POLITIFORMERS: More than eye for eye!

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POLITIFORMERS: More than eye for eye!

Postby Simplify » Sat Nov 08, 2014 4:05 pm

Preface: This series pretty much wrote itself, the way that the cartoon characters and the real ones (which is which again?) matched up. Though it's from a certain ideological angle—found to a degree in the original cartoons themselves—it does take on politicians from both US political parties, and each part in the series is somewhat balanced out by the next. I hope that G1 fans of all stripes enjoy it, especially those who followed US national and international news in the 2000s.


POLITIFORMERS I:
Republicons - Sorcerers of Mass Destruction


POLITIFORMERS: Robots our demise!
( Part I - II - III - IV - V - VI )


Little did you know that many of our most prominent politicians are actually super-powerful robots, hiding in our midst. This series profiles the Politiformers in the first decade of the new millennium, the Republicons and the Demobots.

Here in Part I be the Republicons who led the charge into war with Planet Iraq. Well, the purely rhetorical part of the charge, that is. Know them well:

REPUBLICONS
Decepticans, whatever—you don't even really have to change the name.
Image

Shockrove
Image
Karl Rove
FUNCTION: WHITE HOUSE DEPUTY CHIEF OF STAFF
“We're history's actors… and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do.”

With laser gun focus, he perpetually mans the controls and tries to keep the mighty Wurlitzer running. "The fools I have to work with," he grumbles, as he stares with that beady eye. Just don't watch his attempt at rap; you'll forever be scarred by his stiff-jointed performance, no joke. (Why did you watch that? I warned you!) When he's not turning puny worker robots into slag, apparently he collects stamps, or something.

Soundwell
Image
Colin Powell
FUNCTION: SECRETARY OF STATE
”You break it, you own it.”

Loyal, versatile, and highly proficient, he always follows orders to a "T," especially when it comes to misinformation and cover-ups. Heck, he's a tape recorder, and one who learned well from Nixon's mistakes. He commands major respect from some Demobots despite the fact that he chooses to take orders from Republicon leaders. What the hey; when he transforms, conservation of mass seems not to apply to him either.

Kickfeld
Image
Donald Rumsfeld
FUNCTION: SECRETARY OF DEFENSE
“I'm not into this detail stuff. I'm more concepty.”

"We must feed (must feed) the empire (the empire)! People are suffering as a consequence, you say? This whole thing might be worse than for naught, you contend? How do you know that? Besides, too bad, stuff happens (stuff happens)." Fancies himself some kind of philosophizing intellectual, but really he's just got bugs for brains.

Scourgie
Image
Scott "Scottie"* McClellan
FUNCTION: WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY
“The President's views have been very—have been made very clear. Go ahead.”

Trepidatious and cowardly, he only acts forcefully after he's sure he's safe. C'mon, Scourgie, give it up already, we all know your heart's not really in it! To be sure, that aspect does lend him a certain entertaining air, which makes him the *crowd favorite among the otherwise interchangeable Press Sweepretaries.

You think journalist Glenn Greenwald gets scoops? I'll show you some dang scoops. To be sure, that's to be taken literally—check these out:

Neoconstructicons
Image
Neoconservative ideologues
FUNCTION: ADMINISTRATION OFFICIALS
“I think, in this case, international law stood in the way of doing the right thing.”

Long-range planners, they keep trying to form ShockastatAwe and blatantly crush another unfortunate civilization, but they haven't quite gotten the band back together since 2003.

Thunderleezza
Image
Condoleezza Rice
FUNCTION: NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISOR, SECRETARY OF STATE
“We don't want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud.”

Everything is always like the Cold War with the planet Russia; it's what she knows best. Reserved unless provoked, she works behind the scenes. Pity the robot on the receiving end of her stare of death.

Wumble
Image
George W. Bush
FUNCTION: PRESIDENT
“They hate our freedoms.”

Pipsqueak punk just likes to break stuff. Yeah, sure, he'll tell you that he's bringing about a "peeance, freeance secure planet Iraq." Gee, that's deep.

Megadick
Image
Dick Cheney
FUNCTION: VICE PRESIDENT
“So?”

His ruthlessness and cunning, combined with his insatiable thirst for energy resources and the eagerness with which he employs destructive force, put him atop the Republicon dogpile. When you're all gun and no heart... Actually, scratch that, even implanting a live, beating heart didn't help. He is so powerful and feared that, when he personally blasted a fellow Republicon in the face, the associate apologized to him. Let's just hope he doesn't get reincarnated as Galvadick. (shudder)

This is the first in a five-part series exposing the long-held secrets of the Politiformers:
  1. Republicons - Sorcerers of Mass Destruction
  2. Demobots - The Inauspicious Study of Discernible Reality
  3. Republicons - Pillage of the Doomed
  4. Demobots - The Best and the Shiniest
  5. The Rest of Us - Some Robots Are More Equal Than Others
  6. Epilogue - Beyond Good, Beyond Evil, Beyond His Vilest Imagination
Tune in BELOW for the next exciting episode of... the POLITIFORMERS!
(Theme song trumpet playout) Dah dah dah DAHHH, Dah dah DAH dah dahhh...

Obtain the author's permission before reproducing this article in large part or in full. All Transformers comparisons in this post refer to (and in turn parody!) the "Generation 1" cartoon and movie (1984-1987), in the style of "tech specs." Any crossover from that newfangled Michael Bay stuff is purely coincidental, I assure you. Imagery sourcing is fair use due to parody/commentary purpose, small size, and new composition. There is no affiliation with Hasbro or with the Democratic or Republican National Committees.
Last edited by Simplify on Sat Jun 10, 2017 1:44 am, edited 17 times in total.
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POLITIFORMERS: More than eye for eye! Part II

Postby Simplify » Sat Nov 08, 2014 7:51 pm

POLITIFORMERS II:
Demobots - The Inauspicious Study of Discernible Reality


POLITIFORMERS: Robots our demise!
( Part I - II - III - IV - V - VI )


Little did you know that many of our most prominent politicians are actually super-powerful robots, hiding in our midst. This series profiles the Politiformers in the first decade of the new millennium, the Republicons and the Demobots.

Here in Part II be the Demobots who legislated their way to... a measured retreat? I know, I know what you're thinking, life imitates art imitates life, first as comedy, second as farce. Well, hey, I'm not here to dissuade you!

DEMOBOTS
Don't reverse the name mashup, or you might get ideas.
Image

Ironhidededy
Image
Ted Kennedy
FUNCTION: SENATOR
“The work goes on… and the dream shall never die.”

Battle-scarred and dependable, he's a team player who gruffly reminds everyone to do what's practical and to get cracking. Minivans are quite practical, are they not? Just don’t expect him to surprise you and pop a wheelie or anything.

Cosmosich
Image
Dennis Kucinich
FUNCTION: REPRESENTATIVE
“You're looking at a ‘bot who believes he can beat a rigged game.”

He may seem kinda spacey, but that's so superficial. He's seen a lot, and he tries, man, he tries. (Sorry, Dennis, you deserve a better-looking robot than that, but... the tie matches?)

Jazzyers
Image
John Conyers
FUNCTION: HOUSE JUDICIARY COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN
“A failed impeachment of Wumble and Megadick would have been trumpeted by their allies as a vindication.”

He was righteously valiant back when he was trying to bring down the tyrannical Republicon leader (is there any other kind?) in the 1970s, but nowadays that disco just sounds like a lot of noise.

Wexlerglide
Image
Robert Wexler
FUNCTION: REPRESENTATIVE
“I enjoy cocaine because it's a fun thing to do.”

Excitable and daring, he engages in combat at the drop of a hat. Kind of a bit player, to be sure, though once he’s got your attention, he’ll never let you forget about him. Another Wexlerglide message from the Wexlerglide Campaign, wexlerglidewantshearings.com… Okay, sheesh, we get it!

Leecomber
Image
Barbara Lee
FUNCTION: REPRESENTATIVE
“I said, ‘Oh, no, don't worry. There will be others.’ When there weren’t, I said, ‘Oh my God.’ I could not believe it. It was an awesome feeling. And a lonely feeling.”

Lady was dang right to try to stop the war. What’s the deal with how, at the end of the TV episode, it seems like the friggin’ hippies had it right all along?

Gearry
Image
Harry Reid
FUNCTION: SENATE MAJORITY LEADER
“The rest of us were wrong or most of us anyway. What a shame.”

Oh, so tough, Gearry! Why do you keep getting everyone into so much trouble? Perhaps it's because you're crusty and you don't like change.

Bumblestone
Image
Paul Wellstone
FUNCTION: SENATOR
“I'm not making a decision I don't believe in.”

Independently-minded, kind, humble, and morally centered, he's humans' best friend. Why doesn't everyone listen to him more often? It’s as though they don’t want to hear what the little guy has to say.

Ultruss Magnold
Image
Russ Feingold
FUNCTION: SENATOR
“They want both security and liberty, and unless we give them both—and we can if we try—we have failed.”

He can't quite seem to get a grip on power (ahem), but (or, rather, because?) he has impeccable principles and solid mechanics. Even out of power, he's going to self-sacrificingly champion the Demobotic cause. Sometimes he takes too high of a road and overestimates the legitimacy of other robots' actions. Regardless, can't help but compare him to the other car carriers rolling along the highway, and they don't measure up.

Pelatchet
Image
Nancy Pelosi
FUNCTION: SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE
“Embrace the suck.”

A Demobotic stalwart and a pioneering leader, she is impressively resourceful at keeping the machinery in high running condition, with all axles fully greased. A careful one, she never takes drastic action, even when it's desperately called for.

This is the second in a five-part series exposing the long-held secrets of the Politiformers:
  1. Republicons - Sorcerers of Mass Destruction
  2. Demobots - The Inauspicious Study of Discernible Reality
  3. Republicons - Pillage of the Doomed
  4. Demobots - The Best and the Shiniest
  5. The Rest of Us - Some Robots Are More Equal Than Others
  6. Epilogue - Beyond Good, Beyond Evil, Beyond His Vilest Imagination
Tune in NEXT WEEK for the next exciting episode of... the POLITIFORMERS!
(Theme song trumpet playout) Dah dah dah DAHHH, Dah dah DAH dah dahhh...

Obtain the author's permission before reproducing this article in large part or in full. All Transformers comparisons in this post refer to (and in turn parody!) the "Generation 1" cartoon and movie (1984-1987). Imagery sourcing is fair use due to parody/commentary purpose, small size, and new composition.
Last edited by Simplify on Sat Jun 10, 2017 1:44 am, edited 11 times in total.
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POLITIFORMERS: More than eye for eye! Part III

Postby Simplify » Wed Jan 28, 2015 11:42 am

POLITIFORMERS III:
Republicons - Pillage of the Doomed


POLITIFORMERS: Robots our demise!
( Part I - II - III - IV - V - VI )


Little did you know that many of our most prominent politicians are actually super-powerful robots, hiding in our midst. This series profiles the Politiformers in the first decade of the new millennium, the Republicons and the Demobots.

Here in Part III be the Republicons who carried out their unfeeling schemes of exploitation, or who at least tried to real hard but then ran into some feeble remnants of objective reality and quit and bailed. It was a Reagan-era act of deregulation (98 FCC 2d 1076 [1984, PDF], to be exact) that set these awesome, er, loathsome automatons off and running rampant. Behold:

REPUBLICONS
Decepticans, whatever—you don't even really have to change the name.
Image
Republican Party officials

Gingscream
Image
Newt Gingrich
FUNCTION: FORMER SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE
“I have enormous personal ambition. I want to shift the entire planet. And I’m doing it.”

Always trying to stage some kind of coup, he flails about, makes a lot of noise, never lets his obvious faults get in the way of calling others out on them, and has no compunction about going after Politiformers on his own team. When he does manage to take over, the whole thing goes to hell in a hurry. Amazingly, enough Republicons continue to pay him sufficient heed that he can keep coming back for more.

Ashcrust
Image
John Ashcroft
FUNCTION: ATTORNEY GENERAL
“Why are we talking about this in the White House? History will not judge this kindly.”

Cone-headed and ugly, but complicated, he did his best work while out of commission in the heavy maintenance hangar. (By the way, why am I getting the idea that these guys were all made from the same mold?) All that aside, you should hear him sing the glories of flight! “Let the eeeaagle soooaaaar, like she’s never soared befooooore…”

Palinbeak
Image
Sarah Palin
FUNCTION: FORMER ALASKA GOVERNOR
“I see our country being able to represent those things that can be looked to… as that leadership, that light needed across the world.”

"Squaaaaawk! I can hear planet Russia from my tape deck!" That's great. Now cut it out with the buzzing around and gratuitously firing lasers at hapless critters. And don't look now, but a bird of a feather brings ill portent for your political future.

Bomblay
Image
Tom Delay
FUNCTION: HOUSE MAJORITY LEADER
“It's never been proven that air toxics are hazardous to people.”

His favorite trick is to implant a "brain bug" remote-control device into other robots: "You must hire Republicons, you must hire Republicons..." One kind of gets the feeling that, had he more self-awareness about being a beetle, it would wipe that grin off his face and actually bring about overwhelming self-loathing, although I can't quite put my rolled-up newspaper on why.

Astrocain
Image
John McCain
FUNCTION: SENATOR
“You're gonna have to shut up, or I’m gonna have you arrested… Get outta here, you low-life scum.”

Ah yes, a triple-changer: "I'm an mavericky moderate! I'm a rabid, reckless right-winger!" (On second thought, don't watch that video, in which he sings “Bomb Bomb Bomb, Bomb Planet Iran” without even batting an eye.) "But wait, I'm also a corporate hack! Whatever, you morons, I have it all, get out of the way and put me in charge!" I mean, really, a steam locomotive? Talk about obsolete thinking.

Cyclomney
Image
Mitt Romney
FUNCTION: FORMER MASSACHUSETTS GOVERNOR
“Corporations are people, my friend.”

Perpetually sleek, cynical, and insincere, nobody likes him. And yet, he could be powerful someday, out of sheer wealth and persistence.

...Or not.

This is the third in a five-part series exposing the long-held secrets of the Politiformers:
  1. Republicons - Sorcerers of Mass Destruction
  2. Demobots - The Inauspicious Study of Discernible Reality
  3. Republicons - Pillage of the Doomed
  4. Demobots - The Best and the Shiniest
  5. The Rest of Us - Some Robots Are More Equal Than Others
  6. Epilogue - Beyond Good, Beyond Evil, Beyond His Vilest Imagination
Tune in BELOW for the next exciting episode of... the POLITIFORMERS!
(Theme song trumpet playout) Dah dah dah DAHHH, Dah dah DAH dah dahhh...

Obtain the author's permission before reproducing this article in large part or in full. All Transformers comparisons in this post refer to (and in turn parody!) the "Generation 1" cartoon and movie (1984-1987). Imagery sourcing is fair use due to parody/commentary purpose, small size, and new composition.
Last edited by Simplify on Sat Jun 10, 2017 1:45 am, edited 6 times in total.
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POLITIFORMERS: More than eye for eye! Part IV

Postby Simplify » Wed Jan 28, 2015 12:55 pm

POLITIFORMERS IV:
Demobots - The Best and the Shiniest


POLITIFORMERS: Robots our demise!
( Part I - II - III - IV - V- VI )


Little did you know that many of our most prominent politicians are actually super-powerful robots, hiding in our midst. This series profiles the Politiformers in the first decade of the new millennium, the Republicons and the Demobots.

Here in Part IV be the Demobots who manned (or, at least, sought) their executive posts with, erm, fortitude and distinction. Let us start... with the tail end of the credits: "The characters and events in this motion picture are fictional and have no relation to any real persons, living or dead." Pshaw. Whatevs, Hasbro. Heck, back when they made the show in the 1980s, they even set the movie in 2005! Well, I guess the lawyers did leave open "real persons yet to come." Here, see for yourself:

DEMOBOTS
Don't reverse the name mashup, or you might get ideas.
Image

Alpha Clinton
Image
Bill Clinton
FUNCTION: FORMER PRESIDENT
“I feel your pain.”

The prototypical New Demobot: the rest of 'em are just also-rans. Heck, he's merged consciousness with Washingtron's core.

Gorefire
Image
Al Gore
FUNCTION: FORMER VICE PRESIDENT
“Let there be no doubt, while I strongly disagree with the court's decision, I accept it.”

He is a mighty warrior of great stature, though he disengages from messy combat too readily and at some point kind of checked out. I guess he was a bit of a New Demobot back in the day anyways. He seems to be of a more advanced technology. As he is made of metal, he's a little stiff. (That's a cheap shot—they're all made of metal!) You know, were he in charge, he never woulda attacked the planet Iraq, and he was dang right about that high-mileage maintenance lockbox.

Lieber-1
Image
Joe Lieberman
FUNCTION: SENATOR
“In matters of war we undermine presidential credibility at our nation's peril.”

A GoToWarBot? You're no Demobot. You suck!

Percepterry
Image
John Kerry
FUNCTION: SENATOR
“How do you ask a 'bot to be the last 'bot to die for a mistake?”

A solid technocrat, he cleans up other Demobots' interplanetary messes, and he thoroughly—and I mean microscopically—inspects both sides of everything before acting. Heck, he overthought himself right out of winning leadership of the whole shebang. You'd expect he'd have a little more consistency as a peacemonger, given his background. Still, he's got staying power.

Howard Rod
Image
Howard Dean
FUNCTION: FORMER VERMONT GOVERNOR, PARTY CHAIRMAN
“The truth is, the power to change this world is in your hands, not mine.”

He's fiery, and he seems impulsive, but what the hey, the Demobots shoulda given him the Matrix of Leadership in 2004. Maybe he could've used it to light our darkest hour, or something. At least the rank and file helped get him the Command Chair of the Demobotic spaceship, over the New Demobot-types' best efforts.

Jacks
Image
Joe Biden
FUNCTION: VICE PRESIDENT
“In Washingtron, a gaffe is when you tell the truth. So, be careful.”

Smooth and urbane, he... Aw, what the heck, it doesn't really fit, but who cares, look at those flames on the hood! Why the red face, though? Must be from his latest gaffe.

Hilljack
Image
Hillary Clinton
FUNCTION: SECRETARY OF STATE
“We did some things that we are not particularly proud of, but we did have a kind of overarching framework about what we were trying to do.”

Pragmatic and versatile, and never one to shy from a fight, she earned her racing stripes trying to build a universal tune-up and repair network back in the Alpha Clinton administration. Curse that Republicon sabotage! She's always burning the midnight oil at her machine shop, working on some powerful new device. A little too powerful of a device...

Baracktimus Prime
Image
Barack Obama
FUNCTION: PRESIDENT
“I don’t oppose all wars. What I am opposed to is a dumb war.”

A monumental example to the rest of the Demobots, he exudes thoughtful assuredness and authority. His political rise was like the truck rolling down the highway that he is. (By the way, where does that semi-trailer full of support gear go when he's not in campaign trail mode?) Still, he so often fights on the Demobots' own turf, pulls their punches, knowingly walks them into traps, and does things that leave you wondering what's really going on, you begin to think that the major plot points follow a script written on behalf of owners of large corporations, who are trying to get you to become true-believer fans so that you'll buy their stuff and fork over even more of your money. Nah, that couldn't be it. Could it?

This is the fourth in a five-part series exposing the long-held secrets of the Politiformers:
  1. Republicons - Sorcerers of Mass Destruction
  2. Demobots - The Inauspicious Study of Discernible Reality
  3. Republicons - Pillage of the Doomed
  4. Demobots - The Best and the Shiniest
  5. The Rest of Us - Some Robots Are More Equal Than Others
  6. Epilogue - Beyond Good, Beyond Evil, Beyond His Vilest Imagination
Tune in NEXT WEEK for the next exciting episode of... the POLITIFORMERS!
(Theme song trumpet playout) Dah dah dah DAHHH, Dah dah DAH dah dahhh...

Obtain the author's permission before reproducing this article in large part or in full. All Transformers comparisons in this post refer to (and in turn parody!) the "Generation 1" cartoon and movie (1984-1987). Imagery sourcing is fair use due to parody/commentary purpose, small size, and new composition.
Last edited by Simplify on Sat Jun 10, 2017 1:46 am, edited 4 times in total.
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Re: POLITIFORMERS: More than eye for eye!

Postby G1OPT1MU5PR1M3 » Sun Feb 08, 2015 12:05 pm

Bro, this is the sickest concept I have ever seen... i love it
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Re: POLITIFORMERS: More than eye for eye!

Postby CrankyOldTruck » Sun Feb 08, 2015 12:48 pm

Motto: ""Experience,lad... you should learn to appreciate it!""
Weapon: Old-Style Musket Laser
I'll give you this much... you managed to create something unique. I can't decide whether to roll around on the floor in complete fits of laughter or huddle in a corner and feel absolutely violated in the most horrific manner possible.
So, I guess I'll just have to say, ummm... good job?? :???: :P
I'm a cigar chomping, Energon guzzling, crotchety old bot that's tough as nails, two days older than dirt, can out grouch Ironhide, out-complain Huffer, leave Bluestreak speechless with a single glare and make Grimlock back down in a stare-off. If you're nice, and extremely lucky, I may only tell you to go blow it out your exhaust pipe!
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Intelligence: 9
Speed: 6
Endurance: 9
Rank: 8
Courage: 10
Firepower: 5
Skill: 8

POLITIFORMERS: More than eye for eye! Part V

Postby Simplify » Thu Feb 12, 2015 4:54 pm

POLITIFORMERS V:
The Rest of Us - Some Robots Are More Equal Than Others


POLITIFORMERS: Robots our demise!
( Part I - II - III - IV - V - VI )


Little did you know that many of our most prominent politicians are actually super-powerful robots, hiding in our midst. This series profiles the Politiformers in the first decade of the new millennium, the Republicons and the Demobots.

Here in Part V be everyone else who, with varying degrees of trepidation, shares the galaxy with the Politiformers. About these amazing revelations of identities hidden in plain sight, there's an old saying: "Fool me once, shame on... shame on you. You fool me, you can't get fooled again." Um, right. Anyways, onward:

EVERYONE ELSE

Republicons
Image
Republican officials
FUNCTION: POLITICAL PARTY
“Have you punched a hippie today?”

Evil, or incompetent? Haha, trick question! Gotta say, this whole thing kind of breaks down from the get-go when you consider that the make-believe cartoon characters actually fight in their own wars. But hey, you go to metaphor with the robot army you have, not the robot army you might want. Careful there, or you might start to question why some of the Politiformers' transformations aren't really much of a disguise. Anyways... Republicons, ATTACK!

Demobots
Image
Democratic officials
FUNCTION: POLITICAL PARTY
“…”
[We can’t let ourselves have a slogan. People might expect something of us.]

Descended from peaceful worker robots, their main weakness is that they can't fly. But then every once in a while some of them do anyway. Something about "keeping our powder dry?" Never mind that... Demobots, ROLL OUT!

Corporassons
Image
Oil, armaments, cigarette, food, drug, telecommunications, etc. industrial enterprises
FUNCTION: MULTINATIONAL CORPORATIONS
“We never forget who we’re working for.”

Multi-faced, soulless, ageless, and inherently evil, they just can't help themselves from pulling strings behind the scenes. Amoral, or immoral? Haha, trick question!

Lobbicons
Image
Jack Abramoff and fellow influence peddlers
FUNCTION: LOBBYISTS
“We would certainly try to make the activity legal, if we could. At times we didn't care.”

They serve the Corporassons' every whim. Relentlessly persistent, they seem to have some kind of hive mind. Sorta fickle, though.

Uniburton
Image
Halliburton
FUNCTION: MILITARY/INDUSTRIAL COMPANY
“The solutions people”

In either its mercenary pillage-happy Viking mode or its only-slightly-more-subtle globular industrial contractor form, it feeds on natural resources and the destruction of civilizations in order to further expand its reach and concentrate its power. Though Megadick proclaims independence from Uniburton, it and he are inextricably intertwined, both in terms of influence and cashola. Uniburton's only weakness is one wee little thing: the One True Ring that can only be destroyed... Wait, no, wrong story. It's the Fifth Element, not earth, fire, wind, or... Dangit, no! It's the good side of the Force... Aw, heck. Well, anyways: it's what the Politiformers are supposed to stand for but all too often don't.

Washingtron
Image
Washington, D.C.
FUNCTION: CAPITAL CITY
[He said, she said]

Demobots and Republicons fight back and forth for control of this city-planet, the fate of which has great impact on Earth. Neither side can ever seem to vanquish the other for good. (Can't quite put your finger on it, but does something in there seem a tad inconsistent with other parts of the premise? Too bad, welcome to the Politiformers!)

Humans
Image
Homo sapiens
FUNCTION: POPULACE
“Imagine all the people, sharing all the world…”

Uh, I guess that would be us hapless souls. Also known as "flesh creatures," if you ask Megadick. (But please don't. The less he thinks about us, the better.) Good luck keeping the planet in livable condition!

This is the last in a five-part series exposing the long-held secrets of the Politiformers:
  1. Republicons - Sorcerers of Mass Destruction
  2. Demobots - The Inauspicious Study of Discernible Reality
  3. Republicons - Pillage of the Doomed
  4. Demobots - The Best and the Shiniest
  5. The Rest of Us - Some Robots Are More Equal Than Others
  6. Epilogue - Beyond Good, Beyond Evil, Beyond His Vilest Imagination
Thus concludes this season’s FINAL EPISODE of... the POLITIFORMERS!
(Theme song trumpet playout) Dah dah dah DAHHH, Dah dah DAH dah dahhh...

Obtain the author's permission before reproducing this article in large part or in full. All Transformers comparisons in this post refer to (and in turn parody!) the "Generation 1" cartoon and movie (1984-1987). Any crossover from that newfangled Michael Bay stuff is purely coincidental, I assure you. Imagery sourcing is fair use due to parody/commentary purpose, small size, and new composition.
Last edited by Simplify on Sat Jun 10, 2017 1:43 am, edited 1 time in total.
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POLITIFORMERS: More than eye for eye! Epilogue

Postby Simplify » Sat Jun 10, 2017 12:37 am

POLITIFORMERS VI:
Epilogue - Oh Michael Bay, you don't know the half about The Donald


Sure, Michael Bay, go ahead, have your fun, make your Donald-inspired dystopian film. Guess what? It’s already all too real. And guess what else, something you should well know from the latest smash-’em-up that you’re about to release? There’s more there than you realize.


POLITIFORMERS: Beyond Good, Beyond Evil, Beyond His Vilest Imagination!
( Part I - II - III - IV - V - VI )


Little did you know that many of our most prominent politicians are actually super-powerful robots, hiding in our midst. This series profiles the Politiformers in the first decade of the new millennium, the Republicons and the Demobots.

No one thought that, riding supposed popular demand, the Politiformers story would ever quite go so far as to exhaust all sense, stretch spectacle into absurdity, extract the last drop of profitabilty, and make it all the way to its (admittedly logical) imperial-collapse end state. But now, here we are. And it just keeps going:

EPILOGUE

Galvadon
Image
President* Donald Trump
“You know, half these guys [say], ‘Torture doesn't work.’ Believe me, it works. Okay?”

Well, don’t say the cartoon didn’t warn you. The saner of his compatriots issue blatant cries for help and try to tie him down with interventionist constraints, but his level of craziness is so off-the-charts that it’s no use. His earlier self didn’t think things would work out this way, but now that they have, he subjects everyone on the planet to his every wrathful whim. The only forseeable end is in destruction: his own presidency’s, his enemies’, or everyone’s. How will we ever get out of this one? Tune in tomorrow!

* Loser of the popular vote, i.e. democracy

This is the epilogue to a five-part series exposing the long-held secrets of the Politiformers:
  1. Republicons - Sorcerers of Mass Destruction
  2. Demobots - The Inauspicious Study of Discernible Reality
  3. Republicons - Pillage of the Doomed
  4. Demobots - The Best and the Shiniest
  5. The Rest of Us - Some Robots Are More Equal Than Others
  6. Epilogue - Beyond Good, Beyond Evil, Beyond His Vilest Imagination
Back when I wrote the series, there was no one crazy enough for a proper fit with the Galvatron character… aaaand now there is. And are, by the basketful. So much for... the POLITIFORMERS!
(Theme song trumpet playout) Dah dah dah DAHHH, Dah dah DAH dah dahhh...

Obtain the author's permission before reproducing this article in large part or in full. All Transformers comparisons in this post refer to (and in turn parody!) the "Generation 1" cartoon and movie (1984-1987), in the style of "tech specs." Imagery sourcing is fair use due to parody/commentary purpose, small size, and new composition. There is no affiliation with Hasbro or with the Democratic or Republican National Committees.
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Transformers Podcast: Twincast / Podcast #188 - Mutinous Intent
Twincast / Podcast #188:
"Mutinous Intent"
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Posted: Monday, November 13th, 2017