The Energon Pub

So, this week I've been inundated with reminders that that blond bimbo who lurks on the boundaries of my childhood, is now 50 years old. I get that Toys R Us wants me to care. I don't get why the major news outlets are desperate for me to care, too.

Barbie was designed, if memory serves, after a German sexy-doll Lilli, and has been giving little girls completely unrealistic notions of what they should look like and what they should want ever since. Pink Corvette? Yes. Gunsafe? No. Not even with marabou trim. Be a stewardess? Yes. Be an investment banker? No. Get married? Yes, yes, yes! Find an independent identity that does not codependently anchor to a man? What kind of lesbo crazy talk is that?!

Now, what's weird is when I was young, GI Joe was one dude. He was a half inch taller than Barbie (b/c, like, god forbid a woman be taller than a man!). He also had 'fashion'--changes of clothes like his arctic parka and his desert fatigues. But when you stripped him down to change his clothes, you would discover this: SOMEONE had gone through a lot of trouble to injection mold plastic briefs onto Joe (including the seam details) and then paint it bright freakin' blue. No tighty-whiteys for Joe!

This detail haunted my early adolescence. Why is Barbie, when she's nekkid, *nekkid*, but Joe isn't? Why did Joe morph into a multicultural rainbow coalition of doomfighting? Why can't you take off his clothes any more? (I guess Barbie's stuck with that drip Ken, now).

HK, whose Barbie slept with her Joe for government secrets. Obviously nothing happened: he kept his drawers on. I suspect he needed Viagra. And if you need Viagra with Barbie, well god help us other girls.

Barbie's pretty hot.

No panties you say? HAWT!

Counterpunch wrote:Barbie's pretty hot.

No panties you say? HAWT!

i agree. lol
i used to drop those dolls into boiling pots of water and cut them apart it was fun.

Counterpunch wrote:Barbie's pretty hot.

No panties you say? HAWT!

I agree, suddenly I feel like buying one, strip her down and then let her be harassed by by, em MP Prime!

I'll probably never hear the end of this, but...

You guys apparently didn't look too closely at Barbie's crotch. There's no paint apps, granted, but there is detail molded on the crotch. It appears to be either a paisley panty pattern or some really atrocious fur. You be the judge.

Savage wrote:I'll probably never hear the end of this, but...

You guys apparently didn't look too closely at Barbie's crotch. There's no paint apps, granted, but there is detail molded on the crotch. It appears to be either a paisley panty pattern or some really atrocious fur. You be the judge.

LOL some did have the paisley printed panties molded on some have absolutely nothing on at all .I just feel sorry for Ken poor guy doesn't even get a bulge...

The point is...not enough articulation.

Nymph wrote:

Savage wrote:I'll probably never hear the end of this, but...

You guys apparently didn't look too closely at Barbie's crotch. There's no paint apps, granted, but there is detail molded on the crotch. It appears to be either a paisley panty pattern or some really atrocious fur. You be the judge.

LOL some did have the paisley printed panties molded on some have absolutely nothing on at all .I just feel sorry for Ken poor guy doesn't even get a bulge...

My Barbie (Ballerina) had nothing. A little 'cleft' if you will (queasy), but no paisley panties or anything like. I presume she was just ahead of the times and got herself a Brazilian wax. Lead the way, Barbie! (Yeeeeowch!)

Besides, we all know that white schoolgirl panties are all the rage in fetishes.

Ballerina Barbie was tolerable only because if you did this thing (lift one arm, I think?) she'd do a sudden split, which could be finessed into looking like a crazy martial arts move. She'd whip Joe's ass! Shut up, Joe! (Kick). Gimme the keys to my Corvette, Joe, (dainty pointed foot firmly lodged in Joe's blue briefies). Kung fu grip ain't got nothin' on the reach of Barbie's mile-long gams.

HK, who still shudders at that Barbie Pink (tm) color.

did none of u break these things!?
but i did have a few, i had to sell them

im glad no one brought this up: STRIPPER BARBIE

had a poll, great out fit, but no other details to it


best barbie ever

ill find pics of it later

my mom collected barbies and while cleaning the stands for her i came across that doll

I'm sorry, but me and my soapbox must make a point.

This:

Is FAR superior to

This:

Because at least Barbie tells you that you can aspire to anything. That’s why she comes as a vet, doctor, lifeguard, fairy, of which I had all of as a child. And sure, Barbie’s build is out of proportion, but if you’re going to throw stones at her, you better be willing to fling them at Bratz, because if people actually walked around with faces like that, I’d be hauling major @$$ in the opposite direction.
A Bratz doll is suppose to be 12 years old. 12! And all it has is a "passion for fashion". They are "The Hills" of dolls. At least Barbie is 19-20 years old.
So don't you be bashing Barbie, because there is a LOT WORSE out there these days. As for me, I'm going to go play with my doctor fairy gymnist Barbie. Because at least she looks normal compared with those other freaks.

Nymph wrote:

Savage wrote:I'll probably never hear the end of this, but...

You guys apparently didn't look too closely at Barbie's crotch. There's no paint apps, granted, but there is detail molded on the crotch. It appears to be either a paisley panty pattern or some really atrocious fur. You be the judge.

LOL some did have the paisley printed panties molded on some have absolutely nothing on at all .I just feel sorry for Ken poor guy doesn't even get a bulge...

Some guys don't have a bulge in real life, guess I'll go hang my head in shame now...it's a wonder how I ever managed to find a woman to marry my ass...

Man, Halo, if your folks ever logged on to Seibertron they'd discover where you keep your stash...

Halo wrote:I'm sorry, but me and my soapbox must make a point.

This:

So that's how she gets so thin...poppin all those pills...

original sin wrote:

Halo wrote:I'm sorry, but me and my soapbox must make a point.

This:

So that's how she gets so thin...poppin all those pills...

Haha, I found that pic on the internet, and didn't realize the pills until...like...now. Haha, oops.

But the point remains. Barbie isn't as bad as some of the other alternatives.

i dont know why but that barbie reminds me of kendra from the girls next door...

Wheelimus Prime wrote:i dont know why but that barbie reminds me of kendra from the girls next door...

You mean you can tell those girls apart? All I see is "blond dumbass number 1, 2, and 3"

the smile and the glasses, i dont know why...

Barbie surpasses Bratz in all ways.

And yes she's awesome because she can be anything. That's also become like her new slogan. I've seen a supermodel, a princess, a vet, a life gaurd, an equestrian, a nurse, an animal trainer, a detective (that was my favorite computer game when I was little), etc., etc....

I'm not really into her anymore, but she is still far better than the stupid Bratz dolls...

Oh, and BTW I haven't seen her with Ken in like forever. Matter of fact I think she dumped him for another guy doll...

It was really lame and I think defacing to her character (made her seem like an ice queen), but I seem to recall a commercial where Ken got dumped in a pool while she went off with the new hot guy.

If I find any info on that, or better yet the commercial, I'll be sure to post it.

original sin wrote:

Wheelimus Prime wrote:i dont know why but that barbie reminds me of kendra from the girls next door...

You mean you can tell those girls apart? All I see is "blond dumbass number 1, 2, and 3"

I can probally thank barbie for dating 2 hot blonde barbie looking girls that are all into pink and their hair. But as hot as they were having to listen them talk about their hair or tanning all the time was real hard to pretend to be interested.

Coughler wrote:

original sin wrote:

Wheelimus Prime wrote:i dont know why but that barbie reminds me of kendra from the girls next door...

You mean you can tell those girls apart? All I see is "blond dumbass number 1, 2, and 3"

I can probally thank barbie for dating 2 hot blonde barbie looking girls that are all into pink and their hair. But as hot as they were having to listen them talk about their hair or tanning all the time was real hard to pretend to be interested.

Twiglike girls are gross. "Preppy" twiglike girls are even worse. Give me a girl with ink under her skin and metal piercing her face and I'm happy. Colors of the rainbow in the hair is also an awesome touch

Panties on barbies make it hard to dress them, especially if you want to put swimsuits on them. Even worse are the ones that come in swimsuits already. They can be fun though, a few years back I was in to sewing clothes and repainting them, etc. TFs just kind of took over though.

I grew up with the smaller G.I.Joes, the scale is more fun to play with IMHO. I do wish the new 25th anniversary big Joes were more detailed though, especially unfortunate are the painted on face masks. I'm buying up the smaller figures but passing on those. Unless they come out with some hot Baroness 11" figure. I'd scoop that up. Maybe even get back in to sewing clothes for her. Also, she'd look great with Universe Ravage.

Bratz though those really do set unrealistic body images for girls, just ask the Onion: http://www.theonion.com/content/video/bratz_dolls_may_give_young_girls

Halo wrote:Because at least Barbie tells you that you can aspire to anything. That’s why she comes as a vet, doctor, lifeguard, fairy, of which I had all of as a child. And sure, Barbie’s build is out of proportion, but if you’re going to throw stones at her, you better be willing to fling them at Bratz, because if people actually walked around with faces like that, I’d be hauling major @$$ in the opposite direction.
A Bratz doll is suppose to be 12 years old. 12! And all it has is a "passion for fashion". They are "The Hills" of dolls. At least Barbie is 19-20 years old.
So don't you be bashing Barbie, because there is a LOT WORSE out there these days. As for me, I'm going to go play with my doctor fairy gymnist Barbie. Because at least she looks normal compared with those other freaks.

On a recent research expedition, I came up with some data that refutes some of your points.

I girded my loins and walked down the Barbie aisle. Expecting, of course, a whole host of careers such as you've outlined. Here's what the TRU says Barbie is fit to do for employment:

Baby Animal Vet
Cashier at Clothing Boutique
Dolphin Trainer
Dog Washer
Dog Groomer

Where's Lawyer Barbie? Where's Professor Barbie? Where's Psyops Barbie? Where's Barbie in anything even approaching ANY athletic clothing? Sure, there were lots of bathing suit and vacation Barbie options, but nothing a girl with a rack that big could run in. As for 'looking normal', I submit that at the very least, her chichis would be down to her waist and her ankles would snap. Looking less freakish than a Bratz doll is a loooong way from looking 'normal.'

And I submit that 'fairy' is not a viable career option for most human girls.

And if you hate Bratz dolls, (and I fully agree), wait 'til you see what toy manufacturers are doing to Dora the Explorer. Apparently she's going to be 'exploring' puberty.

HK, who misses hatin' the Bratz cartoon. God that was so bad.... Almost sublimely bad.

hellkitty wrote:And if you hate Bratz dolls, (and I fully agree), wait 'til you see what toy manufacturers are doing to Dora the Explorer. Apparently she's going to be 'exploring' puberty.

That will be the best season EVER!
Yea I watch Dora the explorer with me buddies sometimes cos it's so much fun mocking it.

Dead Metal wrote:

hellkitty wrote:And if you hate Bratz dolls, (and I fully agree), wait 'til you see what toy manufacturers are doing to Dora the Explorer. Apparently she's going to be 'exploring' puberty.

That will be the best season EVER!
Yea I watch Dora the explorer with me buddies sometimes cos it's so much fun mocking it.

what ever you say