The Energon Pub

“She has died ... but she has yet to pass away.”

Acceptance is hard. What is winter to the man who wears no coat?

But, even winter cannot stay. Spring WILL eventually come and this --lacking any other better description to offer on my part-- is precisely is where I have found myself at after a slow walk ... No. Scratch that. A slow ‘crawl’ back to myself and normality once again.

If you know me, remember me here, then most of you are/were already well aware what all that relates to, but it’s also been some time now since the days of Demiurgic City on Seibertron. There are a lot of brand new faces here now and with some favor that spares me most of the same lengthy explanation again.

My mother passed away late last year from cancer and her loss left my youngest, two siblings suddenly without a parent or a home all in the same suffering blow. There’s an illusion --one that I suppose comes from being the second eldest-- that made me initially believe that I could handle it all and become the almighty pillow of comfort and the pillar of strength both in the aftermath of it. I presented this image on the web and tried, at least once before that I am aware of, to return back to the way things had been before. The momentum would be strong for a few days or so, but suddenly I was just right back to sitting in the same exact pool of decay.

It startles me .. It STILL startles me yet, that I could have even found myself in such a powerful vise grip like that of loss, unacceptance, and depression that not even familiar favorites such as my drawing and Transformers wasn’t strong enough for me. I just walked away. I walked away from everything. I pout at my drawing tablets... I even stopped collecting for several months.

But Spring WILL come.

My apologies here to anyone I may have wronged, left behind, or even hurt selfishly as a result of this. I thank you in advance for any gesture and encouragement to try again. To those I am meeting for the first time, I hope that this post will be a step in the right direction towards knowing you all a lot more and better. I’ve been ‘cracking open the windows’ on my life to air out my soul these last few weeks. I moved this passed April to a new home after nearly 7 years spent at the old one, and I even became a Grandma on March 10th. Imagine that ...34-years old Gah! XD

Sincerely,

~Shinju

I had no idea that's why you were missing. Glad to see you back and sorry about your loss. As far as I know, you never did anything to hurt anybody here...?

And a grandmother at 34? Wow!

Heeey! Hello!

I'm sorry to hear about all the **** that's been going on in your life in times past. Unfortunately, I haven't been around on Seibertron as much as I used to, so I've been completely unaware of this. At least from your post you seem to be recovering somewhat. I hope the future is going to prove easier for you.

Shinju wrote:I even became a Grandma on March 10th. Imagine that ...34-years old Gah! XD

Doesn't that make you a GILF?

Congratulations. My mum was overjoyed when she became a Grandmother (at 42) and being on the slightly youngish side meant she could have a great relationship and fun with her grandkids - I hope you do to!

Hey Shinju

Firstly i am sorry for your loss it is a terrible thing to happen to anyone but you hve shown strenght through this and you have lasted even longer than i did in a similar situation it is good to have you back here.

Also congrats on becoming a grandmother a new life in this world is always welcome you have much to tach the child and also spoil like any grandmother would

Doesnt seem like anything that should offend anyone here i think it ok to vent your steam every once in a while if you dont and you store it up thats when the problems start

Becoming a Grandmother is the ‘Spring’ to which I was referring too. — Though I was originally disappointed when I first learned. I mean, I was a young mother myself when I had Jewel. There's just so much personal/family shame and even embarrassment that I had to endure. I hurt my mother, and the boy that I thought loved me and really wanted to care for; be there for me, left in my 3rd month when I first discovered that I was pregnant! So, point being, ever since Jewel was old enough to understand the 'birds & the bees' I tried so hard to teach her about the virtues of staying pure and to not make the mistake that I had made because it was hard for me raising her alone by myself. When I found out she was going to have the baby, I guess I thought that I had failed somewhere to teach her enough.

Noah’s birth was like a ray of light everyone always like to describe and talk about. The one that comes in breaking through the dark and heavy gloom that’s been suffocating you right when you need it the very most to head you in the right direction.

Everyone for everything else, Thank you all again for understanding (putting up) with me until I could get my head back on my shoulders here.

Me, Grimlock! wrote:As far as I know, you never did anything to hurt anybody here...?

Not necessarily true. Is it wrong to ask if GP might still be around yet? Galvatron Prime. Guess not, eh? ...the bastard *ha-giggle* He probably thinks I don’t ever think about him at all when the truth is that I do a lot. He caught me at such a bad, bad, downer time in my life and I snapped off at him when I really shouldn’t have ever been on the web, period! I know I hurt his feelings a lot and I haven’t yet had the opportunity to really apologize for that.


Noah Joseph - 3/10/09

Welcome back Shinju; and not just to Seibs; we're here for you if you need us.


O and congrats on the new grandbaby

Jar Axel wrote:Welcome back Shinju; and not just to Seibs; we're here for you if you need us.


O and congrats on the new grandbaby

I know ...And look at that boy. *beams* He just needs grandma to go buy him some Decepticon onesies now.

Welcome back.

It's good to see you again.

Shinju-chan wrote:

Jar Axel wrote:Welcome back Shinju; and not just to Seibs; we're here for you if you need us.


O and congrats on the new grandbaby

I know ...And look at that boy. *beams* He just needs grandma to go buy him some Decepticon onesies now.

MOst awesome grandma Ever

Wow I hardly ever thought to see you here again after all that has happened

I thought I would only see you on your board


I'm very sure your going to spoil Noah with transformers and get him into Frank

Wheeljack35 wrote:Wow I hardly ever thought to see you here again after all that has happened

I thought I would only see you on your board


I'm very sure your going to spoil Noah with transformers and get him into Frank

As though I've been there even. *l* (My board I mean) As for Noah, well of course. Damn straight I'll buy him some TFs.