The Energon Pub

PART 216

THE PLANET OF JUNK

——Tantrum shouted at the decapitated head he held between his hands.
——”Where are they?” he demanded. “Where are the Autobots?”
——“Where’s Waldo?” the head taunted. “Check the lost and found!”
——“EeRRraghh!” Tantrum threw the head away in frustration.
——A headless body lying nearby shot a grappling hook out of his forearm and retrieved the noggin from the scrap pile that it had been yeeted into. Then he retracted the grapple and replaced it with an arc welder, which he then began using to reattach his severed head.
——Tantrum was amazed, yet incensed by the Junkion’s ingenuity. He transformed into alt-mode and charged, intending to crumple the Junkion completely. He snorted and changed direction at the sight of a whole gang of them riding motorcycles toward him.
——“You’re on our turf, Buffalo Smurf!” yelled the lead Junkion. “Git along li’l doggy!”
——Tantrum had a new outlet for his anger. He charged headlong into the axe swinging motorcyclist, sending the rider flying over his back when he collided with his living mount. The other bikers rode past, covering him in a storm of cuts. Then they continued on, roaring down a road of wreckage.
——The damaged biker propped himself up against a pile of junk, laughing to himself as he rummaged around for his missing leg.
——Tantrum could barely stand, yet he pawed the ground, preparing for another charge. His four exterior fuel tanks—one mounted above each leg—were all leaking.
——“Nice friends,” snorted Tantrum. “They left you to die.”
——“Wreck-Gar’s the name!” shouted the Junkion. “Collecting and saving is my game!”
——“Hows about you change it to just Wreck?” growled the galloping Predacon.
——Wreck-Gar attached a flamethrower to his stump with the speed of a pit stop mechanic.
——“Need a light?”
——The Junkion leader raised his flamethrower-leg and lit Tantrum aflame. The burning robotic buffalo cursed and kept coming anyway. Wreck-Gar grabbed his shield.
——“Brace for impact!”
——Tantrum’s legs exploded out from under him. He reverts to robot mode, screaming in the flames with pieces of his current form either missing or melted away.
——Camouflaged within a pile of refuse, Razorclaw is ready to explode into action. He pauses at the last astrosecond when he hears the sound of singing beside his prey.
——“Youuu are not alone, I am here with you…”
——A female Junkion with a sultry voice rose slowly from the trash. Wreck-Gar stumbled upright in staged surprise.
——“Wowzers! It’s the one… THE ONLY… Nancy Wreckage!” exclaimed Wreck-Gar.
——Wreck-Gar wrenched a horn off Tantrum’s head and dropped to one knee.
——“My love, will you marry me?”
——Nancy’s optics widened. She gasped and laid a hand over her fuel pump.
——“Just say no. But I say yes, baby!” she replied, throwing her head back. “Oh, yes… yes… YESSS!”
——Wreck-Gar placed the detached horn over her ring finger. Then they both stepped onto Tantrum’s back and locked lips.
——Wreck-Gar’s motorcycle transformed holding a rusted replica of the Convenant of Primus.
——“I now pronounce you mech and wife. May you both function happily ever after.”
——“These rattletrap robots appear to be insane. Also, indestructible on their home planet,” conceded Razorclaw. “Our quarry has chosen formidable allies. Divebomb will continue to scout from the skies. The rest of us will lay low… until it is time to strike!”

(to be continued)

PART 217

——Divebomb flew high over the cliffs of Junk, attracting the attention of a guard standing below. As the sentry stared at the sky, someone slipped a hand over his mouth from behind.
——“Don’t even think about reaching for a weapon,” whispered Hot Rod.
——The Junkion looked to his right and saw the barrels of three wrist-mounted blasters pointed at his brow. Then he felt a knife pierce the back of his neck and his knees buckled.
——“That’ll hold ‘im,” Kup said, looking down at the twitching guard. “He can’t put himself back together if he’s paralyzed.”
——Hot Rod pointed his wrist blasters at the downed Junkion’s head.
——“Maybe we should terminate him, Kup. Then hide the body.”
——Kup knocked Hot Rod’s arm away.
——“What’s gotten into you, lad? The Junkions are our allies!”
——“They sure don’t act like it.”
——“They’ve fallen under a bad influence. They’re highly impressionable.”
——“This is all my fault that we’re even here, Kup.”
——“Nonsense. The Predacons ambushed our evac site on Cybertron. You didn’t know they were lying in wait. Blurr didn’t see ‘em either.”
——“Before that. When Prime battled Galvatron. Prime told me to fall back and I didn’t listen. I thought I had him, but I messed up… and Prime got hurt.”
——“You can apologize to him later if we ever make it off this planet alive. Now, shh! They’re bringing Ultra Magnus and the others out.”
——Kup and Hot Rod spied down into the valley where Swindle was about to hold court. The crowd gathered in front of his throne separated as Rubbish and Re-Cycle brought six captive Autobots in energon rings to stand trial before him.
——Springer couldn’t hide his contempt.
——“Spawn of a glitch—! Swindle, is that Devcon the bounty hunter’s head you’ve got on the end of your scepter!?”
——“Yup.” Swindle rotated it so that the Autobots could see the atrocity from all angles. “You like it? It’s one of a kind. I’d offer to sell it to you for a good price if I wasn’t about to sentence you to death!”
——“So what’s even the point of all this, Swindle?” heckled Rollbar. “Get on with it!”
——“NoNoNo,” protested Blurr. “NoRush! TakeYourTime!”
——“I’m more curious to how all of THIS happened,” inquired Perceptor.
——“Me too,” replied Arcee. “The last we heard, Swindle, you were Devcon’s prisoner!”
——“Oh, that idiot crash landed here unable to speak, so I spoke for him! After a few conversations I had with some of the more enterprising Junkions on this planet, they put my bumper on a throne and Devcon’s head on a spike!”
——“In other words,” deduced Ultra Magnus. “You scammed them.”
——“Hey! Hey! Watch your mouth! I’m an honest, law abiding ruler of Junk now. If Wreck-Gar wants to ride around all day playing the rebel, that’s fine with me, but I’m the people’s choice! AND in keeping with planetary customs, I’ve even built myself a bride. I had some of the bots help me put her together, then I gave her the Spark that I had rolling around in my glove compartment. Say hello to Trash, folks!”
——A spindly Junkion with a cheetah print painted torso, two breast-mounted missiles, a white face, and a red head stepped forward.
——“Do you ever fantasize… about being killed?” she asked her captive audience.

(to be continued)

PART 218

5 minutes ago

——Divebomb discovered Rampage sitting in front of a large screen TV, headbanging to heavy metal in an open-air living room. The mechanical eagle reconfigured to robot mode and landed behind his recliner.
——“I’ve found the Autobots. Come, Rampage. It is time to go.”
——“I’ve decided to sit this hunt out. I’m watching Cold Slither! They truly are the universe’s most talented musicians!”
——Divebomb leveled his particle beam rifle at the TV.
——“NOW, you oversized trash goblin.”
——“I said No!”
——Divebomb pulled the trigger and the TV exploded. Rampage transformed, intent on killing him for the offense.
——Divebomb converted and took to the air, soaring out of harm’s way before his parts could be pounced upon.
——“Save that aggression for the Autobots! Follow me!”
——The tiger bounded after him, angrily navigating an endless maze of miscellaneous junk below.

2 minutes ago

——Divebomb transformed and dropped down in front of a sheet of rusted metal.
——“Where are the Autobots?!” snarled Rampage.
——Divebomb held up his hand to ward off an imminent attack by his triggered teammate.
——“Hold on. I have hidden something here.”
——“It had better be good.”
——”It is.”
——Divebomb pulled back the sheet to reveal what was left of Tantrum.
——“I concealed Tantrum so that the Junkions would not strip him. I planned on returning here to devour him at some point, but unfortunately the formation of Predaking has become necessary to achieve our goal.”
——“We should eat him anyway,” replied Rampage, as he prowled Tantrum’s prone body. “He’s had this coming for a long time.”
——Tantrum slammed his fist on the ground. “Oh, yeah?! You creeps just try it! I’ll stomp you out!”
——“With what?” snickered Rampage.
——Divebomb resumed his previous form. “Enough,” he said, grabbing Tantrum with his talons. “Hopefully we’ll get an opportunity to feast upon him in the future. Right now we have to rendezvous with Razorclaw.”

(to be continued)