Happy Monday everyone! I saw AoE in IMAX 3D with my wife on Saturday night, here are my thoughts **WARNING: EXTREMELY LONG, NERD RAGE-Y/WALL OF TEXT POST AHEAD!!**
First: the Positives-Marky Mark…I guess. Likeable star, adequate action hero. Does his best with what he’s given
-Bay actually listened to many of the past complaints. We got: no military, less objectification of women, only one scene with a shouting black woman, so…thank you?
-if you though DOTM took a lot of cues from G1, check out what AoE lifted from Animated, which I certainly did appreciate:
- Lockdown was certifiably baddass, although he doesn't quite measure up to Lance Henriksen’s portrayal (now that dude was cold-blooded).
- …who takes out Ratchet. Poor, poor Ratchet…
- also: Megaton’s head secretly running the show from behind the scenes of a lab, playing the scientist(s) who think they’re getting new technology out of the situation but are really just helping to rebuild him
-didn’t mind the new band of Autobots, I even let the whole “to sell toys” thing slide on this one
Negatives Sorry, but my brain could not stop nit-picking. Constantly. Like, every 15 seconds I always had a problem with something onscreen.
-am I watching Prometheus? And this is how many times now that something ties Cybertron and Earth’s past (Movie 1: Megatron crash lands on Earth. ROTF: Pyramids something something. DOTM: Sentinel Prime crashes on our moon)? Alright, I get this could be a “bigger picture” thing, involving the Quintissons or something. But as you can see I’m not the biggest fan of the constant retcons.
-as the CIA’s searching for Optimus Prime inside the barn using flashlights, one of the agent’s still wearing his sunglasses. Let me repeat: USING FLASHLIGHTS. STILL WEARING HIS SUNGLASSES.
-this is not the Optimus Prime we remember, know, and love. I get that the Autobots were betrayed by the humans, but the non-stop
kill talk? Come on!
-did they cast an Irish boyfriend just so Wahlberg can call him “lucky charms”?! Bay’s rationale was probably “Hey, it’s not racist if I made an actor of Irish descent say it!” I’m not gonna dwell on this as I don’t really think it’s that big of a deal, simply a thought given Bay’s history
-Autobots are on the run and in hiding, so what do they do? Choose the flashiest, most attention grabbing models of cars in the brightest colours possible. Prime himself goes back to his old colours + flame decals!! WTF??
-stupid damsel in distress makes stupid decisions. From the Prime vs Galvatron fight up to Lockdown snagging his bounty (Prime’s body) + SUV: RUN AWAY STUPID GIRL! RUN! ANYWHERE! IN LITERALLY ANY DIRECTION!!!
-Independence Day ripoff? Or…*cough* “homage”?
-in Chicago: when the CIA picks up the Seed via helicopter…why is Lockdown’s spaceship still so easily accessible by the Autobots on the ground? Isn’t the point of taking a choppa up there because then no one else can get on??
-our human characters getting bounced around like it’s nothing, can jump out of car going at highway speeds unscathed, and able to withstand the crazy G-forces when Drift/Bee are flying in that jet and caught in a aerial dogfight
-the weapon Marky Mark picks up (sized rather conveniently for humans to handle) didn’t have ANY recoil when fired?
-GAH! The blatant product placement!!! Bud Light! Victoria’s Secret! Hollywood’s never been subtle with their big-budget summer films, but you really don’t need to HOLD the shot of Bud Light bottles for that long before Marky Mark cracks into one
-so these new Deceptions don’t really transform, as much as they shapeshift like X-Men’s Mystique?
-did they just drive (and get chased) from Beijing to Hong Kong…OVERNIGHT!!! HOW COME NOBODY ELSE NOTICED THIS?!?!? BLARHGGHASDFJKL;
-WHO IN HONG KONG PLAYS AMERICAN FOOTBALL??? I can’t even begin to tell you how unlikely that is. If you’re from Hong Kong and play
American football (over “soccer”) let me know who you are, as you’re truly one-of-a-kind.
-Lockdown’s spaceship magnet thingy felt like a variation of Zod’s “world engine” from Man of Steel. I really didn’t get the point of that who scene, was it suppose to suck up the Seed (which some humans were able to hold down anyways, giant robots however don’t stand a chance)
-DINOBOTS!! W00T! They’ve always been fan favorites, and from all those posters and trailers they look amazing!!
via Imgflip Meme Maker-“Dinobots, you are now free.” [or something to that effect]. To do what exactly, frolic about Hong Kong and stomp on any innocent humans?!?
-Frank Welker voice: “I’ll get you next time Gadget, err… I mean Optimus! Next time!!”
-yeah, that was one long-ass movie
*and more, MUCH more! But I’m tired of typing and it’s getting late.
Not sure who to blame for the framing at the show I attended (Scotiabank Theatre, Toronto), but either the filmmakers or the theatre itself screwed this up royally. A lot of shots jumped between standard widescreen and IMAX during a single scene and **** got distracting. Example:
Marky Mark at his house (widescreen)
cut to Black Real Estate Agent Lady barges in (full IMAX)
cut to MM shouting at BREAL (widescreen)
cut to BREAL shouting back at MM (full IMAX)Whereas with say, The Dark Knight, an entire scene would be in IMAX (ie. the opening bank heist) but then switch back to widescreen after the scene was over.
And every once in a while the quality of a shot looked downright atrocious. I’m talking “bootleg camcorder quality”, no exaggeration.
The marketing itself: felt like a half-assed viral attempt at replicating District 9 with their “report an alien” stuff
Other observations (not necessarily positive nor negative)-Dr. Fraser McCoy: cartoonishly evil, didn’t love or hate him. The character’s death was completely lame though.
-Jeve Stobs: I think Stanley Tucci is fantastic in the Hunger Games series. Here he was on the meh side.
-while I’m glad they tried to give Hound more screen time/lines, I found the part where he was just blasting away and spouting off endless one-liners completely grating. Bonus points for John Goodman though
Now before anyone replies, a few (common) items I'd like to address:
-To answer all those typical "What did you expect? This isn't Citizen Kane/Godfather/random-highly-acclaimed-classic-film, it's a sci-fi film about transforming robots!" straw man arguments we see EVERY SINGLE TIME a Bay-formers (or any genre) film hits: please know there is such a thing as a GOOD Transformer film, just like how there are good and bad films of ANY subject matter. Otherwise your approach makes absolutely zero sense. By your logic you could defend Batman & Robin with “What do you expect? It’s a comic book film about a millionaire dressed as bat who fights crime!”
Back to TFs: with the 2007 Bay film, a lot of fans (myself included) thought it was really well done. The action was tight, story was solid, and humans were tolerable (and for the most part, necessary) while all the things we loathe about Bay were kept to a reasonable/acceptable level: his military boner, constant objectification of women, obnoxious and loud black caricatures. Thus the movie rarely suffered because of it. With ROTF/DOTM, Bay went back to doing all his usual crap.
-“Eff the critics! AoE made a kajillion $$$ so who cares?!” While studio execs may feel otherwise, the amount of money a movie makes should not matter and is not a direct reflection of the film’s quality/your personal enjoyment of a film. FYI the Twilight series made a buttload of money too.
-“Y’all hate Michael Bay because you think it’s cool! Or just for the sake of it” No, I think I’ve been pretty fair to Bay. The Rock is still one of my favorite action movies of all-time, but I hated Armageddon, Bad Boys, ROTF, AoE… Plus everyone should be able to voice their opinions on whether or not they enjoyed the works a filmmaker without being branded as a “hater”.
The bottom line is I don’t care if you genuinely enjoyed what is considered a terrible film, more power to you. But these same old arguments that get tossed around are downright stupid.
Remember you can still be a Transformer fan while also being critical. I love G1, but will be the first to fully admit how awful episodes like Carnage in C-Minor are.
Sidenote: I just introduced my wife to G1, and even as a complete TF noob she got a better understanding/enjoyment from the two Dinobot episodes she watched (SOS Dinobots and War of the Dinobots) than what AoE gave us.
Final score - 3/10For reference:
Transformers (2007) - 9/10
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - 2/10
Transformers: Dark of the Moon - 6.5/10
Transformers: The Movie (1986) - 11/10
Thank you so much for all the love and support. I really appreciate all of the messages.
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