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Transformers (2007)
This is where it all began. For me, this wasn't just a the first live action Transformers movie. It was something more. I had the distinct privilege of being one of the first in the world to see the movie as I scored a pass to the world premiere in Sydney Australia. All it cost was airfare and accommodation (roughly $800AU). Didn't need to catch a cab as I had a second ticket and shared it with a friend down there in return for picking me up.
So there we were on a cold June evening in Sydney, lining up outside of Fox Studios watching the "celebrities" (I use that word loosely because they were most Australian reality TV stars) file into the two theatres. The biggest names of course was Australian actress Rachel Taylor, Megan Fox, and the man himself, Michael Bay. Bay himself introduced the movie.
A guy from the bush travelled half a country to world wide premiere of a Hollywood blockbuster introduced by the Director himself.
Yeah, that was a big thing to me.
We were of course, sworn to secrecy. We weren't allowed to discuss the movie publicly until it opened worldwide two weeks later.
But enough about me bragging. The movie itself when I re-watched it last night. You know what? It's still a pretty good movie. I've lost count the number of times I've watched it. Bumblebee peeing on Simmons? Yeah, that was accompanied with a "bloody fanboys STILL bring that up on the forums" comment to my partner. She was amazed by this.
Get over it already guys!
Sitting there watching it, there are so many lines I can recite. Heck, "English dude!" has become a every day saying for me.
I enjoyed it back in the day, and I do enjoy it now. It's aged well. And for those curious, yes my partner did enjoy it.
The sad part was when the credits rolled and I came to the realisation that from here on out ... it slowly gets worse.
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Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
And so a week passes (yeah I'm late in writing this up) and we move onto the second movie, Revenge of the Fallen.
Short review ... much of the same.
The majority of the original cast returns, but we meet a few new Autobots and Decepticons. Megatron is rebuilt and resurrected, except for his dodgy arm, and we find out that he's not the big bad we all thought he was, but was actually a lackey himself.
To me, that felt like one of the big contradictions between the first and second. Megatron was talked up as the big bad in the first movie, like REALLY big bad, there was no one higher than him, but then we find out he's actually working for The Fallen. ehhh I dunno, something always felt off about that to me.
We see more female butt, and some cookies with interesting ingredients. We get two dogs humping and two men with their pants down. Continuing the theme of twos (it was the second movie after all), we get a set of twins who really stirred the goats of the fanbase because of their (alleged) racial stereotyping.
And let's not forget two wrecking balls dangling.
Yeah, it felt like they really ramped up the the lame humour for this one.
We had a bunch of construction vehicles combine into one big robot, and duplicates of those construction vehicles also running around shooting things.
And let's not forget the the biggest most obvious "plot twist" coming ... the death of Optimus Prime.
Although most of us knew he'd be back later anyway thanks to the macguffin of the movie.
Aside from the introduction of The Matrix and the exploration of The Primes mythology, there was nothing to set this movie aside from the first one.
It was what it was, a generic, vanilla flavoured sequel.
With two dogs humping, two pantsless men and two dangling wrecking balls...
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Transformers:Dark of the Moon
And so things get worse ...
Megan Fox has jumped off the band wagon, as have writers Orci & Kurtzman with Ehren Kruger given writing duties.
The eye candy from the first two movies has been replaced by more eye candy in the form of model-turned casting coucher-turned actress Rosie Huntington-Whatever.
Sam's still there, as are his parents. Yay!
Look, overall, I didn't mind the movie. It was a punch to the feels when Ironhide was slaughtered, so **** you Sentinel Prime. Why are Sentinel Primes such jerks? Now that I think about it, Primes in general seem to be jerks, even the ones on the forums.
But I digress.
Megatron is once again, not the big bad. Nope, he's gone from big bad to lackey to cohort. Geez, what's next for him? Oh yeah ...
Some things haven't changed though, like a bunch of bots that just didn't get much screen time. On the plus side, they got rid of the Twins.
Oh and hey, some consistency at least! Optimus still has the Matrix, which he's happy to off-load.
We also get a bit more mythology in the form of The Ark and a space bridge.
But seriously ... Megatron and Sentinels plan to rebuild Cybertron is to use human slave labour? Even G1 Megatrons plans weren't that whack-a-doodle.
There's no real memorable personal experience for me when it comes to this movie, it's interesting, by this stage it had become apparent that I was no longer watching these movies multiple times. The first one I saw in the cinema four times, the second, three times, and the third one twice. All of which have also had multiple home viewings, but my interest in watching them in cinemas has waned.
Oh, and the fanboys still pissed and moaned about the flames on Optimus Prime, the poor storyline, the explosions ... I guess we've got better chance of Michael Bay leaving than the fanboys shutting up.
Onwards, and ... downwards.
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Transformers:Age of Extinction
And so we make it to the fourth movie in the franchise. I was really hyped up for this movie, so much so I took the day off, I even stayed in the city the night before so I wouldn't be too tired from the drive (90km's / 1 hour) to catch the first showing at 10am. I even decided to hit up the VMax (not quite IMax but bigger than a normal screen) screening, something I'd never done before.
Well ... I really wasn't prepared for the length of the movie, and for what was supposed to be the premium movie theatre, the seats were incredibly uncomfortable. I was happy to see the credits, not just so I could get away from those seats, but to get away from a movie that just dragged on for so long.
How much did I not like this movie? When I got my Blu-ray copy out earlier, it was literally fresh out of the package. Never used before.
I'd watched the movie once. As I said before, with each passing movie I watched them less and less.
I bought it on Blu-ray because, well, I'm a fan, plain and simple. I just couldn't bring myself to watch it again.
Until now.
It's still a long movie. It doesn't help when you're fighting off a head cold either. But at least I had comfortable seating and could move around all I want.
That being said, second time around ... it wasn't that bad. The big plus for this movie was the introduction of Lockdown and his gun-face. That's now a thing.
Did I care Ratchet died (well not really dead I suppose)? nah, by this stage most of us had forgotten him anyway.
Sam is out and Cade is in. The wannabe actress is out (who knows what she's doing these days) and another blonde that's done just as much is in. (Admittedly before I gave up watching Bates Motel she was doing a damn good job). Plus that bloke from Deadpool who suffers perhaps the most graphic human death ever in these movies.
And then there's the bad guys. Kelsey Grammer is such an awesome villain, he didn't even need to do Sideshow Bob. Then there's the boss of KSI who is supposed to be bad but then ends up good ... turns out he's intended to be the comedic relief. Yeah okay.
Oh and we thought Lockdown was going to be the big bad, until *cue dramatic music* some tosser called Galvatron comes along, though *cue even more dramatic music* it's just Megatron with a new body, and he really doesn't do much.
Much like the previous movies where he's been overshadowed by another big bad.
Then there's some Knights garbage, can't see that going anywhere, some big metallic dinosaurs, because all kids love dinosaurs, and then once all is said and done, Optimus **** off to space to stick it to his Maker. That probably won't go anywhere either.
(I haven't seen The Last Knight yet so spare me the spoilers)
All in all, just another Transformers movie, one then went on too damn long.
ONWARDS WE GO!
Maybe. Depending on how I feel tomorrow. Though I do want my Trypticon ...