by Senor Hugo » Sun Mar 23, 2008 11:19 am
Ah Easter. A time of fun colored eggs, colorful marshmallow treats, and a dark dark secret.
The story of Zombie Jesus, is a dark and evil story. One wonders how a beloved figure could fall so far within the three days since his crucifixion.
His resurrection came with a terrible price....hunger....for the egg of power.
The Egg of Power was a grand tool passed down through generations and generations of princes, kings and presidents. They say that whoever holds the egg of power will have a grand rule over their country, they also say that the Egg of Power holds the power to conquer the world. Alexander the Great was the first to search for the Egg of Power; he had heard tales in Egypt of its power. What better tool to help him conquer the world, then the Egg of Power? He found the egg of power hidden within a temple, he used the egg to conquer most of the world, but the Egg of Power could not prevent Alexander from succumbing to disease before his campaign to conquer the world was completed.
We know that every great leader has tried to obtain the egg of power, Napoleon, Julius Ceaser, George W, Hitler had several teams combing Europe during world war two searching for the egg of power. Hitler thought he had obtained the Egg of Power, but scientists have confirmed that the egg Hitler had was really just a fabri-ge egg, this false egg led to Hitlers downfall.
There has been only one person who, continues to search for the Egg of Power, year after year, to obtain its power and use it to conquer the world, this person is Zombie Jesus. After he had resurrected, something inside of him was corrupted and he no longer was the beloved prophet, no, he was evil and vile now. After returning he tore through Israel searching for the egg, going through homes, murdering people for their chickens, desperately searching for that grand egg that will give him unlimited power.
As Zombie Jesus tore through the cities searching for the egg, the apostles had a meeting on how to deal with the rumors that Jesus was back, and he was searching for the egg of power. They decided that it was best to talk to Jesus, he was their friend and they his, there had to be a part within him that still remembered. They sought out Zombie Jesus, and confronted him, the stories vary as to what happens next, but one thing has stayed the same with this encounter, there was a slaughter, and Zombie Jesus continued his rampage.
The search for the Egg of Power took months for Zombie Jesus, the roman armies had to be called in to try and stop him from shedding anymore innocent blood. The armies were decimated, the countries in turmoil. Nobody knew what to do, the first world summit was held to discuss the Zombie Jesus problem, half couldn’t come up with a solution, and half thought Zombie Jesus was just a legend being passed around. Only one person came up with a solution, his name has been lost to time, but he suggested that if Zombie Jesus desires the Egg of Power, why not give it to him? The others were outraged, as giving Zombie Jesus the Egg of Power could certainly mean death and destruction across the world. But the man replied, that if everyone takes their eggs and colors them with paints to all look like the Egg of Power, and hides them in areas where Zombie Jesus could find them, then the true Egg of Power could be hidden safely away, and Zombie Jesus would retreat back to the depths.
The people loved this idea, so the word was spread throughout the land, people were to color eggs and hide them, they could receive paints for the local artists to color them, and so the people did. They colored the eggs and hid them around, when Zombie Jesus went looking for the Egg of Power; he found the eggs people had laid out for him. He traveled through towns eating every “Egg of Power” he could find, in hopes that the one he ate would be the true Egg of Power. He ate so many eggs, Zombie Jesus became sleepy, eggs have a powerful effect on zombies and the undead, and enough put them to sleep, for a long time. Zombie Jesus retreated to his cave, and slept until the next year, when people colored eggs again and hid them, when Zombie Jesus awoke; he found the eggs laid out and again ate them, consuming enough to put him to sleep again for the year.
The cycle has continued for thousands of years, every Easter zombie Jesus awakens from his yearlong slumber and continues his search for the Egg of Power, and every year, people hide colored eggs for him to find and consume, putting him to sleep again for the next year.
The location of the Egg of Power has been lost to the centuries, but rest assured, as long as the coloring and hiding of eggs for Easter continues, Zombie Jesus’ plans for world domination will continually be foiled.
So color those eggs and hide them, tell the tale of Zombie Jesus, and the brave who stood up against him, those brave souls who first colored the eggs and hid them.
I REALLY don't want to know what a "cumputer" is used for. A little one-handed web surfing, perhaps?
Very good SH. 
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