The Energon Pub

OK, you know the drill. In this here topic, we post things certain characters would probably never EEEEEEEEVER say.

I'll start:

*Optimus Rings up Magnus about his use of the word 'Dammit' in the movie.*

Optimus: "Yooooooooou cannot say the Filth, flarn, flarn, flarn, filth in front of PEOPLE."
Magnus: "I never said no 'Filth, Flarn, filth, And I"m offended that you called. **** you!"

Okay, that's a good one.

Megatron: You disappoint me yet again Starscream...
Starscream: My appologies sir... um... sir?
Magatron: What?
Starscream: I love you...
Megatron: ...

Sick and wrong... I know!! I'm sorry!!!
I couldn't resist!!!

Ultra Magnus: You know what, Rodimus? You AREN'T the leader Optimus was, and you never will be. Give me back the Matrix, you whining little bitch.

***


Optimus: Humans are in danger? Meh, not my problem. Maybe they'll learn to keep their most dangerous inventions secret in future.

***

Smokescreen: Vote "no" on Indian gaming laws.

***

Skywarp: I'm pregnant, Thundercracker... and it's not yours!

***

Swindle: Everything must go! Prices slashed!

***

Prowl: Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I liked to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air

***

Optimus: Sideswipe! Give me your whoopie cushion!
Sideswipe: My whoopie cushion?
Optimus: NOW!

***

Soundwave: Laserbeak: Eject. Operation: Poop on Starscream.

***

Shockwave (after missing the table with his mug): I HAVE NO DEPTH PERCEPTION! Why will Mighty Megatron not give me another eye?

***

Kup: ...anyway, to cut a long story short, we blew stuff up. The end.

***

Megatron: Who put this whoopie cushion on my chair?!!?

***

Sunstreaker: Ah, who am I kidding? Tracks DOES have a better looking alt mode.

***

Starscream: Megatron has fallen! I'll get the ballot box so we can all vote on who should be the next leader.

***

IRONHIDE:what a gunfight well....F*** that
tv: and back to young and rustless
IRONHIDE:oh my soaps on.

STARSCREAM: Who The Hell Disrupts my Coronation!
GALVATRON: Coronation Starscream? This is Bad Comedy.
STARSCREAM: Megatron....is that you?
GALVATRON: Here's a F*cking Hint!!

I could so the two of them saying...

Cliff Jumper: Zoiks!

Warpath: One of these days, Alice. Bang! Zoom! To the moon!

Cosmos: I most certainly DO have my documents in order, sir!

Brawn: You know, that really hurts my feelings, guys...



Spike: You know, no matter how often I wear them, I just never seem to get tired of my yellow workman's boots and hat!

Spark Plug: Neither do I, son! In fact, I threw away all my other clothes, because GOD DAMN these fit GREAT!

Spike: I know! They're so versatile! You can wear them for work, and then turn around and attend a formal dinner!

Spark Plug: I wonder if L.L. Bean knows about this?



Soundwave: Lazerbeak, eject. Operation-assimilation. Buzzsaw, eject. Operation-desegregation.




Starscream: So Megatron, the Autobots foiled yet another one of our attempts to flood a hydroelectic dam and steal energon. I can keep a secret just as well as the next guy, but between you and me, I think that Prime is STARTING TO SEE A F*CKING PATTERN HERE!!

Megatron: I don't look at it as a defeat. Rather, I look at it as an opportunity to come up with yet another sh*tty idea!

Wheeljack: I can't come up with some inane invention that will conveniently get us out of this mess!

- - -

Shrapnel: Could use more electronselectrons.

- - -

Grimlock: I, Grimlock use proper pronoun for once.

Blurr: Stop talking so fast, I can not understand a word you are saying!

Optimus: Killing is wrong. And bad. There should be a new, stronger word for killing. Like badwrong, or badong. Yes, killing is badong. From this moment, I will stand for the opposite of killing: gnodab.

***

Arcee: I'll join the Decepticons if you live up to your name, Thrust.

***

Alpha Trion: You know what? I don't know. I'm dead. Why don't you try sorting out your own problems and giving me a little peace, huh?

***

Blurr: I'm Batman.

***

Starscream: A brilliant scheme, Megatron! I shall pay you for it... in RAPE DOLLARS!!!

***

Bumblebee: I could kill you in seventy-six different ways just with this pencil. YOu might want to remember that next time you're planning to say something like "It's like Sherlock Holmes with floppy discs!"

***

Motormaster: Remember to obey the posted speed limit. We don't want to crash into anything.

***

Hound: I wonder what Prime would say if he knew I go off-roading solely to find places to hide the bodies of humans I've mutilated?

***

Ravage: Colonel, did you know about Metal Gear?!!?

***

Megatron: It's Betty, you son of a pig. The name is Betty.

***

Bruticus: Bruticus hate everyone. Bruticus sulk in bedroom and post poetry on LiveJournal.

***

Optimus: Sound the alarm! Someone's stolen my Happy Cake Oven! Was it... YOU?
Cliffjumper: Aw, now I know you aren't looking at me!

***

Perceptor: So you see, Spike, merely by focusing the sun's rays through my lens, I can set fire to this orphanage.

***

Shockwave: Yarr, harr, fiddly dee! Being a pirate is alright with me!

***

Bludgeon: Even I, a master of Metallikato, could not defeat Chuck Norris.

Perceptor: After much research and experimentation, I have discovered a trans-dimensional portal which will direct us to another universe, in which it appears that we are just a cartoon series!

Perceptor: Brawn, could you accompany me for a moment? I have something I wish to show you.

Brawn: Is this another one of your "fancy" experiments? Because I *still* think you're a coward, and...

[Perceptor transforms into light cannon mode, blasts Brawn into next Tuesday, then transforms back into robot mode.]

Perceptor: Hmm. Apparently utilizing full spectrum amplification *does* result in complete structural disassociation. Fascinating. *scribble, scribble*

***

Fireflight: Hey, look! I can see my house from here!

Slingshot: You don't *have* a house, you idiot.

Fireflight: Oh, yeah...

***

Dead End: Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay, my oh my, what a wonderful day...

***

Wheeljack: Hmm. You know, I just don't think this design is safe enough for general use. I think I'd better shelve it until I can perform proper safety testing.

***

Carly: I didn't want to tell you this, Spike, but... I've been secretly dating Bumblebee behind your back. I'm so sorry...

***

Chip: Actually, I can walk just fine. I've just been keeping the wheelchair ever since I broke my leg once in middle school, so I can collect Social Security.

***

Hound and Swindle decides to have a little Jeep to Jeep talk:

Hound: Sometimes i feel ... abandoned ... you get alot of attention by the fans, but ... i feel kinda lonely, like Hasbro and everyone else just seems to ignoring the fact, that i am a simply Masterpiece ...

Swindle: I know a Masterpiece when i see it, last week i sold a naked picture of Arcee too Skids for 2000 energon goodies.

Hound: Huh?

Swindle: Arcee ... She got legs ...

Hound: *Im getting ignored once again*

Siren Prime wrote:Okay, that's a good one.

Megatron: You disappoint me yet again Starscream...
Starscream: My appologies sir... um... sir?
Magatron: What?
Starscream: I love you...
Megatron: ...

Sick and wrong... I know!! I'm sorry!!!
I couldn't resist!!!

oh my gods! That was criminally wrong! Funny as hell, but wrong!

Perceptor: Me Perceptor love fishing!

Optimus: Yo, Perceptor, whazzup? What's wrong with ya ?

---------------------------------------------------------

Megatron: Decepticons, attack!

Optimus: Autobots, retreat!

Megatron: We've won!

Starscream: Yes, Megatron, you so totally ROCK!

Rumble: Yes, I agree that our leader is a great one. He's so charismatic and intelligent.

I have never laughed so hard at a thread in my life! *falls outta chair laughing til it hurts*

Megatron, after blowing up a dam and killing hundreds in the valley below:

*yells* whoops! silly me! My bad!

HotRod: Magnus, land the ship! I need to use the toilet!

Perceptor: I believe I can search the intergalactic directorial guidebook, which should provide us with detailed instructions on where the toilet is located.

Magnus: Shut up, Perceptor! Damnit, I can't deal with that now!

Optimus' ghost: What did I tell you about saying "Damnit"!

Kup: HotRod, hold your shafts and stop lubricating!

something one will never hear:

Optimus Prime uttering a string of VERY blue obscenities...although it would be hilarious, but not gonna happen...the goodie-poo-pants!

Megatron: Pull my finger

EnergonCube wrote:Megatron: Pull my finger

*falls outta chair again laughing* This thread is good for the soul! And you HAVE to add an Alabama accent on that

Arcee: HotRod does this dress make my butt look big?
HotRod: Hold on. *sound of a flushing toliet*
--------
Blurr: Uh......*speechless*

Blaster: *Cranks out the usual tune he and Jazz always play from the cartoon.* "And that was our song, now here's Teletraan-1 with a Dedication to our fallen friend Prowl."
Teletraan-1: "Gah! I want a goddamn concerted effort to come out of a record that isn't a **** up-tempo record every time I gotta do a goddamn death dedication! It's the last goddamn time; I want somebody who uses his **** brain to not come out of a goddamn record... that's up-tempo and I've got to talk about a **** Police Car dying!...Boy, is this **** ponderous man...ponderous, **** ponderous."
Blaster: ".... OK... And now to Jazz with the Jazz-U Weather Report!"
Jazz: "ISS GON' RAIN!"
Blaster: "Thank you, Jazz."

Siren Prime wrote:Okay, that's a good one.

Megatron: You disappoint me yet again Starscream...
Starscream: My appologies sir... um... sir?
Magatron: What?
Starscream: I love you...
Megatron: ...

Sick and wrong... I know!! I'm sorry!!!
I couldn't resist!!!

I love THIS one.

Optimus Prime: I give up, Megatron. You win.

Megatron: Finally, I have defeated Optimus Prime once and for
all!

Starscream: I always knew you could do it Megatron! You're the best leader ever!

Spike: A mysterious tape deck in the middle of the desert... I'd better leave it here in case whoever lost it comes looking for it.

Grimlock: And this is me Grimlock, graduating with master degree in English Language.

Ultra Magnus: I'll deal with this right now.

Quintesson Judge: Innocent! Bailiff, release the prisoner!

Dead End: The sun is shining, the birds are singing, life couldn't be better.

Bonecrusher: I like you.

Optimus Prime: "Great scot!"

Smokescreen: "Holy smokes!"

Jazz: "Swell!"

Lockdown: "Holy Batmobile!"