The Energon Pub

News Credits: 2 · by **Tekka** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 6:39 pm

I am currently in the middle of a work in progress fan fiction, it started with an idea I had ages ago of what would happen if a Decepticon were subjected to what happened to the Autobots in the Season 3 episode "Only Human".

It's very much in beta, but I would like to get people's opinions on it before I start releasing it by chapter.

At the moment it's quite long and some scenes need filling and added description, others need inbetweening so the story flows rather than skips.

Anyhow, to cut a long story short I'd like to know what people think. I'm providing it in HTML format for those would care to download it.

Only Human

News Credits: 2 · by **Tekka** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 8:57 pm

If anybody is reading I have updated with a brief fight inspired by the Magnus VS Skywarp classics twinpack.

I hope someone is reading anyway. ^_^;

by **Night Raid** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 9:17 pm

Wow-ness. I'm liking this, but some parts are beyond me since my knowledge of the series is incomplete.

News Credits: 2 · by **Tekka** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 9:21 pm

I'm glad you're liking it. =) It's a lot of original stuff mixed in with my knowledge of the cartoon, and odd tidbits I picked up from the comics. You don't really need to be a follower of the series to understand it, but I suppose it would help if I don't fill in details on the personalities of the Transformers I use. Sorry about that. I will continue to try my best! Thank you so much for reading.

News Credits: 2 · by **Tekka** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 4:06 pm

Updated with another scene. Anybody reading? :/ It seems fan fiction doesn't get a lot of attention. That's okay though, I can deal with that. It's here should anyone feel like reading.

by **Night Raid** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 4:17 pm

Hey, try Fanfiction.net

News Credits: 2 · by **Tekka** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 4:19 pm

I was thinking about it once it was ready. I had hoped to get input direct from other Transformers fans first though. :cry:

by **Pariah** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 5:01 pm

I've only read the first few chapters so far, but very nice! I enjoyed how you unobtrusively slotted it into the canon storyline. Very neat. Little bit of perspective confusion in the first meeting between Skywarp and the red haired professor. The narrative briefly follows her and reports on her thoughts and actions when she is outside the room:

"The red haired woman, Melissa Haven, suppressed the basic urge to lash out and strike the woman where she stood. Making her way outside, Melissa calmly closed the door behind her, and breathed a heavy sigh."

Whilst this is important to the narrative to demonstrate her relationship with the proffessor, I think it could benefit from relocating into a seperate chapter, told from her point of view. This would break things up a little and add depth to the piece.

"Doctor King returned to his wheelchair, and the raven haired woman stood behind him, her hands folded across her abdomen"

I just dont like the word abdomen heheh.

Other than those two little things its great so far! I look forward to reading the rest :grin:

News Credits: 2 · by **Tekka** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 5:13 pm

Thank you for your comments. My fiancee made the same point you did. That's quite amazing, so now that it's two to one I guess I will have to fix that at some point.

I never really intended to focus much on Kimberley at all, she was just a throw away character, but it couldn't hurt.

Abdomen, I've never had a problem with it but I'll change that too.

Thank you, it means a lot to me that you're taking the time to read it.

by **Pariah** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 5:15 pm

I read like a voracious reading mad bastard thing, so i love anything original i can get my brain into. As soon as i get the time to read the rest i'll let you know what i think :grin:

News Credits: 5 · by **--B--** » Wed Aug 15, 2007 1:27 pm

Very good so far (I'm about half way), but I did notice that the first line refers to 6 TF's in space, but it then switches to 5. I am assuming it is supposed to be Megs, Cracker, Warp, Bombshell, Shrapnel and Kickback, making 6 the right number.

And Virii? The correct plural for virus is viruses. I'm Virologist, so I'm pretty sure on that one.

Just finished the first part. Very good read.

News Credits: 2 · by **Tekka** » Wed Aug 15, 2007 1:53 pm

Oops. =x Will fix that.

And yes, I know that virii isn't a word, viruses has just never sounded good to me. I agonized over which I should use for quite a while. In the end I decided to use it despite it not being correct. It sounds so much better. A lot of people use it though, part of the reason I decided to stick with it, so one day it may be considered correct though... if Ginormous can make it into the dictionary I don't see why Virii can't. =x

Thank you for reading!

by **Pariah** » Wed Aug 15, 2007 6:43 pm

I love your explanation of fem-bots, best ive heard. Couple of spelling mistakes:

“Be careful not to damage the equipment.” Skywarp noted from within the cockpit.

“Thank you for stating the obvious.” Starscream replied angrily.

The white swung his gigantic fist at the attacking humans, smashing them where they stood or knocking them to the ground or into nearby walls. It didn't take him long to put down all the human resistance."

Not strictly a spelling mistake, but you refer to starscream as "The white". I assume the missing word was "seeker"?

"The door to Shockwave's cell slid open, and light flooded inside prompting Shocwave's single yellow eye to flash into life. His head turned towards the door and surveyed the figures standing in the doorway. Shockwave himself was restrained in the most undignified manner, his body stretched and shackled to the floor and ceiling."

Self explanatory. One of the dangers of proper nouns in a spellchecker :grin:

"Shockwave remained silent, he felt no emotion over this decision but quickly scanned through his knowledge of Cybertronian law. Once finished, he remained silent, he had not found anything that would prolong his existence. He had already appealed the decision once before and it was not possible to do so again."

Duplication of the phrase "remained silent". Not a biggy, but just reads slightly odd.

"Berger noded slowly, he could feel a damp warmth spreading between his legs and he stuttered a response which could vaguely be considered an agreement."

Minor spelling error again.

Still really enjoying it! Nearly done!

News Credits: 2 · by **Tekka** » Wed Aug 15, 2007 7:02 pm

Yes, it was meant to be seeker. As I go back and forth over the text and change things around I often forget to put in a word or two. Thanks for the heads up.

Will get those fixed.

Really glad you're enjoying it.

What do you think of the story in general as it stands? I've tried to make it as mature as is possible, despite being based on a children's show. I can't help but feel I've overdone it in some places and made it a bit corny, like in the whole explanatory trip to the coast. Which was really just a tool for me to set up some more background. It's always a bad habit I fall into, making my characters talk far too much.

Though I'd like to think I'm not doing that as badly as the final "battle" scene in a certain book about a school of wizards that dragged on with dialogue for about half an hour. :shock:

by **Pariah** » Wed Aug 15, 2007 7:11 pm

I know what you mean.....

But i'm really enjoying it so far. The story seems to me to be primarily about a spiritual awakening on the part of Skywarp. So far this has been handled excellently, and the more adult themes have been very deft in their execution.

Lots of good imagery too, very evocative. I found myself lingering over this paragraph....

“Good. Remember, oh-three hundred. Or I will start with your pretty little flesh bag children.” Starscream laughed and turned away from Berger, jumping to the air and transforming again. In a matter of seconds he was gone, leaving the petrified man shivering in the cold night air."

Something about it pleases me. I can almost imagine it as a frame in a graphic novel. In fact, scratch the "almost" :grin:

News Credits: 2 · by **Tekka** » Wed Aug 15, 2007 7:25 pm

Thank you so much. Now I'm really pumped to write some more. :grin:

*Gets on with that.*

by **Pariah** » Wed Aug 15, 2007 7:27 pm

*cracks the whip* :grin:

News Credits: 5 · by **--B--** » Thu Aug 16, 2007 7:52 am

ijuintekka wrote:Oops. =x Will fix that.

And yes, I know that virii isn't a word, viruses has just never sounded good to me. I agonized over which I should use for quite a while. In the end I decided to use it despite it not being correct. It sounds so much better. A lot of people use it though, part of the reason I decided to stick with it, so one day it may be considered correct though... if Ginormous can make it into the dictionary I don't see why Virii can't. =x

Thank you for reading!

How about "germ" or "vermin" or "scraplets". It kinds rolls a little better.

I do enjoy the story though. I thought that it would end with Skywarp getting his body back, but I am pleased that is continues.

I just hope that Cyclonus/Thundercracker comes into the story somewhere!

News Credits: 2 · by **Tekka** » Thu Aug 16, 2007 9:47 am

I've been thinking again and I may change it. I don't want anyone thinking I'm illiterate on top of being a hopeless fanboy. :sad:

We shall see.

As for Scourge and Cyclonus, I can't say. =P

News Credits: 5 · by **--B--** » Thu Aug 16, 2007 12:58 pm

ijuintekka wrote:I've been thinking again and I may change it. I don't want anyone thinking I'm illiterate on top of being a hopeless fanboy. We shall see.

As for Scourge and Cyclonus, I can't say. =P

Of course you can say, you're the author

News Credits: 2 · by **Tekka** » Thu Aug 16, 2007 2:56 pm

Small update today. A little Starscream goodness, that I'm actually quite proud of. I wasn't too sure how I'd kick start things from here but I think it's shaping up quite nicely.

News Credits: 2 · by **Tekka** » Sun Aug 19, 2007 2:18 pm

Have updated today with a new segment. Also the text has been reorganized into chapters with a quick chapter reference.

by **KingScallop** » Sun Aug 19, 2007 5:22 pm

Whoa, this is gripping stuff. MOAR. PASKY NEED MOAR!

News Credits: 2 · by **Tekka** » Sun Aug 19, 2007 5:38 pm

Thank you for reading. I'm glad you're enjoying it. I'll try to get you some more before I leave for my vacation.

News Credits: 2 · by **Tekka** » Wed Aug 22, 2007 8:53 pm

Fixed minor spelling errors, and changed some sentences that didn't make sense.

Going on vacation today, so no more updates for three weeks, at which point I'll probably have to dig this post out of the depths of the forum.

Please leave some comments if you're reading.

In the mean time I shall be enjoying some quality time with my fiancee, more story when I get back!