The Energon Pub

I was sick one weekend and couldn't move from my couch. But I sure could tweet from my couch, and so I belted out SHARKTICONADO, as written by the greatest Transformers screenwriter ever, Thundercracker.

Well, first scene or so. enjoy.

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we fade in, the open seas somewhere. SEASPRAY BOAT & WINDCHARGER SCIENTIST are floating around, taking readings of ocean.

WINDCHARGER: wow, the water sure is turbulent this week. Usually it's not like that. Usually it's water-like.

SEASPRAY: gurgle gurgle bubble gurgle gargle bloop bloop bloop

WINDCHARGER: you're right, Seaspray. That could only mean ONE thing: SHARKTICONS. Fortunately this part of the ocean is WAY too far from our seaside community where all our friends are, safe from SHARKTICONS.

SEASPRAY: gurgle gurgle bloop blurgle bubble?

Windcharger laughs and pets his friend on his hull.

WINDCHARGER: don't worry, Seaspray. It would take a storm or something to bring Sharkticons to the seaside community, where all our loved ones and our favorite cafe is. now let's do more science.

cut to: wider view of ocean. SFX thunder. digitalally enhanced wind and storm clouds roll in.

WINDCHARGER: oh no! a storm! Quick, Seaspray! (windcharger points to a tree on the ocean) We'll be safe under that tree!

Seaspray revs up his motor and heads toward the tree, the one on the ocean. But the water gets choppy suddenly! suddenly a few SHARKTICONS pop out of the water.

WINDCHARGER: Gasp! Sharkticons!

SFX: thunder. Windcharger looks behind to see several TORNADOES making their way toward him. But sharkticons block the tree!

WINDCHARGER: oh no! this is worse than I thought! Tornados? on the ocean? And they're coming right for us? We're doomed!

SHARKTICONS: rar rar rar rar chomp!

the sharkticons attack Seaspray.

SEASPRAY: GURGLE! BLURGLE SLURGLE GURGLE!

WINDCHARGER: Sure I can use my magnet powers to get to that tree! But what about you? I won't leave you!

Seaspray jerks around, tossing Windcharger into the water. The Sharkticons resume their attack as the tornadoes close in. a lone sharkticon turns its attention to Windcharger. (sharkticonPOV shot at it swims toward Windcharger!) Windcharger points to the tree on the ocean & uses his magnet power; it pulls him from the water JUST IN TIME...except the sharkticon gets a hold of his foot.

SHARKTICON: CHOMP!

WINDCHARGER: ARGH! MY FOOT!

We see Windcharger caught in his magnet stream, Sharkticon biting his foot, tree on ocean bending toward Windcharger. Windcharger looks over to see Seaspray getting eaten by Sharkticons. He is not doing well.

SHARKTICONS: NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!

But Seaspray transforms despite being chomped on, makes his way over to the sharkticon who has Windcharger by the foot. Seaspray hits that Sharkticon, who makes mighty chomp, tearing off part of Windcharger's foot!

WINDCHARGER: YEAAARRGH!

Windcharger is free now & his magnet power pulls him safely to the tree on the ocean! cut back to Seaspray. Sharkticons close in on Seaspray; so do the tornadoes!

SEASPRAY: gurgle! blirgle mirgle gurgle!

WINDCHARGER: warn the others? Seaspray, no! don't go, my friend!

SHARKTICONS: RAR RAR RAR NOM NOM NOM!

as Seaspray is being eaten, the tornadoes approach. SFX: thunder.

TORNADOES: mwa ha ha!

WINDCHARGER: Seaspray! watch out!

He watches in horror as the tornadoes wind pulls Seaspray & Sharkticons out of the water into the funnel. Seaspray, sharkticons are gone.

WINDCHARGER: SEAAASPRAAAAAY!

meanwhile the wind dies down, the water becomes less turbulent. we pan back, the tornadoes disappeared, water completely calm. Windcharger, alone clinging safely to the tree (on the ocean)

WINDCHARGER: Seaspray? SEASPRAAAY!

[COLOR="Red"]TITLE CARD: SHARKTICONADO! [/COLOR]

Windcharger: I wish i took those free swimming lessons.

fade in, to SEASIDE COMMUNITY, wide shot. we pan across recreational boats (see if Broadside wants in). Seaside Community features bars, restaurants, fishing boats, a small amusement park, beach, and a spaceship wedged into volcano. We cut to Uncle Megatron's Cafe & Wayward Hotel. it's a nice homey place that's not a 4 star hotel but is run by good people.

Across the street is Blackrock's Evil Snob Hotel, its direct competitor. It is new and fancy and employs henchmen for some reason.

cut to: interior of Uncle Megatron's Cafe. among the patrons are various goofball robots who don't fit in elsewhere. We zoom in on SUSAN WAITRESS, Uncle Megatron's niece. She is an aspiring nurse. She rehearses human nursing in her spare time. Susan Waitress hopes one day to go to Nursing Finals and then become a professional nurse instead an amateur. Thankfully her Uncle Megatron has given her cafe work to do while she practices nursing.

UNCLE MEGATRON: Susan! we have tables waiting!

SUSAN: Okay, Uncle Megatron. (to herself) Oh, these lovable misfit robots.

pan around the cafe. Seated are SIDESWIPE DAREDEVIL, WARPATH TOUGHGUY, PERCEPTOR SCIENTIST, ACID STORM COMPUTERIST, FRACTURE FRIENDLYMEANGIRL. Susan puts drinks down on the table.

WARPATH: Blam blam wham blam blam blam.

SIDESWIPE: Warpath is right, Susan. We really do enjoy coming here to your uncle's seaside cafe. For me, Sideswipe, I love the annual surfing competition.

ACID STORM: yeah, but that awful Whirl Blackrock the 3rd wins that every year.

PERCEPTOR: Acid Storm and I are calculating Sideswipe's best chances, and we might even design a new surfboard for him.

SUSAN: that's great, Perceptor. You're all a swell bunch of.friends for this human female to have. I'm just a cafe waitress who practices nursing on the side, in hopes of entering professional nursing competitions and winning regionals.

everyone nods and smiles.

FRACTURE: Um, hello? Is anyone going to introduce me? one of the gang?

SIDESWIPE: anyway.

FRACTURE: IT'S FRACTURE! THE TOMBOY GIRL WHO IS ONE OF THE GUYS BUT GETS A MAKEOVER & LOOKS SUPER HOT AT THE END!

SIDESWIPE: yeah, if you even MAKE it to the end.

Fracture lunges at Sideswipe and starts punching him.

SUSAN: Perceptor, where's your science pal Windcharger? Usually he's hanging around you guys. I even brought him his coffee.

PERCEPTOR: He's in the ocean gathering science on Earth WATER, as is the technical term, so we can develop Sideswipe's surfboard.

ACID STORM: He's out with his best friend, Seaspray. You know, they're inseparable. Great guy.

SUSAN: doesn't ring a bell.

WARPATH: blam? blam blam pow bam?

SUSAN: Yes, that was the perfect segue to discuss my love life, Warpath.

Slow close up on Susan, everyone stops what they are doing to look at her, as the light music starts to swell.

SUSAN: Well, it's hard to be a single amateur nurse who serves coffee to a community of fun loving transforming robots. I meet some interesting people, but it seems like my best bet is that rich snob Whirl Blackrock who keeps asking me out. I prefer tall, handsome, sensitive F22 fighter jets to angry, stupid, and lazy helicopters with stupid claw hands, but Whirl IS wealthy, and the reigning surfing champion of Seaside Community, so I guess I should go out with him since I guess Mr. Right isn't going to come through that door any time soon.

Everyone nods, camera shifts to entrance. Just then OPTIMUS PRIME walks in.

SUSAN: mmm, too big and truck-like.

ELITA-1 walks in.

SUSAN: No, not my type.

OPTIMUS: hello? Hotel manager? We'd like to rent a room for me, Optimus Prime. Elita-1, my wife, and our son, Thundercracker.

everyone turns their attention to the door again. for a minute or so.

OPTIMUS: aaaany minute now.

in walks THUNDERCRACKER BOYFRIENDMATERIAL. Romantic music swells as Susan sees him for 1st time

UNCLE MEGATRON: Welcome to Uncle Megatron's Cafe & Wayward Hotel For Perpetual Underdogs. We're a fun place to hang out in Seaside Community. Sure, we might not have fancy hot tubs or decent room service, but what we lack in meeting basic regulations we make up for in charm. Not like the Snooty Blackrock Hotel across the street, with their hot tubs & clean beds. Anyway what can I get you? coffee? hotel room?

OPTIMUS: my family is vacationing at Seaside Community. That is what we do.

ELITA: We're also looking to rekindle our marriage, and our son needs new friends and to best a local rich bully to build his self-confidence, and maybe eveb impress a local girl. Our plotpoint might get cut out, and seem unfulfilled. Just like in real life.

OPTIMUS: What was that?

ELITA: Nevermimd.