The Energon Pub

'cause it's always fun to share ...

Subject: Australian Lonely Planet..... F.A.Q.
These are true questions that have been asked about Australia (believe it or not)

Q: Do these people really exist? Yes

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on
TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it IS true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which
does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers.
Milk is i-ll-egal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Burn wrote:'cause it's always fun to share ...

Subject: Australian Lonely Planet..... F.A.Q.
These are true questions that have been asked about Australia (believe it or not)

Q: Do these people really exist? Yes

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on
TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it IS true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which
does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers.
Milk is i-ll-egal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

I liked the Canadian version of that better.

Sheogorath wrote:I liked the Canadian version of that better.

Treacherous scum.

Burn wrote:

Sheogorath wrote:I liked the Canadian version of that better.

Treacherous scum.

Poo-face.

Sheogorath wrote:

Burn wrote:

Sheogorath wrote:I liked the Canadian version of that better.

Treacherous scum.

Poo-face.

John Howard.

Burn wrote:

Sheogorath wrote:

Burn wrote:

Sheogorath wrote:I liked the Canadian version of that better.

Treacherous scum.

Poo-face.

John Howard.

Peter Costello.

Sheogorath wrote:

Burn wrote:

Sheogorath wrote:

Burn wrote:

Sheogorath wrote:I liked the Canadian version of that better.

Treacherous scum.

Poo-face.

John Howard.

Peter Costello.

We could go like this for the next week and beyond.

The fun part is someone will actually be stupid enough to look up all the names we use.

So on one hand, we get to screw with some gullible folk in the northern hemisphere, on the other hand CB of Mr Muffin are liable to go "SPAM!!11!!! CRUSH!!11!!"

Decisions decisions ... what say you Amanda Vanstone?

Burn wrote:

Sheogorath wrote:

Burn wrote:

Sheogorath wrote:

Burn wrote:

Sheogorath wrote:I liked the Canadian version of that better.

Treacherous scum.

Poo-face.

John Howard.

Peter Costello.

We could go like this for the next week and beyond.

The fun part is someone will actually be stupid enough to look up all the names we use.

So on one hand, we get to screw with some gullible folk in the northern hemisphere, on the other hand CB of Mr Muffin are liable to go "SPAM!!11!!! CRUSH!!11!!"

Decisions decisions ... what say you Amanda Vanstone?

I'd like to hear your thoughts on the matter, Mal Colston.

Sheogorath wrote:

Burn wrote:

Sheogorath wrote:

Burn wrote:

Sheogorath wrote:

Burn wrote:

Sheogorath wrote:I liked the Canadian version of that better.

Treacherous scum.

Poo-face.

John Howard.

Peter Costello.

We could go like this for the next week and beyond.

The fun part is someone will actually be stupid enough to look up all the names we use.

So on one hand, we get to screw with some gullible folk in the northern hemisphere, on the other hand CB of Mr Muffin are liable to go "SPAM!!11!!! CRUSH!!11!!"

Decisions decisions ... what say you Amanda Vanstone?

I'd like to hear your thoughts on the matter, Mal Colston.

They're not worthy Ms Pauline Hanson!

Burn wrote:

Sheogorath wrote:

Burn wrote:

Sheogorath wrote:

Burn wrote:

Sheogorath wrote:

Burn wrote:

Sheogorath wrote:I liked the Canadian version of that better.

Treacherous scum.

Poo-face.

John Howard.

Peter Costello.

We could go like this for the next week and beyond.

The fun part is someone will actually be stupid enough to look up all the names we use.

So on one hand, we get to screw with some gullible folk in the northern hemisphere, on the other hand CB of Mr Muffin are liable to go "SPAM!!11!!! CRUSH!!11!!"

Decisions decisions ... what say you Amanda Vanstone?

I'd like to hear your thoughts on the matter, Mal Colston.

They're not worthy Ms Pauline Hanson!

Why is that Mr Kim Beazley?

Sheogorath wrote:

Burn wrote:

Sheogorath wrote:

Burn wrote:

Sheogorath wrote:

Burn wrote:

Sheogorath wrote:

Burn wrote:

Sheogorath wrote:I liked the Canadian version of that better.

Treacherous scum.

Poo-face.

John Howard.

Peter Costello.

We could go like this for the next week and beyond.

The fun part is someone will actually be stupid enough to look up all the names we use.

So on one hand, we get to screw with some gullible folk in the northern hemisphere, on the other hand CB of Mr Muffin are liable to go "SPAM!!11!!! CRUSH!!11!!"

Decisions decisions ... what say you Amanda Vanstone?

I'd like to hear your thoughts on the matter, Mal Colston.

They're not worthy Ms Pauline Hanson!

Why is that Mr Kim Beazley?

Because i'd much rather be sleeping Mrs Molly Meldrum.

Peter Garret is a giant condom.

Stupid Wombats...

Burn wrote:'cause it's always fun to share ...

Subject: Australian Lonely Planet..... F.A.Q.
These are true questions that have been asked about Australia (believe it or not)


Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers.
Milk is i-ll-egal.

i feel so ashamed!

Dead Metal wrote:

Tammuz wrote:so what is the best beer in oz?

The same as anywere els, German import!

Man astralia is so very dangerus.

If I remember, they have 9/10 of the worlds most poisonous snakes down there!

Lucky bastards

The Master Blaster wrote:

Dead Metal wrote:

Tammuz wrote:so what is the best beer in oz?

The same as anywere els, German import!

Man astralia is so very dangerus.

If I remember, they have 9/10 of the worlds most poisonous snakes down there!

Lucky bastards

And one of them is the most poisonous in th eworld, the inlandtipan!

Oh and snailes that can kill you with a arow!

Uncrazzimatic wrote:

Renne wrote:...Disclaimer: I don't really know what I am talking about because beer is disgusting.

How can anyone say that! *strokes his beer bottle cap collection*

It's not even genetic, because the rest of the family loves beer. I am made to feel like some social pariah every time I go to gatherings and someone offers me a beer.

Renne wrote:

Uncrazzimatic wrote:

Renne wrote:...Disclaimer: I don't really know what I am talking about because beer is disgusting.

How can anyone say that! *strokes his beer bottle cap collection*

It's not even genetic, because the rest of the family loves beer. I am made to feel like some social pariah every time I go to gatherings and someone offers me a beer.

Fun times isn't it?

Burn wrote:

Renne wrote:

Uncrazzimatic wrote:

Renne wrote:...Disclaimer: I don't really know what I am talking about because beer is disgusting.

How can anyone say that! *strokes his beer bottle cap collection*

It's not even genetic, because the rest of the family loves beer. I am made to feel like some social pariah every time I go to gatherings and someone offers me a beer.

Fun times isn't it?

Seriously.

If I had a dollar for every time I had someone say, "What, you don't like beer???!!" I'd have... a lot of dollars.

It's like people banging on that beer's an acquired taste. So... tell me again why I'd want to acquire it?

HA! I'm pretty sure i'd be richer. Though it was more for "You don't drink? AT ALL?" or the ever flattering "Oh yeah, HE doesn't drink".

Simply because I tried all sorts of different alcoholic beverages and never found one I liked.
Until last Saturday night anyway.

Burn wrote:HA! I'm pretty sure i'd be richer. Though it was more for "You don't drink? AT ALL?" or the ever flattering "Oh yeah, HE doesn't drink".

Simply because I tried all sorts of different alcoholic beverages and never found one I liked.
Until last Saturday night anyway.

Oh, for a while I had the following variations on the not drinking question. "Can I get you a beer? No? How about wine then? No? Whiskey? Vodka? A freakin' Bacardi Breezer? No? What do you drink then? COME ON, LET ME GET YOU A DRINK."

So. What did you drink last Saturday night?

Raspberry Vodka Cruiser.

Yes, I realise it's a "ladies drink". But it tasted pretty good.

Burn wrote:Raspberry Vodka Cruiser.

Yes, I realise it's a "ladies drink". But it tasted pretty good.

Nothing wrong with guys drinking "ladies drinks".

I find I can drink the premixed stuff easier than any other alcohol (getting pissed on Stoli's in high school? Check!), 'cause even the stuff with a high alcohol content doesn't have that burn to it like hand-mixed drinks. Gahhhh.

Renne wrote:

Burn wrote:Raspberry Vodka Cruiser.

Yes, I realise it's a "ladies drink". But it tasted pretty good.

Nothing wrong with guys drinking "ladies drinks".

I find I can drink the premixed stuff easier than any other alcohol (getting pissed on Stoli's in high school? Check!), 'cause even the stuff with a high alcohol content doesn't have that burn to it like hand-mixed drinks. Gahhhh.

If it doesn't burn it isn't good; and here I thought you Aussies were tough

I can understand people hating beer, I used to. However, I aquired the taste during a period of fish-like drinking which continues to this day