Okay, I think Japan is sufficiently recovered for me to gently make fun of its toys again.
The year is 200something. The Japanese, having tired of their serious attempts to produce actual working walking talking killing robots going awry, decided to apply their own brand of logic to the Transformers franchise. This resulted in the "***** Label" series which included Music Label, Device Label, Disney Label and Lolwut Label.
The first entry if I remember correctly (and I don't) was Music Label Soundwave. Not only was this the highly-posable, roughly Deluxe-sized Soundwave your wallet had been dreading but it was a more-or-less functional MP3 player too. So just to get that straight, it's a Soundwave figure that turns into both what looks like a tape player and what actually IS an MP3 player. It's the perfect figure for those who collect G1, those who enjoy meta, and those who have been trying to convince their wives and girlfriends that after all they've wanted an MP3 player this whole time and this is the perfect opportunity to get one and hey it's okay that it costs as much as an iPod 1/5th the size and 10x the memory and maybe I won't take it off the shelf and oh god please give me back my credit card.
Redeemable for one romantic dinner or pretty necklace.
Music Label Soundwave was available in Logical Blue, Understandable Black and Seriously Wait What White. In addition Rumble and Frenzy were available as awkward but oddly cute headphones.
Because when you're peeing on tradition's cornflakes you may as well poop on his French toast too.
So far, so not too insane.
Convoy, really? Can you not go five minutes without selling out?
After that the Label line alternated fiercely between making sense and underwear-in-the-air insanity.
Average contents: 10 remixes of The Touch
Jaguar (Ravage) as a flash drive? That is actually incredibly appropriate and a suitable upgrade for the new century.
And sure, Tigatron too. Why not?
Excuse me, I'm waiting for the money shot here. I thought this was supposed to be Weird figures, not faintly justifiable figures!Look, you're supposed to ask questions. Keep with the program. Anyway, you can always rely on the Japanese to up the weirdness dosage.
"It's like all of my life everyone has always told me 'You're a shoe. You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe.' And then today I just stopped and said what if I don't want to be a shoe. What if I want to be a purse, you know, or a hat...No, I don't want you to buy me a hat. I'm saying that I am a hat. It's a metaphor, daddy!"
"April fools guys! I can't believe you fell for that stupid desi...what? You made it? You
sold it?!?"
That's right. The heroic leader of the Autobots, the holder of the Matrix, the King of the Road officially once spent time being a shoe.
#5: Sports LabelI just want to bring this up again, he's a shoe. As part of a deal with Nike (pronounced "nigh-kee") Optimus (pronounced "sell-out") became fitness equipment. And what's worse is that unlike the other **** Labels Sports Label figures aren't even
functional. They're tiny, they're made of plastic and (just in case you're a masochistic midget) they don't even come in pairs. What, Huffer had something better to do?
At least this couldn't get any more stupid oh wait no.
Eeeeeeeeevil shoe.
#5: Honourable WeirdnessSports Label may be the nadir of the **** Label line but there are still more confused faces to be made.
The Trypticon Story: From City To Mouse
For god's sake, Optimus. Keep your bankbook in your pants.
Well that's it for another chapter of weirdness.
Just hang on, Diem. You and your list of weird figures are our last hope. Defend the—defend the— There he is, my little guyyyyy! There he is; my little guy. Isn’t he cute?
one point for the unexpected but awesome Chip reference. Give it up for Overhaulin' Prime.
