The Energon Pub

Psychout wrote:lol

Guess some just don't want to win eh?

That day on the battlefield, a part of Cybertron was destroyed, but we could keep a part of it alive. It was on that day that Autobots and Decepticons put aside their differences and came together, as we had done in the past, and we remembered the barkeep.

Some how some of the bar’s energon supply had survived, so we all sat there. Drinking, remembering the good times.

It was the first time since the war began that both sides had set aside their differences. We drank, we even played a few games. It’s almost as if the war had never happened.

But the good times were a thing of the past. We were at war, and this truce couldn’t last forever.

Eventually word came down from both Autobot and Decepticon Command to withdraw. We were ordered back to the war.

The orders came through. Return to Command for redeployment.

Right there on the battlefield, the remains of the bar, we laid the barkeep to rest. And we shook hands. It would have been easy to resume fighting at that point but instead both sides departed peacefully.

We remembered, we honoured the barkeep, and we honoured his bar. The fighting had ceased and both sides returned to their command posts.

On my next deployment I saw some of the ‘Cons from the bar, but our differences could no longer be set aside. We fought, and any chance of friendship died along with the barkeep.

Over time some of us who were at the bar on that day encountered each other. Only a few of us from that day still function.

And that kid, is the story of Ypres Salient, and how one bar’s destruction brought a temporary truce to Cybertron.

But we will remember him.

This is
WARPORNNEWSNETWORK

making a profit out of a crisis.

NEWSFLASH!!


And we can't get a chair that's any bloody higher?! A cushion even? Bah, Someone is going to get fired for this!!

Good evening Minions. I am Psychout, member of the Cybertronian Senate and WarPorn Industries Head Entrepreneur. I appear before you personally today to bring you what can only be described as terrible news.

For most caught up in the ongoing civil war, there has only ever been a single point of safety. A beacon of peace amongst all the violence and a place where, above all else, neutrality was upheld and those who would normally be on opposite sides of the war could sit together, reflect on their lives and take a break before they are forced back into the endless, profitable, conflict.

At approximately 11:45 cycles last night, a megaton fusion device was detonated as part of a skirmish on the outskirts of a well known district which, due to an extremely hostile vendetta between two opposing commanders caused a catastrophic chain of events that led to the destruction of the bar, killing its famous bartender instantly.

It is currently unknown exactly which commander is to blame for this unspeakable act as both were also killed in the blast, but as eye witnesses stood in silent horror at what had been done, we at WPNN now stand with the whole planet in mourning for what was the last outpost of peace on Cybertron.

This incident, coming on a special holiday dedicated to peace that the fleshlings call ‘Christmas’ has given both sides a reason for thought, and the field command on both sides of the war have suspended all military activity for a megacycle to reflect on exactly what this means for the Cybertronian race – not just on the loss of any friends and allies who were enjoying its hospitality at the time, but also knowing that there is now no escape from this war, not even for half an hour to sink a nice cold one.

We would like you all to join us in a toast to the unnamed Bar and Barkeep, the last harbingers of peace, and hope that wherever his spark has gone, the Bartender of Tranquillity will be at rest.

And as both sides lay down their arms and the planet falls silent for the first time in most mech’s living memory, even if it is for just one night, we ask you to remember that Bar and it’s brave keeper, who fought for his right to neutrality until death.

Stubborn old bastard. Guess I don't have to pay off my bartab now, silver lining and all that...

A merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight.

This is
WARPORNNEWSNETWORK

making a profit out of a crisis.

Tonight with your favourite co-hosts, Nemesis Wheelie and Zombi Cheerleader...

- Good evening Minions, and the breaking news of the day is the resumption of the hostilities planetwide leading to what many expect to be a further increase in violence, general mayhem and other kinds of fun.

- Thats right Zombi: footage from the ruined city, Decahex districts looking sh-

- ...footage appears to show that, due to what we like to refer to as a 'spilled pint scenario', the previously peaceful region has continued its descent into violence and bloodshed. Our man at the scene, Evil the Car brings us this report...

...that idiot cassette that if I wanted a trailer that small, I'd be a prime clone- *ahem* Eye witness reports at the scene vary, but initial accounts state that running skirmishes have broken out all along the Proton highway between the more idealistic and junior members of the Autobot and Decepticon forces. Damage is still contained so far, but should be spreading into the more densely populated areas as soon as possible. Local law enforcement are warning trapped civilians that they should probably get their affairs in order and make funeral plans sooner rather than later as its kicking off good and proper here and now the faction army generals are involved, this entire region is pretty much fu-

- ...Evil the Car ladies and gentlemen.

- Meanwhile in business news, the increase in factionwide hostilities has seen a growth in the commodities exchange mainly in the regions of weapons development, funeral arrangements and fortified energon dependency. WarPorn Industries stocks blasted through the roof as a result, so we contacted its its founder, exalted leader and CEO, Senator Psychout, for comment and his office sent us this statement in reply: "Tell those idiots to leave me the *bleep* alone, this energon won't swim in itself you know!"

- Classy as always. Well, that's all for tonight, the weather report, as always, has been cancelled due to all the satellites being shot out of the sky by the Autobots, but as temperature is irrelevant to a robotic race, who cares, right? This is WarPorn News Network - making a profit out of a crisis - signing off for tonight-

Burn wrote:Seven minutes ... **** awesome Potentate!

Psychout wrote:Please only post after the 6 kills, any other posts will be moved to the banter thread.

_Anshin_ wrote:Are we able to use old links over to make our kills? Just asking because potentates kills on me before these are newer than what was just posted.

This is
WARPORNNEWSNETWORK

making a profit out of a crisis.

Tonight with your emergency co-hosts, Parasite and Hard Wired!

- Good evening my dears, I... am Parasite.

- AND I’M HARD WIRED, AND WE BRING YOU SPECIAL MESSAGE TODAY WHILST TRY AND WORK OUT WHERE IN PIT WHEELIE AND ZOMBI HAVE DISAPPEARED TO. PERSONALLY? I SAY GOOD RIDDANCE TO PAIR OF THEM!

- No one cares about your opinion, bulbus. Today, we shall be bringing you what you have all been waiting for - an actual update on the War. As you well all be aware, the battle for Decahex mine 4 has been a gruesome war, more so since it emerged that both factions are using experimental Neural technology to gain the advantage over the other, and as we predicted, it really has made the diff-

- WHO CARES? ARE WE WINNING OR NOT?!?

- Patience you infantile automaton. WarPorn News Network are proud to reveal-

- AND BY 'REVEAL' YOU MEAN 'BURN BEAT US TO IT BY 12 HOURS'??

- SILENCE ASSTEROID! ...Ahem. The Warmission victory scores as of #124320 are... 80 - 59 . But that's not all, as if further proof that the neural scanners have become viable technology was needed, the total scores including information stolen from captured commanders shows a very different picture:

94 - 97

- Just goes to show that Intelligence really can make the difference here in Heavy Metal W-

- QUIET HARRIDEN! WE HAVE JUST RECEIVED MESSAGE FROM AUTOBOT FORCES BREACHING TRANSMISSION HUB 4 OVER IN DELGHI HEIGHTS… HEY, ISNT THAT WHERE WHEELIE AND ZOMBI SUPPOSED TO BE?

- Shut it, oaf. The statement reads:

We the undersigned Autobots have the Decepticons known as Zombi Cheerleader and Nemesis Wheelie prisoner. Neither of the prisoners will be harmed if our demands are met in a timely manner. These are what we require:

1) All future broadcasts from WPNN are to represent both sides of the war.
2) You will deliver Roller back to Prime, unharmed, and stop forcing it to eat Sustains energon curry (You know Optimus can't handle hot food since the Kremzeek ‘incident’)
3) You take down *that* giant poster of Chromia from the outer wall of Tower Shaft 7, she has enough issues as it is and we don’t need you making it look that big.
4) You tell us, immediately, how to shut Nemesis Wheelie up.

Complete all of these and your co-anchors will be returned unharmed. Except maybe Wheelie, but we figured you probably wouldn’t mind.

Signed:
Alldarker - Autobot Savior
Absolute Zero - The real Autobot Saviour
Anshin – Shut it! I'm sick of the both of you!!

- Well, that settles it then, time to get Roller good and drunk as we’ve finally got rid of Wheelie! *YEAH!*

- YES!! SO FROM ME AND SPIDERBITCH, GOODNIGHT MINIONS!!