-automatic pistols, shoulder mounted light cannon
Abilities: Enhanced vision in right optic
Height: 30ft / 9.1m
Quote: "One’s ultimate truth lies in one’s molecular structure."


Strength: 07
Intelligence: 10
Dexterity: 08
Speed: 02
Endurance: 07
Courage: 08
Firepower: 08
Accuracy: 10
Melee: 06
Tech Skill: 10
Charisma: 08
Rank: 07

Profile: Perceptor's thirst for knowledge is unquenchable. He will seek it to the exclusion of all else. Perceptor's specific role in the Autobot cause is putting to good use his specialties in metallurgy, electrical engineering and other sciences closely related to Transformer physiology in order to help put an end to the war. Optimus Prime considers this research vital to the Autobots' cause. There was a time that Perceptor was not easily drawn into joining with other Autobots to do anything other than his work, but that has changed. While collecting samples on Corata-Vaz, Perceptor and the small group of security officers with him were attacked by a group of Decepticons. Perceptor was severely injured during the skirmish requiring him to spend an exorbitant amount of time in a CR chamber at the Kimia Facility.

After coming back online he went directly to his lab and began work on upgrading his body. The modifications performed included forearm stabilizers, a new breastplate made from adamant crystal and an enhanced optic equipped with a long range targeting visor. All of the enhancements, along with his dour demeanor, have made Perceptor into a focused indispensible sniper.

Abilities: Perceptor is extremely intelligent. His capacity for data storage is second only to Optimus Prime's. Although familiar with all the sciences, his specialties are metallurgy, molecular chemistry, and electrical engineering. He has two different capacities in microscope mode. He can magnify objects up to 10,000 times as an optical microscope and up to a million times as a scanning electron microscope. Using his magnifying lenses to concentrate and intensify its beam, he can convert his lens barrel into a powerful light cannon. It can blast a hole in a cinder block wall 2,000 miles away with pinpoint accuracy. He can use the cannon in robot mode or convert to a third form and use it as a stationary field artillery piece. Thanks to his enhancements Perceptor has become an expert marksman.

Weaknesses: Any problems with his magnifying lenses will bring his scientific research to a halt.

Approved. Have fun with him.

Swerve

Allegiance: Autobot
Function: Metallurgist
Alternate Modes: 4WD Truck
Weapons: My First BlasterTM
Special Abilities: The power to annoy someone to death.
Height: 15ft/ 4.6m
Quote: “Molecular structure is the window to understanding."


Strength: 06
Intelligence: 08
Dexterity: 06
Speed: 06
Endurance: 05
Courage: 07
Firepower: 02
Accuracy: 02
Melee: 05
Tech Skill: 07
Charisma: 09
Rank: 05

Profile: Gregarious would be a good word to describe Swerve. So would outgoing, enthusiastic, upbeat, joyfully irreverent, flippant, sarcastic, wise ass, troll, or "total pain in the aft," depending on which side of his weapons-grade mouth you happen to fall on and how long you've been listening to him use it. Swerve has a sense of fun and even whimsy that stands out from your run of the mill Autobots fairly dramatically. The little fellow may get on their nerves... he'll probably get on their nerves... But it'll always be with a smile, a laugh, and an epic level quip, making him a good bartender.

He is, however, also a menace to everyone within range of a gun in his hand - including himself - given his legendarily bad aim, as well as to anyone driving nearby because he's so easily distracted by just about anything that catches his attention. Despite this, he's quite intelligent and skilled as a metallurgist, analyzing the properties of a material with unique sensors in his hands. When he gets caught up in a problem, he becomes almost laser-like in focus and intensity, going on quest after quest, both major and minor. Unfortunately, this generally leaves him just as distracted from any other tasks at hand and just as accident-prone as ever. He's almost always in need of some repairs, major or minor, because of it.

Abilities: Subject has above-average strength and great intelligence. He is an expert at metallurgical science. In vehicle mode, he can travel at speeds of 120 mph for up to 500 miles. In robot mode, his hands contain sensor that can divine the chemical and physical properties of metals and various geological substances.

Weaknesses: Subject isn’t heavily armored, putting him at risk during firefights and combat operations. His poor driving forces him to undergo numerous minor and major repairs. His poor accuracy makes him a danger to himself and others with a gun in his hands.

Foximus wrote:Swerve

Allegiance: Autobot
Function: Metallurgist
Alternate Modes: 4WD Truck
Weapons: My First BlasterTM
Special Abilities: The power to annoy someone to death.
Height: 15ft/ 4.6m
Quote: “Molecular structure is the window to understanding."


Strength: 06
Intelligence: 08
Dexterity: 06
Speed: 06
Endurance: 05
Courage: 07
Firepower: 02
Accuracy: 02
Melee: 05
Tech Skill: 07
Charisma: 09
Rank: 05

Profile: Gregarious would be a good word to describe Swerve. So would outgoing, enthusiastic, upbeat, joyfully irreverent, flippant, sarcastic, wise ass, troll, or "total pain in the aft," depending on which side of his weapons-grade mouth you happen to fall on and how long you've been listening to him use it. Swerve has a sense of fun and even whimsy that stands out from your run of the mill Autobots fairly dramatically. The little fellow may get on their nerves... he'll probably get on their nerves... But it'll always be with a smile, a laugh, and an epic level quip, making him a good bartender.

He is, however, also a menace to everyone within range of a gun in his hand - including himself - given his legendarily bad aim, as well as to anyone driving nearby because he's so easily distracted by just about anything that catches his attention. Despite this, he's quite intelligent and skilled as a metallurgist, analyzing the properties of a material with unique sensors in his hands. When he gets caught up in a problem, he becomes almost laser-like in focus and intensity, going on quest after quest, both major and minor. Unfortunately, this generally leaves him just as distracted from any other tasks at hand and just as accident-prone as ever. He's almost always in need of some repairs, major or minor, because of it.

Abilities: Subject has above-average strength and great intelligence. He is an expert at metallurgical science. In vehicle mode, he can travel at speeds of 120 mph for up to 500 miles. In robot mode, his hands contain sensor that can divine the chemical and physical properties of metals and various geological substances.

Weaknesses: Subject isn’t heavily armored, putting him at risk during firefights and combat operations. His poor driving forces him to undergo numerous minor and major repairs. His poor accuracy makes him a danger to himself and others with a gun in his hands.

Looks good to me. Approved. Have fun with the little pain in the aft!

Pending during to reading the rules.

Groundbomber

Affliction: Autobot

Function: Warrior, Tactician, Air Combatant

Alt mode: Soviet MiG-25 fighter jet, grey with crimson highlights.

Weapons: Deployable arm cannon stored on back. Turrets on shoulders and thighs. Energy pulse rifle. Energon dagger sword. Dual pistols. Rack of micro missiles in shoulders.

Special Abilities: Unusually strong and durable.

Height: Unknown, but about the size of Blitzwing

Quote: "The day I lay down my arms to the Deceptions is the day of my death."

STRENGTH: 8
INTELLIGENCE: 8
DEXTERITY: 1
SPEED: 1
ENDURANCE: 9
COURAGE: 8
FIREPOWER: 8
Accuracy: 5
MELEE: 8
TECH SKILL: 4
CHARISMA: 3

Profile: A female secretly from the planet Caminus, Groundbomber is much like Arcee. She's a go getter, always ready for a fight. She is an expert tactician, with several victories credited to her skill. However, Groundbomber is impulsive, and will abandon a carefully thought out plan if she thinks she an alternative. A loner, most of her missions are ones she goes at alone. However, she is honorable, and will not kill a foe that is weaker than she. Groundbomber will willingly throw herself into the thick of battle to save a fellow 'bot. Although most will call her schemes reckless, they have a high accomplishment level. However, her secrets, particularly of her origins, discourages many a commander from giving her valuable intel. This lack of trust can anger her, and she's almost quit on multiple occasions. However, she believes in equality for all, and can't abandon those who need protection from the Deceptions' endless conquests.

Abilities: She is slow, and can barely reach speeds of 60 MPH in net form. However, her armor is strong, and she's like an air tank. Big cannon on her back can deploy under her nose in net form, with multiple kinds of ammo and configurations. Her currents have multiple uses as well, from fire suppression to AA support. Cannot fly in bot mode, but as a jet, can fly in Alt mode.

Weaknesses: Groundbomber is slow in both forms, and cannot do many complex moves other than punching and smashing. Lack of teamwork can lead to her being stranded in perilous areas without support. Her impulsive behavior can make her bite off more than she can chew.

[I didn't see a place for custom characters, so I put this here.] the rules.

Astrotrain

Name: Astrotrain
Allegiance: Decepticon
Sub-group: TripleChanger
Function: Military Transport
Alt. mode: U.S. NASA Space Shuttle/ General Electric U28C diesel-electric six-axle locomotive
Weapons: Ionic Displacer Rifle (deployable in all modes), small bombs (deployable in shuttle mode)
Height: 40ft / 12.20m
Quote: “In confusion, there's opportunity."

Strength: 09
Intelligence: 07
Dexterity: 06
Speed: 10
Endurance: 08
Courage: 07
Firepower: 07
Accuracy: 07
Melee: 07
Tech Skill: 06
Charisma: 07
Rank: 06

Profile: Astrotrain revels in the confusion he is able to cause as a TripleChanger. Flashing between robot, locomotive and space shuttle modes almost instantaneously, he is an expert at picking out the moment of utter perplexity in his opponent’s eyes. It’s at that moment that Astrotrain strikes without mercy. The fact that Astrotrain’s prey doesn’t have any idea what hit them is particularly pleasing to the murderous Decepticon. The idea that his victim’s last thoughts were a tangle of feat and panic keeps Astrotrain happy when performing his more mundane tasks, such as transport between battles.

Abilities: As a TripleChanger, Astrotrain is able to change between three alternate modes at almost twice the speed of an average Transformer. As a space shuttle, Astrotrain can achieve, under his own power, planetary orbit, where he can attain a maximum speed of more than 20,000 mph. He can launch weapons and satellites while in orbit, and carry other cargo as well. When traveling through space he can achieve speeds greater than 50,000 mph and, with sufficient energon, is capable of interstellar flight. As a train, his top speed on rail is 400 mph and he has a range of 2700 miles. In robot mode he has great strength and carries a powerful ionic displacer rifle, which destroys by disrupting molecular bonds in metal alloys with its beam.

Weaknesses: Astrotrain is prone to mechanical breakdowns as a train in his wheel assemblies. As a space shuttle his communications systems often fail him while re-entering the atmosphere.

Sample-
Lord Galvatron orders Astrotrain to land not too far from a city. The TripleChanger sighs and complies, hoping to do more in the upcoming battle than sit around as a getaway vehicle. He watches the Decepticon forces exit from his cargo area, relieved at the reduced weight.

His exalted leader, who he views to be a little cracked in the brain module, approaches. "Astrotrain!" he calls out. "I need a bombing run of the city's south side, immediately!"

Astrotrain had seen the entire city when he landed. He really couldn't tell the advantage that attacking one side over another. But he knew better than to point this out, plus it gave him a chance to terrorize some innocents. "Aye aye, my Lord," the underling says as he blasts off.

He hovers over the city, spotting a compatible track running up a hill. He flies low, blasting randomly, not caring what he hits, but enjoying the chaos it causes. He quickly converts to train mode and hits the track, his rifle still deployed and firing. He watches in fascination at the people running and screaming in terror. As he approaches the hill, he guns it. He knows he can't keep this speed for long or else he'd be a train wreck.

As he reaches the hill's tip and launches into the air. Astrotrain then converts back to shuttle mode, loading up the bombs. He watches each bomb plummet down and explode, revelling in the feeling of joy he has as more and more landscape is turned to waste. He focuses on one girl, who is crying and running for her life. He laughs as a bomb's explosion causes her to freeze.

Cmdr. Trailblazer wrote:Groundbomber

Affliction: Autobot

Function: Warrior, Tactician, Air Combatant

Alt mode: (Earth) Soviet MiG-25 fighter jet, crimson with grey and white highlights. (Not on Earth) Futuristic jet, same colors. [Think Blitzwing's Generations jet form.]

Appearance: Blitzwing's basic look, without most of his tank parts, save for the cannon, and a bit of bulk. She is replaces the purple with crimson and the tan and yellow with light grey and white respectfully. She has a grey, somewhat girly face, with a black helmet roughly in the design of cut-short hair.

Weapons: Deployable arm cannon stored on back. Turrets on shoulders and thighs. Energy pulse rifle. Energon dagger sword. Dual pistols. Rack of micro missiles in shoulders. The turrets, cannon, and missiles can be used in jet form.

Special Abilities: Unusually strong and durable.

Height: Unknown, but about the size of Blitzwing

Quote: "The day I lay down my arms to the Deceptions is the day of my death."

STRENGTH: 8
INTELLIGENCE: 8
DEXTERITY: 1
SPEED: 1
ENDURANCE: 9
COURAGE: 8
FIREPOWER: 8
Accuracy: 5
MELEE: 8
TECH SKILL: 4
CHARISMA: 3

Profile: A female secretly from the planet Caminus, Groundbomber is much like Arcee. She's a go getter, always ready for a fight. However, Groundbomber is impulsive, and will abandon a carefully thought out plan if she thinks she an alternative. A loner, most of her missions are ones she goes at alone. However, she is honorable, and will not kill a foe that is weaker than she without provocation. However, her secrets, particularly of her origins, discourages many a commander from giving her valuable intel. This lack of trust can anger her, and she's almost quit on multiple occasions. However, she believes in equality for all, and can't abandon those who need protection from the Deceptions' endless conquests, and will pull through when the going gets tough.
Her friendships are few and far between. She is not a good team player, and usually strike off on her own. However, she has a quick and dry wit, something she uses from taunting a foe to a defense mechanism.
To those who don't know her, however, think she is nothing beyond a dumb soldier. They think because if her brutish tactics, lack of social skills, and lack of computer skills make her unworthy of being anymore than an expendable trooper. In actuality, she has a keen and gifted mind. To the few that she gets close to, they will scratch the surface to find a tactical mind comparable to Optimus himself. This makes her resourceful, with a quick mind to match her wit. Unfortunately, her body is not as quick.

Abilities: She is slow, and can barely reach speeds of 60 MPH in net form. However, her armor is strong, and she's like an air tank. Big cannon on her back can deploy under her nose in jet form, with multiple kinds of ammo and configurations. Her turrets have multiple uses as well, from fire suppression to AA support. Cannot fly in bot mode, but as a jet, can fly in Alt mode. She can take a heavy beating and still keep moving. Just like her armor, she is exceptionally strong.

Weaknesses: Groundbomber is slow in both forms, and cannot do many complex moves other than punching and smashing. Lack of teamwork can lead to her being stranded in perilous areas without support. Her impulsive behavior can make her bite off more than she can chew. When Groundbomber's temper rises, so does her inner temperature. If she blows her stack, she can give herself internal injuries, which could end in fatality if not immediately attended to.

Sample Post: Groundbomber hit the ground hard. Behind her, she could hear shouts of the Deceptions who had noticed her presence. Running, an explosion knocked her off her feet.
She stood and looked up. Five fliers where headed her way. She transformed and lifted off herself. Groundbomber felt the firepower of the Seekers and promptly shrugged it off. She activated her cannon, which swung under her nose, and switched to gatling gun.
Her fire took two down immediately. The others flew past her. Deploying her rear turrets, Groundbomber took down two more. The last tried to escape. However, she slowly swung around and fired a burst of micro missiles, taking that down.
An explosion above her brought her attention to an AA gun. She flew towards it, transformed into robot mode and engaged the guards around it. Before she hit the ground, she already had her sword and rifle in hand. She took out one with a shot and decapitated another with her sword once she got in range.
She reached around and attached her cannon to her right arm. Switching to anti armor, she blasted one trooper through the chest at close range, taking out the one behind her. The door to the controls to the turret was all that was left, although Groundbomber knew more was coming.
She tried the lock. Sure enough, it was sealed. Strapping her rifle and sword, she opened it the only other way she knew how: with a punch through the control panel and ripping out the internal components. It only opened the door part way, so she put a hand on both sides and opened it all the way.
Unfortunately, before she entered, she found the three gunners aiming at her. She was to slow to dodge the blasts that followed. However, she absorbed them and walked in, grabbing one by the neck and snapping it, then opening fire with her cannon on another. The last on jumped on her, attempting to bring her down. She activated her shoulder mounted currents and fired, hitting his head.
Sitting down in one of the chairs, she signaled the Autobots forces: the course was clear to send drop ships.
She blasted the controls of the turret before doing one of the few computer commands she knew: self-destruct. Groundbomber walked out, only to see a dozen troops advancing towards her. With the turret exploring behind her, she pulled out her pistols and jumped into the field, ready to clear the way for her fellow Autobots...

[I didn't see a place for custom characters, so I put this here.]

(My apologies for seemingly reposting this. I was supposed to be editing my actual application, not quoting it. Thanks, ctrlFrequency for pointing this out. )

Nexus Knight wrote:Astrotrain

Name: Astrotrain
Allegiance: Decepticon
Sub-group: TripleChanger
Function: Military Transport
Alt. mode: U.S. NASA Space Shuttle/ General Electric U28C diesel-electric six-axle locomotive
Weapons: Ionic Displacer Rifle (deployable in all modes), small bombs (deployable in shuttle mode)
Height: 40ft / 12.20m
Quote: “In confusion, there's opportunity."

Strength: 09
Intelligence: 07
Dexterity: 06
Speed: 10
Endurance: 08
Courage: 07
Firepower: 07
Accuracy: 07
Melee: 07
Tech Skill: 06
Charisma: 07
Rank: 06

Profile: Astrotrain revels in the confusion he is able to cause as a TripleChanger. Flashing between robot, locomotive and space shuttle modes almost instantaneously, he is an expert at picking out the moment of utter perplexity in his opponent’s eyes. It’s at that moment that Astrotrain strikes without mercy. The fact that Astrotrain’s prey doesn’t have any idea what hit them is particularly pleasing to the murderous Decepticon. The idea that his victim’s last thoughts were a tangle of feat and panic keeps Astrotrain happy when performing his more mundane tasks, such as transport between battles.

Abilities: As a TripleChanger, Astrotrain is able to change between three alternate modes at almost twice the speed of an average Transformer. As a space shuttle, Astrotrain can achieve, under his own power, planetary orbit, where he can attain a maximum speed of more than 20,000 mph. He can launch weapons and satellites while in orbit, and carry other cargo as well. When traveling through space he can achieve speeds greater than 50,000 mph and, with sufficient energon, is capable of interstellar flight. As a train, his top speed on rail is 400 mph and he has a range of 2700 miles. In robot mode he has great strength and carries a powerful ionic displacer rifle, which destroys by disrupting molecular bonds in metal alloys with its beam.

Weaknesses: Astrotrain is prone to mechanical breakdowns as a train in his wheel assemblies. As a space shuttle his communications systems often fail him while re-entering the atmosphere.

Sample-
Lord Galvatron orders Astrotrain to land not too far from a city. The TripleChanger sighs and complies, hoping to do more in the upcoming battle than sit around as a getaway vehicle. He watches the Decepticon forces exit from his cargo area, relieved at the reduced weight.

His exalted leader, who he views to be a little cracked in the brain module, approaches. "Astrotrain!" he calls out. "I need a bombing run of the city's south side, immediately!"

Astrotrain had seen the entire city when he landed. He really couldn't tell the advantage that attacking one side over another. But he knew better than to point this out, plus it gave him a chance to terrorize some innocents. "Aye aye, my Lord," the underling says as he blasts off.

He hovers over the city, spotting a compatible track running up a hill. He flies low, blasting randomly, not caring what he hits, but enjoying the chaos it causes. He quickly converts to train mode and hits the track, his rifle still deployed and firing. He watches in fascination at the people running and screaming in terror. As he approaches the hill, he guns it. He knows he can't keep this speed for long or else he'd be a train wreck.

As he reaches the hill's tip and launches into the air. Astrotrain then converts back to shuttle mode, loading up the bombs. He watches each bomb plummet down and explode, revelling in the feeling of joy he has as more and more landscape is turned to waste. He focuses on one girl, who is crying and running for her life. He laughs as a bomb's explosion causes her to freeze.

Okay, you're using a pre-approved profile so that's good and your sample post looks solid. Therefore, I think we can call this app approved!

Now, bear in mind that Galvatron has not been introduced into the game as yet so he's not the one giving Astrotrain orders currently. If you haven't already, read through the RPG History and Notes section along with the Rules and Guidelines to get a feel for how the game is played. Otherwise, make an entry for yourself in the Roll Call section and you're good to go.

Astrotrain was last seen in the main hangar bay on board the battlecruiser Thanatos. He's in shuttle mode currently allowing the other Decepticons to disembark. You can pick him up there. Welcome aboard and have fun!

Cmdr. Trailblazer wrote:

Cmdr. Trailblazer wrote:Groundbomber

Affliction: Autobot

Function: Warrior, Tactician, Air Combatant

Alt mode: (Earth) Soviet MiG-25 fighter jet, crimson with grey and white highlights. (Not on Earth) Futuristic jet, same colors. [Think Blitzwing's Generations jet form.]

Appearance: Blitzwing's basic look, without most of his tank parts, save for the cannon, and a bit of bulk. She is replaces the purple with crimson and the tan and yellow with light grey and white respectfully. She has a grey, somewhat girly face, with a black helmet roughly in the design of cut-short hair.

Weapons: Deployable arm cannon stored on back. Turrets on shoulders and thighs. Energy pulse rifle. Energon dagger sword. Dual pistols. Rack of micro missiles in shoulders. The turrets, cannon, and missiles can be used in jet form.

Special Abilities: Unusually strong and durable.

Height: Unknown, but about the size of Blitzwing

Quote: "The day I lay down my arms to the Deceptions is the day of my death."

STRENGTH: 8
INTELLIGENCE: 8
DEXTERITY: 1
SPEED: 1
ENDURANCE: 9
COURAGE: 8
FIREPOWER: 8
Accuracy: 5
MELEE: 8
TECH SKILL: 4
CHARISMA: 3

Profile: A female secretly from the planet Caminus, Groundbomber is much like Arcee. She's a go getter, always ready for a fight. However, Groundbomber is impulsive, and will abandon a carefully thought out plan if she thinks she an alternative. A loner, most of her missions are ones she goes at alone. However, she is honorable, and will not kill a foe that is weaker than she without provocation. However, her secrets, particularly of her origins, discourages many a commander from giving her valuable intel. This lack of trust can anger her, and she's almost quit on multiple occasions. However, she believes in equality for all, and can't abandon those who need protection from the Deceptions' endless conquests, and will pull through when the going gets tough.
Her friendships are few and far between. She is not a good team player, and usually strike off on her own. However, she has a quick and dry wit, something she uses from taunting a foe to a defense mechanism.
To those who don't know her, however, think she is nothing beyond a dumb soldier. They think because if her brutish tactics, lack of social skills, and lack of computer skills make her unworthy of being anymore than an expendable trooper. In actuality, she has a keen and gifted mind. To the few that she gets close to, they will scratch the surface to find a tactical mind comparable to Optimus himself. This makes her resourceful, with a quick mind to match her wit. Unfortunately, her body is not as quick.

Abilities: She is slow, and can barely reach speeds of 60 MPH in net form. However, her armor is strong, and she's like an air tank. Big cannon on her back can deploy under her nose in jet form, with multiple kinds of ammo and configurations. Her turrets have multiple uses as well, from fire suppression to AA support. Cannot fly in bot mode, but as a jet, can fly in Alt mode. She can take a heavy beating and still keep moving. Just like her armor, she is exceptionally strong.

Weaknesses: Groundbomber is slow in both forms, and cannot do many complex moves other than punching and smashing. Lack of teamwork can lead to her being stranded in perilous areas without support. Her impulsive behavior can make her bite off more than she can chew. When Groundbomber's temper rises, so does her inner temperature. If she blows her stack, she can give herself internal injuries, which could end in fatality if not immediately attended to.

Sample Post: Groundbomber hit the ground hard. Behind her, she could hear shouts of the Deceptions who had noticed her presence. Running, an explosion knocked her off her feet.
She stood and looked up. Five fliers where headed her way. She transformed and lifted off herself. Groundbomber felt the firepower of the Seekers and promptly shrugged it off. She activated her cannon, which swung under her nose, and switched to gatling gun.
Her fire took two down immediately. The others flew past her. Deploying her rear turrets, Groundbomber took down two more. The last tried to escape. However, she slowly swung around and fired a burst of micro missiles, taking that down.
An explosion above her brought her attention to an AA gun. She flew towards it, transformed into robot mode and engaged the guards around it. Before she hit the ground, she already had her sword and rifle in hand. She took out one with a shot and decapitated another with her sword once she got in range.
She reached around and attached her cannon to her right arm. Switching to anti armor, she blasted one trooper through the chest at close range, taking out the one behind her. The door to the controls to the turret was all that was left, although Groundbomber knew more was coming.
She tried the lock. Sure enough, it was sealed. Strapping her rifle and sword, she opened it the only other way she knew how: with a punch through the control panel and ripping out the internal components. It only opened the door part way, so she put a hand on both sides and opened it all the way.
Unfortunately, before she entered, she found the three gunners aiming at her. She was to slow to dodge the blasts that followed. However, she absorbed them and walked in, grabbing one by the neck and snapping it, then opening fire with her cannon on another. The last on jumped on her, attempting to bring her down. She activated her shoulder mounted currents and fired, hitting his head.
Sitting down in one of the chairs, she signaled the Autobots forces: the course was clear to send drop ships.
She blasted the controls of the turret before doing one of the few computer commands she knew: self-destruct. Groundbomber walked out, only to see a dozen troops advancing towards her. With the turret exploring behind her, she pulled out her pistols and jumped into the field, ready to clear the way for her fellow Autobots...

[I didn't see a place for custom characters, so I put this here.]

(My apologies for seemingly reposting this. I was supposed to be editing my actual application, not quoting it. Thanks, ctrlFrequency for pointing this out. )

Okay, sorry for the wait. Fanmades take more time to review than canons.

This is not a bad first attempt. However, it does need some work before I can approve it. Let’s start off with the small things and work our way up.

First, you cannot have stats as low as 1. The rules for fanmades say at least 3 or higher. Second, you need to choose a height and not just compare it to Blitzwing. Around 30 or 31 feet would probably be good choices if you want to go with either of those. Third, the tech ability needs to be higher considering your character has an 8 for intelligence. Someone that smart would be pretty knowledgable regarding tech stuff. It can be lower than intelligence, but not as low as 4. Maybe 5 or 6. Fourth, your sample post is pretty good but it looks run together. When you start a new paragraph hit enter twice in order to leave an empty line between paragraphs. It makes thing much easier to read. Fifth, you listed a lot of weapons and I think it’s a little too much. Try reducing the number of weapons to maybe four. That would be better and not overloaded. Sixth, please pick one function. You have three listed, which is too many.

Now, on to my biggest issue with Groundbomber. You describe her as an “air tank” who is very slow and can barely reach speeds of 60 mph. However, her alt mode is a MIG which is sleeker and can reach speeds of Mach 3. Even jets that aren’t that fast are generally never as low as a stat speed of 1 or even 3 for that matter. I would suggest changing her alt mode to something like the A-10 Thunderbolt II which has a maximum speed of 420 mph. This would translate into a stat level of 5, which is still not quick for a jet, but is more reasonable. The A-10 is also well armored kinda like a tank. However, if you want to keep the MIG alt mode, then she can’t be described as an “air tank” and her speed would have to be much higher like 8 or 9 as MIGs are pretty fast.

As a reminder, the highest allowable total stats points for fanmades is 70. You are currently at 63 so you do have room to add to dexterity and speed. However, be careful not to go over 70. Depending on if you change the alt mode or not, you may have to lower a few of your higher stats a bit to accommodate the changes you make to speed along with the other stats I mentioned above. You have a lot of 8 stats and one 9 so it is doable.

Furthermore, I saw that Groundbomber is from Caminus, which is okay. Bear in mind, however, that there are a couple of other femme characters already in the game that hail from there, too. So, it’s possible that they may remember your character and thus Groundbomber might not be able to keep her secret for long. It’s something to think about as you may want to work things out with those players.

Lastly, I would avoid making comparisons to other characters when describing yours. You describe Groundbomber as looking like Blitzwing a few times and it’s really not necessary especially considering she’s not a triplechanger and doesn’t have all of his tank parts anyway. Thus her look would be very different in my opinion. Make Groundbomber her own unique character and not something that’s already been seen before. That would make her far more interesting.

All in all, like I said, this is a good start. There were a few spelling mistakes I noticed throughout, so double check that. Otherwise, make the other changes I’ve outlined above and rethink the alt mode, increasing her speed accordingly. Then repost and we’ll take another look at it. If you have any questions feel free to ask.

EDIT: Also, it's "Allegiance" not "Affliction" where you say he's an Autobot.

Take two!

Groundbomber

Allegiance: Autobot

Function: Warrior

Alt mode: (Earth) Boeing B-52 Stratofortress (Not on Earth) Cybertronian low flying bomber. Both are mostly crimson, with light grey engines and white outlines.

Holomatter Avatar: Woman with long red hair and a fight suit same colors as her 'bot mode.

Appearance: Folded up wings at forty-five degree angles attached to her back. Cannon on left forearm. Broad shoulders leading to heavy built arms. Slight hourglass figure. Colors are primarily crimson, with light grey on her face, upper limbs, and chest and white outlines. Feminine face, with a half spherical helmet designed like short cut hair.

Weapons: Multipurpose arm cannon/turret. (Both modes) Pulse rifle. Energon dagger sword. (Robot mode) Various explosives and bombs. Missiles (Alt mode).

Special Abilities: Unusually strong and durable.

Height: 31 feet

Quote: "The day I lay down my arms to the Deceptions is the day of my death."

STRENGTH: 8
INTELLIGENCE: 8
DEXTERITY: 3
SPEED: 5
ENDURANCE: 9
COURAGE: 8
FIREPOWER: 8
ACCURACY: 7
MELEE: 6
TECH SKILL: 5
CHARISMA: 3

Profile: A female secretly from the planet Caminus, Groundbomber is much like Arcee. She's a go getter, always ready for a fight. However, Groundbomber is impulsive, and will abandon a carefully thought out plan if she sees a better strategy. However, she is honorable, and will not kill a foe that is weaker than she without provocation. However, her secrets, particularly of her origins, discourages many a commander from giving her valuable intel. This lack of trust can anger her, and she's almost quit on multiple occasions. However, she believes in equality for all, and can't abandon those who need protection from the Deceptions' endless conquests, and will pull through when the going gets tough.

Her friendships are few and far between. She is not a good team player, and usually strike off on her own. However, she has a quick and dry wit, something she uses from taunting a foe to a defense mechanism. The friends that she does make, she holds close and dear to her. Woe to anyone who takes out one of her inner circle.

To those who don't know her, however, think she is nothing beyond a dumb soldier. They think because of her brutish tactics, lack of social skills, and lack of computer skills make her unworthy of being anymore than an expendable trooper. In actuality, she has a keen and gifted mind. To the few that she gets close to, they will scratch the surface to find a tactical mind comparable to Optimus himself. This makes her resourceful, with a quick mind to match her wit. Unfortunately, her body is not as quick.

Groundbomber thinks she is indestructible, and with her very high armor strength, she isn't too far off. However, this impulse tendency, along with her temper, usually lands her either in the middle of a perilous situation. That, or a court martial.

Even with this streak of brashnesss, she harbors insecurities. Groundbomber is afraid to lead soldiers into battle, for fear of killing them. She is scared that if anyone ever finds out where she came from, she'd be mocked and treated as a lesser being. As such, she refuses to take command guess in dire straits, and has drastically changed her appearance and even her name to keep from being recognized.

Abilities: Reaches speeds of 650 MPH, can go down to under 600 if carrying a heavy load. Groundbomber's cannon can have several purposes and ammo types, such as gatling, shotgun, long-range to name a few. Her rifle fires blasts of energon that can pierce armor fairly easily. She carriers multiple missiles and types. However, her strength lies in her physical power and durability. She also has a quick and talented mind, capable of looking at several angles to a problem and solving it quickly. Groundbomber also has a visor that comes down over her eyes that serves as binoculars, scanner, and a tactical overview.

Weaknesses: Groundbomber is slow in both forms, and cannot do many complex moves other than punching and smashing. Lack of teamwork can lead to her being stranded in perilous areas without support. Her impulsive behavior can make her bite off more than she can chew. When Groundbomber's temper rises, so does her inner temperature. If she blows her stack, she can give herself internal injuries, which could end in fatality if not immediately attended to.

Sample Post: Groundbomber jumped out of the dropship just in time and transformed before she hit the ground. She headed toward a a squad of five Seekers that had shot down her ship and the people in it. Groundbomber deployed her cannon, which swung up above her cockpit.

She switched to her gatling gun and opened fire. At the same time, she fired a missile volley. Three of the five went up in flames. A fourth got hit and went down. The fifth flew over her.

Before Groundbomber could turn around, she was hit by a missile from behind. Her frame shuddered under the impact, but her armor held. Her turret turned toward the Deception jet and fired another volley, but her aim was off, way off.

Pesky jet. She thought as it flew under her. Fortunately, she was able to reload her missiles and fired two more. They both hit and the flier, and he disappeared in a ball of fire.

An explosion above her brought her attention to an AA gun. She flew towards it, transformed into robot mode and engaged the guards around it. Before she hit the ground, she already had her sword and rifle in hand. She took out one with a shot and decapitated another with her sword once she got in range.

She reached around and attached her cannon to her right arm. Switching to anti armor, she blasted one trooper through the chest at close range, taking out the one behind her. The door to the controls to the turret was all that was left, although Groundbomber knew more was coming.

She tried the lock. Sure enough, it was sealed. Strapping her rifle and sword, she opened it the only other way she knew how: with a punch through the control panel and ripping out the internal components. It only opened the door part way, so she put a hand on both sides and opened it all the way.

Unfortunately, before she entered, she found the three gunners aiming at her. She was to slow to dodge the blasts that followed. However, she absorbed them and walked in, grabbing one by the neck and snapping it, then opening fire with her cannon on another. The last on jumped on her, attempting to bring her down. She grabbed her rifle, and fired at him, blasting his chest.

Sitting down in one of the chairs, she signaled the Autobots forces: the course was clear to send drop ships.

She blasted the controls of the turret before doing one of the few computer commands she knew: self-destruct. Groundbomber walked out, only to see a dozen troops advancing towards her. With the turret exploding behind her, she pulled out her sword and jumped into the field, ready to clear the way for her fellow Autobots...

[Woulda added more to the sample, or redone the second part entirely, but I was getting busy and had to stop.]

Cmdr. Trailblazer wrote:Take two!

Groundbomber

Allegiance: Autobot

Function: Warrior

Alt mode: (Earth) Boeing B-52 Stratofortress (Not on Earth) Cybertronian low flying bomber. Both are mostly crimson, with light grey engines and white outlines.

Holomatter Avatar: Woman with long red hair and a fight suit same colors as her 'bot mode.

Appearance: Folded up wings at forty-five degree angles attached to her back. Cannon on left forearm. Broad shoulders leading to heavy built arms. Slight hourglass figure. Colors are primarily crimson, with light grey on her face, upper limbs, and chest and white outlines. Feminine face, with a half spherical helmet designed like short cut hair.

Weapons: Multipurpose arm cannon/turret. (Both modes) Pulse rifle. Energon dagger sword. (Robot mode) Various explosives and bombs. Missiles (Alt mode).

Special Abilities: Unusually strong and durable.

Height: 31 feet

Quote: "The day I lay down my arms to the Deceptions is the day of my death."

STRENGTH: 8
INTELLIGENCE: 8
DEXTERITY: 3
SPEED: 5
ENDURANCE: 9
COURAGE: 8
FIREPOWER: 8
ACCURACY: 7
MELEE: 6
TECH SKILL: 5
CHARISMA: 3

Profile: A female secretly from the planet Caminus, Groundbomber is much like Arcee. She's a go getter, always ready for a fight. However, Groundbomber is impulsive, and will abandon a carefully thought out plan if she sees a better strategy. However, she is honorable, and will not kill a foe that is weaker than she without provocation. However, her secrets, particularly of her origins, discourages many a commander from giving her valuable intel. This lack of trust can anger her, and she's almost quit on multiple occasions. However, she believes in equality for all, and can't abandon those who need protection from the Deceptions' endless conquests, and will pull through when the going gets tough.

Her friendships are few and far between. She is not a good team player, and usually strike off on her own. However, she has a quick and dry wit, something she uses from taunting a foe to a defense mechanism. The friends that she does make, she holds close and dear to her. Woe to anyone who takes out one of her inner circle.

To those who don't know her, however, think she is nothing beyond a dumb soldier. They think because of her brutish tactics, lack of social skills, and lack of computer skills make her unworthy of being anymore than an expendable trooper. In actuality, she has a keen and gifted mind. To the few that she gets close to, they will scratch the surface to find a tactical mind comparable to Optimus himself. This makes her resourceful, with a quick mind to match her wit. Unfortunately, her body is not as quick.

Groundbomber thinks she is indestructible, and with her very high armor strength, she isn't too far off. However, this impulse tendency, along with her temper, usually lands her either in the middle of a perilous situation. That, or a court martial.

Even with this streak of brashnesss, she harbors insecurities. Groundbomber is afraid to lead soldiers into battle, for fear of killing them. She is scared that if anyone ever finds out where she came from, she'd be mocked and treated as a lesser being. As such, she refuses to take command guess in dire straits, and has drastically changed her appearance and even her name to keep from being recognized.

Abilities: Reaches speeds of 650 MPH, can go down to under 600 if carrying a heavy load. Groundbomber's cannon can have several purposes and ammo types, such as gatling, shotgun, long-range to name a few. Her rifle fires blasts of energon that can pierce armor fairly easily. She carriers multiple missiles and types. However, her strength lies in her physical power and durability. She also has a quick and talented mind, capable of looking at several angles to a problem and solving it quickly. Groundbomber also has a visor that comes down over her eyes that serves as binoculars, scanner, and a tactical overview.

Weaknesses: Groundbomber is slow in both forms, and cannot do many complex moves other than punching and smashing. Lack of teamwork can lead to her being stranded in perilous areas without support. Her impulsive behavior can make her bite off more than she can chew. When Groundbomber's temper rises, so does her inner temperature. If she blows her stack, she can give herself internal injuries, which could end in fatality if not immediately attended to.

Sample Post: Groundbomber jumped out of the dropship just in time and transformed before she hit the ground. She headed toward a a squad of five Seekers that had shot down her ship and the people in it. Groundbomber deployed her cannon, which swung up above her cockpit.

She switched to her gatling gun and opened fire. At the same time, she fired a missile volley. Three of the five went up in flames. A fourth got hit and went down. The fifth flew over her.

Before Groundbomber could turn around, she was hit by a missile from behind. Her frame shuddered under the impact, but her armor held. Her turret turned toward the Deception jet and fired another volley, but her aim was off, way off.

Pesky jet. She thought as it flew under her. Fortunately, she was able to reload her missiles and fired two more. They both hit and the flier, and he disappeared in a ball of fire.

An explosion above her brought her attention to an AA gun. She flew towards it, transformed into robot mode and engaged the guards around it. Before she hit the ground, she already had her sword and rifle in hand. She took out one with a shot and decapitated another with her sword once she got in range.

She reached around and attached her cannon to her right arm. Switching to anti armor, she blasted one trooper through the chest at close range, taking out the one behind her. The door to the controls to the turret was all that was left, although Groundbomber knew more was coming.

She tried the lock. Sure enough, it was sealed. Strapping her rifle and sword, she opened it the only other way she knew how: with a punch through the control panel and ripping out the internal components. It only opened the door part way, so she put a hand on both sides and opened it all the way.

Unfortunately, before she entered, she found the three gunners aiming at her. She was to slow to dodge the blasts that followed. However, she absorbed them and walked in, grabbing one by the neck and snapping it, then opening fire with her cannon on another. The last on jumped on her, attempting to bring her down. She grabbed her rifle, and fired at him, blasting his chest.

Sitting down in one of the chairs, she signaled the Autobots forces: the course was clear to send drop ships.

She blasted the controls of the turret before doing one of the few computer commands she knew: self-destruct. Groundbomber walked out, only to see a dozen troops advancing towards her. With the turret exploding behind her, she pulled out her sword and jumped into the field, ready to clear the way for her fellow Autobots...

[Woulda added more to the sample, or redone the second part entirely, but I was getting busy and had to stop.]

My apologies for taking longer than I had intended. I was feeling under the weather this week, so it slowed me down some.

Anyway, I must say your second try has addressed every issue I had with your first attempt. The profile looks solid and the sample is much easier to read and looks just as solid. Very nice job. I think we can call this application approved! All you need to do now is add your character's profile to the Custom Autobots section and then make an entry in the Roll Call thread and you're good to go.

By the way, where were you planning on starting Groundbomber? On Earth? PM me your response when you have a chance.

Anyway, congrats and welcome aboard!

Name: Dusk

Allegiance: Decepticon

Function: Assassin

Alt. mode: [Cybertron] Cybertronian Jet [Earth] Vampire Bat

Appearance: [Cybertron] Has a sleek and slender body which can slide through tiny gaps. Wears a faceplate over the mouth and can move his visual optics like a chameleon. Has a teal and purple colour scheme, the body being teal and the armour (Shoulder Pads, Torso Armour etc.) being purple. Has wings folded up on his back which fold out to become the wings of his jet. Has a teal canopy running down the middle of the torso with a purple nosecone at the end which become the pilot area of the jet. [Earth] Just like his Cybertron appearance but instead of jet wings they are bat-like wings. Instead of a canopy and nosecone he has a bat head. His colour scheme is also different, the body becoming grey and the armour becoming blue.

Weapons: Energon Blade (Can split into dual energon knives) and Stun Rifle

Special Abilities: Cloaking device and enhanced optical and visual sensors

Height: 31 feet/9 metres

Quote: "Slaughter or be slaughtered!"

STRENGTH: 5
INTELLIGENCE: 6
DEXTERITY: 9
SPEED: 8
ENDURANCE: 6
COURAGE: 7
FIREPOWER: 3
ACCURACY: 6
MELEE: 6
TECH SKILL: 7
CHARISMA: 3
RANK:

Profile: Dusk is an assassin who does his job best when he thinks he is hidden. Like Breakdown, he has a paranoia of being watched. Dusk has a cloaking device which he can turn on and off with a flick of a switch. However, if the cloaking device is damaged it can lead him to retreating, which the Decepticons do not take lightly. His optical and visual sensors are enhanced enabling him to spy on Autobots a lot easier, relieving his paranoia. Dusk's audio receptors are damaged and beyond repair, so he is unable to talk. Fortunately, Dusk likes it this way, as it prevents any Autobots from getting information out of him, if he is captured, in case they use any special kind of weaponry. But, because of that, the Decepticons find it hard to trust him, which angers him.

Abilities: He is equipped with a stun rifle, which when fired, can stun enemies for a long period of time if hit. He also has an energon blade, which is a sword forged from dark energon. If hit by an energon blade, a transformer's system would overload and shutdown if it was struck by it in certain places. He is also capable of advanced acrobatics due to his sleek body and high dexterity.

Weaknesses: If exposed to many enemies, Dusk can become overwhelmed as he is not trained for that kind of situation.

Sample Post: Dusk lay in the vents of the Autobot Military Base carefully listening to the voices below him.

"We're needed, boys," said the familiar voice of Brawn.

However, the other two Autobots, he did not recognise. Dusk waited until he heard the footsteps of the three Autobots leaving. He slid out his energon blade from his belt and stabbed it into the green metal, he then cut the shape of a circle. The circle of metal crashed onto the floor below and then Dusk jumped down towards it. He examined the room carefully watching out to see if there were any traps. Suddenly, pieces of the walls transformed into turrets. Dusk quickly reacted and stabbed them with the blade, destroying them. He then headed to the computer which he thought held valuable information. He turned it on and it asked for a code. Dusk then released a code encryptor from his belt and strapped it onto the keyboard. Sparks flew out from the encryptor and then the code was typed in, 'BRAWN4LEADER'. Dusk then searched the data files for anything important, he found one titled 'Battle Strategies'. He then took out a USB Stick looking item and put it into one of the computer ports, he then downloaded the file onto it. He took the stick and jumped back into the vents. He then stopped and looked at his arm, he opened up a pad on it and sent a transmission to Razorclaw.

>>Mission accomplished.<<

Rainmaker wrote:Name: Dusk

Allegiance: Decepticon

Function: Assassin

Alt. mode: [Cybertron] Cybertronian Jet [Earth] Vampire Bat

Appearance: [Cybertron] Has a sleek and slender body which can slide through tiny gaps. Wears a faceplate over the mouth and can move his visual optics like a chameleon. Has a teal and purple colour scheme, the body being teal and the armour (Shoulder Pads, Torso Armour etc.) being purple. Has wings folded up on his back which fold out to become the wings of his jet. Has a teal canopy running down the middle of the torso with a purple nosecone at the end which become the pilot area of the jet. [Earth] Just like his Cybertron appearance but instead of jet wings they are bat-like wings. Instead of a canopy and nosecone he has a bat head. His colour scheme is also different, the body becoming grey and the armour becoming blue.

Weapons: Energon Blade (Can split into dual energon knives) and Stun Rifle

Special Abilities: Cloaking device and enhanced optical and visual sensors

Height: 31 feet/9 metres

Quote: "Slaughter or be slaughtered!"

STRENGTH: 5
INTELLIGENCE: 6
DEXTERITY: 9
SPEED: 8
ENDURANCE: 6
COURAGE: 7
FIREPOWER: 3
ACCURACY: 6
MELEE: 6
TECH SKILL: 7
CHARISMA: 3
RANK:

Profile: Dusk is an assassin who does his job best when he thinks he is hidden. Like Breakdown, he has a paranoia of being watched. Dusk has a cloaking device which he can turn on and off with a flick of a switch. However, if the cloaking device is damaged it can lead him to retreating, which the Decepticons do not take lightly. His optical and visual sensors are enhanced enabling him to spy on Autobots a lot easier, relieving his paranoia. Dusk's audio receptors are damaged and beyond repair, so he is unable to talk. Fortunately, Dusk likes it this way, as it prevents any Autobots from getting information out of him, if he is captured, in case they use any special kind of weaponry. But, because of that, the Decepticons find it hard to trust him, which angers him.

Abilities: He is equipped with a stun rifle, which when fired, can stun enemies for a long period of time if hit. He also has an energon blade, which is a sword forged from dark energon. If hit by an energon blade, a transformer's system would overload and shutdown if it was struck by it in certain places. He is also capable of advanced acrobatics due to his sleek body and high dexterity.

Weaknesses: If exposed to many enemies, Dusk can become overwhelmed as he is not trained for that kind of situation.

Sample Post: Dusk lay in the vents of the Autobot Military Base carefully listening to the voices below him.

"We're needed, boys," said the familiar voice of Brawn.

However, the other two Autobots, he did not recognise. Dusk waited until he heard the footsteps of the three Autobots leaving. He slid out his energon blade from his belt and stabbed it into the green metal, he then cut the shape of a circle. The circle of metal crashed onto the floor below and then Dusk jumped down towards it. He examined the room carefully watching out to see if there were any traps. Suddenly, pieces of the walls transformed into turrets. Dusk quickly reacted and stabbed them with the blade, destroying them. He then headed to the computer which he thought held valuable information. He turned it on and it asked for a code. Dusk then released a code encryptor from his belt and strapped it onto the keyboard. Sparks flew out from the encryptor and then the code was typed in, 'BRAWN4LEADER'. Dusk then searched the data files for anything important, he found one titled 'Battle Strategies'. He then took out a USB Stick looking item and put it into one of the computer ports, he then downloaded the file onto it. He took the stick and jumped back into the vents. He then stopped and looked at his arm, he opened up a pad on it and sent a transmission to Razorclaw.

>>Mission accomplished.<<

Okay, sorry for the wait. This is not a bad first attempt at a fanmade, but there are several places that need some work before we can move forward.

First, lets look at your stats. You are currently using a total of 66 points, which is fine since you are allotted a total of 70. However, you have two special abilities which will require stat penalties. The cloak takes off 6 points from the 70 and the enhanced optics will take off another 2 points. Thus, the total number of stat points you can have will be 62. Since you’re already down at 66 you only have to remove 4 more points. So be sure to reconfigure the individual stats accordingly.

Now, onto the alt modes. The Cybertronian jet mode is fine. However, the vampire bat Earth mode doesn’t make much sense for the character since he can’t hear anything due to his damaged audios and instead has enhanced optics. Bats are the other way around and can't see as well in the dark and rely on their enhanced hearing and sonar to be able to “see”.

Plus you have him as a vampire bat. Does that mean he drinks the energon of other mechs? You don’t say. If not, I would get rid of the vampire part. Even still, being a bat doesn’t make sense if he’s deaf because of his damaged audios. Thus, I would rethink his earth mode and come up with something else.

Also, if he can’t talk, how does he communicate with others? You need to detail how he does that. Does he use a form of sign language? You do realize that many deaf people have the ability to speak, especially if they weren't always deaf which I think would apply to Dusk since I'm sure he wasn't built with damaged audios. I'd think he'd be able to remember how to form words with his vocalizer even if it's not perfect speech due to his hearing loss. If I were you I'd do some research into how deaf people communicate and how they sound in order to help with your character.

In addition, if the Autobots can’t get any info out of him because he can’t talk, why would that make the cons not trust him? If anything the opposite would be the case. The cons would trust him since their info would be safe with him.

Now, on to your sample post. You have Dusk listening to autobot voices and footsteps, but your character can’t hear so it doesn’t make sense. You also have him ask for a code, but he’s not supposed to be able to talk. Same thing applies to sending a transmission to Razorclaw. He can’t talk unless the transmission was typed and not spoken, but if that’s the case you have to be more specific in your writing.

Also, when you rewrite your sample please try to break it down into more than one big paragraph as it would be easier to read and not seem as run together. Furthermore, according to the rules, a sample post must be at least 3 paragraphs in length.

Make the changes I’ve outlined above and then we’ll take another look at it.

[qoute]First, lets look at your stats. You are currently using a total of 66 points, which is fine since you are allotted a total of 70. However, you have two special abilities which will require stat penalties. The cloak takes off 6 points from the 70 and the enhanced optics will take off another 2 points. Thus, the total number of stat points you can have will be 62. Since you’re already down at 66 you only have to remove 4 more points. So be sure to reconfigure the individual stats accordingly.

Now, onto the alt modes. The Cybertronian jet mode is fine. However, the vampire bat Earth mode doesn’t make much sense for the character since he can’t hear anything due to his damaged audios and instead has enhanced optics. Bats are the other way around and can't see as well in the dark and rely on their enhanced hearing and sonar to be able to “see”.

Plus you have him as a vampire bat. Does that mean he drinks the energon of other mechs? You don’t say. If not, I would get rid of the vampire part. Even still, being a bat doesn’t make sense if he’s deaf because of his damaged audios. Thus, I would rethink his earth mode and come up with something else.

Also, if he can’t talk, how does he communicate with others? You need to detail how he does that. Does he use a form of sign language? You do realize that many deaf people have the ability to speak, especially if they weren't always deaf which I think would apply to Dusk since I'm sure he wasn't built with damaged audios. I'd think he'd be able to remember how to form words with his vocalizer even if it's not perfect speech due to his hearing loss. If I were you I'd do some research into how deaf people communicate and how they sound in order to help with your character.

In addition, if the Autobots can’t get any info out of him because he can’t talk, why would that make the cons not trust him? If anything the opposite would be the case. The cons would trust him since their info would be safe with him.

Now, on to your sample post. You have Dusk listening to autobot voices and footsteps, but your character can’t hear so it doesn’t make sense. You also have him ask for a code, but he’s not supposed to be able to talk. Same thing applies to sending a transmission to Razorclaw. He can’t talk unless the transmission was typed and not spoken, but if that’s the case you have to be more specific in your writing.

Also, when you rewrite your sample please try to break it down into more than one big paragraph as it would be easier to read and not seem as run together. Furthermore, according to the rules, a sample post must be at least 3 paragraphs in length.

Make the changes I’ve outlined above and then we’ll take another look at it.[/quote]

I will fix the stats

Where does it say he can't hear? What I meant by audio was he can't speak!

Hm, I'll rethink that

But, I thought it would be obvious... ;-;

Because he might be hiding some info?

Again, he can hear but he can't speak. Also, the code wasn't verbal as the sample post said the code was typed, transmission was typed too, I'll fix that.

Rainmaker wrote:First, lets look at your stats. You are currently using a total of 66 points, which is fine since you are allotted a total of 70. However, you have two special abilities which will require stat penalties. The cloak takes off 6 points from the 70 and the enhanced optics will take off another 2 points. Thus, the total number of stat points you can have will be 62. Since you’re already down at 66 you only have to remove 4 more points. So be sure to reconfigure the individual stats accordingly.

Now, onto the alt modes. The Cybertronian jet mode is fine. However, the vampire bat Earth mode doesn’t make much sense for the character since he can’t hear anything due to his damaged audios and instead has enhanced optics. Bats are the other way around and can't see as well in the dark and rely on their enhanced hearing and sonar to be able to “see”.

Plus you have him as a vampire bat. Does that mean he drinks the energon of other mechs? You don’t say. If not, I would get rid of the vampire part. Even still, being a bat doesn’t make sense if he’s deaf because of his damaged audios. Thus, I would rethink his earth mode and come up with something else.

Also, if he can’t talk, how does he communicate with others? You need to detail how he does that. Does he use a form of sign language? You do realize that many deaf people have the ability to speak, especially if they weren't always deaf which I think would apply to Dusk since I'm sure he wasn't built with damaged audios. I'd think he'd be able to remember how to form words with his vocalizer even if it's not perfect speech due to his hearing loss. If I were you I'd do some research into how deaf people communicate and how they sound in order to help with your character.

In addition, if the Autobots can’t get any info out of him because he can’t talk, why would that make the cons not trust him? If anything the opposite would be the case. The cons would trust him since their info would be safe with him.

Now, on to your sample post. You have Dusk listening to autobot voices and footsteps, but your character can’t hear so it doesn’t make sense. You also have him ask for a code, but he’s not supposed to be able to talk. Same thing applies to sending a transmission to Razorclaw. He can’t talk unless the transmission was typed and not spoken, but if that’s the case you have to be more specific in your writing.

Also, when you rewrite your sample please try to break it down into more than one big paragraph as it would be easier to read and not seem as run together. Furthermore, according to the rules, a sample post must be at least 3 paragraphs in length.

Make the changes I’ve outlined above and then we’ll take another look at it.

I will fix the stats

Where does it say he can't hear? What I meant by audio was he can't speak!

Hm, I'll rethink that

But, I thought it would be obvious... ;-;

Because he might be hiding some info?

Again, he can hear but he can't speak. Also, the code wasn't verbal as the sample post said the code was typed, transmission was typed too, I'll fix that.

You said his audio receptors were damaged beyond repair. His audio receptors are basically his EARS, hence if they are damaged he can't hear. If you are referring to his voice only then that's his vocalizer NOT his audio receptors.

What's obvious? Specify?

Hiding info from whom? You don't say anything about hiding info from the cons. You were talking about the Autobots. Hiding info from them won't make the cons distrust you.

My apologies. I misread your sample. I didn't realize it was the computer asking for the code. I thought Dusk was. Still, you never said the transmission was typed. That's why I said you need to be more clear in your writing.

From now on use the chatterbox to ask questions and chat like this and not the application thread to avoid clogging it up. Thanks.

Wanna take on this lad as an NPC.

Windsweeper

Allegiance: Decepticon
Sub-group: Triggercons
Function: Aerial Defense
Alternate Modes: Modified B-1B Lancer Bomber
Weapons: Laser Cannons, Smoldering Wings
Special Abilities: Long-range Infrared Scanners
Height: 30ft/ 9.14m
Quote: “Uninvited guests soon become smoldering wrecks."


Strength: 08
Intelligence: 03
Dexterity: 07
Speed: 07
Endurance: 07
Courage: 09
Firepower: 08
Accuracy: 07
Melee: 06
Tech Skill: 05
Charisma: 05
Rank: 05

Profile: Windsweeper’s dedication to his job is so great that it makes up for his quirky tendencies. Formerly the head of a sanitation department on Cybertron, Windsweeper was well known (and resented) for his meticulousness and cruel persecution of anyone he felt was “littering.” He applied that same demeanor to his job as a Decepticon air warrior. He feels that the sky is his property, and he wants it kept clean. Autobots and other “invaders” are fired upon without hesitation, and even his fellow Decepticons have to provide a series of codes for verification – otherwise Windsweeper will attack them too. Unfortunately for many of his fellow Decepticons, he still retains his neatfreak quirks with the same amount of zeal for his duties as an aerial warrior.

Abilities: Subject has great strength and above-average endurance. In his jet mode, his wing tips contain high-energy heat generators that allow the wings to melt through steel. His long-range infrared scanners can detect a 5 mm heat-generating object in a junkyard. In both modes, Subject is armed with quick-release laser cannons that can lock on target in seconds.

Weaknesses: Subject is not particularly intelligent. His overbearing attitude breeds resentment among the airborne Decepticons he harasses.

Foximus wrote:Wanna take on this lad as an NPC.

Windsweeper

Allegiance: Decepticon
Sub-group: Triggercons
Function: Aerial Defense
Alternate Modes: Modified B-1B Lancer Bomber
Weapons: Laser Cannons, Smoldering Wings
Special Abilities: Long-range Infrared Scanners
Height: 30ft/ 9.14m
Quote: “Uninvited guests soon become smoldering wrecks."


Strength: 08
Intelligence: 03
Dexterity: 07
Speed: 07
Endurance: 07
Courage: 09
Firepower: 08
Accuracy: 07
Melee: 06
Tech Skill: 05
Charisma: 05
Rank: 05

Profile: Windsweeper’s dedication to his job is so great that it makes up for his quirky tendencies. Formerly the head of a sanitation department on Cybertron, Windsweeper was well known (and resented) for his meticulousness and cruel persecution of anyone he felt was “littering." He applied that same demeanor to his job as a Decepticon air warrior. He feels that the sky is his property, and he wants it kept clean. Autobots and other “invaders” are fired upon without hesitation, and even his fellow Decepticons have to provide a series of codes for verification – otherwise Windsweeper will attack them too. Unfortunately for many of his fellow Decepticons, he still retains his neatfreak quirks with the same amount of zeal for his duties as an aerial warrior.

Abilities: Subject has great strength and above-average endurance. In his jet mode, his wing tips contain high-energy heat generators that allow the wings to melt through steel. His long-range infrared scanners can detect a 5 mm heat-generating object in a junkyard. In both modes, Subject is armed with quick-release laser cannons that can lock on target in seconds.

Weaknesses: Subject is not particularly intelligent. His overbearing attitude breeds resentment among the airborne Decepticons he harasses.

Profile looks good. He's all yours. Have fun with him!

Misfire


Name: Misfire
Allegiance: Decepticon
Function: Interceptor
Alt. mode: Cybertronian Jet, If on Earth: Su-47 Berkut
Weapons: Double-barreled Ion Particle Blaster, Shoulder-mounted Pulsar Cannons (launchers)
Height: 17 feet/ 5.1 meters
Length: 45 feet/ 13.7 meters
Quote: “Keep shooting; eventually you're bound to hit something!"


Strength: 7
Intelligence: 8
Dexterity: 7
Speed: 7
Endurance: 9
Courage: 4
Firepower: 7
Accuracy: 1
Melee: 4
Tech Skill: 6
Charisma: 7
Rank: 6


Profile: When Misfire shoots, his fellow Decepticons run for cover. Misfire has truly terrible aim, but he says he's improving. Regrettably, none of his fellow Decepticons share his confidence. Indeed, it is said Misfire only graduated from the Decepticon military academy because of the need for new troops. Megatron, however, sees some value in Misfire, deeming his tendency to fire blindly a useful asset when Decepticon forces are limited. To best make use of this talent, Misfire is usually assigned to smaller squads and low level field commanders. Despite his abysmal aim, Misfire is fairly charismatic and friendly, and gets along well with his Decepticon comrades.


Abilities: Misfire can endure many attacks thanks to the strength of his vehicle's frame and design. Despite his bulk, Misfire is very fast, reaching speeds of Mach 2.1 in vehicle mode, and is very capable of maintaining formation and engaging enemies in ship to ship combat. He excels at squad tactics and unit cohesion, and is easily able to adapt new strategies or maintain battle patterns... at least as long as he has a few comrades left to support him.


Weaknesses: Misfire's aim is his greatest weakness, as even targets at point blank range seem capable of eluding his particle shots. In addition to his poor targeting, Misfire is a bit cowardly and is quick to retreat when left unsupported.

Sample Post:

The Decpticon Military Academy was grueling, harsh. It was so bad that some who went in, never came out. However, it produced the best warriors and marksmen, as the Great Megatron claimed.

Looking at the purple and red bot training as an interceptor proved the latter statement false and null. His fellow cadets were in fear of him. However, he wasn't ruthless or cruel. He couldn't hit a target to save his life.

The bot's original name was unknown for some reason. So until he graduated, he went by the nickname "Aimless", for obvious reasons. So it was of no surprise to him that when the Autobots attacked the Academy, he wasn't called in to defend it.

So the bot sat in his quarters, the sounds of battle in his auditory senses. He knew that his fellow Deceptions would hold then off. The Autobots were too weak.

His room shook from an explosion. The Autobots were getting closer! He could hear the gunfire. The shouts of the fallen Deceptions. So, the bit ran out, in the opposite direction, to the armory.

He saw a machine gun. The bot grabbed it and looked out to see at least a dozen Cybertronians heading his direction. He just knew it was the Autobots! He closed his optics and squeezed the trigger, hoping that he'd hit his targets....

He opened his optics to see all twelve of the bots dead. He got them...but in closer inspection saw that they all had on them. Another explosion rocked the base. He saw more bots heading toward him.

This time, the bot opened fire, only to miss every shot. Seeing the Autobots get closer, he ran, dropping the gun. He escaped the building, transformed and flew off. A few minutes later, the whole Academy went up.

Without anymore classes to attend, the bot got to graduate, even though it was only because the Academy blew up. Later, an impromptu graduation ceremony was held, and the bot got his name, Misfire.