The Energon Pub

Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting please to come out and give himself up.

Q: What's the fastest bird in the world?

A: A chicken flying over Ethiopia.

Jesus walks into an inn, hands the inn keeper some nails and says,

"Hay could up put me up for the night"

GrimSqueaker wrote:Jesus walks into an inn, hands the inn keeper some nails and says,

"Hay could up put me up for the night"

I'm not trying to be mean here, or take away your right to opinion, but please...could we refrain from this type of joking? A lot of Seibertronians (myself included) find this offensive.

Can't we leave each other's Gods and Religions out of this and just have fun? Rather than having fun at someone else's expense?

Please?

Autobot032 wrote:

GrimSqueaker wrote:Jesus walks into an inn, hands the inn keeper some nails and says,

"Hay could up put me up for the night"

I'm not trying to be mean here, or take away your right to opinion, but please...could we refrain from this type of joking? A lot of Seibertronians (myself included) find this offensive.

Can't we leave each other's Gods and Religions out of this and just have fun? Rather than having fun at someone else's expense?

Please?

Besides that we've heard it on The Crow about a million times.

Me, Grimlock! wrote:

Autobot032 wrote:

GrimSqueaker wrote:Jesus walks into an inn, hands the inn keeper some nails and says,

"Hay could up put me up for the night"

I'm not trying to be mean here, or take away your right to opinion, but please...could we refrain from this type of joking? A lot of Seibertronians (myself included) find this offensive.

Can't we leave each other's Gods and Religions out of this and just have fun? Rather than having fun at someone else's expense?

Please?

Besides that we've heard it on The Crow about a million times.

Meh. Humor is humor, though I thought he was Catholic... I mean, he is Irish.


A man stops in a gas station. While filling up the tank, the busboy looks in the back seat to the guy and says, "Hey bud, ya got three penguins back here!"

Drivers says, "Well what should I do with them?", the busboy inquires.

Busboy says, "You should probably take them to the zoo."

"OK then" ,the guy says, and drives down the road...

A few weeks pass...

The guy passes by that gas station again. "Ya take care of your penguin problem?"

"I guess so" , the guy says.

While filling up the tank, the busboy again looks in the back, but sees the same three penguins, except now they're waring sunglasses.

"What's up with those penguins-- I thought you took them to the zoo!" , the busboy says.

"Ya I did" the guy answers, "and we had so much fun, now I'm taking them to the beach!"

I agree with Brainmaster on that one about religion, Jesus etc. That gets offensive, and can cause a argument really quick.




Well jokewise.

This one guy walks into a bar, very desperate, cause he couldnt get laid for nothing. So he gets drunk as hell, and ends up in someones bed, next thing in the morning. He wakes up, feels underneath the blanket, wtf feels like a sand paper. He yanks the blanket off, terified, asks her: How old are you? she replies: As old as I look like. He yells: You Lie!!!! People dont live that long.

This one was hella-funny.

A burglar broke into a home and was looking around. He heard a soft voice say, "Jesus is watching you". Thinking it was just his imagination, he continued his search. Again the voice said "Jesus is watching you". He turned his flashlight around and saw a parrot in a cage. He asked the parrot if he was the one talking and the parrot said, "yes." He asked the parrot what his name was and the parrot said, "Moses." The burglar asked, "what kind of people would name a parrot Moses?" The parrot said, "the same kind of people who would name their pit bull Jesus".

Grandpa and grandma were together for over 50 years. They had their share of kids, and had occassional sex together, etc. Well old man turned 70, took some viagra, and called his wife. She got naked, and came into the ebdroom with a condom. He looks at her, and says: wtf, we have been having sex for so long, we never used them, whats up with that?. She smiled, and replied: yeah, but this time i dont want to catch E-Colli from your old nuts.

An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

Umm...that doesn't make any sense...

A man is told to stay at his aunt's house with her cat and his uncle while the aunt goes to visit friends for a week.

Half way through the week, she calls him. This is the conversation:

Aunt: "How is my cat?"
Man: "Sorry, but...he died..."
Aunt: "OH! Why did you tell me that? Now my whole vacation is ruined!"
Man: "Well, what would you have me say?"
Aunt: "Say 'The cat's on the roof' then 'We got the cat down, but he's injured,' then, when I get home, say, 'The cat died from his injuries'."
Man: "O...kay..."
Aunt: "Anyway, how's uncle Jim?"
Man: "Uh...Uncle Jim is on the roof."

This one's a true story, I swear to God. It happened to someone from my dad's guild in Lineage II. (An MMO which, until the release of LOTRO, was second only to WoW)

A kid hacks a guild leader's account, and steals all his stuff. The guild leader happens to be in charge of a company that has a lot of government contracts. So, he called his friend, who happened to be a Senator. The senator called Homeland Security, who rained all hell on the kid's house. The kid's dad kept offering them credit cards in fear. The guild leader said he'd drop all charges, if he got every item and gold back. He did, and the kid still got permabanned.

It's funny in that some little MMO douche got what was coming to him by HOMELAND SECURITY.

A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher."

DesalationReborn wrote:Meh. Humor is humor, though I thought he was Catholic... I mean, he is Irish.

Sob- -my guilty secret is out. Yes I am......(technically).....a good Irish Christian boy.

Anywho, on with the funnies!

Paddy Irish man, Paddy Irish man and Paddy Irish man are farmers-and their 3 framers meet at the middle.

One day they find a huge bull dead in the middle of the intersection of their fields so that it is on everyones land a little. They have no bloody idea who owns it-

Anywho, they eventually decide on a novel way to devide the meat up!

Paddy 1: I'm fum Dublin, so I guess I'll take da heart. What with Dublin bein' the Heart of the Country an' all.

Paddy 2: Jesus *scratches head* thats grand, I guess ill take some steaks off the arse since I'm from Cork and thats the Arse of the country!

Paddy 3:You know what lads-I'm from Ballsbridge, and i aint hungry.







Ah irish hunour! Slag everyone (not in the transformers sense) and then throw in a semi rude punch line!

GrimSqueaker wrote:

DesalationReborn wrote:Meh. Humor is humor, though I thought he was Catholic... I mean, he is Irish.

Sob- -my guilty secret is out. Yes I am......(technically).....a good Irish Christian boy.

Anywho, on with the funnies!

Paddy Irish man, Paddy Irish man and Paddy Irish man are farmers-and their 3 framers meet at the middle.

One day they find a huge bull dead in the middle of the intersection of their fields so that it is on everyones land a little. They have no bloody idea who owns it-

Anywho, they eventually decide on a novel way to devide the meat up!

Paddy 1: I'm fum Dublin, so I guess I'll take da heart. What with Dublin bein' the Heart of the Country an' all.

Paddy 2: Jesus *scratches head* thats grand, I guess ill take some steaks off the arse since I'm from Cork and thats the Arse of the country!

Paddy 3:You know what lads-I'm from Ballsbridge, and i aint hungry.







Ah irish hunour! Slag everyone (not in the transformers sense) and then throw in a semi rude punch line!

Now this one, I almost choked on. lol

Autobot032 wrote:

GrimSqueaker wrote:

DesalationReborn wrote:Meh. Humor is humor, though I thought he was Catholic... I mean, he is Irish.

Sob- -my guilty secret is out. Yes I am......(technically).....a good Irish Christian boy.

Anywho, on with the funnies!

Paddy Irish man, Paddy Irish man and Paddy Irish man are farmers-and their 3 framers meet at the middle.

One day they find a huge bull dead in the middle of the intersection of their fields so that it is on everyones land a little. They have no bloody idea who owns it-

Anywho, they eventually decide on a novel way to devide the meat up!

Paddy 1: I'm fum Dublin, so I guess I'll take da heart. What with Dublin bein' the Heart of the Country an' all.

Paddy 2: Jesus *scratches head* thats grand, I guess ill take some steaks off the arse since I'm from Cork and thats the Arse of the country!

Paddy 3:You know what lads-I'm from Ballsbridge, and i aint hungry.







Ah irish hunour! Slag everyone (not in the transformers sense) and then throw in a semi rude punch line!

Now this one, I almost choked on. lol

you almost choked on ballsbridge?

Mighty Scorponok wrote:I agree with Brainmaster on that one about religion, Jesus etc. That gets offensive, and can cause a argument really quick.

Yes, but the funniest jokes usually are the ones that people will find offensive. Plus you have to take into account the different humour levels that different people have.

GrimSqueaker wrote:

Autobot032 wrote:

GrimSqueaker wrote:

DesalationReborn wrote:Meh. Humor is humor, though I thought he was Catholic... I mean, he is Irish.

Sob- -my guilty secret is out. Yes I am......(technically).....a good Irish Christian boy.

Anywho, on with the funnies!

Paddy Irish man, Paddy Irish man and Paddy Irish man are farmers-and their 3 framers meet at the middle.

One day they find a huge bull dead in the middle of the intersection of their fields so that it is on everyones land a little. They have no bloody idea who owns it-

Anywho, they eventually decide on a novel way to devide the meat up!

Paddy 1: I'm fum Dublin, so I guess I'll take da heart. What with Dublin bein' the Heart of the Country an' all.

Paddy 2: Jesus *scratches head* thats grand, I guess ill take some steaks off the arse since I'm from Cork and thats the Arse of the country!

Paddy 3:You know what lads-I'm from Ballsbridge, and i aint hungry.







Ah irish hunour! Slag everyone (not in the transformers sense) and then throw in a semi rude punch line!

Now this one, I almost choked on. lol

you almost choked on ballsbridge?

Damn you! Alright. I walked into that one. lol

An American, a Scot and a Canuk were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $100, we could return to the earth."

He continued, " So of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $100, and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his."

tequila stu wrote:

Mighty Scorponok wrote:I agree with Brainmaster on that one about religion, Jesus etc. That gets offensive, and can cause a argument really quick.

Yes, but the funniest jokes usually are the ones that people will find offensive. Plus you have to take into account the different humour levels that different people have.

To a certain point, offensive jokes can be acceptable and funny. Beyond that, all it does is offend and hurt and most people receive more joy out of that than the joke itself.

Sorry if I'm such a jerk because I don't want to have my personal beliefs made fun of.

I don't make fun of your's...so can't we just have good, clean fun?

A truck driver enters a bar where are thre of the meanest motorcicle drivers. He order some food. One of the gan menbers spits on his food, the other spils water on the truck driver and the third laughts.

The man quielty goes to his truck. The three men laught.

"Men, what a wuss.."

The barman replies:

"And a pretty bad driver too. He just crushed three brand new Harleys."

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU B*****D!!!!"

___________________________________________________________

There was an Scotsman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Wales. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train,there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Scotsman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped.

The Englishman was thinking: 'The Scottish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.'

Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Scotsman and got slapped for it.'

And the Scotsman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make that kissing noise and slap that English b*****d again .

Autobot032 wrote:

tequila stu wrote:

Mighty Scorponok wrote:I agree with Brainmaster on that one about religion, Jesus etc. That gets offensive, and can cause a argument really quick.

Yes, but the funniest jokes usually are the ones that people will find offensive. Plus you have to take into account the different humour levels that different people have.

To a certain point, offensive jokes can be acceptable and funny. Beyond that, all it does is offend and hurt and most people receive more joy out of that than the joke itself.

Sorry if I'm such a jerk because I don't want to have my personal beliefs made fun of.

I don't make fun of your's...so can't we just have good, clean fun?

Well, there lies the rub. Nobody is making fun of your personal beliefs.

They're poking fun at the religion. Two huge different things.

While your personal beliefs may mirror the religious ones. Nobody is attacking you by telling a joke. Hell I've heard priests give their fair share a jokes poking fun at their own religion.

and it's not like by telling a joke about Jesus being crucified, that we're somehow saying "your beliefs are wrong and your stupid for believing in those beliefs that you believe in, dummy."

If you find that you can't find humor in a joke(that is actually funny), because of your personal beliefs. There is something really wrong.

Now, on with the joke.

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.

The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance."

------

Better Than Pork

A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying, "I know that in your religion you're not supposed to eat pork. Have you actually ever tasted it?"The rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion."

Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "Your religion, too... I know you're suposed to be celibate, but...?"

The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you're going to ask. I have succumbed once or twice."

There was silence for a while. Then the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he was reading and said, "Better than pork, isn't it?"

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Entrance Exam

A Christian, a Muslim and a Buddhist die and arrive at the Gate of Heaven. An angel (or deva) stops them and asks, "Why do you come here? Can you tell me the reasons why you are allowed to enter Heaven?"

The Christian replies, "My ancestors disobeyed God, and I sinned all my life: I killed, I lied, I cheated my wife and I was greedy. However, Jesus died for me and all my sins are forgiven. So I deserve to enter Heaven."

"OK," replies the Angel. "Sounds good, but I must give you an entrance examination before you can enter." The Christian promptly agrees and the Angel asks him: "How do you spell God?" It is an easy question, and the Christian passes through the Gate.

Next came the Muslim, who says, "I did not do any especially good or evil things during my life but I was very devout. I prayed to God five times a day. So, I too should enter Heaven." The Angel replies, "It sounds OK to me, but I have to give you a test also. How do you spell Allah?" The Muslim passes the test and enters Heaven.

Finally, it is the Buddhist's turn. He tells the Angel, "I've done all the good things in my life and I followed Buddha's five precepts: I never killed, I donated to charities, I meditated every day, and I never cheated my boss nor my customers." The Angel replies, "That is very good, but there are no exceptions. You must pass the entrance test also in order to get in." Thinking that the test should be simple, the Buddhist happily agrees.

The Angel then asks him: "How do you spell Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva?"

Senor Hugo wrote:They're poking fun at the religion. Two huge different things.

While your personal beliefs may mirror the religious ones. Nobody is attacking you by telling a joke. Hell I've heard priests give their fair share a jokes poking fun at their own religion.

and it's not like by telling a joke about Jesus being crucified, that we're somehow saying "your beliefs are wrong and your stupid for believing in those beliefs that you believe in, dummy."

you gotta admit for a man with a silly name he makes a damn good point

3 men walk into a bar.

you'd have thought 1 of them would have seen it.