The Energon Pub

ARGH!

I swear my Mom makes no sense! She must be OCD or something.

OK, My mom likes a clean house all the time, 24-7 rain or shine, hurricane or apocolypse. Her house must be clean or Mom becomes a raving lunetic with the capablility to destroy what little of your selfasteam remains after living with her for 18 years. This happens every weekend it seems, ESP sunday.

She wakes up, is all fine and happy, goes to the store (AKA Wal-Mart) and seems to obsorb all the negative particles concentrated in that hell hole of a building. She comes home, finds a mess (in this case it being two cups of tea me and my brother were drinking. I was still in the kitchen drinking mine and my brother went to get groceries) and gets mad at the 'mess' on the counter.

It's a cup...a cup. C-U-P. Not something to get pissed over. As many men will tell you, it's never the initial thing that's actually ticking her off. I know its not. But whenever my mom gets like this I can't stand how obserd she is and, being my mother's daughter, become just a bit peeved at having to be at the reciving end of the inferno when I haven't done anything to deserve said verbal abuse. I have found myself being more defensive against it lately (especially since I turned 18 ) and I have been yelled at for being 'Ungrateful' and to an extent I will agree, but I'm sick to the back teeth of standing and taking my mom's crap like I'm a five year old who won't pick up her stuffed animals (Oh god what a memory...). I'm 18 and take on my responsibilities and I think I have a right to stand up for myself. She gets the majority of my paycheck, I think I deserve a bit of adult freedom in return. And my parents wonder why I'm always so defensive...


Later, She turns to me and tells me in a condesending manner that "I'm missing two pairs of black pants, do you think you can bring them down sometime? I don't know how you got them." Meaning she knows I have them and is accusing me of essentially stealing them when she let me borrow them for the various graduation acivities, but is not capable of simply asking me if I have them. So I go up to find them and she yells for me from downstairs. Being a little more then peeved at this point I yell back "I'm getting your pants!"

She says fine and I go get her pants. As I give them to her, she rants at me for not having a right to talk to her like that (And I don't think I deserve to be your verbal punching bag) and I just sick back and take it. I grab my soup and head up stairs. My parents start arguing...again.

My mom is always asking me if she's a good Mom and does she embarass me and what not and for the most part she is a great Mother and yes she emabrasses the crap out of me.

But seriously, she needs to stop being such a bitch all the time before I end up in her place with regards to her Mom; Living on the other side of the country and not speaking to her.



*Sigh*

Thanks for listening and I apologize if your head exploded during the duration of this rant. I will send you a cookie later.

That's rough. However, I have no pearls of wisdom to pass on, considering I'm one of the "moved across the country and we barely talk crowd". Only in my defense, my mom has NEVER really been a good mom, and that's not an exaggration. My mom is the type of person to who has no interest in my life or those of her grandchildren (she hates the term grandma), cheats on her husband (with my and my brother in the same house), smokes like a chimney, and forgets your birthday.

It just sounds like she's uptight about something that's making her generally unhappy so she focuses that anger and menial things. Since you are an adult, maybe you could talk to her about it, as an adult to adult relationship. If she goes off the deep end, just walk away.

But then, like I said. I'm hardly an expert.

I also have nearly zero relationship with my mother. However, I did live with my stepmom and dad til I was 19. I should've been more respectful, because I thought since I was 18 I could come and go as I pleased at any hour because I was an adult, when I should've been observing their rules. I'd fight like you do with you ma with my stepmom, and in the end I got pregnant (whether it was to get out of the house is up for speculation) and she moved out and divorced my father. Don't do anything drastic like that! But if you know a mess bothers your mom and she gets like that, I'd do anything to avoid a fight.

It just feels like they want me to act like an adult and take on the responsibilities and I feel I am doing just that, but they won't actually give me the freedoms that go with it. I don't drink, smoke, stay out late, or bring strange gusy home. I get good grades and do what I'm told...for the most part.

My parents always called me 'the angel baby' because I was the easiest birth, I never cried, and what not. Essentially I was just an easy kid to deal with and now that I'm going through a reletivly late rebellious phase, she pulls the line "What happened to my angel baby?"

That's hitting below the belt a bit I think. She never went anywhere, she's just voicing her opinions more.


And parents really hate that don't they...?

I gets the same crap.

She expects me to have the house spotless every day before she gets home from work, rain, shine, college or holiday.

And even when I do it, she STILL finds something to complain about.

I've had enough of taking her crap, so I just ignore her and go out or go to my room and put the radio on. The Ipod's also a good option.

I know how you feel about this. Heck, once I'm out of university in 6 years or so, I doubt I'll ever really talk to her again. They dump so much crap on us, because they don't know how else to do it.


You're an adult and deserve to be treated like one.

I swear they seem to think we're all just mindless drones. We wake, we work, we eat, we sleep. Yeah right. Like we don't have needs.

They all say that your teen years are your best. But how can we enjoy them if we're not allowed control over our own lives?

Ugh mothers.

That's all I can really say.
I feel for you Neko-chan

You'd be surprised how much things change once you do move out. I've been out of the house for nearly 3 1/2 years and my dad treats me differently. He used to be overprotective and would come check on my house and clean it. Now he trusts me to be a real adult (he should. I am married with two kids!) You have to prove yourselves to your parents before you get any respect whatsoever. Trust.

Yep, my moms like that as well.

I can't say my mom is like that at all other than the cleaning part. My dad gets all pissy like that and I have no idea why. If I don't talk to him, I'm ignoring him. If he doens't hear what I say and I repeat it slowly, he thinks I'm taking a tone with him. He gets himself in these stressed-up situations over absolutely nothing. Its ridiculous.

My mom can resemble that. When she gets into one of those moods that lasts for a while, I tell her that I need to tell her something without her interrupting. And then I tell her how I feel. She gets really sad for a while, and tries to pull the "Poor Little Farmgirl Guilt Trip" with me. I tell her to stop, she's not that anymore, and she's ruining what little youth I have left. I also tell her I'm sorry that her young life may not of been the best, but that does not give her the right to ruin mine. She then goes away, to clean or something for an hour, comes back, apologizes, and life is good again.

You really need to tell your mom how you feel. I also feel that the fact that she gets over half your paycheck is unreasonable. A fifty-fifty split, at the most, but not more than that. You work hard for that money, and deserve to keep at least half, if not more.

Good luck to you with your mother. I hope things work out.

I don't mind giving her the money. I got the job because my Dad had Carpul tunnel and went and got surgery, so he was out of work for a while and we needed money. Ok, that's fine with me, I'm willing to help. I don't have any bills and or anything so OK. But its when she starts with her bitchi-ness it drives me nutz. I give you money, can I have some respect in return?

Like this week. I have roughly $300 in my account. Friday, my mom took $200 out to pay a bill. OK, fine.

My mom knew I was on the lookout for a desk for my room. We find one at Wal-Mart for $64. I know I don't have enough because I had spent around $50 on clothes for school earlier that day so I asked her if she could buy it for me. She says no and that I shouldn't have spent all my money. Well...I needed clothes. I tell her she took all my money. Then she gets all defensive saying things like "Well you should have told me"......*sigh* I did tell her...a good week prior. And every trip to a store we take I tell her I'm gonna go look for a desk and blah blah blah...

Then she gets all pissed because I managed to corner the blame on her and she's never one to accept blame for anything (and she wonders where I get it from) so she uses the excuse "Well I forgot!"

*Proceeds to bang head on table*

Neko, you need to answer her truthfully next time she hits you with "Am I a good mom?"

Tell her you can't deal with sensitive behavior like the cup incident. In fact, bring that up.


But there is more going on with her. Someone who is that anal about cleanliness has major issues, and a confrontation, unless done just right, will just cause more arguing.

My dad was the same way. Of course, his favorite was "Close the damn door!" I swear if the house was on fire, he'd yell at the firemen not to leave the door wide open, they're letting in too much cold air. Then he'd turn the TV way down because having it up is bad for the speakers that can handle that range. And then he'd yell at my sister and I when we were talking in the other room.


So when are you going away to college? If you're not, and you can't afford to move out, you can always do what I used to do:

Whenever you're not at work, sleep all day, be late for dinner because you're still asleep, and then stay up until sunrise drinking and playing San Andreas, Twilight Princess, or Symphony of the Night.

I still think you need to just talk to her. Don't bend to arguing. If she starts up, just walk away, keep it at an adult level. I guarentee, if you ignore the situation, it's only going to get worse. At least if you keep bringing it up, she'll begin to realize that something is wrong.

She'll either realize she screwing up your relationship and stop, or she'll get more pissy...at which point at some point she'll still stop, but at least she'll respect you more because you called her out on her behavior.

It's your call.

Moving out and paying everything on your own, dealing with landlords, etc is a lot tougher in many ways than dealing with a difficult parent. My stepmom was just as bad as yours. Moving out was the coolest thing ever, til I realized the serious downgrade in my quality of life (I mean my living arrangements, etc). It took a long time before I learned to take care of myself and keep the bank account from being overdrafted. Believe it or not, parents can teach you invaluable lessons. They can annoy the sh*t out of you, but they are there for a reason.

Sorry you have to help pay the bills. Kids shouldn't have to take on that kind of burden. And since you are helping financially, you do deserve some respect in return. Sounds like you guys have a lot to work out.

I've known for a while that we just need to talk about it. If fact I suggested to my older brother that we have an open forum one night where everyone gets together and tells someone what they want from that person and what that person is doing wrong, etc etc.

I think things just seem really bad right now because we're kind of in a rut of sorts. The big ol' plan we made a couple years ago went sour: I'm frustrated about what I'm going to major in at school (and my Dad keeps asking me "what do you want?" "what do you want?" and I don't know!!!!!), My Brother's depressed because he has a useless degree (he has a bachalor degree in game art and design. Keep in mind we live in Alabama. 40 miles or so from Birmingham), and My Dad has to go back to driving a truck. My mom...well...I think her thing now is she doesn't like her new boss. Her old boss was like her best friend of sorts.


On a brighter note:

I got to drive our new Yaris to school today! It was so awesome! Now I understand all that "freedom" crap people are talking about when they get their first car! lol.