Burn wrote:This forum is in desperate need of original Poohy work stories
If you really want some.... I was going to post some but I wasn't sure if the Mods would be up to such pusy antics... hehe.
Boil Delights
The problem with boils is that their copious amounts of pus can oftentimes be difficult to locate... such was the case of a woman at work who had one on her hair line at the back of her head. As such no one really knew it was there... until...
My co-worker chum and I had to toilet the ladies, the woman was slumping in her chair (as she does), so I reached around with my arm to support the back of her neck and head as we leant her forward enough to get her in the hoist, I felt something really hot and damp against my arm... she roared as boils are most painful... I earned a punch to the guts for it, then I felt something running down my bare arm.
Sh1t it stank like a dead cat stuffed with dead fish. It'd obviously been there for a while, and the pus had the consistancy of rotten milk, only it was a yellow colour with flecks of red and brown. What made it extra nasty was I hadn't waxed my arms in a while so all the pus got stuck in the little hairs!! (Its a wise percaution to remove hair from arms... even the little ones, cos the elderlies can grab them with their crocked fingers and rip). Then, if that wasn't bad enough the lady rubbed the back of her neck then smeared pus down my pants. And it was all lumpy and yellow and stained. And stinky, very, very stinky.
I swear my pants still reek of it, and there's a big stain on the chair where she lent back.
Disorge + Tripe = ...
There's an old man who will only eat tripe.
He's a real arse hole.
He treats us all like slaves and is very, very racist.
He tries to make himself throw up and blames us for not giving him anti-emetics when HE denies them!
He decided to puke up tripe, on the carpet in the hall way.
We have a new kitten at work... guess who had the meal of their life that day?
Guess who had to clean it up...
No one went near the kitten for quite a few days because his breath smelt like tripe and vomit.
Just like a monkey
A lady who calls everyone else "the devil" (but not me, cos she likes me), shoved her hands down her pants, shat in them, then flung it round the lounge, nailing the fish tank.
Clotty McFee
A guy with a SPC has a MASSIVE infection in it, producing a smell so pungent no matter how much spray you use the place still stinks... (not as bad as the tripe vomit cat breath). Other day we went in to clean him up cos he was bed ridden and crapped himself, he had huge clots of blood oozing out of his "member", which is not where the catheter tube comes out of. There was blood all in the bed and he'd gotten his hands in it and then rubbed his face and hair, and removed his dentures, which were now covered in bladder blood clots that stunk. What made it worse, was some dumb arse hadn't latched the tubing so the dark, stinky urine went all over the floor and we walked in it.
More to come... if I don't "join the band".
