Diem watches Transformers: Prime

Usually I can be found in the Toy Forum, discussing the best and the weirdest toys but now I decided to turn my attention to the latest Transformers series.
Even before Transformers: Prime came out I was filled with trepidation. The series was being touted as a new "mature" series. Even the word "gritty" may have been bandied about. At last, a serious, po-faced series about the transforming robot aliens from space.
The trouble is, the word "mature" is one of those things where the more you talk about it the less you have it, like G1 Fortress Maximus or sex. A "mature" video game will usually have you playing a space marine who is marginally broader than he is tall shooting aliens with a bullet-hose. "Mature" comics are just like regular comics with more chins, blood and swears.
And so I approached Prime with the same open-mindedness as I would something I deeply dislike like a salad, a chav or an episode of Transformers: Prime. But now that I've watched it throughout I have a new found understanding and respect for the amount of fun I can make of this show.
Episode 1: Arrival From Somewheretron
The first thing we get to see is Cliffjumper, portrayed by Dwayne "The Tan" Johnson skyping with Arcee, who is the sassy, senstitive, and dare I say it token female character that we're all used to. It's 30 seconds before we get the first reference to policemen soiling their own trousers and 50 seconds before the infodump (WE ARE KEEPING LOW PROFILE HUNTING ENERGON DON'T KNOW WHERE DECEPTICONS ARE). We soon get into our first fight as Cliffjumper starts fighting off Decepticlones (one of the admittedly interesting concepts in this show is how hilariously outnumbered the Autobots are, though this becomes less relevant in later episodes).
And then we get the title screen because this children's cartoon is too awesome for a theme tune.
The next thing that we discover is that the Autobots apparently spend all their time driving around in the vague hope that they'll spot some energon out of the corner of their windshields. They agree to rendezvous back at base so that they can use the Groundbridge (a device that can take them to any number of loosely-rendered, totally unpopulated areas) to follow Cliff. Meanwhile a defeated Cliff gets brought before the most poorly-designed Starscream since Classics Pretenders. It turns out that STARSCREAM WINS: FATALITY!!
The combined forces of the Autobots make a very grand and orchestral entrance into (in what I hope is self-aware enough to be supposed to be a comedy moment) and empty canyon. After discovering Cliff's death he gets a ten second eulogy before the Autobots get back to their giddy schedule of protecting humans and complaining about protecting humans. Given that this is apparently the first Decepticon activity in three years (hey, that's a lot of driving around looking aimlessly for energon) I wonder how they can go "back" to protecting humans but that's why I never got to write for a Michael Bay movie.
It's here that we meet our first human, Jack. His first lines of dialogue are delivered with so much boredom and derision that I wonder if he's been watching this show. Anyway he's in a job he clearly dislikes and doing it poorly and stupidly. The audience-surrogate character, ladies and gents! Arcee pulls into the car park of the not-Burger King that he works at to avoid more Decepticlones. Jack starts fondling what he thinks is an ordinary motorcycle in a scene exactly as creepy as it sounds, and when some girls approach he reveals that he's as good with the ladies as he is with his career and being funny.
After Jack straddles Arcee, again as creepy as it sounds, Decepticlones attack and the fembot is forced to make a getaway. During this scene we get to see a bit of Arcee's character, which is good. Unfortunately it's the same as every female Autobot/Maximal character we've seen before. Male characters get to be stupid, grumpy, cute, hyperactive, aggressive, pigheaded, nerdy, dignified or authoritarian. Female Transformers wind up being intelligent, snarky and secretly sensitive every damn time. We will eventually get to see a female 'former who's a little different later in the series but for now it's annoying.
After a too-long getaway scene we get to meet Human 2, Raf, who apparently spends his free time by himself with a remote-control car under a freeway. At this point we go from a 5-minute car chase scene to a 5-minute fight scene between Arcee, Bumblebee and 2 Decepticlones. To be fair, the fights are one of the series' strong points; they are far more fluid than previous installments and far cleaner and tighter than the Movieverse battles. In a painfully obnoxious moment it's revealed that Bumblebee is still voiceless and is stuck communticating in WALL-E style beeps and whirrs. It's an oddly kid-friendly trait that sticks out like a sore thumb in this supposedly more mature show.
Raf gets the Decepticlones' attention which results in one of them turning its back on the two armed robotic opponents, forgetting that it has a gun and following the humans so ploddingly that they have time to climb inside a drain. Bear in mind here that the clones are not mindless drones, they can certainly talk.
Anyway the two Decepticlones hold their own against the 'bots which is good for them because once more named Decepticons show up they'll be reduced to the level of Putty Patrollers. However once Bulkhead turns up they quickly leave the scene (later on it turns out that Bulkhead is pretty bloody hardcore so this makes sense). Back at base Optimus Prig lets RC and BB know that they're on babysitting duty until further notice.
Here we get to meet Human 3, Miko, who is the most engaging character in the show. Remember that show Heroes where everyone was very emo about having superpowers except for Hiro? Miko carries on the fine tradition of Japanese characters who can see the awesome side while everyone else is moaning. While Arcee and Jack both make it clear that they're just as happy to be in this situation as I am to be watching it, she is visibly having a great time.
It's at this point that everyone gets back to Autobase where we get a (fairly impressive) worm's-eye view of the characters. Optimus gets to do his exposition speech from Transformers (2007) again. At least Miko points out how heavy the expospeak is getting. Meanwhile using their spacebridge the Decepticons summon from space...Motormaster! Just kidding, it's Megatron, anyting else would have been too interesting.
Character Notes: Cliffjumper
We get to enjoy Cliffjumper's personality for a good three minutes in this episode and what we get of it is good stuff. He's chrasimatic, slightly boastful but willing to admit when he's in over his head. He's made up his own catchphrase ("...you get the HORNS!") which is an impressive bit of characterization. Just in his few scenes he gets more diluted uniqueness than anyone else does in the other 19 minutes of the episode. Which is rather sad, given that his job is just to be killed off. It's like baking a beautiful cake for dinner guests and then dumping it upside down on the table.
As a device Cliffjumper is alarmingly blatant. He's here purely to show that anyone can die and that this show is super super serious and so he gets personality enough to not be a redshirt. But that really doesn't need to be the end of it for him. At the start of Watchmen the Comedian is killed within the first few pages but his presence, legacy and character persist throughout the book. Here, Cliffjumper is forgotten less than an act later. Everyone is making snide comments or happy beeps and no-one reminisces or talks about the loss. It's an empty emotion following an empty gesture.
Final analysis
As you may have noticed I was very hard on this episode. Maybe harder than it deserves. It certainly isn't a bad or incompetent start to a show. But the various elements here (Autobots befriend humans, Starscream prepares to stab Megatron in the back) are such a familiar pitcher that the writers should have been able to knock this clean out of the park. By now, it should be possible to write an opening episode to a TF series in your sleep. And yet there's nothing inspiring here.
I'm going to be possibly unfair and compare this to two of the best shows, Beast Wars and Animated. Beast Wars was a good example. Within a few lines of dialogue we have the fascinating Dinobot, the sinister Megatron and some realistic and compelling conflict between the heroes. Animated manages to pack raw character into its very designs. This episode, on the other hand felt dry and weak.
That's not to say there isn't potential for later. It's true that in later epsiodes the show picks up a bit. But I'll save that for next time.
Haven't you heard? Diems multiply.
Even before Transformers: Prime came out I was filled with trepidation. The series was being touted as a new "mature" series. Even the word "gritty" may have been bandied about. At last, a serious, po-faced series about the transforming robot aliens from space.
The trouble is, the word "mature" is one of those things where the more you talk about it the less you have it, like G1 Fortress Maximus or sex. A "mature" video game will usually have you playing a space marine who is marginally broader than he is tall shooting aliens with a bullet-hose. "Mature" comics are just like regular comics with more chins, blood and swears.
And so I approached Prime with the same open-mindedness as I would something I deeply dislike like a salad, a chav or an episode of Transformers: Prime. But now that I've watched it throughout I have a new found understanding and respect for the amount of fun I can make of this show.
Episode 1: Arrival From Somewheretron
The first thing we get to see is Cliffjumper, portrayed by Dwayne "The Tan" Johnson skyping with Arcee, who is the sassy, senstitive, and dare I say it token female character that we're all used to. It's 30 seconds before we get the first reference to policemen soiling their own trousers and 50 seconds before the infodump (WE ARE KEEPING LOW PROFILE HUNTING ENERGON DON'T KNOW WHERE DECEPTICONS ARE). We soon get into our first fight as Cliffjumper starts fighting off Decepticlones (one of the admittedly interesting concepts in this show is how hilariously outnumbered the Autobots are, though this becomes less relevant in later episodes).
And then we get the title screen because this children's cartoon is too awesome for a theme tune.
The next thing that we discover is that the Autobots apparently spend all their time driving around in the vague hope that they'll spot some energon out of the corner of their windshields. They agree to rendezvous back at base so that they can use the Groundbridge (a device that can take them to any number of loosely-rendered, totally unpopulated areas) to follow Cliff. Meanwhile a defeated Cliff gets brought before the most poorly-designed Starscream since Classics Pretenders. It turns out that STARSCREAM WINS: FATALITY!!
The combined forces of the Autobots make a very grand and orchestral entrance into (in what I hope is self-aware enough to be supposed to be a comedy moment) and empty canyon. After discovering Cliff's death he gets a ten second eulogy before the Autobots get back to their giddy schedule of protecting humans and complaining about protecting humans. Given that this is apparently the first Decepticon activity in three years (hey, that's a lot of driving around looking aimlessly for energon) I wonder how they can go "back" to protecting humans but that's why I never got to write for a Michael Bay movie.
It's here that we meet our first human, Jack. His first lines of dialogue are delivered with so much boredom and derision that I wonder if he's been watching this show. Anyway he's in a job he clearly dislikes and doing it poorly and stupidly. The audience-surrogate character, ladies and gents! Arcee pulls into the car park of the not-Burger King that he works at to avoid more Decepticlones. Jack starts fondling what he thinks is an ordinary motorcycle in a scene exactly as creepy as it sounds, and when some girls approach he reveals that he's as good with the ladies as he is with his career and being funny.
After Jack straddles Arcee, again as creepy as it sounds, Decepticlones attack and the fembot is forced to make a getaway. During this scene we get to see a bit of Arcee's character, which is good. Unfortunately it's the same as every female Autobot/Maximal character we've seen before. Male characters get to be stupid, grumpy, cute, hyperactive, aggressive, pigheaded, nerdy, dignified or authoritarian. Female Transformers wind up being intelligent, snarky and secretly sensitive every damn time. We will eventually get to see a female 'former who's a little different later in the series but for now it's annoying.
After a too-long getaway scene we get to meet Human 2, Raf, who apparently spends his free time by himself with a remote-control car under a freeway. At this point we go from a 5-minute car chase scene to a 5-minute fight scene between Arcee, Bumblebee and 2 Decepticlones. To be fair, the fights are one of the series' strong points; they are far more fluid than previous installments and far cleaner and tighter than the Movieverse battles. In a painfully obnoxious moment it's revealed that Bumblebee is still voiceless and is stuck communticating in WALL-E style beeps and whirrs. It's an oddly kid-friendly trait that sticks out like a sore thumb in this supposedly more mature show.
Raf gets the Decepticlones' attention which results in one of them turning its back on the two armed robotic opponents, forgetting that it has a gun and following the humans so ploddingly that they have time to climb inside a drain. Bear in mind here that the clones are not mindless drones, they can certainly talk.
Anyway the two Decepticlones hold their own against the 'bots which is good for them because once more named Decepticons show up they'll be reduced to the level of Putty Patrollers. However once Bulkhead turns up they quickly leave the scene (later on it turns out that Bulkhead is pretty bloody hardcore so this makes sense). Back at base Optimus Prig lets RC and BB know that they're on babysitting duty until further notice.
Here we get to meet Human 3, Miko, who is the most engaging character in the show. Remember that show Heroes where everyone was very emo about having superpowers except for Hiro? Miko carries on the fine tradition of Japanese characters who can see the awesome side while everyone else is moaning. While Arcee and Jack both make it clear that they're just as happy to be in this situation as I am to be watching it, she is visibly having a great time.
It's at this point that everyone gets back to Autobase where we get a (fairly impressive) worm's-eye view of the characters. Optimus gets to do his exposition speech from Transformers (2007) again. At least Miko points out how heavy the expospeak is getting. Meanwhile using their spacebridge the Decepticons summon from space...Motormaster! Just kidding, it's Megatron, anyting else would have been too interesting.
Character Notes: Cliffjumper
We get to enjoy Cliffjumper's personality for a good three minutes in this episode and what we get of it is good stuff. He's chrasimatic, slightly boastful but willing to admit when he's in over his head. He's made up his own catchphrase ("...you get the HORNS!") which is an impressive bit of characterization. Just in his few scenes he gets more diluted uniqueness than anyone else does in the other 19 minutes of the episode. Which is rather sad, given that his job is just to be killed off. It's like baking a beautiful cake for dinner guests and then dumping it upside down on the table.
As a device Cliffjumper is alarmingly blatant. He's here purely to show that anyone can die and that this show is super super serious and so he gets personality enough to not be a redshirt. But that really doesn't need to be the end of it for him. At the start of Watchmen the Comedian is killed within the first few pages but his presence, legacy and character persist throughout the book. Here, Cliffjumper is forgotten less than an act later. Everyone is making snide comments or happy beeps and no-one reminisces or talks about the loss. It's an empty emotion following an empty gesture.
Final analysis
As you may have noticed I was very hard on this episode. Maybe harder than it deserves. It certainly isn't a bad or incompetent start to a show. But the various elements here (Autobots befriend humans, Starscream prepares to stab Megatron in the back) are such a familiar pitcher that the writers should have been able to knock this clean out of the park. By now, it should be possible to write an opening episode to a TF series in your sleep. And yet there's nothing inspiring here.
I'm going to be possibly unfair and compare this to two of the best shows, Beast Wars and Animated. Beast Wars was a good example. Within a few lines of dialogue we have the fascinating Dinobot, the sinister Megatron and some realistic and compelling conflict between the heroes. Animated manages to pack raw character into its very designs. This episode, on the other hand felt dry and weak.
That's not to say there isn't potential for later. It's true that in later epsiodes the show picks up a bit. But I'll save that for next time.
Haven't you heard? Diems multiply.