Returning ...What is winter? (Please read)
Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:02 pm“She has died ... but she has yet to pass away.”
Acceptance is hard. What is winter to the man who wears no coat?
But, even winter cannot stay. Spring WILL eventually come and this --lacking any other better description to offer on my part-- is precisely is where I have found myself at after a slow walk ... No. Scratch that. A slow ‘crawl’ back to myself and normality once again.
If you know me, remember me here, then most of you are/were already well aware what all that relates to, but it’s also been some time now since the days of Demiurgic City on Seibertron. There are a lot of brand new faces here now and with some favor that spares me most of the same lengthy explanation again.
My mother passed away late last year from cancer and her loss left my youngest, two siblings suddenly without a parent or a home all in the same suffering blow. There’s an illusion --one that I suppose comes from being the second eldest-- that made me initially believe that I could handle it all and become the almighty pillow of comfort and the pillar of strength both in the aftermath of it. I presented this image on the web and tried, at least once before that I am aware of, to return back to the way things had been before. The momentum would be strong for a few days or so, but suddenly I was just right back to sitting in the same exact pool of decay.
It startles me .. It STILL startles me yet, that I could have even found myself in such a powerful vise grip like that of loss, unacceptance, and depression that not even familiar favorites such as my drawing and Transformers wasn’t strong enough for me. I just walked away. I walked away from everything. I pout at my drawing tablets... I even stopped collecting for several months.
But Spring WILL come.
My apologies here to anyone I may have wronged, left behind, or even hurt selfishly as a result of this. I thank you in advance for any gesture and encouragement to try again. To those I am meeting for the first time, I hope that this post will be a step in the right direction towards knowing you all a lot more and better. I’ve been ‘cracking open the windows’ on my life to air out my soul these last few weeks. I moved this passed April to a new home after nearly 7 years spent at the old one, and I even became a Grandma on March 10th. Imagine that ...34-years old Gah! XD
Sincerely,
~Shinju
Acceptance is hard. What is winter to the man who wears no coat?
But, even winter cannot stay. Spring WILL eventually come and this --lacking any other better description to offer on my part-- is precisely is where I have found myself at after a slow walk ... No. Scratch that. A slow ‘crawl’ back to myself and normality once again.
If you know me, remember me here, then most of you are/were already well aware what all that relates to, but it’s also been some time now since the days of Demiurgic City on Seibertron. There are a lot of brand new faces here now and with some favor that spares me most of the same lengthy explanation again.
My mother passed away late last year from cancer and her loss left my youngest, two siblings suddenly without a parent or a home all in the same suffering blow. There’s an illusion --one that I suppose comes from being the second eldest-- that made me initially believe that I could handle it all and become the almighty pillow of comfort and the pillar of strength both in the aftermath of it. I presented this image on the web and tried, at least once before that I am aware of, to return back to the way things had been before. The momentum would be strong for a few days or so, but suddenly I was just right back to sitting in the same exact pool of decay.
It startles me .. It STILL startles me yet, that I could have even found myself in such a powerful vise grip like that of loss, unacceptance, and depression that not even familiar favorites such as my drawing and Transformers wasn’t strong enough for me. I just walked away. I walked away from everything. I pout at my drawing tablets... I even stopped collecting for several months.
But Spring WILL come.
My apologies here to anyone I may have wronged, left behind, or even hurt selfishly as a result of this. I thank you in advance for any gesture and encouragement to try again. To those I am meeting for the first time, I hope that this post will be a step in the right direction towards knowing you all a lot more and better. I’ve been ‘cracking open the windows’ on my life to air out my soul these last few weeks. I moved this passed April to a new home after nearly 7 years spent at the old one, and I even became a Grandma on March 10th. Imagine that ...34-years old Gah! XD
Sincerely,
~Shinju
