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chuck norris vs. jesus

Got a crazy idea of a fantasy battle? Want to know if Unicron would defeat the Death Star? Debate your favorite fantasy battles here!

chuck norris vs. jesus

Postby honeykid » Sat Oct 13, 2007 7:17 pm

Now thats a hard one


On one hand you have jesus son of god yeah we all know about him

but then theres chuck norris
who might was well be god
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Postby Knight Hawk » Sun Oct 14, 2007 5:41 pm

Chuck Norris

Proof
-The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"

-In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

-In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

-It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.

-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

-If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.

-When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norrised.

Facts About Chuck Norris
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Postby Predaprince » Sun Oct 14, 2007 6:23 pm

Motto: ""Destruction is the fate of all sentient beings.""
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Wouldn't Jesus tell Chuck Norris to kill him as a sacrifice and Chuck Norris is about to, but then... Batman jumps in and stops this madness.
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Postby honeykid » Mon Oct 15, 2007 12:16 am

Knight Hawk wrote:Chuck Norris

Proof
-The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"

-In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

-In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

-It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.

-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

-If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.

-When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norrised.

Facts About Chuck Norris


after that you became my hero
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Postby Thanatos Prime » Tue Oct 16, 2007 6:54 pm

Knight Hawk wrote:Chuck Norris

Proof
-The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"

-In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

-In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

-It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.

-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

-If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.

-When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norrised.

Facts About Chuck Norris


Well put...
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Postby Knight Hawk » Tue Oct 16, 2007 7:07 pm

honeykid wrote:
Knight Hawk wrote:Chuck Norris

Proof
-The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"

-In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

-In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

-It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.

-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

-If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.

-When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norrised.

Facts About Chuck Norris


after that you became my hero


Unfortunately I am only repeating these great works of others, but I can't help that they make everyone giggle :D
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Postby Shadowman » Wed Oct 17, 2007 12:06 am

Motto: "May God have mercy on my enemies, because I sure as hell won't."
As seen in Thanatos prime's Sig!

Shadowman wrote:Bruce Lee could kick Chuck Norris' ass.

Bruce Lee didn't die from a brain problem. He died because God realized Bruce had become too powerful.

Mr. Lee got his post-mortem revenge by killing God.
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Postby Thanatos Prime » Wed Oct 17, 2007 1:50 pm

Shadowman wrote:As seen in Thanatos prime's Sig!

Shadowman wrote:Bruce Lee could kick Chuck Norris' ass.

Bruce Lee didn't die from a brain problem. He died because God realized Bruce had become too powerful.

Mr. Lee got his post-mortem revenge by killing God.

AND THE TRUTH HAS BEEN SPOKEN!!! :P

Bruce Lee is definetly not Jesus, therefore Norris must win... :-P
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Postby DeceptiGojira » Wed Oct 17, 2007 2:20 pm

Weapon: Train Bazooka
Jesus.
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Postby Dead Metal » Wed Oct 17, 2007 3:02 pm

Motto: "Don't do drugs, beer's cheaper anyway!"
Thanatos Prime wrote:
Shadowman wrote:As seen in Thanatos prime's Sig!

Shadowman wrote:Bruce Lee could kick Chuck Norris' ass.

Bruce Lee didn't die from a brain problem. He died because God realized Bruce had become too powerful.

Mr. Lee got his post-mortem revenge by killing God.

AND THE TRUTH HAS BEEN SPOKEN!!! :P

Bruce Lee is definetly not Jesus, therefore Norris must win... :-P


Man love posts like this, they just make me want to live in the Internet!
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Intah-wib-buls?

Blurrz wrote:10/10

Leave it to Dead Metal to have the word 'Pronz' in his signature.
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Postby Knight Hawk » Wed Oct 17, 2007 6:06 pm

Dead Metal wrote:Man love posts like this, they just make me want to live in the Internet!


I am Sooooooo using that as a sig quote!
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Postby Dead Metal » Thu Oct 18, 2007 12:18 pm

Motto: "Don't do drugs, beer's cheaper anyway!"
Knight Hawk wrote:
Dead Metal wrote:Man love posts like this, they just make me want to live in the Internet!


I am Sooooooo using that as a sig quote!

I am honored!
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Jeep! wrote:Why do I imagine Dead Metal sounding exactly like Arnie?
Intah-wib-buls?

Blurrz wrote:10/10

Leave it to Dead Metal to have the word 'Pronz' in his signature.
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Postby SilentBlaster » Thu Oct 18, 2007 4:38 pm

Weapon: Battle Blades
Oh I know the answer, um lets see, Chuck norris is so great he IS Jesus. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. 8-|
That wasn't even funny.
Last edited by SilentBlaster on Thu Oct 18, 2007 6:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Shadowman » Thu Oct 18, 2007 5:31 pm

Motto: "May God have mercy on my enemies, because I sure as hell won't."
Deathstorm wrote:Oh I know the answer, um lets see, Chuck norris is so great he IS Jesus. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. :roll:
That wasn't even funny.


Chuck Norris stopped being funny a while ago.

He's like Pokemon; he was cool for a while, then he kind of fizzled out.
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Postby Knight Hawk » Thu Oct 18, 2007 5:53 pm

WHAT! Chuck Norris is the God of cool. The only man alive that can slam a revolving door, roundhouse kick you back in time, and be his own father.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.

That says it all :D
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Postby OptimusN1701 » Thu Oct 18, 2007 9:59 pm

Norris is so overrated

Mr. T, now thats a hero to rally under
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Postby Knight Hawk » Thu Oct 18, 2007 10:49 pm

Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

Nuff Said
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Postby OptimusN1701 » Thu Oct 18, 2007 11:09 pm

Norris is not invincible, he can be killed by a small coalition of heroes and a dismembered black knight
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Postby Saber_Wulf » Fri Oct 19, 2007 10:03 am

OptimusN1701 wrote:Norris is not invincible, he can be killed by a small coalition of heroes and a dismembered black knight

yeah says the trekie hmm . o 0 (i so hope they dont make transforming star trek figures next the star wars were bad enough) hey when hot rod opened the matrix it was chuck norris that came out and opend up with a round house kick in side of unicron.
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Postby OptimusN1701 » Fri Oct 19, 2007 10:12 am

Saber_Wulf wrote:
OptimusN1701 wrote:Norris is not invincible, he can be killed by a small coalition of heroes and a dismembered black knight

yeah says the trekie hmm . o 0


And what exactly is that supposed to mean?
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Postby Deadpool. » Fri Oct 19, 2007 10:29 am

Saber_Wulf wrote:
OptimusN1701 wrote:Norris is not invincible, he can be killed by a small coalition of heroes and a dismembered black knight

yeah says the trekie hmm . o 0 (i so hope they dont make transforming star trek figures next the star wars were bad enough) hey when hot rod opened the matrix it was chuck norris that came out and opend up with a round house kick in side of unicron.
And after that, Norris got killed due to multiple stab wounds from shards of Unicron's debris.
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Postby OptimusN1701 » Fri Oct 19, 2007 10:46 am

Deadpool. wrote:
Saber_Wulf wrote:
OptimusN1701 wrote:Norris is not invincible, he can be killed by a small coalition of heroes and a dismembered black knight

yeah says the trekie hmm . o 0 (i so hope they dont make transforming star trek figures next the star wars were bad enough) hey when hot rod opened the matrix it was chuck norris that came out and opend up with a round house kick in side of unicron.
And after that, Norris got killed due to multiple stab wounds from shards of Unicron's debris.


:APPLAUSE:
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Postby Knight Hawk » Sat Oct 20, 2007 5:43 pm

dff Chuck Norris can't be killed by anyone but Chuck Norris.... and that would end the universe as well :D
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Postby Shadowman » Sat Oct 20, 2007 6:03 pm

Motto: "May God have mercy on my enemies, because I sure as hell won't."
OptimusN1701 wrote:
Saber_Wulf wrote:
OptimusN1701 wrote:Norris is not invincible, he can be killed by a small coalition of heroes and a dismembered black knight

yeah says the trekie hmm . o 0


And what exactly is that supposed to mean?


The connotation for "Trekkie" is usually an overweight male in their mother's basement, with no life to speak of, and usually speaks Klingon.

Don't get me wrong, this is, for the most part, untrue. My dad, for example, is married (To my mom) has four kids (One of which is me) has a pretty sweet job, and can afford to feed us. He's also a Trekkie, and the only one I can hold a conversation with involving sci-fi.

And, to finish this, Chuck Norris jokes got old quite a while ago.
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Postby OptimusN1701 » Sat Oct 20, 2007 6:58 pm

Shadowman wrote:
OptimusN1701 wrote:
Saber_Wulf wrote:
OptimusN1701 wrote:Norris is not invincible, he can be killed by a small coalition of heroes and a dismembered black knight

yeah says the trekie hmm . o 0


And what exactly is that supposed to mean?


The connotation for "Trekkie" is usually an overweight male in their mother's basement, with no life to speak of, and usually speaks Klingon.

Don't get me wrong, this is, for the most part, untrue. My dad, for example, is married (To my mom) has four kids (One of which is me) has a pretty sweet job, and can afford to feed us. He's also a Trekkie, and the only one I can hold a conversation with involving sci-fi.

And, to finish this, Chuck Norris jokes got old quite a while ago.


Well, I'm an engaged college student who works in a bank full-time, and I dont speak Klingon(not that theres anything wrong with that)

I could stand to lose a couple of pounds though, but other than that I guess that I dont fit the "typical" trekkie
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