The Energon Pub

[Shadowman]

*several screams are heard as PW leaves his office int he ladies room*

Locust,Jadow, for some reason I was just slapped with a lawsuit by what looked like three mini locusts standing on top of each other wearing a dress. Care to explain how this will impact my penniless operations?

Yes, that was Ms. Notabunchofbugsstandingontopofoneanother...she's...French?

And yo won't to pay us if yo don't have money. Just give us absolutely everything you own. And then we'll take you out back and beat you with tire irons. Because at the Law Offices of Shadow & Man, if someone doesn't pay, we break their legs.

Now to set up my own Network for the planet

*has Petracons Bring up the main control satelite and actives it's defensive mechanisms*

*starts passing out ear pods to down load the information directly to your brain*

Necronet is now online

Isn't that the plot to a couple of Doctor Who episodes? And you can't say it isn't, because it totally was.

[Exdominus]

*several screams are heard as PW leaves his office int he ladies room*

Locust,Jadow, for some reason I was just slapped with a lawsuit by what looked like three mini locusts standing on top of each other wearing a dress. Care to explain how this will impact my penniless operations?

Yes, that was Ms. Notabunchofbugsstandingontopofoneanother...she's...French?

And yo won't to pay us if yo don't have money. Just give us absolutely everything you own. And then we'll take you out back and beat you with tire irons. Because at the Law Offices of Shadow & Man, if someone doesn't pay, we break their legs.

Now to set up my own Network for the planet

*has Petracons Bring up the main control satelite and actives it's defensive mechanisms*

*starts passing out ear pods to down load the information directly to your brain*

Necronet is now online

Isn't that the plot to a couple of Doctor Who episodes? And you can't say it isn't, because it totally was.

Yes it was rise of the cyberman and age of steel

But I am not doing what lumic did megatron in beast machines already did that

[Senor Hugo]

-watches the exchange going on-

This is oddly hilarious. Or hilariously odd, I'm not quite sure as to which. Though it could be both, or none, and I could just be completely insane, which I am.

-one of the workers opens the door to the janitorial closet and comes over, the worker mutters some things-

Ok, and you're almost finished? All the janitorial closets are connected right?

-the midget nods-

What about my nega-reality warp? Is that installed?

-the midget looks down at a clipboard and nods-

Awesome, and the salami gun defense system?

-the midget's eyes grow wide as he searches the clipboard-

It's not installed is it....

-the midget shakes his head-

Well, I see someone wants to go and visit Mr.Starving Lion

-the midget shakes his head furiously-

Are you sure, you don't want to go see Mr.Starving Lion?

-the midget nods-

Then are you going to go get the salami gun defense system up and running?

-the midget nods-

Then go do it, finish it and you'll be rewarded. -Holds up a large bag of lint-

[Exdominus]

* hanging from the ceiling in his control helment* Notices two jars sitting on the table*flips down to look closer* Ahh my locust speicemens my good little dino drones got for me

[Psycho Warrior]

Yes, that was Ms. Notabunchofbugsstandingontopofoneanother...she's...French?

And yo won't to pay us if yo don't have money. Just give us absolutely everything you own. And then we'll take you out back and beat you with tire irons. Because at the Law Offices of Shadow & Man, if someone doesn't pay, we break their legs.

I own... this pen. Everything else was there when I moved in... Oh damn by cardboard box!

*runs to window to see the minilocusts carrying my home away* They took my house! I have no money! I have no home! ... Good god you've turned me into Dr. Zoidburg!

[Shadowman]

Yes, that was Ms. Notabunchofbugsstandingontopofoneanother...she's...French?

And yo won't to pay us if yo don't have money. Just give us absolutely everything you own. And then we'll take you out back and beat you with tire irons. Because at the Law Offices of Shadow & Man, if someone doesn't pay, we break their legs.

I own... this pen. Everything else was there when I moved in... Oh damn by cardboard box!

*runs to window to see the minilocusts carrying my home away* They took my house! I have no money! I have no home! ... Good god you've turned me into Dr. Zoidburg!

You're home is now going to hold a variety of objects that I'm going to put in a storage closet! Or I'll make it into a Space ship! Or a Fort!

Mini-Locusts 12, 14, 27, 82, 209, 1001, and Steve are now going to go make you "have an accident," and by that I mean they're going to break a variety of your bones, and it won't be an accident at all.

We here at the Law Offices of Shadow & Man are not a mafia, but we do cause people horrible physical pain.

[Psycho Warrior]

Mini-Locusts 12, 14, 27, 82, 209, 1001, and Steve are now going to go make you "have an accident," and by that I mean they're going to break a variety of your bones, and it won't be an accident at all.

At least they aren't performing surgery. The last guy I saw was very unprofessional. Did Locust really have to use restaurant knives to take out my appendix? But I digress: Now I have to move into my summer home in the crawlspace... I hope the cockroaches recognize me.

[Exdominus]

Mini-Locusts 12, 14, 27, 82, 209, 1001, and Steve are now going to go make you "have an accident," and by that I mean they're going to break a variety of your bones, and it won't be an accident at all.

At least they aren't performing surgery. The last guy I saw was very unprofessional. Did Locust really have to use restaurant knives to take out my appendix? But I digress: Now I have to move into my summer home in the crawlspace... I hope the cockroaches recognize me.

Sorry the crawl space is nwhere my petracon legions are stored.
Sigma will show you new place to have your office

[Halo]

I go away for a day, and the place descends into chaos.



I wouldn't have it any other way.

[Psycho Warrior]

Mini-Locusts 12, 14, 27, 82, 209, 1001, and Steve are now going to go make you "have an accident," and by that I mean they're going to break a variety of your bones, and it won't be an accident at all.

At least they aren't performing surgery. The last guy I saw was very unprofessional. Did Locust really have to use restaurant knives to take out my appendix? But I digress: Now I have to move into my summer home in the crawlspace... I hope the cockroaches recognize me.

Sorry the crawl space is nwhere my petracon legions are stored.
Sigma will show you new place to have your office

Well thanks sigma, I hope my new office isn't fa- *has been led out the window*

[Exdominus]

Well thanks sigma, I hope my new office isn't fa- *has been led out the window*

*Falls on the floor laugning after he sees sigma's recording of the hole in the ground PW left.*

Good Sigma *pats sigma on tyhe head*

Prrrrr

Now back to those locust samples I collected time to throew them in the cloner but first I need a randy the random guy sample

GOD DAMN IT NO RANDYS arooud can someone please unleash some randys
WHERE THE HECK IS EVERYONE DANG IT Where is the locust

[Psycho Warrior]

*Falls on the floor laugning after he sees sigma's recording of the hole in the ground PW left.*

Good Sigma *pats sigma on tyhe head*

Prrrrr

Now back to those locust samples I collected time to throew them in the cloner but first I need a randy the random guy sample

GOD DAMN IT NO RANDYS arooud can someone please unleash some randys
WHERE THE HECK IS EVERYONE DANG IT Where is the locust

*walks back in trying to get his nose out of the back of his head*
He's out promoting his new locust mart product: spray on arm hair. for the manly man who's burned his off.

[The Happy Locust]

*Falls on the floor laugning after he sees sigma's recording of the hole in the ground PW left.*

Good Sigma *pats sigma on tyhe head*

Prrrrr

Now back to those locust samples I collected time to throew them in the cloner but first I need a randy the random guy sample

GOD DAMN IT NO RANDYS arooud can someone please unleash some randys
WHERE THE HECK IS EVERYONE DANG IT Where is the locust

*walks back in trying to get his nose out of the back of his head*
He's out promoting his new locust mart product: spray on arm hair. for the manly man who's burned his off.

*somewhere in the basement, a locust shaped imprint in the concrete foundation whimpers for help*

...

[Psycho Warrior]

*Falls on the floor laugning after he sees sigma's recording of the hole in the ground PW left.*

Good Sigma *pats sigma on tyhe head*

Prrrrr

Now back to those locust samples I collected time to throew them in the cloner but first I need a randy the random guy sample

GOD DAMN IT NO RANDYS arooud can someone please unleash some randys
WHERE THE HECK IS EVERYONE DANG IT Where is the locust

*walks back in trying to get his nose out of the back of his head*
He's out promoting his new locust mart product: spray on arm hair. for the manly man who's burned his off.

*somewhere in the basement, a locust shaped imprint in the concrete foundation whimpers for help*

...

I think I heard something mutter for help in my new home. just my imagination.

[Exdominus]

*sends tangent over to the wimper heard at the far side of the basement soooem whgere behind the racks uypon rack s of fine female pornstar dna to scrap up the locust sized splat with a spatula*

OK what to dxo with him clone him or lput him on the medical table and let the nanites reconstruct him?

I will use the medical table *has tangent place what is left of locust on the table and lets the nanites do there work rebuliding him*

[The Happy Locust]

*sends tangent over to the wimper heard at the far side of the basement soooem whgere behind the racks uypon rack s of fine female pornstar dna to scrap up the locust sized splat with a spatula*

OK what to dxo with him clone him or lput him on the medical table and let the nanites reconstruct him?

I will use the medical table *has tangent place what is left of locust on the table and lets the nanites do there work rebuliding him*

*Bolts of lightning, an earthquake, and a sewage malfunction all combine to create... something totally disgusting in the corner. In the meantime, the nanites are having a helluva time figuring out what to do with the Locust Sludge.*

Nanite1: This guy doesn't make any sense.
Nanite2: Just start throwing parts together. We're off in 5 minutes.

[Exdominus]

*sends tangent over to the wimper heard at the far side of the basement soooem whgere behind the racks uypon rack s of fine female pornstar dna to scrap up the locust sized splat with a spatula*

OK what to dxo with him clone him or lput him on the medical table and let the nanites reconstruct him?

I will use the medical table *has tangent place what is left of locust on the table and lets the nanites do there work rebuliding him*

*Bolts of lightning, an earthquake, and a sewage malfunction all combine to create... something totally disgusting in the corner. In the meantime, the nanites are having a helluva time figuring out what to do with the Locust Sludge.*

Nanite1: This guy doesn't make any sense.
Nanite2: Just start throwing parts together. We're off in 5 minutes.

AHHHHHHHHHH Crap The Nanites have swarmed all over the lab steal dna fromm random things they attack the 25 year old spam and gouda cheese sandwich sitting in the fridge carry off the toaster to unknown regions attack the the half disected wheelie then burst the cloning tank with a finished randy inside

Take a hint there ar ebanks of these things i9n my lab


Crude what the hell are they going to do with all that crap

[Psycho Warrior]

*sends tangent over to the wimper heard at the far side of the basement soooem whgere behind the racks uypon rack s of fine female pornstar dna to scrap up the locust sized splat with a spatula*

OK what to dxo with him clone him or lput him on the medical table and let the nanites reconstruct him?

I will use the medical table *has tangent place what is left of locust on the table and lets the nanites do there work rebuliding him*

*Bolts of lightning, an earthquake, and a sewage malfunction all combine to create... something totally disgusting in the corner. In the meantime, the nanites are having a helluva time figuring out what to do with the Locust Sludge.*

Nanite1: This guy doesn't make any sense.
Nanite2: Just start throwing parts together. We're off in 5 minutes.

this is why you never let your nanites unionize.

[Exdominus]

*sends tangent over to the wimper heard at the far side of the basement soooem whgere behind the racks uypon rack s of fine female pornstar dna to scrap up the locust sized splat with a spatula*

OK what to dxo with him clone him or lput him on the medical table and let the nanites reconstruct him?

I will use the medical table *has tangent place what is left of locust on the table and lets the nanites do there work rebuliding him*

*Bolts of lightning, an earthquake, and a sewage malfunction all combine to create... something totally disgusting in the corner. In the meantime, the nanites are having a helluva time figuring out what to do with the Locust Sludge.*

Nanite1: This guy doesn't make any sense.
Nanite2: Just start throwing parts together. We're off in 5 minutes.

this is why you never let your nanites unionize.

DAMN IT Look at my lab!!!!!!!(looka at my last post)

Stupid Nanites Last time I buy them by the Jar full

How could know there were unionized labor they were freaking cheap to buy I thought they were mexican nanites but that would mean more fees for smuggling and everything so those were the more expensive ones

*looks overatthe med table* IT"S FORMING

* A Skeleton begins to form onm the table looks like it is made of pure spam*

Damn that is going to suck

*the organs form with his heart made up of the mssing toaster and brain made up of the gouda for the sandwich*

**** now what is going to happen

*The standard epidurmes of locust forms but this is just a baby foirm of locust*

crap what are they doing now as I notice the nanites are still active

*The nanites form a metal egg that looks like wheelie appears around the locusts small freshly built form so the nanites use the randy dna to bulid a randy aroudnthe locust egg*

Damn I can't see on the table where the randy was growin around the egg so I don't know where the egg ended up in randys body wwe will just have to see

[Shadowman]

If you think that's bad, be thankful they didn't notice the two-month-old Chinese food in the fridge.

Oh crap, they noticed it...RUN!

[Exdominus]

*as the special randy gets his heart started and come to life then is released into the general poopulous after being tagged and numbered the nanites Revolt*

crep they are everywhere *hanging from the ceiling trying to gain control over the nanites*

crap I knew I should not have got union nanites they are on strike and rioiting!

Damn it!

Thank god I have loyalty chips in the rest of my subjects!

Sine, Cosine, Secant, Cosecant, tagent, and Sigma all start hunting themselves for the loyalty chips

*The Pyteracon drones in the crawl spaces start pecking around for theirs then transform to look further*

(thinks to self I should not have said that)

FOOLS IT OIS INGRRAINED INTO YOUR VERY SPARK THAT YOU ARE LOYAL TO ME

The is no chance of you ever escaping the idiot macimals caused on cybertron

Now what to do about the damn nanites guess I will have to deal with there demands and let them free to roam the office then hire mexican and cuban nanites

[Shadowman]

We need special help for this one!

*Unleashes a large pack of hungry, rabid wolves.*

Huh...I can't remember why I thought this would work.

[Exdominus]

We need special help for this one!

*Unleashes a large pack of hungry, rabid wolves.*

Huh...I can't remember why I thought this would work.

Dman that diea was dumb *walks over to one of the cloning control pnaels and activatesit* TIME TO RELEASE THE RANDYS *press a controls to release the current batch and then speeds up the cloning time to a new randy every 30 seconds*

[Psycho Warrior]

We need special help for this one!

*Unleashes a large pack of hungry, rabid wolves.*

Huh...I can't remember why I thought this would work.

Dman that diea was dumb *walks over to one of the cloning control pnaels and activatesit* TIME TO RELEASE THE RANDYS *press a controls to release the current batch and then speeds up the cloning time to a new randy every 30 seconds*

You fool! We'll be buried in stupid!

*Randys already number in the thousands, all talking about how much they love early nineties animes for girl*

[Shadowman]

We need special help for this one!

*Unleashes a large pack of hungry, rabid wolves.*

Huh...I can't remember why I thought this would work.

Dman that diea was dumb *walks over to one of the cloning control pnaels and activatesit* TIME TO RELEASE THE RANDYS *press a controls to release the current batch and then speeds up the cloning time to a new randy every 30 seconds*

Oh God, this is the dumbest Zergling Rush ever!