The Ultimate Caption Contest
Tracks tells Optimus Prime something
158 hilarious transmissions have been received from across the galaxy...
trailbreaker says:
“Please Prime, show me how you dribble that basketball again. I have some Earth girls I wanna impress.”
trailbreaker says:
“ PLEASE Prime, let me borrow another $20 for a wax job! I’m good for it !!”
Optimustard says:
Just one sniff of cocainergon or we will have to change your name from tracks to cranks. And remember only the first one is free. Now grab your dollar bill and roll out!
BG the Robit says:
Tracks: Optimus, look over there! *touches Optimus's bicep and sighs*
Angelbot says:
Prime, before we left Cybertron I had a crush on Firestar. Please don't tell Inferno.
LadysMan217 says:
Optimus pleaseeeeee letsss gooooooo, i dont have a good feeling abouth thisssssss, and I think I Lubercated on myself
Scatterlung says:
Come on, Prime. It's just a one off payment and then the YMCA'll let me in for free.
Backspace says:
Tracks: Hei, Primo. I forgot my script. What's yours, it might help.(whispering)
Prime: Well, it has something to do with ......... (mumbling)
Tracks: ?????
Flame Cheetor says:
Prime:Tracks, I'm sending you to kill Starscream!
Tracks:But Prime, I need to go and pee!
Prime:Aww, alright, go pee first!You're lucky that peeing is the right of all sentient beings!
battlestrike says:
tracks: i smell something burnig.prime:yeah i...uh..kinda blasted some people
tracks:WHAT!
prime:what, they were screaming to loud
starscream_the_eternal says:
"Optimus I need to grab another pair of pants, I think I just sharted a little."
Roadshadow says:
Tracks: Prime! I accidentally squashed a few criminals, what do I do?
Prime:...
Tracks: You're high aren't you.
Prime: YEP!
Unknown says:
optimus, you gotta help me man, they're after me. man, i can here em'. quick! hide me!
Unknown says:
tracks:i need to go bad!!!!!!!
optimus:aaahhh tracks u do know your a robot
tracks:aaahhhh maybe
optimus:christ what now r u going to tell me grimlock is femalebot grimlock take off that lipstick
Unknown says:
Tracks:I like to whisper, but sometimes i dont know what to whisper so I pretend to whisper.
(whispers randomly)
Optimus:Ooooookkkkkayyyyyy.How about somemore playing in the junkyard?
Tracks:Yaaaaayyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!Maybe Demolisher wil want to wrestle!
SilentBlaster says:
Tracks:I wanna ride the pony.
Oprtimus:Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z
1337W422102 says:
"Hey Prime, I just saved a bunch of Energon on my altmode insurance by switching to Geicobot!"
Just Negare says:
It was Prowl who used your coffee mug... don't stare... he's looking at us!!
Soda Pop Kurtis says:
Tracks you know better than to lick my smokestacks in the winter time.
stonegargoyle says:
Prime cant we clone Dinobot from the claw fragment we found? I'd like to see him in action again.
NOBODY LOVES WHEELIE says:
Prime,"Why is it every time you come to me with evidence of a Decepticon plot it always involves us going to see an Andrew Loydd Weber musical?"
taylorbaby says:
optimus, look at me, why are you being this way, i thought we had something special.
OPTIMUS: ha ha what a fag!
Shadowblade_DW says:
Tracks: Prime, Prime, Sir, I just pissed off grimlock. I need you to calm him down!
Prime: Not now Tracks. I need to work on my pose for the movie poster.
Marv says:
Yeah it sucks that Elita 1 didn't wait for you and got married while you were on Earth. But put yourself in her shoes for a minute! I mean, you were away for four million years!
snavej says:
Tracks: So then we put all the Zoids and Bionicles in a big pit and let them fight until they tear each other to pieces. After that, we can dominate much more shelf space in the stores.
Prime: Sounds like my kind of plan! Tracks, you can be the bait
snavej says:
While Tracks explained, at great length, the joys of owning so many Beanie Babies, Optimus devised a complex and brilliant plan to totally defeat the Decepticons. Coincidentally, this plan involved the destruction of all Earth's Beanie Babies (and F
snavej says:
Tracks: Daniel and Wheelie have written their tag names all over your back, in permanent ink.
Prime: Don't remove it. That sort of thing helps me to blend in better here on Earth.
Tracks: What about all this nasty stuff from someone called �
snavej says:
Prime: Do you think it would be a good idea for me to climb the Empire State Building? It would be a good workout!
Tracks: I'm just removing the Decepticon's Dumbifier chip now. Hold on a minute.
snavej says:
Tracks: Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum are trying to attack us with a computer virus, like in that film 'ID4: Independence Day'!
Prime: Too many blockbusters can impair your sanity. Is this actually happening?
Tracks: Yes!
Prime: Hah, mo
Pokejedservo says:
Tracks: Prime help me! The Yaoi fangirls are after me again! Prime: Eh with all due respect and not to be a phobe but shouldn't you hide behind someone like Arcee? Tracks: Ehhhh... Why didn't I think of that?
SaDiablo says:
"Oh god I don't think I can hold it any longer."
Tinkle tinkle tinkle
"Damn it man I just had myself waxed!"
Ransom says:
Tracks: (sniff) What wax did you use, Prime?
Optimus: Oh, um...
Tracks: It's alright, I'll stay next to you until you remember.
Optimus: (thinking to himself) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Road Turtle says:
Tracks, "Prime, I've got cannons on the top of my head. This look is so passe'!"
Prime, "Really, I should have stayed dead."
Prowl's Girl says:
Tracks: But Prime, how can they think I'm gay? I don't even know what sex is! I'm telling you, these Earth people have the wierdest ideas.
Prime: It's true, but despite their faults, we will protect thier lives so that they may con
Lich Lord Dranas says:
T: Prime,what are you staring at?
OP: Just these humans trying to make sense of this scene on some website known as Seibertron.com.
Powermaster Jazz says:
"Hey, Prime! Ratchet's been looking at Elita-One's Playbot spread while pluging himself into the console."
"That bastard!"
"But I ain't one to gossip, so you didn't hear it from me."
ninjabot says:
Tracks: Hey Prime check out the chasis on Carly, bet she can really handle a drive-shaft.
Prime: Yeah, thats why Spike is always sleepy.
snavej says:
Tracks: So I was driving through the monkey area in the safari park when I got monkey spunk on my windshield. I can't remove the stain. What should I do?
Prime: Ask Megatron to burn it off with his fusion cannon and don't go to any more saf
snavej says:
Tracks: Optimus, have you ever, you know, done it?
Prime (takes a long, stern look at Tracks): No.
Tracks: Why not, if I may be so bold?
Prime: Because anyone who gets within firing range of my mighty wang DIES! Bwaahaahaahaa! Start driving, Tr
snavej says:
Tracks: Optimus, am I a real man? I truly want to be!
Prime: I'm no expert. Ask someone better qualified like Robocop, Commander Data or Gender Bender Betty from Birmingham.
Tracks: What if they say I'm not a real man?
Prime: Sit in a
snavej says:
Prime: This is a good film, isn't it? Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith!
Tracks: My favourite character is C-3PO, for some reason.
Prime: When I grow up, I want to be Master Yoda! Green, extremely potent, rendered in CGI.
Tracks: The force is
Acelister says:
Tracks: "Don't let anyone know... But I'm thinking of asking Ratchet to go out with me..."
Optimus: "... Are you a homosexual?"
Tracks: "Ratchet isn't a fem?!"
Optimus: "Why did we dig you out...?&quo
snavej says:
Prime: Tracks, just because your bodywork has been scratched doesn't mean that you can mooch around the base. Go and attack the Decepticons. The future of the galaxy is at stake!
Tracks: Prime, it's super scary out there: lasers and big exp
Acelister says:
Tracks: "Please Optimus, I need to borrow Roller..."
Optimus: "I told you last time, you're not allowed to conduct Satanic rituals using my Trailer components!"
Tracks: "But we have a REAL virgin sacrifice this time!"
NOBODY LOVES WHEELIE says:
Tracks,"Prime Spike was showing me how to high five,and I sorta acidentally landed on him........Is all that red stuff bad?"
NOBODY LOVES WHEELIE says:
Tracks,"Ratchet says he won't buffy my body."
Prime,"Ask Grapple or Hoist,I'd bet they'd be more than happy to help."
NOBODY LOVES WHEELIE says:
Tracks,"Bumblebee headbutted me in the groin."
Prime,"Owwuch that smarts!"
NOBODY LOVES WHEELIE says:
Tracks,"Whoaaaa Prime check out the backside on that Transformer."
Prime,"Tracks. That's Scourge."
Tracks,"Yeah I know. Dreamy isn't he."
Prime,"Take your hand off me,and take two steps back.NOW!"
NOBODY LOVES WHEELIE says:
Tracks,"I shot myself in the face with my own black beam gun. I think I'm blind!"
Prime,"Frigg'n moron."
Dr Buffalo says:
Okay Tracks, now show me where the scary monsters are, because I can't see any in your closet.
TundraTRX says:
TRACKS: Prime, you know, I love you man.
PRIME: You're not getting my can of liquid Energon, Tracks.
NOBODY LOVES WHEELIE says:
Tracks,"Ah Prime do you..(snicker)..have a license to sell hot dogs?"
Prime,"No why?"
Kevinus Prime says:
"Prime, I found this in Carley's night stand. What's it for?"
(CLICK)BUZZZZZZZZZZ......
"Never mind!"
Kevinus Prime says:
"Prime, I found this in Carley's night stand. What's it for?"
(CLICK)
Kevinus Prime says:
Optimus: "Wha..? Gay robot porn on Teletran One?"
Tracks: "Oopsie!"
trailbreaker says:
Tracks -- "Prime, you'll never guess what I caught Spike and Carly doing!!"
snavej says:
Prime: Tracks, get down to Boston immediately and stop Bombshell from enslaving the Mayor with a cerebro-shell.
Tracks: As soon as I've sniffed enough of these fumes! Oh wow, far out! Green gorillas and purple bats!
snavej says:
Tracks: Prime, do you shave your chest?
Prime: Don't be ridiculous, of course not! Why are you even asking me that?
Tracks: Well, I notice that your windshield wipers are missing. Perhaps you wax. I go to this lovely place down on 15th and 3
snavej says:
Prime: You shouldn't fool around with blow torches! Now we're stuck together until Ratchet gets here.
Tracks: Never mind, now I've got a few minutes to tell you my many suspicions about the Earth TV show 'Sesame Street'.
[P
snavej says:
Tracks: Cosmos said that he saw a UFO when he was on patrol in Earth orbit. Do you think there really are aliens out there, Optimus?
Prime: Yes, I do. They may be closer than you think!
Tracks: Where?
Prime: There's one behind you!
Trac
Massdestruction says:
TRACKS: Behold the cave of Caerbannog!
PRIME: Right! Keep me covered.
TRACKS: Too late!
PRIME: What?
TRACKS: There he is!
PRIME: Where?
TRACKS: There!
PRIME: What, behind the petro-rabbit?
TRACKS: It is the petro-rabbit!
PRIME:
snavej says:
Tracks: I saw this really disturbing documentary on that British TV network BBC. There were these techno-organic beings picking up communications 24/7, living in an underground bunker surrounded by giant petro-rabbits on a strange planet covered in green
Road Turtle says:
Tracks, "The base is being over run by Decepticons and Magnus says he can't deal with it! Prime?!"
Prime, "Sshh! My show's on!"
Road Turtle says:
Tracks, "I just saw Magnus with out his armor, and he looks just like you!"
Prime, "Oh my God! I'm surrounded by frikk'n idiots!"
Road Turtle says:
Tracks, "Prime, I'm an Autobot with an Aerialbot trying to get out! Please let have my mode change opperation! For the love of Primus I already have the wings!"
Prime, "I'm telling you Tracks, Jetfire's not going to pay a
snavej says:
Prime: That actor Keanu Reeves climbed out of my chest the other day. He said that he'd been in the Matrix.
Tracks: Well, he's not getting into our movie is he, Prime?
Prime: He might - he's much better grossing than you.
Tracks:
snavej says:
Prime: We finally got you a part in the new movie.
Tracks: About time.
Prime: Your character will be known as 'Autobot totally obliterated by Decepticon gunfire no. 3425179085436205723'.
Tracks: [sobs on Prime's shoulder, gets smok
snavej says:
Prime: I asked a foxy fembot for an intimate interface but she said I was four million years too old.
Tracks: Premium unleaded eases the pain.
snavej says:
Prime: I can fit my entire personality on a 1.44Mb computer disk: beat that!
Tracks: I'm voting for Grimlock at the next Autobot leader election in 2008.
snavej says:
Tracks: Hey paleface, I give you big heap scrap metal, you give me energon body scrub.
Prime: Get back to the reservation and drink yourself stupid, redskin!
Air Dawg says:
Tracks: I heard that Kurt Angle is facing Hulk Hogan next week.
Prime: Who cares? Wrestling's fake anyway.
snavej says:
Tracks: In some of your imminent makeovers, they're going to turn you into a monkey!
Prime (laughs): Ha! No one has the power to do that!
Tracks: The scriptwriters do: they can change our entire universe with a few words!
Prime: Curses! Be
snavej says:
Prime: All night, I lie in my original 1980's packaging with its superb picture of me, stylish design and soft styrofoam inner bed.
Tracks: Someone threw away my box. When I find out who did it, I'll tickle them with my tiny missiles!
snavej says:
Prime: I don't know why we bother.
Tracks: What do you mean?
Prime: Vector Prime told me that we're both going to die in a Decepticon assault in 2005.
Tracks: We're over half way through 2005 now. There's still hope!
Prime
snavej says:
Tracks: Optimus, I'm going to cruise the streets of New York for 29 years, looking cool and having happy adventures. That's OK, isn't it? After all, as you keep saying, freedom is the right of all sentient beings!
Prime: Sure, and I ha
Acelister says:
Tracks: "Prime... Is that...?"
Optimus: "Yes it is..."
Tracks: "What should we do...?"
Optimus: "Just don't move..."
terrordive2020 says:
Prime I scored us two fembots for tonight, you are into big girls right?
NOBODY LOVES WHEELIE says:
Tracks,"Prime can I have a cookie?"
Prime,"You can have a knee to the groin."
Tracks,"Mmmmmmmm OK just as good!"
Prime,"Right then."
CLANG!
Tracks,"ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
Prime,"Hah! Y
NOBODY LOVES WHEELIE says:
Tracks,"Filthy Jawas I simply can not...."
Prime,"Forget it Tracks. Your not in the movie."
Tracks,"But...Prime. I coulda been somebody.I coulda been a contenda."
Screambug says:
Tracks: Priiiiimmmmmeeeee!!! Jazz jumped me and painted my face all red!
Prime: Shimmer down. Your face have always been red.
Tracks: Really? Then my face SHOULD be red; I feel so embarrassed!
TundraTRX says:
TRACKS: Prime, I gotta tell you about what I saw Wheelie and Ironhide doing together. It just ain't right!
PRIME: Tracks, don't worry, I know. Who do you think got them together?
TRACKS: Prime, no wonder Hot Rod eventually got the Matrix.
Massdestruction says:
Tracks: "Please Prime, let me be in the movie."
Prime: "I told you before, as long as George W is in the whitehouse, we can't have characters like you in a kid's movie."
Tracks: "That's discriminating! I'
snavej says:
Tracks: Girl! I wanna take you to a gay bar!
Prime: Ssh, this is my time for staring into space!
Tracks: Can you at least tell me who's in the closet?
Prime [sends file by wifi connection]: Here's the list - it's at least 1000 pag
snavej says:
Tracks: I'm low on energon rations and I need a lift to the body shop. Could you take me?
Prime: Sorry, I'm busy staring into space but Ultra Magnus could take you. [Radios] Magnus, take Tracks to the body shop again.
Magnus: I can'
Roadshadow says:
Optimus: Have you seen that giant plushie cow on the TV?
Tracks: No, but do you know that your ass is hot?
Optimus:....
snavej says:
Tracks: I had this bizarre dream where they turned me into a black, convertible Corvette, put Ravage's head on my shoulders and code-named me 'BT-11'.
Prime: We had enough weird dream stories last week, thank you!
snavej says:
Prime: You know, everyone should have a hobby to distract them from everyday cares. I like lying motionless in a large space ship. That got me through the last 4 million years!
Tracks: Personally, I prefer hovering inside a crystal. 4 million years
snavej says:
Tracks: Protect me Optimus, the Decepticons made fun of my very small missiles and said they would beat me up after school!
Prime: That's it, I'm going on a heroic solo mission to flush every Decepticon's head down the toilet!
snavej says:
Prime: Tracks, do you have any idea why the barrel of my laser rifle stinks today?
Tracks: Umm...
Prime: You sicken me!
Marv says:
When Prime and Tracks saw the camouflage scheme Megatron had picked for his appearance in the G2 comic, they didn't lnow whether to laugh, to symphatise or to worry about their own impending makeovers...
Marv says:
Uh oh! Prime, you're looking sad! That's a bad thing, right? What's so bad? Are we going to die? What is it? you can tell me, I can handle it! I'm as tough as nails and...wait, no i'm not. I can't handle it, I'll go to p
Marv says:
I don't know Tracks...taking care of a Minicon is a great responsibility. And we already have a couple of pet oil rig workers around the base...
Marv says:
...and then, the kitten died...I had become really attached to it because I myself had never been loved. But all my father had to say was that I was an autobot and that Autobots don't cry, and he slapped me until I stopped crying...
snavej says:
Tracks: Now that you've single-handedly eliminated all the crime in New York, the police are bored witless.
Prime: They'll be fine. There are plenty of jobs in fast food!
Marv says:
I'm so confused! Why are there a yellow and a blue Binaltech version of me? Why? What does it mean?
Marv says:
No Tracks, like I said a gazillion times before: I am NOT going to pull your damn finger!
Marv says:
Hm...and you're absolutely certain you're the father? Well, you're in trouble then!
Marv says:
...but, but I'm getting a new paintjob this afternoon! Why can't I get the day off?
snavej says:
Tracks: I don't think this acupuncture is any good for Transformers, Prime. The needles just can't penetrate your titanium steel ass!
Prime: We'll just have to stick to electro-convulsive therapy, then. Gimme 60,000 volts!
snavej says:
Tracks: I gotta take a leak!
Prime: You'll have to wait till the next service station on Moonbase Number One!
snavej says:
Tracks: The Decepticons are raping and pillaging their way through Berlin, Prime! What are we going to do?
Prime: Those unoriginal pipe-lickers! Let's nuke them from orbit!
Tracks: But...won't somebody please think of the children?
Pr
snavej says:
Tracks: That War of the Worlds films was a bit boring, wasn't it?
Prime: Yeah, been there, done that, so many times. Don't get me started on Herbie.
Tracks: Bumblebee was the lead character in that!
Prime: Was he? That moonlighter; I&
snavej says:
Tracks: Optimus, you say that we should all live together in harmony. Does that make you a communist?
Prime: No, I am actually a tool of imperialists, nationalists, corporations and some sports teams: red, white and blue colours, you see!
Tracks: C
thexfile says:
Tracks : Optimus did you here that ??? that sound...It's lightening....They are comming...
They are gooing to kil us all.....Quik hide me (uses optimus as a "human" shield)
Optimus Prime :Tracks how many times do i have to tel you... If
Jaw Crusher says:
Though the other Autobots found Tracks' bootlicking hilarious, for Optimus it brought only an aching, lonely night in the showers afterwards, curled up in a corner, holding himself in chills and crying out Ariel's name where the drizzle of clean
snavej says:
Tracks (in pain): OK, I'll be more professional in future! You can stop grabbing me so hard down there now!
Prime: When I'm good and ready. As long as this isn't in shot, I can get away with it!
snavej says:
Tracks: The Decepticons will be here any minute. How do I look?
Prime (not bothering to look): Fine.
Tracks: Thank you, Optimus! I'd hate to look like scrap in front of those hunky bad boys!
Prime: FOR PRIMUS' SAKE, GET YOUR FRAKKING
snavej says:
Tracks: Someone stole my 'Sex and the City' DVDs. I'm so angry that I'm going to puke!
Prime: No problem, all the surfaces in here are wipe-clean stainless steel. Wheelie, can you come in here for a minute?
snavej says:
Tracks: Vector Prime tells me that lots of sarcastic fanboys are putting words in my mouth! What can we do?
Prime: Absolutely nothing. At least you have a mouth. Look at me! Four million years like this: it's no joke, I tell you.
snavej says:
Tracks: Can Sunstreaker and I watch our 'Sex and the City' DVDs?
Prime: You'll have to do it on super fast forward. Megatron specified that his surprise attack would begin at dawn.
snavej says:
Tracks: I know the fans wanted long smokestacks but one of yours is about to go up my nose!
Prime: Relax, I'm going to use my smoke to fumigate your dirty robosexual brain!
Tracks: Won't that make my incredibly large and stylish stickers f
snavej says:
Prime (whispers): Tracks, I've just had a very interesting talk with Vector Prime. I want you to kill that punk kid Hot Rod. Make it look like an accident.
Tracks: With pleasure, sir! He's been upstaging me for too long!
snavej says:
Tracks: Prime, I met this guy from the future called Vector Prime. He said that you're going to get dozens of makeovers in the next 30 years!
Prime: So? I can handle it!
Tracks: But I don't want you to bear that unnecessary burden! Let&
Acelister says:
Tracks: "Prime... Why do some of us have weapons attatched to our very chasis, but you, the most powerful Autobot, doesn't...?"
Optimus: "Well... I've never thought about it..."
luevanoalx says:
TRACKS:PSST....PRIME.....CAN I TAKE ELITA TO THE PROM????
PRIME:...?????!!!!!!!...
PRIME:CAN I KICK MYOUR REAR BUMPER???
TRACKS:.....????IS THAT A YES????
PRIME:D'OH!!!
Acelister says:
Prime: "You sure look red faced, ho ho ho!"
Tracks was later seen burying something red, blue and grey in the desert. Prime was never seen again.
Acelister says:
Tracks: "Prime, what are your plans for when you die?"
Optimus: "Well, I want to take you, Hoist and Wheeljack with me to whatever mausoleum they put me in."
Tracks: "What?!"
Acelister says:
Tracks: "Prime, you've got a little..."
Optimus: "I know, someone flicked it at me while I was outside..."
Tracks: "No, I mean you've got a little..."
Prime: "The paint on my skidplate, right?"
Tracks:
Road Turtle says:
Tracks, "...but Prime I can't stand duty tonight, I'm the lead car carrying the Grand Marshal in tomarrows Pride Parade! Do you even know who the Grand Marshal is?! Carson Kressley, Prime! Carson Kressley! The man's a national hero!&q
Ratbat says:
Optimus, are you SURE you want me to go out there? I'd HATE for my new deep-blue paint job to be ruined!
NOBODY LOVES WHEELIE says:
Tracks,"Pssst, Peter Jennings died."
Optimus,"You know for a second there I woulda put money on the 1st post being a gay joke."
