Haha it's crazy, I literally had people anxiously asking me what the number 1 figure would be at BotCon. So worth it.
So without further ado...
Some figures are weird when you take them out of their context. Tell someone you have a transforming toaster and they'll look at you as if you just told them you have a transforming toaster. Travel back in time to the seventies and, before you hawk off your time machine to buy a MISB Wheeljack, even before you look up the word "hawk" because it doesn't look right, you'll have to explain to curious onlookers that the biggest show of the decade will involve a robot dinosaur fighting a camera menage-a-trois. But some figures get weirder and weirder the more you know about them.
Never did the weirdness start rolling in more than it did when Japan decided to tackle Beast Wars. Due to syndication rules and the laws of the sea Takara were unable to get their dub on while the series was still being shown in the West. As they say, if you can't join them, beat them. At weirdness.
So between Series 1 and 2 of Beast Wars Japan knocked out Beast Wars II, a series where G2 repaints fought BW repaints while G1 repaints looked on. And also there were some original molds! Despite including space pirates, drunken dragons, the Lion King and heroic peeing this series was no weirder than, say, the average LSD trip.
The sequel, Beast Wars Neo, kicked the craziness all the way up to Huh? While the bad guys were made up mostly of dinosaurs and lizards the heroes included a rabbit, a giraffe and A PENGUIN. Oh, and a mammoth. But one figure stands out even amongst this casual insanity.
The Ultimate Weirdness: Heinrad Who is Heinrad? And also, how?First up Heinrad is a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a box covered in some mysterious language (Japanese). There are layers and layers of weirdness, like a psychedelic onion.
Badger badger badger badger MUSHROOM MUSHROOM
First up, Heinrad's alt mode is a tanuki. What, you might ask, is a tanuki? Go on. Well since you asked, despite certain bad translations tanuki are not raccoons. A raccoon is a svelte, energetic animal prone to play-fighting, scampering and washing its paws while a tanuki is, not to put too fine a point on it, a Snorlax.
"LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAXXXXX"
But despite being more a footstool than a mammal the tanuki is the subject of many fables in Japan. And because there's no "logical" in "mythological" those fables are bloody weird. Basically the mythological tanuki has a number of characteristics that represent positive qualities such as big eyes for keen observation, a smile for friendliness and...something else, for prosperity.
Danglies, essentially.
Two of the other characteristics are a book of IOUs (representing trust) and a bottle of sake (representing being drunk as a skunk) and Heinrad has those too. Tey even combine into a cannon that fires, I assume, sake-infused empty promises.
In mythology tanuki are clumsy tricksters with great powers and Heinrad is no exception. His powers are as mysterious as they are untranslatable. I would like to frame them with some context. In Japanese continuity all of the heroic Cybertrons have ID numbers like C-1 or C-6 with C standing for Cybertron while all the Destrons are D-whatever with D standing for Donuts. Heinrad, however, despite to all intents being a hero is S-3, with the S designation usually reserved for clandestine third-faction characters. Not only that but with the exception of his rank (a respectable 7) all of his tech specs are simply "?". It soon becomes clear in the cartoon and manga that Heinrad is no ordinary customer; he can freeze, or even reverse time. Even later it is revealed that he is not merely the agent of a Prime or even a Primus; his master is no less than the god of Space-time! Since that's too awesome for Western continuity there he is just a clumsy drunk guy who can't control his powers.
It's time...for time.
Since he's such a timey-dude he has a clock on his chest. And I don't just mean a clock design, or a clock decal; this figure is an actual, bone-a-Fido working alarm clock. It works by pushing his head down. He is the original Chrono Label figure.
Of course the awesome time traveller has goggles. Of course he does.
And that's about it for the insanity of this list. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed procrastinating about it. The next list (which hopefully won't wait until next year) will not be in the toy forums but in the cartoon comics forum! Keep your eyes peeled, fact fans!
Diem happy at lastThis list is dedicated to Chupito the rabbit who sadly passed away during the writing of the list. He was weirder and sillier than anything that could appear here.
