The Energon Pub

As i mentionned in the thread "Kid grows more quickly", my father was broken by his marriage. This destroyed him. he no longer live, he survive and endure...
He used to be a great guy. Now he's alway anry...

Is he an isolated case or does it happen from time to time?

It's happening to a guy I work with. He's been married less than a year and they don't even live together anymore. He's now a royal d!ck and quite mean. So yeah, you lay your heart out there and it gets run over by a Stunticon, that's gotta hurt.

Of course it can. Being stuck with the wrong person can be absolutely destructive, regardless of vows involved.

Agreed. The situation could be further exacerbated if one or both spouses are abusive to one another, or if adultery is involved.

Well, i'm getting married Novenmber 16th, ( afew days after my birthday the 11th, so if anyone wants to buy me some transformers ......... ). So if you want a case study....here you go. I am with a girl i am truly in love with, and she isn't against my Transformeres obsession, or my comicbook obsession, or my music obsession, or my art obsession(but that may depend on the fact that i am very good looking, and very cool B-)Heheheheheh.). So if you want a scientific study sort of, i will give you some updates on how things are going. I personally can say we have been living together for 4 years and it's been going pretty good i supose, and i guess that when we are married, it really wont change much(cause we act like we are married anyway ). So here you go, if you want a bit of real life, here it is. Cheers, and i wish the rest of you well in your romantic endeavours!!

Duo Prime wrote:Well, i'm getting married Novenmber 16th, ( afew days after my birthday the 11th, so if anyone wants to buy me some transformers ......... ). So if you want a case study....here you go. I am with a girl i am truly in love with, and she isn't against my Transformeres obsession, or my comicbook obsession, or my music obsession, or my art obsession(but that may depend on the fact that i am very good looking, and very cool B-)Heheheheheh.). So if you want a scientific study sort of, i will give you some updates on how things are going. I personally can say we have been living together for 4 years and it's been going pretty good i supose, and i guess that when we are married, it really wont change much(cause we act like we are married anyway ). So here you go, if you want a bit of real life, here it is. Cheers, and i wish the rest of you well in your romantic endeavours!!

4 year and everything is fine? Maybe you found the right person. In that case, congratulation! This rarely happen. of coursem thing might change.

Part of the problem is there are so many people who get married too quickly and/or for the wrong reasons, like getting knocked up in a bar. In the military, you'll see young people get married just so that they can move out of the barracks or to collect extra benefits.

The one thing that's almost never taken into consideration during these circumstances is taking the time to figure out how compatible these people are. Will they actually be able to stand living together? They usually don't hold off the vows long enough to actually get to know each other and the inevitable result is a marriage on the rocks.

In that respect, you could say that the military is a lot like hollywood. Neither society is particularly kind to marriage.

the only reason why a marriage would "destroy" a person is because the person who they married isnt for them. also now a days to many ppl are stupid and get maried only after knowing the person for a short time. my wife and i knew each other for 4 yrs before we got married. we will be married 2 yrs this july 22nd and i wouldnt wanna be with anyone else. we are complete opposites but we just work together well.

It depends who you get with. People rush into marriage and don't really know the person they are getting with. People think that if they don't do it soon, they'll lose that person but it's not true. If it's meant to be, you can wait YEARS to get married. If after a few years they get pissed off because you aren't married yet and they leave, they weren't the one.

well in the US (depending on what state you live in) there is also common law marriage. thats where if you live with your partner(sorry this is only for straight ppl to) for between 7-14 yrs they consider your tech married. but i believe this isnt done so much anymore but with teh rate of ppl who have kids and live together and not married i believe it should be. i meane come on of if u dont wnt a wedding fine but go to the frickin court house. it will cost u like $70? and a few hrs at the most of your day. just do it. im so sick of seeing "baby mamas" and baby daddies" running around and there not married but they live together and will for a long time. its just stupid...... ghetto ppl annoy me.....

to me its just a piece of paper, and it doesnt really change much unless you have kids then i could see why

I think it can. To start with if you go along with what most people expect of a wedding your looking at a seriously expensive day just to get married. Then if you havent really given it much thought you could well be stuck with someone that you really dont care for. Ontop of that if you came into it with a bigger stake that person you dont really care for is gonna take a nice chunk of what you own if you call it a day. If you od it for the wrong reason and get tied into for years because of factor like kids etc it can make you a very very different person in the end.
Then again whats to say you wouldnt have turned out like that any way or far worse if you remained unmarried.

Part of the problem with the high divorce rate is this whole rediculous notion that everyone should get married. Sure it may not be a written rule, but people see their neighbors doing it or it's drilled into their heads by their parents or religion that it's something they must one day do.

There's a very large number of people on this planet that don't have what it takes to make a marraige last forever. This notion that it's necessary forces too many people into a situation they can't handle.

You know what they say:

First comes the engagement ring.

Then comes the wedding ring.

And then comes the suffer-ring.

Hell yes a marriage can destroy someone. Are you single? Do you have friends getting married? Do you notice how you rarely ever see them and they never do anything fun anymore?

My best friend, whom I did two tours in Iraq with, have known for five years, etc, turned into someone I talk to on the phone once a month after he got married. Hell, even when he was engaged and living with his fiancee we still had a blast and went out every chance we could.

He's barely even an acquaintance at this point. I can't think of one friendship I've had that has survived a marriage. And then once they have kids it's total game over even if they come to their senses and get a divorce.

A lot of people set goals for themselves; I have two:
1. Do not marry before 30; and
2. Don't ever have children.

Can a marriage destroy someone?

No. The actual ceremony, the act of, etc...the marriage itself cannot destroy someone.

The problem *is* the people in it. The old saying "guns don't kill people, *people* kill people" fits here. Marriage doesn't destroy people, people destroy people.

Once people get that figured out, then they can move onto the next problem: the insignificant other.

If you have problems with your significant other, long before you put the rings on, then you shouldn't even consider a marriage with that person.

People that have been divorced say "Oh I'll never get married again. It was too expensive, and cost me half of everything."

No. The marriage only cost you the license and the fee required by the religious or court official.

The other person, their spoiled and disgusting ways, and their "gotta have it all" divorce proceedings cost you.

If you marry the right person to begin with, none of that will happen.

I have high doubts that I'll be marrying my current girlfriend of three years (well, close to three). I gave her a ring, got down on my knee, the whole 9 yards. She's never told her family about it, and wears the ring on a necklace when she's around them because she's afraid they'll disown her for marrying me.

Shows you where her priorities are (at least somewhat). I love her dearly, but that hurt me beyond compare, and proved to me that she is not the one to walk down the aisle with.

I'd be crazy to marry her, because I know it'll end in a divorce. Whether it's personal issues between the two of us, her family problems, whatever...no point in doing it when you know going in, that it's bound to fail.

As a girlfriend, she's wonderful. As a wife, doubtful. I hate to be harsh and cold like that, but if she'll put me on the back burner to please her family, she'd do it to anyone. (Her parents are incorrigible and extremely difficult to deal with. Her father...that man is quite evil when he wants to be. Downright vicious and bullheaded.)

But she and her family would be the ones who would destroy me. Not the marriage. There *is* a difference.

Sorry to hear about that Autobot032. A woman who wants to be a wife should be thrilled about the ring and the very idea of marriage, but some won't flaunt it if their family has a problem with it.

I got married at 19, which is ridiculously young to marry, and I wouldn't recommend it for most people. We didn't even live together, and on top of learning how to do that, we had to prepare for a baby. So it was hard at first. Also, in five years together, he's been overseas for 20 months. So we have had a lot to go through for such a young couple.

But we've done it. We've matured a lot and have behaved. We have two darling children and we're happier than ever. We don't sleep in the same bed because of snoring, but it hasn't hampered our marriage. You have to have great communication or your relationship is doomed. And because you change a lot as you age, you have to respect each other and learn to grow together while still being yourself.

I went through a nasty divorce as a child. I will try my hardest not to give my children the same fate. Considering our age and the fact that we're in the army, we've done remarkably well. I'm also earning a lot of respect from him, because of my accomplishments and my support of him. Not all marriages are miserable!

Marriage does not destroy you. But it does prevent you from feeling that excitement of dating someone new ever again. The trade-off is the comfort, safety, and family environment that marriage provides.

If you want kids, get married. Your life is all about the kids once you have them, and there will be no time for dating other people after that point.

If you don't want kids, don't get married until you are fairly sure you can't get hot women anymore. If you workout, and are reasonably good looking, you could feasibly date until you are 40 and then marry a 20-year-old, like my cousin did.