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my monster battle

PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 5:58 pm
by king bowser
zilla vs 2005 kong
zilla after his defeat in new york has been looking for a new place to call home. he comes aground on a island he looks at the wall blocking the inside from the beach he comes closer to the wall to see what is inside it he saw small humans doing daily things. then his memory came flooding back that humans killed his young and tried to kill him. he roared in fury making the islanders look up and sceam as the 400ft monsterous reptile steped over the wall made to keep the 50ft kong out and layed waste to the village.he quickly began steping on or eating the helpless people.

in the jungle kong was about to fight a v-rex that had wanted his kill but a thunderous roar stoped them both in there tracks they looked around tring to find the source kong knew that somthing huge had come and it wanted the island for itself. soon kong had forgot all about the v-rex and went to see what made the noise zilla had completly destroyed the village and made a nest underground his eggs layed he knew the humans would not kill them again he left to find food. kong was gazing at the ruined village in shock.
suddenly the ground around him began to quake zilla burst out of the ground the great god of skull island was for the first time in his whole life full of terror. the beast before him was over 4 times his size zilla not seeing kong roared out fire shooting out his mouth. he began looking for food he ran across a herd of sauropods he quickly killed one of the dinosaurs. he felt like a king here and he was not about to give that up.

kong was investagating zillas burrow he found the nest he was outraged he did not want more of those monsters runing around his island. he started destroying the eggs one by one zilla came back full of joy to think that his babies will hatch soon and the will replace humans as the top race of animals and rule the world.

but his dreams were shattred as he saw half of the eggs were broken kong seeing zilla quickly ran out of the burrow with zilla in fullspeed behind he ran to a volcano hoping to lead zilla to it but zilla easly outruning him jumped in front of the giant monkey kong stood on his hind legs and beat his chest trying to run zilla off but zilla soon as he got a look at kong looked like a hairy human and it was threating him zilla roared adcepting his threat.

but thats not what kong wanted he went to run but zilla clamped kongs arm in his jaws and slung him around kong flew in the directon the valcano kong landed next to the valcanos opening. he could not fill his arm he look at where his arm sould be but his arm was gone he sreamed in pain telling zilla were he was he rushed kong. kong saw him coming and kept his ground zilla coming hundreds of meters a step kong jumped out the way at the last second zilla let a unearthly roar as he fell in to the lava below kong looked as the monster sunk in to the lava.
he turned to finsh what he started but a thunderous roar destroyed his hopes that zilla was dead. zilla jumped out the lava not hurt by the super-heated rock his skin was to thick. he laughed at kong. kongs primitve mind was runing at the speed of light how did this reptile survive in lava zilla grabed kong in his jaws and crushed kong killing the king of skull island. he left for his nest ready to see his new offspring. zilla had a place to call his own and he was king


THE END

Re: my monster battle

PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 6:04 pm
by Loki God Of Mischief
Wow. Wall of text rendered that tl;dr. You should break it up into paragraphs because honestly I didn't even bother to read it. Also this should go in the fan fiction section or Fantasy Battles most likely.

Re: my monster battle

PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 6:13 pm
by king bowser
there its now in paragaphs

Re: my monster battle

PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 6:24 pm
by Editor
Wait a second.... Burrow?, nest?? Eggs???

You wrote a fanfic for G.I.N.O???? =;

well i guess it was going to happen.

Re: my monster battle

PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 6:38 pm
by king bowser
I made what would happen if zilla came to skull island that dumb monkey would not stand a chance also I did not say he was my favorite monster!!! the origanal godzilla is my favorite :-x

Re: my monster battle

PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 6:41 pm
by Editor
Hey I never stated wether he was your favorite or not, just that we don't hear much positive usage of ol' Godzilla-in-name-only.

If you want to write about him, more power to you.

Re: my monster battle

PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 11:05 pm
by Shadowman
king bowser wrote:I made what would happen if zilla came to skull island that dumb monkey would not stand a chance


Of course he wouldn't. GINO is at least three times as big as Kong.

Re: my monster battle

PostPosted: Sat Dec 06, 2008 4:08 am
by Name_Violation
you should break it up a little more.

still hard to read. not a bad story. great effort. fanfics are always hit or miss, but you did a good job.

2 or 3 long paragraphs still make a wall of text. just a brick wall rather than a cement one. its a little easier to climb, but not by much.

thumb up

Re: my monster battle

PostPosted: Sat Dec 06, 2008 12:26 pm
by king bowser
request anyone? I was thinking of doing another

Re: my monster battle

PostPosted: Sat Dec 06, 2008 2:47 pm
by Name_Violation
i would like to see some more of your work.

Re: my monster battle

PostPosted: Sat Dec 06, 2008 9:08 pm
by Blast Cannon
I'll hazard a guess that considering you have posted the fic in General Discussion you are after a review. Your grammar, structure and form skills are shoddy, putting it politely. There's no real pace to the story, it just seems to be an indulgent realtime commentary on the battle, not a piece of storytelling. Your descriptions are actually quite good and it's obvious you are passionate about writing and the subject, but it does need a lot of work if you're going to improve.

Re: my monster battle

PostPosted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 8:26 pm
by king bowser
if i do make another it will be in fan fiction