The Energon Pub

A friend of mine is considering suicide. My opinion of suicide is just awful, it ends your life and it hurts everyone that ever cared for you.

Seriously, what can I tell him? I argued with him today about why life is important and that he has a lot of friends and deserves to live, he really has a good life, but he's just shutting himself away. I told a minister at my church and I think he's taking care of therapy and that, but what do you guys think? How can I honestly tell him that it's worth putting up with all the stress?

Ok, I'll try this one. But I want you to understand that I in no way mean for any of this to sound condesending, or that I'm making light of this situation, or any of that, ok? 'Cause this is serious, and even if I get a little goofy, I don't mean any disrespect, ok?
Cool.
Suicide is a tough one, dude. Assuming that 'dude' is accurate and you're not a lady. I'm taking this grad course on Dostoyevsky and he spends lots of time talking about the VIRTUES of suicide, and has entire characters devoted to the idea.
But look, I'm 31, and I think that just about any of us on the board here who are over 20 have probably been in a similar situation as you are right now. I think we've all known someone who's talked of or considered suicide. The numer one thing to do would be to get talking to someone who's probably better suited to help than you are, and you already did by talking to your minister, so way to go on that.
As far as life being worth it, it really, really is. But we all need to come to see that in our own ways....what makes it worth while for you, may not touch me in the same way, you know? I guess I'm far too draconian (read: 'evil' and insensatively old fashioned) in my outlooks on things sometimes, but I think that if one doesn't find those things that make life worthwhile for themselves, then life kind of isn't all that worthwhile. Like, I'm not religious, ok, so you've got me on that one since you at very least KNOW a minister, but I do appreacite a bunch of religious talk and thought as philosophical premesis. If your friend is religious as well, that would give you a whole bunch of different angles to introduce to try to help them. I'd personally try to saty away from the whole 'suicide is a sin' biz, becasue that may not really be what they want to hear.
I would hazard to say that the most important thing in life in general is figuring out what you're doing it all for. Like, what gets you out of bed in the morning? In Brothers Karamavoz (Dostoyevsky, 'cause I mentioned him earlier) Ivan Karamazov is thinking of suicide but says that he'd miss the 'sticky green leaves' that come in the spring. I think that when you try to level that against a human life, leaves don't amount to much more than, well, leaves. But sometimes, even in the most complex of lives, sometimes it really is the simple things like those leaves that get us moving every day. I think that maybe the best you can do for your friend immediately is to try to help them find the little things that make them happy to be alive.

All you can do is listen and make sure he gets help.

The good news is that your friend is talking about it. That means it's actually less dire than it might seem. I had a boyfriend commit suicide when I was 19 (subsequent boyfriends have discovered it's just easier to break up with me), and he never talked about it at all. Meaning: if your friend were really 100% set on it, he wouldn't be talking about it--the decision would be made. And he'd do it.

Now, a few questions (I haven't worked a suicide hotline in years, but let's see what I remember): does he have a plan? Has he actually figured out where and when and how? If so, it's more dire. If not, good. IF he does, one thing you can do is postpone the time. Say, hey, how bout wait another week. You can always kill yourself *next* Friday if things don't improve, right? What's the rush? That's often helped.

Has something happened recently that is the cause of this? If so, if you can delay his ideation, you're good. If not, this may be due to a chemical imbalance or depression, in which case he needs treatment! I don't normally like medications to control mood, but I have seen some people have such serious chemical imbalances that they were miserably depressed even when they would admit that life was, objectively, pretty good. THat's not his fault at all--it's a chemical thing and can be easily fixed. What a waste to kill yourself and there's a little pill that would help!

Is he making final arrangements--like is he giving away stuff? If so, that's a sign he's serious. If not, again, good.

The absolute best thing you can do, in addition to the great advice so far, is to not make him feel like a freak or a weirdo. It's a fine line, because you don't want to go overboard and imply he's overreacting. Take it seriously, without downplaying what he's going through. Empathy is key. "yes, that is awful," is your magic phrase. He may just want to have someone--many someones--acknowledge that in his situation, they'd feel pretty awful, too. If you can respect his a) courage for speaking up and b) what he's going through as a very bad thing, you can really help.

HK, best of luck--you're a good friend for trying to help.

My girlfriend is a mental health worker at a local hospital. If you believe this person is serious about suicide, talk to their family and seek out professional help. Someone can be involuntarily commited to a hospital mental health facility for evaluation. If you want more information on it, contact your local hospital and ask.

Thank you all for your posts. My pastor put my friend at some sort of mental health ward or something and I think he'll be fine. Thank you all again for your posts