The Energon Pub

[The Happy Locust]

[quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Halo"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Sonic"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Halo"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Halo"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Sonic"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="The Grim Locust"]A smart unhealthy eater comes prepared.

*Locust downs a gigantic mexican meal.*

And now I have exactly 23 seconds before my heart stops.

*Locust runs to a machine, steps inside. The machine rips open Locust's chest, extracts his heart, sucks the cholesterol from the veins, reattaches the heart, and closes his chest*

And now I'm back at a healthy level. Not responsible for loss of arteries due to power failure.

Just make sure the machine doesn't accidentally replace your heart with a baked potato!

You have 3 seconds to live.
Mmmph?
*Pop!*

There's a setting for that. We call it the "tragic comedy and wild takes" setting.

Reminds me of a Slip n' Slide.

Well you grew up with the bleed and spray 5000

I had the horn and gore 600

Obviously your parents were cheap and didn't love you.

Woah... Halo receives a yellow flag and 50 cool points.

SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hey... at least he had an authentic horn and gore-600
All I ended up with was the Malt-O-Meal version "Bloody Horny"[/quote]
Well I enjoyed my slip and bleed 200 as a kid.[/quote]
*cough*underprivaligedwimp*cough*[/quote]
All I had were stairs to fall down...[/quote]
ah you had the poor man's version.[/quote]
Trash bags and veggie oil also make great slides.[/quote]
after the kids are done playing you can put htem in the bag and throw them in the oven.[/quote]
Crispy...[/quote]
MMMMMM... Improvised soylent green.[/quote]
For some reason, that reminds me of something healthy.[/quote]

It's probably the closest to a renewable food source we'd ever get.[/quote]
Soylent green in reality is probably more likely to cause a heart attack than if you were to eat 3 pounds of cheese in one sitting! especially if it's made from overweight lower-middle class men![/quote]

Jeez. People keep telling us to recycle, but when we actually try to put it into practice...[/quote]
Well, if we did we'd have to establish an eating chain. Randy you're first on the list.[/quote]

On second thought, as the largest person here, I'm rethinking my support for the soylent chain.

*goes for a massive gym session*[/quote]

*fells Locust with a 22 long rifle*

get this one in the freezer quik boys we don't want him to spoil[/quote]
yeah, but who'd want to eat anything wearing a thong?[/quote]
Icky.[/quote]
I can think of someone...
*looks discreetly over at randy*[/quote]
no, not even randy.[/quote]

*Locust's memories of this time are foggy, as his body is now nearly completely frozen*

can't... feel... toes...[/quote]
wiggle your big toe... come on... Wiggle damnit.[/quote]

*the alien clientel comes to pick up Locust and sees wigling*

Aaahhhh Goood zeee prooduuccce izz stilll frezzh[/quote]

vaaat izz daaat viggling? Datz noot 'is toe.[/quote]


that would be his "human horn*; considered an aferdesiac by some species[/quote]
Severe his wiggling toe horn![/quote]
I bet it has fungus growing on it.[/quote]
mine does... wanna touch it? [/quote]
*Poke*[/quote]
now go wash your hands with fire.[/quote]

Fire is so primitive. Wash your hands in this. They'll be so clean they'll shine.

*Quickly blacks out "liquid oxygen" from an open container*[/quote]
Now everyone into the hot tub.[/quote]

*The camera pans up and we see a cliche flurry of flying undergarments of all sorts, types, and sizes flying upwards. *

YIPPEE!

*The camera pans back down to show only Locust disrobed.*

What? Doesn't everyone wear 47 layers of multi-gendered multi-colored underwear?[/quote]
not with holes in the crotches. o.O[/quote]

As much as I'd like to claim deviancy, those are just a result of bad housekeeping. Lousy moths...

[UFO]

[quote="Jar Axel"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Halo"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Sonic"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Halo"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Halo"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Sonic"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="The Grim Locust"]A smart unhealthy eater comes prepared.

*Locust downs a gigantic mexican meal.*

And now I have exactly 23 seconds before my heart stops.

*Locust runs to a machine, steps inside. The machine rips open Locust's chest, extracts his heart, sucks the cholesterol from the veins, reattaches the heart, and closes his chest*

And now I'm back at a healthy level. Not responsible for loss of arteries due to power failure.

Just make sure the machine doesn't accidentally replace your heart with a baked potato!

You have 3 seconds to live.
Mmmph?
*Pop!*

There's a setting for that. We call it the "tragic comedy and wild takes" setting.

Reminds me of a Slip n' Slide.

Well you grew up with the bleed and spray 5000

I had the horn and gore 600

Obviously your parents were cheap and didn't love you.

Woah... Halo receives a yellow flag and 50 cool points.

SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hey... at least he had an authentic horn and gore-600
All I ended up with was the Malt-O-Meal version "Bloody Horny"[/quote]
Well I enjoyed my slip and bleed 200 as a kid.[/quote]
*cough*underprivaligedwimp*cough*[/quote]
All I had were stairs to fall down...[/quote]
ah you had the poor man's version.[/quote]
Trash bags and veggie oil also make great slides.[/quote]
after the kids are done playing you can put htem in the bag and throw them in the oven.[/quote]
Crispy...[/quote]
MMMMMM... Improvised soylent green.[/quote]
For some reason, that reminds me of something healthy.[/quote]

It's probably the closest to a renewable food source we'd ever get.[/quote]
Soylent green in reality is probably more likely to cause a heart attack than if you were to eat 3 pounds of cheese in one sitting! especially if it's made from overweight lower-middle class men![/quote]

Jeez. People keep telling us to recycle, but when we actually try to put it into practice...[/quote]
Well, if we did we'd have to establish an eating chain. Randy you're first on the list.[/quote]

On second thought, as the largest person here, I'm rethinking my support for the soylent chain.

*goes for a massive gym session*[/quote]

*fells Locust with a 22 long rifle*

get this one in the freezer quik boys we don't want him to spoil[/quote]
yeah, but who'd want to eat anything wearing a thong?[/quote]
Icky.[/quote]
I can think of someone...
*looks discreetly over at randy*[/quote]
no, not even randy.[/quote]

*Locust's memories of this time are foggy, as his body is now nearly completely frozen*

can't... feel... toes...[/quote]
wiggle your big toe... come on... Wiggle damnit.[/quote]

*the alien clientel comes to pick up Locust and sees wigling*

Aaahhhh Goood zeee prooduuccce izz stilll frezzh[/quote]

vaaat izz daaat viggling? Datz noot 'is toe.[/quote]


that would be his "human horn*; considered an aferdesiac by some species[/quote]
Severe his wiggling toe horn![/quote]
I bet it has fungus growing on it.[/quote]
mine does... wanna touch it? [/quote]
*Poke*[/quote]
now go wash your hands with fire.[/quote]

Fire is so primitive. Wash your hands in this. They'll be so clean they'll shine.

*Quickly blacks out "liquid oxygen" from an open container*[/quote]
Now everyone into the hot tub.[/quote]

*The camera pans up and we see a cliche flurry of flying undergarments of all sorts, types, and sizes flying upwards. *

YIPPEE!

*The camera pans back down to show only Locust disrobed.*

What? Doesn't everyone wear 47 layers of multi-gendered multi-colored underwear?[/quote]
not with holes in the crotches. o.O[/quote]

As much as I'd like to claim deviancy, those are just a result of bad housekeeping. Lousy moths...[/quote]
So..that's why Locust used to be a clown named Floppy...

[Psycho Warrior]

[quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Halo"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Sonic"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Halo"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Halo"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Sonic"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="The Grim Locust"]A smart unhealthy eater comes prepared.

*Locust downs a gigantic mexican meal.*

And now I have exactly 23 seconds before my heart stops.

*Locust runs to a machine, steps inside. The machine rips open Locust's chest, extracts his heart, sucks the cholesterol from the veins, reattaches the heart, and closes his chest*

And now I'm back at a healthy level. Not responsible for loss of arteries due to power failure.

Just make sure the machine doesn't accidentally replace your heart with a baked potato!

You have 3 seconds to live.
Mmmph?
*Pop!*

There's a setting for that. We call it the "tragic comedy and wild takes" setting.

Reminds me of a Slip n' Slide.

Well you grew up with the bleed and spray 5000

I had the horn and gore 600

Obviously your parents were cheap and didn't love you.

Woah... Halo receives a yellow flag and 50 cool points.

SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hey... at least he had an authentic horn and gore-600
All I ended up with was the Malt-O-Meal version "Bloody Horny"[/quote]
Well I enjoyed my slip and bleed 200 as a kid.[/quote]
*cough*underprivaligedwimp*cough*[/quote]
All I had were stairs to fall down...[/quote]
ah you had the poor man's version.[/quote]
Trash bags and veggie oil also make great slides.[/quote]
after the kids are done playing you can put htem in the bag and throw them in the oven.[/quote]
Crispy...[/quote]
MMMMMM... Improvised soylent green.[/quote]
For some reason, that reminds me of something healthy.[/quote]

It's probably the closest to a renewable food source we'd ever get.[/quote]
Soylent green in reality is probably more likely to cause a heart attack than if you were to eat 3 pounds of cheese in one sitting! especially if it's made from overweight lower-middle class men![/quote]

Jeez. People keep telling us to recycle, but when we actually try to put it into practice...[/quote]
Well, if we did we'd have to establish an eating chain. Randy you're first on the list.[/quote]

On second thought, as the largest person here, I'm rethinking my support for the soylent chain.

*goes for a massive gym session*[/quote]

*fells Locust with a 22 long rifle*

get this one in the freezer quik boys we don't want him to spoil[/quote]
yeah, but who'd want to eat anything wearing a thong?[/quote]
Icky.[/quote]
I can think of someone...
*looks discreetly over at randy*[/quote]
no, not even randy.[/quote]

*Locust's memories of this time are foggy, as his body is now nearly completely frozen*

can't... feel... toes...[/quote]
wiggle your big toe... come on... Wiggle damnit.[/quote]

*the alien clientel comes to pick up Locust and sees wigling*

Aaahhhh Goood zeee prooduuccce izz stilll frezzh[/quote]

vaaat izz daaat viggling? Datz noot 'is toe.[/quote]


that would be his "human horn*; considered an aferdesiac by some species[/quote]
Severe his wiggling toe horn![/quote]
I bet it has fungus growing on it.[/quote]
mine does... wanna touch it? [/quote]
*Poke*[/quote]
now go wash your hands with fire.[/quote]

Fire is so primitive. Wash your hands in this. They'll be so clean they'll shine.

*Quickly blacks out "liquid oxygen" from an open container*[/quote]
Now everyone into the hot tub.[/quote]

*The camera pans up and we see a cliche flurry of flying undergarments of all sorts, types, and sizes flying upwards. *

YIPPEE!

*The camera pans back down to show only Locust disrobed.*

What? Doesn't everyone wear 47 layers of multi-gendered multi-colored underwear?[/quote]
not with holes in the crotches. o.O[/quote]

As much as I'd like to claim deviancy, those are just a result of bad housekeeping. Lousy moths...[/quote]
So..that's why Locust used to be a clown named Floppy...[/quote]
HA HA! Not to scale...

[Halo]

[quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Halo"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Sonic"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Halo"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Halo"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Sonic"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="The Grim Locust"]A smart unhealthy eater comes prepared.

*Locust downs a gigantic mexican meal.*

And now I have exactly 23 seconds before my heart stops.

*Locust runs to a machine, steps inside. The machine rips open Locust's chest, extracts his heart, sucks the cholesterol from the veins, reattaches the heart, and closes his chest*

And now I'm back at a healthy level. Not responsible for loss of arteries due to power failure.

Just make sure the machine doesn't accidentally replace your heart with a baked potato!

You have 3 seconds to live.
Mmmph?
*Pop!*

There's a setting for that. We call it the "tragic comedy and wild takes" setting.

Reminds me of a Slip n' Slide.

Well you grew up with the bleed and spray 5000

I had the horn and gore 600

Obviously your parents were cheap and didn't love you.

Woah... Halo receives a yellow flag and 50 cool points.

SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hey... at least he had an authentic horn and gore-600
All I ended up with was the Malt-O-Meal version "Bloody Horny"[/quote]
Well I enjoyed my slip and bleed 200 as a kid.[/quote]
*cough*underprivaligedwimp*cough*[/quote]
All I had were stairs to fall down...[/quote]
ah you had the poor man's version.[/quote]
Trash bags and veggie oil also make great slides.[/quote]
after the kids are done playing you can put htem in the bag and throw them in the oven.[/quote]
Crispy...[/quote]
MMMMMM... Improvised soylent green.[/quote]
For some reason, that reminds me of something healthy.[/quote]

It's probably the closest to a renewable food source we'd ever get.[/quote]
Soylent green in reality is probably more likely to cause a heart attack than if you were to eat 3 pounds of cheese in one sitting! especially if it's made from overweight lower-middle class men![/quote]

Jeez. People keep telling us to recycle, but when we actually try to put it into practice...[/quote]
Well, if we did we'd have to establish an eating chain. Randy you're first on the list.[/quote]

On second thought, as the largest person here, I'm rethinking my support for the soylent chain.

*goes for a massive gym session*[/quote]

*fells Locust with a 22 long rifle*

get this one in the freezer quik boys we don't want him to spoil[/quote]
yeah, but who'd want to eat anything wearing a thong?[/quote]
Icky.[/quote]
I can think of someone...
*looks discreetly over at randy*[/quote]
no, not even randy.[/quote]

*Locust's memories of this time are foggy, as his body is now nearly completely frozen*

can't... feel... toes...[/quote]
wiggle your big toe... come on... Wiggle damnit.[/quote]

*the alien clientel comes to pick up Locust and sees wigling*

Aaahhhh Goood zeee prooduuccce izz stilll frezzh[/quote]

vaaat izz daaat viggling? Datz noot 'is toe.[/quote]


that would be his "human horn*; considered an aferdesiac by some species[/quote]
Severe his wiggling toe horn![/quote]
I bet it has fungus growing on it.[/quote]
mine does... wanna touch it? [/quote]
*Poke*[/quote]
now go wash your hands with fire.[/quote]

Fire is so primitive. Wash your hands in this. They'll be so clean they'll shine.

*Quickly blacks out "liquid oxygen" from an open container*[/quote]
Now everyone into the hot tub.[/quote]

*The camera pans up and we see a cliche flurry of flying undergarments of all sorts, types, and sizes flying upwards. *

YIPPEE!

*The camera pans back down to show only Locust disrobed.*

What? Doesn't everyone wear 47 layers of multi-gendered multi-colored underwear?[/quote]
not with holes in the crotches. o.O[/quote]

As much as I'd like to claim deviancy, those are just a result of bad housekeeping. Lousy moths...[/quote]
So..that's why Locust used to be a clown named Floppy...[/quote]
HA HA! Not to scale...[/quote]
I always walk into these things at the worst times.

[The Happy Locust]

[quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Halo"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Sonic"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Halo"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Halo"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Sonic"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="The Grim Locust"]A smart unhealthy eater comes prepared.

*Locust downs a gigantic mexican meal.*

And now I have exactly 23 seconds before my heart stops.

*Locust runs to a machine, steps inside. The machine rips open Locust's chest, extracts his heart, sucks the cholesterol from the veins, reattaches the heart, and closes his chest*

And now I'm back at a healthy level. Not responsible for loss of arteries due to power failure.

Just make sure the machine doesn't accidentally replace your heart with a baked potato!

You have 3 seconds to live.
Mmmph?
*Pop!*

There's a setting for that. We call it the "tragic comedy and wild takes" setting.

Reminds me of a Slip n' Slide.

Well you grew up with the bleed and spray 5000

I had the horn and gore 600

Obviously your parents were cheap and didn't love you.

Woah... Halo receives a yellow flag and 50 cool points.

SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hey... at least he had an authentic horn and gore-600
All I ended up with was the Malt-O-Meal version "Bloody Horny"[/quote]
Well I enjoyed my slip and bleed 200 as a kid.[/quote]
*cough*underprivaligedwimp*cough*[/quote]
All I had were stairs to fall down...[/quote]
ah you had the poor man's version.[/quote]
Trash bags and veggie oil also make great slides.[/quote]
after the kids are done playing you can put htem in the bag and throw them in the oven.[/quote]
Crispy...[/quote]
MMMMMM... Improvised soylent green.[/quote]
For some reason, that reminds me of something healthy.[/quote]

It's probably the closest to a renewable food source we'd ever get.[/quote]
Soylent green in reality is probably more likely to cause a heart attack than if you were to eat 3 pounds of cheese in one sitting! especially if it's made from overweight lower-middle class men![/quote]

Jeez. People keep telling us to recycle, but when we actually try to put it into practice...[/quote]
Well, if we did we'd have to establish an eating chain. Randy you're first on the list.[/quote]

On second thought, as the largest person here, I'm rethinking my support for the soylent chain.

*goes for a massive gym session*[/quote]

*fells Locust with a 22 long rifle*

get this one in the freezer quik boys we don't want him to spoil[/quote]
yeah, but who'd want to eat anything wearing a thong?[/quote]
Icky.[/quote]
I can think of someone...
*looks discreetly over at randy*[/quote]
no, not even randy.[/quote]

*Locust's memories of this time are foggy, as his body is now nearly completely frozen*

can't... feel... toes...[/quote]
wiggle your big toe... come on... Wiggle damnit.[/quote]

*the alien clientel comes to pick up Locust and sees wigling*

Aaahhhh Goood zeee prooduuccce izz stilll frezzh[/quote]

vaaat izz daaat viggling? Datz noot 'is toe.[/quote]


that would be his "human horn*; considered an aferdesiac by some species[/quote]
Severe his wiggling toe horn![/quote]
I bet it has fungus growing on it.[/quote]
mine does... wanna touch it? [/quote]
*Poke*[/quote]
now go wash your hands with fire.[/quote]

Fire is so primitive. Wash your hands in this. They'll be so clean they'll shine.

*Quickly blacks out "liquid oxygen" from an open container*[/quote]
Now everyone into the hot tub.[/quote]

*The camera pans up and we see a cliche flurry of flying undergarments of all sorts, types, and sizes flying upwards. *

YIPPEE!

*The camera pans back down to show only Locust disrobed.*

What? Doesn't everyone wear 47 layers of multi-gendered multi-colored underwear?[/quote]
not with holes in the crotches. o.O[/quote]

As much as I'd like to claim deviancy, those are just a result of bad housekeeping. Lousy moths...[/quote]
So..that's why Locust used to be a clown named Floppy...[/quote]
HA HA! Not to scale...[/quote]
I always walk into these things at the worst times.[/quote]

There are no worst times. Only times you wish you could gouge out your mind's eye with two weasels, a ferret, and some duct tape on a chain.

[Jar Axel]

[quote="Sonic"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Halo"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Sonic"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Halo"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Halo"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Sonic"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="The Grim Locust"]A smart unhealthy eater comes prepared.

*Locust downs a gigantic mexican meal.*

And now I have exactly 23 seconds before my heart stops.

*Locust runs to a machine, steps inside. The machine rips open Locust's chest, extracts his heart, sucks the cholesterol from the veins, reattaches the heart, and closes his chest*

And now I'm back at a healthy level. Not responsible for loss of arteries due to power failure.

Just make sure the machine doesn't accidentally replace your heart with a baked potato!

You have 3 seconds to live.
Mmmph?
*Pop!*

There's a setting for that. We call it the "tragic comedy and wild takes" setting.

Reminds me of a Slip n' Slide.

Well you grew up with the bleed and spray 5000

I had the horn and gore 600

Obviously your parents were cheap and didn't love you.

Woah... Halo receives a yellow flag and 50 cool points.

SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hey... at least he had an authentic horn and gore-600
All I ended up with was the Malt-O-Meal version "Bloody Horny"[/quote]
Well I enjoyed my slip and bleed 200 as a kid.[/quote]
*cough*underprivaligedwimp*cough*[/quote]
All I had were stairs to fall down...[/quote]
ah you had the poor man's version.[/quote]
Trash bags and veggie oil also make great slides.[/quote]
after the kids are done playing you can put htem in the bag and throw them in the oven.[/quote]
Crispy...[/quote]
MMMMMM... Improvised soylent green.[/quote]
For some reason, that reminds me of something healthy.[/quote]

It's probably the closest to a renewable food source we'd ever get.[/quote]
Soylent green in reality is probably more likely to cause a heart attack than if you were to eat 3 pounds of cheese in one sitting! especially if it's made from overweight lower-middle class men![/quote]

Jeez. People keep telling us to recycle, but when we actually try to put it into practice...[/quote]
Well, if we did we'd have to establish an eating chain. Randy you're first on the list.[/quote]

On second thought, as the largest person here, I'm rethinking my support for the soylent chain.

*goes for a massive gym session*[/quote]

*fells Locust with a 22 long rifle*

get this one in the freezer quik boys we don't want him to spoil[/quote]
yeah, but who'd want to eat anything wearing a thong?[/quote]
Icky.[/quote]
I can think of someone...
*looks discreetly over at randy*[/quote]
no, not even randy.[/quote]

*Locust's memories of this time are foggy, as his body is now nearly completely frozen*

can't... feel... toes...[/quote]
wiggle your big toe... come on... Wiggle damnit.[/quote]

*the alien clientel comes to pick up Locust and sees wigling*

Aaahhhh Goood zeee prooduuccce izz stilll frezzh[/quote]

vaaat izz daaat viggling? Datz noot 'is toe.[/quote]


that would be his "human horn*; considered an aferdesiac by some species[/quote]
Severe his wiggling toe horn![/quote]
I bet it has fungus growing on it.[/quote]
mine does... wanna touch it? [/quote]
*Poke*[/quote]
now go wash your hands with fire.[/quote]

Fire is so primitive. Wash your hands in this. They'll be so clean they'll shine.

*Quickly blacks out "liquid oxygen" from an open container*[/quote]
Now everyone into the hot tub.[/quote]

*The camera pans up and we see a cliche flurry of flying undergarments of all sorts, types, and sizes flying upwards. *

YIPPEE!

*The camera pans back down to show only Locust disrobed.*

What? Doesn't everyone wear 47 layers of multi-gendered multi-colored underwear?[/quote]
not with holes in the crotches. o.O[/quote]

As much as I'd like to claim deviancy, those are just a result of bad housekeeping. Lousy moths...[/quote]
So..that's why Locust used to be a clown named Floppy...[/quote]
HA HA! Not to scale...[/quote]
I always walk into these things at the worst times.[/quote]

There are no worst times. Only times you wish you could gouge out your mind's eye with two weasels, a ferret, and some duct tape on a chain.[/quote]

Like we're about to do to you? O wait thats a chainsaw

*Cranks up the saw and moves toward Locust*

somebody hold him down; I want to see what clown brain looks like

[Psycho Warrior]

Suddenly I have the greatest desire for a nice medium well steak.

[UFO]

Suddenly I have the greatest desire for a nice medium well steak.

Mm. That does sound good. All I've eaten lately was a bowl of Froot Loops, and that was 4 hours ago.

I wanna eat a steak, 1:30 am or not!

[The Happy Locust]

[quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Sonic"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Halo"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Sonic"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="Halo"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Halo"][quote="Jar Axel"][quote="Psycho Warrior"][quote="Halo"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Sonic"][quote="Tha Tweezrrr"][quote="The Grim Locust"]A smart unhealthy eater comes prepared.

*Locust downs a gigantic mexican meal.*

And now I have exactly 23 seconds before my heart stops.

*Locust runs to a machine, steps inside. The machine rips open Locust's chest, extracts his heart, sucks the cholesterol from the veins, reattaches the heart, and closes his chest*

And now I'm back at a healthy level. Not responsible for loss of arteries due to power failure.

Just make sure the machine doesn't accidentally replace your heart with a baked potato!

You have 3 seconds to live.
Mmmph?
*Pop!*

There's a setting for that. We call it the "tragic comedy and wild takes" setting.

Reminds me of a Slip n' Slide.

Well you grew up with the bleed and spray 5000

I had the horn and gore 600

Obviously your parents were cheap and didn't love you.

Woah... Halo receives a yellow flag and 50 cool points.

SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hey... at least he had an authentic horn and gore-600
All I ended up with was the Malt-O-Meal version "Bloody Horny"[/quote]
Well I enjoyed my slip and bleed 200 as a kid.[/quote]
*cough*underprivaligedwimp*cough*[/quote]
All I had were stairs to fall down...[/quote]
ah you had the poor man's version.[/quote]
Trash bags and veggie oil also make great slides.[/quote]
after the kids are done playing you can put htem in the bag and throw them in the oven.[/quote]
Crispy...[/quote]
MMMMMM... Improvised soylent green.[/quote]
For some reason, that reminds me of something healthy.[/quote]

It's probably the closest to a renewable food source we'd ever get.[/quote]
Soylent green in reality is probably more likely to cause a heart attack than if you were to eat 3 pounds of cheese in one sitting! especially if it's made from overweight lower-middle class men![/quote]

Jeez. People keep telling us to recycle, but when we actually try to put it into practice...[/quote]
Well, if we did we'd have to establish an eating chain. Randy you're first on the list.[/quote]

On second thought, as the largest person here, I'm rethinking my support for the soylent chain.

*goes for a massive gym session*[/quote]

*fells Locust with a 22 long rifle*

get this one in the freezer quik boys we don't want him to spoil[/quote]
yeah, but who'd want to eat anything wearing a thong?[/quote]
Icky.[/quote]
I can think of someone...
*looks discreetly over at randy*[/quote]
no, not even randy.[/quote]

*Locust's memories of this time are foggy, as his body is now nearly completely frozen*

can't... feel... toes...[/quote]
wiggle your big toe... come on... Wiggle damnit.[/quote]

*the alien clientel comes to pick up Locust and sees wigling*

Aaahhhh Goood zeee prooduuccce izz stilll frezzh[/quote]

vaaat izz daaat viggling? Datz noot 'is toe.[/quote]


that would be his "human horn*; considered an aferdesiac by some species[/quote]
Severe his wiggling toe horn![/quote]
I bet it has fungus growing on it.[/quote]
mine does... wanna touch it? [/quote]
*Poke*[/quote]
now go wash your hands with fire.[/quote]

Fire is so primitive. Wash your hands in this. They'll be so clean they'll shine.

*Quickly blacks out "liquid oxygen" from an open container*[/quote]
Now everyone into the hot tub.[/quote]

*The camera pans up and we see a cliche flurry of flying undergarments of all sorts, types, and sizes flying upwards. *

YIPPEE!

*The camera pans back down to show only Locust disrobed.*

What? Doesn't everyone wear 47 layers of multi-gendered multi-colored underwear?[/quote]
not with holes in the crotches. o.O[/quote]

As much as I'd like to claim deviancy, those are just a result of bad housekeeping. Lousy moths...[/quote]
So..that's why Locust used to be a clown named Floppy...[/quote]
HA HA! Not to scale...[/quote]
I always walk into these things at the worst times.[/quote]

There are no worst times. Only times you wish you could gouge out your mind's eye with two weasels, a ferret, and some duct tape on a chain.[/quote]

Like we're about to do to you? O wait thats a chainsaw

*Cranks up the saw and moves toward Locust*

somebody hold him down; I want to see what clown brain looks like[/quote]

Let me ruin the suspense. It's the same as any other male brain. Just with whipped cream in the synapses.

[Shadowman]

*A new store opens next to Locust*Mart. Bigger, badder, and just as zany, if not zanier!*

I present Burning Omega Mart! Or, for short, B.O. Mart...

*Thinks.*

Damnit! DAMNIT! DAMNIT!!

[The Happy Locust]

*A new store opens next to Locust*Mart. Bigger, badder, and just as zany, if not zanier!*

I present Burning Omega Mart! Or, for short, B.O. Mart...

*Thinks.*

Damnit! DAMNIT! DAMNIT!!

Time for my mega-corp to push out the smaller store.

*the entire LocustMart complex transforms into a gigantic robot, stomps B.O. Mart into the ground, then turns back into a store*

[Shadowman]

*A new store opens next to Locust*Mart. Bigger, badder, and just as zany, if not zanier!*

I present Burning Omega Mart! Or, for short, B.O. Mart...

*Thinks.*

Damnit! DAMNIT! DAMNIT!!

Time for my mega-corp to push out the smaller store.

*the entire LocustMart complex transforms into a gigantic robot, stomps B.O. Mart into the ground, then turns back into a store*

DAMNIT!

This is worse than the time I tried to act like I was in Family Guy.

*Hilarious, and completely irrelevent flashback.*

[Psycho Warrior]

*A new store opens next to Locust*Mart. Bigger, badder, and just as zany, if not zanier!*

I present Burning Omega Mart! Or, for short, B.O. Mart...

*Thinks.*

Damnit! DAMNIT! DAMNIT!!

Time for my mega-corp to push out the smaller store.

*the entire LocustMart complex transforms into a gigantic robot, stomps B.O. Mart into the ground, then turns back into a store*

DAMNIT!

This is worse than the time I tried to act like I was in Family Guy.

*Hilarious, and completely irrelevent flashback.*

So that's how you got that tattoo.

[The Happy Locust]

*A new store opens next to Locust*Mart. Bigger, badder, and just as zany, if not zanier!*

I present Burning Omega Mart! Or, for short, B.O. Mart...

*Thinks.*

Damnit! DAMNIT! DAMNIT!!

Time for my mega-corp to push out the smaller store.

*the entire LocustMart complex transforms into a gigantic robot, stomps B.O. Mart into the ground, then turns back into a store*

DAMNIT!

This is worse than the time I tried to act like I was in Family Guy.

*Hilarious, and completely irrelevent flashback.*

So that's how you got that tattoo.

The musical number was catchy. Who knew you could rhyme catatonic?

[Tweezy]

*A new store opens next to Locust*Mart. Bigger, badder, and just as zany, if not zanier!*

I present Burning Omega Mart! Or, for short, B.O. Mart...

*Thinks.*

Damnit! DAMNIT! DAMNIT!!

Time for my mega-corp to push out the smaller store.

*the entire LocustMart complex transforms into a gigantic robot, stomps B.O. Mart into the ground, then turns back into a store*

DAMNIT!

This is worse than the time I tried to act like I was in Family Guy.

*Hilarious, and completely irrelevent flashback.*

So that's how you got that tattoo.

The musical number was catchy. Who knew you could rhyme catatonic?

That one certainly was harmonic!

[The Happy Locust]

*A new store opens next to Locust*Mart. Bigger, badder, and just as zany, if not zanier!*

I present Burning Omega Mart! Or, for short, B.O. Mart...

*Thinks.*

Damnit! DAMNIT! DAMNIT!!

Time for my mega-corp to push out the smaller store.

*the entire LocustMart complex transforms into a gigantic robot, stomps B.O. Mart into the ground, then turns back into a store*

DAMNIT!

This is worse than the time I tried to act like I was in Family Guy.

*Hilarious, and completely irrelevent flashback.*

So that's how you got that tattoo.

The musical number was catchy. Who knew you could rhyme catatonic?

That one certainly was harmonic!

I'm just sad they cut my love scene. It was so tastefully done.

[Jar Axel]

*A new store opens next to Locust*Mart. Bigger, badder, and just as zany, if not zanier!*

I present Burning Omega Mart! Or, for short, B.O. Mart...

*Thinks.*

Damnit! DAMNIT! DAMNIT!!

Time for my mega-corp to push out the smaller store.

*the entire LocustMart complex transforms into a gigantic robot, stomps B.O. Mart into the ground, then turns back into a store*

DAMNIT!

This is worse than the time I tried to act like I was in Family Guy.

*Hilarious, and completely irrelevent flashback.*

So that's how you got that tattoo.

The musical number was catchy. Who knew you could rhyme catatonic?

That one certainly was harmonic!

I'm just sad they cut my love scene. It was so tastefully done.

Since when do Locust and tastful go together? In fact I thought tastful had a five mile restraining order on him.

[The Happy Locust]

*A new store opens next to Locust*Mart. Bigger, badder, and just as zany, if not zanier!*

I present Burning Omega Mart! Or, for short, B.O. Mart...

*Thinks.*

Damnit! DAMNIT! DAMNIT!!

Time for my mega-corp to push out the smaller store.

*the entire LocustMart complex transforms into a gigantic robot, stomps B.O. Mart into the ground, then turns back into a store*

DAMNIT!

This is worse than the time I tried to act like I was in Family Guy.

*Hilarious, and completely irrelevent flashback.*

So that's how you got that tattoo.

The musical number was catchy. Who knew you could rhyme catatonic?

That one certainly was harmonic!

I'm just sad they cut my love scene. It was so tastefully done.

Since when do Locust and tastful go together? In fact I thought tastful had a five mile restraining order on him.

It's a complicated situation. Tasteful says it hates me, but then there it is at my doorstop with a pack of chocolates, a bottle of wine, and a rubber mallot.

[Psycho Warrior]

*A new store opens next to Locust*Mart. Bigger, badder, and just as zany, if not zanier!*

I present Burning Omega Mart! Or, for short, B.O. Mart...

*Thinks.*

Damnit! DAMNIT! DAMNIT!!

Time for my mega-corp to push out the smaller store.

*the entire LocustMart complex transforms into a gigantic robot, stomps B.O. Mart into the ground, then turns back into a store*

DAMNIT!

This is worse than the time I tried to act like I was in Family Guy.

*Hilarious, and completely irrelevent flashback.*

So that's how you got that tattoo.

The musical number was catchy. Who knew you could rhyme catatonic?

That one certainly was harmonic!

I'm just sad they cut my love scene. It was so tastefully done.

Since when do Locust and tastful go together? In fact I thought tastful had a five mile restraining order on him.

It's a complicated situation. Tasteful says it hates me, but then there it is at my doorstop with a pack of chocolates, a bottle of wine, and a rubber mallot.

Which contains the poison? You decide! Call in your vote at 1 800 Giva Rtas

[Tweezy]

*A new store opens next to Locust*Mart. Bigger, badder, and just as zany, if not zanier!*

I present Burning Omega Mart! Or, for short, B.O. Mart...

*Thinks.*

Damnit! DAMNIT! DAMNIT!!

Time for my mega-corp to push out the smaller store.

*the entire LocustMart complex transforms into a gigantic robot, stomps B.O. Mart into the ground, then turns back into a store*

DAMNIT!

This is worse than the time I tried to act like I was in Family Guy.

*Hilarious, and completely irrelevent flashback.*

So that's how you got that tattoo.

The musical number was catchy. Who knew you could rhyme catatonic?

That one certainly was harmonic!

I'm just sad they cut my love scene. It was so tastefully done.

Since when do Locust and tastful go together? In fact I thought tastful had a five mile restraining order on him.

It's a complicated situation. Tasteful says it hates me, but then there it is at my doorstop with a pack of chocolates, a bottle of wine, and a rubber mallot.

Which contains the poison? You decide! Call in your vote at 1 800 Giva Rtas

the first fifteen callers get a free T-shirt!

[UFO]

[quote="Shadowman"]*A new store opens next to Locust*Mart. Bigger, badder, and just as zany, if not zanier!*

I present Burning Omega Mart! Or, for short, B.O. Mart...

*Thinks.*

Damnit! DAMNIT! DAMNIT!!

Time for my mega-corp to push out the smaller store.

*the entire LocustMart complex transforms into a gigantic robot, stomps B.O. Mart into the ground, then turns back into a store*

DAMNIT!

This is worse than the time I tried to act like I was in Family Guy.

*Hilarious, and completely irrelevent flashback.*

So that's how you got that tattoo.

The musical number was catchy. Who knew you could rhyme catatonic?

That one certainly was harmonic!

I'm just sad they cut my love scene. It was so tastefully done.

Since when do Locust and tastful go together? In fact I thought tastful had a five mile restraining order on him.

It's a complicated situation. Tasteful says it hates me, but then there it is at my doorstop with a pack of chocolates, a bottle of wine, and a rubber mallot.

Which contains the poison? You decide! Call in your vote at 1 800 Giva Rtas

the first fifteen callers get a free T-shirt![/quote]
But...I want pants...

[Halo]

[quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Shadowman"]*A new store opens next to Locust*Mart. Bigger, badder, and just as zany, if not zanier!*

I present Burning Omega Mart! Or, for short, B.O. Mart...

*Thinks.*

Damnit! DAMNIT! DAMNIT!!

Time for my mega-corp to push out the smaller store.

*the entire LocustMart complex transforms into a gigantic robot, stomps B.O. Mart into the ground, then turns back into a store*

DAMNIT!

This is worse than the time I tried to act like I was in Family Guy.

*Hilarious, and completely irrelevent flashback.*

So that's how you got that tattoo.

The musical number was catchy. Who knew you could rhyme catatonic?

That one certainly was harmonic!

I'm just sad they cut my love scene. It was so tastefully done.

Since when do Locust and tastful go together? In fact I thought tastful had a five mile restraining order on him.

It's a complicated situation. Tasteful says it hates me, but then there it is at my doorstop with a pack of chocolates, a bottle of wine, and a rubber mallot.

Which contains the poison? You decide! Call in your vote at 1 800 Giva Rtas

the first fifteen callers get a free T-shirt![/quote]
But...I want pants...[/quote]
Buy a kilt. Save on air conditioning costs.

[Psycho Warrior]

[quote="Shadowman"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Shadowman"]*A new store opens next to Locust*Mart. Bigger, badder, and just as zany, if not zanier!*

I present Burning Omega Mart! Or, for short, B.O. Mart...

*Thinks.*

Damnit! DAMNIT! DAMNIT!!

Time for my mega-corp to push out the smaller store.

*the entire LocustMart complex transforms into a gigantic robot, stomps B.O. Mart into the ground, then turns back into a store*

DAMNIT!

This is worse than the time I tried to act like I was in Family Guy.

*Hilarious, and completely irrelevent flashback.*

So that's how you got that tattoo.

The musical number was catchy. Who knew you could rhyme catatonic?

That one certainly was harmonic!

I'm just sad they cut my love scene. It was so tastefully done.

Since when do Locust and tastful go together? In fact I thought tastful had a five mile restraining order on him.

It's a complicated situation. Tasteful says it hates me, but then there it is at my doorstop with a pack of chocolates, a bottle of wine, and a rubber mallot.

Which contains the poison? You decide! Call in your vote at 1 800 Giva Rtas

the first fifteen callers get a free T-shirt![/quote]
But...I want pants...[/quote]
Buy a kilt. Save on air conditioning costs.[/quote]
not only that but gross out your nieghbours, friends, and humilate your family wherever!

[The Happy Locust]

[quote="Bohab Warrior"][quote="Shadowman"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Shadowman"]*A new store opens next to Locust*Mart. Bigger, badder, and just as zany, if not zanier!*

I present Burning Omega Mart! Or, for short, B.O. Mart...

*Thinks.*

Damnit! DAMNIT! DAMNIT!!

Time for my mega-corp to push out the smaller store.

*the entire LocustMart complex transforms into a gigantic robot, stomps B.O. Mart into the ground, then turns back into a store*

DAMNIT!

This is worse than the time I tried to act like I was in Family Guy.

*Hilarious, and completely irrelevent flashback.*

So that's how you got that tattoo.

The musical number was catchy. Who knew you could rhyme catatonic?

That one certainly was harmonic!

I'm just sad they cut my love scene. It was so tastefully done.

Since when do Locust and tastful go together? In fact I thought tastful had a five mile restraining order on him.

It's a complicated situation. Tasteful says it hates me, but then there it is at my doorstop with a pack of chocolates, a bottle of wine, and a rubber mallot.

Which contains the poison? You decide! Call in your vote at 1 800 Giva Rtas

the first fifteen callers get a free T-shirt![/quote]
But...I want pants...[/quote]
Buy a kilt. Save on air conditioning costs.[/quote]
not only that but gross out your nieghbours, friends, and humilate your family wherever![/quote]

Do I even need to respond to that last line?

[Psycho Warrior]

[quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Bohab Warrior"][quote="Shadowman"][quote="The Grim Locust"][quote="Shadowman"]*A new store opens next to Locust*Mart. Bigger, badder, and just as zany, if not zanier!*

I present Burning Omega Mart! Or, for short, B.O. Mart...

*Thinks.*

Damnit! DAMNIT! DAMNIT!!

Time for my mega-corp to push out the smaller store.

*the entire LocustMart complex transforms into a gigantic robot, stomps B.O. Mart into the ground, then turns back into a store*

DAMNIT!

This is worse than the time I tried to act like I was in Family Guy.

*Hilarious, and completely irrelevent flashback.*

So that's how you got that tattoo.

The musical number was catchy. Who knew you could rhyme catatonic?

That one certainly was harmonic!

I'm just sad they cut my love scene. It was so tastefully done.

Since when do Locust and tastful go together? In fact I thought tastful had a five mile restraining order on him.

It's a complicated situation. Tasteful says it hates me, but then there it is at my doorstop with a pack of chocolates, a bottle of wine, and a rubber mallot.

Which contains the poison? You decide! Call in your vote at 1 800 Giva Rtas

the first fifteen callers get a free T-shirt![/quote]
But...I want pants...[/quote]
Buy a kilt. Save on air conditioning costs.[/quote]
not only that but gross out your nieghbours, friends, and humilate your family wherever![/quote]

Do I even need to respond to that last line?[/quote]
Too late. you just did.