Booda wrote:Frankly, I couldn't read the whole article because of how poorly it was written. I got down to, "Hasbro wanted to bring the Transformers into the world of comic books so they signed a deal with Marvel Comics to produce a Transformers comic book. Marvel was one of the most popular comic book companies." The factoid about Marvel being popular is just sort of thrown in there, and the whole article is loaded with similar comments.
"Takara decide to reset the Microman line and reintroduce the line as New Microman. It did not stop there. Both Hassenfeld Brothers and Takara decided to combine this line with the transforming accessories Hassenfeld had developed. The result was yet another line named Micro Change. This was just the beginning, because Takara was about to take the Micro Change line a few more steps forward."
The entire above paragraph was entirely pointless. It could have been omitted without hurting the article whatsoever. In particular, it has the phrases, "it did not stop there," and "this was just the beginning," which are textbook examples of things to leave out when writing.
I hate to be so critical, but these are grade school mistakes. It's got the facts in it, but it's a really horrible read. There's more to proofreading and editting than running a spellchecker.
No hard feelings man, you don't like my style. I actually like your critical eye.
As for the paragraph you said I should have left out. I almost did. However, it leaves out a important part of the evolution of the Transformers line which I felt was important. So in my opinion it needs to be in there. Maybe I could have flushed it out more and it would have helped. Everytime I tried it would end up going off topic with more particulars then were needed.
Maybe the line about Marvel could have been left out, but I was trying to stress the fact that Hasbro was going after the best so to speak. Maybe I did do it too many times and you didn't like which I can understand because it seemed like over kill.
Was this my best writing, no. Will my future articles be better, I sure hope so.