Worst Classics Screw Ups
Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2011 7:54 pmPutting together my collection today, and I found myself going over certain figures that disappointed for one reason or another. Off of the top of my head, I came up with five of the worst screw ups in the classics series.
Classic Bumblebee. The first run. Early collectors will remember the small hood variant Bumblebee that came out in the very first wave with the rubsign which was too large for the small piece it was fixed onto, and kept falling off. They later made a new roof, which was recolored as Cliffjumper, but for the first wave fans, the damage had been done. First wave Bumblebee chest thing, I am the disappoint.
Next off, we have, in the same wave, the first incarnation of many would be seekers, Classic Starscream. This thing was great. Still is. Good posing, outside of the coloring, very cartoon accurate, and then you get to his face, the focal point of the toy, and theres no paint. Lack of paint can work on faces that have a color that easily cast shadows, but this thing is a translucent grey. It looks like a ball from a hot glue gun with two red eyes painted in. First wave Starscream glue gun face, I am the disappoint.
Rounding up in my third place position is Classic Ironhide. Came out in the Universe series, when Hasbro serious'd about classics. Apparently their serious'd level was at an apprentice level when they decided to do the first Transformers/Smurfs Crossover in the series. Look, Im all about the dabble. When Transformers picked up Star Wars and cross bred the damn things, I said cool, someone out there is going to dig on this on some level. Marvel? Same taste, different label. But Smurf blue for Ironhides face? You have got to be f**king kidding me. The fandom rose up in one voice and said, "No Plz," to which Mr Hasbro replied, "Sniff you jerks later," or maybe it was, "Theres a silver faced variant in the works." Can't remember, but they had the same end result. Eventually there was a variant released, and it was called Henkei Ironhide. Jerk faced Smurf Ironhide, I am the disappoint.
Comming around the bend is the prize fighting, runner up to last place, Universe Prowl. Prowl came out in the first wave of the Universe line. And we were glad as hell to have him. Finally, our little puny classics collections were going to get a little meat on their bones, with the hopes of two more repaints to fill out shelves and siphon our wallets. Anyone else remember this? Crackin that little baby open in the summer heat. This thing feels incredible, but whats this? Did I get into something before I opened this toy? Maybe someone spilled honey or some sort of syrup on the figure as a cruel joke from the heavens. "No sir", the angel replied, "thats just whats called a sh*t paintjob. Seriously, sniff it..." I didnt, but I DID realize that the paint on these doors were rubbing off faster than late night disgruntled fast food employees into the grease traps. On a side note, go home after the bars. That food? Not clean. So to you, Mr. Highway Patrol, turned Higwy Pitol gummy doors Prowl, I am the disappoint.
Finally we come to the end of my little rant. Number five. Old blue eyes himself, Generations Scourge. I was, and still am, so impressed with how far the technology has come in toy making. Kibble's polishing the brass on the Titanic, and it's all going down. We all thought that the wings were going to be far from good, but guess what, they angle down like coattails! Coat tails. On a Decepticon. If that doesnt scream villian, I dont know what does. So I run out to find this thing, this... coveted little treasure, and I see one at Target, I doublecheck, because I think I'm hallucinating, with the surplus of Skullgrins and Thunderwings and PCC's, but no, it's him. So I'm looking at the back, not that It's going to convince me to put it back, but I just wanna get a look of the picture on the card, and I see these red eyes staring back at me. This thing is it. *Insta-wood* I'm looking around to make sure no one can see me rocking a pup tent in the childrens toy isle. Not cool. Im safe, tuck and roll. So I make my way back home, tear it open. Instructions? RIght, I'll read those after I've broken half of it. First thing I do is pop the head back. What... what the hell happened to his eyes? His glorious red eyes?! HES GOT GOOD GUY EYES!! All of a sudden, he went from maniacal sadist with coat tails, to pianist with lovely red fingertips and blue f**king eyes. Concerto in C minor? Go to hell. I know it was you Archer. You broke my heart. So to you Scourge Sinatra, I am truly the disappoint.
Have I left anyone out?
Classic Bumblebee. The first run. Early collectors will remember the small hood variant Bumblebee that came out in the very first wave with the rubsign which was too large for the small piece it was fixed onto, and kept falling off. They later made a new roof, which was recolored as Cliffjumper, but for the first wave fans, the damage had been done. First wave Bumblebee chest thing, I am the disappoint.
Next off, we have, in the same wave, the first incarnation of many would be seekers, Classic Starscream. This thing was great. Still is. Good posing, outside of the coloring, very cartoon accurate, and then you get to his face, the focal point of the toy, and theres no paint. Lack of paint can work on faces that have a color that easily cast shadows, but this thing is a translucent grey. It looks like a ball from a hot glue gun with two red eyes painted in. First wave Starscream glue gun face, I am the disappoint.
Rounding up in my third place position is Classic Ironhide. Came out in the Universe series, when Hasbro serious'd about classics. Apparently their serious'd level was at an apprentice level when they decided to do the first Transformers/Smurfs Crossover in the series. Look, Im all about the dabble. When Transformers picked up Star Wars and cross bred the damn things, I said cool, someone out there is going to dig on this on some level. Marvel? Same taste, different label. But Smurf blue for Ironhides face? You have got to be f**king kidding me. The fandom rose up in one voice and said, "No Plz," to which Mr Hasbro replied, "Sniff you jerks later," or maybe it was, "Theres a silver faced variant in the works." Can't remember, but they had the same end result. Eventually there was a variant released, and it was called Henkei Ironhide. Jerk faced Smurf Ironhide, I am the disappoint.
Comming around the bend is the prize fighting, runner up to last place, Universe Prowl. Prowl came out in the first wave of the Universe line. And we were glad as hell to have him. Finally, our little puny classics collections were going to get a little meat on their bones, with the hopes of two more repaints to fill out shelves and siphon our wallets. Anyone else remember this? Crackin that little baby open in the summer heat. This thing feels incredible, but whats this? Did I get into something before I opened this toy? Maybe someone spilled honey or some sort of syrup on the figure as a cruel joke from the heavens. "No sir", the angel replied, "thats just whats called a sh*t paintjob. Seriously, sniff it..." I didnt, but I DID realize that the paint on these doors were rubbing off faster than late night disgruntled fast food employees into the grease traps. On a side note, go home after the bars. That food? Not clean. So to you, Mr. Highway Patrol, turned Higwy Pitol gummy doors Prowl, I am the disappoint.
Finally we come to the end of my little rant. Number five. Old blue eyes himself, Generations Scourge. I was, and still am, so impressed with how far the technology has come in toy making. Kibble's polishing the brass on the Titanic, and it's all going down. We all thought that the wings were going to be far from good, but guess what, they angle down like coattails! Coat tails. On a Decepticon. If that doesnt scream villian, I dont know what does. So I run out to find this thing, this... coveted little treasure, and I see one at Target, I doublecheck, because I think I'm hallucinating, with the surplus of Skullgrins and Thunderwings and PCC's, but no, it's him. So I'm looking at the back, not that It's going to convince me to put it back, but I just wanna get a look of the picture on the card, and I see these red eyes staring back at me. This thing is it. *Insta-wood* I'm looking around to make sure no one can see me rocking a pup tent in the childrens toy isle. Not cool. Im safe, tuck and roll. So I make my way back home, tear it open. Instructions? RIght, I'll read those after I've broken half of it. First thing I do is pop the head back. What... what the hell happened to his eyes? His glorious red eyes?! HES GOT GOOD GUY EYES!! All of a sudden, he went from maniacal sadist with coat tails, to pianist with lovely red fingertips and blue f**king eyes. Concerto in C minor? Go to hell. I know it was you Archer. You broke my heart. So to you Scourge Sinatra, I am truly the disappoint.
Have I left anyone out?
