The Energon Pub

[Blastback]

"Honestly I never keep track"
*Is behind the counter selling napalm to customers*

[Psycho Warrior]

*A large machine vacuum presses PW back into form*

PW: "I hate doing that. I never feel like everything's right back where it should be. Last time my heart was external and my best bits were internal. Scared the hell of the doctor when he got out the stethoscope. Was almost worth it."

*watches the napalm sell out*

PW: Man, Bhuddists sure do love their napalm. I think they're going to be doing some serious celebrating soon.

[Blastback]

"Hang on, I'll mix some more up. Gonna see if I can make it burn various colors"

[Psycho Warrior]

*Randy comes into the store*

Randy: hey can I get a hot dog?

PW: Sure thing! Catch!

*PW loads and fires his hot dog gun, managing to get one in Randy's mouth. In seconds its burned through his face like water through cotton candy and leaves him two halves on the floor.*

PW: If you think these dogs are too hot, you should see the coffee.

[Rodimus Prime]

*snores*

*snores*

*snaps awake*

Wha...?! Where am I? WHAT IS THIS PLACE?!!

*ducks flying hot dog*

Hey! What the hell, man?!

*fires his shotgun towards PW*

[Blastback]

*Gives Randy a napalm hotdog and sits back to watch the show*

[Psycho Warrior]

*Randy's mouth bursts into flames, and he begins to run around the Psycho's Inconvenience Store knocking things over. He eventually grabs the fire extinguisher only for it to spray him with live snakes*

PW: Hey you use it you bought it!

*PW's head is taken off by a mysterious stray shotgun blast, forcing him to go back to the mold injector to get a new one. Sadly his new head looks more like Gary Busey*

PW: Suddenly I feel like riding a motorcycle without a helmet and guest staring in several christian films.

[Rodimus Prime]

Now that that's taken care of, back to my entertainment production. Who wants to...

...Gary Busey? What are you doing here? Did PW invite you? Are you financing this operation?

...

Why are you looking at me like that...? I STILL DON'T HAVE YOUR MONEY!

*raises shotgun and aims at the randomly appearing mentally unhinged performer*

[Psycho Warrior]

PW barely has any time to react when two customers who managed to climb inside the store shout: HE'S COMING RIGHT FOR US! and blast PW's head off again.

PW blindly makes his way to a jar of googly eyes and puts them on his hand.

PW hand puppet: Well, that's just great. I'm only good for one head replacement every hour. Now I gotta direct the store like this.

[Rodimus Prime]

Hand-face? Is that you?

[Psycho Warrior]

*PW's hand puppet quickly puts on a small fake goatee*

PW's hand puppet: No, you must be thinking of some other guy. Excuse me I have to go inspect the gun closet.

[Rodimus Prime]

Huh, that's weird...

*turns the shotgun towards the 2 idiots who made it inside the store*

So, what do we have here? Did you come for the hot dogs or the adult entertainment? Either way you're getting wieners! HAHAHAHA!

*stares at the blank faces staring back at him*

Wait, where's Gary Busey?

*looks around in a panic*

Gary? GARY!

[Psycho Warrior]

*Gary Coleman looks up at Roddy, then quickly hits him in the shin with his cane.*

Gary: Wotchu talkin' bout, Prime?

Gary Oldman however looks utterly confused why he's even here. And alive. And traveling with an old, black midget.

*PW returns, his head restored to its usual, lumpy misshapen state.*

PW: Wow, old celebrities in my establishment, can I get an atuograph?

*The real gary busey suddenly appears behind PW, shouts SURE THING! then hits PW with a baseball bat.*

[Rodimus Prime]

GARY!

...and Gary!

And Gary!

Wait...am I hallucinating? PW, have you been pumping chemicals through the vents?!

Wait...is this LSD?!

PW, WHAT THE HELL, MAN!
No wonder I can't get it up for the OF peeps

[Blastback]

"Sorry, sorry, fumes from the lab I just set up in the basement. Not sure how this place has a multistory basement, but here we are."
*Refills the napalm supply*

[Psycho Warrior]

PW: We have basements? We're a rolling inconvenience store how the hell do we have basements? This might be my fresh brain injury talking but I don't remember any other floors...

*PW goes to investigate, finds a door marked 'BASEMENT, FOO'!'

PW: Huh. well I guess I better see what we have down there.

*PW falls through the hole in the floor on the other side and is crushed by the tank treads below. Those that care to look would find PW is not dead, but now a cartoon accordion of himself due to pacts he's made with the locust demons*

PW: owie.

[Blastback]

*Blastback fishes PW off the floor and plays him like an accordion until he pops back to normal*

[Psycho Warrior]

*Weird Al Yankovic stops Blastback and takes the PW accordion*

Weird Al: Amateur, let me show you how its done.

*Weird Al proceeds to play Polka Face with PW, ending the song by breaking the accordion over his knee*

Weird Al: Wow, this is the worst accordion I've ever played. *tosses PW into the trash* Hey can I get a super gulp and a twinkie?

PW: Give the man what he wants... and find me a new spine...

[Blastback]

*Gives Weird Al the Super Gulp and Twinkie. Weird Al gets whatever Weird Al wants*
"There you go sir. "
*Goes to his lab in the actual basement and whips up a new spine for PW*
"Here ya go"

[Rodimus Prime]

*RP watches all this unfold while dancing elephants in a multitude of colors surround him.*

Oh...hey Weird Al...what are you doing here...? Where's Gary Busey? He shouldn't be allowed to roam freely.

[Psycho Warrior]

*A mobile task force bursts into the store waving guns. They immediately go to the stock room and toss in CS gas and stun grenades. After a prolonged and action packed fight with lasers and other worldly nonsense too graphic for this post, they lead Gary Busey out of the store and into waiting chopper back to this containment cell.*

PW: Huh. Well, that's a thing. *PW's top end flops over* Damn you, Backblast, you made my new spine out of hot dog buns, didn't you?

*Weird Al just sips his big gulp, and nicks a hot dog and some spray cheese to make himself a twinkie wiener sandwich from UHF*

Weird Al: Just indulging, really.