The Energon Pub

Fri Dec 04, 2009 10:20 am

Maybe an odd question.

I'm writing this story, and I'm stuck trying to figure out what you call that cloud of breath that you see when you breathe in winter. I know why that is: it's because the air from your warm lungs mixes with the cold winter (among some other stuff going on in the background), but I can't just title it some scientific name. I need a two-word title, something short, and I'm racking my brain looking for it.

I have a few ideas, but I won't list them because I don't want to influence anyone. Does anyone have any idea??

News Credits: 129 · Fri Dec 04, 2009 10:49 am

From a writer's perspective, it's not something I would name, it's more of an action I would describe.

I know that's not what you're looking for exactly, but it's just the breath being released. The cold air action or the reason for the exhale are what is important.

Fri Dec 04, 2009 11:10 am

Counterpunch wrote:I know that's not what you're looking for exactly, but it's just the breath being released. The cold air action or the reason for the exhale are what is important.

In this case, I just want an observation. There's no emotion behind it; he's just breathing it out.

News Credits: 9 · Fri Dec 04, 2009 5:17 pm

Why not "winter breath"?

FWIW, it's not so much the warmth of your breath, it's the moisture that causes that phenomenon. The moisture condenses as it hits the cold outside air and forms a fog of sorts. "Winter fog"? *shrug*

Fri Dec 04, 2009 5:41 pm

Winter breath makes me think he's been chewing gum.

News Credits: 3 · Sun Dec 06, 2009 8:12 pm

When I see winter breath i call it Frickin cold, thats what I call it

News Credits: 1 · Sun Dec 06, 2009 8:19 pm

Just describe it. It sounds better to imply than to simply state:

"He breathed a warm steam into the frigid air, dissipating almost instantly"

"He breathed winter breath because it was cold"

Sun Dec 06, 2009 8:27 pm

The point is it's not really the breath I want to focus on. I want to mention it in passing. That's it, that's all.

Sun Dec 06, 2009 9:38 pm

it might be easier for us to help if you tell us what leads up to this point.

Sun Dec 06, 2009 9:58 pm

Nightbird2.0 wrote:it might be easier for us to help if you tell us what leads up to this point.

It wouldn't, but if you need it: people are outside at a football game. Later they'll be outside waiting for a bus or having a smoke or just walking. That's all. I don't see how that makes a difference, but there it is. Any emotion is already covered by other description. The breath is as important as scenery, but I just want a name for it. Seriously. That's all. I'm not trying to impress upon readers the Shakespearen intricacies of why someone is breathing this winter breath. There's snow, people have mittens, and people are breathing ______. By this token, I'd describe the emotions behind why they're shivering in the cold. No character emotion is tied to what they're breathing. The important thing isn't the exhalation. Going into detail about what it is is just padding the story with words. There are things you DO want to go into detail about, and there are things you don't. This is one of those don'ts. If you go into detail about everything, the story is going to be about a million pages and the important stuff is going to be lost and ineffective.

Pretend you're trying to tell me what to call a tree. All I need to do is name this thing. I think people are thinking way too hard about this.

News Credits: 1452 · Sun Dec 06, 2009 10:05 pm

We Canadians call it Mist. Or at least I do. >_>

News Credits: 3 · Sun Dec 06, 2009 10:16 pm

We could call it chuck. or tom. tom is a nice name

In california we call it smog, but then again everything is smoggy.

We could call it Broseidon king of the Brocean

Sun Dec 06, 2009 10:18 pm

Name_Violation wrote:We could call it Broseidon king of the Brocean

It's not king. More of an archduke, but that's besides the point because of its recent banishment.

Sun Dec 06, 2009 10:51 pm

well from what you said leads up to the position of the word your looking for, the best way i would do it is re-write the scentence completely.

e.i. Its snowing, people have their mittens on, and their breath can be seen from the cold.

or something along those lines. not to detailed but you still get to input the fact that there is quote unquote "winter breath"

Tue Dec 08, 2009 6:58 am

'Misting breath' sounds right to me. No blatant halitosis connotations.

Tue Dec 08, 2009 3:25 pm

Condensation.

Tue Dec 08, 2009 5:28 pm

The inner soul trying to escape.

News Credits: 34 · Wed Dec 09, 2009 12:42 am

Huh. Can't seem to find the scientific name for it.

Though it seems to be just water vapors. :CON:

Wed Dec 09, 2009 6:32 am

Yeah, it's pretty hard to name. Despite that, I'm surprised someone hasn't come up with a name for it already. Thanks for the suggestions. I think I'll see if I can come up with something from these. I had wintry condensation vapour before, and before that cold smoke, but thought the first was a bit rambling and the second didn't sit right.

And if it's my soul trying to escape I'm in big frigging trouble.