The Energon Pub

Now you've all heard the story of Old St. Nick, how he gets in his sleigh and travels around the world delivering presents to all the good boys and girls.

However, one has always wondered how Santa gets across the world in one night. This is because he uses the power of teleportation, teleporting through another dimension to reach his destination.

This is how Nega-Claus came to be.

It was Christmas Eve 1986 when Nega-Claus came into being, Santa hopped through a dimension littered with a thick fog of Copy-Atoms.

Now you may not know, but Copy-Atoms are a very rare element that copy whatever they come in contact with. Although these copy atoms have a price, they turn whatever they copy evil. Now if they copy an inanimate object, it's not a problem, but when a human comes in contact with these, it spawns a creature of imaginable evil. This is how people gain their evil twin. They come in conact with Copy-Atoms somewhere along the way and -poof- Evil Twin.

In 86 when Nega-Claus was created, it was a terrible Christmas, some people may not remember, but if you saw the happenings you could never forget it. The rivers ran red with the blood of a thousand elves.

It was covered by every news station big and small. Nega-Claus was holding Christmas Hostage. When Nega-Claus came into being he hatched a dastardly plan to kill Santa-Claus, take his place, and reap all his benefits of having an army of elven slave labor to make stuff. It sounds like something out of a Christmas Special, only more twisted.

This is the story of Nega-claus!

Gather around children and let me tell you a tale. The story of Nega-Claus and his evil plans from hell.

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the world.
Nega-Claus' plan was being unfurled.

He plotted and planned with such great care.
Making sure he'll catch Santa unaware.

The reindeer were ready to go; all tied to the sled.
With a word from Santa; it was full speed ahead!
They jmped and they jumped through dimensions aplenty.
'Till they landed on the house of my friend Benny.
This was his chance, Nega-Claus yelled 'now' with a sharp tounge.
The trap was unleashed, the ambush was sprung.
It looked like St. Nick's neck would surely be wrung.
But the old fat man is not without his tricks,
He clubbed Nega-Claus with his sack full of bricks,
With Nega-Claus stunned, Santa made his escape,
It would be this moment that Christmas would be reshaped,
Bruised and battered Santa went back to the pole,
Plotting himself to give Nega-Clause some coal,
He got to the workshop and began to toil,
Hoping that Christmas will not yet be spoiled,
He worked and he worked with hammer and nail,
Building himself some bitchin' chain mail,
Meanwhile the world all thought Santa had bailed,
Leaving Nega-Clause to think he had prevailed,
Nega-Clause set up his new world order in the middle of Times-Square,
Leaving the world in a state of despair,
It was midnight and the world started to wonder,
If Christmas was going under.

When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter,
I ran to the TV to see what was the matter,
The camera panned to the explosion below,
The rubble falling amongst all the snow,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
A armored out sleigh and eight robotic reindeer,
Nega-Clause stared looking on in surprise,
Santa was back, and he was bringing demise,
Geared up in super armor, Santa did stand,
Clutching dual magnums in each of his hands,
More rapid than eagles his robo-deer came,
He whistled and shouted and called them by name,
"Now Slaughter, now Rambo, now Steven and Hulk,
use your rockets to take out his bulk!"
"To the top of the building, blow up that wall, murder and slaughter the Nega-Claus!"
Santa was lost in a blood lust rage,
We hadn't seen carnage like this since the mesolithic age,
Nega-Claus and Santa fought to a standstill,
We hadn't seen this much action; it was a thrill,
Soon it would be over in one last attack,
One would be left standing, and if you missed it, it was shown on playback.
Santa had won, Nega-Claus was dead,
From a knife, buried in his head,
He was victorius, the crowd cheered,
Santa was covered in blood from his boots to his beard,
A hard nights won he boarded the sleigh, to his team he gave a whistle,
Away they flew, like a bullet from a pistol,

But I heard him exclaim as he flew into the night,

"**** with me, and I'll kill you on sight!"

That was funny. Good stuff.

I'm too terrified to sleep now.

*sets landmines at the base of his chimney*

And so Santa ruled supreme over Earth, until, in 2801....

I was so bored Christmas Eve I started this thing at 11pm, finished half-awake and posted it around two am.

Thank you for the kind words, you wouldn't believe how hard it is to rhyme some of the stuff I rhymed.