Stories from a wild and crazy 'Con.

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Stories from a wild and crazy 'Con.

Postby Rodimus Prime » Sun Jul 23, 2017 11:27 pm

(Author’s note: The main characters of this collection of short stories are the 5 original Stunticons (Motormaster, Dragstrip, Wildrider, Breakdown and Dead End). For frame of reference, I’m using their personalities from Marvel G1 in their Combiner Wars bodies. Blackjack and Bombshell are also pseudo-main characters, for reasons you will learn if you choose to read. The stories are being told from Dragstrip’s 1st person perspective. As the reader, you're someone he's talking to, with a few asides (marked by separated paragraphs) to other characters passing through the scene. They take place in the G1 comic or cartoon timelines. I haven’t written fanfic in a long time, I hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think, good or bad.)


Hey! Mind if I take a seat? Anyone else sitting here? No? Thanks! Looks like a full house tonight, this is the only open spot! I don't recall your face, do you come here often? No? Oh, first timer! Hah, you're in for a treat here, my friend! Maccadam’s Old Oilhouse is not only a place famous on Cybertron, but in surrounding star systems as well. It may be on the Transformers’ home world, but its clientele is as diverse as there are planets in the Milky Way galaxy. The sign over the front door says “Oilhouse” but you can get almost any type of drink you desire. Maccadam caters to all customers who pass through from all corners of the galaxy. You got interstellar freight pilots, soldiers on leave from one war or another, unsavory characters on the run from whatever law is where they come from, bounty hunters, thrill seekers, and of course the local bots who come in after working whatever job they have or whatever hustle they’re through pulling for the day. Autobot, Decepticon, NAIL, it doesn’t matter. Here, they’re just Transformers. Sure, some fights break out once in a while over this, that or the other, but Maccadam is an old bot with a long history of impeccable service and top-quality product, and he has the respect of everyone who steps through that door, allegiances or views on the world be damned. Considering the crew I hang around with, this place does for me exactly what it’s supposed to do: let me wind down after some of the shenanigans my buddies and I get into more often than not. And let me tell you, we get into some rust-inducing adventures for sure. If you got the time, I can tell you a few stories over some high-octane energon, or even a few shots of 100-proof Engex, if your fuel pump can handle it.

Hey, bartender! A couple cans of straight energon for my friend and I!

My treat. I’m not sure how many I’m gonna have, tomorrow is an important day. We got big business in the Sea of Rust, my friends and I. Can’t tell you what it is, but it’s something Shockwave and Megatron have been planning on for a while. Hell, even I don’t know most of the details. We didn’t go to the meeting, only Motormaster did. I guess he’ll tell us everything tomorrow on the way down there. He might be a little out of control on the roads, but the big M takes his job seriously. He hates to be shown up by any of the other special teams, especially that skid-plate shiner Onslaught and his bunch. Ugh.

Thanks, friend. Put it on my tab, and keep ‘em coming. Better yet, put it on Wildrider’s tab. The crazy fool scratched up my paint job today, and put a couple of dents in my side, so he owes me. Next time maybe he’ll watch where he goes. But knowing him, that’s wishful thinking. And shoot a couple short-pipes of Engex down here, will ya?

Anyway, as I was saying. We get the jobs that the others think is either beneath them or are too dirty for them. Can you believe it? A Decepticon who thinks sabotaging an Autobot fuel depot or trashing some communications towers is not important enough in the cause. How full of yourself can you get? Of course, knowing Razorclaw and Onslaught, I’m not surprised. They do think they’re better than a lot of other ‘Cons, not just us. What I think it is, is that we were brought online on Earth before they were. That eats at their egos, knowing Megatron chose to bring the Stunticons online before either the vaunted Combaticons or the fearsome Predacons. Please. Individually, we can handle the Combaticons, no problem. Yeah, maybe the flyers might cause some problems, but the others? Heh. Motormaster would slap Onslaught around until he thought he was nothing but a protoform. The rest of us would make short work of the other Combaticons, they’re not tough enough for us. Now, if they were to combine? That would be interesting. Menasor against Bruticus? It might just be worth taking a few licks to find out who’s tougher.

Hey partner! I’m ready for the next one!

But the Predacons? Even I gotta admit, that’s another story. They are tough, no doubt. And ruthless. I mean, hunting is what they were made for. They’re probably the best, most cohesive combiner team in the Decepticon ranks. I hate to say it, but it’s true. Individually, they might be able to hold their own against us. Now, I still think Motormaster could put Razorclaw in his place, but the others? I don’t know. They’re a tough bunch, I’m not sure if the rest of us could handle them. I don’t know, maybe it’s the Engex talking, but it’s the truth and I don’t mind saying it. The Predacons could probably whip the Stunticons one-on-one, save for Motormaster. As for Predaking against Menansor? Forget it. We’re tough, and we can be brutal and out of control, but Predaking is just too strong. Not just for us, but for pretty much any other combiner team. Strength-wise, Devastator might be able to stand up to him, but he’s too slow and stupid, Predaking would tear him apart.

Say, is Maccadam here? I haven’t spoken to the old rustbucket in a couple of solar cycles. Is he doing good? Yeah? That’s good.

So, where was I? Oh yes. The Stunticons. I would love to say we were the first bunch that Megatron got right, after the monumental mess that Devastator turned out to be, but I can’t say Menasor is a lot better. More effective in battle? Hell yeah. But us five, we still got our problems. See, the four of us smaller guys, we can’t stand Motormaster. Quite frankly, he’s a total scraphead. He bullies us and treats us like scrap, like we’re his protoforms or something. Last time I checked, we were members of the team just like he is. We’re all needed to form Menasor. But he sees himself as more important than us. Why? Just because he’s bigger and stronger? He’s sure as hell not smarter. Then again, neither are the rest of them. Just between us, I think my cerebral circuits fire up more than the rest of them put together. I don’t mind saying it. I would die for my buddies in battle, no questions asked, but I tell you, it’s hard to live with them sometimes. Dead End? Ugh. What a downer. The bot is never happy! Never! He’s always doom and gloom. It’s a wonder he’s able to function in the middle of a fight at all. Matter of fact, he needs to be kicked in the skid plate once in a while by one of us to get him going. Wildrider? The total opposite. He is a gleefully reckless idiot. Cares nothing about no one else. Not even us! You know, once he saved Motormaster from Autobot imprisonment, or even death at the hand of Optimus Prime. Wanna hear the story? Let’s get some more Engex down here and I’ll tell ya.

Hey, Maccadam! Long time, old pal! Oh come on, don’t look at me like that. I didn’t even beat up any Autobots today! Heh. How about a couple more cans and another round of short-pipes? Thanks. Nah, Wildrider is paying.

The other guy? Breakdown? What a wimp! He’s always worried about himself! Sure, he gets into the fight just like the rest of us, but when we’re going through some down time? It’s like everything is going wrong with him. Even when he’s functioning in top condition! He always looks for some glitches or worn-out parts on himself. For Primus’s sake, how self-centered can one bot be? Heh. Then there’s me. What can I say? I am the model ‘Con soldier. I kid, I kid. Of course I got my problems. For one, I love speed. I mean, I LOVE speeding! I am the fastest out of the Stunticons, and I damn sure let them know it! They don’t like it, but too bad! Get some upgrades, you slowpokes! Haha! But seriously, as I was saying, I do most of the thinking and planning for the group. Physically, I might be the smallest, and even the weakest, but I am damn sure the fastest and the smartest. But think about this: us five, mashed into one big brute. I mean, Menasor is damn near unstoppable, but we couldn’t be more different from each other. Sometimes even I’m amazed we can function together as well as we do. Of course, Motormaster controls everything when we’re together, but it’s not because we’re oh-so-reverent of him. Like I said before, the bot is a bully and a scraphead. If we don’t do what he says, he has no problems kicking the nuts and bolts out of us, just for his own enjoyment. And Megatron and Shockwave let him do it! But still, I’d rather be a part of the team than not. When things get rough, we look out for each other and take care of business. And in the end, that’s what matters.

Hey, Swindle! What brings you in here? I was just talking about you guys to my friend here. No, just telling him the truth about the last time you and I butted heads. Yeah, it, that’s not right! Of course that’s how you see it. It’s a different view when you’re on your face eating the floor! Haha! What? Anytime, chump! Name the place, I’ll be there! Just you and me! Whatever, get your ten-cans and go slinking back to your punkass teammates. If you haven’t sold them all out yet! Oh yeah? Up your exhaust, you scraplet-chow!

What an idiot. Yeah, I smashed his cranial casing the last time us and the Combaticons got into it. It was getting serious too, I mean it. We actually combined and were about to trash Bruticus when Soundwave intervened. Good thing, too, because the Combaticons would be in stasis-lock right now if he didn’t. But anyways, just to finish giving you the rundown on us, if you’re still interested, we...OK, good. Because we sure have some interesting stories to tell. Well, I do anyway. I doubt any of the others would bother. Or if they tried, you wouldn’t understand them, heh. Motormaster would just yell at you, Breakdown wouldn’t be able to finish a sentence without asking you if you saw something wrong with his paint job, Wildrider probably wouldn’t even make sense between his jibbering and speed-talking, and Dead End would keep mumbling into his oilcan about how everything should have been the death of us until he passed out face-first in his Engex. That bot has some serious self-esteem issues and he always drowns them in lots and lots of high-test liquid. Oh well. We all gotta cope in our own way. But where was I? Right, the other two we got with us. For some reason, I’m not sure where, when, how or why, but we picked up this little guy named Blackjack. He’s actually not bad, especially for a Micromaster. He used to run his own crew, the Decepticon Race Car Patrol, but for some reason he’s now with us. Not sure what happened to his crew. Anyway, I like the little bot. He takes care of his business, and doesn’t take any crap from us. He even talks back to Motormaster more than any of us, haha. Not sure if that’s brave or stupid, considering that Motormaster could kill him with one stomp. And for some reason, when we combine, he becomes extra chest armor for Menasor. What a dumb idea! I mean, he takes the brunt of the hits we take in a fight! I wonder how he ever got convinced to attach to the big M’s chest. Whatever. So far, he’s held his own. Sure, he’s been banged up quite a bit, but he always bounces back, and being small, he’s easier to repair than we are. And personally, I sure am glad I’m not the smallest in the bunch anymore.

Bartender! One more round!

You liking it here so far? Like I said, this place is a crazy joint, but there’s nowhere else I’d rather be, heh. What do you think of my crew? You think you could run with us? Well, maybe….oh wait, I almost forgot! The spy! Well, that’s just my name for him. Bombshell. Yes, the Insecticon. He’s been assigned to us, for whatever reason. Megatron has him following us everywhere we go. He usually sticks with Motormaster, who can’t stand the little bug, but he can’t do anything about it. Megatron’s orders. But at least he comes in handy in a fight. For a small ‘Con, he can do some serious damage. He can also turn into a blaster we can use in a fight if we need him. But mostly he fights on his own. The rest of us just kinds ignore him, he’s a weirdo anyway. He’s Motormaster’s problem, haha. Comes with the territory of being the boss, I guess. Whatever. Anyway, I gotta get going, we got important business tomorrow. But I’m sure I’ll be back here, so if you wanna hear some stories, just come on down here and find me. I’m hard to miss, haha. Probably got the brightest yellow paint job in the entire place. Hell, the entire planet! Well, except maybe for Bumblebee, but that little runt has nothing on me, trust me. I got some stories about him, too. Alright, I’ll see ya later, time for me to get back to Kaon and recharge. Go ahead and order a couple more if you want, Wildrider is paying, hehe.
Rodimus Prime
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Re: Loud, fast, and reckless: Stories from a wild and crazy 'Con.

Postby Rodimus Prime » Thu Aug 10, 2017 1:56 am

Story One

Hey, look who it is! I know it's been a while, but we've been, uh, kinda busy...sorry, can't say. All I'll tell you is that it was time well spent. The Autobots didn't know what hit them..this? Yeah, I had a little personal confrontation with Ironhide, and...yeah, he is. Definitely. Not really a bot to mess with, but a job had to be done...yeah, it'll go away, it wasn't very serious. I spent some time in a CR chamber, and that fixed me up good.

Bartender! A double shot of straight Engex!

You want anything?...You sure? If you're gonna stick around and listen to me again, you'll probably need a few more drinks, heh heh...No, like I said, I can't tell you what I've been up to, because it's still being finalized. Let's just say the Stunticons' part in it is done. We went, we saw, we trashed some bots.

Thanks, buddy. Matter of fact, bring 2 more for me and my friend here. And a couple cans of energon, too.

So, where was I?...Oh, right. This'll heal up. The internal repairs were done in the CR chamber, now I just gotta have the arm refitted with a new panel and I said, a run-in with that old rust-bucket Ironhide, that's all...yeah, I know better than to get in a fist-fight with a bot who was forged in the heyday of Cybertron, but I had no choice. We were surprised...well, apparently the intel wasn't as good as we were led to believe. Motormaster will definitely take that up with Soundwave and his little creeps. Anyway, let's...come on, like I said, I can't reveal...he broke my arm, okay?! Is that what you wanted to hear? I went in like a rookie, underestimating him and thinking he was slow because he was old, and he countered my attack and grabbed me...yeah, I'm a lot faster! But like I said, he grabbed me, and once he had a hold of me, it was hard to stay out of his reach, and he ended up getting leverage, and the old scrap-pile snapped my arm! I'll tell you this: it'll never happen again! Next time I get a chance, he's going to the derelicts' yard! I will...oh, sorry. Yeah, it pissed me off a little that I let him get the best of me, but Ironhide is a walking hand-to-hand combat tutorial. I mean, after he was done with me, it took Motormaster's strength and a distraction from Wildrider to take him out., he's not in stasis, relax. Motormaster just caught him with a square shot to the jaw and laid him out. he was alright a little while later, but wasn't really in the mood to fight us anymore, heh heh. Besides, by then we had combined and...wait a minute, I can't be telling you this! That Engex is already going to my head, haha!

Bartender! 2 more cans of energon!

So what about you, what have you been...

Hey, you scraplet-infested, broken-geared scum barrel! How the hell have you been?!...I'm good, just a little banged up from the last mission...Sorry, Trigs, can't say. You know the rules.

This is Triggerhappy...oh, you do? Alright, then. No introduction necessary, I guess.

Well, good to see ya, flybot! We should get together sometime! I'm usually here almost every night, except when there's a mission. So catch me here whenever...yeah, sure, I'll be here...Alright, then.

He's alright. For a flyer, anyway. You know them, they just think they're better because they can fly. But you know what else flyers do? They make better targets. On the ground, it's easier to evade artillery than it is in the air, unless you're really skilled, or a hot shot like Starscream or someone like that. And I'll tell ya, Triggerhappy ain't no Starscream...Yeah, I worked with him a few times. Believe it or not, he's one of the more reliable ones...Alright, I guess I can share a story about working with him and his buddies, it's been long enough...Oh, I'm not sure now. Must have been a couple of vorns. It was right after we came back from Earth and we had to do hit-and-run missions to keep the Autobots on their toes. Back then, Shockwave ran tactical operations, because Megatron was too busy trying to make it look like he was considering peace talks with Optimus. He couldn't be seen in large gatherings of Decepticons, because if word got out, the Autobots would immediately know he was just putting on a show for them. Believe it or not, the Autobots had a pretty effective spy network back then. We even caught a couple of them and, well, the less said about that the better. Let's just say after Shockwave and Soundwave got what they wanted out of them, we had out fun, heh heh...No, not for long anyway. Shockwave did most of that, you heard the stories about him. But back to the mission with Triggerhappy. We were

Hey, thanks, buddy!...I think we'll just sit on this round for a while, check back on us in a couple of breems...thanks.

Like I was saying, we were headed out to the Manganese Mountains, just us Stunticons, and we were covered by Triggerhappy and his buddies, Misfire and Slugslinger. We didn't know them too well, but we got a chance to check them out while we were waiting for the transport, and they seemed to be a tight-knit crew. Those kinda bots usually work well together and are dependable. I wish I could say the same about us, but it's not always the case, hehe. It was a rather simple mission that went very wrong very quick. We were supposed to go into the mountains and search out any remote outposts the Autobots might have had, ones they didn't check too often, so that after we took them out, it would be a while before they noticed, and in the meantime Shockwave could do what he needed to do out there...Hell, I don't know. That one-eyed freak was always so secretive. As usual, Motormaster got the parameters of the assignment, and he shared with us on a need-to-know basis. And honestly, I didn't really care. I just wanted to go fast and trash something. So anyway, the transport drops us outside of the mountain range, we couldn't fly in because the terrain would mess with the navigation, and besides, we weren't sure what kind of defenses the Autobots had in there. If they shot us down, and Primus-forbid captured us, that would have been bad. Really bad...why? Because that would have been one combiner team out of commission, and back then every able-bodied 'Con was needed to keep the fight alive. I mean, that Autobots had all but won the war. But you know the saying, when there is a will, there is a way, hehe.

Whoa! Look who it is! I didn't think you liked this place, Breakdown! What are you doing here?...Me? What does Motormaster want with me? I thought we settled...Oh, that. Yeah, I'll take care of it first thing tomorrow. I just wanted to...yeah, yeah, I know. Just tell him it's a done deal...I know, I won't. Trust me...why are you laughing?...Okay, okay. Go back to Kaon, or wherever you like to have your fun, and I'll see you tomorrow...nah, I'll be fine...yeah, I know we will...tell the big M I'll deal with it tomorrow. Right now I just want to enjoy my drinks. It's not that important...of course he does. But I know the score...yes, don't worry...alright, see ya.

Boy, what a worrier. Kinda annoys me that he's always worrying about something, you know? Even if there's nothing wrong! Like I told you the other night, if he doesn't find something about the mission to worry over, then he starts finding problems with himself, even when there aren't any. I can't imagine the maintenance bills that 'Con racks up...yeah, I know it's good to be in perfect running order, but come on! It's constant! I mean, he never takes a break! Sometimes I think how ironic it would be if his constant worrying is what causes him to malfunction, hehe. Just imagine! Anyway, back to the story...yeah, thanks. So we go into the mountains, expecting to find maybe a few guard shacks, or some radio stations transmitting basic code, whatever. Small stuff like that. And what do I find? Oh, by the way, being the fastest and smallest, I was made the, he didn't join us yet. He still had his own crew back then. But yeah, these days Blackjack is definitely the smallest, so he would be the scout...Fastest? Haha, I doubt it. I still got that under control. So, I'm going down this path that seems to be well-worn by transport vehicles of some sort. It was a pretty wide path, so I figured they were transporting contruction materials on those wide MTBs they still used back then...Mobile Transport Bays. Seriously, you didn't know that?...Oh, okay. So I go down into this small clearing at the bottom of a hill, right? My scanners show nothing...They were about a half mile behind me. Just out of range if I tripped an alarm or sprung a trap or something. I mean, that's the job of a scout, right?...Of course I didn't want to! But being the smallest, I didn't have much of a choice. I had said no a couple of times before, and believe me, I had the dents to show for it! Motormaster has a short fuse, and doesn't take well to his orders not being followed. Anyway, I get to the clearing, and there are two more paths going to either side, as well as the path I'm on continuing forward. So which way? I had no idea. So I decided to wait. I had been a while since I was in contact with them anyway, so it was time to regroup...Well, it took a while, because the others could only go as fast as Motormaster, and he's not that fast even in open terrain. Add to that the mountains and the narrow path, and...yeah, but it wasn't wide yet where they were. That's what I'm about to explain. Why it got so, it's okay, you were curious. But just let me tell the story. So I'm waiting. Nothing. No sounds, nothing in the sky. It was kinda weird. The other paths were much wider than the one I had just used, like that one wasn't used for transport like the others. It had just gotten wider as I got close to the clearing. I noticed there were rust spots on the ground as well as the mountain sides surrounding the path. Then it hit me: this wasn't a natural occurrence. This path was made by someone, or something. But who? And why? Then suddenly I heard the sounds behind me. I was sure the other Stunticons had caught up to me, but that wasn't it. It was the Wreckers! Springer, Kup, Topspin, a couple of others, I don't know all of them...yeah, they do change members pretty quick. I guess doing what they do gets them killed fast, hehe. Maybe they should have learned their lessons a long time ago and stopped with all the kamikaze stuff. Its...oh, that's a term I picked up on Earth. It means going on a suicidal attack...Yeah, I know that's what they're famous for. So anyway, here they come. Down the side of the mountain, from the right side path. But for some reason they're not shooting, or transforming. At first I was just frozen, I couldn't move. They're rolling down the path, toward me, but they're not slowing down, nor are they giving any indication that they spotted me...I don't know, maybe they were paying attention to something else. So I decide that moving quickly is the worst thing I could do, as a rapid movement would draw their attention. On top of that, my paint job is bright yellow, so they would definitely notice that, if they hadn't already. But I roll backwards behind this small outcropping, right? And they go right by me! Then I notice something. The last bot in the line is none other than Ultra Magnus!...yeah, I know, right? But there he was, coming over the ridge, just rolling down the path. And the others stopped when they got into the clearing I was just in, and waited for him. He was coming down pretty slow, he was carrying something in his trailer...I don't know, I never got a good look. Even to this day, I'm not sure what it was. If I had more time, maybe I could have checked it out, but then it hit me: the other Stunticons were bound to show up any moment! They had to have closed the distance by now! I had to warn them! There were 6 Autobots down in the clearing, and even if we had air support with T-hap and the others, we were still dealing with the blasted Wreckers! No easy task.

Hey, barkeep! Bring the next round, will ya! And my tab!

So I had to make a choice: roll for it and have them notice me, but I get the warning to the others. Or, stay put and when the others got there, have both crews be surprised by the other, and whoever recovered first would get the upper hand in the fight...hold on, hold on, I'm getting to that. There were two things going for us with the second option: the Autobots were concerned with whatever was on Magnus's trailer, so they might be distracted. Also, they hadn't noticed me, and even when the other Stunticons showed up and the Autobots finally turned their attention to them, they still wouldn't notice me, so my attack would be a surprise, and I had to make that count for the most I could...Okay, I'm getting to it, relax. Turned out, the decision was made for me, as at that point, the others finally came over the hill, and started rolling down into the clearing. They must have been distracted as well, most likely by arguing with each other, because they were halfway down the mountainside by the time Dead End put on his brakes, with Wildrider and Breakdown running into the back of him. Luckily Mostormaster's lack of speed was a good thing this time, because he was so far back he was able to not only come to a stop before running into them, he also had transformed by the time he got there and drew his sword and blaster...yeah, the Autobots noticed them by then, and transformed as well, all except Magnus. With that whatever he was carrying, he couldn't, I guess...yeah, I heard about that. His trailer is just his armor in robot mode, he could have transformed anyway. But for whatever reason, he didn't. Not yet, anyway. The Wreckers did, and they surrounded him in a half-circle, facing us...well, no, I didn't. So yeah, they were facing the other Stunticons. I remained in my hidden spot, even though I heard Wildrider yelling at Dead End, complaining about my whereabouts. But I couldn't reveal myself. Not yet. Anyway, the Autobots weren't shooting, and that was very strange, especially for the Wreckers. I mean, they're known for shooting first and asking questions later. So when the Stunticons regrouped, they started the fight. They spread out, and began firing. The Autobots returned fire, but they didn't go for cover. I thought this strange, as they were taking hits left and right, but they weren't really budging, other than from the impacts of the shots. They were standing between the gun fire and Ultra Magnus, who for some reason wasn't moving. I mean, if you can't fight, for whatever reason, the next option is to flee, right?...well, Magnus didn't. Then I heard Motormaster calling me. It's one thing when Wildrider's annoying whining is calling me out, but when the boss is demanding I come out, I had no choice. so I transformed and came out from behind my cover, shooting the whole way. The laser blasts were flying everywhere, and a lot of them were scoring hits on both sides. I was thinking to myself, what the hell is going on here? This isn't how a gunfight is supposed to go! You shoot, then go for cover! But both groups just stood there, taking hits...yeah, I'm about to get to them. They weren't far behind. So anyway, Motormaster orders us to combine, and we begin the process. As you know, a gestalt program is complicated, and takes about 10-20 seconds, depending on how good the team is. And I hate to say it, we are not the smoothest out there, hehe. We dislike Motormaster so much, we reluctantly combine, but in this instance, it was necessary. Otherwise the Wreckers would have had us, especially if Magnus decided to join the fight. The flyers wouldn't have gotten there in time. So we combined and

What? I'm telling a story here!...Now?...I said I would deal with it tom...damn it, can't I have a night off once in a while, for Primus's sake!...Alright, alright, I'm coming!

Well, I hate to cut it off here, but I gotta go. You heard that drama queen Breakdown. I told him I would deal with it tomorrow, but I guess it can't wait. I should be back tomorrow night, unless something comes up. Will you be here?...Good. I'll finish the story then. In the meantime, have another round on me, if you want.

Alright, I'm coming!

Take it easy, we'll catch up soon and I'll finish the story...well, if I told you the ending now, it would ruin it, hehe. There's a lot more to it than just a bunch of shooting. Okay, I gotta go. Later!
Rodimus Prime
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Joined: Sat Sep 28, 2002 8:31 pm

Re: Loud, fast, and reckless: Stories from a wild and crazy 'Con.

Postby Rodimus Prime » Fri Aug 11, 2017 3:30 am

Ugh. Today was just a mess. I figured you'd be here, I knew you wanted to hear the rest of that story. Just give me a minute, though. I need

Hey bartender! Down here!

I need to get a double shot of the strongest Engex they got into me. This day has been just...hell yeah, I can handle it! My systems are top-notch. And speaking of which, check this out: got my new arm plates. Looks like I just rolled off the line, huh?...Yeah, I was cold constructed. We all were...Oh, I don't know about that, but

Yeah, buddy, give me a double shot of supercharged Engex 100...Yeah, I want to start with that. That's the kind of day I have had...Yeah, bring a couple of cans of straight energon to chase it with.

You want anything?

You heard my friend here. Make it 2 of those as well. My tab...Thanks.

So, anyway. What have you been up to today?...Really. I wish I had a few days like that. But not me. Not ol' Dragstrip. I gotta be the Stunticon everyone goes to with their freakin' problems!...Oh, just the usual. Except today it was piled onto another bunch of scrap I had to deal with...Don't worry about it. Tell you what, let me get right back to the story I was telling you last night. You remember where

Oh, hey. Thanks, friend. You're a lifesaver.

Easy, my skid plate. I needed those shots. I feel better already. So anyway, us and the Wreckers, right? We were staring each other down in this gunfight out in the Manganese Mountains. Nobody backing down, both sides taking hits. I mean, we were just defending ourselves, and...yeah, I know we shot first, but that doesn't matter. Just listen. Here they were, the Wreckers, all lined up in front of Ultra Magnus, who wouldn't transform, for some reason. he had that...I don't know what in his trailer, and apparently it couldn't just be tossed to the side so he could transform. So this gets me curious. Being the smallest, I start to ease my way to the side of the path, and I stop shooting. Trying to...right, trying to draw as little attention to myself as possible. Of course, that idiot complainer, Wildrider, starts yelling for me to get back in line and keep shooting. I mean, it doesn't even occur to them that the only reason they're shooting, is because we're shooting! They were just defending what was on Magnus's trailer! I can't even describe it. It looked kinda like a big crate with some pipes sicking out of it on the sides and the top. Maybe some kind of energy converter? It looked like it had a panel on the side with some buttons and switches and lights, probably the instrument panel. But otherwise, it was strange. I don't think I've seen any equipment like that before, at least not by itself. Anyway, I don't know if they thought that's what we were there for, but they were dead set on us not getting it. Anyway, i tried something on the side, and was kinda spoiled by that moron Wildrider, so i had to pick up the shooting again. But I stayed to the side. I mean, it was a stalemate. No one budging, everyone shooting. I had to try something. Anyway, before I could think of anything, the Wreckers made the decision for me. Suddenly, Kup and Springer hand off their weapons to the others standing next to them, and they turn to Magnus's trailer, while the others lay down a fierce cover fire. So I knew something was about to happen. Apparently, so did Motormaster, who immediately gave Dead End and Breakdown a shove from behind, pushing them forward. He then started advancing himself, standing behind them. Only the 2 of them were too stupid to realize the big M was using them as a shield. Wildrider, being as neurotic as he is anyway, was bouncing from side to side, front to back, shooting everywhere. I mean, the idiot almost hit me a couple of times. Me, I just stood back to the side. I didn't move forward. Surprisingly, Motormaster either didn't notice, or didn't care, because he didn't order me to go forward. They made up some distance, but they were taking hits. I mean, Breakdown, Wildrider, and Dead End all had open wounds, with fluids leaking and wires showing. But they kept going...Oh, Motormaster was too armored for simple blasters. I mean, I'm sure the shots stung, but he wasn't taking damage. His only vulnerable spots were his legs, where the armor isn't as thick, but he was behind Dead End and Breakdown, so his legs were shielded. But by this time, the 3 Wreckers who returned fire were hurting, because they took most of the hits. Kup and Springer had that, that device off Magnus's trailer by then, and they had just turned around. The others threw their weapons back to them, and they resumed firing. However, now they were on the other side of the path, so the Stunticons were taking fire from 2 sides almost...Oh, I was still in my little hiding spot, out of sight, out of mind. For good reason. I was keeping my optics on Ultra Magnus. Y'see, he still hadn't transformed and joined the fight yet. Then I started thinking, maybe there was something wrong with him! Maybe, he couldn't transform, not because that whatever he had on his trailer wouldn't let him. But then why did the others take it off? I tried to come up with something, but I got distracted. 2 things happened: first, Motormaster started hollering for me to shoot at Kup and Springer. Then, Ultra Magnus started moving. He rolled away from the fight for a short distance. Then he turned around in the clearing, and began coming straight at us! I don't know if the others didn't see him, he was shielded by the Wreckers, or if they were just too busy returning fire, but suddenly, the 3 Wreckers in the middle of the path dove to the side, and here came Magnus, charging through! Kup and Springer were still shooting, so instead of reacting to Magnus, the other Stunticons turned their fire on them. All except Motormaster, who saw Magnus coming, and he quickly stepped to the side...No, he didn't. I thought he was going to, but he grabbed Dead End and pulled him with him, at the same time kicking Breakdown in the skid plate, and shoving him to the opposite side. He didn't have to worry about Wildrider because he was all over the place and Magnus wouldn't hit him anyway. So now, here we were, me and Breakdown on one side, starting down Kup and Springer, and Motormaster, Wildrider and Dead End on the other side, picking up the firing against the other Wreckers...Well, Magnus rolled past us, and I followed him. It happened so fast, I couldn't keep track of what was going on. I had a lot of possibilities occurring to me, but it seemed the others didn't give Magnus very much consideration. I mean, they should have, because technically he was the biggest bot in the fight! He's even bigger than Motormaster, for Primus's sake!

Bartender! Another round!...Yeah, the same!

Anyway, I kept my optic on Magnus, as Breakdown was shooting at Kup and Springer, who all of a sudden started advancing on us. He was also yelling at me to join in, and for good reason. The Autobots were almost on us! But I had to keep track of Magnus, who had just stopped in his tracks. I thought I might get lucky, so I aimed at him, thinking maybe I can shoot through the side window on his cab and hit something vital. No such luck. Before I could get off a shot, he transformed and spun around, firing off both his shoulder rockets. They both went straight for Motormaster.

Thanks, buddy...Yeah, I'm good for a while.

I'm getting to it, relax. Are you in a hurry?...Alright, then. I had already raised my blaster, but I knew I couldn't do much damage to Magnus in hit robot mode, so I instead shot at the rockets. Even a surprise to me, I actually hit one of them!...Yeah, I know, right? Well, anyway, it exploded, and the flash and loud noise froze everyone for a few seconds. Everyone except Motormaster and Wildrider, who had their backs to the exploding rocket. Wildrider, the crazy fool, actually got in between Motormaster and the remaining rocket, and tried to swat it down! Idiot! Well, he paid for it! The rocket hit him, ripping his left arm off above the elbow...Yeah, it definitely was stupid! I mean, I've seen my fellow Stunticons do some stupid ****, but that was just, huh. But all this gave Motormaster enough time to react, and he started shooting and running at Ultra Magnus, who was recovering from the flash and bang of the first rocket exploding. But before he could draw his rifle, the big M reached him and just straight tackled him! I mean, didn't even tackle him, but speared him! So down they went in a heap, both their guns clattering away, and their fists flying...Yeah, it was! And it wasn't for the weak, either. I mean, Magnus is big, strong, and he can fight, but Motormaster was just crazed! I guess that made up for the difference in size, because they were locked in, neither getting the upper hand...No, I wouldn't say that. I don't think so. Motormaster is pretty tough and strong, I don't think Magnus is physically stronger. If it had been a stand off, Magnus might have won because of his height, but strength-wise, it was even. Anyway, the 2 of them just took it to each other, leaving the 4 of, well, 3 and half of us, heh heh, against the Wreckers. And Kup and Springer had reached us because Breakdown couldn't hold them back on his own. So Springer and Breakdown get into it, while that old rust-bucket comes after me. Well, back then it wasn't like it was just the other week with Ironhide. I was ready for the old cygar-chomper. He tried to grab me instead of just shooting me, but I was too quick for him. I got by him, and I rammed him into the side of the mountain, face-first. Then I did what any self-respecting Decepticon would do. I shot him in the back. He grunted and fell to his knees. The shot wasn't that devastating, but he was up against the wall and hand nowhere to go when the blast impacted, so he just kinda got knocked stupid, y'know? Well, I went for the kill. I mean, we were Decepticons, they were Autobots, and we were in a fight for survival, right? Fair fighting be damned. So I aimed at his head. I was gonna blow it right off his shoulders, end his miserable existence...yeah, I know he's still alive. So of course I didn't shoot him in his head. Well, the other Wreckers had overwhelmed Dead End and Wildrider with his one arm, hehe, so at least one of them turned their attention to me. Not sure which one it was, but he did the same to me as I did to Kup. He shot me in the back. It didn't do much damage, just dented me, but it knocked me forward, ironically I fell down next to Kup, who was not knocked out, but pretty dazed. He was recovering, trying to get back up. I fell down on my back, and looked over at him. My gun fell right between us. Our optics locked for a second, and he went for my gun. I don't know if he figured that's what I would do, but instead of me going for it too, I just swung as hard as I could, and I smashed my fist right into his face. He grunted again and fell straight back. Now he was knocked out! I mean, just because I was the smallest and weakest of the Stunticons, that didn't mean I wasn't strong, y'know? Anyway, I sat up, trying to get my gun back, and I saw out of the corner of my optics: Springer and Roadbuster had Breakdown pinned and subdued, while Impactor and the other one, can't remember which, got Wildrider and Dead End backed up against the wall...yeah, I'm alright. I just, my day hasn't gone well, and I think this Engex 100 hit me harder than I thought it would...yeah, I know you told me. But I needed something hard. Anyway, We were...I'm alright, I'm alright. Not the first time I fell off a bar stool, believe it or not.
Rodimus Prime
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Stories from a wild and crazy 'Con.

Postby Rodimus Prime » Fri Aug 11, 2017 5:04 am

Okay, okay. So they had us pretty much beat. I hate to admit it, but they did. But they did outnumber us, though, don't forget that. With Ultra Magnus, no less...yeah, yeah, I was getting to that. The Wreckers had us down, but it seemed Motormaster was winning the fight against Magnus. I don't know if it was a few lucky shots, or the big M was just that fierce that day, but Magnus was down, on his knees and elbows, and Motormaster was kicking and stomping him. I mean, I literally saw sparks and pieces of armor fly off Magnus! Motormaster kicked him all thew way to the edge of the path, and he had nowhere to go there, the side of the mountain stopped him. So Magnus did what he could do, he just covered up. I don't know what was with him that day, but it seemed that he just couldn't fight. I mean, at first, he didn't even want to transform. Then, we he did join the fight, he tried to ram us. When that didn't work, he tried long range artillery. But now he was forced to fight up close, and he wasn't faring well. Maybe he was having some problems, after all. He just wasn't the same old Ultra Magnus. So, instead of finishing us, Springer left Roadbuster and went straight for Motormaster, shooting him in the back. Of course, the boss is too well armored for simple blasters, like I said, so all that did was alert him to Springer attacking from the back...yeah, you said it. But then again, Springer might be a good warrior, he's not the smartest drone in the squad. So Motormaster just turns around from stomping Magnus, and with the same momentum lifts his leg and puts his foot straight up, and that idiot Springer runs into it face first! Haha! I would have burst out laughing if I wasn't fighting for my life, it was so funny!

No, no more for me, thanks...oh you saw that, huh?...Yeah, I'm okay. But I think I'll lay off the Engex 100 from now on. I guess I'm not the bot I used to be, or maybe I just can't handle my recreational fluids like I used to, hehe.

Anyway, that one shot took out Springer just like that. He was out. When he fell down, Motormaster brought that same foot down with him, and crunched his face into the ground with all his weight. And you know the big M isn't small. Plus all that armor on him makes him quite heavy. So Springer was out cold, his face crushed. Magnus could barely move, he was dented and dazed pretty well. He just laid there on his side, his arms tucked in and his knees drawn up. I've never seen the mighty Ultra Magnus like that. Never. Something must have been wrong with him to begin with. But hey, what do I care? He was the enemy, so the weaker he was, the better for us, right? So just like that, the fight turned around a bit. Now it was us against 3 Wreckers...Yeah, Kup was still out cold, remember?...Yeah. Man, that punch felt so good, I still remember it to this day. And you know about Kup, he's a loudmouth braggart anyway, which is not bad in an of itself, if you can back it up, telling all kinds of war stories. But have you ever heard him tell that one? Or has anyone else? About the time he got cold cocked by Dragstrip? Probably not, hehe. So anyway, Motormaster picked up his gun and started shooting at Impactor and the other one, who held up Dead End and Wildrider. They had no choice but to turn and fight the boss. Roadbuster, having restrained Breakdown, got up and started shooting at Motormaster as well. It was 3 on 1, but the boss wasn't backing down. His armor was taking all the hits, and he wasn't really moving forward, but he stood there and returned fire. So while Dead End helped Wildrider, I went over to Breakdown and blasted away the cuffs Roadbuster put on him. Why the hell did he cuff him anyway? This was war! No prisoners!...I know, Autobots don't kill if they don't have to, but come on! Didn't they know that if they let us live we'd just come back at them?...I guess so. But obviously, that wasn't the case. They weren't winning the fight! They were getting their skid plates dented in! And now it was worse. So Dead End and Wildrider regrouped with the boss, and Breakdown and I stayed off to the side, where I started shooting at the remaining Wreckers, while Breakdown recovered from the beating he took...At this point, no, we didn't. I was curious, but I couldn't just leave the others. I figured when we had them beat for good, we could check it out. It was definitely worth checking out, if the Wreckers were willing to defend it with their lives. But anyway, as the saying goes, if only it was that easy. Now Motormaster started getting a little cocky, and he decided that not only would we beat them, we'd do it in style. He ordered us to combine! Can you believe it? There were 3 of them, and even though Magnus was still functioning, he wasn't really capable of fighting, and we still had all 5 of us functional and able to fight. But Motormaster wanted to bring out the big guy. Why? I have no idea. But we did it...yeah, he could still combine, his missing arm didn't hinder his limb mode. So we did. Took about 30 seconds, though, because we were all hurting. But we combined nonetheless, and Menasor was ready to go. Now the rest of the Wreckers were done for. I mean, they kept fighting, to their credit, but it was pretty much over. Menasor just started blasting away at them, and they scattered...well, here's how that works: we all retain part of our consciousness when combined. I mean, it's not like we talk to each other telepathically, or whatever, because our minds link up, and it's just a single train of thought, but once we're separated, what Menasor did is in all our heads as a memory, you know? So to all of us individually it feels like it was we who did what Menasor actually did, just in a different body. I don't know, I guess you'd have to be a part of a combiner team to understand...yeah, it's complicated. Especially with a team leader like Motormaster, who is so overbearing he takes over everything when we're combined. That's the biggest reason we don't like doing it. I don't know if it's that way with the other teams, like does Onslaught override all the other Combaticons? Does Razorclaw impose his will on the Predacons, and Predaking does whatever Razorclaw orders him to do? I mean, it's a team, so the combiner's actions should be a team decision, right...what? Really? Is that why Computron is the way he is? Well, hell, then maybe it's not a good idea anyway. I know how slow Computron is, I just never knew why. But if that's the reason, forget it. The problem is, if we give up total control to the team leader, if he makes a mistake, we all pay for it. And sometimes, just because someone is the team leader, doesn't mean he makes the best decision in a given situation. I mean, like I said before, Motormaster is our group leader, but it's not hard to out think him. Or maybe I just feel smart because all the rest of the Stunticons are freakin' idiots. I don't know.

Bartender! My tab!

Yeah, I'm gonna get going in a minute. I don't feel too good...yeah, probably this supercharged Engex. Anyway, back to the fight. Menasor is just stomping down the path, scattering the other 3 Wreckers. Kup is starting to stir, so Menasor goes towards him, and stomps on the old coot! Haha! He was done for. I mean, he survived it, but I know he needed some serious time in a CR chamber after that. Menasor now turns his attention at that thing Magnus was carrying. We still didn't know what it was, but in Menasor's single-mindedness, he just wanted to destroy it. If it was something the Autobots could use, it had to be bad for us 'Cons, so it had to go! So the big guy started towards it, but suddenly it felt like the ground went out from under him! The sky twisted, and I felt us falling down!...Well, like I said, it's weird to describe the experiences in combined mode. It's like you're inside the gestalt, but at the same time you're observing from the outside, because it doesn't truly feel like they're your actions. So i'll explain the best I can. So we go down, Menasor putting his arms out to brace himself, the arms being me and Breakdown. Down on his hands and knees, Menasor looks under his body to see what tripped him, and it was Magnus! He had managed to get up and gather enough strength to tackle Menasor around the legs from behind!...Yeah, it was a surprise! We figured the boss had taken him out! But here he was, tangled up in Menasor's legs! He was trying to get back up, but had little to no strength. So it seemed that instead of momentum from running, it was Magnus's sheer size that knocked us Menasor down. Anyway, Menasor kicked, and smashed Magnus right in his chest armor with his foot. Magnus grunted loudly and rolled off Menasor's other leg, and sprawled out on the ground. He seemed to be out of it. His head moved, but that was it. He put one arm on his chest, but didn't move anything else. So Menasor was slowly getting up, but this was enough for the other Wreckers to start shooting again, and they were concentrating their fire on Menasor's head. We took blasts right in the optics and mouth, and since Menasor was still on one knee, his head was closer to the ground than it would have been, and it made for a bigger target. But I guess Motormaster still had his wits about him, and he threw, not swipe, swing or stab, but threw his sword, which Menasor also uses, towards the Wreckers, impaling Roadbuster right into that thing they were trying to, we never did figure it out. But it was moot by then, because whatever it was, it was damaged enough from the sword and Roadbuster's impact to start smoking, and a few seconds later, it blew up, throwing Roadbuster's body all the way back to us, knocking down the remaining Wreckers, who were still shooting at Menasor. So the fight was effectively over, as all the Wreckers and Magnus were down. The last 2 Wreckers, Impactor and the other one, I can never remember his name, were still functional, and tried to get up, but Menasor smashed them into the ground with his arm, which was me, by chance, heh heh...yeah, it did. You bet it felt good. So anyway, thinking the fight was over, we separated, and after a few seconds of getting our bearing back, we assessed the situation...yeah, like I said, combining messes with the members' heads a little, and afterwards, it feels like you had a hangover from too much Engex, because when you combine, your minds connect, and that requires the individual minds to be turned off to a point. So when the individual minds get fully turned back on, it's like coming out of stasis lock. You feel dazed at least, if the combination went without a problem. And I'm sure Menasor getting shot in the head repeatedly didn't help our collective consciousness, either. But we did it, we won the fight, but whatever the Wreckers were carrying was destroyed. So what to do now? Do we take them prisoner? Do we kill them? Do we even continue with our mission?...well, my choice was to kill the Wreckers and take Magnus prisoner, because he was very weak and couldn't fight back either, and later on he would make a very valuable bargaining chip for Megatron and Shockwave. And speaking of Shockwave, imagine what he could have gotten out of Magnus in interrogation?...yeah, I know that, but Magnus us also in the top 5 highest ranking Autobots. I mean, he answers only to Optimus and maybe Xaaron, right? I don't think he answers to Maximus or Grimlock, I think they're the same rank. But anyway, we never got to decide what to do, because the Aerialbots attacked us! From the sky! They just showed up, and started raining blasts and rockets down, and we had just got through with a fight, we were in no shape to get into another one, especially with an opponent who had the higher ground, so to speak. So it was time to retreat. Luckily for us,, they were not anywhere near us! Remember I told you before that we couldn't take a shuttle in because the mountains and their magnetic elements would mess with the navigation?...Right, well that's what happened to them! Triggerhappy, Misfire and Slugslinger were all the way on the other side of the mountain range! They had flown the wrong way from the start! But as I was saying, luckily, the same thing saved us from the Aerialbots, because they couldn't keep it together either. After their initial attack, they didn't seem too intent on trying to pick us off. It was more like they were covering the Wreckers, who must have sent a distress call at the beginning of the fight! Or maybe it was Magnus, who knows...well, we all transformed and rolled out of there, back down the path we used to get up there. We didn't even look back. Even Motormaster was pouring on the speed, something he usually doesn't do. But here he was, practically keeping up with us....I don't know. He says it's because it uses up too much Energon and he would run out of fuel if he did it all the time. So whatever. Anyway, the Aerialbots didn't pursue us, and we got away. But it sure would have been nice to find out what that thing was...well, I guess the Aerialbots gathered them, or revived them, or whatever, and they all took off as well...well, come to find out, that's why we were sent in there! Shockwave knew from intel gathered by Soundwave's little freaks that something was going on! I don't know if he told Motormaster, because the boss never said, but we were sent in there to spook the Autobots, not just on a routine seek and destroy mission for remote stations. Thing was, Shockwave knew they were in there, but didn't know where. The mountains had never been a Decepticon-held area, and the Autobots knew this. They knew we didn't know the area well, so they hid in there to work on whatever it was they did. And even though we never figured it out, we still put a stop to it, and that's what mattered.

Thanks, you go. Just charge it to that.

So in the end, mission accomplished, even if it was messy. But that's what we do, heh heh. We're Stunticons. We make things messy. And we like it that's more fun. I know. But more often that not, the pain and the hassle is worth it. Even if the Autobots we fight survive us, they know damn well they have been in a fight. Just like the Wreckers and Magnus found out that day...I don't know. Maybe it would have went differently. But he wasn't at full power, and we were able to exploit that. So all is well if it ends well, right?...yeah, depends on what side you're on, heh. Anyway, I gotta go. We got another little excursion coming up, so I'll probably be away for a while. But if you want to hear more, I'll be back sooner or later. Until then I'm sure you can listen to some of the other chatterboxes around here...alright, you take it easy, you hear? I'll see ya later.
Rodimus Prime
Site Moderator
Posts: 18874
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Joined: Sat Sep 28, 2002 8:31 pm

Re: Stories from a wild and crazy 'Con.

Postby Rodimus Prime » Thu Sep 07, 2017 11:58 pm

Story Two

Well, look who it is! It’s good to be back finally. I tell ya, I need some down time. We’ve been...well, we’ve been busy. Heh heh. How have you been? Good. I feel like sitting for a while tonight, so I hope you’re ready for another war story. Well, good. I got a doozy for you tonight.

Bartender! The usual.

What have you been up to? That’s good, I guess. Kinda boring, but it’s safe, right? Hehe. Nah, I would much rather do what you do. But, being who I am, well, it just wasn’t for me. Anyway

Hey, thanks! And keep ‘em coming!

Anyway, have you heard of the Tagan Heights Incident? Yeah, that one. Yeah, the Autobots don’t like to talk about it much. They got their skid plates dented in pretty good by us. Hehe. It was a lot of fun, actually. It truly was. Menasor totally unleashed. We really found out what we could do when there were absolutely no restraints on us. And the Technobots found out as well. And so did the Dinobots! Ha! Those big idiots thought they were gonna just show up and shut us down! We were out on a test run. We just had some new hardware installed, along with some new kind of armor. To this day I’m not sure what it is, but the point of it was that when we combined into Menasor, the armor was supposed to shift around and cover all of us, as well as out connecting ports. Shockwave had analyzed the combiner process in detail, and found out that on all the combiners, most likely the most vulnerable spots were the combining ports. So, of course, we got the assignment to test the new stuff. It was supposed to be just an exercise, with no fun ‘n’ games involved. But of course, with us, no such thing, heh heh. I mean, we weren’t looking for a fight, but we got one brought to us. I remember, we were down in the flat area where the cargo shuttles used to land, when the ships that brought the raw materials to the Heights were too big to land there and shuttles had to bring the ores and other materials to the factories. Shockwave somehow arranged that there were no shuttle landing that day, so we had the entire airfield to ourselves, to practice maneuvers. And the Autobots couldn’t spy on us, because the Tagan Heights were off limits to air patrols due to the air traffic coming in. It would have disrupted the delivery schedule. They didn’t know, of course, that Shockwave had cleared the calendar for that day so we could be down there. There were no shuttles coming down. In hindsight, that’s probably what tipped off the Technobots. They were down there as well, working on something, it was the industrial center of the Southern hemisphere of Cybertron, a lot of testing and experimenting was going on. I know Wheeljack had his big lab down there as well, but it was heavily fortified and well-protected. Isn’t it funny? Two of Cybertron’s brightest scientific minds, Shockwave and Wheeljack, working so close to each other on opposing sides. Of course, their methods of science were much different, but you already know all about that. What I’m about to tell you is the Stunticons’ part in Shockwave developing the new combiner armor. We were

Thanks, buddy. Like I said, keep ‘em coming!

We were picked to test the stuff, because the Combaticons were on a mission, and Devastator, well, you know. The Constructicons may be amazing engineers, but Devastator is not very bright. But that’s a problem with all the combiners, isn’t it? Somehow when we combine, the gestalt is always less intelligent. Well, the early versions anyway. Us, the Constructicons, Bruticus. For some reason, the Autobots got that one right, while we didn’t. I mean, Superion isn’t stupid, neither is Defensor, and Computron is the total opposite. But as they say, everything comes at a price. Computron might be smart, but all that thinking slows him down in a fight. And that’s why we beat the scrap out of them that day. I mean, we probably would have beaten them anyway, but with how they are, heh, it was a walk in the park. Maybe ol’ Wheeljack should have focused less on their brains and more on their ability to fight. Because, and I mean no exaggeration, we just trashed them. Just trashed them. If it hadn’t been for the Dinobots, believe me, there would be no Technobots around today. And we would have been within our rights, totally. I mean, it technically wasn’t wartime, but they started it. We were just defending ourselves. For all the talk about how bad and despicable the Decepticons are, the Autobots can be certainly vicious and underhanded. Anyway, we were down on the landing area, just going through the paces. It was kind of annoying, having to combine and separate so much. But that was the point. To work out the glitches in the armor when it was activated. But it didn’t even feel natural. I mean, we didn’t replace our own armor with it, Shockwave’s drones just kinda covered us in it. I don’t know, maybe if he had the chance to finalize it, maybe he would have had it installed in us, you know, swap out our old stuff for it. But, thanks to the Technobots and Dinobots, it never got that far. I heard Shockwave didn’t give up on it though. He still has it stashed somewhere. I’m sure the Autobots would love to get their hands on the formula. Word is, Wheeljack got some pieces of it after the battle, but he could never replicate it. I mean, it was cutting edge stuff. So good thing the Autobots don’t have it. Like I said, technically we’re not at war anymore, but still. I’d hate to see Prowl’s police thugs roaming the streets of Iacon or Kaon wearing that stuff. They’d be near invincible. Yeah, the armor was developed for combiners. But on an individual bot, it’s like wearing the extra-heavy space armor that we used when we were fighting in space. Except that stuff made us slow and almost immobile. It was designed to withstand heavy fire, and mobility had to be sacrificed. But this new stuff? It was like wearing that, but we were still just as fast and agile as if we didn’t have it on. And when we combined, it just, I don’t know, morphed? It was supposed to make our combined form faster and more agile as well. I mean, it’s well known that the single big drawback to gestalts is they’re much slower than the individual bots. They give up the speed and agility to gain the strength. Oh well. Looked like finally Shockwave found a way around that. Imagine if we could have utilized that armor? If Menasor became the fastest, most agile gestalt, without giving up our strength? It would have been over. Any fight we were in, it would have been over before it started.

Okay, here we go. And bring me a double shot of Engex 50 as well, will you? Thanks.

So there we were, about to run a simulation where we had to combine straight out of vehicle mode, while driving backwards at top speed. It was a difficult exercise, as you know when the combining process happens, the center bot has to configure himself first. And for us, our center bot is Motormaster, and he’s not exactly going to win any races. So we had to wait for him. We had to develop a tactic that allowed the rest of us to be useful somehow in vehicle mode while he made his preparations. When we’re going forward it’s not that big a deal, because he has decent top speed. But in reverse? That truck mode is slower than hell. I don’t know why. I had suggested to him once to have his gears reconfigured. But all I got was a crumpled-in face plating. Only made that mistake once. Heh heh. Anyway, we initiated the combining protocol, and just finished combining, when the Technobots showed up. And I mean, they were making a straight line right at us. Scattershot landed right in front of us, and immediately became hostile. ‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?!’ he was in our face before the rest of them even caught up to him. I mean, I know we weren’t at war, but getting aggressive with Menasor is still not a smart thing to do. Especially if you’re without backup! Hehe. Anyway, somehow Motormaster kept his cool, and didn’t answer. So Menasor just stood there, looking at Scattershot. Meanwhile, the rest of the Technobots showed up, itching for a fight. I don’t know what they were thinking. They must have been bored out of their cerebral casing. Anyway, they got there, and straight up confronted us. We weren’t sure what to do. I mean, we weren’t supposed to fight, but we sure as hell weren’t gonna back down. So there we were. I don’t know why Shockwave didn’t show up right then, he was monitoring us after all. I guess maybe he was hoping for a fight, so he could test the new armor under battle conditions. That had to be it. ‘Looks like you’re running battle maneuvers!’ Scattershot said. ‘This is an industrial area! For receiving raw materials! You’re not supposed to be here!’ Ugh. I wanted to hit him so bad. But, the big M was in control, so we waited. ‘If you don’t separate and clear out, we’ll consider it a provocation!’ he kept going. I mean, he was very aggressive. Like he wanted to fight. I don’t know, maybe too much peace got the better of them. Maybe during the war they got to liking the fight too much. So they wanted one. Well, we were happy to oblige. Motormaster knew this, so he kept Menasor together. And, predictably, Scattershot reacted accordingly. He drew his weapon, as did the others, and pointed them at us. ‘Alright, you’re under arrest for public disturbance and illegally occupying a private area.’ I mean, is that even a real offense? I guess they just wanted to hang whatever they could on us. But that’s all we needed. Once their weapons were drawn, we were in the right to defend ourselves. I mean, we didn’t do anything wrong. We weren’t causing damage to the place, weren’t hurting anyone. Of course, we neglected to mention that Shockwave had seen to it, legally, that we got the place to ourselves, but hey, that’s not my problem. Maybe next time Scattershot will follow up on all the filed documents. Point is, they threatened us with firearms. We responded. Honestly, I don’t think they expected us to do that, I think they figured they could bully us under the threat of locking us up if we resisted. Please. We’re Stunticons. We love a good fight. So a good fight it was. And it started with Menasor kicking Scattershot straight in the chest, crumpling his chestplate and sending him flying backwards. The other Technobots opened fire, but Menasor was ready. We knelt down and protected our face. The armor on our arms, namely me and Breakdown, was deflecting all their shots. I mean, we felt nothing. It was a damn good feeling. Like being inside a forcefield. Anyway, they retreated as they were firing, regrouping on Scattershot’s position. What we didn’t know at the time was that one of them sent a distress signal for reinforcements. But right then and there, it was just use and them. So we knew the armor could stand up to direct blaster fire. Now it was time to test its mobility. Menasor stood up, and we started running. I mean, running. We couldn’t do that before. No gestalt could. They’re all too big and uncoordinated. But for some reason, this armor plating gave our combiner ports the extra dexterity to turn and move our limbs faster than normal, allowing us to not only counter anything they threw at us, but to be on the offensive and faster than they were. So we attacked. They didn’t know what hit them, hehe. We were on them so fast, the only thing that saved them was that they went in every different direction, and it momentarily confused us, we couldn’t decide who to go after. We had the advanced speed, but it didn’t make us any smarter, hehe. Anyway, they transformed into vehicle mode, and backed up away from us. They were still faster, so they made it to the edge of the landing area, where they combined. We caught up to them, but by then we were facing Computron. No problem, we could handle him. We might not have been as smart, but we were faster and stronger. Of course, after the war was over, Decepticons weren’t allowed to have weapons, but that’s fine. We didn’t need a gun or a sword. We had our fists. Computron, however, did have a rifle. But he never got to use it. We ran at them full speed, smashing into them and tackling them. We went down, and Menasor started swinging. Computron never had a chance.

Finally. My Engex. Bring me another one, will ya? Thanks.

Anyway, we were knocking the sparks out of them, when we noticed a shuttle arriving over us. Their reinforcements, as it turned out. The Dinobots. They didn’t even wait to land. Sludge, Snarl and Grimlock jumped out of the shuttle while it was still hovering. I guess Swoop and Slag were piloting it, because they set it down a little further away, while the other three came straight at us. We met them head on, but even Motormaster knew we had to be more cautious. Computron was down but not out, but the Dinobots by themselves would have been dangerous anyway. We took a chance and came at Sludge, the biggest and slowest, and you would think the easiest target. You should have seen their faces when they saw how fast we were! Sludge was blasting away with that big cannon of his, but we kept dodging it, to their astonishment. Grimlock and Snarl tried to flank us, but we were too fast. Finally, Swoop and Slag made it out of the shuttle and attacked as well, so now they had us surrounded. And Computron was getting back up. But we weren’t gonna give up. Motormaster gave us the command: fight to the end. No retreat. No matter what. We figured we had to get outside of the circle they had us in, make them all face us from one direction. So again, utilizing the new armor, we started running. They thought we were just gonna step towards Slag, the smallest, but we ran, and it caught him off guard. All he could do is get out of the way. Swoop tried to dive bomb us, figuring we were a slow and easy target, but we dove out of the way. I think they were still in shock over how agile we were. Gestalts aren’t supposed to move that fast! Haha! We sure made Computron look slower than hell. But, still, the numbers game was against us. We might have been faster, but they had artillery, and we could dodge them for only so long. And no matter how good this new armor was, it wasn’t gonna last forever. So we had a few options: stand and fight as Menasor, and eventually get beat. Run away, and be possibly chased down and arrested, and look like punks. Or separate and try to fight them individually, but then they would have the advantage with the numbers. Luckily we never had to make a decision, because just then, Shockwave showed up. He flew in, landed, and brought a stop to everything. You know, he and the Dinobots have serious history, and he went chest to chest with Grimlock. I mean, Grimlock was ready to take it to him as well, but then we separated and I guess that showed that we weren’t a threat anymore. Of course, that wasn’t the case, because now that we had Shockwave with us, we stood a better chance, but fighting wasn’t really the point of the training. And from what I could tell, Shockwave tried to keep their attention away from the fact that Measor was so fast and agile. I think they were all wrapped up in the conflict and the reasons for it, so maybe that detail wasn’t as obvious. Not to the Autobots anyway. Whatever they said to each other, Shockwave and Grimlock settled it right then and there, and we just left without having to answer for anything. I mean, the Technobots did start it, and there was no damage to any property, and really the only wounds the Technobots had was to their pride. And, heh heh, Scattershot’s crumpled chest plate. In the end, Shockwave got the new armor battle-tested, and we got to scratch an itch we’ve had for a while. We dented the plating of some Autobots, and it felt good.

Bartender! My tab!

Like I said, I don’t know if that armor was ever utilized, we sure didn’t get it. I know the Autobots didn’t either, I haven’t seen it on any of them. But that was one time I didn’t mind being a test subject for that freak Shockwave. Heh.

Thanks. Here you go. Just charge it.

Anyway, I gotta go. This Engex is hitting me hard. I said before I was gonna cut back, so I gotta stop. Hope you enjoyed the story. It might not have been as exciting as I made it out to be, but hey, when you’re in the middle of a fight, it feels like a long time. Enjoy the rest of your night, I’ll probably see you soon. Hell, I got plenty of stories to tell.

Alright, thanks.

Rodimus Prime
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Transformers Podcast: Twincast / Podcast #186 - NYCC 2017
Twincast / Podcast #186:
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