Friendzone! Is it real?
Posted: Fri Mar 13, 2015 10:06 amI wanted to write a little something about this because I was talking to a co-worker about it. Sometimes it’s cool to talk about something other than transformers and I wanted to get the views and experiences of some of our female fans too.
I did a google search the other day for “the real friendzone” and was disappointed to see that most of the articles said the attitude was nonexistent. In fact, the predominate titles were insulting and suing language I wont post here. Do a search and you’ll see what I mean. These are articles by actual magazines, not just an occasional blogger. It was unfortunate.
Why? Because the friendzone is real. However, it is not what has popularly represented. I define the friendzone as a relationship state in which one participant fosters emotional support while avoiding long term commitment. Yeah I know, that seems a very broad definition but I think it underlies the real issue.
I’ve encountered this myself. Year and years ago I was involved with a woman who I was interested in. We did everything together and were great friends. I was there emotionally for her when she needed me and she was there for me…usually. Now, while having the emotional connection made things difficult, I wasn’t a fool. I tried to see other people and so did she. In fact, we went on double dates. I never had a problem looking for other people to see. The problem came when I noticed a change in my friends attitude. She would be angry with me, or distant and say rude things under her breath. I’d ask her what was wrong and she would claim that I wasn’t being a good friend and was ignoring her. I should point out that her attempts at relationships were not going too well at this time. Well this caused me to wonder what was going on, if she wanted a relationship with me or what. I didn’t see it for what is was: an attempt to keep the emotional support she needed.
You see, that’s the real friendzone, when your friend is not interested in you but for that pseudo-boy/girlfriend status. They want all the benefits of being in a committed relationship but not of the commitment…just in case they find someone they are “attracted” too.
Well, long story short, the girl moved away but kept in touch with me. She was even going to get married to someone. I was cool with that, I was moving on and was happy for her. Then one day I got a call from her that pretty much said “Every time I look at my fiancé I wish he was you.” Well, I can’t say I wasn’t excited. She had surprised me by driving down to see me. I was in a play at the time. However, during her visit she began making comments about my house and different things. I discovered was that she was coming up with reasons to “cross me off the list.” I remember looking at her and saying something like “You drove all the way down to tell me this?” I got so fed up with it that I was just like “whatever.” And that was the last I saw of her. A few months later I met my future wife so, happy ending at least.
This should indicate the true dynamic of the “friendzone” and why it’s a bad relationship phenomenon. It’s not limited to males though. Too often the friendzone has been listed as the excuse for the “desperate, unattractive male.” This is ridiculous. My coworker is female and she says she’s had several instances of being friendzoned. It is not limited to one gender, nor to one social group. It’s really about one person taking advantage of another and that’s really what it is about.
I hope anyone reading this can be introspective enough to see if they are really in the friendzone, or just causing their own problems. For women caught in the same loop of unhealthy dependency, I hope it helps them understand that this can happen to them too. Acknowledgement is the first step to breaking out of these traps.
Thank you for your time.
‘Til all are one.
I did a google search the other day for “the real friendzone” and was disappointed to see that most of the articles said the attitude was nonexistent. In fact, the predominate titles were insulting and suing language I wont post here. Do a search and you’ll see what I mean. These are articles by actual magazines, not just an occasional blogger. It was unfortunate.
Why? Because the friendzone is real. However, it is not what has popularly represented. I define the friendzone as a relationship state in which one participant fosters emotional support while avoiding long term commitment. Yeah I know, that seems a very broad definition but I think it underlies the real issue.
I’ve encountered this myself. Year and years ago I was involved with a woman who I was interested in. We did everything together and were great friends. I was there emotionally for her when she needed me and she was there for me…usually. Now, while having the emotional connection made things difficult, I wasn’t a fool. I tried to see other people and so did she. In fact, we went on double dates. I never had a problem looking for other people to see. The problem came when I noticed a change in my friends attitude. She would be angry with me, or distant and say rude things under her breath. I’d ask her what was wrong and she would claim that I wasn’t being a good friend and was ignoring her. I should point out that her attempts at relationships were not going too well at this time. Well this caused me to wonder what was going on, if she wanted a relationship with me or what. I didn’t see it for what is was: an attempt to keep the emotional support she needed.
You see, that’s the real friendzone, when your friend is not interested in you but for that pseudo-boy/girlfriend status. They want all the benefits of being in a committed relationship but not of the commitment…just in case they find someone they are “attracted” too.
Well, long story short, the girl moved away but kept in touch with me. She was even going to get married to someone. I was cool with that, I was moving on and was happy for her. Then one day I got a call from her that pretty much said “Every time I look at my fiancé I wish he was you.” Well, I can’t say I wasn’t excited. She had surprised me by driving down to see me. I was in a play at the time. However, during her visit she began making comments about my house and different things. I discovered was that she was coming up with reasons to “cross me off the list.” I remember looking at her and saying something like “You drove all the way down to tell me this?” I got so fed up with it that I was just like “whatever.” And that was the last I saw of her. A few months later I met my future wife so, happy ending at least.
This should indicate the true dynamic of the “friendzone” and why it’s a bad relationship phenomenon. It’s not limited to males though. Too often the friendzone has been listed as the excuse for the “desperate, unattractive male.” This is ridiculous. My coworker is female and she says she’s had several instances of being friendzoned. It is not limited to one gender, nor to one social group. It’s really about one person taking advantage of another and that’s really what it is about.
I hope anyone reading this can be introspective enough to see if they are really in the friendzone, or just causing their own problems. For women caught in the same loop of unhealthy dependency, I hope it helps them understand that this can happen to them too. Acknowledgement is the first step to breaking out of these traps.
Thank you for your time.
‘Til all are one.
Serves me right for trusting women. 
