The Energon Pub

So, about halfway through Blurrz' list of the 25 Greatest Transformers, I had a thought. Maybe there was a list I wanted to make too. But "The 25 Most One-sided Battles" didn't seem like a great idea (although it would have culminated in Erector going up against the Brest Force) and Nexus Maximus had already won the "The Top 27 Transformers With Names You Might Find In Playboy".So instead, here it is:

26 of the Greatest Alt Modes of All Time.

To celebrate the 26th Anniversary of the franchise, here are, in my opinion, 26 of the best Alt Modes.

#26: Trains (doy.)
#25: T-Rex
#24: Corvette Stingray
#23: Guns and Weaponry
#22: Big Cats
#21: Motorbikes
#20: Dragons
#19: Birds
#18: Tanks
#17: Maritime Vehicles
#16: Monkeys and Apes
#15: Formula-1 Racers
#14: Nissans
#13: Humans
#12: Tentacles
#11: Apache Helicopters
#10: Musical Media
#9: Lorries
#8: Porsches
#7: Seekers F-15s
#6: Insects
#5: Future Cars
#4: LeMans
#3: Penguins
#2: Future Jets
#1: Lamborghinis


Honourable Mentions: Part 1
Honourable Mentions: Part 2
Honourable Mentions: Rhinocerouseses (written by Duke of Luns)
Honourable Mentions: Turtles (written by Duke of Luns)

#26 Trains

Despite all their limitations, toy trains will always hold a place in the hearts of little boys everywhere. Sure, they may not be able to leave their tracks, or do anything but go round and round in circles, but we all had glowing smiles on our faces as our electric trains rounded the corner, ready to run over our sister's Barbie.

So really, it was no surprise that trains would keep coming back again and again in the Transformers franchise, and the first is Astrotrain.



One of the second year of figures, ol' Astro made frequent appearances in the cartoon thanks to the usefulness of his two Alt Modes; in the first he could take his fellow Decepticons into space, in the second he could take them to Hogwarts.


"I hope I get put in Slyth...WHAT?!? HUFFLEPUFF!?!"

But the big reason why trains make for an awesome Alt Mode is that trains are, by their very definition, combining, and many of their figures live up to that. Here are some of the best figures:

Raiden:


"We could fly! For some reason."

These guys were awesome in Headmasters, transportin' folks around and taking random holidays in Japan.

Rail Racer:

"I sure hope the Decepticons are near the station!"

Rail Racer has to be the best combiner in Transformers. Sure, Menasor is cooler and Predaking is bigger, but they're just not as sleek, posable and stylish as this guy.

Sixtrain (Well, Rail Racer):

WARNING: BECOMING A TRAINSPOTTER MAY CAUSE VIRGINITY TO GROW BACK.

I've never understood the point of lots of little guys merged into one normal-sized guy. It's like in cartoons where kids steal their fathers' antique Bogie trenchcoats and stand on one another's shoulders to get into adult movies and fight Evil Decepticons.

Powertrain:

"I really shouldn't be here."

So ultimately, trains may not be the most mobile or maneuverable of vehicles, but they combine real damn nice. And as the new 3rd party Hearts Of Steel Prime proves, they're not running out of steam any time soon!

Heh, running out of steam...

Heh...

...heh...

Oh, never mind.

I just got a Rage Mode Sixtrain, and he's pretty sweet. I'm looking for a Sixliner, but he seems to be running the most expensive by far of the Micromaster Combiner Reissues.

Haha, great idea Diem.

I think Trainformers are pretty dynamic and as shown by the quality of the trains that we have - are pretty outstanding figures.

Nice. Rail Racer's gotta be one of the best combiners in TF history.

RK_Striker_JK_5 wrote:Nice. Rail Racer's gotta be one of the best combiners in TF history.

He's got my vote for one.

Raiden is an awesome combiner, and I wish I had a proper version of him.

Nice one adding poor old Powertrain in there.

I used to like trains. I dunno what happened that turned me against them, but now I honestly can't stand them. Astrotrain only gets by because he's a triple changer, but otherwise I have an inexplicable bias against train TFs and thus do not agree on this choice.

Moving on though, can we get a #25?

Kind of general, isn't it? I mean saying something like "cars" would be similarily odd when there's so many.

Diem, I will be sorely disappointed if Heinlad doesn't make your top 3.

Love the trainformers.

Nickolai wrote:Diem, I will be sorely disappointed if Heinlad doesn't make your top 3.

Love the trainformers.

Too true. LONG before the "manly" Devastator of the movies, Heinlad was the only Transformer with... whem... the 'balls' to show it all off!

Gauntlet101010 wrote:Kind of general, isn't it? I mean saying something like "cars" would be similarily odd when there's so many.

Yeah, I kind of wanted to respond along these lines, but there's only one 'official' locomotive, one regular passenger train and a bunch of shinkansens. I don't really think subdividing trains further was the way to go.

This is another interesting idea Diem, but how long will we have to wait before getting to number 1?

Gauntlet101010 wrote:Kind of general, isn't it? I mean saying something like "cars" would be similarily odd when there's so many.

Yeah, trains is a pretty broad category. But I'm only doing 26 categories, and there's only a handful of train transformers. By necessity, some of the categories will be broader than others.


@Mykltron and Shadowstream: I hope to post about 4 a week, and more if I can fit 'em in. I'm literally phoning it in at the moment but #25 will come real soon.

@Nickolai: The role of "so stupid it's awsome" beast mode has already been selected. I won't spoil it though.

Wow, is it a spacefaring luchador grasshopper? Or a pirate cobra? I can't wait!

So, on with the list:

#25 T-Rex

It's a well known fact that any boy who has reached the age of five without developing an infatuation with dinosaurs is destined to become an interior designer. Every small boy loves the giant reptiles, and the T-Rex is literally king. The T-Rex symbolises both everything a preschooler is (a mouth on legs, a force of destruction) and everything they wish they were (taller than their parents, able to do poops the size of coffee tables).

Early in Transformer history, various figures from various lines were "borrowed" and recharacterised to join the burgeoning war. Some Hasbro executive apparently decided that some robot dinosaurs would fit right in amongst the jets, cars and cassette tapes, possibly due to being blinded by the giant cartoon dollar signs in his eyes. Either way, the Dinobots were a great success and ever since then a multitude of screen and comic writers have had to turn cartwheels trying to insert the Greatest Bots in History into their space operas.

The first T-Rex (or to give them their full name, Tyrawesomesauceus Rex) in the TF line was Grimlock. Unfortunately, he was made before Jurassic Park updated all our dinosaur sensibilities:


"What do you call a dinosaur whose hindquarters drag on the ground?" "Bethehasasaurus."

The original Grimlock was, as much as I dislike the character, a great toy. He was fairly posable, looked imposing, was a good size, and turned into a non-freakish robot mode which was a rarity at the time.

Since then, there's been a few more Grimlocks:

"Me Grimlock finally have face! Me try constipated expression"

Ross from Friends is crying right now.

"Me Grimlock home from Zoids audition."

The various Grimlocks are pretty cool, though the original is the best...until:


20th Century Toy (I wanna be your boy)

Classics Grimlock was a brave attempt to have the kind of Dino-mode that could indeed chase Jeff Goldblum into a toilet. I've never heard an enthusiastic word said about this guy though, so...what does Seibertron think?

And then there was a great disturbance in the force, as though Simon Furman's head exploded:

"Yep, looks like square one."

Despite my Grim-bashing, you've gotta love this figure. It's delightfully chunky and does everything you could expect from a giant G1 Grimlock figure.

But this article isn't just about Grimlock. He's done as much harm to the reputation of the King of Dinos as good. Throughout three seasons of G1 he had as many sickening lows as dizzying highs.


Pictured: Sickening lows; Dizzying highs.

Instead, the real star of the T-Rex show is next on the list. He's evil, he's purple and he wants to destroy all that is good...


No, but you're close.


Yeeeeeeesssssss.

Beast Wars Megatron was, as far as I'm concerned, the ideal incarnation of a big scary death reptile. He was as cold and cunning as Jafar, and as powerful and terrifying as a Narliphant, IF NOT MORESO. It's hard not to like this scheming dose of awesome, and it's hard not to like the toy with its hip-harpoons, it's water-squirty goodness and its big weird stabby tail-claw thing.


"I wish I'd never met XZibit!"

And then he got rollerskates.

...

...there's been some other T-rexes too, like T-Wrecks, Trypticon sometimes, and a couple of cassettes. But hey, we know who the real stars of the show are, right?


"Hey Utahraptor, I...I VALUE OUR FRIENDSHIP, OKAY?"

Diem wrote:Instead, the real star of the T-Rex show is next on the list. He's evil, he's purple and he wants to destroy all that is good...

No, but you're close.

Yeeeeeeesssssss.

I love it lol.

Nickolai wrote:Wow, is it a spacefaring luchador grasshopper? Or a pirate cobra? I can't wait!

As funny as that is, I don't think anything can beat the awesome goofiness of the orgysaurus (if you know who this is, giggle in silence).

Nujevad wrote:

Nickolai wrote:Wow, is it a spacefaring luchador grasshopper? Or a pirate cobra? I can't wait!

As funny as that is, I don't think anything can beat the awesome goofiness of the orgysaurus (if you know who this is, giggle in silence).

*kicks self* Goddamn it, I had the perfect opportunity to make a joke about Magmatron's pants.

Chromebite FTW! He's a mini BW Megs. How can you not love that.

Razorclaw0000 wrote:Chromebite FTW! He's a mini BW Megs. How can you not love that.

I'm just bitter 'cos I bought an allegedly "complete" Eternal Prisoner set and discovered that both Transparenty McPolicecar and Shiny O'Dinosaur were absent.

#24 Corvette Stingray


Sorry, no.

I'll be honest up front, a decent proportion of this list is going to be pure car-pr0n. Give me a Binaltech catalogue and the latest Gran Turismo game and I'll see you three weeks later.

The Corvette Stingray is, as far as I'm concerned, one of the few American cars that manages to match the casual elegance of the best outpourings of Europe, especially Italy. Whether it's the low roof, the sleek-yet-broad bonnet or the ballsy decals, I just can't resist.

Sadly, when it comes to Stingrays, most people on Seibertron won't recognise the Gerry Anderson reference, so I may have to go for the Steve Irwin joke instead.


Or the gay joke.

Tracks is one of the sexiest cars in the 1984-1985 line-up, which considering he's up against the classic Fairlady, the Lambourghini Countach (pronounced "Count Von Count") and the comedy Ferrari that is Cliffjumper is pretty impressive. If Spike had had any sense, he'd have ditched Bumblebee straight away:

"Hey Sideswipe, Tracks! I heard there's some Decepticons at the new club! You take me there, I'll scout inside, and you guys wait for my signal! My signal may look like me throwing up with a girl on each arm!"

Also, Tracks was one of the early figures in the category I think of as Double-and-a-halfchangers, along with "I'm not a microscope, not yet a ta-ank" Perceptor and "I'm not a Gerwalk, for legal rea-sons" Jetfire. In Tracks' case, this led to him being a winged Stingray.


"A flying car? How droll. Also: awesome."

Yeah.

Then came Binaltech Tracks, and it almost went horribly wrong. First in Japan he was yellow. Then in the West, he didn't have the fire sticker. Then he came out juuuuuuusssst right.


"Phew!"

Admittedly he lost his flying mode and wasn't technically a Stingray, but more than made up for it with his (by Binaltech standards) heavy armament, intuitive transformation and general not-looking-stupid-in-robot-modeness.

Subsequently he got eHobby-ed into his super-secret Milton Bradley Red version, Road Rage:

"I penetrated the Crocodile Hunter while full of seamen!" Whoo, the trifecta.

After that the Stingray went unlicenced and unloved in the TF line until a number of years later, when some fanboy's letter that his dad tore up and threw in the fire flew to Hasbro Mary Poppins-style.


"With this awesome a car mode, I'll surely have many lines and scenes!"


"Damn, I'm not so good."

The deluxe Stingray Concept mold from the ROTF line is proof that if you truly believe and your heart is pure, good things can happen. Even the Swerve repaint with its grumpy face and mismatching reds is pure gold.

In short, transforming into a Stingray is like making love to a beautiful woman: you need to be confident, you need to have good fuel economy, and you need to have an urgent desire to hunt down indestructible crabs.

This is very entertaining!Keep up the good work Diem!

Sideswipe made up for his lack of screentime with kick-ass robot mode.

And yes, G1 Tracks was pretty damned good. We need Classics Tracks, now!

I'm loving the choices and commentary, Diem! Keep it up!

Personally I don't see any major problems with the Classics variant Grimlock, but I can see why most fans of his character may not find it to their liking, given how it strays from his well established definitive look and transformation. And then there's the T-rex head for feet that make his balance weird. And his scale. And lack of sword.

I only found the Corvette stingray as awesome as it was because of the extra long front section, but conversely it may be kindof odd to get used to driving a vehicle who's steering is that far up front from the cab. Not that I would know, I don't even have my learner's permit yet.

also Steve Erwin jokes are too easy