The Energon Pub

As baybe some of you know, I am working on a 3 hr stopmotion about Cybertron's downfall and Bumblebee's rise to leaderness. And I want to know what other TF fans think about it. I dont want to waist my life making a 3 HR STOPMOTION and have people complain about it (much like they do with the new movies). So, Im giving every one a couple of pieces of the script and asking what you think about it. PS: Im nowhere close to being done with the script, and Im not giving anything away that wont be in the trailer. This is the story:

When Optimus Prime is killed by the evil Decepticon Megatron, Optimus chooses bumblebee to become the next Prime. But it will not be easy to do with Megatron's quest for universal domination promised to him by a mysterious ancient Decepticon, or the fact that Cybertron is being swallowed into it's own hatred, and the new rumor going around about a giant planet-consuming entity known as Unicron.

And here are the parts of the script that I want to get opinions on:

this is the part where Optimus fights an army of Decepticons:

Megatron: You won’t be for long! How does it feel to be the very crap that pollutes this universe? (kicks Optimus) You will burn! Every Autobot in this universe will burn in the depths of the Well of All Sparks! No one can save you! No one!

Optimus: Bull s*!t!

(Optimus is angered and fights every last Decepticon)

Starscream: Yeah Prime, how’s it feel to be a piece of cra… (Screams as Optimus rips out his null ray and uses it against him)

Optimus: Ill take out all of you!

(fighting continues until Bumblebee wakes up)

Bumblebee: Prime! (Bumblebee transforms and takes on a few Decepticons)

Megatron: Die Prime!

Optimus: You first!

I have a feeling I made Optimus too agressive...

Another part where Megatron is about to blow up a very important city on Cybertron (I wont tell you what city it is):

Megatron: Lets just say that if I want the Matrix of Leadership, I have to draw the Autobots to us.

Mixmaster: Master, the prototype has not been tested yet. The plasma radiation could backfire, causing an ever changing ripple in Cybertron’s…

Megatron: Did I ask you that?

Mixmaster: No.

Megatron: Is it ready yet?

Longhaul: The energon chamber is at maximum.

Megatron: Good, point the weapon at (DOT, DOT, DOT!!!)


Shockwave: Your not planning on blowing that city to bits are you?

Megatron: No. I’m going to wipe it off the face of the map

Longhaul: Yess!
(Longhaul sets coordinates)

Mixmaster: Coordinates set! Plasma charges set to maximum

Megatron: Fire!

Alright, Maybe one more. This is where Sideswipe explains to Bumblebee the origion of Cybertron, Primus, and Unicron:

Sideswipe: Unicron is one of the most evil beings in the universe. He was Primus’s brother until he betrayed him. Primus sealed Unicron in a black hole, caused by combining the Allspark and his power crystals together. Then Primus sealed his spark within the Matrix of leadership in order to close the wormhole before it devoured the universe. The Allspark was an experiment created by an alien race called the Quintessons. It was designed to create mechanical life. They sent it out to space through a space bridge, and it hit a large asteroid.

Bumblebee: Cybertron.

Sideswipe: Exactly, and instead of creating life on the planet, it created Primus, and Primus recreated another planet called Unicron, which was supposed to help him create life. Unicron became jealous of Primus’s ability to mass reproduce so, that’s why he betrayed Primus.

Bumblebee: And that’s why he wants revenge on Primus. Where is the Allspark now?

Sideswipe: Its in a tomb, called the Tomb of the Primes. Only a Prime can enter, and before any Prime becomes a full fledged Prime, he must speak with Primus through the Allspark.


Bumblebee: Take me there.

Sideswipe: I cant. You have to go by yourself.

Bumblebee: Well, tell me where it is.

Sideswipe: Are you sure your ready? I mean Optimus didn’t go until five years after being elected. You have only been leader for two days.

So, please tell me what you think! Tell me what I need to change or add or anything! I beg of you! Yeah, thats it...you can leave.

hmm
only one word to say
AWSOME
best script ive heard for a stopmotion when o was reading i thought i was reading a transformers script cause it sounded so good i cant wait to see ths beasty stopmotion dude keep me updated on ur script
plese send me some more so i can tel ya what i think its awsome

ROARBO wrote::-? hmm
only one word to say
AWSOME
best script ive heard for a stopmotion when o was reading i thought i was reading a transformers script cause it sounded so good i cant wait to see ths beasty stopmotion dude keep me updated on ur script
plese send me some more so i can tel ya what i think its awsome

Thanx!

Very interesting. I do agree that you made Optimus a bit too aggressive in that first excerpt. I just dont think 'bullshit' is a term Optimus would use, and the whole "I'll take out all of you" reminds me of the "I'll take you all on" line from ROTF. In fact, that whole battle reminds me of Prime's forest battle in ROTF.

Also, Sideswipe's mention of the Tomb of the Primes, it seems like you are relying heavily on the movie universe mythology. There's nothing wrong with that, and it could be very entertaining, but be careful not to tie it too closely to the movies, since you are seeking to do something that will be more well-received by the fandom. Too much movie mythology might be a bit of a turn-off.

I'm not sure how familiar you are with G1 mythology, but you might find some aspects of it very useful. Vector Sigma, in particular, seems like it might fit quite well into your story.

Overall, this looks interesting, Good luck with your endeavors. Looking forward to a trailer.

Savage wrote:Very interesting. I do agree that you made Optimus a bit too aggressive in that first excerpt. I just dont think 'bullshit' is a term Optimus would use, and the whole "I'll take out all of you" reminds me of the "I'll take you all on" line from ROTF. In fact, that whole battle reminds me of Prime's forest battle in ROTF.

Also, Sideswipe's mention of the Tomb of the Primes, it seems like you are relying heavily on the movie universe mythology. There's nothing wrong with that, and it could be very entertaining, but be careful not to tie it too closely to the movies, since you are seeking to do something that will be more well-received by the fandom. Too much movie mythology might be a bit of a turn-off.

I'm not sure how familiar you are with G1 mythology, but you might find some aspects of it very useful. Vector Sigma, in particular, seems like it might fit quite well into your story.

Overall, this looks interesting, Good luck with your endeavors. Looking forward to a trailer.

Thanks! I know about G1 mythology, theres alot of that in here too, I just didnt post any. And Vector Sigma, I wanted to work him into the stopmotion, but I cant find his toy anymore! If I can find it, Ill definately work him into a sequal. Im using the Matrix of Leadershp, which is the main aspect of the stopmotion too.