The Energon Pub

This was on the notice board at work, so i decided to photocopy it while I was supposed to be working... well, actually I'd just given someone supps and was waiting for them to work:


Did you hear abotu the nruse who died and went straight to hell??...... it took her two weeks to realise she wasn't at work!!

You know you're a nurse if:

You would like ot meet the inventor of the call bell some night in a dark alley.

Your sense of humour gets more warped each year.

Almost everythign can seem humourous.... eventually.

You know the smell of different diarrhoea well enough to identify it.

You can tell the pharamist more about the medication they are dispensing then they know.

You check the called ID on your day off to see if anyone form the hospital is trying to call and ask you to work.

You've been telling stories in a resturant and made someone at another table throw up.

You notice you've been using more 4 letter words than you did before you started nursing.

Everytime someone asks you for a pen you can find at least four of them on you.

You've told a confused patient that your name was that of your co-worker and to holler if they need help.

Your bladder can expand to the size of a water tank.

You find yourself checking out other customer's veins in the grocery waiting lines.

You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers at the mall for fear that they will drop near you and you'll hae to do CPR on your day off.

Your finger has gone places you never thought possible.

You've seen more pen!$e$ than any prost!tute.

--

If you've not a nruse and have been sent this by a friend who is, its just to help you understand our mindset and the questionable mental status/sanity. Most of the time we function in spite of this sick sense of humour, fairly normally and very responsibly.

Scary huh!?!

This forum is in desperate need of original Poohy work stories

Burn wrote:This forum is in desperate need of original Poohy work stories

I second that motion. And that list was funny.

Burn wrote:This forum is in desperate need of original Poohy work stories

If you really want some.... I was going to post some but I wasn't sure if the Mods would be up to such pusy antics... hehe.

Boil Delights

The problem with boils is that their copious amounts of pus can oftentimes be difficult to locate... such was the case of a woman at work who had one on her hair line at the back of her head. As such no one really knew it was there... until...

My co-worker chum and I had to toilet the ladies, the woman was slumping in her chair (as she does), so I reached around with my arm to support the back of her neck and head as we leant her forward enough to get her in the hoist, I felt something really hot and damp against my arm... she roared as boils are most painful... I earned a punch to the guts for it, then I felt something running down my bare arm.

Sh1t it stank like a dead cat stuffed with dead fish. It'd obviously been there for a while, and the pus had the consistancy of rotten milk, only it was a yellow colour with flecks of red and brown. What made it extra nasty was I hadn't waxed my arms in a while so all the pus got stuck in the little hairs!! (Its a wise percaution to remove hair from arms... even the little ones, cos the elderlies can grab them with their crocked fingers and rip). Then, if that wasn't bad enough the lady rubbed the back of her neck then smeared pus down my pants. And it was all lumpy and yellow and stained. And stinky, very, very stinky.

I swear my pants still reek of it, and there's a big stain on the chair where she lent back.

Disorge + Tripe = ...

There's an old man who will only eat tripe.

He's a real arse hole.

He treats us all like slaves and is very, very racist.

He tries to make himself throw up and blames us for not giving him anti-emetics when HE denies them!

He decided to puke up tripe, on the carpet in the hall way.

We have a new kitten at work... guess who had the meal of their life that day?

Guess who had to clean it up...

No one went near the kitten for quite a few days because his breath smelt like tripe and vomit.

Just like a monkey

A lady who calls everyone else "the devil" (but not me, cos she likes me), shoved her hands down her pants, shat in them, then flung it round the lounge, nailing the fish tank.

Clotty McFee

A guy with a SPC has a MASSIVE infection in it, producing a smell so pungent no matter how much spray you use the place still stinks... (not as bad as the tripe vomit cat breath). Other day we went in to clean him up cos he was bed ridden and crapped himself, he had huge clots of blood oozing out of his "member", which is not where the catheter tube comes out of. There was blood all in the bed and he'd gotten his hands in it and then rubbed his face and hair, and removed his dentures, which were now covered in bladder blood clots that stunk. What made it worse, was some dumb arse hadn't latched the tubing so the dark, stinky urine went all over the floor and we walked in it.

More to come... if I don't "join the band".

that's more like it. man I've missed these stories. I even had to eat some chips while I read this.

I'll post some more in a few days... the library's about to shut and one of the women is heading towards me and the last thing I need is Seibertron.com on the d@mn nanny card. It's bad enough I can't access eBay.

Bastards.

Nevermind.