The Energon Pub

http://www.darkhorizons.com/reviews/transformers.php

Here's what I think is the best review coming from the film thus far. Tells us all we need to know, and lays it out. Great looking- but dumb to the point of being "borderline offensive."

Excerpt:

"No greater example of a text book Summer movie will be found this season than Michael Bay's live-action take on the near three decades old "Transformers" cartoon and toy line. Awe-inspiring spectacle and practically flawless visual effects throughout much of the runtime make this a thrill ride for all ages, but the sheer lack of a script - let alone anything approximating character or storyline - will result in an increasingly corrosive distaste on repeat viewings...

...Hugo Weaving was paid handsomely to voice the villain Megatron, but he's so barely in it (not to mention sounds completely unlike Weaving) that it seems an utter waste. Peter Cullen on the other hand relishes his time behind the mike as Optimus Prime again. That instantly recognisable voice is a little distracting at first, but gives Prime necessary nobility and gravitas. Even Bernie Mac, reduced to a few line cameo as a car salesman, FINALLY delivers work that can actually be termed funny...

...Other moments simply don't work. Whilst fans will be pleased to hear that the Prime/Megatron fight is one of the best bits of the movie, many will be disheartened by a drawn-out alley scene in the which the Decepticons are introduced and the back story explained in a pain-stakingly tedious way that reminds you that you're watching a cheesy science-fiction story. It's a tough task adapting an 80's children's show into a workable film, yet a real chance to invent a rich and compelling mythology is never even attempted - rather cheap tricks and only a semblance of story to try and link the action sequences together.

That is ultimately what "Transformers" was designed to be though - a quite effective thrill ride. It's the ecstasy of Summer movies - the first time is a rush, but each subsequent hit has less effect and proves ultimately futile after the first few times. Whereas truly great Summer films get more rewarding on subsequent glances, this packs all its power on the initial viewing and that viewing will please most everyone from fanboys to casual cinemagoers. It's not a movie that you need to see again however, and whilst it'll probably be one of the better films of the season - it ultimately doesn't have the weight let alone staying power to sit fondly in retrospect."

*yawn* Someone who has made 46 posts, most of them being complaints about the movie, finds a review that actually criticises the movie and calls it the "best".

I thought some of the best reviews are in that thread stickied near the top. Oh wait ... people don't pan it completely, my bad.

Moving on ...

No one expects it to be an Oscar winner. We expect it to be entertaining, and every review so far has said that it does just that.

I have no complaints, and you're welcome to your's, but will the bitching ever stop?

It's a little ridiculous past this point.

Reviews, are pointless. Peoples views of movies are as wide and diverse as the crowd on a Saturday afternoon at Venice beach.

To be honest, this could be a throw back Black and White
Silent movie... a la Charlie Chaplin and I would still watch it. Why you ask? Big **** robots throwing left hooks to their grills.. I don't care if its clay animation transformers. Id still pay money to watch it.

But thats just my opinion, and just like the reviewers article, its an OPINION... and you know what they say about those.

nugget wrote:Reviews, are pointless. Peoples views of movies are as wide and diverse as the crowd on a Saturday afternoon at Venice beach.

To be honest, this could be a throw back Black and White
Silent movie... a la Charlie Chaplin and I would still watch it. Why you ask? Big **** robots throwing left hooks to their grills.. I don't care if its clay animation transformers. Id still pay money to watch it.

But thats just my opinion, and just like the reviewers article, its an OPINION... and you know what they say about those.

Heh.

I'm glad we're entitled to have opinions and the right to express them, but after hearing that the average person complains up to 70 times in a single day....kinda makes me want to glue my own mouth shut.

Autobot032 wrote:after hearing that the average person complains up to 70 times in a single day....kinda makes me want to glue my own mouth shut.

ooooo where'd you hear that? Article online? Wouldn't mind reading it if so!

Well, I trust this person's opinion- and Garth also happens to run a site about "movies" not just the Transformers Movie- so a little credit to his opinion where credit is due.

Even the article posted on Bay's site sorta pans the film- citing reservations about how the robot characters are treated.

And notice, no review thus far has heaped praise upon the Robot characters ability to act or even speak, aside from Cullen. Troublesome that the Transformers in the "Transformers" movie don't seem to warrant a section of the review that talks about their portrayal as characters...

I think this review hits the nail on the head from the looks and tone thus far. Pretty, but dumb, and easily fluffed off. The movie could’ve been a smart and explosive action/sci-fi film. Instead we get beatbox Bumblebee.

edit:

Does a little jiggy dance to Bumblebeatbox, which is funny even if you're not a giant robot dinosaur- but is even more funny when you are.

Actually there have been plenty of reviews from sites not related to TFs - AICN for example had several very positive ones of varying quality...

To be honest I can't think of a single summer blockbuster that has ever been particularly subtle or intelligent, but I can think of plenty that I've enjoyed -

Jurassic Park (plot holes the size of a T Rex)
Independence Day (plot? what plot? the world is exploding who needs one?)
Spiderman (worst. goblin. ever.)
X-Men (who needs a script when you've got adamantium claws)
Pirates 1 (carried by Johnny Depp)

If they tried to make TFs into something pseudo-intellectual like Star Trek, frankly I'd boil my own head. If I want smart, I'll read a book or watch something black and white and French.

I can see that SoooTrypticon would prefer something along those lines, and thats fine, each to their own. Please though, don't feel the need to pi$$ on everyone else's parade, especially until you've seen the film.

SoooTrypticon wrote:I think this review hits the nail on the head from the looks and tone thus far.

And if you're going to use one review to reinforce your negative beliefs about this movie, then, well ... I and many others will happily enjoy this movie without you.

I think this review hits the nail on the head from the looks and tone thus far. Pretty, but dumb, and easily fluffed off.

I could have sworn you were talking about the original cartoon there. hmm

OMGZ!11!!!1

A "negative" review that doesnt blow sunshine up this films backside.

If this film is as good as the first X-men, horrible Storm and all, I'd be amazed. What sets X-men apart from all the other films listed, is that it had, (gasp) characters. Something this movie seems sorely lacking.

I won't back down on this however. I'm sick of puff piece reviews that sum up the movie as, "stupid- but I had a great time."

I don't have a great time with stupid things. It sound like a cheap hooker. This is Transformers at the lowest common denomenator folks. "Teh 'spolsions roxors."

And sure the cartoon was stupid. But the comics were better. Waaaaaaay better. It had some of the best marvel writers and artists staffed on it.

And just because your source material is simple, doesn't give you the right to blow 200 million dollars on something that's "Pretty and Dumb."

'Cause that's just an expensive hooker.

But hey- I didn't see the movie yet. SO go read the review by a seasoned reviewer (read, not AICN Plant) at Garth's site.

SoooTrypticon wrote:If this film is as good as the first X-men, horrible Storm and all, I'd be amazed. What sets X-men apart from all the other films listed, is that it had, (gasp) characters. Something this movie seems sorely lacking.

I won't back down on this however. I'm sick of puff piece reviews that sum up the movie as, "stupid- but I had a great time."

I don't have a great time with stupid things. It sound like a cheap hooker. This is Transformers at the lowest common denomenator folks. "Teh 'spolsions roxors."

And sure the cartoon was stupid. But the comics were better. Waaaaaaay better. It had some of the best marvel writers and artists staffed on it.

And just because your source material is simple, doesn't give you the right to blow 200 million dollars on something that's "Pretty and Dumb."

'Cause that's just an expensive hooker.

But hey- I didn't see the movie yet. SO go read the review by a seasoned reviewer (read, not AICN Plant) at Garth's site.

Or how about read the reviews of people that have seen it and are fans and were sceptical in the beginning and realized how it is, how it was, and how it could be. Reviews are opinions nothing more, and what do we say about opinions. They are like a**holes and everyones got one. Don't let someone else help you decide whether or not you like it. Go in with an open mind about it,( not entirely sure some people may be able to do that since they seem so close minded to it) watch the movie and then decide in the end if you really like it or not.

I'll still see it- but I'm already pretty sure it's not for me. And I can't stand praise for things that are admittedly dumb.

meh.

I did think Garth's review sorta confirmed everyone's fears about the film though.

Lack of Megatron.

Thin plot.

Thin characters.

Bad comedy.

But lots'a action.

oh well.

SoooTrypticon wrote:I'll still see it- but I'm already pretty sure it's not for me. And I can't stand praise for things that are admittedly dumb.

meh.

I did think Garth's review sorta confirmed everyone's fears about the film though.

Lack of Megatron.

Thin plot.

Thin characters.

Bad comedy.

But lots'a action.

oh well.

Most people are saying the comedy works, Thin Plot (were you expecting mcbeth in something that has to explain a million year war and present conflict within the scope of 2 hours) From what I've heard some people say about some of the old marvel comic books the plots were as thin as the paper its printed on and the art was worse than the drawings of prime that i did with a fat crayola crayon in 1986.

And I can't stand praise for things that are admittedly dumb

This is what gets me. You cant stand praise for things that are admittedly dumb yet 2 posts ago you admit that the g1 gartoon was stupid and that is what started it all for everyone on this site. If there was no cartoon then was no marvel comics, no war within, nothing. The very act of posting on this site and making transformers based signatures and avatars and any fan fiction are giving praise to something that is admittedly dumb.

SoooTrypticon wrote:Lack of Megatron.

Thin plot.

Thin characters.

Bad comedy.

But lots'a action.

oh well.

And you say that as if your surprised...

SoooTrypticon wrote:I did think Garth's review sorta confirmed everyone's fears about the film though.

No, it is not "everyone's" fears. Don't presume you're in the majority when it comes to not liking what this movie is offering. You never were, and will more than likely never will be the majority.

But you want to keep dancing the dance of negativity? Go right ahead, i'm finding it bloody hilarious you negative folk are grasping at ANYTHING to whinge about in regards to this movie.

Burn wrote:

SoooTrypticon wrote: i'm finding it bloody hilarious you negative folk are grasping at ANYTHING to whinge about in regards to this movie.

Nail on the head... great take on it.

I love how they take some obscure reviewers blog and quote is as if its the gospel.

What do these people expect some world war two era French art house flick about a girl and her favorite lunch-box.

Burn wrote:*yawn* Someone who has made 46 posts, most of them being complaints about the movie, finds a review that actually criticises the movie and calls it the "best".

I thought some of the best reviews are in that thread stickied near the top. Oh wait ... people don't pan it completely, my bad.

Moving on ...

My thoughts exactly. All of the average citizens who's seen this movie have given it nothing but praise!

"Whereas truly great Summer films get more rewarding on subsequent glances, this packs all its power on the initial viewing and that viewing will please most everyone from fanboys to casual cinemagoers. It's not a movie that you need to see again however, and whilst it'll probably be one of the better films of the season - it ultimately doesn't have the weight let alone staying power to sit fondly in retrospect."

You know what's funny? This review basically says the exact same thing as all the others, except in the end this particular reviewer doesn't feel it's worth seeing again. That's it. Because, unlike the other reviewers, this one didn't feel all the fim's cgi and action scenes were enough to compensate for its weaknesses.

And so the thread instantly devolves into the same ridiculous "you're a snob if you wanted more than robots fighting, stop whining, I like professional wrestling and fart jokes and nobody has a right to feel otherwise" argument over again.

WTF.

Stalinglad wrote:It's like going to get a burger and whining it's not a 5 star meal from some exclusive restaurant.

Only that in this case, there's only one place to eat at in the world.

Robinson wrote:
This is what gets me. You cant stand praise for things that are admittedly dumb yet 2 posts ago you admit that the g1 gartoon was stupid and that is what started it all for everyone on this site. If there was no cartoon then was no marvel comics, no war within, nothing. The very act of posting on this site and making transformers based signatures and avatars and any fan fiction are giving praise to something that is admittedly dumb.

Because somebody can still like something that is "dumb" and or flawed in retrospect. At the very least you can like certain aspects of something like that, in this case the original source material. And yet in spite of liking something that may or may not be dumb you can have a certain level of expectation, that the same "dumb" mistakes wont be present in something that is expected to be on a higher level in terms of quality.