This is
WARPORNNEWSNETWORK
making a profit out of a crisis.
- Good evening. I'm Zombie Cheerleader
- And I'm the other one. Tonight we bring you a special report on Decahex, and the increasing levels of violence in the region that may or may not be as a result of the collapse of Cybertrons last remaining energon mine. We now pass you over to Hazard, our expendable reporter who we only send to the really dangerous places:
did I do to deserve this? Last time I sign anything Psychout tells me t-*Gah! That was close!* What?? Oh, I'm here on the outskirts of Decahex mine 4 which, until last week, was the last remaining active mine on Cybertron. Accident investigators have now fled the scene, but their initial findings point to a deliberate act of sabota*AAARGH!!*. Phew. Despite the mines extensive security and the region being demilitarised many centuries ago it is certainly clear that whoever was able to get in here had high level clearance and good knowledge of explosives. Naturally, both factions want to ensure that whatever remains of the mines ore is taken for their purposes and so there has been fierce fighting all over the zone with many casualties, mostly accident investigators. Outposts from both factions have now called for reinforcements and the way tensions are escalating it would appear- *WOAH!! that was too close! Someone tell these idiots to stop shooting at u-* Ahem. Now, nowhere is safe in this region. Both factions have fortified various entrances to the mine and have dug in deep in preparation and are heavily armed. It is going to be a long battle, and *HEY! WATCH IT, JOURNALIST!!*
...I'm getting the hell out of here!
- Hazard there, reporting bravely from a long way way behind the front lines.
- With the destruction of Mine 4, most supply routes across Cybertron have been heavily disrupted so we decided to check in on Iacon's barracks, where various Autobot commanders have reported in after last weekends neural upgrade request. We now go live to
Prowl as he gives his soldiers another briefing on the situation...
As you all know, the field test will in Decahex next week and these units will be fitted in the next few days. You will relieve the security and investigation teams, allowing them to establish exactly who is responsible for the mines destruction, hopefully by recovering the real security tapes and not the faked one those idiots at WarPorn News have been broadcasting. No one here thinks it's a coincidence that only a 'senator' would have access to the mine schemat
- Ah, we'll just leave that there.
- And finally, we have a statement from
Starscream, who has taken time out from his usual deliveries to bring us this message:
Decepticons, you have 4 days left to to upgrade your Neural Scanners before we head out to take what's left of Decahex for the Decepticon empire. I don't need to tell you how important this mine is to our cause. So remember, Megatron does not tolerate failure and neither shall I!
- So there you have it - 4 days left to report in for the upgrade, and reinforcements will be deployed in a week. Hmmm. Does any one here think that
not broadcasting all these details publicly might prevent a lot of the bloodshed and violence or could maybe help bring peace to our crippled planet?
- Nah.
Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 4:48 am
We all like being in the pink at some point.
