The Energon Pub

[The Happy Locust]

Don't eat Wheelimus's cake, it's made out of people! ... who taste bad!

Wheelimus's cake is a horrible creature whom no one knows how he came to be. Some say he was formed in the sewers, others say he was the result of a mystic spell that back-fired, or perhaps science gone horribly horribly awry.. but regardless of how he was created....he's 100% excrement and he was made from the feces of the 666 evilest people who ever lived. Theres a little Hitler, A Touch of Ed Gein, and a Half pound of Jeffrey Dahmer.

Cake happens. Just pray he never happens to you.

*whistling nonchalantly, Locust gently slides a cake pan, a cup of ectoplasm, and a recipe involving evil and feces under the rug.*

[Wheelimus Prime]

uh, the cake seems to have grown sentience and is now attacking the office. looks like it just took out locusts office.

so, yeah, if anyone has guns or something big and heavy, please meet me at room number 160, thanks

[Psycho Warrior]

uh, the cake seems to have grown sentience and is now attacking the office. looks like it just took out locusts office.

so, yeah, if anyone has guns or something big and heavy, please meet me at room number 160, thanks

be glad it's not a cake of the damned. Those things are nasty.

[The Happy Locust]

uh, the cake seems to have grown sentience and is now attacking the office. looks like it just took out locusts office.

so, yeah, if anyone has guns or something big and heavy, please meet me at room number 160, thanks

My office?

*Locust races through his office door, only to fall 20 stories due to his office now being a giant hole in the side of the building. Locust lands with a sickening splat*

I'm okay. the rat feces trail broke my fall... and my ability to taste.

[Psycho Warrior]

uh, the cake seems to have grown sentience and is now attacking the office. looks like it just took out locusts office.

so, yeah, if anyone has guns or something big and heavy, please meet me at room number 160, thanks

My office?

*Locust races through his office door, only to fall 20 stories due to his office now being a giant hole in the side of the building. Locust lands with a sickening splat*

I'm okay. the rat feces trail broke my fall... and my ability to taste.

Locust is our leader... or at least our flagbearer.

[Jar Axel]

uh, the cake seems to have grown sentience and is now attacking the office. looks like it just took out locusts office.

so, yeah, if anyone has guns or something big and heavy, please meet me at room number 160, thanks

*sighs and picks up a cell phone*

We have a code 3666 send in the worm

*a giant geneticaly engenered earth worm bursts through the floor and swallows the cake whole*

[The Happy Locust]

*Back at Locust's crash site, the putrid pile of fecal matter has been reorganized and reshaped into a surprisingly elegant home. *

Come on in. I've designed it so that all the stink stays on the outside... mostly.

[Wheelimus Prime]

*peice of feces hits a randomly placed button, Locust's home begins to transform back into the cake. the earthworm explodes and peices of the original cake combine with the new cake*


we are so screwed

[Name_Violation]

that donut powder made my face feel funny.

*starts stealing staplers*

the cake needs sprinkles

[Acrata]

Acrata just arrives to watch the cake scene.

"Hello. I'm Acrata. I have a special deliver for you guys. Who dares to see what's inside this box." Acrata puts a box in the floor right next to the Locust and grins in expectation of what is going to happen.

[Jar Axel]

*peice of feces hits a randomly placed button, Locust's home begins to transform back into the cake. the earthworm explodes and peices of the original cake combine with the new cake*


we are so screwed

*Pulls out a Glock and splatters Wheelimus' brain across the wall*

Now to deal with the product of his overactive imagination again

[Name_Violation]

*peice of feces hits a randomly placed button, Locust's home begins to transform back into the cake. the earthworm explodes and peices of the original cake combine with the new cake*


we are so screwed

*Pulls out a Glock and splatters Wheelimus' brain across the wall*

Now to deal with the product of his overactive imagination again

NOOOOO! you've unlock his Undead Waffles mode.

we are so screwed

[Wheelimus Prime]

i will have you know that my overactice imaginiation has crapped out quality peices of work.

*blood starts to move over to wheelimus' head. the blood/wheelimus combo reforms into undead waffles*



i wasn't gonna go there but N_V made me do it

[Name_Violation]

i wasn't gonna go there but N_V made me do it

thats what she said

[Wheelimus Prime]

i wasn't gonna go there but N_V made me do it

thats what she said

well remember:

my anaconda dont want none unless she's got buns, sir

*starts petting pet anaconda as a maid walks in with three honey buns*

[Psycho Warrior]

*Back at Locust's crash site, the putrid pile of fecal matter has been reorganized and reshaped into a surprisingly elegant home. *

Come on in. I've designed it so that all the stink stays on the outside... mostly.

Luckily my own funk is stronger than the poo's. Look it's actually slapping your home's smell around with it's own stink lines.

[Wheelimus Prime]

thats not all i see it doing to the poo funk

[Jar Axel]

Big deal, PW's funk has a habbit of consuming lesser funks...


How did you think it stayed so potent?

[Psycho Warrior]

Big deal, PW's funk has a habbit of consuming lesser funks...


How did you think it stayed so potent?

and it pumps milk and drinks iron every day.

[Wheelimus Prime]

my overactive imagination seems to have died on because i have no witty remark to reply to that *pulls out desert eagle^ and shoots self in the head*






^not a pansy chromed one, a real desert eagle

[SoundMaster1]

my overactive imagination seems to have died on because i have no witty remark to reply to that *pulls out desert eagle^ and shoots self in the head*






^not a pansy chromed one, a real desert eagle

Borrows desert eagle and shoots all who oppose him(a.k.a. ever living Randy and a Shockticus clone...)

[Shadowman]

my overactive imagination seems to have died on because i have no witty remark to reply to that *pulls out desert eagle^ and shoots self in the head*






^not a pansy chromed one, a real desert eagle

Now you've got a hole in your head AND a shattered wrist. Let's see you MacGyver your way out of THAT one!

[Wheelimus Prime]

nope nothing...wait, yes i got it

*walks into a lit fire place*

Ow, oh god, im on fire. oh the pain! Why!!

now for the real idea:

* holds open hand and duct tape, canadian bacon, hannah montana's wig, and a cabbage patch kid come flying toward WP. WP then uses the duct tape to patch the bullet hole, the canadian bacon to splint the wrist, the hannah montana wig to cover the bullet hole, and the cabage patch kid to replenish his hunger*

not bad for a dude who died almost 5,768 times

[Psycho Warrior]

not bad for a dude who died almost 5,768 times

Peanuts compared to Randy.

Randy: I've died just about everyway possible. You know that feeling you get when there's a light breeze down the center of your brain? I'm feelin that now. *has a hatchet stuck in his skull*

[Wheelimus Prime]

every way?

*beats randy to death with a peanut*

now you have died by peanut