Up the Swamp Without a Paddle: Machinima Transformers Power of the Primes Episode 3 Review!
Thursday, May 17th, 2018 1:58am CDT
Categories: Cartoon News, ReviewsPosted by: Bronzewolf Views: 21,459
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(Note: The following review contains spoilers for the Machinima Power of the Primes cartoon.)
So, we start out again in the swamp, a place that the cast somehow hasn't been able to move on from for the entire show so far, with Victorion still being tossed around by Predaking, a new character in the show who just arrived last episode. Windblade tries to help by...shooting Victorion several times.

*rubs temples*
Perceptor tries to find a way to help that consists of actual helping, as Volcanicus, the combiner made up of the dinobots, starts to gain consciousness again after being shot to the ground by Predaking in the last episode. He promptly starts chasing after the Predacons for revenge.
We catch up with Megatron, who approaches the shiny thing he was distracted by in the last episode, and it turns out to be a giant energon waterfall that looks like a Matrix, with the insignia of the various original Primes stamped on it.
Perceptor tries to distract Predaking from attacking the others, and soon all three of the main cast are being chased by two giant combiners.

*Record Scratch* *Freeze Frame* "Yep, that's me. I bet you're wondering how I got here..."\
Something to touch base on here briefly is the random inclusion of assorted slow motion shots peppered in here or there through the episode. They are painfully out of place, and haven't been a part of the show so far, (or either of the other shows, if memory serves) so they're a bit of a jarring change. They remind me of the infamous split screen edits that randomly popped up in the second half of the previous series.
We also catch up with the main baddie of this series, Megatronus, who has released the Enigma of Combination to place it in a shrine of sorts, at the head of the well of sparks, deep in the heart of Cybertron.

Oh God*** it it's just the ******* Infinity Gauntlet, isn't it?!?
As he sets the the Enigma within the altar, we're treated to another flashback from the days of the original Primes. Solus begs Megatronus to return the Requiem Blaster so she can destroy it, promising she'll craft him more weapons in exchange. She mentions she doesn't want to fuel his, *ahem*, appetite for destruction, if you will.
Megatronus promises he'll take care of the blaster, but Solus grabs it from his back. They fight over it, accidentally triggering it to fire. A beam is launched off the surface of Cybertron, killing Solus in the process. Megatronus mourns her as the spark drains from her optics.

something something topical gun control joke
He watches a spark fall into the well, and comments that his henchmen are doing their job, further confirming no one else lives on this **** planet. He opens a briefcase to reveal the Matrix of Leadership to add it to the shrine.

Fun is not something one considers when watching a terrible cartoon, but this...doesn't put a smile on my face.
Back in the swamp, our heroes are still being chased by the two combiners, when they reach the obvious conclusion of trying to make them fight each other. The pacing of the scene is literally slowed down because of another slo-mo shot. To make matters worse, Windblade talks, in the middle of the shot, at normal speed. I just... I just don't know anymore.
After running a long distance from where they first landed and met the Dinobots, they all get launched off a cliff by one of Predaking's blasts, but neither of the Combiners see it coming, so they fall as well, farther into the canyon. The heroes have a moment to regroup and find...Megatron and his giant Matrix waterfall?!? ******* what?!?

The Miraculous Teleporting Megatron; Wherever The Plot Needs Him To Be.
But the newly reacquainted group doesn't have long to chat, as Predaking and Volcanicus show up again, having magically climbed a giant cliff face in justa handful of seconds with no other signs or clues that they were approaching.
Megatron enters the Matrix building and tells the others to wait there. The episode ends.
Oh my God.
I said last week that the show felt like it was just sitting here spinning it's wheels, and this episode illustrates that perfectly. The main cast have been in the swamp for all three episodes now, and for the majority of that time simply being chased around in circles. They're accomplishing nothing, and it's getting extremely frustrating. This episode could basically have been the first, practically beat for beat. "Find enemy. Fight enemy. Figure out how to beat enemy. Run away. Repeat." The glaring plot holes and continuity errors are ridiculous, and the end of this episode is the first time I've actually shouted at my screen because of these shows. If I have to search for a positive, I like the idea of the various relics combining their power to create...something. It's fairly cool, if a little overdone by other shows. Entertainingly bad, but little more. See you next week.
Thanks for reading my review of Episode 3, you can find it on go90 and the Transformers Tumblr if you wanna watch it for yourself. Come back and tell me what you thought of the episode, and what you thought of my review! I'll see you next week when we take a look at episode 4!
Credit(s): Go90
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Posted by Burn on May 17th, 2018 @ 3:20am CDT
He stopped posting after 10 days and hasn't posted since.
I'm worried this may happen to Bronzewolf, forcing himself to sit through this (most likely more than once to make sure he gets everything!) each week to bring us reviews.
Stay strong man, stay strong.
Posted by ZeroWolf on May 17th, 2018 @ 4:52am CDT
Burn wrote:There's a website out there dedicated to comic books and their associated TVs and Movies. They had a guy who was going to watch Batman vs Superman every day for a month and each day would post his thoughts (like he might notice something new).
He stopped posting after 10 days and hasn't posted since.
I'm worried this may happen to Bronzewolf, forcing himself to sit through this (most likely more than once to make sure he gets everything!) each week to bring us reviews.
Stay strong man, stay strong.
I always assumed you or other staff had forced this on bronze wolf as divine punishment

Good review bronze, I think apart from wanting to see this all through to the bitter end, I think I watch it just for your review and screenshot jabs afterwards.
Posted by Burn on May 17th, 2018 @ 4:58am CDT
ZeroWolf wrote:I always assumed you or other staff had forced this on bronze wolf as divine punishment
Being News Crew is punishment enough.

Posted by Randomhero on May 17th, 2018 @ 5:43am CDT
Posted by Qwan on May 17th, 2018 @ 7:06am CDT
Hey now, it's not that bad. We have... bluer... names. Yeah.Burn wrote:ZeroWolf wrote:I always assumed you or other staff had forced this on bronze wolf as divine punishment
Being News Crew is punishment enough.
Well to be fair, the writers working on this series actually got paid to do so. (Probably.)Randomhero wrote:Up swamp without a paddle...wow and we’re gonna criticize the writing of this series?
Posted by MrBlack on May 17th, 2018 @ 7:49am CDT
Burn wrote:There's a website out there dedicated to comic books and their associated TVs and Movies. They had a guy who was going to watch Batman vs Superman every day for a month and each day would post his thoughts (like he might notice something new).
He stopped posting after 10 days and hasn't posted since.
I'm worried this may happen to Bronzewolf, forcing himself to sit through this (most likely more than once to make sure he gets everything!) each week to bring us reviews.
Stay strong man, stay strong.
I'm actually an admin at the site in question. The dude vanished off the face of the Earth.
Don't let the same fate befall you Bronzewolf!
Posted by ZeroWolf on May 17th, 2018 @ 8:01am CDT
Posted by Rodimus Knight on May 17th, 2018 @ 9:45am CDT
I suppose it looks like Megatronious wants to bring his dead lover back from the dead, at least that's what it looks like. Seriously, there was a good chance if that is the plot, that he might have just been able to ask for help.
Posted by Sabrblade on May 17th, 2018 @ 9:47am CDT
Oh, but, see, then he wouldn't be EEEEEVIIIIIL!Rodimus Knight wrote:I suppose it looks like Megatronious wants to bring his dead lover back from the dead, at least that's what it looks like. Seriously, there was a good chance if that is the plot, that he might have just been able to ask for help.

Posted by DarkEnergon on May 17th, 2018 @ 10:24am CDT
But nothing makes any f'ing sense!
Why doesn't Volcanicus attack Predaking?
Why doesn't Victorion ever separate and GTFO?
Why does the fight between them all drag on for three episodes?
Why does Windblade *land and transform* only to *run away on her feet?**
Posted by ZeroWolf on May 17th, 2018 @ 10:27am CDT
Posted by Sabrblade on May 17th, 2018 @ 11:03am CDT
We've seen Long Haul, Scavenger, Scrapper, and Stormclash in the previous two shows.ZeroWolf wrote:Aside from the dinobots, when has any combiner actually uncombined?
Posted by Bronzewolf on May 17th, 2018 @ 11:07am CDT
I wish I could get to the point where I could offer the series higher criticism, Pacing, Camera work, tone, actual scene to scene editing, etc. But it's so plagued by these terrible plot holes and Dues ex Machina moments that I can't even get there.
And hey, I thought Up the Swamp Without a Paddle was a good title, seeing as they haven't moved from one sidequest in three episodes and it's just getting worse and worse. It's fitting. I almost named it WHAT THE **** IS GOING OOOOOONNN but I thought a) that was too long and b) wouldn't exactly fly with my superiors.

Posted by o.supreme on May 17th, 2018 @ 11:30am CDT
start at 45 seconds to see Predaking. Actually if you guys don't mind, since I'm 2 for 2 this may be a weekly thing for me now. Finding a moment in each episode of PotP that reminds me of Looney Tunes.
Posted by Bronzewolf on May 17th, 2018 @ 11:43am CDT
Posted by Burn on May 17th, 2018 @ 4:21pm CDT
MrBlack wrote:I'm actually an admin at the site in question.
HA! Serious? That's awesome!
I keep trying to get Va'al to take an approach to news like you guys do just to make it a bit more fun.
Posted by ZeroWolf on May 17th, 2018 @ 4:25pm CDT
Posted by Burn on May 17th, 2018 @ 4:31pm CDT
ZeroWolf wrote:How do they do the news like?
Sarcasm.
The sort of style you need when writing about Transformers vs Visionaries or this train-wreck of a trilogy.
Posted by ZeroWolf on May 17th, 2018 @ 4:38pm CDT