Mkall Talks TFs: The Internet has Ruined Transformers

So Blurrz and I will be alternating weeks of columns which are more or less oppinion pieces to get people talking about the aspects of the Transformers Genre in general; be it the toys, movies, collectors, whatever. Got an idea that you'd like me to talk about? Email me at mkall@seibertron.com!
Enough of that; on with the show!
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Remember when you were a kid? Some of you may have to remember far longer than others.
Remember when you were wandering the toy aisles looking at whatever toys you liked and you discovered that new figure or playset that you never even knew was coming out and that it looked so darn cool you just had to have it? Which then led to lines similar to "Mommy mommy! Can I have it?" If you were like me, then it led to a 10% chance of you taking the toy home, opening it, losing most of the pieces in the first day, and then moving on to something different by the time 2 weeks have passed.
But that's not the point. The point is the feeling of seeing something new on the toy shelves. Something that you didn't even know was coming out and seeing it right there was a wonderful sense of discovery, like you've just discovered a new molecular element, or that the new neighbours have an attractive member of the opposite gender that thinks you're hot. When you're 6 that's the best feeling EVER.
Now it's 2010 and we already know what's coming out months before it hits the shelves. Now instead of the "Oh WOW! That looks neat!" we're "Oh, that's out now." followed by either "well I know that toy is going to stink so I won't buy it" or "Well, I know this toy is going to be cool, so I'll buy it"
What has the Internet done to Transformers? It's turned the act of buying them into something as routine as buying vegetables from your local grocer. Even in my 20's I still enjoy a good sense of discovery and wonder, but now I know every figure that's coming out both in North America and Japan. I can read written reviews and see galleries of the actual toy, not just the over-photoshopped box pictures, and if I still haven't gotten my fill, there are youtube reviews. If I wanted to, I can make an estimated opinion on every Transformer that will be released at least 2 months before it hits the shelves. The average reader of this site knows more about the Transformers that they'll be buying than the food they eat (protip: Organic food is almost pointless, but that's another column).
Of course that's only if we wanted to do the research. I'm going to let you reviewers in on a secret: most of you aren't as exciting as you think you are. Do a funny accent, wear a hat, have the transformer fight a cat! Just do something to make people think they're doing more than watching a lecture. I will give money to the first person to review an upcoming figure(s) in the style of a rock ballad. I had a professor walk into a class of 300 and said "My name is Dr. Viminitz. Don't call me Doctor. You can call me Paul. I also respond to 'Hey Asshole!'" That made this class on elementary logic the most entertaining course of the year. You can inform AND be entertaining at the same time. Work with it.
Now where was I? Oh yeah. In the olden days the first pictures we saw of figures were in the Sears Christmas Catalogue, or on the back of newer toys' boxes if you weren't so lucky as to be looking at toys during Christmas. Now we have stolen unpainted prototypes from China and people paying several times the retail price to be the first to own them
How else has the Internet ruined Transformers? I can no longer be satisfied with what I see on store shelves. Now I know what Japan is getting and so I must spend a lot of money to get what they're getting and put it in my display case. There's a lot of things that I didn't know existed, like Beast Wars Neo Ikard and his Tako Tank or Diver and his working waterfall base (best TF playsets from the 90's guaranteed). I would've been happy with the North American Beast Wars that I had, but 1,500 dollars later and I have all the Japanese ones too. Thanks Internet.
Now I know that there are conventions that have exclusive figures. Now I have to continually hit F5 every moment of every day waiting for the registration for said conventions to go live JUST so I can get the figures that I want, assuming I like them based on the reviews of stolen prototypes from boring people.
Don't even get me started on Third Party products. Without the Internet they would not exist. Hasbro wouldn't have people asking at Botcon "Why don't you make such awesome things as FansProject" (Protip: We're sick of those questions, anyone can answer them so let's not waste Hasbro's time or insult them shall we?). They are the leeches of the Transformers brand, albeit neon-coloured candy leeches that pump our bodies full of endorphins and make us feel good about spending hundreds of dollars from our children's education fund.
One can argue the positives of the Internet for Transformers. The sense of community, the misguided thinking that we somehow are the sole force that keeps the Transformers name going outweighing the millions of children that buy TFs every year. The similarly misguided thinking that 3rd party companies are the greatest thing that's happened (again, another column). The Internet has ruined Transformers for all of us, whether you admit it or not. Now let's all go to the discussion boards and talk about the Generations figures coming in Spring, 2011.
Got an idea for Mkall to rant and rave about? Why don't you email him at mkall@seibertron.com and he may just do so, for better or for worse.
Enough of that; on with the show!
---------------------------------------
Remember when you were a kid? Some of you may have to remember far longer than others.
Remember when you were wandering the toy aisles looking at whatever toys you liked and you discovered that new figure or playset that you never even knew was coming out and that it looked so darn cool you just had to have it? Which then led to lines similar to "Mommy mommy! Can I have it?" If you were like me, then it led to a 10% chance of you taking the toy home, opening it, losing most of the pieces in the first day, and then moving on to something different by the time 2 weeks have passed.
But that's not the point. The point is the feeling of seeing something new on the toy shelves. Something that you didn't even know was coming out and seeing it right there was a wonderful sense of discovery, like you've just discovered a new molecular element, or that the new neighbours have an attractive member of the opposite gender that thinks you're hot. When you're 6 that's the best feeling EVER.
Now it's 2010 and we already know what's coming out months before it hits the shelves. Now instead of the "Oh WOW! That looks neat!" we're "Oh, that's out now." followed by either "well I know that toy is going to stink so I won't buy it" or "Well, I know this toy is going to be cool, so I'll buy it"
What has the Internet done to Transformers? It's turned the act of buying them into something as routine as buying vegetables from your local grocer. Even in my 20's I still enjoy a good sense of discovery and wonder, but now I know every figure that's coming out both in North America and Japan. I can read written reviews and see galleries of the actual toy, not just the over-photoshopped box pictures, and if I still haven't gotten my fill, there are youtube reviews. If I wanted to, I can make an estimated opinion on every Transformer that will be released at least 2 months before it hits the shelves. The average reader of this site knows more about the Transformers that they'll be buying than the food they eat (protip: Organic food is almost pointless, but that's another column).
Of course that's only if we wanted to do the research. I'm going to let you reviewers in on a secret: most of you aren't as exciting as you think you are. Do a funny accent, wear a hat, have the transformer fight a cat! Just do something to make people think they're doing more than watching a lecture. I will give money to the first person to review an upcoming figure(s) in the style of a rock ballad. I had a professor walk into a class of 300 and said "My name is Dr. Viminitz. Don't call me Doctor. You can call me Paul. I also respond to 'Hey Asshole!'" That made this class on elementary logic the most entertaining course of the year. You can inform AND be entertaining at the same time. Work with it.
Now where was I? Oh yeah. In the olden days the first pictures we saw of figures were in the Sears Christmas Catalogue, or on the back of newer toys' boxes if you weren't so lucky as to be looking at toys during Christmas. Now we have stolen unpainted prototypes from China and people paying several times the retail price to be the first to own them
How else has the Internet ruined Transformers? I can no longer be satisfied with what I see on store shelves. Now I know what Japan is getting and so I must spend a lot of money to get what they're getting and put it in my display case. There's a lot of things that I didn't know existed, like Beast Wars Neo Ikard and his Tako Tank or Diver and his working waterfall base (best TF playsets from the 90's guaranteed). I would've been happy with the North American Beast Wars that I had, but 1,500 dollars later and I have all the Japanese ones too. Thanks Internet.
Now I know that there are conventions that have exclusive figures. Now I have to continually hit F5 every moment of every day waiting for the registration for said conventions to go live JUST so I can get the figures that I want, assuming I like them based on the reviews of stolen prototypes from boring people.
Don't even get me started on Third Party products. Without the Internet they would not exist. Hasbro wouldn't have people asking at Botcon "Why don't you make such awesome things as FansProject" (Protip: We're sick of those questions, anyone can answer them so let's not waste Hasbro's time or insult them shall we?). They are the leeches of the Transformers brand, albeit neon-coloured candy leeches that pump our bodies full of endorphins and make us feel good about spending hundreds of dollars from our children's education fund.
One can argue the positives of the Internet for Transformers. The sense of community, the misguided thinking that we somehow are the sole force that keeps the Transformers name going outweighing the millions of children that buy TFs every year. The similarly misguided thinking that 3rd party companies are the greatest thing that's happened (again, another column). The Internet has ruined Transformers for all of us, whether you admit it or not. Now let's all go to the discussion boards and talk about the Generations figures coming in Spring, 2011.
Got an idea for Mkall to rant and rave about? Why don't you email him at mkall@seibertron.com and he may just do so, for better or for worse.