Seibertron.com Energon Pub Forums

Tl;dnr in bold.

Okay, here's one for all you Seibertronians. (BTW, hello. Been absent a little while, I know. Burn misses the Ineptibots, I'm sure.)

Anyway, I have a friend who is tight on money. Not irresponsible, just tight. Everyone is at some point.

I've lent her money to cover things here and there (not her idea but mine, before you think I'm being used). But it's getting harder and harder to convince her to accept my help. She's embarrassed about her situation, she doesn't want me bailing her out, she doesn't want me getting into financial trouble as a result, blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda. You know the drill.

Recently she got a flat tire and had to call an ex to give her money for a tow, which came out to $100. I don't know where her spare tire was, but whatever. This was a couple months ago.

Anyway, she's still short on cash and her ex keeps contacting her wondering when she'll pay him back. He's persistent to the point where she's very upset about it. I don't know what he says because I don't hear him/see the texts, but whatever he says, it's shaking her. She intends to pay him back when she can, but she can't yet.

This is where I come in. I don't appreciate this guy pestering her. I know how to contact him, so my idea is to just to meet him and give him the money, tell him this stays between the two of us, and let him know in no uncertain terms to get off her back.

If she pays him later, he'll refuse and say it's all ok. Or he can give the money to charity. Or he can be a douche and get double paid. I really don't care.

(Sidebar: I should say I've met this guy all of twice and he's made it clear in no uncertain terms he doesn't like me. Don't know if that matters, but there it is.)

My question is, is it my place to help? Should I respect her wishes and let her handle things (even though she'll never know about the payoff)? Or should I give him the money and tell him to leave her alone?

Lemme hear it, Seibertonians.

I'd say that you're better off dealing with her than him. You could really damage your friendship if you go behind her back.

You mean if he blabs to her. I don't know why he would, but I she's not the type to let it damage anything.

People's pride can be prickly. She already has a problem taking money from you, exacerbating the situation could do more harm than good. That being said, you know your friend and I don't.

njb902 wrote:I'd say that you're better off dealing with her than him. You could really damage your friendship if you go behind her back.

Exactly. If she doesn't want your help with bailing out, respect that and don't force her into anything. If you pay the ex off in secret, when she finds out (trust me, she will) she will be insulted.

As much as it hurts, truth is you're not in the exact place to help. The ex doesn't like you as it is, no need to make things even worse by starting with him. She doesn't want your help, but fortunately, there may be some leeway with her.
Try and convince her to accept your help to get the ex off her back, then try and make an arrangement for her to pay you back, like a certain amount a month. The second part is mandatory, as it'll feel like an accomplishment to her and it will make her feel less of a leech. Optionally, you two could go over her finances and see what she has to spare every month. Be careful with offering that tho, I think you'll know the reason why.

Piggybacking on what JG said, a lot of social services offices and churches offer financial advice(and aid for that matter).

Okay, I guess I'll lay off for now and let her deal with it. Still don't like that this guy is pestering her.