HMW: Frontline Vol.1 Issue 6
Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2007 9:08 pmHMW: Frontline Vol.1 Issue 6
Reporting from Hell's Front Line
This is Kamjiin, HMW: Frontline's War Correspondant, reporting to you from the front lines of the Great War. At last, we are back on our regular schedule. Today we intervieved Redimus of exitium. I hope you find this interview as enjoyable as I did.
Kamjiin: Thank you for joining us, Redimus.
Redimus: No probs
Kamjiin: You've got a rep for your terrible temper. To what do you attribute it?
Redimus: Dreadspawn. He never follows my masterplans.
Kamjiin: Do you enjoy your position as the brains behind exitium, or are you the more ambitious type?
Redimus: I wouldn't say it is a case of enjoy or not enjoy. It is my duty. Sadly it is far from an easy job. And the caffeinated energon intake needed is a real killer. But when it works its is fantastic. If only i didnt work for a group lead by a glory hunting insane maniac who claims to be infused with the power of some crazy mythical being...
Oh **censored**.... I told Behalter Maximus not to do that... another astrohour in the CR for him...sorry... continue.
Kamjiin: What are the DREAD exactly? I for one don't believe in gremlins, but thats what they seem like to me based on Dreadspawn's reports.
Redimus: From what I can gather (and I have had Purple Floyd trying to gather as much information on the DREAD as possible, and with limited results). What I can tell is it (i do not think it is a he/she/they) has been intertwined in this team's history since before the Unicronian war.
ASTROTRAIN! GET THAT WEAPONRY TO DREADSPAWN NOW!
Sorry... **censored** triple changers... they never listen.
Kamjiin: Speaking of PF, you two have been partners for some time. He seems rather emo. How do you tolerate that on a regular basis?
Redimus: Ouch... I wouldnt let him hear you say that! He has a true obsession with music, especially Pink Floyd, The music defines his very being. Luckily the music is tolerable. We have developed a reasonable working relationship, and as such I can tolerate him because he provides me with the information I need... sometimes.
Kamjiin: Why exactly does the team keep Deadweight around? He seems more trouble than he's worth.
Redimus: How many times have I asked Dreadspawn that question...
Kamjiin: When you aren't running over llamas, what do you do in your spare time?
Redimus: I have little spare time. When I do however have time to waste, I like sit back and listen to some of the louder music that can't be listened to when I'm trying to concentrate. Sadly, with the escalation of the conflict (all those furry creatures to stomp on) I have less and less time to relax. I also enjoy listing all Dreadspawn's faults...
Kamjiin: You recently snuck behind enemy lines on a rescue mission, which turned out to be an ambush laid by four of the top roster autobots. Making matters worse, no reinforcements came, and you had to extract yourself. Complete FUBAR! Tell our recruits out there, what do you do when it all goes south like that?
Redimus: Blame Dreadspawn. Erm, seriously. I myself rarely end up in that situation, mainly because it is generally deemed sensible to leave me a safe distence away to plan and relay orders. It is often a lot easier to find the least destructive route out, or to find that elusive opportunity to turn your fortunes if you have the overall picture.
Kamjiin: What's the best advice you have for all the new recruits out there?
Redimus: Find suport! Until exitium joined the RDD, they were a joke. They sure as hell would not have atracted me. Now, thanks a lot ot my own tactical genious, exitium are amongst the strongest tactical groups in the universe!!
That and get a good supply of medics...
Kamjiin: Who do you consider your biggest rival in the field?
Redimus: Windracer's team are formidable opponents, and one that I take great pride in besting. And the Toxicons... but only cause they are such a cheap and easy victory.
Kamjiin: Gore has stated his intention to take command of the Decepticons. He's even taken to calling himself "Preffered Decepticon Leader." Do you "prefer" him? Or do you have a different candidate in mind?
Redimus: Well... he certainly fits in the Megatron, Galvatron mold.
Loud...
Proud...
Arrogant...
and tactically inept.
He will be a useful figurehead.
Kamjiin: Redimus, thank you again for this enlightening discussion.
Let's get some perspective on what things look like in the field right now:
Anonymous Maximal 32: "The Autobots were pretty angry I spilled my guts, but let's see them hold out under that kind of pressure. They never came to rescue me. I only escaped because the Predacon base collapsed under a mountain of airdropped leaflets from the Maximal Defense Force. Yep, I'm a Maximal now."
Anonymous Predacon 14: "I'm gone for a few hours and this is what happens! Alright...that's it! Scour the surrounding territory and bring me the head of any Maximals you encounter. Especially this...Mogwai. What in the name of Primus is a Mogwai?!
According to the newsscrolls in the archives, the Decepticons are winning in the pits. The Autobots are winning the field. And both are whining because there's no one to fight. Perhaps they'd like to get together and actually FIGHT each other some time.
Don't hide when your targets are in plain sight! Visit your nearest Predacon Army Recruiting Office and learn more TODAY!
In other news today: The Autobots unofficial mascot, Wheelie, remains missing. Despite repeated requests and offers of a reward, no one has given a single tip. Someone must have information. The kidnappers remain at large and have yet to make their demands known. Anyone with any information on the crime or knowledge of Wheelie's whereabouts are urged to contact Autobase immediately. Tipsters may choose to remain anonymous.
Classifieds
Climb mountains. Explore the desert sands. Conquer vast oceans. Visit exotic time periods and startlingly breathtaking new worlds. Stalk your prey, and rip the spark from their worthless hides!!! The Predacon Attack Coalition is more than just a finely tuned, precision instrument of military prowess, it's an adventure.
Join the Predacon Attack Coalition! Be a part of something greater than yourself. You have the power to save Cybertron!
Go Predacon! It's not the right choice, it's the only choice!
Today we'd like to close with this public service message brought to you by our proud sponsors:
"Doyouhideinthepits?Areyourfriendsafraidtohelpyouinthefield?Everbeenleftalone,outnumbered,waitingforreinforcementsthatneverarrive?Rememberthatthenexttimeyouhideawayandshirkyourduty.Onlyyoucanpreventstasislock!Nowgetoutthereandhelpthehometeamwinone!Becauseifwedon'twin,welose,andifweloseit'sover,becausewelost."
Thank you for choosing HWM:Frontline. We hope you enjoyed our this installment. Please join us for our next exciting issue. I'm Kamjiin, your Frontline War Correspondant, dedicated to reporting Honest and Accurate stories from the front lines of the Great War.
Correction: Last week we had a few complaints regarding comments this publication made regarding Maximals. We regret any misunderstandings this may have caused. The piece should have read: useless Maximal, dead Maximal, worthless Maximal, gutless Maximal, in that order. We apologize for our error.
Staff: Kamjiin- Correspondant/ Editor, MamaKitty- Proofreader, Grimsqueaker- Photographer, Tammuz- Columnist
Contributors: Redimus, Tammuz
Back issues available here: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5,
In the Next Issue of HMW: Frontline, Evolution Prime and Gore in a no holds barred confrontation...
Reporting from Hell's Front Line
This is Kamjiin, HMW: Frontline's War Correspondant, reporting to you from the front lines of the Great War. At last, we are back on our regular schedule. Today we intervieved Redimus of exitium. I hope you find this interview as enjoyable as I did.
Kamjiin: Thank you for joining us, Redimus.
Redimus: No probs
Kamjiin: You've got a rep for your terrible temper. To what do you attribute it?
Redimus: Dreadspawn. He never follows my masterplans.
Kamjiin: Do you enjoy your position as the brains behind exitium, or are you the more ambitious type?
Redimus: I wouldn't say it is a case of enjoy or not enjoy. It is my duty. Sadly it is far from an easy job. And the caffeinated energon intake needed is a real killer. But when it works its is fantastic. If only i didnt work for a group lead by a glory hunting insane maniac who claims to be infused with the power of some crazy mythical being...
Oh **censored**.... I told Behalter Maximus not to do that... another astrohour in the CR for him...sorry... continue.
Kamjiin: What are the DREAD exactly? I for one don't believe in gremlins, but thats what they seem like to me based on Dreadspawn's reports.
Redimus: From what I can gather (and I have had Purple Floyd trying to gather as much information on the DREAD as possible, and with limited results). What I can tell is it (i do not think it is a he/she/they) has been intertwined in this team's history since before the Unicronian war.
ASTROTRAIN! GET THAT WEAPONRY TO DREADSPAWN NOW!
Sorry... **censored** triple changers... they never listen.
Kamjiin: Speaking of PF, you two have been partners for some time. He seems rather emo. How do you tolerate that on a regular basis?
Redimus: Ouch... I wouldnt let him hear you say that! He has a true obsession with music, especially Pink Floyd, The music defines his very being. Luckily the music is tolerable. We have developed a reasonable working relationship, and as such I can tolerate him because he provides me with the information I need... sometimes.
Kamjiin: Why exactly does the team keep Deadweight around? He seems more trouble than he's worth.
Redimus: How many times have I asked Dreadspawn that question...
Kamjiin: When you aren't running over llamas, what do you do in your spare time?
Redimus: I have little spare time. When I do however have time to waste, I like sit back and listen to some of the louder music that can't be listened to when I'm trying to concentrate. Sadly, with the escalation of the conflict (all those furry creatures to stomp on) I have less and less time to relax. I also enjoy listing all Dreadspawn's faults...
Kamjiin: You recently snuck behind enemy lines on a rescue mission, which turned out to be an ambush laid by four of the top roster autobots. Making matters worse, no reinforcements came, and you had to extract yourself. Complete FUBAR! Tell our recruits out there, what do you do when it all goes south like that?
Redimus: Blame Dreadspawn. Erm, seriously. I myself rarely end up in that situation, mainly because it is generally deemed sensible to leave me a safe distence away to plan and relay orders. It is often a lot easier to find the least destructive route out, or to find that elusive opportunity to turn your fortunes if you have the overall picture.
Kamjiin: What's the best advice you have for all the new recruits out there?
Redimus: Find suport! Until exitium joined the RDD, they were a joke. They sure as hell would not have atracted me. Now, thanks a lot ot my own tactical genious, exitium are amongst the strongest tactical groups in the universe!!
That and get a good supply of medics...
Kamjiin: Who do you consider your biggest rival in the field?
Redimus: Windracer's team are formidable opponents, and one that I take great pride in besting. And the Toxicons... but only cause they are such a cheap and easy victory.
Kamjiin: Gore has stated his intention to take command of the Decepticons. He's even taken to calling himself "Preffered Decepticon Leader." Do you "prefer" him? Or do you have a different candidate in mind?
Redimus: Well... he certainly fits in the Megatron, Galvatron mold.
Loud...
Proud...
Arrogant...
and tactically inept.
He will be a useful figurehead.
Kamjiin: Redimus, thank you again for this enlightening discussion.
Let's get some perspective on what things look like in the field right now:
Anonymous Maximal 32: "The Autobots were pretty angry I spilled my guts, but let's see them hold out under that kind of pressure. They never came to rescue me. I only escaped because the Predacon base collapsed under a mountain of airdropped leaflets from the Maximal Defense Force. Yep, I'm a Maximal now."
Anonymous Predacon 14: "I'm gone for a few hours and this is what happens! Alright...that's it! Scour the surrounding territory and bring me the head of any Maximals you encounter. Especially this...Mogwai. What in the name of Primus is a Mogwai?!
Tammuz wrote:HEAT SEEKING LASERBLASTERS
does not do what it says on the box
The weapons tester's Microwave blew up this week. No we didn't test the HSLBs on it, but they did make a bloody good replacement. We had popcorn in 78 seconds. As an offensive weapon it fails, as a kitchen appliance we recommend it.
And this is why it fails; the thing about lasers, is that their light rays all lined up,and the thing about light is that it travels only at the speed of light. If light was to bend, that would mean either two things; one, the light waves would stop being lined up and you're left holding a rather complex light bulb, or two, the light rays on the outside of bend need to travel faster to stay in line with the ones on the inside of the curve. Now as the speed of light is constant, this means you've managed to slow time on the outside of the beam, relative to the inside, and you're left holding a rather simple time machine.
Now that we understand that, we now realise why lasers don't bend, and thus why it's very hard to make them seek anything, heat or othewise. Bloody false advertising.
Apparently Fortress Maximus has these strapped to his knees, I suppose Spike and Cerebros really did scavenge him from a ruined nebulon city, though for some reason they've got made in taiwan stamped on the bottom.
According to the newsscrolls in the archives, the Decepticons are winning in the pits. The Autobots are winning the field. And both are whining because there's no one to fight. Perhaps they'd like to get together and actually FIGHT each other some time.
Don't hide when your targets are in plain sight! Visit your nearest Predacon Army Recruiting Office and learn more TODAY!
In other news today: The Autobots unofficial mascot, Wheelie, remains missing. Despite repeated requests and offers of a reward, no one has given a single tip. Someone must have information. The kidnappers remain at large and have yet to make their demands known. Anyone with any information on the crime or knowledge of Wheelie's whereabouts are urged to contact Autobase immediately. Tipsters may choose to remain anonymous.
Classifieds
Tammuz wrote:I've got Four PPFs for sale. One owner. Excellent Condition. Used once on little old lady.
Climb mountains. Explore the desert sands. Conquer vast oceans. Visit exotic time periods and startlingly breathtaking new worlds. Stalk your prey, and rip the spark from their worthless hides!!! The Predacon Attack Coalition is more than just a finely tuned, precision instrument of military prowess, it's an adventure.
Join the Predacon Attack Coalition! Be a part of something greater than yourself. You have the power to save Cybertron!
Go Predacon! It's not the right choice, it's the only choice!
Today we'd like to close with this public service message brought to you by our proud sponsors:
"Doyouhideinthepits?Areyourfriendsafraidtohelpyouinthefield?Everbeenleftalone,outnumbered,waitingforreinforcementsthatneverarrive?Rememberthatthenexttimeyouhideawayandshirkyourduty.Onlyyoucanpreventstasislock!Nowgetoutthereandhelpthehometeamwinone!Becauseifwedon'twin,welose,andifweloseit'sover,becausewelost."
Thank you for choosing HWM:Frontline. We hope you enjoyed our this installment. Please join us for our next exciting issue. I'm Kamjiin, your Frontline War Correspondant, dedicated to reporting Honest and Accurate stories from the front lines of the Great War.
Correction: Last week we had a few complaints regarding comments this publication made regarding Maximals. We regret any misunderstandings this may have caused. The piece should have read: useless Maximal, dead Maximal, worthless Maximal, gutless Maximal, in that order. We apologize for our error.
Staff: Kamjiin- Correspondant/ Editor, MamaKitty- Proofreader, Grimsqueaker- Photographer, Tammuz- Columnist
Contributors: Redimus, Tammuz
Back issues available here: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5,
In the Next Issue of HMW: Frontline, Evolution Prime and Gore in a no holds barred confrontation...
